{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.0,"endTime":4.141,"body":"Hello, my friends and welcome"},{"startTime":0.0,"endTime":4.141,"body":"back. It's season four, oh my"},{"startTime":4.211,"endTime":8.072,"body":"gosh, I can't believe it's"},{"startTime":4.211,"endTime":8.072,"body":"season four. It's been three"},{"startTime":8.143,"endTime":12.705,"body":"years now. And we are entering a"},{"startTime":8.143,"endTime":12.705,"body":"fourth. That is mind boggling to"},{"startTime":12.776,"endTime":16.847,"body":"me. And I think I say that just"},{"startTime":12.776,"endTime":16.847,"body":"about every start of a new"},{"startTime":16.917,"endTime":21.129,"body":"season. Because I really didn't"},{"startTime":16.917,"endTime":21.129,"body":"know what I was getting into"},{"startTime":21.2,"endTime":25.552,"body":"when I started this podcast. I"},{"startTime":21.2,"endTime":25.552,"body":"had been told, you should start"},{"startTime":25.622,"endTime":29.904,"body":"a podcast and I was like, Okay,"},{"startTime":25.622,"endTime":29.904,"body":"here we are. And, you know, I"},{"startTime":29.974,"endTime":34.116,"body":"think that's true for most"},{"startTime":29.974,"endTime":34.116,"body":"things. When you start something"},{"startTime":34.186,"endTime":38.258,"body":"new, you can hear from other"},{"startTime":34.186,"endTime":38.258,"body":"people, well, this is what it"},{"startTime":38.328,"endTime":42.54,"body":"was like for me. And these are"},{"startTime":38.328,"endTime":42.54,"body":"the things that work or don't"},{"startTime":42.61,"endTime":46.682,"body":"work, and you then get all this"},{"startTime":42.61,"endTime":46.682,"body":"information, but you don't"},{"startTime":46.752,"endTime":51.174,"body":"really know what it's going to"},{"startTime":46.752,"endTime":51.174,"body":"be like for you, until you start"},{"startTime":51.245,"endTime":55.737,"body":"until you do the thing until you"},{"startTime":51.245,"endTime":55.737,"body":"engage whatever it is. And that"},{"startTime":55.807,"endTime":60.09,"body":"is kind of the focus of what"},{"startTime":55.807,"endTime":60.09,"body":"we're doing this season. Because"},{"startTime":60.16,"endTime":64.512,"body":"this season, I am going to focus"},{"startTime":60.16,"endTime":64.512,"body":"in on relationships. And yes,"},{"startTime":64.582,"endTime":67.671,"body":"everything is about"},{"startTime":64.582,"endTime":67.671,"body":"relationships. So all my"},{"startTime":67.741,"endTime":72.023,"body":"previous episodes are really"},{"startTime":67.741,"endTime":72.023,"body":"about relationships. However, in"},{"startTime":72.094,"endTime":76.516,"body":"this season, that is the focal"},{"startTime":72.094,"endTime":76.516,"body":"point, we are really emphasizing"},{"startTime":76.586,"endTime":81.009,"body":"being in relation and what does"},{"startTime":76.586,"endTime":81.009,"body":"that look like. And that is why"},{"startTime":81.079,"endTime":85.572,"body":"it's all different is because if"},{"startTime":81.079,"endTime":85.572,"body":"you haven't done it, then it is"},{"startTime":85.642,"endTime":89.784,"body":"a new relationship. Even if"},{"startTime":85.642,"endTime":89.784,"body":"other people have done it, what"},{"startTime":89.854,"endTime":93.925,"body":"their relationship to whatever"},{"startTime":89.854,"endTime":93.925,"body":"it is, or whoever it is, or"},{"startTime":93.996,"endTime":98.207,"body":"wherever it is, is theirs that"},{"startTime":93.996,"endTime":98.207,"body":"is their relationship to that"},{"startTime":98.278,"endTime":101.998,"body":"your relationship will be"},{"startTime":98.278,"endTime":101.998,"body":"different because you are a"},{"startTime":102.068,"endTime":106.491,"body":"different person. There may be"},{"startTime":102.068,"endTime":106.491,"body":"crossovers, but ultimately, it's"},{"startTime":106.561,"endTime":110.562,"body":"you it's your experience of"},{"startTime":106.561,"endTime":110.562,"body":"life, it's your experience in"},{"startTime":110.633,"endTime":114.985,"body":"relation to something someone"},{"startTime":110.633,"endTime":114.985,"body":"somewhere. And that's what we're"},{"startTime":115.055,"endTime":118.565,"body":"going to focus on is what does"},{"startTime":115.055,"endTime":118.565,"body":"cultivating healthy"},{"startTime":118.635,"endTime":122.637,"body":"relationships, in different"},{"startTime":118.635,"endTime":122.637,"body":"spaces of our life look like?"},{"startTime":122.707,"endTime":127.129,"body":"What can we explore in that? How"},{"startTime":122.707,"endTime":127.129,"body":"can we understand that? How do"},{"startTime":127.2,"endTime":131.482,"body":"we understand what that is like"},{"startTime":127.2,"endTime":131.482,"body":"for us, and then also when we"},{"startTime":131.552,"endTime":135.272,"body":"need to do some healing in a"},{"startTime":131.552,"endTime":135.272,"body":"relationship. So in this"},{"startTime":135.343,"endTime":139.554,"body":"episode, we are going to explore"},{"startTime":135.343,"endTime":139.554,"body":"what is a relationship, I'm"},{"startTime":139.625,"endTime":143.837,"body":"gonna dig into the definition"},{"startTime":139.625,"endTime":143.837,"body":"because you know me word nerd."},{"startTime":143.907,"endTime":148.259,"body":"We're gonna talk about qualities"},{"startTime":143.907,"endTime":148.259,"body":"of healthy relationships, red"},{"startTime":148.329,"endTime":152.541,"body":"flags, and relationships. And"},{"startTime":148.329,"endTime":152.541,"body":"then of course, what to expect"},{"startTime":152.611,"endTime":156.894,"body":"in season four. I want to let"},{"startTime":152.611,"endTime":156.894,"body":"you know, before we get started"},{"startTime":156.964,"endTime":161.176,"body":"that I do have some exciting new"},{"startTime":156.964,"endTime":161.176,"body":"things this year, within my"},{"startTime":161.246,"endTime":165.107,"body":"coaching practice, as I"},{"startTime":161.246,"endTime":165.107,"body":"mentioned, at the end of season"},{"startTime":165.177,"endTime":169.319,"body":"three, I am working on having"},{"startTime":165.177,"endTime":169.319,"body":"workshops at the end of every"},{"startTime":169.389,"endTime":173.671,"body":"month or there abouts. So that"},{"startTime":169.389,"endTime":173.671,"body":"is available on my website. On"},{"startTime":173.741,"endTime":177.883,"body":"my homepage, if you scroll to"},{"startTime":173.741,"endTime":177.883,"body":"the bottom, I have everything"},{"startTime":177.953,"endTime":181.814,"body":"listed because I want it to be"},{"startTime":177.953,"endTime":181.814,"body":"easy to access. I'm also"},{"startTime":181.884,"endTime":186.237,"body":"offering group coaching, open"},{"startTime":181.884,"endTime":186.237,"body":"group coaching, normally, I only"},{"startTime":186.307,"endTime":190.8,"body":"do like cohorts, where you make"},{"startTime":186.307,"endTime":190.8,"body":"a commitment to a certain period"},{"startTime":190.87,"endTime":195.433,"body":"of time, and it's a small group."},{"startTime":190.87,"endTime":195.433,"body":"In this case, it's still a small"},{"startTime":195.503,"endTime":199.294,"body":"group, I'm only maxing 12"},{"startTime":195.503,"endTime":199.294,"body":"people. So keeping it small."},{"startTime":199.364,"endTime":203.786,"body":"However, it's once a month, the"},{"startTime":199.364,"endTime":203.786,"body":"beginning of the month, you can"},{"startTime":203.856,"endTime":208.068,"body":"sign up just for a session, if"},{"startTime":203.856,"endTime":208.068,"body":"you're like, I really want to"},{"startTime":208.139,"endTime":212.28,"body":"pick his brain about something I"},{"startTime":208.139,"endTime":212.28,"body":"want help with discernment"},{"startTime":212.351,"endTime":216.492,"body":"around something or I want to"},{"startTime":212.351,"endTime":216.492,"body":"connect with other people who"},{"startTime":216.562,"endTime":220.915,"body":"are doing seeking like I am in"},{"startTime":216.562,"endTime":220.915,"body":"life. That's the space for you."