Jesus Fix It with Jess & Steph!
Life is beautiful, crazy, messy and ever-changing. Thank the Lord, Jesus can handle it all! Jesus Fix It with Jess & Steph is about finding your way through the clutter; and perhaps having some laughs along the way. The Christian walk doesn’t always come wrapped in nice pretty packaging, so count on us to keep it real.
You can listen to Jesus Fix It on the Spirit FM website, the Spirit FM APP, and wherever you enjoy your podcasts.
The Jesus Fix It podcast with Jess & Steph, brought to you by Your Encouraging Spirit FM.
Jesus Fix It with Jess & Steph!
Faith, Dating, and Expectations...
What happens when Christian dating expectations collide with reality? Join hosts Jess and Steph for a candid, no-holds-barred conversation about navigating relationships as believers in today's world.
From opposite sides of the relationship spectrum – Jess as a divorced single woman approaching 50 and Steph as a newlywed in her 40s – they share raw truths about their journeys. Jess opens up about the surprising challenges of Christian dating, including the uncomfortable reality that some of her strongest pressure to compromise values has come from professing Christian men. Meanwhile, Steph reveals the ongoing work of marriage, especially maintaining romance beyond the honeymoon phase and balancing independence with biblical partnership.
Whether you're single, dating, married, or divorced, this episode offers wisdom, solidarity, and a healthy dose of humor about doing relationships with faith and honesty. Got relationship questions or stories to share? Connect with us on social media – we'd love to continue the conversation!
Hey, welcome back, or welcome to the Jesus Fix it podcast, the show where we talk about life, the ups, the downs, a little pop culture and everything in between.
Steph:I'm Jess and I'm Steph, every other week we dive into the things we're asking Jesus to fix. And let's be real, there's a lot. You can always count on us to keep it real.
Jess:Share some laughs with us, and maybe a few tears, as we tackle the big and small stuff with faith and honesty. So grab your coffee and let's get into it. You're married. I am single.
Steph:Statements, facts yes.
Jess:Okay, so this is the thing. First of all, if you are listening with younger ears, you may want to listen to this episode with just the adults, because we're going to be talking about adult things. Right, we're talking about dating, we're talking about marriage, we're talking about relationships, navigating it as Christians what does it look like?
Steph:But we're not keeping topics off the table.
Jess:Right, yeah, so as always, it's clean, of course, but there may be some topics we discuss that you don't want your young ears listening to, so just wanted to preface that, and now that the housekeeping is out the way, let's continue the conversation.
Jess:Okay so most of my friends who are married have said this statement to me Jess, be glad you're single, I love my husband, but you have this freedom. And I've said to them hey, been there, done that, but I do miss being married Because I do my husband. We are both glad we are no longer married to each other. Your ex, my ex yeah, we co-parent very well, he is actually one of my great friends. We love our boys, but we are so thankful we are no longer married. Let me just say that. But one day I would like to be married again one day.
Jess:Okay, I prayed about it you are struggling to spit this out Because I wondered if I wanted to get married again one day. Because at first, once I got divorced, I did not like being divorced, because, of course, that's not where I saw myself. Because you get married and you have all of these hopes and dreams, you have what you prayed for. I got married, I had my family, I had my home, I had it all I thought, and so, of course, when I got divorced, I was like, lord, this wasn't the plan. What in the world? I know this ain't the story. You wrote what in the world? And so, of course that's not what I wanted. But then I've been divorced for so long.
Jess:I'm an empty nester now and I'm just like, okay, I'm comfy, I'm good, but you know, I'm almost 50. So I'm like, you know, it might be nice to sit on the porch in the rocking chair with somebody. You know, I got a bad knee. All I can do is rock back and forth now. So you know, it might be great to be married again one day. But this date in life listen, it is not for the weak, it is not. It is tough out here. And so when some of my married friends have come to me and said, oh just, you don't have to pick up, you don't have to do this, you're not obligated to do that, I'm just like girl, pray over your husband, pray over your marriage and be thankful that you know you have somebody to do life with, because you don't want to be alone forever you know, right, yeah, and you know you as a married person, I do.
Steph:I have somebody to do life with and my husband, mike. Mike and I we've only been married two years, just barely. So we're still considered newlyweds and we are still trying to navigate. What does marriage look like? I mean, we got married later in life compared to. I mean, share your age if you don't mind.
Jess:Yeah, no, I have to think about that Y'all. She is looking at the ceiling she has on glasses. She's actually looking over top of her glasses. I'm older than her and she can't remember her age All together. Now, jesus, fix it.
Steph:Oh my gosh, I'm 44. Because I had a birthday this summer, so I have to think about that. Yeah, I was born in 81. So you do the math, I don't math.
Jess:I'm going to text her husband and ask him when your birthday is.
Steph:He better know, because it's three days after his. Oh my gosh, I'm crying. This is hilarious.
