{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":0.18,"endTime":3.036,"body":"Hello, my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":0.18,"endTime":3.036,"body":"friends, and welcome to another"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":3.105,"endTime":7.215,"body":"episode of unlimited today, we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":3.105,"endTime":7.215,"body":"are talking about realigning"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":7.285,"endTime":11.186,"body":"your core values, which is a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":7.285,"endTime":11.186,"body":"repurposing of the episode."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":11.255,"endTime":15.574,"body":"Shift from drained to motivated."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":11.255,"endTime":15.574,"body":"From season two, I decided to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":15.644,"endTime":19.684,"body":"bring this episode forward again"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":15.644,"endTime":19.684,"body":"for a few reasons. One is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":19.754,"endTime":23.933,"body":"because it comes up frequently"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":19.754,"endTime":23.933,"body":"and has come up several times"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":24.003,"endTime":27.973,"body":"recently when talking about"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":24.003,"endTime":27.973,"body":"values, because values are so"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":28.043,"endTime":31.805,"body":"important. So I figured we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":28.043,"endTime":31.805,"body":"should talk about it again."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":31.874,"endTime":36.263,"body":"Another is because we are in a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":31.874,"endTime":36.263,"body":"time of change, and that invites"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":36.332,"endTime":40.442,"body":"us to really look at our part,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":36.332,"endTime":40.442,"body":"how we're leading in our own"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":40.512,"endTime":44.692,"body":"lives, and the impact we're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":40.512,"endTime":44.692,"body":"having in the world in a time of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":44.761,"endTime":48.732,"body":"change, that means values"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":44.761,"endTime":48.732,"body":"shifting. And I talk about this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":48.801,"endTime":53.051,"body":"in my episode about societal"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":48.801,"endTime":53.051,"body":"change. 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We tend to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":90.875,"endTime":94.916,"body":"function off of our brains,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":90.875,"endTime":94.916,"body":"putting things into categories"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":94.985,"endTime":99.165,"body":"and then feeding us a charge,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":94.985,"endTime":99.165,"body":"usually a hormone that relates"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":99.235,"endTime":102.996,"body":"to a feeling that then"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":99.235,"endTime":102.996,"body":"influences our behavior, and we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":103.066,"endTime":107.315,"body":"usually have stories around all"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":103.066,"endTime":107.315,"body":"of those parts, but we're not"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":107.385,"endTime":111.355,"body":"necessarily conscious of the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":107.385,"endTime":111.355,"body":"initial brain bucketing, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":111.425,"endTime":115.744,"body":"this is where stuck happens. The"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":111.425,"endTime":115.744,"body":"problem that comes up is that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":115.813,"endTime":119.645,"body":"sometimes our subconscious"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":115.813,"endTime":119.645,"body":"condition values are running"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":119.714,"endTime":124.033,"body":"into our conscious, intentional"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":119.714,"endTime":124.033,"body":"values and creating resistance"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":124.103,"endTime":128.561,"body":"which blocks your ability to be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":124.103,"endTime":128.561,"body":"expansive and show up fully, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":128.631,"endTime":132.81,"body":"of course, in alignment with"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":128.631,"endTime":132.81,"body":"what you say you believe in and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":132.88,"endTime":136.99,"body":"what you say you want, gaining"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":132.88,"endTime":136.99,"body":"clarity around our layers of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":137.059,"endTime":141.448,"body":"motivation can help with this."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":137.059,"endTime":141.448,"body":"Can help with the stuck and also"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":141.518,"endTime":145.767,"body":"help with our alignment in how"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":141.518,"endTime":145.767,"body":"we are showing up. Exploration"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":145.836,"endTime":149.946,"body":"of values tends to be a big part"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":145.836,"endTime":149.946,"body":"of the work that I do with"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":150.016,"endTime":153.847,"body":"clients, and yes, even when"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":150.016,"endTime":153.847,"body":"they've already done values"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":153.917,"endTime":158.027,"body":"work, because often with values"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":153.917,"endTime":158.027,"body":"work, the focus has been on"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":158.096,"endTime":162.137,"body":"choosing conscious values,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":158.096,"endTime":162.137,"body":"rather than on the relationship"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":162.206,"endTime":166.316,"body":"to their current values and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":162.206,"endTime":166.316,"body":"current programming. Additional"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":166.386,"endTime":170.705,"body":"to that is that there's always"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":166.386,"endTime":170.705,"body":"more to explore as we go along."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":170.774,"endTime":174.745,"body":"We have shifts, and we gain"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":170.774,"endTime":174.745,"body":"awareness pieces, and we make"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":174.814,"endTime":178.646,"body":"decisions, and so with that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":174.814,"endTime":178.646,"body":"exploration, we have deeper"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":178.715,"endTime":182.756,"body":"layers to dig into, and there"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":178.715,"endTime":182.756,"body":"are questions that we may be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":182.825,"endTime":186.587,"body":"asked that relate not just to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":182.825,"endTime":186.587,"body":"our own belief system in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":186.657,"endTime":190.557,"body":"individuals, but also to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":186.657,"endTime":190.557,"body":"awarenesses around the societal"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":190.627,"endTime":194.946,"body":"norms that we swim in, just like"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":190.627,"endTime":194.946,"body":"you know that whole saying of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":195.016,"endTime":199.265,"body":"the frog that passes the fish"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":195.016,"endTime":199.265,"body":"and says, Oh, the water is nice"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":199.334,"endTime":203.444,"body":"today. And the fish asks, What's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":199.334,"endTime":203.444,"body":"water? It's hard to notice"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":203.514,"endTime":207.485,"body":"what's continuously being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":203.514,"endTime":207.485,"body":"normalized around you, and yes,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":207.554,"endTime":211.385,"body":"even when it's harmful to you,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":207.554,"endTime":211.385,"body":"but especially when it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":211.455,"endTime":215.495,"body":"benefiting you and harmful to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":211.455,"endTime":215.495,"body":"others, or benefiting you in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":215.565,"endTime":219.466,"body":"some ways, even though it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":215.565,"endTime":219.466,"body":"harming you in some ways and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":219.536,"endTime":223.854,"body":"harming others, it's a big mess,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":219.536,"endTime":223.854,"body":"and in a time of change, is a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":223.924,"endTime":228.173,"body":"great opportunity, as I said, to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":223.924,"endTime":228.173,"body":"notice these things, because"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":228.243,"endTime":232.562,"body":"values are what motivate us. You"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":228.243,"endTime":232.562,"body":"can often notice them through"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":232.631,"endTime":236.95,"body":"the patterns in your life and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":232.631,"endTime":236.95,"body":"through the patterns in society,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":237.02,"endTime":241.13,"body":"but particularly how those play"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":237.02,"endTime":241.13,"body":"out in your own life, where"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":241.199,"endTime":245.379,"body":"you've internalized things. You"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":241.199,"endTime":245.379,"body":"do what you do for a reason."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":245.449,"endTime":249.559,"body":"There's something that you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":245.449,"endTime":249.559,"body":"honoring, and that's why just"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":249.628,"endTime":253.668,"body":"saying stop it or just do this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":249.628,"endTime":253.668,"body":"other thing instead doesn't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":253.738,"endTime":257.987,"body":"work, because there's a reason"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":253.738,"endTime":257.987,"body":"that you're doing the thing in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":258.057,"endTime":262.445,"body":"the first place. So if you can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":258.057,"endTime":262.445,"body":"find the value that's motivating"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":262.515,"endTime":266.973,"body":"that thing, then you may be able"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":262.515,"endTime":266.973,"body":"to find a new way to honor that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":267.043,"endTime":271.292,"body":"value that aligns better with"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":267.043,"endTime":271.292,"body":"the person that you want to be,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":271.362,"endTime":275.541,"body":"the life that you want to live,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":271.362,"endTime":275.541,"body":"and the way that you want to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":275.611,"endTime":279.512,"body":"impact the world. So in this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":275.611,"endTime":279.512,"body":"episode, I engage five core"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":279.582,"endTime":283.9,"body":"conditioned values that I have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":279.582,"endTime":283.9,"body":"noticed that frequently come up"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":283.97,"endTime":288.359,"body":"over the years, including now,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":283.97,"endTime":288.359,"body":"not just when this was initially"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":288.428,"endTime":292.677,"body":"recorded, but it still comes up."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":288.428,"endTime":292.677,"body":"So I offer these in order to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":292.747,"endTime":296.718,"body":"give you an example of unpack."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":292.747,"endTime":296.718,"body":"And realigning your values"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":296.787,"endTime":300.34,"body":"relationship. The values that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":296.787,"endTime":300.34,"body":"I'm talking about are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":300.41,"endTime":304.102,"body":"responsibility, reliability,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":300.41,"endTime":304.102,"body":"respect, achievement and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":304.171,"endTime":308.351,"body":"discipline. We're also talking"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":304.171,"endTime":308.351,"body":"about differentiating between"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":308.42,"endTime":312.182,"body":"internalized values and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":308.42,"endTime":312.182,"body":"intentional, conscious values."