Jesus Fix It with Jess & Steph!
Life is beautiful, crazy, messy and ever-changing. Thank the Lord, Jesus can handle it all! Jesus Fix It with Jess & Steph is about finding your way through the clutter; and perhaps having some laughs along the way. The Christian walk doesn’t always come wrapped in nice pretty packaging, so count on us to keep it real.
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The Jesus Fix It podcast with Jess & Steph, brought to you by Your Encouraging Spirit FM.
Jesus Fix It with Jess & Steph!
Iron Sharpens Iron: The Power of Christian Brotherhood w/Ben Sutphin
What happens when men drop the tough-guy act and actually show up for each other? In this eye-opening conversation with guest Ben, we dive deep into what authentic male friendship looks like beyond surface-level church groups.
Ben shares the moving origin story of his unusual men's group, which began in 2008 when he committed to weekly meetings with a friend whose wife had died by suicide. Dominoes and baseball games evolved into a brotherhood of five men who've carried each other through cancer diagnoses, deaths of spouses, raising children with special needs, and career struggles. Unlike typical men's ministry breakfasts, these guys embody what Scripture means by "a cord of three strands is not quickly broken" - becoming what Ben calls "the guys who would dig through the roof" to get their friend to Jesus.
Whether you're struggling to find meaningful male friendships, wondering how to support the men in your life, or simply curious about how faith communities can better serve men's emotional needs, this episode offers practical wisdom and heartfelt encouragement. As Ben powerfully asks: Who's going to dig through the roof for you when life falls apart?
Hey, welcome back, or welcome to the Jesus Fix it podcast, the show where we talk about life, the ups, the downs, a little pop culture and everything in between. I'm Jess and I'm Steph.
Steph:Every other week we dive into the things we're asking Jesus to fix. And let's be real, there's a lot. You can always count on us to keep it real.
Jess:Share some laughs with us and maybe a few tears as we tackle the big and small stuff with faith and honesty. So grab your coffee and let's get into it. We are not alone today. We have a friend in the studio with us today, so that means we got to be on our best behavior, really. Okay, we'll try. We will try to be on our best behavior. No promises, though. Our friend Ben is here. Ben, thank you so much for joining us. So it's not about all things ladies today. No, we want to pour into men today. Yes, it's so important. And so, ben, you're going to help us do that. You're going to help us pour into our men so our men can stay lifted up and encouraged.
Ben:Absolutely.
Jess:First of all, tell us a little bit about you, okay.
Ben:I've been involved with Spirit FM for quite some time I think even before either of you ever came to Spirit FM that I was volunteering and I've kind of been around and you introduced me as friend. I was thinking to myself well, actually I always thought I was family, so I guess I've been demoted.
Jess:You are. You are friend and family. How about that?
Jess:Yes, you are family.
Jess:Yes.
Ben:Well, I'll tell you about our little men's group. It's not your typical men's group at a church. Okay, because a lot of times people think about a men's group. You're thinking, oh gee, 30, 40 guys getting together on Saturday morning, having breakfast together, hearing a little devotional, and you're going off your way until the next month. That's not what I'm into right now. All of this started probably back in late 2008. All of this started probably back in late 2008.
Steph:I had a buddy his name's Al and his wife committed suicide.
Ben:In fact, it happened while he was at church with us one Sunday he went home and found her. The church really didn't respond well to his needs.
Ben:And I kind of got wind that Al was thinking about leaving the church. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings. It's really strange. I remember this. We were watching election returns from the 2008 election. We talked and I said look, al, I'm going to commit to you every Tuesday night because that's what it was. It was a Tuesday night. Every Tuesday night we're going to get together and do something, whatever it is, and that started a group that is now about five of us.
Ben:Since that time, we've had another guy in our group lose his wife. She died of cancer, died at home, and I can remember sitting at his house with him and another one of our guys waiting for the funeral home to come get her. That was really a tough situation. We've got another guy who has not had a wife been divorced for quite some time. We were sitting at a ball game together in salem that hey, tim. I said, uh, you know you need anything with all this going on. Let me know I can even take some time off work, take you to the doctor, take you to uva, whatever. Well, it ended up that al and myself went with him to uva to have his cancer surgery and we stayed there the whole weekend with him. And it was really interesting too, because we were the ones that met the doctor after the surgery and that doctor was really commenting back to Tim, you've got some crazy friends, but they're the best ones they are.