},{"startTime":220.985,"endTime":225.337,"body":"And that is set at pay what you"},{"startTime":220.985,"endTime":225.337,"body":"want. So you don't have to pay"},{"startTime":225.407,"endTime":229.619,"body":"anything, you can just show up"},{"startTime":225.407,"endTime":229.619,"body":"and be like, What is this? Is"},{"startTime":229.69,"endTime":233.902,"body":"this worth it? Do I actually"},{"startTime":229.69,"endTime":233.902,"body":"want to spend my time here? And"},{"startTime":233.972,"endTime":237.903,"body":"then if you're like, that's"},{"startTime":233.972,"endTime":237.903,"body":"amazing. I always appreciate"},{"startTime":237.973,"endTime":242.396,"body":"your support in the work that I"},{"startTime":237.973,"endTime":242.396,"body":"do. But that is an experimental"},{"startTime":242.466,"endTime":246.958,"body":"space to see. Is this something"},{"startTime":242.466,"endTime":246.958,"body":"you'll want? So that's available"},{"startTime":247.029,"endTime":251.241,"body":"for you. The workshops also are"},{"startTime":247.029,"endTime":251.241,"body":"offered at sliding scale. So"},{"startTime":251.311,"endTime":255.102,"body":"there's a base price and then"},{"startTime":251.311,"endTime":255.102,"body":"you can add on I do have"},{"startTime":255.172,"endTime":259.524,"body":"suggested amounts, but that is"},{"startTime":255.172,"endTime":259.524,"body":"how I'm making these accessible"},{"startTime":259.594,"endTime":263.666,"body":"for all the people who are"},{"startTime":259.594,"endTime":263.666,"body":"looking. So if you're listening"},{"startTime":263.736,"endTime":267.878,"body":"to this while later and you're"},{"startTime":263.736,"endTime":267.878,"body":"like well, I don't see it on"},{"startTime":267.948,"endTime":272.019,"body":"your website, reach out. I'm"},{"startTime":267.948,"endTime":272.019,"body":"always happy to hear from you"},{"startTime":272.09,"endTime":276.021,"body":"and to take your input of like"},{"startTime":272.09,"endTime":276.021,"body":"we want this back. I will"},{"startTime":276.091,"endTime":280.443,"body":"absolutely see what I can do to"},{"startTime":276.091,"endTime":280.443,"body":"make that happen. I am also of"},{"startTime":280.513,"endTime":284.866,"body":"course still offering one to one"},{"startTime":280.513,"endTime":284.866,"body":"support. So if you're looking"},{"startTime":284.936,"endTime":289.078,"body":"for a private coach, please"},{"startTime":284.936,"endTime":289.078,"body":"reach out I'm happy to chat and"},{"startTime":289.148,"endTime":292.798,"body":"see if that is a good"},{"startTime":289.148,"endTime":292.798,"body":"relationship to support you in"},{"startTime":292.868,"endTime":297.151,"body":"where you want to go and what"},{"startTime":292.868,"endTime":297.151,"body":"you want to do. And now without"},{"startTime":297.221,"endTime":300.941,"body":"further ado, let's get started."},{"startTime":297.221,"endTime":300.941,"body":"Hey there I'm Valerie"},{"startTime":301.011,"endTime":304.943,"body":"Friedlander, Certified Life"},{"startTime":301.011,"endTime":304.943,"body":"business alignment coach and"},{"startTime":305.013,"endTime":309.365,"body":"this is unlimited this podcast"},{"startTime":305.013,"endTime":309.365,"body":"Just bridges the individual and"},{"startTime":309.435,"endTime":313.086,"body":"the societal, scientific and"},{"startTime":309.435,"endTime":313.086,"body":"spiritual, positive and"},{"startTime":313.156,"endTime":317.368,"body":"negative, nerdy and no, there's"},{"startTime":313.156,"endTime":317.368,"body":"just a lot of nerdy. Come on"},{"startTime":317.438,"endTime":321.51,"body":"board and let's unlock a life"},{"startTime":317.438,"endTime":321.51,"body":"that's as badass as you are."},{"startTime":321.51,"endTime":325.463,"body":"So relationships, let's talk"},{"startTime":321.51,"endTime":325.463,"body":"about it. I went ahead and"},{"startTime":325.535,"endTime":329.776,"body":"looked up the word relationship"},{"startTime":325.535,"endTime":329.776,"body":"and was just thinking about"},{"startTime":329.848,"endTime":334.161,"body":"like, what is this word because"},{"startTime":329.848,"endTime":334.161,"body":"oftentimes, when you look up"},{"startTime":334.233,"endTime":338.689,"body":"relationships, you're thinking"},{"startTime":334.233,"endTime":338.689,"body":"romantic relationships, or even"},{"startTime":338.761,"endTime":343.218,"body":"person to person relationships"},{"startTime":338.761,"endTime":343.218,"body":"at the very least. Well, when I"},{"startTime":343.29,"endTime":347.674,"body":"talk about relationships, I'm"},{"startTime":343.29,"endTime":347.674,"body":"talking about all the ways that"},{"startTime":347.746,"endTime":352.203,"body":"we relate or we are in relation"},{"startTime":347.746,"endTime":352.203,"body":"to the things in our life, the"},{"startTime":352.275,"endTime":356.66,"body":"people in our life, the places"},{"startTime":352.275,"endTime":356.66,"body":"in our life, all that. So what"},{"startTime":356.732,"endTime":361.045,"body":"does Merriam Webster online have"},{"startTime":356.732,"endTime":361.045,"body":"to say about relationships?"},{"startTime":361.116,"endTime":365.717,"body":"Well, relationship is listed as"},{"startTime":361.116,"endTime":365.717,"body":"a noun, it is the state of being"},{"startTime":365.789,"endTime":369.814,"body":"related or interrelated, which"},{"startTime":365.789,"endTime":369.814,"body":"is essentially like being"},{"startTime":369.886,"endTime":374.343,"body":"connected. The first known use"},{"startTime":369.886,"endTime":374.343,"body":"of the word relationship was in"},{"startTime":374.415,"endTime":378.368,"body":"1741. And it was through that"},{"startTime":374.415,"endTime":378.368,"body":"definition. The other two"},{"startTime":378.44,"endTime":382.537,"body":"definitions listed are the"},{"startTime":378.44,"endTime":382.537,"body":"relation connecting or binding"},{"startTime":382.609,"endTime":387.138,"body":"participants in a relationship,"},{"startTime":382.609,"endTime":387.138,"body":"and a state of affairs existing"},{"startTime":387.209,"endTime":391.379,"body":"between those having relations"},{"startTime":387.209,"endTime":391.379,"body":"or dealings. So it's really"},{"startTime":391.451,"endTime":395.332,"body":"about connection. And while we"},{"startTime":391.451,"endTime":395.332,"body":"think about connection,"},{"startTime":395.404,"endTime":399.933,"body":"oftentimes in terms of people,"},{"startTime":395.404,"endTime":399.933,"body":"what we connect to is everything"},{"startTime":400.004,"endTime":404.677,"body":"we are in relation to all things"},{"startTime":400.004,"endTime":404.677,"body":"I'm in relation to you, I'm also"},{"startTime":404.749,"endTime":409.205,"body":"in relation to the work that I'm"},{"startTime":404.749,"endTime":409.205,"body":"doing. I'm in relation to the"},{"startTime":409.277,"endTime":413.806,"body":"chair I'm sitting on, there's a"},{"startTime":409.277,"endTime":413.806,"body":"relationship between us and all"},{"startTime":413.878,"endTime":418.406,"body":"the things and most of the time,"},{"startTime":413.878,"endTime":418.406,"body":"we're not thinking about those"},{"startTime":418.478,"endTime":423.007,"body":"relationships, most of the time,"},{"startTime":418.478,"endTime":423.007,"body":"we are just doing them, we are"},{"startTime":423.079,"endTime":427.391,"body":"not thinking about them, we're"},{"startTime":423.079,"endTime":427.391,"body":"not reflecting on them, we're"},{"startTime":427.463,"endTime":431.776,"body":"not consciously engaging them."