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":312.252,"endTime":316.083,"body":"How to align your values with"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":312.252,"endTime":316.083,"body":"your desired way of being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":316.153,"endTime":320.332,"body":"engaging values to improve the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":316.153,"endTime":320.332,"body":"quality and sustainability of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":320.402,"endTime":324.163,"body":"your motivation, and, of course,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":320.402,"endTime":324.163,"body":"the values of Valerie"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":324.233,"endTime":328.273,"body":"Friedlander coaching and how"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":324.233,"endTime":328.273,"body":"they've shifted since I first"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":328.343,"endTime":332.522,"body":"recorded this episode, one key"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":328.343,"endTime":332.522,"body":"concern that comes up in this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":332.592,"endTime":336.493,"body":"episode that I mention as a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":332.592,"endTime":336.493,"body":"common undercurrent with the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":336.563,"endTime":340.812,"body":"five values that I'm looking at"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":336.563,"endTime":340.812,"body":"is the fear of letting people"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":340.881,"endTime":345.34,"body":"down. I didn't address it in my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":340.881,"endTime":345.34,"body":"original episode, and I won't go"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":345.409,"endTime":349.171,"body":"deeply into it here, but I do"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":345.409,"endTime":349.171,"body":"want to acknowledge that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":349.241,"endTime":353.141,"body":"disappointment is an extremely"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":349.241,"endTime":353.141,"body":"difficult emotion. It's a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":353.211,"endTime":357.53,"body":"feeling of loss, highlighting an"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":353.211,"endTime":357.53,"body":"uncomfortable or even painful"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":357.6,"endTime":362.127,"body":"gap between our expectations and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":357.6,"endTime":362.127,"body":"reality. It is irrelevant if our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":362.197,"endTime":366.168,"body":"expectations were reasonable or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":362.197,"endTime":366.168,"body":"not, or if other people's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":366.237,"endTime":370.208,"body":"expectations are reasonable or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":366.237,"endTime":370.208,"body":"not. It's still there that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":370.278,"endTime":374.178,"body":"emotion still goes off in a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":370.278,"endTime":374.178,"body":"society with supremacist and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":374.248,"endTime":378.358,"body":"authoritarian dynamics and a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":374.248,"endTime":378.358,"body":"deficit of emotional awareness"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":378.428,"endTime":382.189,"body":"and regulation ability,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":378.428,"endTime":382.189,"body":"disappointing others can quite"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":382.259,"endTime":386.508,"body":"literally, be dangerous. This"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":382.259,"endTime":386.508,"body":"fear is often internalized at a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":386.578,"endTime":390.757,"body":"young age and is tied to the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":386.578,"endTime":390.757,"body":"conditioning of certain values,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":390.827,"endTime":395.076,"body":"including these five that I'm"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":390.827,"endTime":395.076,"body":"talking about, particularly for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":395.146,"endTime":399.325,"body":"this reason, engaging yourself"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":395.146,"endTime":399.325,"body":"and these patterns with care,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":399.395,"endTime":403.644,"body":"rather than shame, is critical"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":399.395,"endTime":403.644,"body":"to an ability to shift them in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":403.714,"endTime":407.684,"body":"the way you show up to them,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":403.714,"endTime":407.684,"body":"even when we've explored our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":407.754,"endTime":411.934,"body":"values, deeper layers tied to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":407.754,"endTime":411.934,"body":"these societal norms can still"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":412.003,"endTime":415.625,"body":"influence us, and it is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":412.003,"endTime":415.625,"body":"essential to recognize These"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":415.695,"endTime":419.666,"body":"layers to create positive"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":415.695,"endTime":419.666,"body":"changes in our lives, if you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":419.735,"endTime":423.915,"body":"looking for support to shift"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":419.735,"endTime":423.915,"body":"draining patterns in your life,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":423.985,"endTime":427.746,"body":"especially if you've dealt with"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":423.985,"endTime":427.746,"body":"things like toxic work"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":427.816,"endTime":431.299,"body":"environments or work"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":427.816,"endTime":431.299,"body":"environments that didn't have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":431.368,"endTime":435.827,"body":"healthy balance for you, or any"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":431.368,"endTime":435.827,"body":"of these spaces that magnify the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":435.896,"endTime":439.727,"body":"norms, let's chat. It really"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":435.896,"endTime":439.727,"body":"makes a difference to have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":439.797,"endTime":444.186,"body":"someone who can help you dig in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":439.797,"endTime":444.186,"body":"to go further than you realize."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":444.255,"endTime":448.783,"body":"So if that's of interest, grab a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":444.255,"endTime":448.783,"body":"free session. The link is in the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":448.853,"endTime":453.241,"body":"show notes, and of course, it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":448.853,"endTime":453.241,"body":"on my website, and I would love"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":453.311,"endTime":457.7,"body":"to support you. So now, without"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":453.311,"endTime":457.7,"body":"further ado, let's get started."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":457.7,"endTime":461.096,"body":"Hey there. I'm Valerie"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":457.7,"endTime":461.096,"body":"Friedlander, Certified Life"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":461.164,"endTime":465.307,"body":"business alignment coach, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":461.164,"endTime":465.307,"body":"this is unlimited. This podcast"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":465.375,"endTime":469.111,"body":"bridges the individual and the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":465.375,"endTime":469.111,"body":"societal, scientific and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":469.179,"endTime":472.914,"body":"spiritual, positive and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":469.179,"endTime":472.914,"body":"negative, nerdy and no, there's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":472.982,"endTime":476.99,"body":"just a lot of nerdy. Come on"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":472.982,"endTime":476.99,"body":"board. And let's unlock a life"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":477.058,"endTime":478.96,"body":"that's as badass as you are."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":487.44,"endTime":491.674,"body":"What are values? They are the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":487.44,"endTime":491.674,"body":"beliefs that you hold about what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":491.742,"endTime":495.909,"body":"is important or desirable. They"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":491.742,"endTime":495.909,"body":"may not be conscious beliefs,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":495.977,"endTime":499.597,"body":"but they are those internal"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":495.977,"endTime":499.597,"body":"driving forces that guide"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":499.665,"endTime":503.695,"body":"decisions that you make, they"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":499.665,"endTime":503.695,"body":"motivate you to do things you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":503.763,"endTime":507.724,"body":"don't do anything without it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":503.763,"endTime":507.724,"body":"being attached to some value,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":507.793,"endTime":511.549,"body":"whether you are conscious of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":507.793,"endTime":511.549,"body":"what value that is or not,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":511.617,"endTime":515.374,"body":"everything that You do is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":511.617,"endTime":515.374,"body":"motivated by a value that you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":515.442,"endTime":519.54,"body":"hold. Sometimes, when you dig"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":515.442,"endTime":519.54,"body":"in, you realize that the value"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":519.608,"endTime":523.57,"body":"that you're honoring is not"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":519.608,"endTime":523.57,"body":"actually a value that you want"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":523.638,"endTime":527.941,"body":"to be honoring, or that you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":523.638,"endTime":527.941,"body":"not honoring it in a way that is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":528.009,"endTime":532.107,"body":"helpful or that you would want"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":528.009,"endTime":532.107,"body":"to honor it. The sociological"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":532.175,"endTime":536.273,"body":"definition of value is an ideal"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":532.175,"endTime":536.273,"body":"or principle that determines"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":536.342,"endTime":540.44,"body":"what is correct, desirable or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":536.342,"endTime":540.44,"body":"morally proper. Now, the study"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":540.508,"endTime":544.674,"body":"of sociology doesn't dictate"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":540.508,"endTime":544.674,"body":"what is a right value or a wrong"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":544.742,"endTime":548.84,"body":"value, or anything judgment"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":544.742,"endTime":548.84,"body":"about the value itself, but what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":548.909,"endTime":552.733,"body":"it does do is study what a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":548.909,"endTime":552.733,"body":"society holds is valuable, or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":552.802,"endTime":556.831,"body":"what values motivate a society"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":552.802,"endTime":556.831,"body":"in a bigger scale, and where"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":556.9,"endTime":561.134,"body":"that might come from and why."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":556.9,"endTime":561.134,"body":"Now that is not to say that that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":561.202,"endTime":565.642,"body":"study is not problematic in some"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":561.202,"endTime":565.642,"body":"cases too, because obviously the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":565.71,"endTime":569.808,"body":"ideas that get generated from"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":565.71,"endTime":569.808,"body":"that are the philosophizing or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":569.876,"endTime":573.906,"body":"what gets studied and how it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":569.876,"endTime":573.906,"body":"gets studied is often directed"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":573.974,"endTime":578.072,"body":"by the people who are in that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":573.974,"endTime":578.072,"body":"space, in that society, and so"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":578.141,"endTime":582.17,"body":"what they choose to study, the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":578.141,"endTime":582.17,"body":"way they choose to study it,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":582.239,"endTime":586.132,"body":"what they choose to focus on,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":582.239,"endTime":586.132,"body":"and what they believe about"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":586.2,"endTime":590.503,"body":"that, or what evidence they pull"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":586.2,"endTime":590.503,"body":"together about that. Belief is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":590.571,"endTime":594.737,"body":"all influenced by those things,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":590.571,"endTime":594.737,"body":"too. Now, if you have someone"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":594.806,"endTime":598.494,"body":"who is doing their work"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":594.806,"endTime":598.494,"body":"diligently, they will disclose"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":598.562,"endTime":602.797,"body":"their own awareness. But hey,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":598.562,"endTime":602.797,"body":"not everybody is all that aware,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":602.865,"endTime":606.826,"body":"as I mentioned in the intro to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":602.865,"endTime":606.826,"body":"this episode, oftentimes we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":606.895,"endTime":610.719,"body":"think we know more than we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":606.895,"endTime":610.719,"body":"actually do, and when we have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":610.788,"endTime":614.749,"body":"someone outside of ourselves"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":610.788,"endTime":614.749,"body":"engage and question and dig a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":614.817,"endTime":618.983,"body":"little bit deeper, we realize"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":614.817,"endTime":618.983,"body":"that there's more there than we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":619.052,"endTime":622.398,"body":"realized. This is very much"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":619.052,"endTime":622.398,"body":"evidenced in a lot of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":622.467,"endTime":626.906,"body":"explorations, especially looking"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":622.467,"endTime":626.906,"body":"at and tying together works from"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":626.974,"endTime":630.936,"body":"previous eras in time that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":626.974,"endTime":630.936,"body":"identify where people have made"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":631.004,"endTime":634.829,"body":"some really problematic"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":631.004,"endTime":634.829,"body":"connections and explanations for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":634.897,"endTime":638.585,"body":"why certain things were"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":634.897,"endTime":638.585,"body":"considered morally proper, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":638.654,"endTime":642.82,"body":"the evidence behind that right"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":638.654,"endTime":642.82,"body":"now, one of the books that I'm"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":642.888,"endTime":647.123,"body":"reading is called fearing the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":642.888,"endTime":647.123,"body":"black body the racial origins of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":647.191,"endTime":651.016,"body":"fat phobia, and it really is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":647.191,"endTime":651.016,"body":"highlighting a lot of those"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":651.084,"endTime":654.772,"body":"things, of how people,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":651.084,"endTime":654.772,"body":"especially white men, have made"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":654.84,"endTime":658.324,"body":"assumptions and tied things"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":654.84,"endTime":658.324,"body":"together to emphasize a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":658.392,"endTime":662.558,"body":"stratification of people and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":658.392,"endTime":662.558,"body":"assessments of what is beautiful"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":662.627,"endTime":666.861,"body":"and all of that fun stuff. