{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.51,"body":"Hello, my friends and welcome to"},{"startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.51,"body":"another episode of unlimited."},{"startTime":3.54,"endTime":6.72,"body":"Today we are talking about"},{"startTime":3.54,"endTime":6.72,"body":"understanding the five love"},{"startTime":6.72,"endTime":10.89,"body":"languages. And I figured it was"},{"startTime":6.72,"endTime":10.89,"body":"about time we actually talk"},{"startTime":10.89,"endTime":15.21,"body":"about it because it has come up"},{"startTime":10.89,"endTime":15.21,"body":"several times, including like"},{"startTime":15.24,"endTime":19.38,"body":"the beginning of season one,"},{"startTime":15.24,"endTime":19.38,"body":"where I said I would talk about"},{"startTime":19.38,"endTime":21.9,"body":"it, and I still haven't. So here"},{"startTime":19.38,"endTime":21.9,"body":"we are, we're talking about"},{"startTime":21.9,"endTime":27.03,"body":"relationships, I figured it is"},{"startTime":21.9,"endTime":27.03,"body":"time. Part of the reason that I"},{"startTime":27.03,"endTime":30.18,"body":"have resisted talking about The"},{"startTime":27.03,"endTime":30.18,"body":"Five Love Languages is that"},{"startTime":30.18,"endTime":34.83,"body":"well, it is super popular and"},{"startTime":30.18,"endTime":34.83,"body":"kind of all over the place when"},{"startTime":34.83,"endTime":37.92,"body":"it comes to relationship stuff."},{"startTime":34.83,"endTime":37.92,"body":"I have mixed feelings about it,"},{"startTime":38.04,"endTime":41.37,"body":"I think that it can be really"},{"startTime":38.04,"endTime":41.37,"body":"helpful, I have personally found"},{"startTime":41.37,"endTime":46.29,"body":"ways that it has been helpful in"},{"startTime":41.37,"endTime":46.29,"body":"my own marriage. However, it's"},{"startTime":46.29,"endTime":50.49,"body":"got a lot of limitations. So in"},{"startTime":46.29,"endTime":50.49,"body":"case you are one of the people"},{"startTime":50.49,"endTime":54.75,"body":"who really hasn't encountered"},{"startTime":50.49,"endTime":54.75,"body":"The Five Love Languages, or"},{"startTime":55.32,"endTime":58.89,"body":"maybe you have but like haven't"},{"startTime":55.32,"endTime":58.89,"body":"really looked into it or don't"},{"startTime":58.89,"endTime":62.43,"body":"remember, we are going to talk"},{"startTime":58.89,"endTime":62.43,"body":"about what they are. So what"},{"startTime":62.43,"endTime":67.44,"body":"each of the five love languages"},{"startTime":62.43,"endTime":67.44,"body":"is, examples, etc. Then we're"},{"startTime":67.44,"endTime":70.05,"body":"going to talk about the"},{"startTime":67.44,"endTime":70.05,"body":"limitations of this model."},{"startTime":70.35,"endTime":73.56,"body":"Because there are definitely"},{"startTime":70.35,"endTime":73.56,"body":"some major limitations. So we're"},{"startTime":73.56,"endTime":76.8,"body":"gonna look at that. We're also"},{"startTime":73.56,"endTime":76.8,"body":"going to talk about learning"},{"startTime":76.8,"endTime":80.4,"body":"what you need and communicating"},{"startTime":76.8,"endTime":80.4,"body":"it because ultimately, I think"},{"startTime":80.4,"endTime":86.67,"body":"that is at the root of how this"},{"startTime":80.4,"endTime":86.67,"body":"model can be helpful, but also"},{"startTime":86.67,"endTime":90.69,"body":"where it can fail. So we're"},{"startTime":86.67,"endTime":90.69,"body":"going to talk about what that"},{"startTime":90.69,"endTime":95.76,"body":"looks like. Also reflections to"},{"startTime":90.69,"endTime":95.76,"body":"support self love, because that"},{"startTime":95.76,"endTime":100.41,"body":"is really important. And this is"},{"startTime":95.76,"endTime":100.41,"body":"a model that can help with that,"},{"startTime":100.89,"endTime":105.69,"body":"though, again, limitations. And"},{"startTime":100.89,"endTime":105.69,"body":"finally tips to use The Five"},{"startTime":105.87,"endTime":110.16,"body":"Love Languages model. So how can"},{"startTime":105.87,"endTime":110.16,"body":"you take all of this information"},{"startTime":110.19,"endTime":115.68,"body":"and apply it to you and use it"},{"startTime":110.19,"endTime":115.68,"body":"in a way that will be"},{"startTime":115.68,"endTime":119.31,"body":"supportive? for you in your"},{"startTime":115.68,"endTime":119.31,"body":"relationships, whether it be"},{"startTime":119.31,"endTime":124.23,"body":"with yourself or with others? I"},{"startTime":119.31,"endTime":124.23,"body":"would love to hear from you"},{"startTime":124.86,"endTime":129.84,"body":"about what your experience with"},{"startTime":124.86,"endTime":129.84,"body":"this model has been? Have you"},{"startTime":129.84,"endTime":134.13,"body":"found it helpful? In what ways?"},{"startTime":129.84,"endTime":134.13,"body":"Have you found it not helpful"},{"startTime":134.13,"endTime":138.15,"body":"and in what ways? So if you are"},{"startTime":134.13,"endTime":138.15,"body":"willing to share, I'd love for"},{"startTime":138.15,"endTime":141.6,"body":"you to reach out to me, you can"},{"startTime":138.15,"endTime":141.6,"body":"send me an email at Valerie at"},{"startTime":141.6,"endTime":144.9,"body":"Valerie friedlander.com You can"},{"startTime":141.6,"endTime":144.9,"body":"DM me and then there's also a"},{"startTime":144.9,"endTime":148.32,"body":"forum where you can ask me"},{"startTime":144.9,"endTime":148.32,"body":"anything if there is a topic"},{"startTime":148.83,"endTime":151.86,"body":"that you would like me to"},{"startTime":148.83,"endTime":151.86,"body":"explore on this podcast,"},{"startTime":151.89,"endTime":155.16,"body":"something you'd like me to dig"},{"startTime":151.89,"endTime":155.16,"body":"into. You are welcome to share"},{"startTime":155.16,"endTime":160.08,"body":"that with me. So I will have the"},{"startTime":155.16,"endTime":160.08,"body":"form link in the show notes. And"},{"startTime":160.08,"endTime":165.06,"body":"now without further ado, let's"},{"startTime":160.08,"endTime":165.06,"body":"get started. Hey there, I'm"},{"startTime":165.06,"endTime":168.12,"body":"Valerie Friedlander, Certified"},{"startTime":165.06,"endTime":168.12,"body":"Life business alignment coach,"},{"startTime":168.12,"endTime":172.65,"body":"and this is unlimited. This"},{"startTime":168.12,"endTime":172.65,"body":"podcast bridges the individual"},{"startTime":172.65,"endTime":176.31,"body":"and the societal, scientific and"},{"startTime":172.65,"endTime":176.31,"body":"spiritual, positive and"},{"startTime":176.34,"endTime":181.02,"body":"negative, nerdy and no, there's"},{"startTime":176.34,"endTime":181.02,"body":"just a lot of nerdy. come on"},{"startTime":181.02,"endTime":185.31,"body":"board and let's unlock a light."},{"startTime":181.02,"endTime":185.31,"body":"This is badass as you are."},{"startTime":192.69,"endTime":196.2,"body":"Before we talk about what the"},{"startTime":192.69,"endTime":196.2,"body":"five love languages are, let's"},{"startTime":196.2,"endTime":200.49,"body":"talk about where they came from."},{"startTime":196.2,"endTime":200.49,"body":"The concept of love languages"},{"startTime":200.52,"endTime":204.99,"body":"was coined by Baptist pastor"},{"startTime":200.52,"endTime":204.99,"body":"Gary Chapman some 30 years ago,"},{"startTime":205.53,"endTime":211.08,"body":"he wrote a book called The Five"},{"startTime":205.53,"endTime":211.08,"body":"Love Languages in 1992, through"},{"startTime":211.08,"endTime":216.66,"body":"the Moody Bible Institute, and"},{"startTime":211.08,"endTime":216.66,"body":"over 2 million copies have been"},{"startTime":216.66,"endTime":220.47,"body":"sold since then. And that's just"},{"startTime":216.66,"endTime":220.47,"body":"of the original that's not"},{"startTime":220.47,"endTime":224.85,"body":"including the several other spin"},{"startTime":220.47,"endTime":224.85,"body":"off books such as love languages"},{"startTime":224.85,"endTime":227.88,"body":"in the workplace, and love"},{"startTime":224.85,"endTime":227.88,"body":"languages with children, etc."