{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":0.0,"endTime":2.58,"body":"Hello my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":0.0,"endTime":2.58,"body":"friends, and welcome to another"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2.58,"endTime":7.62,"body":"episode of unlimited today I am"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2.58,"endTime":7.62,"body":"talking about navigating tough"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":7.62,"endTime":13.56,"body":"conversations with emotional"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":7.62,"endTime":13.56,"body":"awareness. I honestly wasn't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":13.56,"endTime":18.06,"body":"going to do a podcast episode"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":13.56,"endTime":18.06,"body":"because this is scheduled to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":18.06,"endTime":24.14,"body":"come out the day after the US"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":18.06,"endTime":24.14,"body":"election, and it's a lot, it's a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":24.14,"endTime":27.32,"body":"lot right now. And I was kind of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":24.14,"endTime":27.32,"body":"thinking, You know what, maybe"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":27.32,"endTime":32.72,"body":"we're just gonna skip this and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":27.32,"endTime":32.72,"body":"take the time off, because who"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":32.72,"endTime":36.32,"body":"is going to be listening to a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":32.72,"endTime":36.32,"body":"podcast like this the day after"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":36.32,"endTime":40.7,"body":"the election? But you know what,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":36.32,"endTime":40.7,"body":"while I had several friends"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":41.48,"endTime":45.7,"body":"suggest that that would be fine."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":41.48,"endTime":45.7,"body":"I have been sitting with some"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":45.7,"endTime":50.56,"body":"thoughts, and really wanted to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":45.7,"endTime":50.56,"body":"provide some level of support"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":50.56,"endTime":55.06,"body":"for anybody out there who might"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":50.56,"endTime":55.06,"body":"want this, whether it is the day"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":55.06,"endTime":60.54,"body":"it is released or later, there"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":55.06,"endTime":60.54,"body":"have been people that I follow"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":60.54,"endTime":64.26,"body":"who have shared some valuable"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":60.54,"endTime":64.26,"body":"insights that I wanted to kind"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":64.26,"endTime":69.96,"body":"of compile and pull into some of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":64.26,"endTime":69.96,"body":"the insights that I was sharing"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":70.02,"endTime":76.02,"body":"in the workshop that I was"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":70.02,"endTime":76.02,"body":"offering about emotions and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":76.14,"endTime":81.74,"body":"navigating our emotions in a way"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":76.14,"endTime":81.74,"body":"That is honoring without"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":81.86,"endTime":87.74,"body":"allowing it just kind of spray"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":81.86,"endTime":87.74,"body":"everywhere. So I am doing a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":87.74,"endTime":90.98,"body":"podcast, and we're going to talk"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":87.74,"endTime":90.98,"body":"about tips for tough"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":90.98,"endTime":96.2,"body":"conversations that I am pulling"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":90.98,"endTime":96.2,"body":"from a post by Blair Imani, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":96.2,"endTime":99.74,"body":"I will have links in the show"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":96.2,"endTime":99.74,"body":"notes, of course, engaging your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":99.74,"endTime":103.96,"body":"stress response. So I'm pulling"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":99.74,"endTime":103.96,"body":"from other podcasts that I've"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":103.96,"endTime":106.84,"body":"done, particularly one about"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":103.96,"endTime":106.84,"body":"your stress language that I did"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":106.84,"endTime":113.02,"body":"very, very early in the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":106.84,"endTime":113.02,"body":"beginning of this podcast, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":113.2,"endTime":119.5,"body":"tools to check in. I have some"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":113.2,"endTime":119.5,"body":"support tools that are free on"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":119.5,"endTime":122.52,"body":"my website that relate to these"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":119.5,"endTime":122.52,"body":"things that I will also"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":122.52,"endTime":128.22,"body":"reference you to and then the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":122.52,"endTime":128.22,"body":"importance of interruption. You"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":128.22,"endTime":131.4,"body":"don't have to be one of those"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":128.22,"endTime":131.4,"body":"people who can throw out facts"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":131.4,"endTime":135.54,"body":"left and right. And actually,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":131.4,"endTime":135.54,"body":"that isn't always helpful to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":135.54,"endTime":138.84,"body":"just interrupt things. So I'll"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":135.54,"endTime":138.84,"body":"talk more about that in the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":138.84,"endTime":145.16,"body":"episode. I also want you to know"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":138.84,"endTime":145.16,"body":"that through December, I have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":145.16,"endTime":151.04,"body":"opened up pay what you want"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":145.16,"endTime":151.04,"body":"coaching sessions. I will have a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":151.04,"endTime":155.72,"body":"link to that in the show notes"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":151.04,"endTime":155.72,"body":"as well. This is important to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":155.72,"endTime":158.18,"body":"me, because I know this is a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":155.72,"endTime":158.18,"body":"period of high stress. We are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":158.18,"endTime":163.42,"body":"not going to have answers"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":158.18,"endTime":163.42,"body":"anytime soon, in a variety of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":163.42,"endTime":165.52,"body":"ways, we might have some"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":163.42,"endTime":165.52,"body":"answers, but not other answers,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":165.52,"endTime":168.94,"body":"just a lot going on. It's very"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":165.52,"endTime":168.94,"body":"stressful, and I know that even"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":169.06,"endTime":173.44,"body":"holiday season and New Year's,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":169.06,"endTime":173.44,"body":"there's a lot to process, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":173.62,"endTime":177.16,"body":"discernment support is key."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":173.62,"endTime":177.16,"body":"Whether we're talking about"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":177.52,"endTime":181.5,"body":"discernment support, about what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":177.52,"endTime":181.5,"body":"our plans are, about how we want"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":181.5,"endTime":186.12,"body":"to interact with family and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":181.5,"endTime":186.12,"body":"friends and the people in our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":186.12,"endTime":190.38,"body":"life and our society and all of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":186.12,"endTime":190.38,"body":"those things. There's just a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":190.38,"endTime":196.44,"body":"lot. So if you are looking for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":190.38,"endTime":196.44,"body":"some support to process"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":196.5,"endTime":202.52,"body":"something, make a decision, gain"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":196.5,"endTime":202.52,"body":"clarity, and you're like, you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":202.52,"endTime":205.04,"body":"know what a whole transformative"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":202.52,"endTime":205.04,"body":"coaching package is not for me"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":205.04,"endTime":210.2,"body":"right now, but I just need a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":205.04,"endTime":210.2,"body":"little bit of help, and maybe"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":210.2,"endTime":216.8,"body":"don't have the funds to invest"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":210.2,"endTime":216.8,"body":"in a lot of coaching. This is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":216.8,"endTime":221.8,"body":"available for you. It is set up"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":216.8,"endTime":221.8,"body":"as a community pricing model,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":221.8,"endTime":224.8,"body":"which means that if you have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":221.8,"endTime":224.8,"body":"more, I invite you to pay more,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":224.86,"endTime":231.04,"body":"and if you have less, then you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":224.86,"endTime":231.04,"body":"pay less. So I hope that you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":231.04,"endTime":235.24,"body":"will go check that out and sign"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":231.04,"endTime":235.24,"body":"up for a session, if that would"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":235.24,"endTime":238.96,"body":"feel supportive for you. And"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":235.24,"endTime":238.96,"body":"now, without further ado, let's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":238.96,"endTime":243.18,"body":"get started. Hey there. I'm"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":238.96,"endTime":243.18,"body":"Valerie Friedlander, Certified"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":243.18,"endTime":247.14,"body":"Life business alignment Coach."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":243.18,"endTime":247.14,"body":"And this is unlimited. This"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":247.14,"endTime":251.04,"body":"podcast bridges the individual"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":247.14,"endTime":251.04,"body":"and the societal, scientific and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":251.04,"endTime":255.54,"body":"spiritual, positive and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":251.04,"endTime":255.54,"body":"negative, nerdy and no, there's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":255.54,"endTime":259.5,"body":"just a lot of nerdy. Come on"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":255.54,"endTime":259.5,"body":"board. And let's unlock a life"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":259.74,"endTime":261.92,"body":"that's as bad ass as you are,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":269.3,"endTime":273.98,"body":"my thought with this episode is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":269.3,"endTime":273.98,"body":"to pull together a few resources"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":274.04,"endTime":280.36,"body":"that I think may be helpful as"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":274.04,"endTime":280.36,"body":"We navigate this period in our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":280.36,"endTime":286.18,"body":"country in our lives that has a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":280.36,"endTime":286.18,"body":"lot of impact. And I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":286.18,"endTime":292.54,"body":"start with four tips that Blair"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":286.18,"endTime":292.54,"body":"Imani, founder of smarter in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":292.54,"endTime":297.46,"body":"seconds on Instagram shares I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":292.54,"endTime":297.46,"body":"have linked to the Instagram in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":297.46,"endTime":299.92,"body":"the show notes, as well as to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":297.46,"endTime":299.92,"body":"her book, read this together."