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":662.627,"endTime":666.861,"body":"it's just there's a lot of stuff"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":666.929,"endTime":670.891,"body":"there. But the reason I bring"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":666.929,"endTime":670.891,"body":"this up is not because we're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":670.959,"endTime":675.194,"body":"going to dig too much into the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":670.959,"endTime":675.194,"body":"sociological component of this,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":675.262,"endTime":679.155,"body":"but to bring forward the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":675.262,"endTime":679.155,"body":"awareness that we are influenced"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":679.223,"endTime":683.526,"body":"by the society we live in, you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":679.223,"endTime":683.526,"body":"cannot help but be influenced by"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":683.594,"endTime":687.624,"body":"the values around you that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":683.594,"endTime":687.624,"body":"motivate the society as a Whole,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":687.692,"endTime":691.449,"body":"because it's like being in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":687.692,"endTime":691.449,"body":"water. And whatever's in the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":691.517,"endTime":695.683,"body":"water, you're going to take it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":691.517,"endTime":695.683,"body":"into your body. You can't help"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":695.752,"endTime":699.918,"body":"that, because it's all around"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":695.752,"endTime":699.918,"body":"you in all of the components of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":699.986,"endTime":704.152,"body":"society, the media you consume,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":699.986,"endTime":704.152,"body":"the way we do school, the way"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":704.221,"endTime":708.319,"body":"we've learned a parent, all of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":704.221,"endTime":708.319,"body":"these things get handed down,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":708.387,"endTime":712.553,"body":"and we're just surrounded by it,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":708.387,"endTime":712.553,"body":"so it's impossible to not be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":712.621,"endTime":716.993,"body":"influenced by those things. And"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":712.621,"endTime":716.993,"body":"it's important to remember that,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":717.061,"endTime":721.022,"body":"because while you may look at"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":717.061,"endTime":721.022,"body":"something as well, this is a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":721.09,"endTime":725.052,"body":"good value, be careful of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":721.09,"endTime":725.052,"body":"labeling things as good and bad,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":725.12,"endTime":729.218,"body":"because they tend to box us in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":725.12,"endTime":729.218,"body":"and then we tie it into well,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":729.286,"endTime":733.316,"body":"this is good. That makes me a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":729.286,"endTime":733.316,"body":"good person? No, let's not do"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":733.384,"endTime":737.755,"body":"that. That is where we get very"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":733.384,"endTime":737.755,"body":"rigid with understanding things,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":737.824,"endTime":741.717,"body":"and inflexible with evolving and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":737.824,"endTime":741.717,"body":"growing our awareness of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":741.785,"endTime":746.088,"body":"ourselves and our participation"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":741.785,"endTime":746.088,"body":"in a society, our participation"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":746.156,"endTime":750.118,"body":"in our own lives, and we don't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":746.156,"endTime":750.118,"body":"have the opportunity, or we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":750.186,"endTime":753.942,"body":"don't give ourselves the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":750.186,"endTime":753.942,"body":"opportunity to grow and learn."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":754.011,"endTime":758.313,"body":"So digging into our values, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":754.011,"endTime":758.313,"body":"not just the ones that we think"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":758.382,"endTime":762.616,"body":"we hold, but the ones that we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":758.382,"endTime":762.616,"body":"actually hold, the ones that get"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":762.685,"endTime":766.578,"body":"triggered when say, you get"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":762.685,"endTime":766.578,"body":"upset about something, or you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":766.646,"endTime":771.017,"body":"notice something, you're focused"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":766.646,"endTime":771.017,"body":"on something, noticing what the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":771.085,"endTime":775.388,"body":"motivation is, what is the value"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":771.085,"endTime":775.388,"body":"that is underlying that upset."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":775.457,"endTime":779.623,"body":"We get upset when we feel like a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":775.457,"endTime":779.623,"body":"value is threatened, whether"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":779.691,"endTime":783.584,"body":"we're the ones threatening it or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":779.691,"endTime":783.584,"body":"whether somebody else is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":783.652,"endTime":787.955,"body":"threatening it. Of course, this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":783.652,"endTime":787.955,"body":"ties to emotional intelligence."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":788.024,"endTime":791.985,"body":"It's great information about"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":788.024,"endTime":791.985,"body":"what is actually going on, so"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":792.053,"endTime":796.151,"body":"that you can engage it more"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":792.053,"endTime":796.151,"body":"consciously. So we're looking at"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":796.219,"endTime":800.591,"body":"primarily five values that come"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":796.219,"endTime":800.591,"body":"up a lot with clients. And we're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":800.659,"endTime":804.006,"body":"going to start with"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":800.659,"endTime":804.006,"body":"responsibility. Now it sounds"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":804.074,"endTime":808.035,"body":"great to be responsible, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":804.074,"endTime":808.035,"body":"responsibility can be a great"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":808.103,"endTime":811.723,"body":"thing. Can be a very important"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":808.103,"endTime":811.723,"body":"thing. We want to take"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":811.792,"endTime":815.753,"body":"responsibility for our actions,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":811.792,"endTime":815.753,"body":"for how we show up, how we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":815.821,"endTime":819.714,"body":"engage, however it often gets"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":815.821,"endTime":819.714,"body":"misplaced. We end up taking"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":819.783,"endTime":824.085,"body":"responsibility for things that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":819.783,"endTime":824.085,"body":"are not our responsibility. This"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":824.154,"endTime":827.637,"body":"is really kind of the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":824.154,"endTime":827.637,"body":"undercurrent in codependency,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":827.705,"endTime":831.598,"body":"taking responsibility for things"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":827.705,"endTime":831.598,"body":"that aren't actually our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":831.667,"endTime":835.833,"body":"responsibility. You all know,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":831.667,"endTime":835.833,"body":"I'm a word nerd, so I looked up"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":835.901,"endTime":839.111,"body":"the definition of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":835.901,"endTime":839.111,"body":"responsibility, and it is the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":839.18,"endTime":842.526,"body":"state or fact of being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":839.18,"endTime":842.526,"body":"responsible, answerable or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":842.594,"endTime":846.419,"body":"accountable for something within"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":842.594,"endTime":846.419,"body":"one's power, control or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":846.488,"endTime":850.312,"body":"management. Now, women have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":846.488,"endTime":850.312,"body":"often been targeted as being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":850.381,"endTime":854.82,"body":"more responsible for things than"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":850.381,"endTime":854.82,"body":"we should be, or responsible for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":854.888,"endTime":858.918,"body":"things that we aren't actually"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":854.888,"endTime":858.918,"body":"responsible for or not given"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":858.986,"endTime":862.879,"body":"responsibilities. So there's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":858.986,"endTime":862.879,"body":"just, there's a lot of stuff"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":862.948,"endTime":866.704,"body":"within the idea of being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":862.948,"endTime":866.704,"body":"responsible. What comes up for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":866.772,"endTime":870.802,"body":"clients frequently, is around"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":866.772,"endTime":870.802,"body":"carrying their own weight. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":870.87,"endTime":875.241,"body":"one client in particular, she's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":870.87,"endTime":875.241,"body":"like, I need to be able to carry"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":875.31,"endTime":879.544,"body":"my own weight. I don't want to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":875.31,"endTime":879.544,"body":"be reliant upon other people. I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":879.613,"endTime":883.369,"body":"want to be financially"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":879.613,"endTime":883.369,"body":"independent and not have to rely"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":883.437,"endTime":887.808,"body":"on other people. There's a fear"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":883.437,"endTime":887.808,"body":"around being frivolous and lazy,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":887.877,"endTime":891.975,"body":"self involved, ignorant, of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":887.877,"endTime":891.975,"body":"privilege and so that deep fear."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":892.043,"endTime":896.141,"body":"Actually holding her in a place,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":892.043,"endTime":896.141,"body":"in a workplace that was not"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":896.209,"endTime":900.375,"body":"healthy for her, she was afraid"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":896.209,"endTime":900.375,"body":"that by stepping into stay at"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":900.444,"endTime":904.337,"body":"home mom life, that she would be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":900.444,"endTime":904.337,"body":"taking advantage of this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":904.405,"endTime":908.503,"body":"privilege, and people would"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":904.405,"endTime":908.503,"body":"think that she was lazy and that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":908.571,"endTime":912.396,"body":"she was not aware or conscious."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":908.571,"endTime":912.396,"body":"She'd be like one of the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":912.464,"endTime":916.904,"body":"housewives right on TV, and that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":912.464,"endTime":916.904,"body":"was abhorrent to her. She really"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":916.972,"endTime":921.343,"body":"didn't want that. So oftentimes,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":916.972,"endTime":921.343,"body":"when we look at values, we want"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":921.412,"endTime":925.305,"body":"to look at what is, what is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":921.412,"endTime":925.305,"body":"underlying that value. And in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":925.373,"endTime":929.266,"body":"this case, we look at, oh,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":925.373,"endTime":929.266,"body":"there's a fear underlying that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":929.334,"endTime":932.681,"body":"value the idea of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":929.334,"endTime":932.681,"body":"responsibility. The focal point"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":932.749,"endTime":936.642,"body":"is on what it means to not be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":932.749,"endTime":936.642,"body":"responsible. So looking at,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":936.711,"endTime":940.945,"body":"well, if you are responsible,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":936.711,"endTime":940.945,"body":"what are you? And as we explored"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":941.013,"endTime":945.316,"body":"that, she identified, well, it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":941.013,"endTime":945.316,"body":"it's being mindful. It's being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":945.385,"endTime":949.551,"body":"aware of other people of your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":945.385,"endTime":949.551,"body":"impact. It's being involved and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":949.619,"endTime":953.649,"body":"participating in the world and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":949.619,"endTime":953.649,"body":"doing things that matter. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":953.717,"endTime":957.747,"body":"when we create that switch, we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":953.717,"endTime":957.747,"body":"put the focus on what we are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":957.815,"endTime":961.845,"body":"doing, instead of trying to run"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":957.815,"endTime":961.845,"body":"away from the thing that we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":961.913,"endTime":965.601,"body":"don't want. So this is that,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":961.913,"endTime":965.601,"body":"that interesting piece of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":965.669,"endTime":970.04,"body":"oftentimes, values that we hold,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":965.669,"endTime":970.04,"body":"can have two sides. So it's not"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":970.109,"endTime":974.412,"body":"that responsibility, in and of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":970.109,"endTime":974.412,"body":"itself, is an issue. It's how is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":974.48,"endTime":978.646,"body":"it playing out in your life? How"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":974.48,"endTime":978.646,"body":"is it motivating you? Is the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":978.714,"endTime":983.017,"body":"focal point on what happens if"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":978.714,"endTime":983.017,"body":"you aren't that, or is the focus"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":983.086,"endTime":987.115,"body":"on creating spaces and showing"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":983.086,"endTime":987.115,"body":"up responsibly, because that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":987.184,"endTime":990.667,"body":"feels good. So when we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":987.184,"endTime":990.667,"body":"identified those two things,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":990.735,"endTime":994.013,"body":"like, what? What is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":990.735,"endTime":994.013,"body":"responsibility? What does it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":994.082,"endTime":998.043,"body":"mean? What are you afraid of?"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":994.082,"endTime":998.043,"body":"And it was like all of these"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":998.111,"endTime":1002.278,"body":"things, lazy, self involved, all"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":998.111,"endTime":1002.278,"body":"these negative labels, as it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1002.346,"endTime":1006.307,"body":"were, when we looked at what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1002.346,"endTime":1006.307,"body":"does showing up to that mean,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1006.376,"endTime":1010.269,"body":"it's a much more expansive"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1006.376,"endTime":1010.269,"body":"experience. So sometimes, when"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1010.337,"endTime":1014.708,"body":"we think about values shifting,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1010.337,"endTime":1014.708,"body":"the words that we use can make a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1014.776,"endTime":1018.601,"body":"difference, or at least really"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1014.776,"endTime":1018.601,"body":"getting clear where we're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1018.669,"endTime":1022.699,"body":"focusing. Because where your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1018.669,"endTime":1022.699,"body":"focus goes, your energy flows."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1022.767,"endTime":1027.207,"body":"So, you know, we looked at like,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1022.767,"endTime":1027.207,"body":"Well, what happens if you aren't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1027.275,"endTime":1031.305,"body":"responsible? Besides these"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1027.275,"endTime":1031.305,"body":"labels, and undercurrent to that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1031.373,"endTime":1035.608,"body":"was, well, you let people down,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1031.373,"endTime":1035.608,"body":"you let yourself down. You are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1035.676,"endTime":1039.705,"body":"not morally good. So how does"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1035.676,"endTime":1039.705,"body":"that feel? We looked at like,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1039.774,"endTime":1044.213,"body":"where do you feel that? And it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1039.774,"endTime":1044.213,"body":"like this pressure, this weight."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1044.282,"endTime":1047.696,"body":"When I think about being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1044.282,"endTime":1047.696,"body":"responsible, it's all the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1047.765,"endTime":1052.204,"body":"shoulds and the have tos and the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1047.765,"endTime":1052.204,"body":"weight of responsibility. And we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1052.272,"endTime":1056.507,"body":"switched the wording on that."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1052.272,"endTime":1056.507,"body":"We're like, Well, what about you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1056.575,"endTime":1060.605,"body":"know, if you think about being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1056.575,"endTime":1060.605,"body":"mindful, aware and involved,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1060.673,"endTime":1065.113,"body":"where are you focusing? What are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1060.673,"endTime":1065.113,"body":"you looking for? And it's, well,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1065.181,"endTime":1069.552,"body":"I'm looking for opportunities to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1065.181,"endTime":1069.552,"body":"be that? Where do opportunities"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1069.62,"endTime":1073.377,"body":"feel when you think about"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1069.62,"endTime":1073.377,"body":"seeking opportunity? Where do"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1073.445,"endTime":1077.543,"body":"you feel that? And she said, it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1073.445,"endTime":1077.543,"body":"feels expansive in my chest,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1077.611,"endTime":1081.368,"body":"more open so the heaviness on my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1077.611,"endTime":1081.368,"body":"shoulders, and what it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1081.436,"endTime":1085.534,"body":"highlights is that difference"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1081.436,"endTime":1085.534,"body":"between those shoulds and have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1085.602,"endTime":1089.632,"body":"tos and seeing choices and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1085.602,"endTime":1089.632,"body":"seeking what you want to create."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1089.7,"endTime":1094.003,"body":"So I use this example as there's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1089.7,"endTime":1094.003,"body":"that duality between what does"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1094.071,"endTime":1098.306,"body":"it mean to be responsible and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1094.071,"endTime":1098.306,"body":"where is the focus? Is the focus"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1098.374,"endTime":1102.404,"body":"on what happens if you aren't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1098.374,"endTime":1102.404,"body":"that and the dangers inherent"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1102.472,"endTime":1106.707,"body":"therein? Or is the focus on how"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1102.472,"endTime":1106.707,"body":"you want to engage and show up"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1106.775,"endTime":1110.6,"body":"and leaning into the person that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1106.775,"endTime":1110.6,"body":"you would be if you are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1110.668,"endTime":1114.698,"body":"responsible. What does that look"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1110.668,"endTime":1114.698,"body":"like? Where is your focus?"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1114.766,"endTime":1118.523,"body":"Similarly, reliability is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1114.766,"endTime":1118.523,"body":"another one that comes up for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1118.591,"endTime":1122.757,"body":"clients. Now the definition for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1118.591,"endTime":1122.757,"body":"this one is the ability to be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1122.825,"endTime":1126.377,"body":"relied on or depended on as for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1122.825,"endTime":1126.377,"body":"accuracy, honesty or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1126.445,"endTime":1130.475,"body":"achievement. This has come up"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1126.445,"endTime":1130.475,"body":"with several clients because,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1130.543,"endTime":1134.436,"body":"again, there is that fear of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1130.543,"endTime":1134.436,"body":"letting people down. Both of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1134.505,"endTime":1138.876,"body":"these have a focus in that often"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1134.505,"endTime":1138.876,"body":"because they were let down, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1138.944,"endTime":1142.974,"body":"they don't want to do that to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1138.944,"endTime":1142.974,"body":"other people. Being there for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1143.042,"endTime":1147.345,"body":"people, as we explored this, she"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1143.042,"endTime":1147.345,"body":"identified, well, what does it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1147.413,"endTime":1151.511,"body":"mean to be reliable? It means"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1147.413,"endTime":1151.511,"body":"I'm there for people. They can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1151.579,"endTime":1155.609,"body":"count on me. I say yes, but I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1151.579,"endTime":1155.609,"body":"don't like that. I say yes to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1155.677,"endTime":1159.502,"body":"everything, because I'm often"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1155.677,"endTime":1159.502,"body":"saying no to myself in the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1159.57,"endTime":1163.805,"body":"process of saying yes to other"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1159.57,"endTime":1163.805,"body":"people, and I'm not taking care"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1163.873,"endTime":1168.176,"body":"of myself. This is so common. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1163.873,"endTime":1168.176,"body":"this is where we differentiate"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1168.244,"endTime":1172.41,"body":"again, with the words that we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1168.244,"endTime":1172.41,"body":"use and the meanings underlying"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1172.479,"endTime":1175.962,"body":"them. Oftentimes we conflate"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1172.479,"endTime":1175.962,"body":"reliability with being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1176.03,"endTime":1180.197,"body":"available. Reliability. Being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1176.03,"endTime":1180.197,"body":"reliable does not mean that you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1180.265,"endTime":1184.295,"body":"are always available. Mm. It"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1180.265,"endTime":1184.295,"body":"means that people know what to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1184.363,"endTime":1188.324,"body":"expect from you. So naturally,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1184.363,"endTime":1188.324,"body":"of course, if you set up an"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1188.392,"endTime":1192.012,"body":"expectation of always being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1188.392,"endTime":1192.012,"body":"available, then it may be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1192.081,"endTime":1195.769,"body":"threatened that value of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1192.081,"endTime":1195.769,"body":"reliability may be threatened"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1195.837,"endTime":1199.525,"body":"when you aren't always"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1195.837,"endTime":1199.525,"body":"available. So you may feel that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1199.594,"endTime":1203.896,"body":"discomfort and that sense that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1199.594,"endTime":1203.896,"body":"reliability is being threatened,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1203.965,"endTime":1207.858,"body":"but when you recognize that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1203.965,"endTime":1207.858,"body":"there's a difference, and you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1207.926,"endTime":1212.024,"body":"put intention around that, then"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1207.926,"endTime":1212.024,"body":"you can set up structures to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1212.092,"endTime":1215.849,"body":"honor that ability to be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1212.092,"endTime":1215.849,"body":"reliable, be there for people,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1215.917,"endTime":1219.878,"body":"be counted upon in a way that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1215.917,"endTime":1219.878,"body":"does not take away from you."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1219.947,"endTime":1224.249,"body":"That doesn't mean always saying"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1219.947,"endTime":1224.249,"body":"yes. Now there are various ways"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1224.318,"endTime":1227.801,"body":"of doing this, and this one,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1224.318,"endTime":1227.801,"body":"especially, it ties to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1227.869,"endTime":1231.694,"body":"boundaries around being able to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1227.869,"endTime":1231.694,"body":"say, this is this is the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1231.762,"endTime":1235.45,"body":"expectation I want to be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1231.762,"endTime":1235.45,"body":"reliable. You can be reliably"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1235.519,"endTime":1239.617,"body":"available at certain times, or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1235.519,"endTime":1239.617,"body":"you can be reliably available"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1239.685,"endTime":1243.441,"body":"except for certain times. It"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1239.685,"endTime":1243.441,"body":"really just depends on the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1243.51,"endTime":1247.813,"body":"dynamics of what you're doing. I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1243.51,"endTime":1247.813,"body":"know a lot of clients have set"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1247.881,"endTime":1251.842,"body":"in their emails. I answer emails"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1247.881,"endTime":1251.842,"body":"at these times. I am only"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1251.911,"endTime":1256.009,"body":"available at these times. These"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1251.911,"endTime":1256.009,"body":"are my hours. This is really"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1256.077,"endTime":1260.106,"body":"important when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1256.077,"endTime":1260.106,"body":"entrepreneurship, because it can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1260.175,"endTime":1264.068,"body":"feel like you have to be on all"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1260.175,"endTime":1264.068,"body":"the time, and if you miss"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1264.136,"endTime":1267.961,"body":"something, then you miss"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1264.136,"endTime":1267.961,"body":"something, and you've lost that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1268.029,"endTime":1271.922,"body":"opportunity. But if you are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1268.029,"endTime":1271.922,"body":"clear about the expectations,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1271.99,"endTime":1275.884,"body":"then you can attract to you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1271.99,"endTime":1275.884,"body":"people who are going to honor"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1275.952,"endTime":1280.05,"body":"those and appreciate that they"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1275.952,"endTime":1280.05,"body":"know what to expect from you,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1280.118,"endTime":1283.67,"body":"because you are reliable,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1280.118,"endTime":1283.67,"body":"because you show up to the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1283.738,"endTime":1287.972,"body":"expectations that you set, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1283.738,"endTime":1287.972,"body":"that means that you're fully in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1288.041,"endTime":1292.275,"body":"control of those expectations,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1288.041,"endTime":1292.275,"body":"and instead of being controlled"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1292.344,"endTime":1296.715,"body":"by other people and their desire"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1292.344,"endTime":1296.715,"body":"for you to be available. So you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1296.783,"endTime":1300.676,"body":"see that difference between"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1296.783,"endTime":1300.676,"body":"reliability and availability."