Love Is...

Join us for a heartfelt and humorous episode of the Jesus Fix It podcast as we explore the insightful world of love languages. Jess and Steph share personal stories and insights into how understanding the five love languages can transform relationships and bring deeper meaning to self-love. From words of affirmation to acts of service, they delve into the power of small gestures and the importance of respecting each other's boundaries. They also take a closer look at the role of physical touch and quality time in expressing love, highlighting the challenges and rewards that come with these love languages. 

Jess and Steph then broaden the perspective to consider love from a divine standpoint. They explore the unconditional and ever-present love of God, reassuring listeners that regardless of the month or personal circumstances, they are worthy of this steadfast love. With light-hearted examples, like the love languages of coffee and tacos, they highlight the multifaceted nature of love and how it can be expressed in delightful and unexpected ways. The episode concludes with a reflective and relatable discussion on personal growth and self-awareness, reminding listeners of the importance of adjusting attitudes with a little divine help.

Transcript

0:00:01 - Jess

Hey, welcome back, or welcome to, the Jesus Fix it podcast, the show where we talk about life, the ups, the downs, a little pop culture and everything in between. I'm Jess. 

0:00:12 - Steph

And I'm Steph. Every other week, we dive into the things we're asking Jesus to fix and, let's be real, there's a lot. You can always count on us to keep it real. 

0:00:22 - Jess

Share some laughs with us and maybe a few tears, as we tackle the big and small stuff with faith and honesty. So grab your coffee and let's get into it. February is here. Whether you are in a relationship, you're navigating that single life hashtag single life Okay, I sounded really old. Or whether you are just in the stage of self-love yeah, you could benefit from knowing the five love languages, right? Oh, do they all have to do with coffee? Okay, no, they don't. Okay, I'm using my cheat sheet because I know them, but I just want to make sure I get them right. So, first of all, words of affirmation this is my love language. 

0:01:10 - Steph

This is where you say to somebody physically like, very seriously, I love you, like that's plain and simple, or you did a great job. You use your words, use your words. I didn't even realize this, but just earlier today I was feeding into your love language because I was telling you about something I heard and I thought, man, that spoke into my life. 

0:01:27 - Jess

So thank you for that I love kindness and I feel like when you speak kind like, of course, doing the things as well, but I feel like when you affirm people, that just means a lot, because sometimes all you need is a kind word yes, you know, yes. 

0:01:42 - Steph

Yeah, all right. So then the second one acts of service. Okay, and this, yeah, this is where it could just be like literally using it for us here in the studio. Hey, jess, can you help me figure out how to make this sound better and you help me take over some of the technology? That's an act of service. Yeah, that's a way of showing love Someone else. It could be that their kids are making a meal for them. 

0:02:08 - Jess

Yeah, let me tell you I was a single mom, and so now, first of all, let me say their dad was great is great, but you know, we weren't a couple for the majority of my kids' life. And so having people say, hey, can I pick your kids up from practice, can I take your kids over yonder while? You go get a pedicure. Whoa, that meant a lot, yeah. So acts of service yeah, that's a good one. All right, next up, receiving gifts. 

0:02:39 - Steph

You know I talked about this on my show recently how my husband just will surprise me with flowers. Receiving gifts can go. All of these love languages can go both ways. It's a way that you feel love the best and it's also a way that you show love to others, Showing yeah, and it's important to understand they might not be the same for you or for your person in your life, but, yeah, he just will surprise me with flowers and you know I told him, like grocery store flowers are fine, you don't need to go spending a lot of money on them, because that's redonkulous. 

0:03:11 - Jess

Oh, my goodness Please don't ever go to a flower shop and spend that kind of money. 

0:03:15 - Steph

Like especially around Valentine's Day. For whatever reason, let's just jack the price up, look for that somebody who's listening right now.

0:03:22 - Jess

Don't spend your money on me on flowers. Go to Ulta. 

0:03:27 - Steph

Okay, yes, makeup is an act of receiving a gift. That is huge in the love language for the two of us specifically. 

0:03:35 - Jess

Yes, not that I don't appreciate the flowers, right, but I'm just saying your money will go a lot further at Ulta. Okay, we digress. Yes. The next one is physical touch, a foot massage. 