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":300.0,"endTime":304.08,"body":"Smarter about race, class,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":300.0,"endTime":304.08,"body":"gender, disability, and more,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":304.86,"endTime":308.1,"body":"really, really awesome"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":304.86,"endTime":308.1,"body":"resources. So definitely check"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":308.1,"endTime":310.98,"body":"those out. I'm going to share"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":308.1,"endTime":310.98,"body":"these tips and a little bit"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":310.98,"endTime":315.18,"body":"about my thoughts around them,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":310.98,"endTime":315.18,"body":"and then we'll dig into some"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":315.18,"endTime":322.46,"body":"layers that go into how we show"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":315.18,"endTime":322.46,"body":"up to these things, as she"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":322.46,"endTime":326.42,"body":"mentions, these tips can be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":322.46,"endTime":326.42,"body":"helpful when you're in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":326.42,"endTime":329.54,"body":"circumstances where you're able"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":326.42,"endTime":329.54,"body":"to start from a place of mutual"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":329.54,"endTime":334.1,"body":"respect and account for your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":329.54,"endTime":334.1,"body":"personal safety, which is really"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":334.1,"endTime":339.62,"body":"key if you are unsafe or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":334.1,"endTime":339.62,"body":"engaging with someone who does"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":339.62,"endTime":345.34,"body":"not have respect for you and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":339.62,"endTime":345.34,"body":"your lived experiences. You may"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":345.76,"endTime":348.7,"body":"want to take a different"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":345.76,"endTime":348.7,"body":"approach, and we'll speak to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":348.7,"endTime":354.7,"body":"that in the next section. So for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":348.7,"endTime":354.7,"body":"here, the first mistake that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":354.7,"endTime":357.7,"body":"people make when they try and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":354.7,"endTime":357.7,"body":"engage difficult conversations"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":357.7,"endTime":361.56,"body":"is making assumptions. Our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":357.7,"endTime":361.56,"body":"brains love patterns, and so we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":361.56,"endTime":365.7,"body":"tend to connect dots, and we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":361.56,"endTime":365.7,"body":"don't even always realize that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":365.7,"endTime":370.08,"body":"we're making assumptions when"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":365.7,"endTime":370.08,"body":"we're making assumptions. So the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":370.08,"endTime":374.76,"body":"counter to that is engaging"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":370.08,"endTime":374.76,"body":"curiosity. So what she says is,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":374.76,"endTime":378.78,"body":"don't assume you know more than"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":374.76,"endTime":378.78,"body":"the other person. Don't assume"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":378.78,"endTime":384.56,"body":"you know what they believe or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":378.78,"endTime":384.56,"body":"why they believe it instead ask"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":384.62,"endTime":387.86,"body":"which will help you learn"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":384.62,"endTime":387.86,"body":"something new about them and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":387.86,"endTime":391.7,"body":"even find better ways to get"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":387.86,"endTime":391.7,"body":"through to them or successfully"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":391.7,"endTime":396.92,"body":"communicate your perspective. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":391.7,"endTime":396.92,"body":"that is her recommendation. And"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":396.92,"endTime":401.92,"body":"really it is about engaging"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":396.92,"endTime":401.92,"body":"conversation. It is seeing them"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":402.16,"endTime":405.94,"body":"as a full human being with lived"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":402.16,"endTime":405.94,"body":"experience that inclines them to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":405.94,"endTime":410.56,"body":"believe whatever it is that they"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":405.94,"endTime":410.56,"body":"are believing, and it may not be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":410.56,"endTime":413.38,"body":"related to the specific thing,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":410.56,"endTime":413.38,"body":"but there's always something"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":413.38,"endTime":417.16,"body":"underlying it. There's reason"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":413.38,"endTime":417.16,"body":"there's there's something"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":417.16,"endTime":421.32,"body":"underlying, and it's true for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":417.16,"endTime":421.32,"body":"them as much as is for us. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":421.32,"endTime":426.6,"body":"getting curious and actually"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":421.32,"endTime":426.6,"body":"looking to connect, versus"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":426.66,"endTime":430.74,"body":"jumping in and assuming which"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":426.66,"endTime":430.74,"body":"ties to the next mistake that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":430.74,"endTime":434.58,"body":"she mentions, which is trying to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":430.74,"endTime":434.58,"body":"change minds. She says, If your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":434.58,"endTime":437.94,"body":"goal is to change someone's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":434.58,"endTime":437.94,"body":"mind, it's pretty much"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":437.94,"endTime":441.32,"body":"impossible to know whether you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":437.94,"endTime":441.32,"body":"reached that goal. Even if you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":441.32,"endTime":444.2,"body":"do change someone's mind, they"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":441.32,"endTime":444.2,"body":"probably won't admit it anyway."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":444.26,"endTime":447.74,"body":"Instead, simply speak to share,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":444.26,"endTime":447.74,"body":"offer perspectives and break"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":447.74,"endTime":451.76,"body":"through the echo chamber. This"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":447.74,"endTime":451.76,"body":"is something I'm going to talk a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":451.76,"endTime":456.32,"body":"little bit more about later,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":451.76,"endTime":456.32,"body":"when we talk about interrupting"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":456.38,"endTime":466.3,"body":"things, but when we engage with"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":456.38,"endTime":466.3,"body":"someone, to respond versus to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":466.3,"endTime":469.9,"body":"understand. This is where we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":466.3,"endTime":469.9,"body":"jump in and we stop listening,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":469.9,"endTime":476.26,"body":"we make assumptions and we judge"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":469.9,"endTime":476.26,"body":"so we block our ability to get"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":476.26,"endTime":480.66,"body":"curious. We block our ability to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":476.26,"endTime":480.66,"body":"connect. So coming in with that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":480.66,"endTime":484.44,"body":"assumption. And this is hard not"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":480.66,"endTime":484.44,"body":"to do when you know someone is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":484.86,"endTime":488.82,"body":"engaging in a way that suggests"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":484.86,"endTime":488.82,"body":"certain beliefs and reasons for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":488.82,"endTime":492.24,"body":"believing. We tend to jump in."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":488.82,"endTime":492.24,"body":"And I have absolutely done this."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":492.84,"endTime":498.0,"body":"I have very strong feelings"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":492.84,"endTime":498.0,"body":"about various things, and it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":498.0,"endTime":501.44,"body":"difficult when you know someone"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":498.0,"endTime":501.44,"body":"is approaching something in a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":501.44,"endTime":506.96,"body":"different way, not to take on"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":501.44,"endTime":506.96,"body":"that kind of fight mode and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":506.96,"endTime":510.74,"body":"think that I'm coming in to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":506.96,"endTime":510.74,"body":"either get you to, you know, get"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":510.74,"endTime":516.02,"body":"you to change, really, to make"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":510.74,"endTime":516.02,"body":"you different than you are. And"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":516.02,"endTime":521.02,"body":"a lot of these things, our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":516.02,"endTime":521.02,"body":"beliefs get very much tied to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":521.02,"endTime":526.36,"body":"our identities, and that's part"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":521.02,"endTime":526.36,"body":"of that fixed mindset of like, I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":526.36,"endTime":529.18,"body":"am what I think if I made a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":526.36,"endTime":529.18,"body":"mistake, then I am a mistake."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":530.32,"endTime":538.18,"body":"You can know differently, and it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":530.32,"endTime":538.18,"body":"doesn't necessarily change the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":538.3,"endTime":544.26,"body":"impact that that has on you when"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":538.3,"endTime":544.26,"body":"it happens, and so we shut down"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":545.22,"endTime":550.98,"body":"when we feel attacked. And so we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":545.22,"endTime":550.98,"body":"can know, oh, I made a mistake."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":550.98,"endTime":555.66,"body":"I'm not a mistake, but if that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":550.98,"endTime":555.66,"body":"has been part of our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":555.66,"endTime":559.62,"body":"conditioning, we're still going"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":555.66,"endTime":559.62,"body":"to feel attacked when it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":559.62,"endTime":562.64,"body":"brought in front of us, and I've"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":559.62,"endTime":562.64,"body":"noticed this myself when I have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":562.88,"endTime":566.96,"body":"gotten corrected, and I had this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":562.88,"endTime":566.96,"body":"happen the other day on a call"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":566.96,"endTime":571.1,"body":"where someone invited me to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":566.96,"endTime":571.1,"body":"approach something differently,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":571.4,"endTime":575.96,"body":"and I could feel my nervous"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":571.4,"endTime":575.96,"body":"system get kind of worked up"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":575.96,"endTime":579.5,"body":"like, Oh, I've just been"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":575.96,"endTime":579.5,"body":"chastised. And that was totally"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":579.5,"endTime":582.58,"body":"not the approach that was taken."