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1300.744,"endTime":1304.501,"body":"But oftentimes those two get"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1300.744,"endTime":1304.501,"body":"really conflated. And it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1304.569,"endTime":1308.872,"body":"something that, again, it shows"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1304.569,"endTime":1308.872,"body":"up in our society a lot, where,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1308.94,"endTime":1313.175,"body":"especially in these corporate"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1308.94,"endTime":1313.175,"body":"spaces, anyone who's come out of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1313.243,"endTime":1317.546,"body":"corporate spaces or is currently"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1313.243,"endTime":1317.546,"body":"in corporate spaces, there can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1317.614,"endTime":1321.78,"body":"be this expectation that you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1317.614,"endTime":1321.78,"body":"always on, always be closing."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1321.849,"endTime":1326.22,"body":"Isn't that? Glengarry, Glen Ross"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1321.849,"endTime":1326.22,"body":"very toxic, very unhealthy. So,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1326.288,"endTime":1330.181,"body":"knowing those differences,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1326.288,"endTime":1330.181,"body":"digging into those values, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1330.25,"endTime":1334.143,"body":"really understanding what are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1330.25,"endTime":1334.143,"body":"they there for? What is the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1334.211,"endTime":1338.65,"body":"purpose of them? Are they things"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1334.211,"endTime":1338.65,"body":"that you want to expand, and how"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1338.719,"endTime":1342.953,"body":"could you expand them in a way"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1338.719,"endTime":1342.953,"body":"that actually works for you and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1343.021,"endTime":1347.188,"body":"isn't taking away from the other"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1343.021,"endTime":1347.188,"body":"things that are important to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1347.256,"endTime":1351.149,"body":"you? So like not saying yes all"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1347.256,"endTime":1351.149,"body":"the time, but still being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1351.217,"endTime":1355.657,"body":"reliable. Another one is another"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1351.217,"endTime":1355.657,"body":"R value. I don't know if this is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1355.725,"endTime":1359.686,"body":"a thing. No, there are some"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1355.725,"endTime":1359.686,"body":"other ones coming up that that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1359.755,"endTime":1363.921,"body":"are not ours, but this one is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1359.755,"endTime":1363.921,"body":"respect. So the definition here"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1363.989,"endTime":1368.156,"body":"esteem for or a sense of the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1363.989,"endTime":1368.156,"body":"worth or excellence of a person,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1368.224,"endTime":1372.253,"body":"a personal quality or ability,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1368.224,"endTime":1372.253,"body":"or something considered as a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1372.322,"endTime":1376.215,"body":"manifestation of a personal"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1372.322,"endTime":1376.215,"body":"quality or ability. So having"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1376.283,"endTime":1380.313,"body":"respect for someone's ability or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1376.283,"endTime":1380.313,"body":"equality about them, their"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1380.381,"endTime":1384.479,"body":"judgment or their creativity or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1380.381,"endTime":1384.479,"body":"whatever it also has another"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1384.547,"endTime":1388.577,"body":"meaning that gets tied in,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1384.547,"endTime":1388.577,"body":"oftentimes in a very problematic"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1388.645,"endTime":1392.743,"body":"way, is deference to a right"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1388.645,"endTime":1392.743,"body":"privilege, privileged position,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1392.811,"endTime":1396.226,"body":"or someone or something"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1392.811,"endTime":1396.226,"body":"considered to have certain"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1396.295,"endTime":1400.461,"body":"rights or privileges, proper"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1396.295,"endTime":1400.461,"body":"acceptance or courtesy. And this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1400.529,"endTime":1404.695,"body":"is where it's really an issue."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1400.529,"endTime":1404.695,"body":"And oftentimes it ties in in a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1404.764,"endTime":1409.067,"body":"way that we don't really think"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1404.764,"endTime":1409.067,"body":"about if you follow any positive"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1409.135,"endTime":1413.369,"body":"parenting practices, there is a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1409.135,"endTime":1413.369,"body":"lot of talk around how we talk"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1413.438,"endTime":1417.399,"body":"to our children compared to how"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1413.438,"endTime":1417.399,"body":"we talk to other adults in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1417.467,"endTime":1421.019,"body":"corporate when you're in a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1417.467,"endTime":1421.019,"body":"ladder dynamic which most"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1421.087,"endTime":1425.254,"body":"corporations have, there is an"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1421.087,"endTime":1425.254,"body":"expectation that you give more"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1425.322,"endTime":1429.42,"body":"deference to people in higher"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1425.322,"endTime":1429.42,"body":"rankings of authority. So, for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1429.488,"endTime":1433.654,"body":"example, I talk about this in my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1429.488,"endTime":1433.654,"body":"episode on tact, where I was"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1433.723,"endTime":1437.957,"body":"told when I asked for a raise in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1433.723,"endTime":1437.957,"body":"a particular way that did not"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1438.025,"endTime":1441.85,"body":"show sufficient deference or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1438.025,"endTime":1441.85,"body":"appreciation that I was not"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1441.918,"endTime":1446.085,"body":"being appreciative and that I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1441.918,"endTime":1446.085,"body":"needed to Google tact because I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1446.153,"endTime":1449.841,"body":"handled that badly it didn't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1446.153,"endTime":1449.841,"body":"handle it with sufficient"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1449.909,"endTime":1453.802,"body":"respect for the person that I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1449.909,"endTime":1453.802,"body":"was asking it from. So that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1453.871,"endTime":1457.9,"body":"doesn't mean that respect is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1453.871,"endTime":1457.9,"body":"necessarily problematic in and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1457.969,"endTime":1461.657,"body":"of itself, but looking"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1457.969,"endTime":1461.657,"body":"underneath where the motivation"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1461.725,"endTime":1465.687,"body":"is and where you use that word"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1461.725,"endTime":1465.687,"body":"and how, because words have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1465.755,"endTime":1469.853,"body":"power. So these values have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1465.755,"endTime":1469.853,"body":"power, especially when the words"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1469.921,"endTime":1473.746,"body":"and the values are tied"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1469.921,"endTime":1473.746,"body":"together. So taking a look at is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1473.814,"endTime":1478.049,"body":"the word research. Respect, or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1473.814,"endTime":1478.049,"body":"the value respect being tied to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1478.117,"endTime":1481.942,"body":"the idea of being heard and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1478.117,"endTime":1481.942,"body":"acknowledged, or hearing and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1482.01,"endTime":1486.381,"body":"acknowledging another person and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1482.01,"endTime":1486.381,"body":"respecting their experience and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1486.449,"endTime":1490.411,"body":"them as a person, or is it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1486.449,"endTime":1490.411,"body":"related to following orders and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1490.479,"endTime":1494.645,"body":"doing what you should do, is it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1490.479,"endTime":1494.645,"body":"related to a positioning? Are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1494.714,"endTime":1498.743,"body":"you needing to be or are you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1494.714,"endTime":1498.743,"body":"afraid of what would happen if"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1498.812,"endTime":1502.636,"body":"you are not deferential"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1498.812,"endTime":1502.636,"body":"sufficiently to someone's status"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1502.705,"endTime":1506.803,"body":"or position? Are you having an"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1502.705,"endTime":1506.803,"body":"expectation that someone will"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1506.871,"endTime":1510.969,"body":"behave in a particular way that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1506.871,"endTime":1510.969,"body":"is counter to your perceived"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1511.037,"endTime":1514.794,"body":"status or position. So this ties"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1511.037,"endTime":1514.794,"body":"to feeling like you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1514.862,"endTime":1519.028,"body":"disrespected. I talk a lot again"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1514.862,"endTime":1519.028,"body":"about this in the episode on"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1519.096,"endTime":1523.263,"body":"tact, but it's really important"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1519.096,"endTime":1523.263,"body":"to recognize if your value of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1523.331,"endTime":1527.702,"body":"respect is being threatened, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1523.331,"endTime":1527.702,"body":"what it ties to? Is it that you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1527.77,"endTime":1531.663,"body":"don't feel like you're being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1527.77,"endTime":1531.663,"body":"heard, or is it related to a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1531.732,"endTime":1535.693,"body":"status or position? Or maybe"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1531.732,"endTime":1535.693,"body":"it's both, sometimes that can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1535.761,"endTime":1539.586,"body":"play together. So noticing, how"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1535.761,"endTime":1539.586,"body":"do you feel when this is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1539.654,"endTime":1543.479,"body":"threatened, this idea of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1539.654,"endTime":1543.479,"body":"respect, this value of respect,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1543.547,"endTime":1547.304,"body":"and how do you feel when it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1543.547,"endTime":1547.304,"body":"honored, and noticing the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1547.372,"endTime":1550.855,"body":"dynamics of those things and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1547.372,"endTime":1550.855,"body":"where they tend to get"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1550.924,"endTime":1555.158,"body":"triggered. Where do you tend to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1550.924,"endTime":1555.158,"body":"feel this is threatened? Where"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1555.227,"endTime":1558.846,"body":"do you feel like it's being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1555.227,"endTime":1558.846,"body":"honored? And what are the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1558.915,"endTime":1562.739,"body":"dynamics of those situations, as"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1558.915,"endTime":1562.739,"body":"mentioned in the second"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1562.808,"endTime":1566.974,"body":"definition, it ties to privilege"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1562.808,"endTime":1566.974,"body":"and so our societal context,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1567.042,"endTime":1571.277,"body":"especially in regards to this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1567.042,"endTime":1571.277,"body":"one, matters greatly in relation"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1571.345,"endTime":1575.648,"body":"to where that's being triggered,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1571.345,"endTime":1575.648,"body":"because remember our emotions,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1575.716,"endTime":1579.746,"body":"our information about the way"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1575.716,"endTime":1579.746,"body":"we're experiencing something,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1579.814,"endTime":1584.049,"body":"not necessarily the reality of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1579.814,"endTime":1584.049,"body":"the experience. So when you can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1584.117,"endTime":1588.283,"body":"acknowledge a societal value"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1584.117,"endTime":1588.283,"body":"that's perpetuated, that you may"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1588.352,"endTime":1592.381,"body":"have internalized. You can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1588.352,"endTime":1592.381,"body":"separate it from, oh, I'm a good"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1592.45,"endTime":1596.821,"body":"or bad person, and go, Oh, this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1592.45,"endTime":1596.821,"body":"is something that I've taken in."