},{"startTime":227.88,"endTime":231.69,"body":"So, lots of books, lots of talk,"},{"startTime":227.88,"endTime":231.69,"body":"if you look up the five love"},{"startTime":231.69,"endTime":236.85,"body":"languages, you will find videos"},{"startTime":231.69,"endTime":236.85,"body":"upon videos and podcasts upon"},{"startTime":236.85,"endTime":241.05,"body":"podcast talking about them. So"},{"startTime":236.85,"endTime":241.05,"body":"I'm in good company, I guess."},{"startTime":243.15,"endTime":249.18,"body":"Chapman developed this concept"},{"startTime":243.15,"endTime":249.18,"body":"of love languages, as he was"},{"startTime":249.18,"endTime":254.46,"body":"counseling couples in his role"},{"startTime":249.18,"endTime":254.46,"body":"as a Baptist pastor. And it was"},{"startTime":254.46,"endTime":257.79,"body":"through his observations of"},{"startTime":254.46,"endTime":257.79,"body":"couples that this idea of Love"},{"startTime":257.79,"endTime":263.61,"body":"Languages came out. He believed"},{"startTime":257.79,"endTime":263.61,"body":"that love languages were an"},{"startTime":263.61,"endTime":267.09,"body":"intuitive and simple way to"},{"startTime":263.61,"endTime":267.09,"body":"teach couples about how to tune"},{"startTime":267.09,"endTime":270.96,"body":"into each other's way of"},{"startTime":267.09,"endTime":270.96,"body":"expressing love. So he started"},{"startTime":270.96,"endTime":275.31,"body":"using them to run seminars for"},{"startTime":270.96,"endTime":275.31,"body":"husbands and wives. And its"},{"startTime":275.31,"endTime":279.24,"body":"popularity took off from there."},{"startTime":275.31,"endTime":279.24,"body":"In this episode, I'm not going"},{"startTime":279.24,"endTime":283.05,"body":"to dig into what makes us"},{"startTime":279.24,"endTime":283.05,"body":"popular and all of that we're"},{"startTime":283.05,"endTime":287.58,"body":"not going to look at that"},{"startTime":283.05,"endTime":287.58,"body":"sociological phenomenon that is"},{"startTime":287.58,"endTime":291.84,"body":"occurring with this idea other"},{"startTime":287.58,"endTime":291.84,"body":"than to state that we all really"},{"startTime":291.84,"endTime":296.97,"body":"love the idea of a good, easy,"},{"startTime":291.84,"endTime":296.97,"body":"quick fix. This is not that it"},{"startTime":296.97,"endTime":304.62,"body":"is a tool that can be helped"},{"startTime":296.97,"endTime":304.62,"body":"All, in some cases, as you may"},{"startTime":304.62,"endTime":310.32,"body":"have noted, this is Christian"},{"startTime":304.62,"endTime":310.32,"body":"based Western cultural context."},{"startTime":311.01,"endTime":317.25,"body":"And the idea of it is rooted in"},{"startTime":311.01,"endTime":317.25,"body":"anecdotal evidence and"},{"startTime":317.28,"endTime":323.19,"body":"observations. Not in science."},{"startTime":317.28,"endTime":323.19,"body":"Actually, despite millions of"},{"startTime":323.19,"endTime":327.63,"body":"individuals having taken the"},{"startTime":323.19,"endTime":327.63,"body":"quiz, according to The Five Love"},{"startTime":327.63,"endTime":331.68,"body":"languages.com website, there's"},{"startTime":327.63,"endTime":331.68,"body":"actually no published findings"},{"startTime":331.68,"endTime":335.28,"body":"as to the reliability and"},{"startTime":331.68,"endTime":335.28,"body":"validity of it using it as a"},{"startTime":335.28,"endTime":341.52,"body":"measure. Scientists have done"},{"startTime":335.28,"endTime":341.52,"body":"some studies around it, and it"},{"startTime":341.52,"endTime":346.02,"body":"hasn't really shown anything"},{"startTime":341.52,"endTime":346.02,"body":"conclusive. So just bearing that"},{"startTime":346.02,"endTime":350.46,"body":"in mind, it is one of the places"},{"startTime":346.02,"endTime":350.46,"body":"where we have some limitations."},{"startTime":350.49,"endTime":354.36,"body":"And it really is important to"},{"startTime":350.49,"endTime":354.36,"body":"recognize that there are some"},{"startTime":354.36,"endTime":358.8,"body":"amazing tools out there. Not all"},{"startTime":354.36,"endTime":358.8,"body":"tools are appropriate. And all"},{"startTime":358.8,"endTime":362.52,"body":"places just like you wouldn't"},{"startTime":358.8,"endTime":362.52,"body":"use a hammer for all of your"},{"startTime":362.52,"endTime":364.89,"body":"needs. When you need a saw,"},{"startTime":362.52,"endTime":364.89,"body":"you're not going to use a"},{"startTime":364.89,"endTime":371.61,"body":"hammer, for example. So being"},{"startTime":364.89,"endTime":371.61,"body":"mindful that this is a tool and"},{"startTime":371.64,"endTime":375.18,"body":"where it is helpful, and where"},{"startTime":371.64,"endTime":375.18,"body":"it is not helpful to allow it to"},{"startTime":375.18,"endTime":379.29,"body":"have a place. And maybe not,"},{"startTime":375.18,"endTime":379.29,"body":"because not all tools are"},{"startTime":379.29,"endTime":383.37,"body":"helpful for all people. So just"},{"startTime":379.29,"endTime":383.37,"body":"keeping that in mind. Now,"},{"startTime":383.4,"endTime":386.85,"body":"before we dig further into those"},{"startTime":383.4,"endTime":386.85,"body":"limitations, let's talk about"},{"startTime":386.85,"endTime":392.1,"body":"what the Five Love Languages"},{"startTime":386.85,"endTime":392.1,"body":"actually are. One of them is"},{"startTime":392.1,"endTime":396.15,"body":"acts of service. So acts of"},{"startTime":392.1,"endTime":396.15,"body":"service is doing something that"},{"startTime":396.15,"endTime":402.66,"body":"helps a partner, such as running"},{"startTime":396.15,"endTime":402.66,"body":"an errand, cleaning up something"},{"startTime":402.66,"endTime":407.52,"body":"that is a service. Another is"},{"startTime":402.66,"endTime":407.52,"body":"physical touch, which is"},{"startTime":407.52,"endTime":410.88,"body":"demonstrating physical"},{"startTime":407.52,"endTime":410.88,"body":"affection, such as giving your"},{"startTime":410.88,"endTime":417.09,"body":"partner a hug, or a kiss, or a"},{"startTime":410.88,"endTime":417.09,"body":"rub on the shoulders, or a back"},{"startTime":417.09,"endTime":421.38,"body":"rub even, or something a little"},{"startTime":417.09,"endTime":421.38,"body":"bit more intimate. All of those"},{"startTime":421.38,"endTime":425.43,"body":"are physical touch, quality,"},{"startTime":421.38,"endTime":425.43,"body":"time, spending time together,"},{"startTime":425.82,"endTime":429.57,"body":"giving each other undivided"},{"startTime":425.82,"endTime":429.57,"body":"attention. So quality time is"},{"startTime":429.6,"endTime":433.92,"body":"like doing something where you"},{"startTime":429.6,"endTime":433.92,"body":"are really present together,"},{"startTime":434.52,"endTime":438.33,"body":"paying attention to each other"},{"startTime":434.52,"endTime":438.33,"body":"to what you're doing, rather"},{"startTime":438.33,"endTime":441.63,"body":"than where you're distracted and"},{"startTime":438.33,"endTime":441.63,"body":"kind of here and there and not"},{"startTime":441.63,"endTime":444.06,"body":"really with each other."},{"startTime":441.63,"endTime":444.06,"body":"Basically what it sounds like"},{"startTime":444.09,"endTime":449.16,"body":"quality time. Another is gifts,"},{"startTime":444.09,"endTime":449.16,"body":"giving your partner a present"},{"startTime":449.34,"endTime":454.83,"body":"that communicates thoughtfulness"},{"startTime":449.34,"endTime":454.83,"body":"effort or expense. It is saying"},{"startTime":454.86,"endTime":459.21,"body":"I was thinking of you here's"},{"startTime":454.86,"endTime":459.21,"body":"here's something. So it's a"},{"startTime":459.21,"endTime":464.19,"body":"physical tangible expression of"},{"startTime":459.21,"endTime":464.19,"body":"affection. And then finally,"},{"startTime":464.22,"endTime":468.42,"body":"words of affirmation, such as"},{"startTime":464.22,"endTime":468.42,"body":"expressing your admiration, or"},{"startTime":468.45,"endTime":473.25,"body":"complimenting a partner saying"},{"startTime":468.45,"endTime":473.25,"body":"thank you expressing gratitude."