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":579.5,"endTime":582.58,"body":"It was really just an"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":582.58,"endTime":587.02,"body":"invitation, but I felt my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":582.58,"endTime":587.02,"body":"nervous system shift. I felt"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":587.02,"endTime":592.3,"body":"adrenaline shoot through my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":587.02,"endTime":592.3,"body":"system, and this kind of shut"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":592.3,"endTime":595.66,"body":"down mode happening, and because"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":592.3,"endTime":595.66,"body":"I've done so much work around"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":595.66,"endTime":598.66,"body":"it, I could watch it happen, or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":595.66,"endTime":598.66,"body":"kind of sit with it happening,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":598.84,"endTime":602.94,"body":"breathe into it. It and allow it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":598.84,"endTime":602.94,"body":"to dissipate, knowing that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":602.94,"endTime":606.18,"body":"feelings aren't facts. It's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":602.94,"endTime":606.18,"body":"information about my experience"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":606.18,"endTime":610.62,"body":"and not necessarily what is true"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":606.18,"endTime":610.62,"body":"in this situation. And for me in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":610.62,"endTime":614.34,"body":"that instance, it was an"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":610.62,"endTime":614.34,"body":"invitation to notice the energy"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":614.34,"endTime":620.24,"body":"that I was coming in with, where"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":614.34,"endTime":620.24,"body":"I was approaching things, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":620.24,"endTime":623.9,"body":"what I was bringing so that I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":620.24,"endTime":623.9,"body":"could take a breath and pause"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":623.9,"endTime":629.84,"body":"and check in and recalibrate for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":623.9,"endTime":629.84,"body":"myself. And that's hard that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":629.84,"endTime":634.58,"body":"it's taken years of work on my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":629.84,"endTime":634.58,"body":"part. This is like what I do. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":634.82,"endTime":638.96,"body":"just knowing that while we might"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":634.82,"endTime":638.96,"body":"have that kind of activation,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":638.96,"endTime":643.6,"body":"other people have that too, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":638.96,"endTime":643.6,"body":"when we judge that as well,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":643.6,"endTime":648.88,"body":"you're wrong. So you shouldn't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":643.6,"endTime":648.88,"body":"feel that way. Or somehow you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":648.88,"endTime":654.64,"body":"justified, or it's justified in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":648.88,"endTime":654.64,"body":"in having that feeling, while"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":654.64,"endTime":658.66,"body":"there's a reason for having that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":654.64,"endTime":658.66,"body":"feeling, making it into like a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":658.66,"endTime":662.64,"body":"software like you, it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":658.66,"endTime":662.64,"body":"justified for you to hurt that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":662.64,"endTime":666.48,"body":"is going to cause a wedge. It's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":662.64,"endTime":666.48,"body":"not going to create connection."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":666.72,"endTime":673.74,"body":"So being able to hold space for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":666.72,"endTime":673.74,"body":"someone's emotional self, their"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":673.74,"endTime":678.72,"body":"stress reaction, giving a little"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":673.74,"endTime":678.72,"body":"bit more space will also allow"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":678.72,"endTime":684.02,"body":"them some room, or the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":678.72,"endTime":684.02,"body":"opportunity to show up to the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":684.02,"endTime":687.8,"body":"conversation. Now that doesn't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":684.02,"endTime":687.8,"body":"mean that they will. You may"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":687.8,"endTime":691.52,"body":"notice the shutdown happen, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":687.8,"endTime":691.52,"body":"then the digging in happen, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":691.52,"endTime":696.2,"body":"that can be more information to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":691.52,"endTime":696.2,"body":"go, Okay, this, this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":696.38,"endTime":699.14,"body":"conversation needs to take a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":696.38,"endTime":699.14,"body":"pause. We need to step back."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":699.74,"endTime":703.54,"body":"This isn't the time to keep"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":699.74,"endTime":703.54,"body":"going, rather than, Oh, I got"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":703.54,"endTime":707.14,"body":"them. Let me dig in further"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":703.54,"endTime":707.14,"body":"right, like so we do need to be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":707.14,"endTime":709.96,"body":"mindful of that and also"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":707.14,"endTime":709.96,"body":"recognizing that all of this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":709.96,"endTime":713.62,"body":"takes a lot of emotional labor."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":709.96,"endTime":713.62,"body":"So knowing what your capacity is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":713.98,"endTime":720.16,"body":"to showing up to this can also"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":713.98,"endTime":720.16,"body":"help inform what you want to do,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":720.16,"endTime":723.48,"body":"how far you want to engage,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":720.16,"endTime":723.48,"body":"maybe inviting us. Hey, let's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":723.48,"endTime":727.62,"body":"take a break. Let's come back to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":723.48,"endTime":727.62,"body":"this. If they are showing up to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":727.62,"endTime":730.26,"body":"that conversation, you can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":727.62,"endTime":730.26,"body":"express appreciation for them"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":730.26,"endTime":736.44,"body":"showing up to the conversation."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":730.26,"endTime":736.44,"body":"And I'm gonna go back to the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":736.44,"endTime":739.38,"body":"third thing, because I can keep"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":736.44,"endTime":739.38,"body":"going on this, and I have more"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":740.04,"endTime":744.02,"body":"coming up about the emotional"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":740.04,"endTime":744.02,"body":"processing, but Okay, the third"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":744.02,"endTime":747.26,"body":"one that she mentions is the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":744.02,"endTime":747.26,"body":"mistake of forgetting to add"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":747.26,"endTime":750.5,"body":"your personal story. So like I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":747.26,"endTime":750.5,"body":"just did, where I said, Hey, I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":750.5,"endTime":755.96,"body":"have a personal story. Providing"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":750.5,"endTime":755.96,"body":"a personal story can be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":755.96,"endTime":759.5,"body":"powerful, because then you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":755.96,"endTime":759.5,"body":"also connecting again on a human"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":759.5,"endTime":760.48,"body":"level. Now"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":761.5,"endTime":765.82,"body":"with that, you know, this is a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":761.5,"endTime":765.82,"body":"way she says, Remember that a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":765.82,"endTime":768.94,"body":"relatable or compelling story"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":765.82,"endTime":768.94,"body":"can build empathy. She also"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":768.94,"endTime":775.18,"body":"reminds and this is really"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":768.94,"endTime":775.18,"body":"important to invite that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":775.18,"endTime":778.96,"body":"conversation. So what I usually"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":775.18,"endTime":778.96,"body":"think of it is like getting buy"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":778.96,"endTime":782.28,"body":"in. Basically, it's something I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":778.96,"endTime":782.28,"body":"do in coaching, where I ask"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":782.58,"endTime":787.02,"body":"first, so that might look like"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":782.58,"endTime":787.02,"body":"May I share a different view?"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":787.62,"endTime":791.64,"body":"May I share an experience that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":787.62,"endTime":791.64,"body":"I've had that is different than"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":791.64,"endTime":795.06,"body":"yours? Would you be willing to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":791.64,"endTime":795.06,"body":"hear a different story? So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":796.02,"endTime":801.32,"body":"inviting them to say yes, can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":796.02,"endTime":801.32,"body":"make a difference in their"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":801.32,"endTime":805.04,"body":"ability. They're opening that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":801.32,"endTime":805.04,"body":"door, it's kind of like, Can I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":805.04,"endTime":808.76,"body":"come in? And if you just barge"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":805.04,"endTime":808.76,"body":"in, they're gonna be like, No,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":808.76,"endTime":812.18,"body":"get out. If they open the door"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":808.76,"endTime":812.18,"body":"and say, Yes, you can come in,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":812.66,"endTime":817.16,"body":"then there's more willingness to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":812.66,"endTime":817.16,"body":"connect. There's that invitation"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":817.16,"endTime":820.04,"body":"to connect on another way. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":817.16,"endTime":820.04,"body":"this is where we can build"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":820.04,"endTime":825.82,"body":"empathy. Now it's important, of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":820.04,"endTime":825.82,"body":"course, to be aware of if"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":825.82,"endTime":830.38,"body":"someone is disregarding your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":825.82,"endTime":830.38,"body":"lived experience, denying your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":830.38,"endTime":833.62,"body":"lived experience, telling you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":830.38,"endTime":833.62,"body":"your lived experience is wrong."