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1596.889,"endTime":1601.055,"body":"I'm noticing what's going on in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1596.889,"endTime":1601.055,"body":"my body and the thoughts that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1601.124,"endTime":1605.358,"body":"are happening. And then I can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1601.124,"endTime":1605.358,"body":"separate it out and look at, how"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1605.426,"endTime":1609.729,"body":"am I honoring my values, and how"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1605.426,"endTime":1609.729,"body":"much is this a conscious value"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1609.797,"endTime":1613.417,"body":"versus an internalized"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1609.797,"endTime":1613.417,"body":"subconscious value. So you can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1613.486,"endTime":1617.584,"body":"show up more intentionally to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1613.486,"endTime":1617.584,"body":"this particular value that has"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1617.652,"endTime":1621.545,"body":"so much problem in our society."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1617.652,"endTime":1621.545,"body":"Another one that has some"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1621.613,"endTime":1625.643,"body":"duality to it is achievement,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1621.613,"endTime":1625.643,"body":"the value of achievement. Now"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1625.711,"endTime":1629.673,"body":"I'm not defining this one"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1625.711,"endTime":1629.673,"body":"because part of the problem with"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1629.741,"endTime":1633.907,"body":"this particular value is in how"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1629.741,"endTime":1633.907,"body":"you are defining it. And it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1633.975,"endTime":1637.937,"body":"not so much about like, what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1633.975,"endTime":1637.937,"body":"does it mean to achieve? It's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1638.005,"endTime":1641.966,"body":"what are you acknowledging as"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1638.005,"endTime":1641.966,"body":"having achieved? What do you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1642.035,"endTime":1646.269,"body":"notice? What do you say? Oh, I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1642.035,"endTime":1646.269,"body":"achieved something. What do you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1646.337,"endTime":1649.957,"body":"give attention to, to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1646.337,"endTime":1649.957,"body":"acknowledge this value? So what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1650.026,"endTime":1653.987,"body":"often happens is, when someone"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1650.026,"endTime":1653.987,"body":"has a value of achievement,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1654.055,"endTime":1657.743,"body":"because we live in a society"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1654.055,"endTime":1657.743,"body":"that is so focused on the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1657.812,"endTime":1661.91,"body":"outcome and in doing and going"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1657.812,"endTime":1661.91,"body":"and creating and all of that,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1661.978,"endTime":1665.666,"body":"when we have a value around"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1661.978,"endTime":1665.666,"body":"achievement, which is very"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1665.734,"endTime":1670.106,"body":"common in this society. We don't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1665.734,"endTime":1670.106,"body":"actually give space to honoring"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1670.174,"endTime":1673.794,"body":"that value, not in not"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1670.174,"endTime":1673.794,"body":"achieving, but not in actually"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1673.862,"endTime":1678.165,"body":"spending the time to acknowledge"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1673.862,"endTime":1678.165,"body":"and honor what we achieved. We"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1678.233,"endTime":1682.263,"body":"just jump to the next thing."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1678.233,"endTime":1682.263,"body":"What happens with that is that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1682.331,"endTime":1686.224,"body":"if you don't have anything where"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1682.331,"endTime":1686.224,"body":"you actually acknowledge"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1686.292,"endTime":1690.527,"body":"achievement, or the bar is so"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1686.292,"endTime":1690.527,"body":"high to spend time acknowledging"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1690.595,"endTime":1694.693,"body":"or celebrating, you're just"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1690.595,"endTime":1694.693,"body":"chasing. You're just chasing. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1694.761,"endTime":1699.064,"body":"it's kind of like if you think"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1694.761,"endTime":1699.064,"body":"about values as being like cups."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1699.133,"endTime":1703.367,"body":"And I did a little social media"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1699.133,"endTime":1703.367,"body":"post on this one the other day"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1703.435,"endTime":1707.397,"body":"where it's like each value is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1703.435,"endTime":1707.397,"body":"like a cup. So when we think"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1707.465,"endTime":1711.836,"body":"about filling our cup, it's not"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1707.465,"endTime":1711.836,"body":"just one cup we're filling. It's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1711.905,"endTime":1715.934,"body":"these values and how we're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1711.905,"endTime":1715.934,"body":"honoring the values. That's part"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1716.002,"endTime":1719.827,"body":"of how we fill our cup, or our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1716.002,"endTime":1719.827,"body":"cups, as it were. So what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1719.896,"endTime":1724.267,"body":"happens is, with this particular"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1719.896,"endTime":1724.267,"body":"value, it's like somebody poked"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1724.335,"endTime":1728.296,"body":"a hole in the bottom. So even"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1724.335,"endTime":1728.296,"body":"when you pour into that cup,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1728.365,"endTime":1732.394,"body":"because you are achieving things"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1728.365,"endTime":1732.394,"body":"you never take the time to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1732.463,"endTime":1736.356,"body":"acknowledge it. You're never"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1732.463,"endTime":1736.356,"body":"actually filling the cup. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1736.424,"endTime":1740.454,"body":"taking a moment of like what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1736.424,"endTime":1740.454,"body":"counts when you're thinking of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1740.522,"endTime":1744.278,"body":"achievement and actually"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1740.522,"endTime":1744.278,"body":"defining what counts what gets"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1744.347,"endTime":1748.171,"body":"acknowledged as being an"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1744.347,"endTime":1748.171,"body":"achievement, and maybe creating"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1748.24,"endTime":1751.586,"body":"some more options or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1748.24,"endTime":1751.586,"body":"opportunities to acknowledge"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1751.655,"endTime":1755.138,"body":"that you have achieved"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1751.655,"endTime":1755.138,"body":"something. It's that idea of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1755.206,"endTime":1759.441,"body":"celebrating, like every night"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1755.206,"endTime":1759.441,"body":"you write down three things that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1759.509,"endTime":1763.88,"body":"you're celebrating, three things"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1759.509,"endTime":1763.88,"body":"that you accomplished, that can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1763.948,"endTime":1767.978,"body":"be really helpful in actually"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1763.948,"endTime":1767.978,"body":"plugging up that hole so that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1768.046,"endTime":1771.734,"body":"you're acknowledging that you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1768.046,"endTime":1771.734,"body":"achieve something you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1771.803,"endTime":1775.696,"body":"honoring and. Intentionally"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1771.803,"endTime":1775.696,"body":"honoring that value, spending"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1775.764,"endTime":1779.999,"body":"time recognizing and celebrating"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1775.764,"endTime":1779.999,"body":"those achievements. The fifth"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1780.067,"endTime":1784.506,"body":"one is discipline. Discipline is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1780.067,"endTime":1784.506,"body":"challenging, and I actually talk"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1784.575,"endTime":1789.014,"body":"a lot more about this one in the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1784.575,"endTime":1789.014,"body":"episode called more self control"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1789.082,"endTime":1792.975,"body":"is not always the answer. I had"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1789.082,"endTime":1792.975,"body":"a client who brought this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1793.044,"endTime":1796.869,"body":"forward, is not feeling"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1793.044,"endTime":1796.869,"body":"disciplined enough, and that was"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1796.937,"endTime":1800.966,"body":"part of the reason why she"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1796.937,"endTime":1800.966,"body":"wasn't creating what she wanted."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1801.035,"endTime":1805.406,"body":"She wasn't where she wanted. She"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1801.035,"endTime":1805.406,"body":"was beating herself up over not"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1805.474,"endTime":1809.572,"body":"being disciplined enough, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1805.474,"endTime":1809.572,"body":"this is something that she had"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1809.64,"endTime":1813.875,"body":"been taught over the years and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1809.64,"endTime":1813.875,"body":"told that she just needed to be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1813.943,"endTime":1817.7,"body":"more disciplined, more"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1813.943,"endTime":1817.7,"body":"consistent, and all of that sort"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1817.768,"endTime":1821.798,"body":"of stuff. And when we look at"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1817.768,"endTime":1821.798,"body":"the definition of discipline,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1821.866,"endTime":1826.101,"body":"you kind of automatically see"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1821.866,"endTime":1826.101,"body":"where there's problems with that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1826.169,"endTime":1830.267,"body":"word and that value, and it is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1826.169,"endTime":1830.267,"body":"training to act in accordance"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1830.335,"endTime":1834.296,"body":"with rules. Well, my question"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1830.335,"endTime":1834.296,"body":"is, who's setting the rules?"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1834.365,"endTime":1838.394,"body":"Whose rules are you acting in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1834.365,"endTime":1838.394,"body":"accordance with? Are they the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1838.463,"endTime":1842.697,"body":"rules that you set? Where did"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1838.463,"endTime":1842.697,"body":"those rules come from. It's also"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1842.765,"endTime":1847.068,"body":"additionally problematic in that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1842.765,"endTime":1847.068,"body":"part of the definition relates"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1847.137,"endTime":1851.303,"body":"to pairing with punishment to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1847.137,"endTime":1851.303,"body":"correct or train someone to act"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1851.371,"endTime":1855.606,"body":"in accordance with rules. Oh, my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1851.371,"endTime":1855.606,"body":"goodness. So I'm not going to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1855.674,"endTime":1859.84,"body":"spend too much time on this one,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1855.674,"endTime":1859.84,"body":"just because looking at that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1859.909,"endTime":1864.143,"body":"there may be a better word and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1859.909,"endTime":1864.143,"body":"recognizing when this one feels"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1864.211,"endTime":1868.173,"body":"threatened, because often it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1864.211,"endTime":1868.173,"body":"not necessarily that you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1868.241,"endTime":1872.544,"body":"honoring this. This isn't like a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1868.241,"endTime":1872.544,"body":"conscious I feel good when I'm"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1872.612,"endTime":1876.778,"body":"disciplined. It may be that I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1872.612,"endTime":1876.778,"body":"feel good when I follow through"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1876.847,"endTime":1880.945,"body":"on my self care. I feel good"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1876.847,"endTime":1880.945,"body":"when I do the thing that I said"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1881.013,"endTime":1884.496,"body":"I wanted to do. Is that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1881.013,"endTime":1884.496,"body":"discipline. It could be you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1884.564,"endTime":1888.867,"body":"could bucket that in that value,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1884.564,"endTime":1888.867,"body":"but there might be a word that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1888.936,"endTime":1893.375,"body":"you could find, a value that you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1888.936,"endTime":1893.375,"body":"could draw in and emphasize that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1893.443,"endTime":1897.541,"body":"is a little bit more loving or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1893.443,"endTime":1897.541,"body":"supportive for the process of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1897.61,"endTime":1901.844,"body":"what you're doing and also when"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1897.61,"endTime":1901.844,"body":"something happens and you need"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1901.912,"endTime":1906.079,"body":"to be flexible and so discipline"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1901.912,"endTime":1906.079,"body":"isn't the appropriate thing,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1906.147,"endTime":1910.04,"body":"because then we just naturally"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1906.147,"endTime":1910.04,"body":"beat ourselves up. Because"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1910.108,"endTime":1914.138,"body":"that's part of our value. Is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1910.108,"endTime":1914.138,"body":"beating ourselves up. Oh dear."