"This goes back to a weird ass dream I had in college where I was like, some people are afraid of death, or some people are afraid of flying or public speaking. I had this dream where it's like, none of that scared me. What scared me was failing as a dad."
Evan always assumed he'd be a father, but despite his success in other areas of life (like a strong marriage and solid career), he was also deeply afraid of failing in this crucial role.
Evan talks about fears that many of us can relate to, like:
- What if I don't have a good relationship with my kids?
- What will parenting do to my relationship with my spouse… and our careers and lifestyle?
- What if there's never a right time?
We talk about how journaling, thinking, praying, counseling—and, fittingly, some self-parenting—helped him work through those fears and decide he was ready.
And now as the dad of a young daughter, Evan gets real in retrospect about vision vs. reality, trade-offs, and how parents can cope during those less-than-dreamlike moments.
Questions to ask as you listen:
- What beliefs about the kind of parent you might be are influencing your thoughts on parenting?
- How were you raised? What beliefs about the ways to raise children were instilled in you? If you thought about raising children from scratch and not from the starting point of those ingrained beliefs, how would you do it?
- Who are the people around you that you can lean on for support now, as you’re thinking about parenthood, as well as if you decide to become a parent or don’t.
- Intention. Evan talks A LOT about being intentional - as a parent, as a spouse, as a communicator. What are you being intentional about vs. what are you reacting to?
Resources:
Enneagram - https://www.truity.com/
The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential - wrightfoundation.org - this is where I do my group emotional intelligence coaching, as well as individual coaching. They also have a year-long program called the Year of More that was transformational for me.
I am available as a resource (and a coach), always! @krissmac on Instagram.