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":834.58,"endTime":839.26,"body":"That is an issue. The flip side"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":834.58,"endTime":839.26,"body":"of that is the same thing on"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":839.26,"endTime":843.3,"body":"your end. This is again, where"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":839.26,"endTime":843.3,"body":"we get curious instead of making"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":843.3,"endTime":846.12,"body":"assumptions, oh, you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":843.3,"endTime":846.12,"body":"misunderstood that. Oh, you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":846.12,"endTime":851.28,"body":"wrong. Like shutting those"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":846.12,"endTime":851.28,"body":"things down. A lot of what I do"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":851.46,"endTime":855.6,"body":"is acknowledging what someone is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":851.46,"endTime":855.6,"body":"saying, acknowledging the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":855.6,"endTime":860.04,"body":"feelings that they have. And you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":855.6,"endTime":860.04,"body":"can validate feelings without"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":860.04,"endTime":863.78,"body":"validating facts, right? So we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":860.04,"endTime":863.78,"body":"talk about feelings aren't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":863.78,"endTime":867.38,"body":"facts. Feelings are information"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":863.78,"endTime":867.38,"body":"about someone's experience of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":867.98,"endTime":872.18,"body":"life, usually relates to our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":867.98,"endTime":872.18,"body":"values. So you can validate that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":872.18,"endTime":877.52,"body":"someone had a feeling, or is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":872.18,"endTime":877.52,"body":"having a feeling without saying"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":878.6,"endTime":886.12,"body":"you are right, or that feeling"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":878.6,"endTime":886.12,"body":"is coming from a place of truth"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":886.12,"endTime":889.54,"body":"in the world, you can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":886.12,"endTime":889.54,"body":"acknowledge the feeling without"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":889.72,"endTime":893.2,"body":"agreeing with the perception"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":889.72,"endTime":893.2,"body":"that they're having that is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":893.2,"endTime":896.86,"body":"creating that feeling, this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":893.2,"endTime":896.86,"body":"feeds really well into the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":896.86,"endTime":900.12,"body":"fourth mistake, which is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":896.86,"endTime":900.12,"body":"disagreeing on everything. She"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":900.12,"endTime":905.22,"body":"says, try to find at least some"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":900.12,"endTime":905.22,"body":"common ground, as long as you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":905.22,"endTime":910.38,"body":"not compromising your values. It"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":905.22,"endTime":910.38,"body":"can literally be anything from,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":910.5,"endTime":913.62,"body":"hey, we're both people, aren't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":910.5,"endTime":913.62,"body":"we? Or we're having a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":913.62,"endTime":918.9,"body":"conversation right agreement can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":913.62,"endTime":918.9,"body":"help tone things down and make"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":918.9,"endTime":922.64,"body":"it more comfortable and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":918.9,"endTime":922.64,"body":"respectful experience. If you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":922.64,"endTime":926.78,"body":"can't find at least one thing to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":922.64,"endTime":926.78,"body":"agree on in the conversation,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":926.96,"endTime":930.92,"body":"it's unlikely to be productive,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":926.96,"endTime":930.92,"body":"even if the goal isn't to agree."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":930.92,"endTime":936.14,"body":"So that's what she says there."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":930.92,"endTime":936.14,"body":"And one of the things that can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":936.14,"endTime":941.74,"body":"be a space of agreement is that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":936.14,"endTime":941.74,"body":"somebody is having a feeling. It"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":941.74,"endTime":946.9,"body":"sounds like you are feeling this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":941.74,"endTime":946.9,"body":"way. It makes sense that you'd"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":946.9,"endTime":951.22,"body":"be feeling this way if you are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":946.9,"endTime":951.22,"body":"perceiving this, or if you are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":951.22,"endTime":957.46,"body":"experiencing this. That's not"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":951.22,"endTime":957.46,"body":"saying that this is true, but it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":957.46,"endTime":963.66,"body":"is saying that, hey, I see you."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":957.46,"endTime":963.66,"body":"I recognize this. This is a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":963.66,"endTime":970.26,"body":"feeling. Now again, that doesn't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":963.66,"endTime":970.26,"body":"mean that they are going to show"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":970.26,"endTime":976.08,"body":"up with that kind of energy. And"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":970.26,"endTime":976.08,"body":"it may be that the emotional"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":976.08,"endTime":980.3,"body":"labor needed to stay present in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":976.08,"endTime":980.3,"body":"a conversation like that, or the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":980.3,"endTime":984.98,"body":"respect that isn't present in a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":980.3,"endTime":984.98,"body":"conversation like that may need"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":985.4,"endTime":988.52,"body":"a different approach, and it may"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":985.4,"endTime":988.52,"body":"mean that this is not a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":988.52,"endTime":995.84,"body":"conversation to have again, as"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":988.52,"endTime":995.84,"body":"she mentions, it is important to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":995.84,"endTime":1000.42,"body":"engage when you're able to start"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":995.84,"endTime":1000.42,"body":"from a place of mutual respect"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1000.42,"endTime":1004.44,"body":"and account for your personal"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1000.42,"endTime":1004.44,"body":"safety. Your personal safety in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1004.44,"endTime":1009.72,"body":"a conversation is key. I will"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1004.44,"endTime":1009.72,"body":"say it is important to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1009.72,"endTime":1015.78,"body":"differentiate between your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1009.72,"endTime":1015.78,"body":"personal safety and how you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1015.78,"endTime":1020.48,"body":"experiencing the situation. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1015.78,"endTime":1020.48,"body":"sometimes we can feel the stress"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1020.48,"endTime":1024.98,"body":"of a situation, we can feel the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1020.48,"endTime":1024.98,"body":"emotions that are uncomfortable,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1025.04,"endTime":1028.76,"body":"and we may have a story that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1025.04,"endTime":1028.76,"body":"when something is uncomfortable"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1028.76,"endTime":1035.06,"body":"it means that we are unsafe, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1028.76,"endTime":1035.06,"body":"that's not necessarily true."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1035.06,"endTime":1037.22,"body":"Sometimes things are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1035.06,"endTime":1037.22,"body":"uncomfortable because we're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1037.22,"endTime":1041.8,"body":"conditioned to behave in a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1037.22,"endTime":1041.8,"body":"certain way, or to shut down, or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1041.8,"endTime":1045.94,"body":"for our freeze response to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1041.8,"endTime":1045.94,"body":"activate such that we don't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1046.0,"endTime":1052.3,"body":"engage or interrupt things like"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1046.0,"endTime":1052.3,"body":"for example, if you are a white"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1052.3,"endTime":1059.2,"body":"woman, we are conditioned to go"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1052.3,"endTime":1059.2,"body":"silent for Our freeze response"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1059.2,"endTime":1069.24,"body":"to activate so that we don't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1059.2,"endTime":1069.24,"body":"disrupt racism as an example. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1070.26,"endTime":1074.34,"body":"that usually comes from that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1070.26,"endTime":1074.34,"body":"sense of being unsafe, so we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1074.34,"endTime":1079.44,"body":"shut down. But what is really"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1074.34,"endTime":1079.44,"body":"unsafe is what's being said and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1079.68,"endTime":1083.78,"body":"the fact that it is being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1079.68,"endTime":1083.78,"body":"allowed to be normalized by our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1083.78,"endTime":1091.94,"body":"silence. To that end,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1083.78,"endTime":1091.94,"body":"interrupting can make a huge"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1091.94,"endTime":1096.26,"body":"difference, because it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1091.94,"endTime":1096.26,"body":"denormalizes I'm trying to think"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1096.26,"endTime":1098.9,"body":"is that, is that a word"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1096.26,"endTime":1098.9,"body":"denormalizes it. It basically"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1098.9,"endTime":1105.22,"body":"interrupts whatever was said as"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1098.9,"endTime":1105.22,"body":"being okay, being normal, and it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1105.22,"endTime":1108.52,"body":"doesn't have to come from a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1105.22,"endTime":1108.52,"body":"place of I'm going to give you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1108.52,"endTime":1111.1,"body":"all this information, and I'm"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1108.52,"endTime":1111.1,"body":"going to tell you why you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1111.1,"endTime":1115.84,"body":"wrong and all of that. Not all"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1111.1,"endTime":1115.84,"body":"of us are good at accessing that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1115.84,"endTime":1120.78,"body":"kind of information right away."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1115.84,"endTime":1120.78,"body":"Sometimes it's difficult,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1120.78,"endTime":1124.98,"body":"especially if our brains shut"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1120.78,"endTime":1124.98,"body":"down on us when we feel stress."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1125.28,"endTime":1129.0,"body":"So that's part of the freeze"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1125.28,"endTime":1129.0,"body":"response. But where we can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1129.0,"endTime":1132.42,"body":"interrupt the freeze response is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1129.0,"endTime":1132.42,"body":"just to say something to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1132.42,"endTime":1135.78,"body":"interrupt it. We don't have to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1132.42,"endTime":1135.78,"body":"be like, that's wrong, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1135.78,"endTime":1141.02,"body":"here's why, we can actually seek"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1135.78,"endTime":1141.02,"body":"to build the relationship by"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1141.32,"endTime":1148.28,"body":"acknowledging that what was said"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1141.32,"endTime":1148.28,"body":"is uncomfortable, and we can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1148.28,"endTime":1152.12,"body":"talk more about that later."