Jess:Wow, yeah, so all right, so I'm. If this didn't happen when we were recording, nobody would believe me. Okay, we digress. Yes, yes, never going to let you forget this.
Steph:No that's fair, totally fair. Okay, yes, I'm 44. Okay, met my husband on my 40th birthday. We had been talking, just quick overview. We dated, we met online through a dating app. Shameless plug.
Jess:If you listen to the episode 35 in Undateable, you'll get this story. Okay, go ahead. A little more detail.
Steph:Yes, so go back and listen to it. But real quick. So we met online on a dating app, then talked for about a month, met in person. He came to visit me long distance dating came to visit me on my 40th birthday he had just turned 40. So then we dated. I moved out to where he was. We got married August of 23. That's the quick overview of it. So just barely over two years now that we've been married. But in that span of time we have gone through four different job changes, moving twice, losing a pet, which we don't have human kids, we have fur baby kids. So that was very difficult. So a lot of things that we've navigated. So when I have friends who are unmarried and they're just like, oh girl, be so happy that you've got somebody to do life with.
Jess:sure, but I am stressed out well, what make what makes you stressed and married what? What makes what makes that so for you? Expectations?
Steph:Were they not given we went through premarital they wouldn't call it counseling but conversations for like a 12-week session with this couple. They were amazing and we talked through everything and talked about what expectations for different things are. And even after we've been married I keep having a conversation. It's like hey, I still want you to date me.
Jess:That's a big See. That's the biggest thing I hear from my other married friends. It's like I love him, I love her, but the expectations were given but they're not being met. And one of those is hey, we still wanna go on dates. I got your representative when we were dating. We're married now. Don't stop doing all the things.
Steph:Yeah, so I have that conversation with Mike and it's like I would love if you would just, on a Friday night, say, hey, I laid out some clothes for you to change into, we're going out and it's all planned.
Jess:Do you think it's a comfort thing because you're married now and you've just gotten so comfortable with that person, which it's flattering and it's you love me so much. We are so comfortable, we're so compatible with each other, you're my safe place. But also I want you to be so safe and comfortable with me, but also I want you to not forget why you fell in love with me.
Steph:Yeah, that wooing.
Jess:Yeah, courting is what it's, courting is what. Yeah, yeah.
Steph:That's a great. That's what the old folks say Courting.
Jess:No, it's a great old school. I love it. I love the whole idea of courting. Yeah, I don't want it to stop.
Steph:But not having a chaper. The whole idea of courting, yes, and I don't want it to stop, but not having a chaperone when you're courting no, don't get me. No, not a chaperone, that's a whole different.
Jess:Yeah, when I was in high school, my mom actually gave me quarters to keep in my purse. She chaperoned up until I was like 15. Like her or my dad was in a car somewhere nearby. But then when I started complaining y'all can't go on a date with me forever and ever Then they started giving me quarters for payphone. Remember that. Oh yeah, if he gets fresh, yep, you take this quarter and you find a payphone. Okay, I digress.
Steph:But yeah, there is that courting, that dating, the wooing. You know it doesn't have to be this big elaborate, you know, steak dinner out, you know, to the nines with dancing and all that. Now, that wouldn't be a bad idea, every once in a while maybe, yeah, for something special, anniversary, whatever, but it's it's. It's a struggle, and I think another piece for us is being in a new house to us, and there's so many house projects there are.
Steph:I mean it's so easy for for both of us, that in within our just four walls, we look around and it's like there's all these projects that need to be done. So by the time you know I get home from work, or it's a weekend or whatever it is there's not that energy. Yeah, to want to go out and that can be a struggle. Yeah, that can be a struggle.
Jess:I just don't know. I don't know. I'm so conflicted because I don't think. I know I still want it, but I feel like hearing this from you and hearing it from my married friends too. I feel like there's a lot of pressure, though, because I feel like that makes my list grow longer.
Steph:Your standard.
Jess:Yes, because dating as a Christian, you already have this list, like you already have a long list of things Do you love Jesus? Do you go to church? How weird are you? Everybody's weird Christian or not? Everybody is just so stinking weird. I mean, I'm weird too, I get it, but it's just I didn't realize it was going to be this hard and it's like the older I get, the harder it gets.
Steph:Let me ask you this Do you think that some of that hard is because you're so comfortable in your own lifestyle?
Jess:Yes, I know, I know, and it's because I have standards and we've talked about this in the other episode again, listen to 35 and Undateable and I never knew having standards was going to be such a hindrance, especially when you're a Christian. And I'm going to say this and please don't come for me, but this is my truth the hardest are coming from the Christians that I'm dating. I have had more pressure to have sex from the men who are supposed to be Christians. I have had more pressure to just do things that are way outside of my comfort zone, like hey, we have been dating for two weeks, let's talk marriage.
Steph:Whoa.
Jess:Like what? What are you even talking about? Okay, like the craziest, wildest thing, the stalkerish types, the love bombing, the love bombing, oh my gosh, it's so. The narcissistic behavior, all of it. It's so crazy and I just I don't know. I just I don't know. And so, you know, I try not to complain and I just come up with this list and I pray specifically to God what I want and I just imagine God saying okay, jess.
