Over 35 And Undateable (Best Of)

In this episode, Jess and Stephanie get real about the crazy world of dating for women over 35. From navigating double standards and uncomfortable questions to the strange misunderstandings that often arise, they share candid thoughts on what it's really like to date at this stage in life. And, of course, no conversation would be complete without a
deep dive into the world of Christian dating apps. They tackle everything from ghosting to the balance between waiting on God and taking action in your own dating life. Stick around for a heartfelt moment at the end.

Transcript

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0:00:01 - Speaker 1
Welcome to the Jesus Fixed Podcast, where we tackle life, the good, the bad and everything in between. I'm Jess, and together we'll explore how loving Jesus can help us navigate the ups and the downs, no matter what you're facing. Remember he can handle it all. So grab your coffee Well, that's what I'm sipping on today Settle in and let's dive into some real talk and uplifting stories that remind you you're never alone. Let's get it started. 

If you listen to Good Morning Radio and you've heard my shenanigans about my life, my kids, my clumsiness and all the in-between, then you know I could probably write a book. But the thing I could really write a book on I mean the real tea is my dating life. I am over 40, to be exact, I'm 47. And I am convinced the dating pool has pee in it. Seriously, I am joined today by my good friend and Stephanie is on the go here during the middays at Spirit FM. Stephanie, you are married, I am married, but you are recently. How long have you been married now? August 26th was our one year anniversary. Oh, wow, okay. Just a little more than a year, okay. So you were in the dating pool for a little bit before you got married and do you mind saying your age? 

0:01:23 - Speaker 2
Oh no, I don't care. I'm very honest about it. 

0:01:26 - Speaker 1
That's why you're hanging out with me today, because I knew you would be very opinionated. 

0:01:31 - Speaker 2
I'm 43. 

0:01:32 - Speaker 1
So got married at 42. Okay, and so, just so you know, be warned, we are talking about dating over, let's say 35. Yes, dating over, let's say 35. Dating over 35. What's it like, the ups and downs, the in-betweens being a Christian, dating over 35. And listen, let me tell you, when I got divorced and I, first of all, I gave myself some time, I didn't, I wasn't one of those who got divorced and was like, yay, I'm free, I'm going to throw myself back out there. I decided to give myself a little time, about a year, almost two years and then I said, you know what? It's time I threw myself back out there and I thought, oh wow, this is going to be fun, I'm going to find me a Christian man and we're going to live happily ever after. What? 

0:02:23 - Speaker 2
Huh, okay, yeah, bless it Bless my heart. Bless your heart. 

0:02:30 - Speaker 1
Yeah, let me tell you one thing, okay. So when I first started working at Spirit FM, I got a call from this lady and I don't know how we got on the subject of me being single. She knew I was divorced I think we talked about that and she was the sweetest, most kindest soul and she said let me tell you something, sugar. I think that's what won me over, because she called me sugar. You call me sugar. Anyway, she said I was divorced for so many years and God sent me the one. 

Now let me tell you, I was by myself for over 12 years and there was some loneliness, there were some toads I had to kiss, but God sent me my best friend. He loves Jesus. He sent me the one and I just had to trust him. And I had to wait 12 years and I felt a little hopeful and she was sweet. I told you she was sweet. She called me sugar. But when we got off the phone I said you know what? She was the nicest lady. But ain't no way the God I serve gonna make me wait. No, 12 years, he ain't gonna make me wait, not my Jesus. Well, y'all, that call was 11 years ago and I am still single. God, I am so sorry that I put you on a timeline. I'm so sorry, lord, that's how you make God laugh. 

You can't have your own timeline. 

0:04:04 - Speaker 2
I'm so sorry. That is a true story, oh man. 

0:04:09 - Speaker 1
Yeah, what was dating like before you met your husband. 

0:04:13 - Speaker 2
His name's Mike. Yeah, so before I met Mike, honestly, I didn't have my first kiss until I was 38. What Really Did not? I was always Okay. 