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1148.28,"endTime":1152.12,"body":"Right now, I just need to take a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1152.12,"endTime":1154.76,"body":"moment because that what you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1152.12,"endTime":1154.76,"body":"just said was really upsetting,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1155.24,"endTime":1159.8,"body":"and it is still an invitation."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1155.24,"endTime":1159.8,"body":"It creates discomfort around"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1159.8,"endTime":1162.64,"body":"what was said, instead of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1159.8,"endTime":1162.64,"body":"allowing it to stay comfortable,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1163.48,"endTime":1167.38,"body":"I did a really amazing workshop"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1163.48,"endTime":1167.38,"body":"with Amina Chaudhary, who was a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1167.38,"endTime":1170.68,"body":"guest on this podcast a while"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1167.38,"endTime":1170.68,"body":"back, called The Art of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1170.68,"endTime":1173.38,"body":"interrupting racism. And that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1170.68,"endTime":1173.38,"body":"was one of the big things that I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1173.38,"endTime":1176.8,"body":"took away from that workshop"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1173.38,"endTime":1176.8,"body":"with her, was really just that,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1176.8,"endTime":1180.18,"body":"like, I don't have to have all"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1176.8,"endTime":1180.18,"body":"the answers. Sometimes I would"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1180.18,"endTime":1182.16,"body":"shut down. I wouldn't say"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1180.18,"endTime":1182.16,"body":"anything, because I thought,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1182.16,"endTime":1186.18,"body":"Well, I'm not going to be able"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1182.16,"endTime":1186.18,"body":"to argue effectively. And what I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1186.18,"endTime":1188.94,"body":"took away from that is I don't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1186.18,"endTime":1188.94,"body":"have to argue effectively. I can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1188.94,"endTime":1193.68,"body":"actually build a relationship."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1188.94,"endTime":1193.68,"body":"And part of that is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1193.98,"endTime":1198.48,"body":"acknowledging my experience"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1193.98,"endTime":1198.48,"body":"that's part of a relationship."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1198.96,"endTime":1205.58,"body":"So. Do have a resource on my"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1198.96,"endTime":1205.58,"body":"resources page about things to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1205.58,"endTime":1208.34,"body":"say. Not all of these are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1205.58,"endTime":1208.34,"body":"appropriate for all situations,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1208.34,"endTime":1212.96,"body":"but I put it together from"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1208.34,"endTime":1212.96,"body":"something that I received years"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1212.96,"endTime":1217.4,"body":"ago in a 12 step meeting, and I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1212.96,"endTime":1217.4,"body":"broke it down differently and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1217.4,"endTime":1220.48,"body":"kind of changed things up from"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1217.4,"endTime":1220.48,"body":"it, but I loved having this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1220.48,"endTime":1226.3,"body":"little pocket reminder of like"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1220.48,"endTime":1226.3,"body":"things that I could say to give"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1226.3,"endTime":1232.96,"body":"myself space to make a decision,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1226.3,"endTime":1232.96,"body":"or to even just interrupt"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1233.14,"endTime":1237.34,"body":"something that I couldn't handle"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1233.14,"endTime":1237.34,"body":"right then, so you can interrupt"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1237.34,"endTime":1243.42,"body":"something and kind of call it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1237.34,"endTime":1243.42,"body":"out without continuing that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1243.42,"endTime":1246.96,"body":"conversation, you could take"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1243.42,"endTime":1246.96,"body":"some space. So for example, some"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1246.96,"endTime":1251.76,"body":"of the responses are that's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1246.96,"endTime":1251.76,"body":"interesting. I never thought of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1251.76,"endTime":1255.54,"body":"it that way. I will think about"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1251.76,"endTime":1255.54,"body":"what you said. So that's when we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1255.54,"endTime":1258.54,"body":"don't necessarily need to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1255.54,"endTime":1258.54,"body":"interrupt something. When a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1258.54,"endTime":1262.58,"body":"decision is being asked, you can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1258.54,"endTime":1262.58,"body":"say it's a possibility. Let me"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1262.58,"endTime":1265.82,"body":"get back to you, or I need to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1262.58,"endTime":1265.82,"body":"look into a few things first."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1265.82,"endTime":1269.78,"body":"When do you need to know by so"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1265.82,"endTime":1269.78,"body":"basically allowing some room"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1270.08,"endTime":1272.42,"body":"now, this is where the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1270.08,"endTime":1272.42,"body":"interruption can come in, of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1272.42,"endTime":1275.42,"body":"like, when you just can't right"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1272.42,"endTime":1275.42,"body":"now, this is really painful for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1275.42,"endTime":1278.3,"body":"me, or what you just said is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1275.42,"endTime":1278.3,"body":"really painful for me. I need to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1278.3,"endTime":1282.28,"body":"stop you. This is about all I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1278.3,"endTime":1282.28,"body":"can handle right now. Let's talk"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1282.28,"endTime":1286.42,"body":"more later. My brain is on"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1282.28,"endTime":1286.42,"body":"overload. I need time to think"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1286.42,"endTime":1291.52,"body":"about this. Let me get back to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1286.42,"endTime":1291.52,"body":"you later. So varying levels of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1291.58,"endTime":1295.72,"body":"engagement or interruption, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1291.58,"endTime":1295.72,"body":"of course, if it's more personal"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1295.72,"endTime":1299.08,"body":"and it's not something that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1295.72,"endTime":1299.08,"body":"maybe is a systemic I need to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1299.08,"endTime":1303.18,"body":"interrupt this. I need to call"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1299.08,"endTime":1303.18,"body":"this forward. It can be like"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1303.18,"endTime":1307.38,"body":"just, I'm dealing with family,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1303.18,"endTime":1307.38,"body":"and the dynamics are stressful,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1307.38,"endTime":1311.58,"body":"so I need to go use the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1307.38,"endTime":1311.58,"body":"bathroom. We'll talk more later."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1311.58,"endTime":1315.3,"body":"So it just gives you an out to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1311.58,"endTime":1315.3,"body":"kind of process and decompress."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1316.44,"endTime":1321.56,"body":"So that's already a lot of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1316.44,"endTime":1321.56,"body":"information. I recognize that I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1321.56,"endTime":1325.28,"body":"want to give you a reminder"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1321.56,"endTime":1325.28,"body":"about a few tools, but I'm also"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1325.28,"endTime":1329.18,"body":"going to have links to some"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1325.28,"endTime":1329.18,"body":"podcast episodes and to some"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1329.18,"endTime":1333.2,"body":"resources that I have in the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1329.18,"endTime":1333.2,"body":"show notes. If you want to go"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1333.2,"endTime":1338.0,"body":"deeper than just these"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1333.2,"endTime":1338.0,"body":"reminders, when I talk about"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1338.3,"endTime":1343.0,"body":"giving space to decompress, what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1338.3,"endTime":1343.0,"body":"are we doing there? So like,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1343.0,"endTime":1346.3,"body":"what does it look like to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1343.0,"endTime":1346.3,"body":"process stress? So these are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1346.3,"endTime":1350.32,"body":"just some quick reminders of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1346.3,"endTime":1350.32,"body":"approaches it can help when you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1350.32,"endTime":1353.5,"body":"know what typically works for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1350.32,"endTime":1353.5,"body":"you, because when our brains are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1353.5,"endTime":1358.72,"body":"in overload, when we're in our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1353.5,"endTime":1358.72,"body":"stress response, we don't always"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1358.9,"endTime":1365.28,"body":"have access to what we really"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1358.9,"endTime":1365.28,"body":"need to support us. So when we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1365.28,"endTime":1370.86,"body":"have it set up ahead of time, we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1365.28,"endTime":1370.86,"body":"can just go to that we don't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1370.86,"endTime":1373.14,"body":"have to make another decision."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1370.86,"endTime":1373.14,"body":"Because again, when we're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1373.32,"endTime":1375.78,"body":"processing a lot, we're talking"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1373.32,"endTime":1375.78,"body":"about processing a lot of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1375.78,"endTime":1380.54,"body":"emotional energy, doing a lot of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1375.78,"endTime":1380.54,"body":"emotional labor, we have less"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1380.54,"endTime":1385.7,"body":"energy for the mental labor of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1380.54,"endTime":1385.7,"body":"decision making. So creating"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1385.7,"endTime":1390.74,"body":"preset decisions can help. For"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1385.7,"endTime":1390.74,"body":"example, when you're going to go"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1390.74,"endTime":1394.64,"body":"deal with family that you may"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1390.74,"endTime":1394.64,"body":"have some tension with or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1394.82,"endTime":1398.78,"body":"stressful interactions with,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1394.82,"endTime":1398.78,"body":"presetting up with a friend."