Ben:But she was really taken back by the fact we were there and we were that concerned about him to get him through that.
Steph:Yeah.
Ben:So we would get together at Al's house and play Mexican train.
Jess:dominoes have you ever played those? How is that different from regular dominoes?
Ben:What is that? It's dominoes on steroids.
Jess:Okay, so when we play dominoes where I'm from, we slam them on the table.
Ben:Oh geez.
Jess:Yeah, it gets.
Ben:Take your rings off.
Jess:Yeah, it's serious business.
Ben:Oh, it was serious business Okay. Instead of just one line, you've got maybe six or eight lines oh, it's going everywhere.
Steph:Oh, it's going everywhere. Oh, okay, gotcha.
Ben:But we used to get together and do that. Oh wow, we traveled ballgames together. We went to Boston about a year after his wife passed.
Steph:We went up there and saw a.
Ben:Red Sox game together with some friends. He now lives in the Outer Banks. He has basically retired, moved out of the Roanoke area and we go see him about once a year and hang out with him, you know, and enjoy some fellowship there. The other guy that I really haven't mentioned in the group his name's Joel, and Joel has a special needs son. He's got autism. So we all try to jump in and help Joel the best we can to encourage him along. Joel has to work very flexible jobs so he can be there for his son. So a lot of flexible jobs don't pay the best right, Okay. So we had to have some work done in our basement and I was able to help him out a little financially, Things I can't physically do anymore myself. So he's helping me, I'm helping him. Joel's a really, really great guy. If you ever needed anything, he's one of those guys that'll just jump right in there and help you get it done. Really, all of these guys are. I've been going through some rough stuff myself let's be honest here.
Ben:Work hasn't been going the greatest for me here lately and I've been struggling maybe producing what I need to produce at work. And I was able to get in touch with these guys last week and say, hey guys, I need your prayers, this isn't going well and within oh wow, 30 minutes I'd heard from each one of them saying you got it, we've got you covered, and had breakfast, in fact, this past Saturday all together. Al wasn't with us, of course.
Ben:He lives in the Outer Banks now so we only see him maybe once or twice a year to get together in Roanoke, but you know we were able to talk about different things going on in life. In life, tim is getting to the point that he's getting tired of work. I guess he's talking about following me into that retirement thing. But the bad thing is I retired and then I went and took another job and kept on going because I still had bills to pay.
Jess:Yeah, but you've already touched on so many things that you know we talk about all the time as women. We talk about loneliness, we talk about divorce, we talk about having to take care of kids with special needs, we talk about anxiety, anxiety, mental health, but honestly, we rarely hear men talk about these things. So I don't want to. Refreshing is not the word I want to say, but it's almost refreshing to know that you guys are talking about these things, because it's good to have somebody to air these things out, with, somebody that you can say hey, I'm not okay. Can you pray with me? Can we meet? Can you just be there for me? Because is it always easy for guys to talk about these things?
Ben:No, unless you've got that relationship with another guy. Usually, you know I'm rough, I'm tough and I can do this on my own.
Jess:Right yeah.
Ben:I don't know if you guys have seen the picture that kind of floats on the Internet that says you need friends that will lower you through the roof and it's got the little drawing. That's my guys. The first time I saw that, I sent it to them and I said this is what we've got. You guys would be the ones digging through the roof to get me down there.
Steph:Let's talk about that a little bit. So you've been with this group of guys, some of them since 2008. If somebody is new to the area, how would you suggest that they find that group of guys that will tear the roof off and lower them down?
Ben:Wow, I think it does start with the larger men's groups at church and not just the men's group. Al and I got really close because we both volunteered with the Awana Ministries at our church ministries at our church.