},{"startTime":427.463,"endTime":431.776,"body":"And there's a good reason for"},{"startTime":431.848,"endTime":435.658,"body":"that we only have so much"},{"startTime":431.848,"endTime":435.658,"body":"energy. And the part of our"},{"startTime":435.73,"endTime":439.683,"body":"brain that really is thinking"},{"startTime":435.73,"endTime":439.683,"body":"that we're thinking we're"},{"startTime":439.755,"endTime":443.996,"body":"thinking is only 5%. And that"},{"startTime":439.755,"endTime":443.996,"body":"decider that reflector, as it"},{"startTime":444.068,"endTime":448.525,"body":"were, takes up the most amount"},{"startTime":444.068,"endTime":448.525,"body":"of energy. So most of our brain"},{"startTime":448.597,"endTime":452.838,"body":"is going to go, we need to send"},{"startTime":448.597,"endTime":452.838,"body":"that to the autopilot part,"},{"startTime":452.909,"endTime":457.007,"body":"because that part uses less"},{"startTime":452.909,"endTime":457.007,"body":"energy. So we tend to just do"},{"startTime":457.079,"endTime":461.248,"body":"what we do. This is where the"},{"startTime":457.079,"endTime":461.248,"body":"patterns come in. And I talk"},{"startTime":461.32,"endTime":465.776,"body":"about this frequently, you will"},{"startTime":461.32,"endTime":465.776,"body":"continue to hear me talk about"},{"startTime":465.848,"endTime":469.874,"body":"this frequently, we have"},{"startTime":465.848,"endTime":469.874,"body":"patterns. Because it simplifies"},{"startTime":469.945,"endTime":474.258,"body":"our interactions, it simplifies"},{"startTime":469.945,"endTime":474.258,"body":"what we do, we don't have to"},{"startTime":474.33,"endTime":478.643,"body":"expend as much energy. So our"},{"startTime":474.33,"endTime":478.643,"body":"brain is constantly connecting"},{"startTime":478.715,"endTime":482.956,"body":"dots for us to facilitate our"},{"startTime":478.715,"endTime":482.956,"body":"relationships as it were. But"},{"startTime":483.028,"endTime":486.838,"body":"sometimes, a lot of times those"},{"startTime":483.028,"endTime":486.838,"body":"relationships are the"},{"startTime":486.91,"endTime":490.719,"body":"facilitation of those"},{"startTime":486.91,"endTime":490.719,"body":"relationships isn't necessarily"},{"startTime":490.791,"endTime":494.529,"body":"what we want it to be. And"},{"startTime":490.791,"endTime":494.529,"body":"that's because most of us"},{"startTime":494.601,"endTime":499.058,"body":"haven't learned healthy ways of"},{"startTime":494.601,"endTime":499.058,"body":"relating of being in the world"},{"startTime":499.129,"endTime":503.802,"body":"of relating to other things, but"},{"startTime":499.129,"endTime":503.802,"body":"also relating to our self, which"},{"startTime":503.874,"endTime":507.971,"body":"is the foundation of how we"},{"startTime":503.874,"endTime":507.971,"body":"relate to everything else. So"},{"startTime":508.043,"endTime":512.715,"body":"that is one of the reasons why I"},{"startTime":508.043,"endTime":512.715,"body":"wanted to focus on relationships"},{"startTime":512.787,"endTime":517.028,"body":"for this season is because"},{"startTime":512.787,"endTime":517.028,"body":"there's so much heaviness in the"},{"startTime":517.1,"endTime":521.557,"body":"world right now. And a lot of"},{"startTime":517.1,"endTime":521.557,"body":"it, if not all of it ties to how"},{"startTime":521.628,"endTime":526.301,"body":"we know to relate to each other."},{"startTime":521.628,"endTime":526.301,"body":"Whether we feel in conflict with"},{"startTime":526.373,"endTime":530.973,"body":"another, whether we know how to"},{"startTime":526.373,"endTime":530.973,"body":"bridge that conflict or use that"},{"startTime":531.045,"endTime":535.286,"body":"conflict as growth versus as if"},{"startTime":531.045,"endTime":535.286,"body":"I'm not right, then I'm not"},{"startTime":535.358,"endTime":539.958,"body":"okay. And therefore you have to"},{"startTime":535.358,"endTime":539.958,"body":"be not right or wrong. For me to"},{"startTime":540.03,"endTime":544.056,"body":"be okay, we're we're pitted"},{"startTime":540.03,"endTime":544.056,"body":"against each other, and it's"},{"startTime":544.128,"endTime":547.937,"body":"causing so much pain in the"},{"startTime":544.128,"endTime":547.937,"body":"world. It can be a little"},{"startTime":548.009,"endTime":552.322,"body":"overwhelming. While I'm not"},{"startTime":548.009,"endTime":552.322,"body":"equipped to deal with that, in a"},{"startTime":552.394,"endTime":556.851,"body":"podcast, I want to do my part to"},{"startTime":552.394,"endTime":556.851,"body":"try and help us do better for"},{"startTime":556.922,"endTime":561.092,"body":"each other for the world, to"},{"startTime":556.922,"endTime":561.092,"body":"grow to be able to change the"},{"startTime":561.163,"endTime":565.189,"body":"way we know how to relate so"},{"startTime":561.163,"endTime":565.189,"body":"that we can be in healthier"},{"startTime":565.261,"endTime":569.861,"body":"relationships with life and all"},{"startTime":565.261,"endTime":569.861,"body":"the pieces that entails. So what"},{"startTime":569.933,"endTime":574.534,"body":"is a healthy relationship? Let's"},{"startTime":569.933,"endTime":574.534,"body":"talk about it. So I was curious"},{"startTime":574.605,"endTime":579.134,"body":"to see what people are already"},{"startTime":574.605,"endTime":579.134,"body":"talking about. And I pulled up a"},{"startTime":579.206,"endTime":583.591,"body":"couple articles one unhealthy"},{"startTime":579.206,"endTime":583.591,"body":"line and one from the Cleveland"},{"startTime":583.663,"endTime":587.688,"body":"Clinic that talks about"},{"startTime":583.663,"endTime":587.688,"body":"relationships. And of course, as"},{"startTime":587.76,"endTime":592.073,"body":"I mentioned before, when you"},{"startTime":587.76,"endTime":592.073,"body":"look up relationships, a lot of"},{"startTime":592.145,"endTime":596.242,"body":"times they're talking about"},{"startTime":592.145,"endTime":596.242,"body":"romantic relationships. or at"},{"startTime":596.314,"endTime":600.483,"body":"least like intimate close"},{"startTime":596.314,"endTime":600.483,"body":"relationships. So, in looking at"},{"startTime":600.555,"endTime":604.94,"body":"what they have listed, I was"},{"startTime":600.555,"endTime":604.94,"body":"like, Well, alright, let's let's"},{"startTime":605.011,"endTime":609.54,"body":"pull these together, because I"},{"startTime":605.011,"endTime":609.54,"body":"think all of these can apply, in"},{"startTime":609.612,"endTime":614.14,"body":"some ways, at least the roots of"},{"startTime":609.612,"endTime":614.14,"body":"them to all the relationships."},{"startTime":614.212,"endTime":618.453,"body":"So a healthy relationship is"},{"startTime":614.212,"endTime":618.453,"body":"built on trust, which is built"},{"startTime":618.525,"endTime":622.91,"body":"on honesty and integrity. So"},{"startTime":618.525,"endTime":622.91,"body":"honesty is saying what I believe"},{"startTime":622.982,"endTime":627.654,"body":"what is what is true for me, the"},{"startTime":622.982,"endTime":627.654,"body":"what I understand. And integrity"},{"startTime":627.726,"endTime":631.895,"body":"is doing what I say I will do."