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1914.206,"endTime":1918.168,"body":"So noticing that one and where"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1914.206,"endTime":1918.168,"body":"that one shows up, because,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1918.236,"endTime":1921.856,"body":"again, it may not be a value"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1918.236,"endTime":1921.856,"body":"that you are consciously"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1921.924,"endTime":1925.612,"body":"holding. But when you look at"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1921.924,"endTime":1925.612,"body":"where you feel bad about"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1925.681,"endTime":1929.983,"body":"yourself, where you're beating"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1925.681,"endTime":1929.983,"body":"yourself up, where you feel that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1930.052,"endTime":1933.398,"body":"value, when you feel like"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1930.052,"endTime":1933.398,"body":"something's threatened,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1933.467,"endTime":1937.496,"body":"basically, or you're upset or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1933.467,"endTime":1937.496,"body":"frustrated or angry, look and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1937.565,"endTime":1941.594,"body":"see if that one's under there,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1937.565,"endTime":1941.594,"body":"because that one is one that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1941.662,"endTime":1945.76,"body":"shows up a lot, because it is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1941.662,"endTime":1945.76,"body":"how our society tends to teach"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1945.829,"endTime":1949.585,"body":"you to act in accordance with"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1945.829,"endTime":1949.585,"body":"the societal rules or the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1949.653,"endTime":1954.025,"body":"societal values, as it were. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1949.653,"endTime":1954.025,"body":"just noticing that one is really"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1954.093,"endTime":1958.396,"body":"important, I'm gonna touch on a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1954.093,"endTime":1958.396,"body":"couple other ones that are kind"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1958.464,"endTime":1962.357,"body":"of in addition to because"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1958.464,"endTime":1962.357,"body":"there's some things that people"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1962.425,"endTime":1966.387,"body":"tend to come to me for when"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1962.425,"endTime":1966.387,"body":"they're looking to do the work"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1966.455,"endTime":1970.758,"body":"that I do, to help them create"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1966.455,"endTime":1970.758,"body":"the life that they want to have."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1970.826,"endTime":1974.719,"body":"Those five are ones that are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1970.826,"endTime":1974.719,"body":"underlying, that are kind of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1974.788,"endTime":1978.681,"body":"sneaky beliefs, sneaky values"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1974.788,"endTime":1978.681,"body":"that we need to look at and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1978.749,"endTime":1982.847,"body":"unpack. So I highlight those."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1978.749,"endTime":1982.847,"body":"There are a few others. One of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1982.915,"endTime":1986.672,"body":"them is freedom. So what does"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1982.915,"endTime":1986.672,"body":"freedom mean to you? Like"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1986.74,"endTime":1991.043,"body":"looking for that flexibility and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1986.74,"endTime":1991.043,"body":"freedom and fulfillment, those"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1991.111,"endTime":1994.936,"body":"are like the three F's that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1991.111,"endTime":1994.936,"body":"people are often looking for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1995.004,"endTime":1998.692,"body":"when we work together. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1995.004,"endTime":1998.692,"body":"looking at what does freedom"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1998.76,"endTime":2003.063,"body":"mean to you? And oftentimes it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1998.76,"endTime":2003.063,"body":"around being able to do what I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2003.132,"endTime":2007.093,"body":"want when I want to do it. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2003.132,"endTime":2007.093,"body":"you might conflate that with"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2007.161,"endTime":2011.259,"body":"flexibility, but it's not always"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2007.161,"endTime":2011.259,"body":"the same thing. So actually"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2011.327,"endTime":2015.221,"body":"looking at like, what is it?"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2011.327,"endTime":2015.221,"body":"Maybe it's doing what I want"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2015.289,"endTime":2019.66,"body":"when I want. But for example, my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2015.289,"endTime":2019.66,"body":"clients who have ADHD realizing"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2019.728,"endTime":2024.031,"body":"that routine actually helps them"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2019.728,"endTime":2024.031,"body":"do more of what they want. How"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2024.099,"endTime":2028.334,"body":"important having a routine is."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2024.099,"endTime":2028.334,"body":"So just being able to do what I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2028.402,"endTime":2032.773,"body":"want when I want isn't actually"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2028.402,"endTime":2032.773,"body":"helpful, doesn't actually create"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2032.842,"endTime":2036.94,"body":"that feeling of freedom. And so"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2032.842,"endTime":2036.94,"body":"while the process itself may"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2037.008,"endTime":2041.379,"body":"seem more restrictive or rigid,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2037.008,"endTime":2041.379,"body":"it's being able to choose it. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2041.447,"endTime":2045.614,"body":"that idea of freedom of choice."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2041.447,"endTime":2045.614,"body":"So I'm getting to define what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2045.682,"endTime":2049.916,"body":"the rules are. I'm getting to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2045.682,"endTime":2049.916,"body":"define what's important and what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2049.985,"endTime":2054.424,"body":"I focus on and when I focus, I'm"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2049.985,"endTime":2054.424,"body":"defining my routine flexibility,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2054.492,"endTime":2058.59,"body":"as I mentioned, gets conflated"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2054.492,"endTime":2058.59,"body":"there. What does that mean to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2058.659,"endTime":2062.962,"body":"you? Because it means different"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2058.659,"endTime":2062.962,"body":"things to different people, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2063.03,"endTime":2067.196,"body":"you may not realize that, but I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2063.03,"endTime":2067.196,"body":"had a client recently who was"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2067.264,"endTime":2071.021,"body":"saying that that's what she"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2067.264,"endTime":2071.021,"body":"wanted. She was afraid that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2071.089,"endTime":2075.05,"body":"taking this new job that seemed"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2071.089,"endTime":2075.05,"body":"amazing would restrict her"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2075.119,"endTime":2078.875,"body":"ability to have flexibility. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2075.119,"endTime":2078.875,"body":"I said, Well, what does"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2078.944,"endTime":2083.178,"body":"flexibility mean to you? And she"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2078.944,"endTime":2083.178,"body":"said, time for myself and the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2083.246,"endTime":2087.618,"body":"ability to travel. So I was able"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2083.246,"endTime":2087.618,"body":"to say, How true is it that you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2087.686,"endTime":2091.92,"body":"wouldn't be able to have that?"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2087.686,"endTime":2091.92,"body":"She's like, well, I don't know."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2091.989,"endTime":2096.155,"body":"And so we dug into it, and it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2091.989,"endTime":2096.155,"body":"like, well, actually there is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2096.223,"endTime":2100.594,"body":"flexibility in. This job because"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2096.223,"endTime":2100.594,"body":"of some conversations, she will"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2100.663,"endTime":2104.761,"body":"be most likely able to travel."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2100.663,"endTime":2104.761,"body":"And what does it look like to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2104.829,"endTime":2109.132,"body":"have time for yourself? What are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2104.829,"endTime":2109.132,"body":"the specifics of that? And how"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2109.2,"endTime":2113.366,"body":"can we create that space just"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2109.2,"endTime":2113.366,"body":"because you will have a job and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2113.435,"endTime":2117.601,"body":"not have whatever time you have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2113.435,"endTime":2117.601,"body":"now, without one doesn't mean"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2117.669,"endTime":2121.767,"body":"that you couldn't fill that cup"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2117.669,"endTime":2121.767,"body":"for what your needs are. For"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2121.835,"endTime":2126.275,"body":"you, it just may look different."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2121.835,"endTime":2126.275,"body":"So what does that look like? Now"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2126.343,"endTime":2130.373,"body":"for other people, it's the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2126.343,"endTime":2130.373,"body":"ability to be there when my kids"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2130.441,"endTime":2134.676,"body":"have activities. So knowing what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2130.441,"endTime":2134.676,"body":"flexibility means then allows"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2134.744,"endTime":2138.773,"body":"you to figure out ways to honor"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2134.744,"endTime":2138.773,"body":"that value, instead of just"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2138.842,"endTime":2142.803,"body":"assuming that you can't have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2138.842,"endTime":2142.803,"body":"that in certain situations or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2142.871,"endTime":2147.311,"body":"with certain dynamics. So we can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2142.871,"endTime":2147.311,"body":"find solutions when we know what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2147.379,"endTime":2151.067,"body":"the value is. Again, same thing"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2147.379,"endTime":2151.067,"body":"with the idea of being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2151.136,"endTime":2155.438,"body":"fulfilled. Fulfillment being a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2151.136,"endTime":2155.438,"body":"value. What does that look like?"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2155.507,"endTime":2159.605,"body":"What's true about what you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2155.507,"endTime":2159.605,"body":"doing when you feel fulfilled."