I remember when I was in college, always the best friend. I was always the little sister to every guy I ever knew. And I asked one of my good friends one time I was at a conference, christian conference, so you know vast pool potentially here yeah. And and I said to this one guy friend of mine, I was like why does nobody want to date me? I just, I was like, I was just in that moment, I was, I was down and he said well, you're undateable just because you're, so you have such a big personality that everybody just wants to be your friend. What does that mean? Undateable, what? What is that? Don't you want somebody with a big personality? I mean maybe not, but like, okay, you know. Um, yeah, this is me. Okay, take it or leave it relatable, that's a thing. Yeah, apparently, having a big personality. I think that was his polite way of saying that guys are more visual when they're in college especially. I think that was his way of saying that? 

0:05:23 - Speaker 1
do you think he was trying to say you were, he wasn't attracted to you? 

0:05:26 - Speaker 2
Oh yeah, that's how that's now looking back on it, that's how I take it, and at the time, though, I was just like, excuse me, yeah. So it was a struggle, because it took me a while to get over that whole just idea, and it wasn't like I wanted to date this guy. He was a friend, you know, but I've always had a plethora of friends, and so it wasn't until I was in my late 30s that I finally had gone through at least a decade of being online dating, like on and off, on and off, on and off. None of my friends were introducing me to anybody, but at this point, I had a community. I was super involved in my church, loved serving in my church. I had a community. I was super involved in my church, loved serving in my church. I had a great position. I owned my own house. I had my cat, two cats. Okay, yes, I was a cat lady, I still have one. 

0:06:17 - Speaker 1
I think that's one reason why everybody suggested that I get a cat to keep me company. I said, nope, I am not going to be that single cat lady. Get out of my face. No, no offense, hey. 

0:06:28 - Speaker 2
I had two of them Okay. 

0:06:29 - Speaker 1
It's all good. 

0:06:30 - Speaker 2
But my life was full. Yeah, I had everything that I could ask for, but I still felt like, okay, what is this? God, I'm missing that something. Companion, I'm missing that companion. Yes, and my mom prayed and prayed that this one guy that I was great friends with his family's, like my family. She prayed that he would be the one and that by the time I turned 40, again, tell God your timeline. Yep, don't do it, because that didn't happen, you know, but I so I went on to this one app. 

A friend of mine had found her significant other on this specific app and she said just try it. I'm like, okay, so I went on there and this one guy started talking to me. I'm like, oh, you live eight miles down the road. How have we never like? However, our paths never crossed. Maybe they had. We got into a relationship and looking back on it, it's not Mike. Looking back on that relationship, god had to bring me through that to prepare myself for Mike. It was not a good relationship. It was toxic. Now I can look back on it and see the toxic that I went through and I don't recommend that, but God knew I was going to lean into him more by going through this with this person, yeah, and so after that, nope, god, I'm done. 

0:07:53 - Speaker 1
I'm done. 

0:07:54 - Speaker 2
Signed off, unplug, walk away. Whatever it is, I'm done. And then one of my best friends said I get it. She's been years divorced, also at that point where she was ready to start trying to date again Some. It was like I get where you're at, but maybe God does still have somebody for you, okay, okay. So somebody else was like hey, try this app, here's another app. I'm like are you kidding me? I unplugged all of them. I'm done, okay, fine, but God unplugged all of them. I'm done, Okay, fine, but God, I'm not doing a wide radius, I'm not driving. I want somebody that if I need to cry and snot on their shoulder, they're there for me, I can go right over. 

0:08:33 - Speaker 1
Right, I'm right over. He can come over Exactly. 

0:08:35 - Speaker 2
Exactly, and so I was living in the middle of central Pennsylvania, an hour to everything, three hours to the big cities. You know really Amish everywhere, literally nowhere. So when I'm looking for somebody who's Amish on an app like no it could be but that wasn't it who knows Exactly. 

So I went on the app. I said, okay, god, here's my radius, like 60 miles, 60 mile radius, okay. So let's see. What does that look like? Well, in this particular one, it wasn't like 60 miles to the east or the west, it was just general 60 miles from where you are. Okay, that's fine. 12 hours later, 1101 in the morning, I'm at work and I get this message Hi, stephanie. I'm like, okay, who is this? Hi, um, his name's Mike. Okay, hi, how are you? And a conversation just started. Okay, that was like a first, practically Wow. 

Because, on these apps. Talk about how did you put it? 

0:09:36 - Speaker 1
There's a dating poll. Has pee in it. It does yes, and I've been on the app and I know how they go. Yeah, you ask if you're Christian, if you love Jesus, and they say yes, and excuse me, I think you know that means you have a relationship with Jesus and apparently they think that means oh yeah, I went to Sunday school when I was little, right. 