},{"startTime":627.726,"endTime":631.895,"body":"So if I say I'm going to do"},{"startTime":631.967,"endTime":635.777,"body":"something, then I follow"},{"startTime":631.967,"endTime":635.777,"body":"through, because that builds"},{"startTime":635.849,"endTime":639.73,"body":"trust. And then there's"},{"startTime":635.849,"endTime":639.73,"body":"accountability. Accountability"},{"startTime":639.802,"endTime":643.828,"body":"is how we stay true to those"},{"startTime":639.802,"endTime":643.828,"body":"things. So if somebody says"},{"startTime":643.899,"endTime":648.212,"body":"something, and then they don't"},{"startTime":643.899,"endTime":648.212,"body":"follow through accountability"},{"startTime":648.284,"endTime":652.166,"body":"addresses that, so that trust"},{"startTime":648.284,"endTime":652.166,"body":"can be rebuilt, if it is"},{"startTime":652.238,"endTime":656.119,"body":"breached, that's what"},{"startTime":652.238,"endTime":656.119,"body":"accountability is there for. And"},{"startTime":656.191,"endTime":660.72,"body":"this isn't like punishment, this"},{"startTime":656.191,"endTime":660.72,"body":"is natural consequences. Well,"},{"startTime":660.792,"endTime":665.248,"body":"if this is going to be how this"},{"startTime":660.792,"endTime":665.248,"body":"is going to be, this is what I"},{"startTime":665.32,"endTime":669.777,"body":"need to do to be okay. That is"},{"startTime":665.32,"endTime":669.777,"body":"rooted in me knowing myself, in"},{"startTime":669.849,"endTime":673.946,"body":"me being able to be true to"},{"startTime":669.849,"endTime":673.946,"body":"that. So that stems from that"},{"startTime":674.018,"endTime":678.187,"body":"self knowledge, that self"},{"startTime":674.018,"endTime":678.187,"body":"awareness so that I can have one"},{"startTime":678.259,"endTime":682.5,"body":"of the other things which is"},{"startTime":678.259,"endTime":682.5,"body":"interdependence, where my self"},{"startTime":682.572,"endTime":686.957,"body":"esteem, my self worth, my self"},{"startTime":682.572,"endTime":686.957,"body":"knowledge isn't dependent upon"},{"startTime":687.029,"endTime":691.485,"body":"somebody else, or something else"},{"startTime":687.029,"endTime":691.485,"body":"to be a particular way that I"},{"startTime":691.557,"endTime":695.439,"body":"know myself. And I'm learning"},{"startTime":691.557,"endTime":695.439,"body":"myself, I have that self"},{"startTime":695.511,"endTime":699.248,"body":"connection. So that self"},{"startTime":695.511,"endTime":699.248,"body":"relationship, which is that"},{"startTime":699.32,"endTime":703.274,"body":"foundation of all other"},{"startTime":699.32,"endTime":703.274,"body":"relationships. So how we breach"},{"startTime":703.346,"endTime":707.731,"body":"that is through breaching trust"},{"startTime":703.346,"endTime":707.731,"body":"with ourselves, when we don't"},{"startTime":707.802,"endTime":712.115,"body":"listen to ourselves, when we"},{"startTime":707.802,"endTime":712.115,"body":"don't engage and do what we say"},{"startTime":712.187,"endTime":715.997,"body":"we will do when we're"},{"startTime":712.187,"endTime":715.997,"body":"unreasonable with ourselves. So"},{"startTime":716.069,"endTime":720.238,"body":"that ties to some of the other"},{"startTime":716.069,"endTime":720.238,"body":"things that are listed like"},{"startTime":720.31,"endTime":724.767,"body":"communication, communication,"},{"startTime":720.31,"endTime":724.767,"body":"being that I have a conversation"},{"startTime":724.838,"endTime":729.295,"body":"that I'm willing to communicate"},{"startTime":724.838,"endTime":729.295,"body":"with, whatever I'm in relation"},{"startTime":729.367,"endTime":733.033,"body":"with, so actively listening,"},{"startTime":729.367,"endTime":733.033,"body":"that is listening with"},{"startTime":733.105,"endTime":737.346,"body":"curiosity, rather than judgment,"},{"startTime":733.105,"endTime":737.346,"body":"that looks like seeking to"},{"startTime":737.418,"endTime":741.803,"body":"understand versus to be right."},{"startTime":737.418,"endTime":741.803,"body":"So much of our conditioning is"},{"startTime":741.874,"endTime":746.403,"body":"around for me to be okay, I have"},{"startTime":741.874,"endTime":746.403,"body":"to be right. If I'm not right,"},{"startTime":746.475,"endTime":750.788,"body":"then I'm not okay. So you have"},{"startTime":746.475,"endTime":750.788,"body":"to be wrong, so that I can be"},{"startTime":750.86,"endTime":755.244,"body":"right so that we can be okay."},{"startTime":750.86,"endTime":755.244,"body":"And this is where that conflict"},{"startTime":755.316,"endTime":758.982,"body":"comes in, where we're not"},{"startTime":755.316,"endTime":758.982,"body":"actually building towards"},{"startTime":759.054,"endTime":763.295,"body":"solutions. We don't show up our"},{"startTime":759.054,"endTime":763.295,"body":"survival mode kicks in when"},{"startTime":763.367,"endTime":767.536,"body":"there's conflict, instead of our"},{"startTime":763.367,"endTime":767.536,"body":"curiosity, instead of our"},{"startTime":767.608,"endTime":772.209,"body":"executive brain where we can go,"},{"startTime":767.608,"endTime":772.209,"body":"oh, what's going on here? Where"},{"startTime":772.28,"endTime":776.737,"body":"where's the disconnect in this"},{"startTime":772.28,"endTime":776.737,"body":"relationship? What does it look"},{"startTime":776.809,"endTime":781.194,"body":"like to bridge that? What do I"},{"startTime":776.809,"endTime":781.194,"body":"need? What do you need? How do"},{"startTime":781.266,"endTime":785.938,"body":"we work together and collaborate"},{"startTime":781.266,"endTime":785.938,"body":"to grow. So that means that one,"},{"startTime":786.01,"endTime":790.179,"body":"there has to be a commitment to"},{"startTime":786.01,"endTime":790.179,"body":"the relationship that I am"},{"startTime":790.251,"endTime":794.564,"body":"committed to actually showing up"},{"startTime":790.251,"endTime":794.564,"body":"to doing what is difficult,"},{"startTime":794.636,"endTime":799.236,"body":"because it does take additional"},{"startTime":794.636,"endTime":799.236,"body":"energy to show up and listen and"},{"startTime":799.308,"endTime":803.693,"body":"be curious. Ultimately, long"},{"startTime":799.308,"endTime":803.693,"body":"run, it takes less energy, if we"},{"startTime":803.765,"endTime":808.365,"body":"can do that. But because so many"},{"startTime":803.765,"endTime":808.365,"body":"of us have that conditioning to"},{"startTime":808.437,"endTime":812.462,"body":"go in survival mode, we have to"},{"startTime":808.437,"endTime":812.462,"body":"use extra energy to pull"},{"startTime":812.534,"endTime":816.991,"body":"ourselves out of survival mode"},{"startTime":812.534,"endTime":816.991,"body":"to care for ourselves to figure"},{"startTime":817.063,"endTime":821.232,"body":"out what we need to care for"},{"startTime":817.063,"endTime":821.232,"body":"ourselves so that we can step"},{"startTime":821.304,"endTime":825.832,"body":"out of survival mode, so that we"},{"startTime":821.304,"endTime":825.832,"body":"can metabolize our emotions so"},{"startTime":825.904,"endTime":829.786,"body":"that we can step into our"},{"startTime":825.904,"endTime":829.786,"body":"executive brain and actually"},{"startTime":829.858,"endTime":833.883,"body":"have a conversation around"},{"startTime":829.858,"endTime":833.883,"body":"finding solutions so that I'm"},{"startTime":833.955,"endTime":838.196,"body":"not in fight flight, freeze or"},{"startTime":833.955,"endTime":838.196,"body":"fun. And we can't build from"},{"startTime":838.268,"endTime":842.221,"body":"there because that that"},{"startTime":838.268,"endTime":842.221,"body":"relationship with myself, where"},{"startTime":842.293,"endTime":846.678,"body":"I'm either I'm locked up, I'm"},{"startTime":842.293,"endTime":846.678,"body":"pulling in, or I'm fighting, or"},{"startTime":846.75,"endTime":850.991,"body":"I'm focused on you to make you"},{"startTime":846.75,"endTime":850.991,"body":"Okay, so that I can be okay."},{"startTime":851.063,"endTime":855.16,"body":"Like all of those things."