Learning to Value Your Voice: Red Flags, Financial Safety, & Healing After Abuse with Jennifer Solarte

Learning to value your voice is a process of reclamation for many of us but particularly when you’ve experienced abuse. In this episode, I chat with the founder of &Rise, Jennifer Solarte, and we dive into practical mindset shifts, somatic awareness, and financial self-protection so you can break harmful cycles and rewrite your story with confidence. If you’ve ever questioned whether what you’re experiencing is “normal” or felt silenced in your own life, this conversation offers both validation and tools to help you rise.

Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:

• How to recognize when your voice has been silenced and finding you superpower
• Subtle and obvious red flags in relationships, including financial control and “jealousy as love”
• The importance of building financial safety, independence, and credit in your relationship
• The role of community, somatic awareness, and boundaries in healing after abuse and creating a future you choose

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This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching

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Transcript

Valerie Friedlander: 0:08

Hello, my friends, and welcome to another

episode of Mindset Unlimited: 0:10

Mindset Tips, Tools, and Inspiration for Women in a Time of Change. I'm your host, Valerie Friedlander, Certified Leadership Coach, Sociologist, Intersectional Feminist, Artist, Mom. and nerd. And today we are talking about finding your voice, red flags, financial safety, and healing after abuse. And I have figured out how to do an intro with the video editing stuff. Yes, I appreciate you all bearing with me as I my slow progression into learning new technologies. But here we are, and I'm really excited to introduce you to my guest, Jennifer Solarte. Jennifer is an author, entrepreneur, trauma life coach, Reiki master, somatic practitioner, and speaker who is passionate about helping women live their best lives after trauma and abuse. She is the founder of the nonprofit organization and Rise, whose mission is to empower women to be the ultimate versions of themselves, no matter their adversities. Jennifer has years of experience working with survivors and provides trauma-informed care to those she works with. Jennifer is a passionate advocate for all women and offers prevention education to help empower and educate women on healthy relationships, red flags, and healthy coping skills. Some of the things that we talk about in this episode include creating space to hear yourself, recognizing red flags in your relationships, financial self-care in relationships, whether it is an abusive relationship or otherwise, like a supportive relationship, always good things to know that a lot of us aren't taught, and what people put down about you might actually be your superpower, as well as what to remember when everything feels like it's falling apart, and of course the resources of and rise to support all women, especially those who have experienced abuse and trauma. So this was a wonderful conversation, and I know that you will enjoy it. Please feel free to reach out. Let me know what your thoughts are. I always love to hear from you, and be sure to click the links in the show notes to learn more about Jennifer and and rise and now without further ado, let's get started. Welcome, Jennifer. I'm so excited to have you on the podcast.

Jennifer Solarte : 2:49

Thank you so much for having me. Excited to be here.

Valerie Friedlander: 2:51

Awesome. So I provided everybody your bio, but I like to give my guests an opportunity to introduce themselves in your own words, in maybe the less formal than a red bio opportunity.

Jennifer Solarte : 3:07

Yeah. So my name is Jennifer Salarte. I am the CEO and founder of And Rise, and we are a 501 c3 nonprofit organization based in Chicago, but serving women and girls all over the country. And we empower women and girls to be the ultimate versions of themselves despite their adversity. So we do provide free mental health care and wraparound support. So we offer free counseling for women in Illinois. We offer 12 free weekly support groups, in person and virtual. We do a lot of youth programming now. So we're working out of Chicago Public Schools to provide consent workshops and healthy relationship workshops, as well as another program called the Nest, which is for teen girls and teaching them about emotional resiliency and healthy coping skills, and just giving them a safe place to talk about whatever's going on for them. And then we also have like career development services, so we help with resumes and mock interviewing skills. We have a women's book club that meets every other week, and we do a lot of events and workshops that you know help survivors in their journey, whether that's helping them heal or just giving them some resources and not advice, but just resources on different you know agencies out there or different laws that have changed and things like that around domestic violence and sexual assault. So yeah, that's a very quick overview of everything that we do at Andrise, and I'm also a public speaker. I am also an author and a coach, so I do a lot of different things. But Andrise is my first love, and it's my full-time job.