0:09:57 - Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah, I saw the felt board. I'm good Right. 

0:10:00 - Speaker 1
Yeah, so I get that, yeah, yeah. 

0:10:02 - Speaker 2
So okay. So I'm like all right, you know, there's somebody who's having a conversation with me. That's a little more than just sup, sup, sup. Okay, I don't know how to respond to that. Sup you single. 

0:10:14 - Speaker 1
Uh, yeah, I'm on the app Right. Exactly Gotten that question too. Yeah or WID? If you are y'all, let this be a listen to any public service announcement real quick. If you are over the age of 30, I know we said 35 and over, but if you are over the age of 30 and you reach out to somebody and it's WID, what are you doing? Question mark go ahead and delete your profile, yep. Okay, carry on. 

0:10:43 - Speaker 2
That's totally, completely fair. Yes, so I'm like all right Having this quick little conversation with him and I'm like where are you from Pittsburgh? I'm sorry. 

0:10:56 - Speaker 1
Pittsburgh. Isn't that in your area? Wasn't that in your area no? 

0:11:00 - Speaker 2
No, ma'am, pittsburgh was almost 200 miles away. 

0:11:04 - Speaker 1
Oh, I'm not. I'm geographically challenged, that's okay. No, no, no. So you have to explain that to me. 

0:11:08 - Speaker 2
Okay, yeah, no, three and a half hours from where I was. Oh, you didn't want that. No, nope, nope, nope. 60 miles was my radius, because in the back road country roads where I lived 60 miles could be over an hour like an hour and a half or something. So you know, an hour and a half is doable. Three and a half in a day, that's not so doable. 

0:11:29 - Speaker 1
Okay, gotcha, yeah, yeah, yeah. 

0:11:38 - Speaker 2
So I was like, looked at it, I'm like Pittsburgh, god, I told you, I told you 60 miles Again, tell God your plans and he's going to laugh at you. And so that was how Mike and I met through this dating app and I specifically said a small radius that I wanted to look in and he was like nope, no, ma'am, your dude's over here. He's three and a half hours away. You just don't know it yet, clearly. And then here's the really fun thing about us. So we started talking for about two weeks and Mike very quickly was like I want to FaceTime. All right, great, because you get to know somebody more through facial expressions. Right, psa to everybody. If you do the apps, get in person as fast as possible, yeah, and so, being three and a half hours away, that wasn't exactly easy for us. 

But within a month we did meet because he said, hey, my birthday is coming up. I take time off for my birthday just because I can. Can I come out and visit you? Ok, yes, a great, stand up. He said I want to be the one that comes out. Hello, that's very important. Yes, that is the pursuer. Every female, no matter how strong of a person you are, you want to be pursued. I want to talk about that in a little bit Go ahead, so yeah. 

So he said I want to come out. And he's like it's, you know, it's going to be my birthday. And he's like when's your birthday, by the way? And so I was like June 16th and in your profile it says that you're 39. Are you going to be turning 40? Or, and I was like, yep, turning 40. He's like so, am I? So, literally on my 40th birthday in person, I met my husband. 

0:13:20 - Speaker 1
Wow. 

0:13:21 - Speaker 2
Look at God, I mean, yeah right, my mom said by the time you're 40, I want you to know this person thinking it was someone else. Wow, go God. 

0:13:41 - Speaker 1
God is so good. I feel like sometimes, just because, after my divorce, I feel like maybe God is like you know what, you had your chance, and I don't want to think like that, but it's just been just one thing after another, like there's been some crazy stuff. I mean men who have said they're believers and they're not. Men who have said I would love for you to just let me move in with you, I'm tired of living in my mom's basement. I know I'm 50, but I'm like what People say, these things like my 21 and 24-year-olds live on their own, like how, this is real life and you know just anything, just the weirdest things. And then it's also I feel like I'm just going to make a Taylor Swift. Am I the problem? It's me, hi, it's me. Right, I'm the problem. Could it be me too? 

Because, like, I wonder if, because, like on some of the dates I've been on, have I been the too independent? Is there such a thing where I've been by myself for so long that I can't let somebody get to know me? It's like I want you to care about me, I want you to love me, but let me show you how to do it. Or are we supposed to show people how to love? I guess I'm just at the point now where I don't know. I'm so self-conscious about it. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know how I'm supposed to act, because I feel like when I'm myself it doesn't work out and I feel like am I too independent? Am I too strong? Now, like, what is the issue? 