},{"startTime":851.063,"endTime":855.16,"body":"There's a disconnect with my, I"},{"startTime":855.232,"endTime":859.329,"body":"guess, what do people call it"},{"startTime":855.232,"endTime":859.329,"body":"like your Higher Self, your"},{"startTime":859.401,"endTime":864.073,"body":"inner truth, your inner light, I"},{"startTime":859.401,"endTime":864.073,"body":"have trouble with a higher lower"},{"startTime":864.145,"endTime":868.315,"body":"self, just because I think"},{"startTime":864.145,"endTime":868.315,"body":"there's a lot of judgment there"},{"startTime":868.386,"endTime":872.987,"body":"too. There are very good reasons"},{"startTime":868.386,"endTime":872.987,"body":"why we have a survival mode and"},{"startTime":873.059,"endTime":877.084,"body":"why that gets activated,"},{"startTime":873.059,"endTime":877.084,"body":"unfortunately, because we never"},{"startTime":877.156,"endTime":881.038,"body":"learned to cultivate that"},{"startTime":877.156,"endTime":881.038,"body":"executive functioning and we"},{"startTime":881.109,"endTime":885.566,"body":"learn to operate and to get what"},{"startTime":881.109,"endTime":885.566,"body":"we need in that survival mode"},{"startTime":885.638,"endTime":889.879,"body":"space or through the emotional"},{"startTime":885.638,"endTime":889.879,"body":"manipulation. That's what we"},{"startTime":889.951,"endTime":894.336,"body":"know to do. So that's what our"},{"startTime":889.951,"endTime":894.336,"body":"autopilot brain does. So a lot"},{"startTime":894.408,"endTime":898.577,"body":"of this is learning how to"},{"startTime":894.408,"endTime":898.577,"body":"access those other parts of our"},{"startTime":898.649,"endTime":903.105,"body":"brain, those more evolved parts"},{"startTime":898.649,"endTime":903.105,"body":"of our brain really, to engage"},{"startTime":903.177,"endTime":907.131,"body":"to communicate Hate to be"},{"startTime":903.177,"endTime":907.131,"body":"curious to seek to understand"},{"startTime":907.203,"endTime":911.372,"body":"versus to be right to seek"},{"startTime":907.203,"endTime":911.372,"body":"solutions. So oh, there's a gap"},{"startTime":911.444,"endTime":915.541,"body":"here, we are not on the same"},{"startTime":911.444,"endTime":915.541,"body":"sides of this rift, we're on"},{"startTime":915.613,"endTime":920.069,"body":"other sides. What does it take"},{"startTime":915.613,"endTime":920.069,"body":"to build a bridge? Some of this"},{"startTime":920.141,"endTime":924.526,"body":"is kindness, caring, caring that"},{"startTime":920.141,"endTime":924.526,"body":"somebody else cares. Even if"},{"startTime":924.598,"endTime":928.48,"body":"it's not something that's"},{"startTime":924.598,"endTime":928.48,"body":"important to me, knowing and"},{"startTime":928.551,"endTime":932.793,"body":"being able to hear and receive"},{"startTime":928.551,"endTime":932.793,"body":"that it's important to them,"},{"startTime":932.864,"endTime":937.034,"body":"being able to forgive when"},{"startTime":932.864,"endTime":937.034,"body":"something is breached, if there"},{"startTime":937.105,"endTime":941.418,"body":"is actual, like, we're going to"},{"startTime":937.105,"endTime":941.418,"body":"do something different. It's"},{"startTime":941.49,"endTime":945.803,"body":"taking space, it's taking space"},{"startTime":941.49,"endTime":945.803,"body":"for that transition, because"},{"startTime":945.875,"endTime":950.332,"body":"knowing what our programming is"},{"startTime":945.875,"endTime":950.332,"body":"to go into survival mode until"},{"startTime":950.404,"endTime":954.788,"body":"we cultivate a better access to"},{"startTime":950.404,"endTime":954.788,"body":"the executive functioning, or"},{"startTime":954.86,"endTime":959.389,"body":"until we learn to give ourselves"},{"startTime":954.86,"endTime":959.389,"body":"the space that we need to care"},{"startTime":959.461,"endTime":964.061,"body":"for ourselves so that we aren't"},{"startTime":959.461,"endTime":964.061,"body":"depleted and thus have access to"},{"startTime":964.133,"endTime":968.374,"body":"that executive functioning."},{"startTime":964.133,"endTime":968.374,"body":"Because if we're depleted, it's"},{"startTime":968.446,"endTime":972.615,"body":"much harder to access, we are"},{"startTime":968.446,"endTime":972.615,"body":"naturally much more prone to"},{"startTime":972.687,"endTime":976.928,"body":"being in survival mode, to be"},{"startTime":972.687,"endTime":976.928,"body":"able to push through so being"},{"startTime":977.0,"endTime":981.456,"body":"able to give ourselves space."},{"startTime":977.0,"endTime":981.456,"body":"And then being able to have that"},{"startTime":981.528,"endTime":985.841,"body":"self knowledge, that self trust,"},{"startTime":981.528,"endTime":985.841,"body":"to step into an attitude of"},{"startTime":985.913,"endTime":989.939,"body":"learning. What we often these"},{"startTime":985.913,"endTime":989.939,"body":"days referred to as growth"},{"startTime":990.01,"endTime":994.611,"body":"mindset, which is, okay, how do"},{"startTime":990.01,"endTime":994.611,"body":"we learn? How do we grow? How do"},{"startTime":994.683,"endTime":999.068,"body":"we bridge the gap? What do we"},{"startTime":994.683,"endTime":999.068,"body":"need to build between these two"},{"startTime":999.139,"endTime":1003.093,"body":"ways of seeing things between"},{"startTime":999.139,"endTime":1003.093,"body":"these two aspects between"},{"startTime":1003.165,"endTime":1007.621,"body":"whatever it is that there's a"},{"startTime":1003.165,"endTime":1007.621,"body":"rift, and or to heal, if there's"},{"startTime":1007.693,"endTime":1012.006,"body":"a breach and trust, and that's"},{"startTime":1007.693,"endTime":1012.006,"body":"where accountability comes in"},{"startTime":1012.078,"endTime":1016.607,"body":"accountability helps build the"},{"startTime":1012.078,"endTime":1016.607,"body":"bridge of like, okay, I see what"},{"startTime":1016.679,"endTime":1020.92,"body":"I did, I see the mistake that I"},{"startTime":1016.679,"endTime":1020.92,"body":"made, the thing that didn't"},{"startTime":1020.992,"endTime":1025.376,"body":"work, the thing that created"},{"startTime":1020.992,"endTime":1025.376,"body":"harm, the thing that created the"},{"startTime":1025.448,"endTime":1029.33,"body":"Rift, and I'm willing to do"},{"startTime":1025.448,"endTime":1029.33,"body":"this, to overcome that, to"},{"startTime":1029.402,"endTime":1033.211,"body":"bridge that to heal that"},{"startTime":1029.402,"endTime":1033.211,"body":"whatever that looks like. So"},{"startTime":1033.283,"endTime":1036.662,"body":"willingness to step into"},{"startTime":1033.283,"endTime":1036.662,"body":"progress. So those are"},{"startTime":1036.734,"endTime":1040.975,"body":"foundational pieces of healthy"},{"startTime":1036.734,"endTime":1040.975,"body":"relationships. Being able to"},{"startTime":1041.047,"endTime":1045.503,"body":"communicate, really listening,"},{"startTime":1041.047,"endTime":1045.503,"body":"seeking to understand versus to"},{"startTime":1045.575,"endTime":1049.672,"body":"be right is a big one, and"},{"startTime":1045.575,"endTime":1049.672,"body":"building trust, building trust"},{"startTime":1049.744,"endTime":1054.201,"body":"with ourselves, building trust"},{"startTime":1049.744,"endTime":1054.201,"body":"with others, through integrity,"},{"startTime":1054.273,"endTime":1058.298,"body":"and accountability. And to do"},{"startTime":1054.273,"endTime":1058.298,"body":"that, we have to have that"},{"startTime":1058.37,"endTime":1062.539,"body":"attitude of learning, and the"},{"startTime":1058.37,"endTime":1062.539,"body":"kindness for ourselves as we"},{"startTime":1062.611,"endTime":1066.996,"body":"unlearn automatic ways of doing"},{"startTime":1062.611,"endTime":1066.996,"body":"things that aren't serving us"},{"startTime":1067.068,"endTime":1071.453,"body":"anymore. And the space to really"},{"startTime":1067.068,"endTime":1071.453,"body":"learn about ourselves and to"},{"startTime":1071.524,"endTime":1075.765,"body":"connect