},{"startTime":473.7,"endTime":477.0,"body":"Sometimes these can be combined"},{"startTime":473.7,"endTime":477.0,"body":"together, like you might have a"},{"startTime":477.0,"endTime":480.57,"body":"gift combined with words of"},{"startTime":477.0,"endTime":480.57,"body":"affirmation in the form of a"},{"startTime":480.57,"endTime":483.99,"body":"card, right? Like you could do"},{"startTime":480.57,"endTime":483.99,"body":"that. You could also have"},{"startTime":483.99,"endTime":488.88,"body":"quality time and physical touch"},{"startTime":483.99,"endTime":488.88,"body":"go hand in hand. So none of"},{"startTime":488.88,"endTime":491.55,"body":"these are like mutually"},{"startTime":488.88,"endTime":491.55,"body":"exclusive of the other ones."},{"startTime":491.55,"endTime":498.09,"body":"It's this idea that we have one,"},{"startTime":491.55,"endTime":498.09,"body":"usually two that kind of stand"},{"startTime":498.09,"endTime":503.67,"body":"out this concept of like, this"},{"startTime":498.09,"endTime":503.67,"body":"is my primary love language."},{"startTime":504.12,"endTime":509.52,"body":"This is how I communicate love,"},{"startTime":504.12,"endTime":509.52,"body":"this is how I receive love. So"},{"startTime":509.64,"endTime":514.92,"body":"here's the benefit that I see to"},{"startTime":509.64,"endTime":514.92,"body":"something like this. And that is"},{"startTime":514.95,"endTime":519.18,"body":"it is a tool for communication."},{"startTime":514.95,"endTime":519.18,"body":"When we can have a shared"},{"startTime":519.21,"endTime":525.18,"body":"language with another person"},{"startTime":519.21,"endTime":525.18,"body":"that allows us a certain amount"},{"startTime":525.18,"endTime":530.79,"body":"of simplicity in communicating,"},{"startTime":525.18,"endTime":530.79,"body":"we can articulate something that"},{"startTime":530.79,"endTime":535.38,"body":"may be difficult to articulate"},{"startTime":530.79,"endTime":535.38,"body":"with the facility of having a"},{"startTime":535.38,"endTime":540.33,"body":"tool to do so. So if you have a"},{"startTime":535.38,"endTime":540.33,"body":"shared language, such as The"},{"startTime":540.33,"endTime":544.44,"body":"Five Love Languages, you can"},{"startTime":540.33,"endTime":544.44,"body":"then express Hey, I could really"},{"startTime":544.44,"endTime":548.49,"body":"use some quality time. And then"},{"startTime":544.44,"endTime":548.49,"body":"that person knows what you're"},{"startTime":548.49,"endTime":551.58,"body":"talking about. Because they are"},{"startTime":548.49,"endTime":551.58,"body":"sharing that language, they have"},{"startTime":551.58,"endTime":556.35,"body":"that awareness. One of the other"},{"startTime":551.58,"endTime":556.35,"body":"big benefits to having something"},{"startTime":556.35,"endTime":561.24,"body":"like this is that it can help"},{"startTime":556.35,"endTime":561.24,"body":"you step outside of your own"},{"startTime":561.33,"endTime":564.93,"body":"standard way of thinking. And I"},{"startTime":561.33,"endTime":564.93,"body":"actually think that that's"},{"startTime":564.93,"endTime":569.46,"body":"probably the biggest piece that"},{"startTime":564.93,"endTime":569.46,"body":"I have personally found, and"},{"startTime":569.46,"endTime":574.53,"body":"I've seen for others, with a"},{"startTime":569.46,"endTime":574.53,"body":"tool like this, whether it's"},{"startTime":574.53,"endTime":577.77,"body":"this one or another one, it's"},{"startTime":574.53,"endTime":577.77,"body":"being able to recognize that not"},{"startTime":577.77,"endTime":582.66,"body":"everybody thinks the same way as"},{"startTime":577.77,"endTime":582.66,"body":"you do. Not everyone has the"},{"startTime":582.66,"endTime":587.13,"body":"same needs as you do, or has"},{"startTime":582.66,"endTime":587.13,"body":"different needs at different"},{"startTime":587.13,"endTime":591.36,"body":"times. We have been so"},{"startTime":587.13,"endTime":591.36,"body":"conditioned around this idea of"},{"startTime":591.36,"endTime":594.75,"body":"the Golden Rule Do unto others"},{"startTime":591.36,"endTime":594.75,"body":"as you would have them do unto"},{"startTime":594.75,"endTime":599.22,"body":"you. So this idea that the way"},{"startTime":594.75,"endTime":599.22,"body":"you think about things and what"},{"startTime":599.22,"endTime":602.94,"body":"you need and Situation is"},{"startTime":599.22,"endTime":602.94,"body":"therefore the way other people"},{"startTime":602.94,"endTime":606.69,"body":"think and what they need in a"},{"startTime":602.94,"endTime":606.69,"body":"situation. And that's not always"},{"startTime":606.69,"endTime":610.47,"body":"true. I've talked about this one"},{"startTime":606.69,"endTime":610.47,"body":"before this difference between"},{"startTime":610.5,"endTime":614.1,"body":"the golden rule and the platinum"},{"startTime":610.5,"endTime":614.1,"body":"rule. I didn't actually know it"},{"startTime":614.1,"endTime":616.38,"body":"was called the platinum rule"},{"startTime":614.1,"endTime":616.38,"body":"until I saw somebody post about"},{"startTime":616.38,"endTime":619.44,"body":"it. I'm like, okay, so they gave"},{"startTime":616.38,"endTime":619.44,"body":"it a name. But the idea of this"},{"startTime":619.44,"endTime":624.63,"body":"platinum role is that you do"},{"startTime":619.44,"endTime":624.63,"body":"unto others, the way they would"},{"startTime":624.63,"endTime":628.86,"body":"have you do unto them, right. So"},{"startTime":624.63,"endTime":628.86,"body":"it's really about what they"},{"startTime":628.86,"endTime":633.45,"body":"need. And so instead of assuming"},{"startTime":628.86,"endTime":633.45,"body":"that somebody needs certain"},{"startTime":633.45,"endTime":637.92,"body":"things based off of what you"},{"startTime":633.45,"endTime":637.92,"body":"think you would need, you ask,"},{"startTime":638.43,"endTime":644.61,"body":"you engage curiosity, and remove"},{"startTime":638.43,"endTime":644.61,"body":"assumption, so that you are"},{"startTime":644.61,"endTime":648.75,"body":"asking them, hey, what do you"},{"startTime":644.61,"endTime":648.75,"body":"need, instead of imposing what"},{"startTime":648.75,"endTime":653.22,"body":"you think upon them. So this is"},{"startTime":648.75,"endTime":653.22,"body":"one of the main things that I"},{"startTime":653.22,"endTime":657.3,"body":"think the five love languages"},{"startTime":653.22,"endTime":657.3,"body":"and tools like it come into play"},{"startTime":657.33,"endTime":663.0,"body":"is it helps people recognize"},{"startTime":657.33,"endTime":663.0,"body":"that they don't always know what"},{"startTime":663.0,"endTime":667.92,"body":"is needed, and that someone else"},{"startTime":663.0,"endTime":667.92,"body":"may need something different"},{"startTime":667.92,"endTime":672.57,"body":"than them. So this is where you"},{"startTime":667.92,"endTime":672.57,"body":"can go, Okay, well, what is my"},{"startTime":672.57,"endTime":678.27,"body":"primary love language? This is"},{"startTime":672.57,"endTime":678.27,"body":"how I'm expressing my love, but"},{"startTime":678.27,"endTime":682.32,"body":"they're not receiving my love"},{"startTime":678.27,"endTime":682.32,"body":"that way? How do they want to"},{"startTime":682.32,"endTime":687.0,"body":"receive love? What is useful for"},{"startTime":682.32,"endTime":687.0,"body":"them? What is what they are"},{"startTime":687.0,"endTime":691.2,"body":"looking for, in this dynamic in"},{"startTime":687.0,"endTime":691.2,"body":"this relationship in this"},{"startTime":691.2,"endTime":697.8,"body":"situation? And then how do I ask"},{"startTime":691.2,"endTime":697.8,"body":"for what I need. So it's a tool"},{"startTime":697.8,"endTime":702.63,"body":"for communication, and it can"},{"startTime":697.8,"endTime":702.63,"body":"help simplify communication."