0:15:26 - Speaker 2
Do you know what I mean? I'm so confused. I totally know what you mean. I mean. Having been married now a little more than a year, I will sing it all day long, Miss Independent, I still am. 

I still am and it is a struggle for me and it is like a daily struggle that I have to put myself aside and say what can I do to best serve my husband? Yeah, and I fail at that more times than I succeed. I know that I fail at that, but I do recognize that. And so you know, in the dating pool and be having been single for so long, I'm used to doing everything on my own Right. And it's like if I needed to change the battery in my car, like I know who to call, I know where to go, I know the kind that I need, I know how to check my oil levels on my car, like these are things that dudes usually do. 

I'm not saying it's, I'm not over categorizing that it's everybody, but like, typically that is a role there and it's okay that I know how to do that. But it doesn't mean I still want to, right. But it's like if you know being independent for so long it is, it is very difficult to step back and say, okay, now what? What does my role look like as a partner, as a helpmate? 

instead of I'm in charge of all this stuff, because that's just how it's always been. 

0:16:48 - Speaker 1
But then also on another level and I totally agree with all of that. Yeah, I know, for me, I am totally that independent where I do need to learn to step back a little and it's okay to ask for help. 

0:17:04 - Speaker 2
It is okay, learn to step back a little and it's okay to ask for help. 

0:17:06 - Speaker 1
I struggle with that because I don't want to seem weak, because I ask for help. I actually just finished writing a devotional about that. I don't want to seem like that needy person, but I do know it's okay to let people in, it's okay to let people help you. The Bible does say cast your burdens, not carry them. So yeah, so I get that, but at the same, at what point is it a red flag when somebody is wanting to be the burden? Do you know what I'm saying? 

0:17:41 - Speaker 2
Yeah, At what point is it that you see the red flag that this person is not able to come along? Yeah, come alongside and to carry and to step up Right. 

0:17:53 - Speaker 1
Because for me, I used to feel bad about this and then I had to, like I found myself explaining to someone I obviously I live alone, I can take care of myself and I know that at any given moment, anyone can fall on hard times. I get that. However, I'm wanting a partner who can share the load. I'm not saying you have to just swoop in, marry me, take over everything. No, I'm looking for a partner we can work together in this. I love what I do. I'm not looking to just like quit work and you take care of me. I love what I do. We can be a partner. 

But if I meet somebody and say, if I met somebody online and I find out you're sleeping on your mom's couch and you're not supporting yourself, I have to admit I'm turned off by that Absolutely. And you may just be down on your luck right now. I get that, it happens, but for me I'm going to pass because I'd rather you get yourself together and maybe this just isn't our time. If you only know how many times I have been straight cussed out. You are high and mighty, don't you know that people fall down in their luck sometimes? You're supposed to be a Christian, but I can't help how I feel, because I feel like if you are bringing a new person into your world, into your situation, nobody should be struggling. 

0:19:25 - Speaker 2
If you're going to bring somebody in, you know what I'm saying, the way that I interpret that kind of a situation because there were some guys that I would talk to and that was the situation is like yeah, I'm still living at mama's house and whatever, and it's like I want to be your mama. Yeah, plain and simple. If this is what this situation looks like, then you're putting me in a position where I'm your mom, and that is not that it could be the same if the roles were reversed, right exactly. 

0:19:55 - Speaker 1
If I was living at my mom's house with both of my kids, like I wouldn't expect you to swoop in and take care of me and my kids. You know what I'm saying, right, right. 

0:20:03 - Speaker 2
You've got. If I'm having my stuff together, I'm going to expect you to have your stuff together. 

0:20:10 - Speaker 1
Or else maybe you just wait and find somebody when your stuff is together. 

0:20:14 - Speaker 2
Right, this is not our time together, then Right, if ever, just because, like you, have your morals and your standpoint of what you're willing to accept morally and for every person it looks different. There's, you know, as Christians, there's the baseline, equally yoked, yeah, yeah, baseline. There you different, there's you know as. Christians. There's the baseline, equally yoked. Yeah, yeah, baseline. There you go, there it is, and is it like for me when I was, when I was younger, when I was in my early twenties? I made the list. 