0:03:50 - Steph

I'm just saying. I mean physical touch is one of those. It doesn't have to be in a way that a married couple is coming together, right, exactly, I love physical touch. This is one of my ways of showing love to others, so I struggle with it because not everybody wants to be touched In this day and time. 

0:04:09 - Jess

you have to ask permission. You do. But can I just say look, every single morning Steph comes into the studio when she gets here and gives me a hug. That means a lot, Not just because I'm freezing and I'm never freezing and you warm me up when you do that, but it is very nice and some people love that. Now there are people like Doug. Yeah, Our general manager here at Spirit FM. He's like don't you ever Barely even a handshake Really? He actually, when he greets you, takes a step back. 

Yeah, Just to let you know this is not something you know what, but that's okay Because, yeah, you can know what the boundary is. 

0:04:49 - Steph

See that, yeah, my struggle, though, with showing love through physical touch and being a cat lady is I like to go up to people and I purr and like build biscuits on their arm Okay. We're not animals. 

0:05:01 - Jess

We're not, you know we're not animals. We're not, you know, I know we are, but we're not. So okay, we're just like prr, prr, prr and build biscuits on their arms. You don't pet us like that. Now, if you ever come in and start petting my head, you don't touch your hair. 

0:05:17 - Steph

I know that rule. 

0:05:18 - Jess

I know that one big and loud yes, we're like. Okay, Steph. 

0:05:23 - Steph

Yeah, we're like, okay, Steph. Yeah, calm down, all right girl. Yep, okay, the other love language, the last one. Oh, is there another quality time. 

0:05:34 - Jess

Oh yes, that's right. Oh man, oh, I forget about that one, just because sometimes I'm an introvert and I like being by myself. I mean, I understand that, I totally understand. No, but I get it. A lot of people need that quality time. I actually do like quality time, but I love time alone as well. For me it's a 50-50, especially when you're a couple, I feel like you need that time together. Yes, yes, you absolutely. But it's also good for everybody to have that alone time. It makes you miss that person. 

0:06:05 - Steph

I mean my husband and I just decided that we're getting into small groups at our church separately. I'm in a women's group, he's in a men's group. It gives us that little bit of separation that we do need and then allows us to be poured into and pour into others that are male or female yeah. Yeah, so yeah, that quality time thing though. So that is an example going to a small group quality time with some people. 

The big thing that I struggle with with quality time when I'm with people, this thing, I'm holding up my phone, this thing that is such a distraction and when somebody if I'm going out to dinner with somebody like we had dinner a couple of weeks ago, yeah, and I was very specific my phone is not going out to dinner with somebody, like we had dinner a couple weeks ago, yeah, and I was very specific my phone is not coming out Same, like I don't remember seeing your phone out Beautiful purse, but not your phone. And that's a big deal of saying I care about this person. 

0:06:57 - Jess

It is. Yeah, there are some restaurants that actually now have a basket on the table where you put your phone in the basket and it's kind of like a safety net, like your phone is here, if there's an emergency, you can pick up your phone, but the phone stays in the basket the whole time you're having dinner so that you can have FaceTime in person so to speak with the people you're having dinner with. 

I love that idea, but I know this is sad to say, but I've pretty much given up when I go out to dinner with my boys, because it's a guarantee that the first thing we do when we sit down for dinner is they're going to pull out their phones before they even look at the menu. 

0:07:37 - Steph

Oh, so quality time is not a love language of theirs. 

0:07:40 - Jess

It's not. Yeah, Now eating is that should be a whole separate love language? It's not. Now eating is that should be a whole separate love language. Feeding them, that is their love language. 

0:07:47 - Steph

Maybe that's receiving gifts from them, because they're receiving the food. 

0:07:51 - Jess

One thing is guaranteed from my children they're boys, 21 and 24. Every single time I give them food, thank you, mom. You're the best mom ever. I'm always going to get a thank you when I feed them. 

0:08:04 - Steph

So they understand that words of affirmation is your love language of receiving when I feed them, yeah Well when I pay their rent, it's expected when I give them food. Thank you, mom, yeah. 

0:08:19 - Jess

But you know, the phone thing, I don't know, it seems like that's. Is that a cultural thing now? 