},{"startTime":703.2,"endTime":705.51,"body":"We're gonna talk a little bit"},{"startTime":703.2,"endTime":705.51,"body":"more about utilizing that in"},{"startTime":705.51,"endTime":707.97,"body":"just a moment. But I do want to"},{"startTime":705.51,"endTime":707.97,"body":"make sure that we talk about"},{"startTime":707.97,"endTime":711.93,"body":"these limitations in a little"},{"startTime":707.97,"endTime":711.93,"body":"bit more depth before we go much"},{"startTime":711.93,"endTime":715.23,"body":"further, because it is really"},{"startTime":711.93,"endTime":715.23,"body":"important that anytime you're"},{"startTime":715.23,"endTime":719.34,"body":"using a tool like this, that"},{"startTime":715.23,"endTime":719.34,"body":"there's clarity around where it"},{"startTime":719.34,"endTime":723.54,"body":"really isn't applicable. So some"},{"startTime":719.34,"endTime":723.54,"body":"of the limitations of the Five"},{"startTime":723.54,"endTime":728.85,"body":"Love Languages model is that it"},{"startTime":723.54,"endTime":728.85,"body":"is an over simplification. It"},{"startTime":729.69,"endTime":735.93,"body":"overly simplifies this idea that"},{"startTime":729.69,"endTime":735.93,"body":"we have one love language that"},{"startTime":735.93,"endTime":738.27,"body":"we communicate with. We don't"},{"startTime":739.38,"endTime":743.64,"body":"I, I've seen this with plenty of"},{"startTime":739.38,"endTime":743.64,"body":"clients, my empirical evidence"},{"startTime":743.67,"endTime":747.45,"body":"says otherwise. But it can be"},{"startTime":743.67,"endTime":747.45,"body":"helpful because sometimes we"},{"startTime":747.45,"endTime":752.01,"body":"have a period of time where we"},{"startTime":747.45,"endTime":752.01,"body":"need that it's also not fixed."},{"startTime":752.52,"endTime":757.8,"body":"The way that this is presented"},{"startTime":752.52,"endTime":757.8,"body":"is that this is your love"},{"startTime":757.8,"endTime":762.63,"body":"language. This is their love"},{"startTime":757.8,"endTime":762.63,"body":"language. And I have found in"},{"startTime":762.63,"endTime":765.42,"body":"working with clients that it"},{"startTime":762.63,"endTime":765.42,"body":"changes depending on what your"},{"startTime":765.42,"endTime":770.7,"body":"needs are, depending on what's"},{"startTime":765.42,"endTime":770.7,"body":"going on, it may be one way for"},{"startTime":770.7,"endTime":776.61,"body":"a period of time, and then that"},{"startTime":770.7,"endTime":776.61,"body":"particular way of receiving love"},{"startTime":776.64,"endTime":781.41,"body":"is solid, and another area feels"},{"startTime":776.64,"endTime":781.41,"body":"like it's lacking. And so that"},{"startTime":781.41,"endTime":785.04,"body":"one starts to feel more dominant"},{"startTime":781.41,"endTime":785.04,"body":"in terms of what is needed. So"},{"startTime":785.43,"endTime":788.43,"body":"we have to have communication"},{"startTime":785.43,"endTime":788.43,"body":"going alongside of this, it"},{"startTime":788.43,"endTime":792.81,"body":"can't be another tool to make"},{"startTime":788.43,"endTime":792.81,"body":"assumptions off of because then"},{"startTime":792.81,"endTime":798.72,"body":"it defeats the whole purpose."},{"startTime":792.81,"endTime":798.72,"body":"Alongside of this, and the"},{"startTime":798.72,"endTime":802.38,"body":"dynamics of it shifting is that"},{"startTime":798.72,"endTime":802.38,"body":"it doesn't address attachment"},{"startTime":802.38,"endTime":805.98,"body":"and trauma roots of what we are"},{"startTime":802.38,"endTime":805.98,"body":"looking for in terms of"},{"startTime":805.98,"endTime":811.38,"body":"receiving and how we tend to"},{"startTime":805.98,"endTime":811.38,"body":"give, it may be that because of"},{"startTime":811.62,"endTime":815.82,"body":"unhealed trauma, that particular"},{"startTime":811.62,"endTime":815.82,"body":"love language that standing out"},{"startTime":815.82,"endTime":820.86,"body":"can never be fully filled by"},{"startTime":815.82,"endTime":820.86,"body":"another person. Because it has"},{"startTime":820.86,"endTime":825.57,"body":"to do with wounds that need to"},{"startTime":820.86,"endTime":825.57,"body":"be healed. Another aspect of"},{"startTime":825.57,"endTime":831.18,"body":"that can also be the way that"},{"startTime":825.57,"endTime":831.18,"body":"you give love, the language that"},{"startTime":831.18,"endTime":835.41,"body":"you tend to use to express"},{"startTime":831.18,"endTime":835.41,"body":"affection may be rooted in"},{"startTime":835.41,"endTime":841.26,"body":"trauma or just conditioning from"},{"startTime":835.41,"endTime":841.26,"body":"childhood and what you learned"},{"startTime":841.26,"endTime":845.4,"body":"got you attention got you love"},{"startTime":841.26,"endTime":845.4,"body":"from parental figures or other"},{"startTime":845.4,"endTime":850.02,"body":"adults that you needed that"},{"startTime":845.4,"endTime":850.02,"body":"attachment with. So as that work"},{"startTime":850.02,"endTime":853.74,"body":"gets done, and as those things"},{"startTime":850.02,"endTime":853.74,"body":"get healed and addressed, or"},{"startTime":853.74,"endTime":860.7,"body":"those patterns get navigated and"},{"startTime":853.74,"endTime":860.7,"body":"shifted, you may find that the"},{"startTime":860.7,"endTime":863.73,"body":"love language that you thought"},{"startTime":860.7,"endTime":863.73,"body":"was your love language actually"},{"startTime":863.73,"endTime":868.26,"body":"isn't applicable to the extent"},{"startTime":863.73,"endTime":868.26,"body":"that it was because it isn't"},{"startTime":868.26,"endTime":873.72,"body":"needed the way it was needed"},{"startTime":868.26,"endTime":873.72,"body":"before because you've done"},{"startTime":873.72,"endTime":878.04,"body":"healing work because you've done"},{"startTime":873.72,"endTime":878.04,"body":"pattern shifting work to address"},{"startTime":878.07,"endTime":884.04,"body":"that underlying drive for say"},{"startTime":878.07,"endTime":884.04,"body":"acts of service or gift giving"},{"startTime":884.04,"endTime":889.08,"body":"right so those sorts of things."},{"startTime":884.04,"endTime":889.08,"body":"And then ultimately, this isn't"},{"startTime":889.11,"endTime":892.68,"body":"a fix all for relationship"},{"startTime":889.11,"endTime":892.68,"body":"issues. Learning The Five Love"},{"startTime":892.68,"endTime":896.52,"body":"Languages reading the book"},{"startTime":892.68,"endTime":896.52,"body":"together even is not going to"},{"startTime":896.52,"endTime":901.05,"body":"solve all of your relationship"},{"startTime":896.52,"endTime":901.05,"body":"challenges. It is so important"},{"startTime":901.05,"endTime":906.15,"body":"to have communication skills."},{"startTime":901.05,"endTime":906.15,"body":"And again, this can be a tool in"},{"startTime":906.15,"endTime":910.86,"body":"your communication tool belt."},{"startTime":906.15,"endTime":910.86,"body":"But you also need the skills of"},{"startTime":910.86,"endTime":914.85,"body":"communication of emotional"},{"startTime":910.86,"endTime":914.85,"body":"intelligence, of conflict"},{"startTime":914.85,"endTime":921.06,"body":"resolution. Having work around"},{"startTime":914.85,"endTime":921.06,"body":"aligned values and making sure"},{"startTime":921.06,"endTime":925.38,"body":"that there's a connection there,"},{"startTime":921.06,"endTime":925.38,"body":"having trust building trust. And"},{"startTime":925.38,"endTime":929.13,"body":"also, of course, as I mentioned,"},{"startTime":925.38,"endTime":929.13,"body":"healing trauma are all part of"},{"startTime":929.13,"endTime":932.34,"body":"developing a healthy"},{"startTime":929.13,"endTime":932.34,"body":"relationship. So just knowing"},{"startTime":932.34,"endTime":935.34,"body":"your love language is not going"},{"startTime":932.34,"endTime":935.34,"body":"to address all of those things."},{"startTime":936.21,"endTime":945.66,"body":"It can be a tool to facilitate"},{"startTime":936.21,"endTime":945.66,"body":"in some instances. So that said,"},{"startTime":946.77,"endTime":950.76,"body":"let's talk about learning what"},{"startTime":946.77,"endTime":950.76,"body":"you need and communicating it."