0:20:43 - Speaker 1
I did, didn't we all? 

0:20:44 - Speaker 2
We all did, we did we did, and on my list it was. You know he needed to be willing to make a fool of himself in public. Well, bless my heart, mike is, he is. He is willing to do that, not like a clown-like manner, but like, if I ask him to go do something that is out of his comfort zone, that is him making a fool of himself and he'll do it, he'll do it for me. I also wanted somebody musically inclined. The boy has no rhythm. 

0:21:14 - Speaker 1
Oh, bless it None whatsoever. 

0:21:16 - Speaker 2
So it's like okay, god's like I'm going to give you what you need. You can have your list and you know your baseline is he is a God-fearing, loving Christian man. Yeah, everything else on top of that is just extra, Just the cherry right there, it's the cherry. 

And it's exactly what is needed, right, you know, but yeah, you, yes, so they have. Like, it goes both ways. You've got to be ready for who's going to walk into your world, right? I heard a sermon once and I apologize to whoever it was it was a famous pastor and I don't remember who it was, but this is what stuck out to me. 

He was telling a story of a girl who was talking to her mom and she's in college. The girl is, and she was going out and living very worldly, grew up in a Christian home, but living very worldly. And I mean, can I just say like she was sleeping around. Whatever, however you want to go, she's living very worldly. And then she met this guy at a Christian campus event and really was like man, this guy's got it together, I like all these attributes that he has. And she's telling her mom about it. And her mom says to her a guy like that would never want to be with a girl like you. A guy like that would never want to be with a girl like you. 

And that, like I mean, I just listening to that sermon, that wasn't how my life was, but it was like what do I need to do to get myself together to be ready for my person? Yeah, what do I need to do? And it was like, oh, I need to make sure that I'm financially secure in my own, that I'm not bringing a bunch of debt into a situation. That you know I know how to properly cook, even if it's just kitchen pot meals. You know there's some basic things that I can do my own laundry, that I live on my own, yeah, in your 30s. Yess, yes, financially it is difficult, but that is something is so important, I believe, truly and honestly, it's so important for you to live on your own. 

0:23:22 - Speaker 1
I don't mean with a roommate, I mean on your own yeah, a hundred percent. 

I saw something kind of like that that really hit home for me because I realized I was kind of self-absorbed as far as God, send him to me, give me my person, give me my person. And I guess it was kind of along the lines of the sermon you were talking about, but it was something on social media, of course, and it was on one of these dating pages or something, and it was something along the lines and I'm paraphrasing of yes, it's okay to ask God to send you that one, ask God to send you that one, but instead of asking God, please send me the one for me. Ask God to prepare you, Ask God to prepare you and teach you how to love the one he sends you. 

Absolutely Because it's not always about us, because God could send you the one, but are you going to love him or her the right way? 

0:24:34 - Speaker 2
Yep, and I think that is what society has gotten us, as Christians, to think. Well, I need to be, you know. 

0:24:41 - Speaker 1
I don't want to be alone, it's all me. 

0:24:43 - Speaker 2
And it's like no. A marriage is about God, yes, and how the two of you coming together are praising the Lord better, and that is a struggle. That is not what society wants us to think. It's about not being single. 

0:25:02 - Speaker 1
Yeah, you're right, it is. It's about not being single. Yeah, we've lost that so much, and I used to be so. This is. I hop around so much, I have so many thoughts in my head, but this is something I used to get so offended at. Is all of my well, most not all my married friends? I don't know if they just used to take pity on me or I really think they were trying to be kind. They used to send me these messages or give me little cards. You're so worth the wait. 

0:25:38 - Speaker 2
If you could see my eye roll now, I know. 

0:25:41 - Speaker 1
I just wanted to ask you about that. You are so worth the wait. If God is making you wait, it's for a reason, okay, but what? Can I just say this? I don't mean to not sound appreciative, but can I just say it doesn't help. 

0:26:01 - Speaker 2
Oh, oh and the whole oh. What is the phrase that they say all the time? 

0:26:07 - Speaker 1
Oh, oh, um, what is it? I know, I know the one, know, I know the one, I know the one. While you're thinking about that, okay, since we're getting ready to enter the holidays, please don't ask your single friends and family about their love life no, never. 