Valerie Friedlander: 4:35

Amazing, yeah, and such important work. So I'm I'm really excited to talk more about how you got into this, like what it's like to run everything, and then also really hone in on some of the stuff we were talking about before we hit record. Really looking at what are some things that people, you know, you don't know what you don't know, and sometimes those things are the things that are holding you back. Those, I don't. A lot of times, people think about like limiting beliefs, but it's like actually, it's not just in your head. There are real things going on, and when we are focused on the wrong thing,

Jennifer Solarte : 5:12

yeah,

Valerie Friedlander: 5:13

we're not able to to create the change that we're looking for. We end up stuck in cycles. So I want to chat about that to kick us off, I'm going to start with the question I like to ask all my guests: What is a limit that you took for granted that you have since unlearned?

Jennifer Solarte : 5:34

Yeah, definitely. I would say not having a voice in me. Well, because I was silenced for a long time, but I had that like my voice doesn't matter. Doesn't matter because people don't listen to me anyway. They don't believe me anyway, and that was the biggest limit, you know, for myself that I've now unlearned that like my voice is so incredibly powerful. And honestly, it was just an epiphany that I had about two years ago. It was in a car ride home. It was just, you know, just ruminating in my thoughts. Driving home one day, and you know, I don't really talk to a lot of my family. I've unfortunately had to go no contact with a lot of them because they weren't treating me the way I know I deserve to be treated, just like with basic respect and things like that. And so I was just thinking about it one day in the car, and I was like, wait, they've always tried to silence me and tell me that I'm too much and my voice is too loud and I'm super opinionated. So they've always been like, oh my gosh, she's always saying some crazy things, but that's just my personality. And then I was just like, wait a minute, like they're trying to like dim my light because my voice is my superpower. My voice is what makes me who I am, and it is what makes me powerful because I was silenced for so many years of my life, and I just now realize they did that on purpose because they know the power my voice also has. So they wanted me to stay quiet and stay in the corner, don't say anything, sit like you know, stay pretty and don't do anything. And I am not like that. I think that's partly why it bothers my family because I'm not like them at all, and that's honestly something that I'm I'm proud of because I've done a lot of things very differently and broken a lot of cycles, and it has not been easy to do that. But it's great for me in my healing journey, and also my kids are learning from that as well, and they're seeing me change and heal over time. And honestly, I think that that's kind of what life is all about. It's like breaking those cycles and making it better for future generations, so that they don't have to suffer or go through whatever it is that you went through. You know?

Valerie Friedlander: 7:33

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I have very much seen that both with myself and with other people that those things that are your superpowers that make you really special and stand out. Those are the things that the people who feel threatened by you will go after every single time. And so often, those places of the self doubt, like whether it was from family, your bullies were family, or whether your bullies were peers, so often those places where we have so much self doubt, when we dig into them, we find that actually there's there are gifts buried in there. And also, what is it about sitting in a car, like ruminating, that bring? Because that was like one of my biggest aha moments, where I was like, "Oh my gosh, I'm not being the agent of my life-that happened in the cars, listening to some music, driving, ruminating-and I went, "Wait a second! I'm not an agent of my life. I want to be an agent of my life. And yeah, so...

Jennifer Solarte : 8:33

I think you know what I think it is. I for me personally, it's the shower in the car because, especially when I don't have music playing or anything-that's when I get like ideas or an epiphany of some sort, and I think it's because the silence gives us the space to, you know, to be able to think about it and reflect on it, and then, and then it leads into the hey, the aha moment, you know?

Valerie Friedlander: 8:56

Yeah, yeah. I got one of those little notepads that you can have in the shower because that would happen where I'd have these ideas that would happen that existed.

Jennifer Solarte : 9:04

I love that.

Valerie Friedlander: 9:05

I know it was it was pretty cool. So yeah, but that's that's the power of having those space the space to to think and so much of our society and our world has us going going going all the time. So busy, to really give yourself room is so powerful. You mentioned that you had a lot of support to go. No, this is this is what I'm doing. This is this is who I am. Would you share a little bit about what that support looked like in your life.

Jennifer Solarte : 9:44

Yeah, well, I will say I did not have a lot of support, you know, early on in life and stuff like that. But now I have a very small but amazing support system. So my husband is like my number one cheerleader, super supportive of anything I ever tried to do. I say, hey, I'm going to start new business. He's like, okay, like, how do we do it? How do I help you get there? You know, so he's a really big contributor to like, you know, my life and it being healthy, also, right? Like, not being abusive.

Valerie Friedlander: 10:11

Yes, a partner makes a big difference in that.