0:08:22 - Steph

You know you also have the watch, so, like, even if you have your phone away, like you know, we were sitting in a meeting the other day and someone's watch kept going off and they're literally in the middle of their sentence looking at the watch and I'm just like how can you be paying attention? Yeah, the intentionality there it just it doesn't exist. When it comes to technology, that is everywhere. 

0:08:43 - Jess

Yeah, yeah, can we talk about now we mentioned? Okay, so this is how you love on other people and you show people how you want to be loved, cause that's important. I feel like it's important for you to know how to love your people. Yes, because I want to know how to love you, as my friend Steph. I want to know what your love language is. I want to know how to love you as my friend Steph. I want to know what your love language is. I want to know how to love my man. I want to know how to love my sister, and my mom. 

That's important, and I feel like it's important how to show other people how to love me. Yes, but how do you love yourself? And not in a vain kind of way, not in a prideful kind of way. There's been a lot of thought Caring about yourself. 

0:09:23 - Steph

Yeah. 

0:09:23 - Jess

And there's been so much controversy I feel like this last several years about the whole self-care and oh, it's prideful to love yourself? I don't feel like it is. You have to love yourself to a certain extent. Not prideful, but I feel like you have to show yourself love. 

0:09:40 - Steph

Well, when you do that and you show yourself love, you are feeling better. Like for me, it is going to a chiropractor and getting a massage Like my, because that just helps my physical being. Like I literally just sat up and moved my shoulders and my back cracked, like that tells me I need to get to a chiropractor. So when I physically feel better, not only can I just work better, I can love on people better, I can do things better because I've cared about myself. Yeah, you know I mean okay, so excuse my knowledge right now. Biblically, you love others first and then you love yourself. 

0:10:19 - Jess

It's 1 John 4, 19. We love because he first loved us there you go. 

0:10:25 - Steph

Yes, yeah, loving yourself is very important, but again, like you said, not in a prideful way, right? 

0:10:31 - Jess

Now I have known people like that and, if I'm being honest, I think there was a time that I probably was very prideful and it took a lot of God, a lot of Jesus and a lot of pruning and a lot of work for me to say, okay, girl, it ain't about you, less of me and more of him, like I think a lot of us went through those stages and you know like I had to like step aside and let Jesus do his thing. 

I can admit that, yeah, and kids, having kids helped a lot because, I tell you, before I had kids, I was oh my goodness. And then when they came and they took literally everything. No, I'm just kidding, kind of kidding, but seriously, yeah, so I get that. 

0:11:25 - Steph

Yeah, something that you know it makes me think, cause I don't have kids, I have a four legged variety and they're great, but they're four legged, you know. But for me, before I got married, it was so important for me to love on my friends and like, if you talk to any of my friends from my church before I moved, what would they say about Steph she? 

was a connector, like so many of my friends. It's like I know people who need to know other people and so I'm gonna connect you. Like my best friend, Megan, when she got connected into the church, like goodness gracious, that's a whole nother conversation. She had moved from Ohio, thought she was getting married the guy. Then all of a sudden, she had moved from Ohio, thought she was getting married, the guy. Then all of a sudden, nope, we're not supposed to be together. 

I'd met her one time and I had called her about something and she was like, yeah, no, that's not going to work because it had to do with both of them and we're not together. And I said let's go get coffee. So we sat at a Dunkin' she bawled her eyes out for like two hours, somebody she barely knew, and God just put me in that place and I was willing to set myself aside. And what I had going on? To say, okay, let me love on you even though I don't know you. And we became great friends from that. 

And the next week I was like come to church. You'd already been there, but you didn't know anybody. And these will be her words Within 10 minutes she knew 30 people because I was connected in there and my love language for folks is making sure they feel welcomed. I've been that new person in that new place so many times and it is such a struggle that that's what I want to do for others is I want to make sure they feel connected, they feel welcomed, they feel seen and that they're not just floundering and alone, even when you're an introvert, because I understand respect and boundaries. You know, sometimes I am that introvert that needs someone to come to me. Other times I can be and push myself to be an extrovert and say nope, come alongside Introverted extrovert Yep. 