Ben:I can remember a time we're out at LCA for the Awana games and our little group from Lakeside Baptist was defeating another large church from Lynchburg, which I will not name. We were kind of keeping score in our heads and I can still remember us standing behind. We won. I think we beat these guys. We're trying not to, but that's how we really got to know each other was serving God. Rob came in. Al actually brought Rob in. Rob came in through the children's ministry as well and Al taught well. He was always known as Mr Al at our church and every middle school kid that came through had to go through his boy's Sunday school class.
Ben:Rob had a younger group and he started coming in. Tim and Al probably were a little closer, maybe before he and I got to be friends. Tim started coming pretty regularly. He was food and beverage manager at the ballpark and he actually had me at the ballpark checking IDs for a while. I was doing it more as a favor to him because he needed somebody he could trust to do that. And then Joel got into the group. I don't remember exactly what brought him in, but it was through the church as well.
Ben:In fact I think it could have been Joel had three boys that went through Al's Sunday school class, so I'm sure that's what really connected us.
Jess:That started at the church. Now, church isn't perfect. We're still human, we're still people, so it's not perfect. But you mentioned that when your friend's wife committed suicide, basically you know the church failed him. What can churches do to support our men Not just men, I guess, people in your opinion especially when they're going through a mental health situation?
Ben:Don't forget about them, especially when you lose a family member. What do we do? We prepare a dish. We take it to the house.
Jess:Let's get a meal train, mm-hmm.
Ben:We go to the funeral home and see them. In Al's case, I was the only one that showed up at his house from the church. After that happened. Then, after things kind of went along, everybody loved Al and everybody thought Mr Al has to have all kinds of friends.
Ben:Well, everybody thought everybody else was taking care of and that's where the ball got dropped is everybody assumed everybody else was taking up the the rope. Yeah, and with rob his, his wife died of cancer. Uh, just being there, uh for him. And sometimes it's just a text or a phone call hey, how you're doing today? Do you need to get together and talk Uh? Is there anything uh that we can, we can do for you? And it's just communication. How long does it take to send a text message to a to a friend, to ask about.
Ben:I mean um. So I think that's really everybody thought everybody else was taking care of him.
Jess:Yeah, and you guys, I think the aftercare too. Everybody always thinks about in the moment what do? You need now. What do you need now? But it's the days and the weeks and the months and the years after.
Ben:Yeah.
Jess:So and I think that was really great that you guys said okay, next week and next year, or we're going to keep on doing this Every Tuesday night. I'm here, I'm going to show up for you, I'm going to keep on showing up for you.
Ben:Yeah, Now we've transitioned a little bit, especially during COVID it got kind of tough. I can remember us sitting in lawn chairs in our church parking lot on a Sunday afternoon Six feet apart.
Jess:Remember those days. Remember us sitting in lawn chairs in our church parking lot on a Sunday afternoon.
Ben:Yeah, six feet apart.
Jess:Yeah, remember those days, yeah.
Ben:Kind of. After that. We've kind of transitioned to about once or twice a month. We'll get together for breakfast on a Saturday morning and talk with each other and fellowship with each other. A couple of the guys are bowling together now, which I'm not in shape to bowl anymore. So I told them the other night. I said hey guys, I think the bowling's taking place at the coffee, but that's okay.
Ben:But wow, you know, the other awesome thing about this, jess, is how we get to share Jesus through our experiences you know I was telling you about how amazed the doctor was with Al and I after Tim's surgery and that opened a door for Tim to tell you. Let me tell you about these Christian guys in my life. Let me tell you about Christ type things. The Bible says we're going to produce fruit. Fruit isn't always being on the evangelistic field and bringing people to Christ. Sometimes that fruit's caring for others and having two or three steps out that lead to somebody else bringing that together.
Ben:Another scripture that's really close to me comes from Ecclesiastes when it talks about a cord of three. It is much stronger and just imagine what a cord of five is. You tie us together and one of us falls, the other one picks the other up. And I think you were talking a little bit before we got started about accountability partners and we have to be accountable to each other. I can remember a time back when Al was still in the area, they offered him the opportunity to be the guy pushing the cart of beer around the stadium and he was kind of that would be kind of cool. I said, al, you can't do that. I said, what do you mean? He said how many of these kids that see you teach Sunday school every morning are going to see you at the ballpark being Mr Al the beer guy.