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1398.78,"endTime":1402.04,"body":"Hey, I may need to give you a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1398.78,"endTime":1402.04,"body":"call. When are you going to be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1402.04,"endTime":1407.74,"body":"around someone that you can talk"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1402.04,"endTime":1407.74,"body":"to? If processing out loud is"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1407.74,"endTime":1412.6,"body":"helpful for you, if not having a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1407.74,"endTime":1412.6,"body":"journal, maybe having something"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1412.6,"endTime":1419.14,"body":"on hand that you can read, maybe"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1412.6,"endTime":1419.14,"body":"going out for a walk, I have a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1419.14,"endTime":1426.72,"body":"stress language quiz that you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1419.14,"endTime":1426.72,"body":"may find helpful to identify"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1426.72,"endTime":1430.86,"body":"what is a good go to, and it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1426.72,"endTime":1430.86,"body":"walks you through some things"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1430.86,"endTime":1436.02,"body":"that you might do to help"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1430.86,"endTime":1436.02,"body":"yourself and support yourself,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1436.02,"endTime":1439.32,"body":"processing through the stress"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1436.02,"endTime":1439.32,"body":"and that activation that's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1439.32,"endTime":1444.38,"body":"happening so that you can then"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1439.32,"endTime":1444.38,"body":"come back into a conversation or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1444.56,"endTime":1449.48,"body":"make a decision related to that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1444.56,"endTime":1449.48,"body":"that is going to be supportive"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1449.48,"endTime":1453.68,"body":"for you. I like to note here"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1449.48,"endTime":1453.68,"body":"that emotions are input from"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1453.68,"endTime":1458.66,"body":"experience, but they also tend"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1453.68,"endTime":1458.66,"body":"to be feedback loops that affirm"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1458.72,"endTime":1462.34,"body":"an experience, especially when"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1458.72,"endTime":1462.34,"body":"they're not initially"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1462.34,"endTime":1466.24,"body":"acknowledged, processed and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1462.34,"endTime":1466.24,"body":"addressed, and of course, when"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1466.24,"endTime":1470.74,"body":"they are suppressed, they can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1466.24,"endTime":1470.74,"body":"wreak havoc in our systems. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1471.28,"endTime":1473.92,"body":"as an example, when you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1471.28,"endTime":1473.92,"body":"feeling anxiety, when you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1473.92,"endTime":1477.52,"body":"feeling a lot of stress, it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1473.92,"endTime":1477.52,"body":"normal for you to have digestive"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1477.76,"endTime":1480.9,"body":"issues, something going on with"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1477.76,"endTime":1480.9,"body":"your gut, because our brains and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1480.9,"endTime":1483.36,"body":"our bodies talk to each other, I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1480.9,"endTime":1483.36,"body":"know that when I feel"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1483.36,"endTime":1486.72,"body":"particularly stimulated, whether"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1483.36,"endTime":1486.72,"body":"it is with excitement or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1486.72,"endTime":1491.28,"body":"nervousness, I can feel that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1486.72,"endTime":1491.28,"body":"vibration in my body, and that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1491.7,"endTime":1496.56,"body":"vibration needs to move through"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1491.7,"endTime":1496.56,"body":"me and go to ground, as it were,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1496.56,"endTime":1499.02,"body":"if we're thinking about like an"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1496.56,"endTime":1499.02,"body":"electrical charge in your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1499.02,"endTime":1503.9,"body":"system. But. Bring it to ground."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1499.02,"endTime":1503.9,"body":"So to interrupt the feedback"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1503.9,"endTime":1507.98,"body":"loop that we tend to get into"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1503.9,"endTime":1507.98,"body":"with our emotions, knowing that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1507.98,"endTime":1513.38,"body":"our hormones go about two"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1507.98,"endTime":1513.38,"body":"minutes to 18 hours and we in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1513.38,"endTime":1516.8,"body":"our ability to regulate and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1513.38,"endTime":1516.8,"body":"engage the situation will also"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1516.8,"endTime":1520.84,"body":"determine how quickly we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1516.8,"endTime":1520.84,"body":"navigate through versus getting"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1520.84,"endTime":1526.48,"body":"stuck, kind of ruminating and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1520.84,"endTime":1526.48,"body":"repeating. So the process for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1526.48,"endTime":1530.86,"body":"engaging in emotion is naming"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1526.48,"endTime":1530.86,"body":"it, locating its resonance in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1530.86,"endTime":1536.98,"body":"your body, observing it, finding"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1530.86,"endTime":1536.98,"body":"a way to dissipate it, and then"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1536.98,"endTime":1541.92,"body":"questioning it, engaging it,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1536.98,"endTime":1541.92,"body":"what was the story, what was"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1541.92,"endTime":1546.42,"body":"happening there? What are the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1541.92,"endTime":1546.42,"body":"dynamics of that? What activated"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1546.42,"endTime":1549.72,"body":"that? Because that's where we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1546.42,"endTime":1549.72,"body":"can really kind of get into,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1549.72,"endTime":1552.0,"body":"what are the loops that are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1549.72,"endTime":1552.0,"body":"happening? And this is not to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1552.0,"endTime":1555.24,"body":"say that that emotion, again,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1552.0,"endTime":1555.24,"body":"isn't valid, because sometimes"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1555.54,"endTime":1560.84,"body":"there is actual danger when we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1555.54,"endTime":1560.84,"body":"get activated. So knowing that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1560.9,"endTime":1564.74,"body":"or recognizing when that danger"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1560.9,"endTime":1564.74,"body":"is rooted in past experiences."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1564.74,"endTime":1568.16,"body":"So maybe it's a trauma response,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1564.74,"endTime":1568.16,"body":"being able to engage that and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1568.16,"endTime":1572.24,"body":"knowing what supports you might"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1568.16,"endTime":1572.24,"body":"want to reach out to, whether it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1572.24,"endTime":1576.8,"body":"is a therapist to navigate the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1572.24,"endTime":1576.8,"body":"trauma response, or a coach to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1576.8,"endTime":1579.26,"body":"navigate some of the patterns"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1576.8,"endTime":1579.26,"body":"and how that's playing out in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1579.26,"endTime":1585.4,"body":"your life, having that awareness"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1579.26,"endTime":1585.4,"body":"can be really helpful. So some"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1585.4,"endTime":1588.88,"body":"of the support tools that you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1585.4,"endTime":1588.88,"body":"can tap into for that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1588.88,"endTime":1594.88,"body":"dissipation, looking at a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1588.88,"endTime":1594.88,"body":"spiritual processing that might"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1594.88,"endTime":1599.8,"body":"look like meditating, being"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1594.88,"endTime":1599.8,"body":"outside, or even just watching"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1599.8,"endTime":1603.06,"body":"silly cat videos, something"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1599.8,"endTime":1603.06,"body":"that's completely separate and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1603.06,"endTime":1607.5,"body":"outside of what you were"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1603.06,"endTime":1607.5,"body":"processing. So just to kind of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1607.5,"endTime":1612.66,"body":"even step away first, it might"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1607.5,"endTime":1612.66,"body":"be physically resting,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1612.96,"endTime":1617.4,"body":"exercising, dancing, something"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1612.96,"endTime":1617.4,"body":"really embodied, where you're"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1617.4,"endTime":1622.46,"body":"tapping into moving your body."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1617.4,"endTime":1622.46,"body":"Could be emotionally so again,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1622.46,"endTime":1626.18,"body":"like having that friend you can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1622.46,"endTime":1626.18,"body":"call to vent, to crying,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1626.18,"endTime":1630.32,"body":"writing, journaling and just"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1626.18,"endTime":1630.32,"body":"getting it all out onto paper."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1630.92,"endTime":1635.42,"body":"Mentally, you might be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1630.92,"endTime":1635.42,"body":"researching, brainstorming,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1635.96,"endTime":1641.98,"body":"generating ideas for collective"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1635.96,"endTime":1641.98,"body":"action, for what you'll do,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1641.98,"endTime":1648.94,"body":"regardless of what happens, how"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1641.98,"endTime":1648.94,"body":"you might engage the world and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1648.94,"endTime":1653.92,"body":"your work and your friends and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1648.94,"endTime":1653.92,"body":"family. Just that thinking"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1653.98,"endTime":1661.2,"body":"piece, the analysis piece, the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1653.98,"endTime":1661.2,"body":"dump it all out cognitively."