to ourselves to build"},{"startTime":1071.524,"endTime":1075.765,"body":"that self relationship. And I"},{"startTime":1075.837,"endTime":1080.438,"body":"believe that each piece of this"},{"startTime":1075.837,"endTime":1080.438,"body":"while it is absolutely true that"},{"startTime":1080.51,"endTime":1083.888,"body":"it's needed in"},{"startTime":1080.51,"endTime":1083.888,"body":"interrelationships between human"},{"startTime":1083.96,"endTime":1088.417,"body":"to human or love relationships,"},{"startTime":1083.96,"endTime":1088.417,"body":"or whatever. This is also true"},{"startTime":1088.489,"endTime":1092.945,"body":"when it comes to building your"},{"startTime":1088.489,"endTime":1092.945,"body":"relationship with yourself. And"},{"startTime":1093.017,"endTime":1097.042,"body":"just about anything in your"},{"startTime":1093.017,"endTime":1097.042,"body":"life, how you show up to any"},{"startTime":1097.114,"endTime":1101.427,"body":"relationship, anything you are"},{"startTime":1097.114,"endTime":1101.427,"body":"in relation to, even if it is"},{"startTime":1101.499,"endTime":1105.956,"body":"your life, as a whole. So let's"},{"startTime":1101.499,"endTime":1105.956,"body":"talk about some red flags, red"},{"startTime":1106.028,"endTime":1110.484,"body":"flags and relationships. Now, of"},{"startTime":1106.028,"endTime":1110.484,"body":"course, these were originally"},{"startTime":1110.556,"endTime":1114.725,"body":"written, I think it was the"},{"startTime":1110.556,"endTime":1114.725,"body":"Cleveland Clinic article, I'll"},{"startTime":1114.797,"endTime":1119.038,"body":"have both articles linked, so"},{"startTime":1114.797,"endTime":1119.038,"body":"you can look at them if you'd"},{"startTime":1119.11,"endTime":1123.567,"body":"like. But they were focused on"},{"startTime":1119.11,"endTime":1123.567,"body":"romantic relationships. This is"},{"startTime":1123.639,"endTime":1127.664,"body":"about just relationships as a"},{"startTime":1123.639,"endTime":1127.664,"body":"whole, I think is true red"},{"startTime":1127.736,"endTime":1131.905,"body":"flags, controlling someone"},{"startTime":1127.736,"endTime":1131.905,"body":"trying to control someone else."},{"startTime":1131.977,"endTime":1136.649,"body":"But I would go so far as to also"},{"startTime":1131.977,"endTime":1136.649,"body":"say, this is control as a whole."},{"startTime":1136.721,"endTime":1140.962,"body":"So much of what we've learned"},{"startTime":1136.721,"endTime":1140.962,"body":"about controlling is harmful."},{"startTime":1141.034,"endTime":1144.844,"body":"It's either controlling"},{"startTime":1141.034,"endTime":1144.844,"body":"ourselves versus listening to"},{"startTime":1144.916,"endTime":1148.941,"body":"ourselves versus nurturing"},{"startTime":1144.916,"endTime":1148.941,"body":"ourselves. We try and control"},{"startTime":1149.013,"endTime":1153.398,"body":"ourselves that can breach trust"},{"startTime":1149.013,"endTime":1153.398,"body":"with ourselves, where we stop"},{"startTime":1153.47,"endTime":1157.854,"body":"hearing our intuition. And that"},{"startTime":1153.47,"endTime":1157.854,"body":"can have happened a long time"},{"startTime":1157.926,"endTime":1162.167,"body":"ago. So it takes rebuilding it I"},{"startTime":1157.926,"endTime":1162.167,"body":"have a whole episode about"},{"startTime":1162.239,"endTime":1166.48,"body":"control may not be the answer,"},{"startTime":1162.239,"endTime":1166.48,"body":"and how we need to cultivate"},{"startTime":1166.552,"endTime":1170.865,"body":"care. So controlling notice"},{"startTime":1166.552,"endTime":1170.865,"body":"where that shows up where you're"},{"startTime":1170.937,"endTime":1174.747,"body":"feeling controlling in any"},{"startTime":1170.937,"endTime":1174.747,"body":"relationship. Disregard is"},{"startTime":1174.819,"endTime":1179.06,"body":"another one not being heard"},{"startTime":1174.819,"endTime":1179.06,"body":"having boundaries crossed where"},{"startTime":1179.132,"endTime":1183.804,"body":"conflict feels unsafe, and it is"},{"startTime":1179.132,"endTime":1183.804,"body":"important to differentiate where"},{"startTime":1183.876,"endTime":1188.26,"body":"conflict feels unsafe because as"},{"startTime":1183.876,"endTime":1188.26,"body":"I mentioned, most of us have"},{"startTime":1188.332,"endTime":1192.645,"body":"learned that conflict is unsafe,"},{"startTime":1188.332,"endTime":1192.645,"body":"that conflict is dangerous."},{"startTime":1192.717,"endTime":1197.246,"body":"There's a lot of stuff in there"},{"startTime":1192.717,"endTime":1197.246,"body":"that we pick up from society of"},{"startTime":1197.318,"endTime":1201.127,"body":"like, conflict is bad. So"},{"startTime":1197.318,"endTime":1201.127,"body":"learning how to create safe"},{"startTime":1201.199,"endTime":1205.584,"body":"conflict, how to do restorative"},{"startTime":1201.199,"endTime":1205.584,"body":"conflict, that is key. But if"},{"startTime":1205.656,"endTime":1210.184,"body":"there's no effort being put into"},{"startTime":1205.656,"endTime":1210.184,"body":"that, if there's disregard for"},{"startTime":1210.256,"endTime":1214.641,"body":"what someone else is saying they"},{"startTime":1210.256,"endTime":1214.641,"body":"need, including yourself. If"},{"startTime":1214.713,"endTime":1218.954,"body":"your body is talking to you, and"},{"startTime":1214.713,"endTime":1218.954,"body":"you're ignoring it, you're"},{"startTime":1219.026,"endTime":1223.339,"body":"trying to control it instead,"},{"startTime":1219.026,"endTime":1223.339,"body":"whether somebody is doing this"},{"startTime":1223.411,"endTime":1227.508,"body":"to you, you're doing this to"},{"startTime":1223.411,"endTime":1227.508,"body":"somebody else, are you doing"},{"startTime":1227.58,"endTime":1232.037,"body":"this to yourself, that's a red"},{"startTime":1227.58,"endTime":1232.037,"body":"flag, ignoring where you're not"},{"startTime":1232.108,"endTime":1235.774,"body":"spending time in that"},{"startTime":1232.108,"endTime":1235.774,"body":"relationship. Or you say yes,"},{"startTime":1235.846,"endTime":1240.303,"body":"but there's no action right out"},{"startTime":1235.846,"endTime":1240.303,"body":"of integrity. So those are red"},{"startTime":1240.375,"endTime":1244.76,"body":"flags. And I see this a lot when"},{"startTime":1240.375,"endTime":1244.76,"body":"people talk about wanting to"},{"startTime":1244.831,"endTime":1248.929,"body":"work on their health, or fitness"},{"startTime":1244.831,"endTime":1248.929,"body":"or whatever, the lack of"},{"startTime":1249.001,"endTime":1253.385,"body":"relationship to their physical"},{"startTime":1249.001,"endTime":1253.385,"body":"self. And this is one of those"},{"startTime":1253.457,"endTime":1258.13,"body":"red flags, I don't want to spend"},{"startTime":1253.457,"endTime":1258.13,"body":"time with myself, I should spend"},{"startTime":1258.202,"endTime":1261.652,"body":"time with myself, I'm"},{"startTime":1258.202,"endTime":1261.652,"body":"controlling myself in this"},{"startTime":1261.724,"endTime":1266.18,"body":"versus I'm caring for myself,"},{"startTime":1261.724,"endTime":1266.18,"body":"I'm not actually listening to my"},{"startTime":1266.252,"endTime":1270.421,"body":"body, listening to what my needs"},{"startTime":1266.252,"endTime":1270.421,"body":"are caring for that self."},{"startTime":1270.493,"endTime":1274.806,"body":"Hearing that self being curious"},{"startTime":1270.493,"endTime":1274.806,"body":"about that self finding that"},{"startTime":1274.878,"endTime":1279.119,"body":"bridge of this is what I'm"},{"startTime":1274.878,"endTime":1279.119,"body":"looking for, what do you need to"},{"startTime":1279.191,"endTime":1283.863,"body":"get there. And when I say you, I"},{"startTime":1279.191,"endTime":1283.863,"body":"mean you yourself. So whether it"},{"startTime":1283.935,"endTime":1288.392,"body":"is an internal relationship, or"},{"startTime":1283.935,"endTime":1288.392,"body":"an external relationship, that"},{"startTime":1288.464,"endTime":1293.064,"body":"lack of listening, is a red flag"},{"startTime":1288.464,"endTime":1293.064,"body":"inequality, or lack of balance,"},{"startTime":1293.136,"endTime":1297.305,"body":"I would actually say equity."