Jennifer Solarte : 10:14

Yes, it absolutely does. It can make or break you, and because I've been in abusive relationships in the past, you know, and living with people who were abusive, it it can actually it it broke me, and you know that's why I made the promise to myself after my last abusive relationship that I was never going to allow anybody to treat me like that again because I'm like I'm a good woman I have a lot of good things going for me and any man should be thankful to be with me as you know what I told myself and then I was like I'm not going to date for a long time, and I didn't. And I, you know, just learned to love myself. I learned to be in a relationship with myself first because I was very codependent on people for a long time due to you know trauma and stuff like that, and had to learn to be okay with being in my own company and enjoying it. And that's how my self love started coming in and all that good stuff. So, but yeah. Anyway, and then also some other supportive people that I've had is like my sister, still you know really supportive, and just a couple of friends. I don't have a lot of friends, a very very small circle, but the people that are in it are genuine and they genuinely care about like my well-being. They check in on me, and unfortunately, with some of the people I've gone no contact with, even though they're blood, they didn't even do that. So I know that whoever I have in my corner now is healthy, and they're here for the right reasons, and they have my back, and they're very, very supportive, and I really appreciate that because when you kind of come from not having that big support system, you really cherish who is still in your corner, you know, many years later. And my friends, I've been friends with them for a really long time too, so I'm very thankful for that,

Valerie Friedlander: 11:41

yeah, yeah, and it really makes a huge difference to have people, even a small group, and even especially, I'm a big advocate of a team of support, and you have poured into creating a very holistic support. Tell me a little bit more about your mission. I mean, I have the specific written out message, which is on your website. Hold up, but I'd love to know about how you decided that was your mission.

Jennifer Solarte : 12:13

Yes, yes. So our mission is to empower women and girls to be the ultimate versions of themselves, despite their adversities, because we've all gone through something, whether it's a big trauma or a little trauma, we've all gone through something, you know, that has shaped us in our future. And so we are an organization where it's all about women empowerment, love, support, positivity. I do not like cattiness and mean girls. Like I had dealt with that my whole life, and I was like, I'm going to create this organization because I don't want that in here. I want it to be just all positivity and love, and like really about women empowerment. And I'm very, very strict about that. You can ask anyone that's come to a support group or my facilitators, anyone involved. I'm very like we have a no like a zero tolerance policy against mean girls and just you know cattiness and all that stuff, and I also think that women kind of have given been given that rep that like we all gossip and we all are mean to each other. And I don't believe that. Like, yes, there's a couple in there, but I've met so many incredible women, you know, throughout my journey. And whether that's like somebody else that's I'm collaborating on an event with, or just like a participant who comes and like they really care about changing and being better, and you know that's who we really support here. You know, not just about people to coming to like I don't know make friends. It's about people who are willing to do the hard work to change to be a better person to then make the world a better place. And I truly believe in like kind of that snowball effect. So like if I work on myself and heal. Now I can help girls and and rise, and then they're gonna heal, and then they're gonna help their kids, and then they're gonna help other people, and it's just gonna be this big snowball effect over time where we're all gonna end up like helping each other. And I think that that's what life is really all about. It's about community. I always remind people about COVID. We we were so quick to forget that that actually happened, but I'm like, remember COVID times and how much we missed being around people and how much we really needed community and how we didn't have that and how we yearned for it and we still need it. We are humans. We are made to be in community with others. We're not meant to be, you know, alone or isolated from other people. Especially when you're going through something rough and tough like you know trauma and abuse. You absolutely need a community to help you get through it. I mean, not saying you can't get through it without it, but it helps it a lot more when you have people who have your back and that are telling you, like, yes, I get it. You're not alone. You know, it's just that feeling of not being alone that makes the journey a lot easier because it's really hard, and it's really easy also for survivors to isolate. It's a normal trauma response, but that's why we always like advocate like still come to group or still go see your counselor because that's going to be how you're overcoming these things and working through them instead of like isolating and just not talking to anyone or being around anyone. And that might be okay for a little while, but not forever. You know?

Valerie Friedlander: 14:59

Yeah. Yeah. Well, having that supportive-I always think that chrysalis, right? Like when you're when you're healing, it's uncomfortable, and you do have to relearn who you are afterwards. You know, as someone who's who's gone through abuse myself,

Jennifer Solarte : 15:18

yeah,

Valerie Friedlander: 15:18

relearning myself, reclaiming myself required, you know, certain amounts of pulling inward, but not getting lost in that space and being around other people who could hold that space with me-not even necessarily for me, but like with me-that I knew I wasn't on my own, even though I had to do the work myself,

Jennifer Solarte : 15:43

yeah,

Valerie Friedlander: 15:43

I wasn't by myself.