No, don't do that don't wait till you get around a whole table full of people and ask them about their love life. That is rude when you least expect it. When you whole table full of people and ask them about their love life, that is rude when you least expect it. It's going to happen when you least expect it. It's going to happen. No, no. 

0:26:39 - Speaker 2
Don't do it. Y'all Remove that from your vocabulary. 

0:26:43 - Speaker 1
Don't do that. And we know y'all mean well, but don't, that doesn't help. No, no, that doesn't help. 

0:26:49 - Speaker 2
No, not that doesn't help. 

0:26:51 - Speaker 1
No, no, that doesn't help. No, not at all. And I'll tell you something else. That doesn't help and this is going to sound really bad and I apologize if it comes off this way, but if y'all know me, you know I love Jesus so so much. You know I do. But it does not help when you tell a single person. 

0:27:17 - Speaker 2
All you need is Jesus. No, you at least need a good cup of coffee. 

0:27:21 - Speaker 1
As long as you have Jesus, you don't need a man, you don't need another woman in your life. No single man or woman wants to hear that, because we know Jesus loves us. If you are a believer, you know you have hope in him, you trust him. But that still the human part of you. It is totally normal to want a human companion and Jesus understands that for us. 

0:27:51 - Speaker 2
He sends people along to us, like if you've gone through a grieving process and I am speaking to every person right now if you've ever gone through any kind of grieving process and you've had that hug from that one person, I believe that is Jesus in a human form giving you that moment it is. And so when you tell a single person all you need is Jesus, you're saying to us I mean previously, from not that long ago to us that human touch doesn't matter. 

0:28:25 - Speaker 1
Now, it's so funny you bring up grieving because I remember when my dad died next week it'll be six years ago After it was quiet. You know, all the flowers are gone, all the people have come and gone, the house is quiet and my single self it's just me. The boys have gone back to their dads, which their dad is great. I couldn't have asked for a better baby daddy. He calls me his baby mama, I call him my baby daddy. But we are the best of friends. Now he's just not a believer but that's a story for another day but we are the best of friends. 

But he had gone, the kids had gone and I was by myself and I just remember just wanting somebody to hold me. I didn't even mean it to be, it didn't even have to be a relationship type of hold. I just wanted that physical touch. I just wanted to be held by somebody. I just felt like in that quiet, quiet moment I needed a hug. 

So whenever I hear somebody say all you need is Jesus, yes, in that very quiet moment when all I wanted was my daddy, yes, I knew Jesus loved me. I knew in time Jesus was going to help my broken heart heal or help me to be better with you. Know, just get over, not get over it. But I knew in time Jesus was going to help me through this. But at that moment, even though I love Jesus, I needed, wanted physical touch. So I never tell people all you need is Jesus. I make it a point not to say that, and I know people mean well, but I wonder if you really know how that doesn't really help by saying that, because even like you said, jesus puts people in your path because he knows when you need a hug, he knows when you need a kind word, he knows when you need somebody to put you in your place, like Jesus knows, mm. Hmm, so saying that's all you need, that's just not helpful. 

0:30:46 - Speaker 2
And. 

0:30:46 - Speaker 1
I hope I didn't ruffle any feathers. I'm not taking it back because that's truly how I feel, but that's my heart. 

0:30:55 - Speaker 2
Another, since we're on the track of things, to please not do. I know I'm potentially going to ruffle some feathers here. If you're in your early 20s and you're married, you do not need to be telling somebody who is in their 30s their 40s that they're single that, all the ways that things can be great if you just find that one. Please don't Don't give me any advice at all. 

0:31:23 - Speaker 1
If you are new, y'all just live your life Be happy. Thank you, Lord, that you guys found your person at that age and y'all just keep on growing and learning and loving and growing in Jesus together. Growing in Christ together, like don't give advice, because, listen, because I'm becoming at that age where I am becoming old and crotchety sometimes, just now becoming. No, I'm just kidding. You know what, you know what I'm earning it, though. 

0:31:54 - Speaker 2
I own it with you. 

0:31:55 - Speaker 1
I know, that's why we can talk that to each other, but I sometimes get offended at young people giving me advice for things they haven't learned and lived yet. 

0:32:08 - Speaker 2
Absolutely. 