},{"startTime":1293.136,"endTime":1297.305,"body":"Because there are times where"},{"startTime":1297.377,"endTime":1301.906,"body":"that fluctuates. Of course, this"},{"startTime":1297.377,"endTime":1301.906,"body":"often applies to interpersonal"},{"startTime":1301.978,"endTime":1306.003,"body":"relationships, and romantic"},{"startTime":1301.978,"endTime":1306.003,"body":"relationships, partnerships,"},{"startTime":1306.075,"endTime":1309.741,"body":"where there's an unequal"},{"startTime":1306.075,"endTime":1309.741,"body":"balance, we talk about the"},{"startTime":1309.813,"endTime":1313.91,"body":"mental load, and emotional"},{"startTime":1309.813,"endTime":1313.91,"body":"labor, and all of those things"},{"startTime":1313.982,"endTime":1318.51,"body":"that come in, particularly put a"},{"startTime":1313.982,"endTime":1318.51,"body":"burden on women, there's a lot"},{"startTime":1318.582,"endTime":1322.751,"body":"of societal structural things"},{"startTime":1318.582,"endTime":1322.751,"body":"that influence that. That is"},{"startTime":1322.823,"endTime":1326.992,"body":"definitely something we're going"},{"startTime":1322.823,"endTime":1326.992,"body":"to be talking more about,"},{"startTime":1327.064,"endTime":1331.737,"body":"because that's a huge topic, but"},{"startTime":1327.064,"endTime":1331.737,"body":"that there may be times where it"},{"startTime":1331.808,"endTime":1336.121,"body":"looks different, I kind of think"},{"startTime":1331.808,"endTime":1336.121,"body":"of like the lava lamp where"},{"startTime":1336.193,"endTime":1340.722,"body":"sometimes the bloopers up high,"},{"startTime":1336.193,"endTime":1340.722,"body":"and sometimes the Bloop is down"},{"startTime":1340.794,"endTime":1344.891,"body":"low. And there's not like a"},{"startTime":1340.794,"endTime":1344.891,"body":"balance. It's just, there's a"},{"startTime":1344.963,"endTime":1348.988,"body":"flow there. But there is"},{"startTime":1344.963,"endTime":1348.988,"body":"consideration and listening. So"},{"startTime":1349.06,"endTime":1353.445,"body":"I think if those other pieces"},{"startTime":1349.06,"endTime":1353.445,"body":"are there, that piece has a lot"},{"startTime":1353.517,"endTime":1357.542,"body":"of balance, but we have to"},{"startTime":1353.517,"endTime":1357.542,"body":"factor in our relationship to"},{"startTime":1357.614,"endTime":1361.783,"body":"society and societal messages."},{"startTime":1357.614,"endTime":1361.783,"body":"So that's a big one. But if"},{"startTime":1361.855,"endTime":1365.88,"body":"there is a lack of balance, that"},{"startTime":1361.855,"endTime":1365.88,"body":"can be a red flag, that"},{"startTime":1365.952,"endTime":1370.122,"body":"something needs to be healed or"},{"startTime":1365.952,"endTime":1370.122,"body":"engaged or growth needs to"},{"startTime":1370.193,"endTime":1374.291,"body":"happen. And that, of course,"},{"startTime":1370.193,"endTime":1374.291,"body":"verbally hurtful if there is"},{"startTime":1374.363,"endTime":1378.316,"body":"harmful. Speaking to that is"},{"startTime":1374.363,"endTime":1378.316,"body":"another red flag. And that"},{"startTime":1378.388,"endTime":1382.916,"body":"applies to your own self talk,"},{"startTime":1378.388,"endTime":1382.916,"body":"of course, not just other people"},{"startTime":1382.988,"endTime":1387.373,"body":"talking to you or you talking to"},{"startTime":1382.988,"endTime":1387.373,"body":"other people. But that is an"},{"startTime":1387.445,"endTime":1391.974,"body":"important thing to notice. I had"},{"startTime":1387.445,"endTime":1391.974,"body":"a client recently who, who was"},{"startTime":1392.045,"endTime":1396.215,"body":"talking about what worked on"},{"startTime":1392.045,"endTime":1396.215,"body":"vacation, and she said, Well,"},{"startTime":1396.286,"endTime":1400.384,"body":"this is gonna sound bad, but"},{"startTime":1396.286,"endTime":1400.384,"body":"having somebody else cook me"},{"startTime":1400.456,"endTime":1404.409,"body":"breakfast. I'm like, what about"},{"startTime":1400.456,"endTime":1404.409,"body":"that sounds bad. And we"},{"startTime":1404.481,"endTime":1408.578,"body":"uncovered that there was an"},{"startTime":1404.481,"endTime":1408.578,"body":"underlying story, that having"},{"startTime":1408.65,"endTime":1413.035,"body":"someone do things for her was"},{"startTime":1408.65,"endTime":1413.035,"body":"bad. And so that's something to"},{"startTime":1413.107,"endTime":1417.42,"body":"look at, of like, Oh, if there's"},{"startTime":1413.107,"endTime":1417.42,"body":"this story, and I'm telling"},{"startTime":1417.492,"endTime":1422.02,"body":"myself this, then I'm blocking,"},{"startTime":1417.492,"endTime":1422.02,"body":"receiving because it's bad. Not"},{"startTime":1422.092,"endTime":1426.549,"body":"only are other people maybe not"},{"startTime":1422.092,"endTime":1426.549,"body":"doing it, so I don't have this"},{"startTime":1426.621,"endTime":1431.005,"body":"access. But if I'm blocking,"},{"startTime":1426.621,"endTime":1431.005,"body":"receiving, then I'm not going to"},{"startTime":1431.077,"endTime":1435.318,"body":"even let that in or when that"},{"startTime":1431.077,"endTime":1435.318,"body":"does happen, I'm not going to"},{"startTime":1435.39,"endTime":1439.847,"body":"feel the care of it. Just like"},{"startTime":1435.39,"endTime":1439.847,"body":"when you feel guilty for taking"},{"startTime":1439.919,"endTime":1443.657,"body":"time for yourself, you are"},{"startTime":1439.919,"endTime":1443.657,"body":"depleting yourself in the"},{"startTime":1443.728,"endTime":1447.97,"body":"process of trying to care for"},{"startTime":1443.728,"endTime":1447.97,"body":"yourself so you don't get the"},{"startTime":1448.041,"endTime":1452.498,"body":"full value of that care. That"},{"startTime":1448.041,"endTime":1452.498,"body":"works. Same for collective care,"},{"startTime":1452.57,"endTime":1456.739,"body":"too. If someone is wanting to"},{"startTime":1452.57,"endTime":1456.739,"body":"give you something or you're"},{"startTime":1456.811,"endTime":1461.411,"body":"receiving if you're blocking it"},{"startTime":1456.811,"endTime":1461.411,"body":"because you have a story that it"},{"startTime":1461.483,"endTime":1465.293,"body":"is bad to receive, then you're"},{"startTime":1461.483,"endTime":1465.293,"body":"not going to feel that"},{"startTime":1465.365,"endTime":1469.462,"body":"rejuvenation or that care"},{"startTime":1465.365,"endTime":1469.462,"body":"because you're blocking receipt"},{"startTime":1469.534,"endTime":1473.847,"body":"of it. So noticing that self"},{"startTime":1469.534,"endTime":1473.847,"body":"talk, noticing the stories that"},{"startTime":1473.919,"endTime":1478.232,"body":"you tell us are they supportive"},{"startTime":1473.919,"endTime":1478.232,"body":"stories, or are they hurtful"},{"startTime":1478.304,"endTime":1482.617,"body":"stories, though thing we hear"},{"startTime":1478.304,"endTime":1482.617,"body":"the most about is like what do"},{"startTime":1482.688,"endTime":1486.786,"body":"you say when you look at"},{"startTime":1482.688,"endTime":1486.786,"body":"yourself in the mirror, but that"},{"startTime":1486.858,"endTime":1491.242,"body":"applies on so many other levels."