},{"startTime":952.14,"endTime":958.56,"body":"I'll give you an example of what"},{"startTime":952.14,"endTime":958.56,"body":"my husband and I did with this"},{"startTime":958.56,"endTime":963.96,"body":"tool. And first of all, we read"},{"startTime":958.56,"endTime":963.96,"body":"the book together. It was really"},{"startTime":963.96,"endTime":967.2,"body":"interesting, because I think"},{"startTime":963.96,"endTime":967.2,"body":"anytime you read something"},{"startTime":967.2,"endTime":970.5,"body":"together, especially if they're"},{"startTime":967.2,"endTime":970.5,"body":"exploratory questions like this"},{"startTime":970.5,"endTime":975.75,"body":"book has, you explore together,"},{"startTime":970.5,"endTime":975.75,"body":"you go on a journey together to"},{"startTime":975.75,"endTime":981.69,"body":"reflect on yourself and on each"},{"startTime":975.75,"endTime":981.69,"body":"other. And I think anytime you"},{"startTime":981.69,"endTime":985.11,"body":"do that it can be beneficial in"},{"startTime":981.69,"endTime":985.11,"body":"deepening a relationship,"},{"startTime":985.11,"endTime":987.39,"body":"deepening an understanding,"},{"startTime":985.11,"endTime":987.39,"body":"because you're developing"},{"startTime":987.39,"endTime":991.56,"body":"yourself understanding and"},{"startTime":987.39,"endTime":991.56,"body":"you're doing that in tandem, or"},{"startTime":991.56,"endTime":997.59,"body":"in collaboration, even with a"},{"startTime":991.56,"endTime":997.59,"body":"partner. Now, the only way I got"},{"startTime":997.59,"endTime":1001.07,"body":"my husband to do this is I'd"},{"startTime":997.59,"endTime":1001.07,"body":"read it to him in the shower. So"},{"startTime":1001.07,"endTime":1003.92,"body":"I was like, Well, this is where"},{"startTime":1001.07,"endTime":1003.92,"body":"we're gonna grab this time. Call"},{"startTime":1003.92,"endTime":1007.37,"body":"it quality time if you want. But"},{"startTime":1003.92,"endTime":1007.37,"body":"I read it. And then we talked"},{"startTime":1007.37,"endTime":1014.15,"body":"about it. I found from that my"},{"startTime":1007.37,"endTime":1014.15,"body":"love language at the time this"},{"startTime":1014.15,"endTime":1017.42,"body":"is several years ago, mind you,"},{"startTime":1014.15,"endTime":1017.42,"body":"my love language stood out for"},{"startTime":1017.42,"endTime":1022.1,"body":"me as words of affirmation. His"},{"startTime":1017.42,"endTime":1022.1,"body":"stood out as physical touch. Now"},{"startTime":1022.1,"endTime":1025.25,"body":"I've explored actually, in the"},{"startTime":1022.1,"endTime":1025.25,"body":"last episode, we talked a little"},{"startTime":1025.25,"endTime":1028.88,"body":"bit about the dynamics around"},{"startTime":1025.25,"endTime":1028.88,"body":"physical touch. So check that"},{"startTime":1028.88,"endTime":1034.64,"body":"out, if you haven't yet. One of"},{"startTime":1028.88,"endTime":1034.64,"body":"the things that came up around"},{"startTime":1034.64,"endTime":1038.81,"body":"this where it was a useful tool,"},{"startTime":1034.64,"endTime":1038.81,"body":"was my husband was really"},{"startTime":1038.81,"endTime":1042.47,"body":"stressed out about something at"},{"startTime":1038.81,"endTime":1042.47,"body":"work, and I was trying to offer"},{"startTime":1042.47,"endTime":1045.98,"body":"validation. I was asking"},{"startTime":1042.47,"endTime":1045.98,"body":"questions I put on my coaching"},{"startTime":1045.98,"endTime":1049.25,"body":"hat, right. This is where it's"},{"startTime":1045.98,"endTime":1049.25,"body":"easier for me, you know,"},{"startTime":1049.28,"endTime":1053.63,"body":"acknowledge and validate his"},{"startTime":1049.28,"endTime":1053.63,"body":"feelings help explore, like,"},{"startTime":1053.63,"endTime":1055.97,"body":"what can you do about this, and"},{"startTime":1053.63,"endTime":1055.97,"body":"he was just getting so"},{"startTime":1055.97,"endTime":1061.22,"body":"frustrated. This is where I am"},{"startTime":1055.97,"endTime":1061.22,"body":"the instance of, I'm asking him,"},{"startTime":1061.25,"endTime":1064.25,"body":"like, what would be supportive"},{"startTime":1061.25,"endTime":1064.25,"body":"for you? And he was like, Well,"},{"startTime":1064.25,"endTime":1067.01,"body":"stop asking me questions. I'm"},{"startTime":1064.25,"endTime":1067.01,"body":"like, I How am I supposed to"},{"startTime":1067.01,"endTime":1070.1,"body":"support you? If I don't ask you"},{"startTime":1067.01,"endTime":1070.1,"body":"questions? You know, people who"},{"startTime":1070.1,"endTime":1073.13,"body":"aren't coaches ask questions to"},{"startTime":1070.1,"endTime":1073.13,"body":"is, this is a normal thing."},{"startTime":1073.97,"endTime":1079.1,"body":"Anyway, it took me a while of"},{"startTime":1073.97,"endTime":1079.1,"body":"frustration on my own part where"},{"startTime":1079.1,"endTime":1085.13,"body":"I couldn't support him to think"},{"startTime":1079.1,"endTime":1085.13,"body":"about, oh, maybe he just needs a"},{"startTime":1085.13,"endTime":1087.35,"body":"hug. I actually was until the"},{"startTime":1085.13,"endTime":1087.35,"body":"next morning, this is a whole"},{"startTime":1087.35,"endTime":1092.06,"body":"conversation was in an evening"},{"startTime":1087.35,"endTime":1092.06,"body":"after work. And then we were"},{"startTime":1092.09,"endTime":1095.39,"body":"there's this tension until the"},{"startTime":1092.09,"endTime":1095.39,"body":"next morning, and I was just"},{"startTime":1095.39,"endTime":1099.68,"body":"like, you know, just to give him"},{"startTime":1095.39,"endTime":1099.68,"body":"a hug. And I felt his whole body"},{"startTime":1099.71,"endTime":1103.01,"body":"shift, like just relax, almost"},{"startTime":1099.71,"endTime":1103.01,"body":"like he was melting into the"},{"startTime":1103.01,"endTime":1106.94,"body":"hug. And I was like, Oh, hmm,"},{"startTime":1103.01,"endTime":1106.94,"body":"well, I knew that his love"},{"startTime":1106.94,"endTime":1113.27,"body":"language was physical touch. And"},{"startTime":1106.94,"endTime":1113.27,"body":"so obviously, this hug was"},{"startTime":1113.27,"endTime":1118.07,"body":"exactly what he needed. Now. I"},{"startTime":1113.27,"endTime":1118.07,"body":"will caveat this with"},{"startTime":1118.1,"endTime":1122.99,"body":"acknowledging as I have before"},{"startTime":1118.1,"endTime":1122.99,"body":"that this is not a fix all this"},{"startTime":1122.99,"endTime":1127.28,"body":"doesn't apply everywhere. So it"},{"startTime":1122.99,"endTime":1127.28,"body":"could be a case of just"},{"startTime":1127.73,"endTime":1132.86,"body":"validating beliefs that I"},{"startTime":1127.73,"endTime":1132.86,"body":"already had. Right? So saying,"},{"startTime":1132.89,"endTime":1136.22,"body":"Oh, he needed a hug because his"},{"startTime":1132.89,"endTime":1136.22,"body":"love languages physical touch."},{"startTime":1136.22,"endTime":1141.32,"body":"Well, yeah, okay, maybe maybe"},{"startTime":1136.22,"endTime":1141.32,"body":"you know, a hugs are good. Maybe"},{"startTime":1141.32,"endTime":1144.53,"body":"hugs are nice to have when"},{"startTime":1141.32,"endTime":1144.53,"body":"you're stressed out. Not"},{"startTime":1144.53,"endTime":1146.66,"body":"everybody wants a hug when"},{"startTime":1144.53,"endTime":1146.66,"body":"they're stressed out. But this"},{"startTime":1146.66,"endTime":1151.88,"body":"is where it takes some time."},{"startTime":1146.66,"endTime":1151.88,"body":"Sometimes it takes processing,"},{"startTime":1151.88,"endTime":1156.32,"body":"sometimes, sometimes an"},{"startTime":1151.88,"endTime":1156.32,"body":"awareness of ourselves to be"},{"startTime":1156.32,"endTime":1160.46,"body":"able to ask for what we need."},{"startTime":1156.32,"endTime":1160.46,"body":"And sometimes just an"},{"startTime":1160.49,"endTime":1164.72,"body":"observation, or that"},{"startTime":1160.49,"endTime":1164.72,"body":"communication of saying, Hey,"},{"startTime":1164.78,"endTime":1169.1,"body":"would you like a hug? He didn't"},{"startTime":1164.78,"endTime":1169.1,"body":"know when I asked him that night"},{"startTime":1169.1,"endTime":1172.4,"body":"before what would be helpful,"},{"startTime":1169.1,"endTime":1172.4,"body":"even though we talked all about"},{"startTime":1172.4,"endTime":1175.49,"body":"this, like, what our love"},{"startTime":1172.4,"endTime":1175.49,"body":"language was, he didn't know he"},{"startTime":1175.49,"endTime":1178.01,"body":"didn't know what he needed. It"},{"startTime":1175.49,"endTime":1178.01,"body":"was only until I gave him the"},{"startTime":1178.01,"endTime":1183.38,"body":"hug that he was like, oh, yeah,"},{"startTime":1178.01,"endTime":1183.38,"body":"that was that's what I needed."