0:32:09 - Speaker 1
Especially advice, like my son one time tried to give me some relationship advice and I'm like boy, boy and I forgot what he was talking about and I'm like, are you even dating anybody? He was like no, but that's just beside the point. He was like I tried to give daddy some advice too and I'm like, are you even dating anybody? He was like no, but that's just beside the point. He was like I tried to give daddy some advice too and I'm like what did daddy say? He told me to sit down and shut up. I was like, well, what's your daddy said? I get so offended because, look, you just got to respect people that have lived life and just. 

And just be a sponge. 

0:32:46 - Speaker 2
I mean multi-generational relationships are important. I truly believe that. But you also have to understand that where you're at is not where someone else is. Oh my goodness, yeah, you as a young person, married is not where. I'm never going to relate to that and you're never going to relate to me, having been single this long. And so it's not that we're necessarily saying just don't ever share anything. 

0:33:16 - Speaker 1
Oh yeah, no, not at all, that's not it. We can still learn from each other Exactly. 

0:33:20 - Speaker 2
A hundred percent, but be conscientious, conscientious. 

0:33:25 - Speaker 1
Conscientious sounded, right, conscientious yeah. I think that sounded right, let's go with that, yeah. 

0:33:30 - Speaker 2
Okay, be conscientious of the people you're around. As you are having these conversations. I am very much speaking from a point where this happened with me and it was a young married couple in a small group I was in as single I had not met Mike yet and they were talking about how, you know, everybody just needs to really pray more and all this stuff, and married life is hard and it's great and it's all these things, and we really struggle with this and all this stuff. And I'm just sitting there with almost everyone else in that group was single and older, and I'm just looking around and I'm like this is where I'm a ball. You can't keep underwater and you really got to push me down right now. So, yeah, it's exactly, you can always learn from people, no matter what their age is and their stage, but you need to be careful of how you're saying things and when and who you're saying them with. 

0:34:22 - Speaker 1
Yeah, Okay, but I will give a couple pieces of advice before we wrap up. We're wrapping up already? Yeah, I guess so, but that means you just have to come back and do another podcast. There we go. How about that? I love it, okay. First of all, ghosting is wrong. Stop ghosting people. If you don't like a person you started talking to, just be straight up and real and just be honest and say hey, we're not having a connection, and move on. Ghosting is so childish. Stop doing that. Actually, I guess that wasn't advice. That was just me rudely telling you how to ghost people. I'm so sorry If you need a definition of ghosting. 

0:35:01 - Speaker 2
It's where you just stop talking to somebody. 

0:35:05 - Speaker 1
No explanation, just nothing. Just gone. There's no closure you know what. 

0:35:10 - Speaker 2
It's a sign of maturity to just say hey, you know you're a great person. You're not my person, right? Thank you so much for the little bit of time you spent with me, even if it's just through text message on an app. Yeah, Moving on, there you go. Thank you for that, thank you Next On an app? 

0:35:27 - Speaker 1
Yeah, moving on, there you go. Thank you for that. Thank you next. You compliment me well, or do? Yeah, you know what you help me. 

0:35:32 - Speaker 2
We work together there, you go Also. 

0:35:35 - Speaker 1
just be kind and be honest. I just honesty goes a long way. Oh my gosh. Yes, you ain't got to lie. 

0:35:45 - Speaker 2
No. 

0:35:58 - Speaker 1
I just don't understand. The fish is this, oh my gosh. Yes, if you meet somebody at the store and I ask you if you have a relationship with Jesus or if you love Jesus. If the answer is no, maybe this is your opportunity to learn about him. Maybe I can tell you about him. Either you're open or you're not. Look, I love Jesus. I know where I want to go when I die. So it's on you. If you don't like him, if you don't like me talking about him, that's on you too. Just be honest. You know what I mean. Just, you don't have to lie. That's all I'm saying. 

0:36:33 - Speaker 2
I mean no, no, not just about Jesus. Yeah, About everything. Yes, yes, If you still live in your mama's basement but you've signed a lease on an apartment. There's a conversation. 

0:36:44 - Speaker 1
There's a conversation, say that we can work with that. That is doable. There's hope we can work with that. There is potential I can be understanding. 