Steph:That's great, jess, that that's what you want, but I know what I have for you, because that's what you need. Yes, that's great, jess, that that's what you want, but I know what I have for you, because that's what you need.
Jess:Yes, yeah and yeah. But it's still so funny, though, that I sit here and I listen to you and I listen to my other married friends, and then I just don't know other married friends, and then I just don't know, are any of us like really, really going to be satisfied or happy?
Steph:I think that you absolutely can. I think where it comes from, where your standards are. You have standards, you have expectations, and where do those meet together? You know, obviously there are biblical standards. You are not going to compromise on. No compromise, no give.
Jess:That's just what it is, and that's probably why I'm single right now, honestly, yeah.
Steph:You know. But then what are those expectations? For me, there are things that I watched 1,000 too many hallmark movies to have some expectations. Yeah, or you and I, we love anna green gables. A gilbert so kindred, oh my gosh. Yes, we are not getting a gilbert blind. No, gilbert doesn't exist. He does not, he doesn't exist, he does not, he doesn't. Even though we don't need our marble sunbursts or halls. I can't think of how the line goes right now, but anyway, and we are not in Avonlea, right, exactly, you know. But having certain expectations and communicating them well is the big key where Mike and I are able to see more eye to eye and set that up. There's certain things that he says to me, and it doesn't have anything to do with the dating side of our marriage, but he's like I wish that you would do and he would just fill in the blank on a couple things.
Jess:Okay.
Steph:I think that's okay, that and I do too because it's like, okay, that is a way that I'm showing, like, respect to him and showing romance to him in some ways, which it might just be as simple as helping me fold the laundry. Yeah, I hate laundry, me too but okay if that helps him feel wanted and desired and gives him the ooey-gooey, butterfly-y feelings that somehow a guy gets in, whatever way. Okay, you know, I want to do that. Yeah, on the flip side, mike, I would appreciate that every once in a while you would just plan a random night out and do not ask me a blessed question about it, because the decision fatigue is real. Yeah, and I just can't.
Jess:It really is yeah, yeah, I, I get that and I wonder if, in my singleness, that I have become so independent that I need to release a little, because one of the best dates that I've been on lately I didn't have to do anything, I didn't have to show up, I didn't have to plan and I always volunteered Like, yeah, any date I have been on, even if he suggests I'm like, oh well, let me help with, let me give you some restaurant suggestions, let me da da, da, da da. Well, this particular date. He said this is the time. You just need to be there. Well, do you need me? Uh-uh, well, let me. For what?
Jess:And then I actually got a little pushy and I had to catch myself and I'm like could I be blocking my own blessings? Because he had everything planned. And I said, well, I'm just going to call. And da da da. He said why Are you paying for anything? I said, oh, and I actually like it wasn't aggressive and he said it in a nice way, but I actually had to catch myself and I was like this man just told you to show up.
Jess:He had everything planned, every detail. I didn't have to do anything, didn't have to lift a finger. Everything was done and I felt so comfortable, I felt at peace and it actually felt good not to have to be the planner. You felt pursued. I did, and that was pretty much the first time that had ever happened in a long, long time, and I don't know if that's God's way of saying okay, jess, you don't have to be the planner all the time, you don't have to take the lead all the time. Let the man lead. I don't know, but that's just so hard for me. Once you've been the leader of your household, once you've been the one doing all the things, once you've been so independent, once you've been the one to have to do all the things, it is really hard to let go.
Steph:Whether you're single or married.
Steph:It is very difficult because you and I are very similar in a lot of ways and that's where in my marriage, that's something I have to work on is letting my husband be the leader of the household, letting him step into the role that God has made him for and step back, and, as I have so many friends that are in similar situations, that you are single, want to be married, trying to navigate this blessed dating life, dating life. And one of my best friends told me please do not, ever, ever, say these words to me. So I haven't said them to her and I'm not saying them to her or you now, but I'm saying this as maybe this is my Jesus. Fix it that people who have well-meaning intentions don't say to single people be glad you're still single.
Jess:Yeah, don't say that and don't say that this is a wasted season or don't consider this season of waiting wasted. Yeah, like, even in your season of singleness, live, yes, live it up, do the things. Because I think I saw you in our work group post something where, in your season of singleness, you did things. You joined some groups at church, you went out and made friends. You did all the things in your season of singleness.
Steph:And I still have that as a great community of friends, even though I'm five, six hours away from them, Because community, whether you're single or married, so important. But in my season of singleness I didn't feel like I was missing something because I was willing to be open to what God had for me in these really rich friendships.
Jess:That's because, whether you're married or single, god doesn't waste anything. Find hope and inspiration with Jess's Daily Devotion.
Steph:Check out jessdailydevocom or search Jess's Daily Devotion wherever you listen to podcasts.