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1661.2,"endTime":1666.12,"body":"Piece. So I'll link in the show"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1661.2,"endTime":1666.12,"body":"notes to that episode where I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1666.12,"endTime":1672.12,"body":"dig into each one, as well as to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1666.12,"endTime":1672.12,"body":"the freebie on my resources page"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1672.36,"endTime":1676.2,"body":"that has a link to the quiz and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1672.36,"endTime":1676.2,"body":"all of that. If that would be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1676.2,"endTime":1682.28,"body":"something that you would feel"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1676.2,"endTime":1682.28,"body":"helpful. The other tool that I'm"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1682.46,"endTime":1688.82,"body":"going to give you is basically"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1682.46,"endTime":1688.82,"body":"five steps to center in call it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1688.82,"endTime":1696.14,"body":"a pinky process, pause. Allow"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1688.82,"endTime":1696.14,"body":"yourself space if breathing"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1696.2,"endTime":1698.96,"body":"helps you, and not everybody"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1696.2,"endTime":1698.96,"body":"resonates with breathing"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1698.96,"endTime":1701.86,"body":"practices, but if breathing"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1698.96,"endTime":1701.86,"body":"practices are helpful to you."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1702.88,"endTime":1709.3,"body":"Take a deep breath into your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1702.88,"endTime":1709.3,"body":"belly, let it out slowly, roll"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1709.3,"endTime":1713.8,"body":"your shoulders back, bring"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1709.3,"endTime":1713.8,"body":"attention to your body, to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1713.8,"endTime":1718.0,"body":"anything that feels tense and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1713.8,"endTime":1718.0,"body":"tight and constricted, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1718.0,"endTime":1724.92,"body":"breathe into that part of your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1718.0,"endTime":1724.92,"body":"body, allowing it to open eyes"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1724.92,"endTime":1730.38,"body":"for insight, checking in with"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1724.92,"endTime":1730.38,"body":"yourself, that insight into you."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1730.38,"endTime":1733.86,"body":"What are you feeling? So, going"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1730.38,"endTime":1733.86,"body":"back to that feeling practice,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1734.1,"endTime":1738.42,"body":"name it, where are you feeling"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1734.1,"endTime":1738.42,"body":"it, what's happening in your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1738.42,"endTime":1742.7,"body":"body, what unrelated factors"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1738.42,"endTime":1742.7,"body":"might be influencing your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1742.7,"endTime":1749.24,"body":"perception. Like to look at that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1742.7,"endTime":1749.24,"body":"hungry, angry, lonely, tired, in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1749.24,"endTime":1754.76,"body":"pain, any of those things that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1749.24,"endTime":1754.76,"body":"might be influencing your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1754.88,"endTime":1760.66,"body":"ability to see possibilities and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1754.88,"endTime":1760.66,"body":"options for yourself. N is for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1760.66,"endTime":1763.54,"body":"noticing your narrative,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1760.66,"endTime":1763.54,"body":"checking in with the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1763.54,"endTime":1767.92,"body":"interpretation that you have"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1763.54,"endTime":1767.92,"body":"about the situation. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1767.92,"endTime":1772.06,"body":"remembering feelings aren't"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1767.92,"endTime":1772.06,"body":"facts. They are information"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1772.06,"endTime":1776.56,"body":"about your experience of a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1772.06,"endTime":1776.56,"body":"situation, of a dynamic, of a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1776.56,"endTime":1782.88,"body":"circumstance, of yourself. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1776.56,"endTime":1782.88,"body":"looking at what is the story"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1782.88,"endTime":1787.26,"body":"that you're telling about the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1782.88,"endTime":1787.26,"body":"feeling that you're having,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1787.26,"endTime":1791.46,"body":"because sometimes our brain"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1787.26,"endTime":1791.46,"body":"picks up something, it goes, Oh,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1791.46,"endTime":1796.14,"body":"this is like this, all right."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1791.46,"endTime":1796.14,"body":"Fire off the hormones, and then"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1796.14,"endTime":1799.62,"body":"we have a feeling, and then it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1796.14,"endTime":1799.62,"body":"the feeling that we notice"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1799.62,"endTime":1803.06,"body":"first. That we then tell the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1799.62,"endTime":1803.06,"body":"story about, oh, my body just"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1803.06,"endTime":1806.18,"body":"constricted. My shoulders"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1803.06,"endTime":1806.18,"body":"hunched up. There must be danger"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1806.18,"endTime":1809.36,"body":"somewhere. I'm talking to this"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1806.18,"endTime":1809.36,"body":"person. It must be them, right?"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1809.36,"endTime":1815.18,"body":"Like it could be some story that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1809.36,"endTime":1815.18,"body":"you're telling about, the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1815.18,"endTime":1818.6,"body":"experience that you're having,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1815.18,"endTime":1818.6,"body":"the feeling that's happening,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1818.84,"endTime":1822.82,"body":"noticing that can then allow you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1818.84,"endTime":1822.82,"body":"to notice what's really"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1822.82,"endTime":1827.02,"body":"happening underneath it. As an"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1822.82,"endTime":1827.02,"body":"example, I had a client who"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1827.02,"endTime":1830.8,"body":"would start questioning herself,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1827.02,"endTime":1830.8,"body":"start feeling like an imposter,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1831.04,"endTime":1834.04,"body":"when she would be in a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1831.04,"endTime":1834.04,"body":"conversation and we'd look at,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1834.04,"endTime":1838.42,"body":"okay, well, what happens in that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1834.04,"endTime":1838.42,"body":"conversation that that story"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1838.48,"endTime":1841.02,"body":"activates and she realized it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1838.48,"endTime":1841.02,"body":"when that person that she's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1841.02,"endTime":1846.36,"body":"talking to starts looking"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1841.02,"endTime":1846.36,"body":"around, seems distracted, and it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1846.36,"endTime":1849.36,"body":"could be that that person has"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1846.36,"endTime":1849.36,"body":"ADHD, it could be that that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1849.36,"endTime":1851.58,"body":"person has other things on their"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1849.36,"endTime":1851.58,"body":"mind. It could be there's so"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1851.58,"endTime":1857.34,"body":"many ways of understanding that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1851.58,"endTime":1857.34,"body":"her brain would notice it, and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1857.58,"endTime":1861.98,"body":"she would feel the tension or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1857.58,"endTime":1861.98,"body":"the disconnect that was"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1861.98,"endTime":1864.44,"body":"happening between her and that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1861.98,"endTime":1864.44,"body":"other person, and that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1864.44,"endTime":1872.42,"body":"interpretation would be that she"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1864.44,"endTime":1872.42,"body":"wasn't being seen as valid or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1872.42,"endTime":1873.32,"body":"valuable."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1874.4,"endTime":1879.68,"body":"So we interrupted that with a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1874.4,"endTime":1879.68,"body":"question of, Hey, is everything"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1879.68,"endTime":1883.9,"body":"okay? How are you understanding"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1879.68,"endTime":1883.9,"body":"what I'm saying? So engaging"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1883.9,"endTime":1887.86,"body":"that person reconnecting, versus"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1883.9,"endTime":1887.86,"body":"telling the story and shutting"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1888.22,"endTime":1892.9,"body":"down, so noticing the narrative."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1888.22,"endTime":1892.9,"body":"The next is k, for knowledge."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1893.38,"endTime":1897.16,"body":"Know what is important to you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1893.38,"endTime":1897.16,"body":"and what you need. So this can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1897.16,"endTime":1901.44,"body":"go back to understanding your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1897.16,"endTime":1901.44,"body":"stress language, and what I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1901.44,"endTime":1904.68,"body":"didn't mention was the stress"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1901.44,"endTime":1904.68,"body":"language. Knowing your stress"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1904.68,"endTime":1907.5,"body":"language and understanding the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1904.68,"endTime":1907.5,"body":"dynamics of stress language, you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1907.5,"endTime":1911.04,"body":"may also be able to notice the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1907.5,"endTime":1911.04,"body":"stress language of the person"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1911.16,"endTime":1916.62,"body":"that you're interacting with,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1911.16,"endTime":1916.62,"body":"and when that goes off and what"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1916.62,"endTime":1919.8,"body":"they're seeking, kind of like"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1916.62,"endTime":1919.8,"body":"love languages. I dig further"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1919.8,"endTime":1924.02,"body":"into it in that episode. So"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1919.8,"endTime":1924.02,"body":"check that out, if that would be"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1924.02,"endTime":1929.42,"body":"helpful for you. And so knowing"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1924.02,"endTime":1929.42,"body":"what you need, what matters to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1929.42,"endTime":1932.72,"body":"you, in the situation, in the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1929.42,"endTime":1932.72,"body":"relationship, where are you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1932.72,"endTime":1937.22,"body":"making assumptions? Where could"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1932.72,"endTime":1937.22,"body":"you get curious? What else could"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1937.22,"endTime":1941.08,"body":"be true, at least two other"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1937.22,"endTime":1941.08,"body":"possibilities, if you can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1941.08,"endTime":1943.36,"body":"generate those, even just"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1941.08,"endTime":1943.36,"body":"looking for other possibilities"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1943.36,"endTime":1947.32,"body":"helps expand your perception."