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2159.673,"endTime":2163.361,"body":"Where do you feel that feeling"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2159.673,"endTime":2163.361,"body":"so being able to really"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2163.429,"endTime":2167.459,"body":"understand and define it allows"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2163.429,"endTime":2167.459,"body":"you to be more conscious in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2167.527,"endTime":2171.694,"body":"creating spaces to honor it and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2167.527,"endTime":2171.694,"body":"those conscious values, those"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2171.762,"endTime":2176.065,"body":"ones that you think that you are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2171.762,"endTime":2176.065,"body":"looking for, the ones that you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2176.133,"endTime":2180.436,"body":"are intentionally going after it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2176.133,"endTime":2180.436,"body":"allows you to intentionally go"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2180.504,"endTime":2184.67,"body":"after them, instead of feeling"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2180.504,"endTime":2184.67,"body":"just because something happens"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2184.739,"endTime":2188.495,"body":"or you have a particular"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2184.739,"endTime":2188.495,"body":"circumstance in your life, you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2188.563,"endTime":2192.935,"body":"can't have that. There are often"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2188.563,"endTime":2192.935,"body":"ways that we can find to create"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2193.003,"endTime":2197.237,"body":"space to honor that value that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2193.003,"endTime":2197.237,"body":"maybe we didn't realize before,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2197.306,"endTime":2201.199,"body":"until we dug into what it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2197.306,"endTime":2201.199,"body":"actually meant, instead of just"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2201.267,"endTime":2205.433,"body":"the subconscious idea of what it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2201.267,"endTime":2205.433,"body":"means and what the rules are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2205.502,"endTime":2209.463,"body":"around when we can have it and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2205.502,"endTime":2209.463,"body":"when we can't have it, just"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2209.531,"endTime":2213.834,"body":"because we haven't had it in one"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2209.531,"endTime":2213.834,"body":"space before doesn't mean that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2213.902,"endTime":2218.274,"body":"it can't exist there, just means"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2213.902,"endTime":2218.274,"body":"that we haven't asked the right"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2218.342,"endTime":2222.645,"body":"questions, or the questions that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2218.342,"endTime":2222.645,"body":"will help us find solutions to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2222.713,"endTime":2227.084,"body":"creating that doing this work to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2222.713,"endTime":2227.084,"body":"really clarify what your values"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2227.152,"endTime":2230.704,"body":"are allows you then to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2227.152,"endTime":2230.704,"body":"intentionally create space to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2230.772,"endTime":2234.734,"body":"honor those values. And when"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2230.772,"endTime":2234.734,"body":"you're faced with a difficult"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2234.802,"endTime":2238.285,"body":"situation where you feel"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2234.802,"endTime":2238.285,"body":"threatened in some spaces,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2238.353,"endTime":2242.315,"body":"allows you to go, Well, if I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2238.353,"endTime":2242.315,"body":"were true to this value, if I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2242.383,"endTime":2246.618,"body":"were honoring this value, how"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2242.383,"endTime":2246.618,"body":"would I show up? What would that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2246.686,"endTime":2250.784,"body":"look like? Some of the values"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2246.686,"endTime":2250.784,"body":"that have come up for clients,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2250.852,"endTime":2254.267,"body":"that have helped them stay"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2250.852,"endTime":2254.267,"body":"centered in the face of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2254.335,"endTime":2258.57,"body":"adversity, in situations where"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2254.335,"endTime":2258.57,"body":"they are uncertain, things like"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2258.638,"endTime":2262.668,"body":"being open, being authentic,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2258.638,"endTime":2262.668,"body":"being brave, being vulnerable,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2262.736,"endTime":2266.902,"body":"being fun. Now not all of those"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2262.736,"endTime":2266.902,"body":"will apply of one client that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2266.971,"endTime":2270.796,"body":"fun doesn't resonate at all"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2266.971,"endTime":2270.796,"body":"with, but relaxation relates"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2270.864,"endTime":2274.484,"body":"more so knowing what those"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2270.864,"endTime":2274.484,"body":"values are so that you can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2274.552,"endTime":2278.923,"body":"intentionally pour into them and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2274.552,"endTime":2278.923,"body":"expand them, and sometimes even"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2278.991,"endTime":2282.611,"body":"shift away from the ones that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2278.991,"endTime":2282.611,"body":"are more fear based and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2282.68,"endTime":2286.982,"body":"unconscious, building into the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2282.68,"endTime":2286.982,"body":"ones that are more conscious and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2287.051,"endTime":2291.354,"body":"intentional to the person that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2287.051,"endTime":2291.354,"body":"you want to be in, the life that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2291.422,"endTime":2292.72,"body":"you want to create."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2292.72,"endTime":2296.755,"body":"Jumping back in here with an"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2292.72,"endTime":2296.755,"body":"update on this part of the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2296.829,"endTime":2301.452,"body":"episode where I talked about my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2296.829,"endTime":2301.452,"body":"business values, I believe it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2301.525,"endTime":2306.075,"body":"always important when you are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2301.525,"endTime":2306.075,"body":"building something, to have some"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2306.148,"endTime":2310.331,"body":"intentional values to check in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2306.148,"endTime":2310.331,"body":"with when it comes to what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2310.404,"endTime":2314.954,"body":"you're building. And sometimes"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2310.404,"endTime":2314.954,"body":"those values shift, or the ones"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2315.027,"endTime":2319.65,"body":"that you're emphasizing shift."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2315.027,"endTime":2319.65,"body":"Now, the last time that I shared"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2319.724,"endTime":2323.466,"body":"this, I talked about"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2319.724,"endTime":2323.466,"body":"sustainability, accessibility,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2323.539,"endTime":2328.016,"body":"simplicity and fun. Those are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2323.539,"endTime":2328.016,"body":"all still values that I hold. I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2328.089,"endTime":2332.419,"body":"have chosen more recently, when"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2328.089,"endTime":2332.419,"body":"I did some of my own values"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2332.492,"endTime":2337.042,"body":"exploration, as I'm building my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2332.492,"endTime":2337.042,"body":"business, to focus in on three"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2337.115,"endTime":2341.738,"body":"different values. Not that these"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2337.115,"endTime":2341.738,"body":"values aren't still important."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2341.811,"endTime":2346.361,"body":"They are. But I'm emphasizing"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2341.811,"endTime":2346.361,"body":"these three as my primary focus,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2346.434,"endTime":2351.057,"body":"the first being integrity, being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2346.434,"endTime":2351.057,"body":"honest and accountable for the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2351.131,"endTime":2354.947,"body":"compassion at the heart of my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2351.131,"endTime":2354.947,"body":"coaching process to be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2355.02,"endTime":2359.643,"body":"sustainable, it must be paired"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2355.02,"endTime":2359.643,"body":"with accountability to an honest"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2359.716,"endTime":2363.385,"body":"and ethical foundation,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2359.716,"endTime":2363.385,"body":"curiosity, staying open to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2363.459,"endTime":2367.641,"body":"learning, because so many of our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2363.459,"endTime":2367.641,"body":"limits are internalized,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2367.715,"endTime":2371.971,"body":"societal lies, the practice of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2367.715,"endTime":2371.971,"body":"curiosity helps cultivate a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2372.044,"endTime":2376.521,"body":"mindset that allows for growth"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2372.044,"endTime":2376.521,"body":"and change and humor, allowing"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2376.594,"endTime":2380.63,"body":"space to laugh While tears are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2376.594,"endTime":2380.63,"body":"often part of the growth"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2380.703,"endTime":2385.253,"body":"process. Sometimes laughter is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2380.703,"endTime":2385.253,"body":"the best medicine to create the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2385.326,"endTime":2389.729,"body":"spaciousness necessary to find"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2385.326,"endTime":2389.729,"body":"creative solutions. If you go"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2389.802,"endTime":2394.205,"body":"back and listen to the original"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2389.802,"endTime":2394.205,"body":"episode where I break things"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2394.279,"endTime":2398.608,"body":"down for those other values,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2394.279,"endTime":2398.608,"body":"you'll see that there is a lot"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2398.682,"endTime":2403.451,"body":"of overlap. It is important, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2398.682,"endTime":2403.451,"body":"I try and walk my talk with this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2403.525,"endTime":2408.074,"body":"to revisit your values and see"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2403.525,"endTime":2408.074,"body":"how they're playing out, and if"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2408.148,"endTime":2412.697,"body":"other focal points may emphasize"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2408.148,"endTime":2412.697,"body":"better what you're looking to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2412.771,"endTime":2417.247,"body":"create. So this is a update for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2412.771,"endTime":2417.247,"body":"you on my company values. You"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2417.32,"endTime":2421.503,"body":"can find them also on my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2417.32,"endTime":2421.503,"body":"website. You can also find on my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2421.576,"endTime":2425.612,"body":"website a link to schedule an"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2421.576,"endTime":2425.612,"body":"exploration call. If this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2425.686,"endTime":2430.015,"body":"episode resonated and you'd like"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2425.686,"endTime":2430.015,"body":"help digging into your own"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2430.089,"endTime":2434.638,"body":"values, I'm here to support you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2430.089,"endTime":2434.638,"body":"and together, we can shift the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2434.712,"endTime":2438.894,"body":"patterns that are rooted in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2434.712,"endTime":2438.894,"body":"harmful societal dynamics, or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2438.968,"endTime":2443.077,"body":"are simply not serving you and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2438.968,"endTime":2443.077,"body":"maybe feeding feelings of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2443.15,"endTime":2447.773,"body":"frustration or self doubt, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2443.15,"endTime":2447.773,"body":"instead create new patterns that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2447.847,"endTime":2452.47,"body":"are more authentically aligned"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2447.847,"endTime":2452.47,"body":"and support your growth and life"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2452.543,"endTime":2456.579,"body":"enjoyment. So if you want"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2452.543,"endTime":2456.579,"body":"support with that, be sure to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2456.653,"endTime":2460.762,"body":"grab a free initial session"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2456.653,"endTime":2460.762,"body":"through the link in the show"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2460.835,"endTime":2465.458,"body":"notes or on my website. I would"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2460.835,"endTime":2465.458,"body":"love to support you, and I will"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2465.532,"endTime":2467.44,"body":"talk to you all next time."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2467.44,"endTime":2470.679,"body":"Thanks for listening. I so"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2467.44,"endTime":2470.679,"body":"appreciate you being here. If"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2470.737,"endTime":2474.44,"body":"you got something out of today's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2470.737,"endTime":2474.44,"body":"episode, please share it, leave"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2474.498,"endTime":2477.911,"body":"me a review, take a screenshot"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2474.498,"endTime":2477.911,"body":"and post it on social with a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2477.969,"endTime":2481.498,"body":"shout out to me. Send it to a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2477.969,"endTime":2481.498,"body":"friend or, you know, all of the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2481.556,"endTime":2485.085,"body":"above. Want to hang out more,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2481.556,"endTime":2485.085,"body":"join me on Instagram, or better"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2485.143,"endTime":2488.73,"body":"yet, get on my mailing list to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2485.143,"endTime":2488.73,"body":"make sure you don't miss out on"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2488.788,"endTime":2492.143,"body":"anything, and remember your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2488.788,"endTime":2492.143,"body":"possibilities are as unlimited"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2492.201,"endTime":2495.499,"body":"as you are. Allow yourself to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2492.201,"endTime":2495.499,"body":"shine, my friend, the world"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2495.557,"endTime":2497.64,"body":"needs your light. See you next time."}]}