},{"startTime":1486.858,"endTime":1491.242,"body":"So this is your relationship"},{"startTime":1491.314,"endTime":1495.843,"body":"with yourself. This is also your"},{"startTime":1491.314,"endTime":1495.843,"body":"relationship to others. As, of"},{"startTime":1495.915,"endTime":1500.228,"body":"course, you're more likely to"},{"startTime":1495.915,"endTime":1500.228,"body":"not notice hurtful language if"},{"startTime":1500.299,"endTime":1504.469,"body":"you are also saying it to"},{"startTime":1500.299,"endTime":1504.469,"body":"yourself. So you might not set a"},{"startTime":1504.541,"endTime":1509.069,"body":"boundary with that or speak to"},{"startTime":1504.541,"endTime":1509.069,"body":"that if you are conflict averse,"},{"startTime":1509.141,"endTime":1513.166,"body":"because you haven't done the"},{"startTime":1509.141,"endTime":1513.166,"body":"work around what is healing"},{"startTime":1513.238,"endTime":1517.767,"body":"conflict. And that conflict can"},{"startTime":1513.238,"endTime":1517.767,"body":"be a growth opportunity, you're"},{"startTime":1517.839,"endTime":1522.223,"body":"also not likely to even notice"},{"startTime":1517.839,"endTime":1522.223,"body":"that there's a riff that needs"},{"startTime":1522.295,"endTime":1526.752,"body":"to be healed if you're so used"},{"startTime":1522.295,"endTime":1526.752,"body":"to that kind of way of speaking"},{"startTime":1526.824,"endTime":1531.065,"body":"that it's normalized, and you"},{"startTime":1526.824,"endTime":1531.065,"body":"don't notice it, because it's"},{"startTime":1531.137,"endTime":1535.306,"body":"just an autopilot part of your"},{"startTime":1531.137,"endTime":1535.306,"body":"brain. So those are the two"},{"startTime":1535.378,"endTime":1539.331,"body":"areas that you're going to"},{"startTime":1535.378,"endTime":1539.331,"body":"notice in this season, where"},{"startTime":1539.403,"endTime":1543.5,"body":"we're looking at what is"},{"startTime":1539.403,"endTime":1543.5,"body":"healthy, what are red flags? How"},{"startTime":1543.572,"endTime":1547.598,"body":"do we heal those pieces of"},{"startTime":1543.572,"endTime":1547.598,"body":"what's not working so that we"},{"startTime":1547.67,"endTime":1551.048,"body":"can develop healthy"},{"startTime":1547.67,"endTime":1551.048,"body":"relationships in all of our"},{"startTime":1551.12,"endTime":1555.505,"body":"relationships. And of course,"},{"startTime":1551.12,"endTime":1555.505,"body":"starting with your relationship"},{"startTime":1555.577,"endTime":1559.961,"body":"to yourself, which, as a coach,"},{"startTime":1555.577,"endTime":1559.961,"body":"of course, that's the primary"},{"startTime":1560.033,"endTime":1564.274,"body":"one that I'm looking at, when"},{"startTime":1560.033,"endTime":1564.274,"body":"I'm working with a client. So"},{"startTime":1564.346,"endTime":1568.731,"body":"some of the topics that we're"},{"startTime":1564.346,"endTime":1568.731,"body":"going to look at in this season"},{"startTime":1568.803,"endTime":1573.116,"body":"are intimacy, partnership, our"},{"startTime":1568.803,"endTime":1573.116,"body":"body, money, time, parenting,"},{"startTime":1573.188,"endTime":1577.069,"body":"generations, community,"},{"startTime":1573.188,"endTime":1577.069,"body":"environment, self, and change,"},{"startTime":1577.141,"endTime":1581.526,"body":"and our relationship to each of"},{"startTime":1577.141,"endTime":1581.526,"body":"those things. So I'm going to"},{"startTime":1581.598,"endTime":1586.198,"body":"have guests coming on if you are"},{"startTime":1581.598,"endTime":1586.198,"body":"interested in being coached for"},{"startTime":1586.27,"endTime":1590.511,"body":"an episode, I will have a link"},{"startTime":1586.27,"endTime":1590.511,"body":"in the show notes for you to"},{"startTime":1590.583,"endTime":1594.537,"body":"sign up to have a free coaching"},{"startTime":1590.583,"endTime":1594.537,"body":"session to be shared as"},{"startTime":1594.608,"endTime":1598.706,"body":"anonymously as I possibly can."},{"startTime":1594.608,"endTime":1598.706,"body":"On this podcast, I plan to"},{"startTime":1598.778,"endTime":1602.947,"body":"release episodes on the first"},{"startTime":1598.778,"endTime":1602.947,"body":"and third Wednesdays of each"},{"startTime":1603.019,"endTime":1607.619,"body":"month, so you can keep your ear"},{"startTime":1603.019,"endTime":1607.619,"body":"out for that. My next episode is"},{"startTime":1607.691,"endTime":1612.004,"body":"not for young people ears, it's"},{"startTime":1607.691,"endTime":1612.004,"body":"actually one of the few that"},{"startTime":1612.076,"endTime":1616.676,"body":"I'll have an explicit thing on."},{"startTime":1612.076,"endTime":1616.676,"body":"So if you do happen to listen to"},{"startTime":1616.748,"endTime":1621.061,"body":"this around your kids, just a"},{"startTime":1616.748,"endTime":1621.061,"body":"heads up that the next episode"},{"startTime":1621.133,"endTime":1625.733,"body":"is about intimacy and may not be"},{"startTime":1621.133,"endTime":1625.733,"body":"for your small ones. And that's"},{"startTime":1625.805,"endTime":1629.974,"body":"it for our first episode of"},{"startTime":1625.805,"endTime":1629.974,"body":"season four. As a reminder, go"},{"startTime":1630.046,"endTime":1634.503,"body":"check out my website for a list"},{"startTime":1630.046,"endTime":1634.503,"body":"right at the bottom of all the"},{"startTime":1634.575,"endTime":1639.031,"body":"upcoming offerings that I have"},{"startTime":1634.575,"endTime":1639.031,"body":"that are for groups. And if you"},{"startTime":1639.103,"endTime":1643.488,"body":"want to speak about doing some"},{"startTime":1639.103,"endTime":1643.488,"body":"one to one work, sign up for a"},{"startTime":1643.56,"endTime":1647.945,"body":"free exploration call, there's"},{"startTime":1643.56,"endTime":1647.945,"body":"no pressure on this call. It's"},{"startTime":1648.017,"endTime":1651.683,"body":"just an opportunity for us to"},{"startTime":1648.017,"endTime":1651.683,"body":"see if this is a good"},{"startTime":1651.754,"endTime":1655.564,"body":"relationship for you for your"},{"startTime":1651.754,"endTime":1655.564,"body":"growth and for whatever"},{"startTime":1655.636,"endTime":1660.093,"body":"transition you are looking to"},{"startTime":1655.636,"endTime":1660.093,"body":"step into. Thank you so much for"},{"startTime":1660.165,"endTime":1664.621,"body":"being here. I'm excited to step"},{"startTime":1660.165,"endTime":1664.621,"body":"into this next season with you"},{"startTime":1664.693,"endTime":1669.294,"body":"and I will talk to you all next"},{"startTime":1664.693,"endTime":1669.294,"body":"time. Thanks for listening. I so"},{"startTime":1669.366,"endTime":1673.822,"body":"appreciate you being here. If"},{"startTime":1669.366,"endTime":1673.822,"body":"you got something out of today's"},{"startTime":1673.894,"endTime":1678.279,"body":"episode, please share it leave"},{"startTime":1673.894,"endTime":1678.279,"body":"me a review. Take a screenshot"},{"startTime":1678.351,"endTime":1682.52,"body":"and post it on social with a"},{"startTime":1678.351,"endTime":1682.52,"body":"shout out to me, send it to a"},{"startTime":1682.592,"endTime":1686.761,"body":"friend or you know all of the"},{"startTime":1682.592,"endTime":1686.761,"body":"above. Want to hang out more"},{"startTime":1686.833,"endTime":1691.289,"body":"join me on Instagram, or better"},{"startTime":1686.833,"endTime":1691.289,"body":"yet, get on my mailing list to"},{"startTime":1691.361,"endTime":1695.674,"body":"make sure you don't miss out on"},{"startTime":1691.361,"endTime":1695.674,"body":"anything. And remember, your"},{"startTime":1695.746,"endTime":1700.059,"body":"possibilities are as unlimited"},{"startTime":1695.746,"endTime":1700.059,"body":"as you are. Allow yourself to"},{"startTime":1700.131,"endTime":1704.66,"body":"shine my friend. The world needs"},{"startTime":1700.131,"endTime":1704.66,"body":"your light. See you next time."}]}