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1943.36,"endTime":1947.32,"body":"And then, of course, what would"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1947.32,"endTime":1952.42,"body":"help you get more clarity? And"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1947.32,"endTime":1952.42,"body":"then finally, why you choose"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1953.26,"endTime":1957.88,"body":"with your more open perspective"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1953.26,"endTime":1957.88,"body":"and choices, what action feels"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1957.88,"endTime":1960.72,"body":"most aligned with the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1957.88,"endTime":1960.72,"body":"relationship that you want to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1960.72,"endTime":1964.62,"body":"create. So consciously choose"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1960.72,"endTime":1964.62,"body":"the action that you're going to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1964.62,"endTime":1970.8,"body":"take in that moment and learn"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1964.62,"endTime":1970.8,"body":"from it. Finally, I want you to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1970.8,"endTime":1975.84,"body":"know that it is normal to lose"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1970.8,"endTime":1975.84,"body":"your cool. You're human. Give"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1975.84,"endTime":1979.26,"body":"yourself some grace with this,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1975.84,"endTime":1979.26,"body":"especially in the heightened"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1979.26,"endTime":1984.38,"body":"stress of this time, give"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1979.26,"endTime":1984.38,"body":"yourself more space, more rest,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1985.1,"endTime":1989.96,"body":"and know that it's normal to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1985.1,"endTime":1989.96,"body":"need that and to check in more."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1991.76,"endTime":1995.66,"body":"Finally, especially as it"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1991.76,"endTime":1995.66,"body":"relates to this election season,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1995.66,"endTime":1999.38,"body":"if you find you are reacting"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1995.66,"endTime":1999.38,"body":"strongly to new information,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1999.62,"endTime":2006.0,"body":"pause. That is, again, those"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":1999.62,"endTime":2006.0,"body":"emotions are indication of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2006.0,"endTime":2011.58,"body":"pausing. A lot of misleading"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2006.0,"endTime":2011.58,"body":"information is crafted to spark"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2011.58,"endTime":2015.84,"body":"confusion or strong emotions."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2011.58,"endTime":2015.84,"body":"There's a whole article on NPR"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2015.84,"endTime":2018.6,"body":"talking about that. I will link"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2015.84,"endTime":2018.6,"body":"it in the show notes. And"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2018.6,"endTime":2023.54,"body":"similarly, when information"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2018.6,"endTime":2023.54,"body":"aligns too closely with your pre"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2023.66,"endTime":2027.08,"body":"beliefs, the things you already"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2023.66,"endTime":2027.08,"body":"agree with and believe. It's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2027.92,"endTime":2030.92,"body":"important to take a moment to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2027.92,"endTime":2030.92,"body":"verify it, rather than just"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2030.92,"endTime":2034.88,"body":"sharing it out. We have a desire"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2030.92,"endTime":2034.88,"body":"to see our beliefs reflected"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2034.88,"endTime":2038.96,"body":"back to us. It gives us that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2034.88,"endTime":2038.96,"body":"recognition and that sense of"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2038.96,"endTime":2042.58,"body":"belonging, and so it's really"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2038.96,"endTime":2042.58,"body":"easy to agree with something"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2042.58,"endTime":2046.84,"body":"that reinforces our world view,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2042.58,"endTime":2046.84,"body":"even if it's not true. Now"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2046.84,"endTime":2050.98,"body":"that's not to say it's not true,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2046.84,"endTime":2050.98,"body":"but it is a cue. It is a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2050.98,"endTime":2057.7,"body":"reminder to slow down. Check"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2050.98,"endTime":2057.7,"body":"your sources. Check multiple"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2057.7,"endTime":2062.64,"body":"sources. Be careful with images"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2057.7,"endTime":2062.64,"body":"and videos and audios, because"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2062.64,"endTime":2067.38,"body":"they can be manipulated. And"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2062.64,"endTime":2067.38,"body":"remember it may take a while for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2067.38,"endTime":2074.28,"body":"us to know a full picture, so"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2067.38,"endTime":2074.28,"body":"take a pause. Do whatever"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2074.28,"endTime":2081.02,"body":"practices feel supportive for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2074.28,"endTime":2081.02,"body":"you. Reach out. It is so"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2081.02,"endTime":2085.94,"body":"important that we are doing our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2081.02,"endTime":2085.94,"body":"own work, to be able to engage"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2085.94,"endTime":2090.2,"body":"and connect in a healthy way, to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2085.94,"endTime":2090.2,"body":"be able to create the world that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2090.2,"endTime":2093.08,"body":"we want to see, to be able to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2090.2,"endTime":2093.08,"body":"feed into our communities, into"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2093.08,"endTime":2098.3,"body":"our relationships, in a way that"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2093.08,"endTime":2098.3,"body":"is generative and that builds"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2098.42,"endTime":2102.4,"body":"what we are trying to create."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2098.42,"endTime":2102.4,"body":"Not just thinking big, big, big"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2102.4,"endTime":2107.26,"body":"picture, but internally. How are"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2102.4,"endTime":2107.26,"body":"we creating? What are we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2107.26,"endTime":2110.56,"body":"creating within our families,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2107.26,"endTime":2110.56,"body":"within our family systems,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2110.74,"endTime":2118.48,"body":"within our community, as Shanika"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2110.74,"endTime":2118.48,"body":"Moore Clark, MSW, Li CSW, of the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2118.48,"endTime":2124.02,"body":"healing vibe, posted a few days"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2118.48,"endTime":2124.02,"body":"ago, activism work without"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2124.02,"endTime":2128.7,"body":"shadow work means we will likely"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2124.02,"endTime":2128.7,"body":"unknowingly project our"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2128.7,"endTime":2133.5,"body":"unresolved issues onto others or"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2128.7,"endTime":2133.5,"body":"the causes we are fighting for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2133.68,"endTime":2139.8,"body":"and perpetuate the very dynamics"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2133.68,"endTime":2139.8,"body":"we seek to change. So make sure"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2139.8,"endTime":2144.38,"body":"that you are doing your work to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2139.8,"endTime":2144.38,"body":"stay centered so that you can"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2144.38,"endTime":2150.62,"body":"show up into the spaces that you"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2144.38,"endTime":2150.62,"body":"can, that you are called to,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2150.62,"endTime":2156.14,"body":"that are available to you and"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2150.62,"endTime":2156.14,"body":"feed into the world the change"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2156.14,"endTime":2161.86,"body":"that you want to see in it, how"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2156.14,"endTime":2161.86,"body":"We engage, the energy that we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2161.86,"endTime":2166.18,"body":"show up with makes a difference."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2161.86,"endTime":2166.18,"body":"And finally, if you want"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2166.18,"endTime":2173.56,"body":"support, if you are looking for"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2166.18,"endTime":2173.56,"body":"someone who can help you, sift"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2173.56,"endTime":2177.28,"body":"through all of the learned"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2173.56,"endTime":2177.28,"body":"limitations, all of the stuff"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2177.52,"endTime":2180.96,"body":"that keeps us from showing up in"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2177.52,"endTime":2180.96,"body":"that way, addressing the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2180.96,"endTime":2185.7,"body":"patterns in our life so that we"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2180.96,"endTime":2185.7,"body":"can engage in a more aligned"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2185.7,"endTime":2189.78,"body":"way. That's what I'm here for."},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2185.7,"endTime":2189.78,"body":"And I do have some Pay What You"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2189.78,"endTime":2195.0,"body":"Can community price sessions"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2189.78,"endTime":2195.0,"body":"that are available. So I"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2195.0,"endTime":2197.34,"body":"encourage you to sign up if it's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2195.0,"endTime":2197.34,"body":"something that would feel"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2197.34,"endTime":2201.26,"body":"supportive for you, and I will"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2197.34,"endTime":2201.26,"body":"talk to you all next time,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2201.62,"endTime":2204.5,"body":"thanks for listening. I so"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2201.62,"endTime":2204.5,"body":"appreciate you being here. If"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2204.5,"endTime":2207.26,"body":"you got something out of today's"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2204.5,"endTime":2207.26,"body":"episode, please share it, leave"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2207.26,"endTime":2210.38,"body":"me a review, take a screenshot"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2207.26,"endTime":2210.38,"body":"and post it on social with a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2210.38,"endTime":2214.4,"body":"shout out to me. Send it to a"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2210.38,"endTime":2214.4,"body":"friend or you know, all of the"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2214.4,"endTime":2218.42,"body":"above. Want to hang out more,"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2214.4,"endTime":2218.42,"body":"join me on Instagram, or, better"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2218.42,"endTime":2221.44,"body":"yet, get on my mailing list to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2218.42,"endTime":2221.44,"body":"make sure you don't miss out on"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2221.5,"endTime":2226.06,"body":"anything, and remember your"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2221.5,"endTime":2226.06,"body":"possibilities are as unlimited"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2226.06,"endTime":2229.54,"body":"as you are. Allow yourself to"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2226.06,"endTime":2229.54,"body":"shine, my friend, the world"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2229.54,"endTime":2231.82,"body":"needs your light. See you next"},{"speaker":"Valerie Friedlander","startTime":2229.54,"endTime":2231.82,"body":"time you."}]}