},{"startTime":1184.73,"endTime":1188.99,"body":"Sometimes we just don't know. So"},{"startTime":1184.73,"endTime":1188.99,"body":"yes, this can be a helpful tool"},{"startTime":1189.05,"endTime":1194.51,"body":"in noticing in processing. Oh,"},{"startTime":1189.05,"endTime":1194.51,"body":"I've hit an impasse. I want to"},{"startTime":1194.51,"endTime":1197.24,"body":"show up. I don't know how to"},{"startTime":1194.51,"endTime":1197.24,"body":"show up. Oh, what do I know"},{"startTime":1197.24,"endTime":1200.96,"body":"about this person? Here's a way"},{"startTime":1197.24,"endTime":1200.96,"body":"that I could show up. Right, or"},{"startTime":1201.71,"endTime":1204.74,"body":"I don't know what I need, I'm"},{"startTime":1201.71,"endTime":1204.74,"body":"feeling overwhelmed that here's"},{"startTime":1204.74,"endTime":1208.01,"body":"what I know about myself,"},{"startTime":1204.74,"endTime":1208.01,"body":"because I did this exploration"},{"startTime":1208.01,"endTime":1213.59,"body":"work. And so let me ask for"},{"startTime":1208.01,"endTime":1213.59,"body":"this. Or maybe it's about self"},{"startTime":1213.59,"endTime":1218.78,"body":"love. And oh, let me give myself"},{"startTime":1213.59,"endTime":1218.78,"body":"this. So taking a moment to"},{"startTime":1218.78,"endTime":1222.83,"body":"reflect on like, what do you"},{"startTime":1218.78,"endTime":1222.83,"body":"tend to do when you want to show"},{"startTime":1222.83,"endTime":1228.47,"body":"someone you care? That might be"},{"startTime":1222.83,"endTime":1228.47,"body":"a hint at what your love"},{"startTime":1228.47,"endTime":1234.26,"body":"languages, when do you feel most"},{"startTime":1228.47,"endTime":1234.26,"body":"seen, loved cared for? That"},{"startTime":1234.26,"endTime":1240.32,"body":"might be a hint at a love"},{"startTime":1234.26,"endTime":1240.32,"body":"language at something that is a"},{"startTime":1240.32,"endTime":1242.99,"body":"pattern for you. So I want to"},{"startTime":1240.32,"endTime":1242.99,"body":"take it out of the love language"},{"startTime":1242.99,"endTime":1246.95,"body":"context real quick and just say,"},{"startTime":1242.99,"endTime":1246.95,"body":"notice the patterns, taking a"},{"startTime":1246.95,"endTime":1250.22,"body":"pause to notice the patterns,"},{"startTime":1246.95,"endTime":1250.22,"body":"whether you can fit it in a love"},{"startTime":1250.22,"endTime":1254.45,"body":"language box or not, you know,"},{"startTime":1250.22,"endTime":1254.45,"body":"love languages, again, they can"},{"startTime":1254.45,"endTime":1258.95,"body":"be helpful if they apply to you."},{"startTime":1254.45,"endTime":1258.95,"body":"But as we can recall from just"},{"startTime":1258.95,"endTime":1263.84,"body":"earlier when I mentioned that"},{"startTime":1258.95,"endTime":1263.84,"body":"this is rooted in a Christian"},{"startTime":1263.84,"endTime":1270.71,"body":"western context, so it might not"},{"startTime":1263.84,"endTime":1270.71,"body":"be your thing, these may not"},{"startTime":1270.71,"endTime":1273.32,"body":"apply to you, you may find"},{"startTime":1270.71,"endTime":1273.32,"body":"something else to be more"},{"startTime":1273.32,"endTime":1276.56,"body":"helpful, I personally have found"},{"startTime":1273.32,"endTime":1276.56,"body":"that looking at some of the"},{"startTime":1276.98,"endTime":1282.74,"body":"areas of influence in my life to"},{"startTime":1276.98,"endTime":1282.74,"body":"be more to the point more"},{"startTime":1282.74,"endTime":1289.13,"body":"helpful in some respects, like"},{"startTime":1282.74,"endTime":1289.13,"body":"physical, mental, spiritual,"},{"startTime":1289.22,"endTime":1292.07,"body":"emotional, social,"},{"startTime":1289.22,"endTime":1292.07,"body":"environmental, to break it down"},{"startTime":1292.07,"endTime":1296.84,"body":"into those six areas of"},{"startTime":1292.07,"endTime":1296.84,"body":"energetic influence, that can"},{"startTime":1296.84,"endTime":1301.76,"body":"often help point me toward where"},{"startTime":1296.84,"endTime":1301.76,"body":"I feel a lack. And where I need"},{"startTime":1301.76,"endTime":1305.09,"body":"to do some nurturing whether it"},{"startTime":1301.76,"endTime":1305.09,"body":"is for myself, or in"},{"startTime":1305.09,"endTime":1309.47,"body":"communication with another"},{"startTime":1305.09,"endTime":1309.47,"body":"person. So again, if this is a"},{"startTime":1309.47,"endTime":1314.36,"body":"helpful tool for you, by all"},{"startTime":1309.47,"endTime":1314.36,"body":"means, use it. If it is a way to"},{"startTime":1314.36,"endTime":1319.49,"body":"get an in to having a deeper"},{"startTime":1314.36,"endTime":1319.49,"body":"conversation with a partner or a"},{"startTime":1319.52,"endTime":1325.46,"body":"colleague or a friend, by all"},{"startTime":1319.52,"endTime":1325.46,"body":"means use it. If it is not, and"},{"startTime":1325.46,"endTime":1329.96,"body":"it feels complicated, it feels"},{"startTime":1325.46,"endTime":1329.96,"body":"forced, put it down, it's not"},{"startTime":1329.96,"endTime":1333.44,"body":"necessary, just because so many"},{"startTime":1329.96,"endTime":1333.44,"body":"people are talking about it and"},{"startTime":1333.44,"endTime":1336.26,"body":"utilizing it doesn't mean that"},{"startTime":1333.44,"endTime":1336.26,"body":"it is the right tool for you."},{"startTime":1337.88,"endTime":1343.88,"body":"And again, it's not static, it"},{"startTime":1337.88,"endTime":1343.88,"body":"can change over time. So as you"},{"startTime":1343.88,"endTime":1349.91,"body":"heal, as your life circumstances"},{"startTime":1343.88,"endTime":1349.91,"body":"change, you may find that should"},{"startTime":1349.91,"endTime":1353.99,"body":"you be using this as a tool that"},{"startTime":1349.91,"endTime":1353.99,"body":"it has changed. And that can be"},{"startTime":1353.99,"endTime":1357.5,"body":"true for a partner as well. For"},{"startTime":1353.99,"endTime":1357.5,"body":"example, I had a client who"},{"startTime":1357.5,"endTime":1362.09,"body":"loved being acknowledged and"},{"startTime":1357.5,"endTime":1362.09,"body":"getting thanks. And their spouse"},{"startTime":1362.15,"endTime":1365.03,"body":"had to just work to learn how to"},{"startTime":1362.15,"endTime":1365.03,"body":"say thank you and express"},{"startTime":1365.03,"endTime":1369.05,"body":"gratitude for all the things"},{"startTime":1365.03,"endTime":1369.05,"body":"that they were doing. Now that"},{"startTime":1369.05,"endTime":1373.97,"body":"they have kids, acts of service"},{"startTime":1369.05,"endTime":1373.97,"body":"is way more of a priority than"},{"startTime":1373.97,"endTime":1378.8,"body":"just thank you thank you starts"},{"startTime":1373.97,"endTime":1378.8,"body":"to feel like it's not actually"},{"startTime":1378.8,"endTime":1385.13,"body":"meaningful anymore. And helping"},{"startTime":1378.8,"endTime":1385.13,"body":"out and showing up. And doing"},{"startTime":1385.13,"endTime":1388.16,"body":"those acts of service without"},{"startTime":1385.13,"endTime":1388.16,"body":"being asked feels a lot more"},{"startTime":1388.16,"endTime":1392.15,"body":"meaningful. And as a lot more"},{"startTime":1388.16,"endTime":1392.15,"body":"important. So you may find that"},{"startTime":1392.15,"endTime":1397.13,"body":"as you do work in one area, you"},{"startTime":1392.15,"endTime":1397.13,"body":"have less need in that area,"},{"startTime":1397.13,"endTime":1401.96,"body":"that area has less emphasis, and"},{"startTime":1397.13,"endTime":1401.96,"body":"another area has more emphasis."},{"startTime":1401.96,"endTime":1408.08,"body":"So continuing conversation. This"},{"startTime":1401.96,"endTime":1408.08,"body":"is true, as you look at self"},{"startTime":1408.08,"endTime":1412.97,"body":"love. So some reflections that"},{"startTime":1408.08,"endTime":1412.97,"body":"you might give yourself around"},{"startTime":1412.97,"endTime":1417.17,"body":"this idea of self love is"},{"startTime":1412.97,"endTime":1417.17,"body":"whether you apply this tool or"},{"startTime":1417.2,"endTime":1421.7,"body":"another tool, like the areas of"},{"startTime":1417.2,"endTime":1421.7,"body":"energetic influence. Where do"},{"startTime":1421.7,"endTime":1427.28,"body":"you receive love from yourself?"