0:13:16 - Jess

But you know that could be your spiritual gift that God has given you and I really feel like in situations like you and your friend Megan, God puts people in your path like that. He knows what you need when you need, who you need when you need it. God orders your steps in that way Because I've met people like that. I've been connected to people that honestly, I thought there's no way I would ever be that person's friend, there's no way that me and this person are ever going to gel or get along. And, oh, my goodness, we've been friends for 20 years now. Thank you. 

0:13:51 - Steph

Holy Spirit, who would have? 

0:13:52 - Jess

thought, yeah, god is so good in that way. Okay, so this is the thing. Some people do not look forward to February because there are all the hearts, there are all the balloons and it's like all about people who are coupled up and booed up and it's all about love, this and all the hearts. I agree, all of this. There are even some married people that are like okay already. But okay, pause and just reflect on this deeper question. Yes, I'm going to take it here because it's Jesus. Fix it, amen. 

Been talking a lot about love languages and about how we give and receive love from other people around us. But what about God's love? Not about the hearts, not about the candies and yes, I'm sounding real cheesy right now, but seriously, where does that fit into the picture? Not just in February, but in March and in April and in May and for the rest of the year. In a world where love can feel conditional or even transactional, god's love is different, right, it's unconditional, it's unearned and it's ever-present. So, no matter what your love language is, no matter how you feel about yourself today or next month, god's love for you is steadfast and it's that love that never fails, it never fluctuates, based on your performance and you don't have to earn that love. Yes, there you go performance, and you don't have to earn that love. Yes, there you go. If you have zoned out of this whole podcast, I just want that to be your takeaway. Do you know what I mean? 

0:15:32 - Steph

You don't earn God's love. No. 

0:15:35 - Jess

And you're worthy. You're worthy of God's love. It doesn't matter how many roses you get, it doesn't matter how many hearts people are walking around with this month, because you know what. Somebody may get a dozen boxes of chocolates and you may not get any boxes of chocolate, but you are so worthy of God's love. They may get 10 boxes of chocolate this month, but you know what? In the month of March, you still have God's love. In April, you still have God's love. You don't have to earn it, you're so worthy of that. 

0:16:10 - Steph

I just keep thinking about Ephesians 2, 8, 9, for it is by grace that you receive God's love. It's a gift from him. It's nothing that you earn. Paraphrase Steph style but yeah, but I got you. Yes, so get that. Yeah, all right, I have something funny for you. Okay, I love funny. Here's how, if you have been listening and you're like, okay, I understand the five love languages, but I'm not real sure how to apply them, okay, these can be used for your sons because it has to do. Both of them have to do with food, and you actually mentioned one of them earlier. You said about coffee. Oh, okay, okay, five love languages with coffee. Words of affirmation your coffee is delicious. Acts of service I made you coffee, thank you. Receiving Gifts here's a coffee for you. Quality time let's go get a coffee, please. Physical touch Quality time let's go get a coffee, please. 

Physical touch Let me hold you like a coffee. Oh, thank you. That sounds just so warm and cuddly. Huh, all right. Now here's one that your sons might appreciate a little bit more. Okay, all right. Five love languages, words of affirmation your tacos are delicious Acts of service. I made you tacos Receiving gifts. Here's a taco Quality time. Let's go out and get a taco together. Physical touch Let me hold you like a taco. 

0:17:31 - Jess

I love it, but you would have to switch tacos with chicken nuggets for my kids. Okay, they still eat like 10-year-old children. 

0:17:38 - Steph

You know I have a friend who's in his 30s and does the same thing, you know Okay. Reason does the same thing, you know Okay. There you go. Well, this was fun, all right, so Jess what would you have? 

0:17:54 - Jess

Jesus fix it. Oh, my goodness, what is my Jesus fix it? This time I'm just going to keep it simple and real, this episode, my heart, because I am realizing and I think I may have mentioned this probably one time this week when we were talking I'm the bitter old lady I used to fuss about. I find myself fussing about all kinds of stuff and it's just like random things and I just remember growing up I'm like, oh my gosh, Mrs. Such and Such is the bitter lady sitting on her porch fussing at us kids. I'm the bitter old such-and-such. So yeah, Jesus fix my heart. 

0:18:32 - Announcer

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