Steph:I said that ain't going to work too well.
Ben:So he's like yeah, you know, you're right, and he didn't do it, you know, because of the relationship we had to talk about that.
Jess:Yeah holding each other accountable.
Ben:Yeah.
Steph:Now you mentioned that, your group of guys mostly at the retirement type age. How would you suggest that folks who are listening grab that multi-generational group of guys the ones that are younger, not like they're in Sunday school and it's the little guys, but the ones that are that I'm going to say it, that middle age range that is, you know, after college you're not even considered a young professional anymore. You're in your mid thirties until your mid fifties and you're forgotten about a lot. How do you suggest that people draw those guys in and pull them in and say, hey, I see the importance of this mentorship and this accountability, because a lot of them are still struggling to even find their way, figure out who they are, figure out who they are in Jesus.
Ben:I think that's maybe where the larger men's groups to identify. You know specific guys that you can have this tight relationship with. Not all of our guys are retirement age. Okay, some of them are in their late 40s or early 50s. So sometimes we have buddies that you know aren't in our group, that may have kids still, and we try to encourage them and just maybe not be quite as close.
Ben:But the Bible kind of teaches to Paul, the Barnabas and the Timothy in your life and I can, you know, outside of that group I can kind of see that. I remember back when I was in Richmond. I was in Richmond for a while before we came back to Roanoke and I had a worship leader at our church who was a little older than me and I was running sound for him for both the church and the Emmaus group out there and he was kind of my Paul. You know he was the one kind of keeping me straight a lot of times.
Ben:I see my group now kind of as my Barnabas, you know my peers type thing, kind of as my Barnabas, you know my peers type thing. And you know I had a guy right before I retired, a young man that just got married that worked for me out of the Richmond office and he was kind of my Timothy, you know. I could kind of pour into him and encourage him along. He was just at that age of having children. But it's important to have those three involved in your life because you need somebody to tell you what to do and you need to be that somebody that can pass that along to the younger and they have to receive it.
Steph:Yeah, yeah, they have to be willing to receive it.
Jess:What would you say to the man who is that tough, macho and who isn't quite there yet as far as letting their guard down and being open to saying, hey brother, I need you, I need your prayers, I just need to talk to you, I just need to cry out to God with you, I just need you to just sit with me and just hear me. What would you say to that man who is not there yet, but you know they need to be there?
Ben:Who's going to dig through the roof for you? Yeah, who's going to dig through the roof for you? Yeah, who's going to dig through the roof for you? If you don't get involved with somebody that can, you can't do it on your own. You know, it's the American thing, being macho, as you called it, you know I can endure everything.
Ben:You know I'll be real transparent here. Wife and I I kind of put my foot in my mouth really bad last night. I got into the leftovers for supper and I ended up eating the leftovers that she wanted and she's like you're eating my brisket and I'm like I don't know, am I? But you know I was upset over that. You know, wasn't the guys there?
Ben:but I had I let emotion out yeah at that time you gotta let motion out, because if you don't, um, it boils up inside of you and then it boils out in ways you don't want it to boil out we do have one ultimate question.
Jess:We do. We have one question. We ask every guest. We even answer this question ourselves. All right, if there was one thing you could ask Jesus to fix today, big or small, what would it be?
Ben:Today, today, okay, today would be my job. I'm kind of struggling at work right now and I've always been the guy that wanted to work wherever God wanted me to be at work, and I'm feeling like maybe that's not where I'm supposed to be, because usually I get that blessing that, whatever it is, I can figure it out, and with this current job it just hadn't been that way.
Ben:So, I'm thinking, all right, where's he want me at right now. So that would be the one thing I would ask him about today, Every day. What's heaven like? Find hope and inspiration with Jess's Daily Devotion. Check out jessdailydevocom or search Jess's Daily Devotion wherever you listen to podcasts.