},{"startTime":1421.7,"endTime":1427.28,"body":"Where does that feel good? What"},{"startTime":1427.28,"endTime":1430.73,"body":"do you withhold from yourself"},{"startTime":1427.28,"endTime":1430.73,"body":"when you feel like you haven't"},{"startTime":1430.73,"endTime":1433.64,"body":"done enough? So like, where's"},{"startTime":1430.73,"endTime":1433.64,"body":"that punishment? And again, this"},{"startTime":1433.64,"endTime":1438.17,"body":"can be rooted in childhood"},{"startTime":1433.64,"endTime":1438.17,"body":"stuff. And it can point to areas"},{"startTime":1438.2,"endTime":1442.07,"body":"that need a little extra"},{"startTime":1438.2,"endTime":1442.07,"body":"nurturing. What do you try to"},{"startTime":1442.07,"endTime":1448.31,"body":"fill that void with that can"},{"startTime":1442.07,"endTime":1448.31,"body":"also point to habits of filling"},{"startTime":1448.55,"endTime":1453.74,"body":"a need, that isn't actually"},{"startTime":1448.55,"endTime":1453.74,"body":"working ways that we create kind"},{"startTime":1453.74,"endTime":1456.53,"body":"of addictive behavior because"},{"startTime":1453.74,"endTime":1456.53,"body":"we're trying to feel something"},{"startTime":1456.71,"endTime":1460.67,"body":"and it sort of does it but not"},{"startTime":1456.71,"endTime":1460.67,"body":"really. So that can point to an"},{"startTime":1460.67,"endTime":1465.59,"body":"area where some healing some"},{"startTime":1460.67,"endTime":1465.59,"body":"care may be needed. So like I"},{"startTime":1465.59,"endTime":1470.24,"body":"give myself gifts, you know, so"},{"startTime":1465.59,"endTime":1470.24,"body":"the shopping to fill a void of"},{"startTime":1470.24,"endTime":1474.35,"body":"needing care and a different way"},{"startTime":1470.24,"endTime":1474.35,"body":"that you are maybe withholding"},{"startTime":1474.35,"endTime":1478.46,"body":"from yourself or maybe you"},{"startTime":1474.35,"endTime":1478.46,"body":"aren't allowing in so not just"},{"startTime":1478.46,"endTime":1481.37,"body":"withholding from yourself but"},{"startTime":1478.46,"endTime":1481.37,"body":"being in spaces where you"},{"startTime":1481.37,"endTime":1486.08,"body":"receive that. And again, so"},{"startTime":1481.37,"endTime":1486.08,"body":"looking at how how do these"},{"startTime":1486.08,"endTime":1491.06,"body":"things where you withhold caring"},{"startTime":1486.08,"endTime":1491.06,"body":"for yourself, when you don't"},{"startTime":1491.06,"endTime":1494.84,"body":"feel like you've done enough?"},{"startTime":1491.06,"endTime":1494.84,"body":"What you try and fill that void"},{"startTime":1494.84,"endTime":1501.17,"body":"of need of love of care with and"},{"startTime":1494.84,"endTime":1501.17,"body":"how does that relate? to what"},{"startTime":1501.17,"endTime":1505.64,"body":"you were and weren't given as a"},{"startTime":1501.17,"endTime":1505.64,"body":"child. And then really looking"},{"startTime":1505.64,"endTime":1509.15,"body":"at where do you feel that"},{"startTime":1505.64,"endTime":1509.15,"body":"satisfaction? Or where might you"},{"startTime":1509.15,"endTime":1514.31,"body":"explore creating some"},{"startTime":1509.15,"endTime":1514.31,"body":"satisfaction, some love, some"},{"startTime":1514.31,"endTime":1519.05,"body":"care, some pleasure in your"},{"startTime":1514.31,"endTime":1519.05,"body":"life, where might you start to"},{"startTime":1519.05,"endTime":1524.24,"body":"allow that in. So reflecting"},{"startTime":1519.05,"endTime":1524.24,"body":"back on the last episode,"},{"startTime":1524.54,"endTime":1528.35,"body":"talking about intimacy and"},{"startTime":1524.54,"endTime":1528.35,"body":"pleasure that has a lot of great"},{"startTime":1528.35,"endTime":1533.27,"body":"nuggets around that idea of"},{"startTime":1528.35,"endTime":1533.27,"body":"receiving love. So taking a look"},{"startTime":1533.27,"endTime":1536.96,"body":"at that, whether it is using"},{"startTime":1533.27,"endTime":1536.96,"body":"this as a tool to help you"},{"startTime":1537.35,"endTime":1541.82,"body":"explore because again, it is"},{"startTime":1537.35,"endTime":1541.82,"body":"simple, and that is part of I"},{"startTime":1541.82,"endTime":1545.39,"body":"think, why it is so popular and"},{"startTime":1541.82,"endTime":1545.39,"body":"why people gravitate towards it"},{"startTime":1545.39,"endTime":1548.06,"body":"is because when you feel"},{"startTime":1545.39,"endTime":1548.06,"body":"overwhelmed with things like"},{"startTime":1548.39,"endTime":1552.26,"body":"care and love and the idea of of"},{"startTime":1548.39,"endTime":1552.26,"body":"doing that kind of nurturing,"},{"startTime":1552.53,"endTime":1555.68,"body":"and engaging that conversation,"},{"startTime":1552.53,"endTime":1555.68,"body":"when you have a disconnect with"},{"startTime":1555.68,"endTime":1559.88,"body":"yourself and possibly with a"},{"startTime":1555.68,"endTime":1559.88,"body":"partner, having something simple"},{"startTime":1559.88,"endTime":1565.1,"body":"to tie to, to explore with can"},{"startTime":1559.88,"endTime":1565.1,"body":"really make a huge difference."},{"startTime":1565.85,"endTime":1571.37,"body":"So tips on using the Five Love"},{"startTime":1565.85,"endTime":1571.37,"body":"Languages model is if you need"},{"startTime":1571.37,"endTime":1575.9,"body":"something to simplify, this is a"},{"startTime":1571.37,"endTime":1575.9,"body":"way that you can simplify. It's"},{"startTime":1575.9,"endTime":1581.15,"body":"a tool for communication, use it"},{"startTime":1575.9,"endTime":1581.15,"body":"to support you thinking outside"},{"startTime":1581.15,"endTime":1585.08,"body":"of the golden rule, and asking"},{"startTime":1581.15,"endTime":1585.08,"body":"other people what they need,"},{"startTime":1585.08,"endTime":1588.62,"body":"instead of assuming that they"},{"startTime":1585.08,"endTime":1588.62,"body":"need the same thing that you do,"},{"startTime":1589.37,"endTime":1592.91,"body":"or assuming what they would need"},{"startTime":1589.37,"endTime":1592.91,"body":"because you think you would need"},{"startTime":1592.94,"endTime":1597.35,"body":"something in that situation. And"},{"startTime":1592.94,"endTime":1597.35,"body":"then also asking for what you"},{"startTime":1597.35,"endTime":1603.23,"body":"need. Use it as a way to help"},{"startTime":1597.35,"endTime":1603.23,"body":"you simplify to communicate if"},{"startTime":1603.5,"endTime":1607.82,"body":"trying to communicate more"},{"startTime":1603.5,"endTime":1607.82,"body":"detailed, feels a little too"},{"startTime":1607.82,"endTime":1611.69,"body":"overwhelming yet, though, I"},{"startTime":1607.82,"endTime":1611.69,"body":"would encourage you don't stop"},{"startTime":1611.69,"endTime":1617.18,"body":"there. Allow yourself to go"},{"startTime":1611.69,"endTime":1617.18,"body":"deeper as you find it easier to"},{"startTime":1617.21,"endTime":1623.0,"body":"tap into what your needs are."},{"startTime":1617.21,"endTime":1623.0,"body":"And exploring with a loved one."},{"startTime":1623.54,"endTime":1627.02,"body":"These concepts can deepen your"},{"startTime":1623.54,"endTime":1627.02,"body":"communication, and as I"},{"startTime":1627.02,"endTime":1631.61,"body":"mentioned, give you shortcut"},{"startTime":1627.02,"endTime":1631.61,"body":"codes. There are other tools out"},{"startTime":1631.61,"endTime":1635.45,"body":"there that you might find"},{"startTime":1631.61,"endTime":1635.45,"body":"helpful, I actually created one,"},{"startTime":1635.48,"endTime":1643.28,"body":"again, empirical evidence using"},{"startTime":1635.48,"endTime":1643.28,"body":"a wheel concept of this mental,"},{"startTime":1643.28,"endTime":1649.82,"body":"physical, emotional spiritual to"},{"startTime":1643.28,"endTime":1649.82,"body":"address stress release"},{"startTime":1649.85,"endTime":1653.3,"body":"strategies, because again, we"},{"startTime":1649.85,"endTime":1653.3,"body":"don't all process stress the"},{"startTime":1653.3,"endTime":1656.69,"body":"same way I have a whole episode"},{"startTime":1653.3,"endTime":1656.69,"body":"talking about stress release"},{"startTime":1656.69,"endTime":1661.04,"body":"strategies. I call it stress"},{"startTime":1656.69,"endTime":1661.04,"body":"languages. Because again, it has"},{"startTime":1661.04,"endTime":1666.08,"body":"to do with how we communicate."