0:36:55 - Speaker 2
Oh. But that makes me think of something one of my best friends tells me all the time Don't date potential, oh, and don't try to change people. Don't try to change people, they're not going to change. But also, if you're like, oh, but that person has some potential, don't try to change people, they're not going to change. But also, if you're like, oh, but that person has some potential, they need to get themselves to where your idea of what that could be potential is already before you start dating. This is true. 

0:37:14 - Speaker 1
Don't do it. Very good advice. Okay, One last thing Always ask if you could have Jesus fix one thing, big or small, and I know there's a lot. What would you go to Jesus and say Jesus today, could you please fix? 

0:37:29 - Speaker 2
Jesus fix it that my mom's cancer would go away. 

0:37:35 - Speaker 1
I didn't know your mom had cancer. 

0:37:36 - Speaker 2
She has been working through it for oh my gosh, she told me in 2006. Do the math? I can't 18 years, something like that. Yeah, I feel like a horrible friend that I did not know that. Oh the math, I can't. 18 years, something like that. What I feel like a horrible friend that I did not know that. 

Oh my gosh, I'm not very vocal about it. I just want to make sure I didn't miss that. No, no, no, no. So I mean this is again. This could be a whole different podcast for a whole other day. But she was diagnosed with leukemia and something in her body, naturally, was fighting it, which was amazing. So her doctor said you don't need to be on medicine for a while Long time. Fast forward many years and then her body stopped fighting it. So it's raw. Because it was happening right around my wedding, because it was happening right around my wedding At the beginning of 2023, my mom went into the hospital and they were like now this is serious, we need to really address this and we're not sure what to do, based on just some things that my mom did and didn't want to do, and she didn't talk about it. 

Came to my wedding shower in June and she looked frail. I'd never seen my mom look frail. She's a workhorse, she is a strong woman and she was frail, and my best friend, who was there with me even was like eyes open. She knew my mom. She was like could not believe this was what my mom looked like Very frail and we started having some conversations and my mom said, yeah, last week I was in the hospital again. I didn't want to tell you because I don't want to. You know rain on your parade of your bridal shower. That's a mom. That's a mom, she said. The doctors told me either you go in the hospital or you go into hospice. Those are your two options right now and that's where we're at. Those are your two options right now and that's where we're at. 

And I was just like, are you kidding me right now? Like I can't think about the celebrations that are going on. We've still got a couple months until we're supposed to get married. For 40 something years we've been looking forward to this and now you're talking about how you might not be here. I mean, every little girl I don't care if you're a tomboy you still think about that day. Your mom gets to zip your wedding dress up, whatever it looks like, and that was very, very tough. And so we put on the best face, have pictures from the bridal shower. Mom and I are in tears because it's like this, legit, could be the last time I see her, because my parents live far away. And I was thinking about that and it was. It was difficult to feel, celebrate, celebratory, it was just difficult. But we put on the best face we could because we knew my mom was going to be with Jesus and she was going to be out of pain. But it was still hard. Our human hearts we want that hug. It is difficult. 

So my parents went back home and I was talking with Megan, who's my best friend, and she said she also lost her dad about six or seven years ago. And she was like what will you feel is most regretful If your mom doesn't get to see you get married? Are you going to feel regretful for that? I was like you know what? Yeah, that would be a regret. And she said why don't you guys do a justice of the peace wedding? There's nothing wrong with that. My dad's an ordained pastor. 

The next weekend my parents came back up to where we were in Pennsylvania and my husband, mike and I. We went to the courthouse, we got the paperwork, we went to a park and it was my parents, megan and us, and we had this beautiful ceremony, an official ceremony in front of God, in front of our family and best friend. And then it was like okay, god, I can release my mom to you If this is what you're asking me to do, I can release her, because this moment that we wanted she was there for and it was beautiful and it was more celebratory than the weekend before. And then she was able to get on some medicine that helped her, and she was still very weak. But she was there for our big August wedding that we did in a church in front of all the family and friends, and now, over a year later, she is healthier. The medicine she was on really has helped. 

It was experimental. She's not going to be able to get any more, so at any moment she could turn the corner and that's it. So Jesus fix it. He can. He can supernaturally take care of that and remove it from her body. I know he can do it. I pray for it. But I also know that every single person she touches, whenever she's gone for any treatments, are getting to see some Jesus. So that's selfish of me to say just remove it completely from her, but that would be my Jesus fix it moment. Just remove it completely from her, but that would be my Jesus fix it moment.