},{"startTime":1661.04,"endTime":1666.08,"body":"Having a shared language, having"},{"startTime":1666.08,"endTime":1670.64,"body":"a way to articulate to process"},{"startTime":1666.08,"endTime":1670.64,"body":"something that we unfortunately"},{"startTime":1670.64,"endTime":1675.68,"body":"aren't given a lot of tools for,"},{"startTime":1670.64,"endTime":1675.68,"body":"as young people can help us"},{"startTime":1675.68,"endTime":1680.51,"body":"start to tap into those needs"},{"startTime":1675.68,"endTime":1680.51,"body":"that we have. Another great tool"},{"startTime":1680.51,"endTime":1686.54,"body":"is an emotions wheel. And just"},{"startTime":1680.51,"endTime":1686.54,"body":"having those emotions listed out"},{"startTime":1686.54,"endTime":1689.9,"body":"for you to be able to say this"},{"startTime":1686.54,"endTime":1689.9,"body":"is how I'm feeling. And get in"},{"startTime":1689.9,"endTime":1693.14,"body":"touch with those feelings can be"},{"startTime":1689.9,"endTime":1693.14,"body":"really helpful too. And I'll"},{"startTime":1693.14,"endTime":1695.99,"body":"have one of those linked in the"},{"startTime":1693.14,"endTime":1695.99,"body":"show notes as well. I have a"},{"startTime":1695.99,"endTime":1699.56,"body":"training on the stress relief"},{"startTime":1695.99,"endTime":1699.56,"body":"strategies, if stress seems to"},{"startTime":1699.56,"endTime":1701.84,"body":"be the thing that's dominating"},{"startTime":1699.56,"endTime":1701.84,"body":"for you, because sometimes it"},{"startTime":1701.84,"endTime":1705.47,"body":"can be hard to get to the love"},{"startTime":1701.84,"endTime":1705.47,"body":"part, when we're overwhelmed by"},{"startTime":1705.47,"endTime":1711.83,"body":"the stress and survival mode"},{"startTime":1705.47,"endTime":1711.83,"body":"part. So all of these ways of"},{"startTime":1711.83,"endTime":1717.62,"body":"conceptualizing are tools in our"},{"startTime":1711.83,"endTime":1717.62,"body":"communication toolbox. And it is"},{"startTime":1717.62,"endTime":1722.3,"body":"important to use them if they're"},{"startTime":1717.62,"endTime":1722.3,"body":"helpful, and let them go if"},{"startTime":1722.3,"endTime":1725.57,"body":"they're not. So, one thing I"},{"startTime":1722.3,"endTime":1725.57,"body":"hope that you will take away"},{"startTime":1725.57,"endTime":1729.47,"body":"from this is if this tool"},{"startTime":1725.57,"endTime":1729.47,"body":"doesn't work for you, even"},{"startTime":1729.47,"endTime":1732.95,"body":"though so many people are"},{"startTime":1729.47,"endTime":1732.95,"body":"talking about it, it's okay."},{"startTime":1732.98,"endTime":1736.31,"body":"It's not that something's wrong"},{"startTime":1732.98,"endTime":1736.31,"body":"with you. It's not that you're"},{"startTime":1736.31,"endTime":1739.82,"body":"missing something, it just may"},{"startTime":1736.31,"endTime":1739.82,"body":"not be a tool for you. There are"},{"startTime":1739.82,"endTime":1746.06,"body":"other tools out there. And you"},{"startTime":1739.82,"endTime":1746.06,"body":"are worth finding the thing that"},{"startTime":1746.06,"endTime":1749.66,"body":"works for you, rather than"},{"startTime":1746.06,"endTime":1749.66,"body":"trying to fit yourself into"},{"startTime":1749.66,"endTime":1754.97,"body":"something that works for"},{"startTime":1749.66,"endTime":1754.97,"body":"somebody else. That is what I"},{"startTime":1754.97,"endTime":1760.88,"body":"specialize in is helping people"},{"startTime":1754.97,"endTime":1760.88,"body":"access what works for them, and"},{"startTime":1760.91,"endTime":1766.67,"body":"utilize those things to improve"},{"startTime":1760.91,"endTime":1766.67,"body":"life, to enjoy life more to"},{"startTime":1766.67,"endTime":1771.8,"body":"access, more pleasure, more joy,"},{"startTime":1766.67,"endTime":1771.8,"body":"more purpose, more fulfillment."},{"startTime":1773.33,"endTime":1777.29,"body":"That is what I help people do is"},{"startTime":1773.33,"endTime":1777.29,"body":"cut through all the crap and"},{"startTime":1777.29,"endTime":1782.66,"body":"really hear what their needs"},{"startTime":1777.29,"endTime":1782.66,"body":"are, and be able to start"},{"startTime":1782.66,"endTime":1787.73,"body":"building toward bringing more of"},{"startTime":1782.66,"endTime":1787.73,"body":"that in. So if that's something"},{"startTime":1787.73,"endTime":1791.18,"body":"you're looking for, I encourage"},{"startTime":1787.73,"endTime":1791.18,"body":"you to get on an exploration"},{"startTime":1791.18,"endTime":1794.9,"body":"call with me. There's a link in"},{"startTime":1791.18,"endTime":1794.9,"body":"the show notes to my calendar."},{"startTime":1795.41,"endTime":1798.5,"body":"You can just schedule a call it"},{"startTime":1795.41,"endTime":1798.5,"body":"is free and we can talk about"},{"startTime":1798.5,"endTime":1800.75,"body":"what's going on for you and see"},{"startTime":1798.5,"endTime":1800.75,"body":"if we're good fit to work"},{"startTime":1800.75,"endTime":1806.39,"body":"together. There is never any"},{"startTime":1800.75,"endTime":1806.39,"body":"pressure. I am here for your"},{"startTime":1806.39,"endTime":1809.18,"body":"support. So if we're not a good"},{"startTime":1806.39,"endTime":1809.18,"body":"fit, I will give you some"},{"startTime":1809.18,"endTime":1812.81,"body":"referrals if you are looking for"},{"startTime":1809.18,"endTime":1812.81,"body":"them, maybe some tools that you"},{"startTime":1812.81,"endTime":1815.21,"body":"can access. Again, if you are"},{"startTime":1812.81,"endTime":1815.21,"body":"looking just for some free"},{"startTime":1815.21,"endTime":1819.68,"body":"tools, I have a bunch of them on"},{"startTime":1815.21,"endTime":1819.68,"body":"my website. So definitely go"},{"startTime":1819.68,"endTime":1823.01,"body":"check those out, including one"},{"startTime":1819.68,"endTime":1823.01,"body":"for couples that helps with"},{"startTime":1823.01,"endTime":1828.47,"body":"building alignment. So all of"},{"startTime":1823.01,"endTime":1828.47,"body":"that is available to you right"},{"startTime":1828.47,"endTime":1832.07,"body":"now. I hope you found this"},{"startTime":1828.47,"endTime":1832.07,"body":"helpful. I've been talking about"},{"startTime":1832.07,"endTime":1836.72,"body":"doing it for a while. So here it"},{"startTime":1832.07,"endTime":1836.72,"body":"is. Finally, Five Love Languages"},{"startTime":1836.72,"endTime":1841.4,"body":"my take. If you have questions,"},{"startTime":1836.72,"endTime":1841.4,"body":"I encourage you to reach out if"},{"startTime":1841.4,"endTime":1844.19,"body":"you have comments, I encourage"},{"startTime":1841.4,"endTime":1844.19,"body":"you to reach out I do love to"},{"startTime":1844.19,"endTime":1848.06,"body":"hear from you. And I will talk"},{"startTime":1844.19,"endTime":1848.06,"body":"to you all next time. Thanks for"},{"startTime":1848.06,"endTime":1851.0,"body":"listening. I so appreciate you"},{"startTime":1848.06,"endTime":1851.0,"body":"being here. If you got something"},{"startTime":1851.0,"endTime":1853.88,"body":"out of today's episode, please"},{"startTime":1851.0,"endTime":1853.88,"body":"share it. Leave me a review,"},{"startTime":1853.91,"endTime":1857.24,"body":"take a screenshot and posted on"},{"startTime":1853.91,"endTime":1857.24,"body":"social with a shout out to me."},{"startTime":1857.48,"endTime":1861.92,"body":"Send it to a friend or you know"},{"startTime":1857.48,"endTime":1861.92,"body":"all of the above. Want to hang"},{"startTime":1861.92,"endTime":1865.67,"body":"out more join me on Instagram,"},{"startTime":1861.92,"endTime":1865.67,"body":"or better yet, get on my mailing"},{"startTime":1865.67,"endTime":1869.48,"body":"list to make sure you don't miss"},{"startTime":1865.67,"endTime":1869.48,"body":"out on anything. And remember,"},{"startTime":1869.75,"endTime":1873.5,"body":"your possibilities are as"},{"startTime":1869.75,"endTime":1873.5,"body":"unlimited as you are. Allow"},{"startTime":1873.5,"endTime":1877.13,"body":"yourself to shine my friend. The"},{"startTime":1873.5,"endTime":1877.13,"body":"world needs your light. See you"},{"startTime":1877.13,"endTime":1877.73,"body":"next time."}]}