Jennifer Solarte : 15:45

Yes, yeah, and you know something. I want to just chime in on on that really quick too. Is like a lot of ladies come through and they're like, "Ah, I have to start all over. What am I going to do? It's like terrible. And I was like, "No, think about that. How many people don't get to start over, you know, or never do. Maybe everybody has the option to, but a lot of people don't because it's too much work, it's too scary, and I don't know. But I'm like, that's the beauty of like healing, and you know, I do agree with you that I lost myself in my abusive relationship too, and I didn't know who I was by the end of it anymore because I had turned into this person that was just so scared and timid about everything, and I was scared. You know, it's kind of like that all the time. Anytime with somebody flinch, I'd be like, you know. So just having to like relearn who I was, and I'm like, you get to rediscover yourself. You get to like be whoever, and that's like part of like what we we say, right? Like your story isn't over yet. That's what the and means, and then the rise means rising above your adversity. So your story's not over yet. You could turn into whoever you want to be. If you wanted to be a freaking, you know, Olympic swimmer, there's still time to train and do that. It's never too late. You still want to go back to college. You never went. It's never too late, even if you're in your 50s, 60s. I hear ladies all the time. I'm too old. You are never too old. You're only too old when you're dead. Like you know, that's it. It's never too late to start over or reinvent yourself, and I just think instead of looking at it as like half glass empty, like oh man, that stinks, and you know what was me. It's like no, this is amazing. Who do I want to be? Amazing that you could even like think that way, and and because that's what I did. I was like, I want to be an empowered woman. I want to be successful. I want to be at peace. I want to be happy, and that's exactly who I am today because I worked really hard to make sure that you know I accomplished all the goals and things that I wanted to do. And there's still definitely a lot of work there that I have to do, but I'm very proud of all the work that I've done.

Valerie Friedlander: 17:33

I mean, once there's not work, that's when you're dead, right?

Jennifer Solarte : 17:37

Yes, that's also true. Yes, I feel like it's always work, no matter how you know much you heal and all that stuff, there's still always something to learn, and some some ways you can always grow for sure.

Valerie Friedlander: 17:47

Yeah, I think that's so powerful because that's the the idea that okay, there might be some things that there is a time limit to, and why you want that, what's important to you about that can open up all kinds of doors to what the next thing is, and so often people limit themselves to what like they're already doing. This is you know like what your vision is when there's nothing to constrain, or when you're in a period of change is a great time to really reflect on okay, what what's next? Who do I want to be? What do I want to build? And I was just talking about how the butterfly, like the caterpillar, when it digests itself into goo, there are those cells still left that know what the butterfly is. The caterpillars know, caterpillar doesn't have any idea, but there are cells that build the butterfly, and I think that's that's that was a really powerful awareness to be like, even if I don't know, I don't know up here, and I know you have somatic background, right? Like I don't know up here, but something in me

Jennifer Solarte : 19:02

the body knows

Valerie Friedlander: 19:04

knows who I am. I may have lost that, but something in here will help me, and I'll build. I love the. I that's I love your the name of your organization because I always think of improv. The yes and okay yes that happened. I acceptance doesn't mean saying it's okay. It's saying that it did happen, and not just ignoring it and trying to put a bandaid over it and pretend it's not there. It's going, yes, it happened, and this is what I'm going to do.

Jennifer Solarte : 19:34

Yes, and it's so powerful to say, you know, even to just say I'm gonna take the chance on this and heal myself like that's that's brave because it's not easy and I never sit here and tell anyone oh it's gonna be the best you know thing of your life. There's gonna be days where you feel great and there's gonna be days where you feel really bad you know but that's just part of the process and I always explain it like a a wound or an infected wound right like you can't just put a band. Over it and expect that it's just going to magically go away with the band-aid. Like, no, you're going to have to clean it, and it might be painful. It might be uncomfortable, but each day that you keep taking care of it, it'll start, you know, healing a little bit more. And even then, eventually, it turns into a scab. And even then, one day the scab will get itchy. You'll want to, you know, go at it, and you know, and then, but that's just part of the process. You know, like it's going to be uncomfortable, but eventually that then that cut will turn into a scar, so you never forget that it happened. But you'll you'll always just be able to see it and be like, oh yeah, that was from that one time. And one last thing is that like I think it's important to remember that like this is not happening to me. This is happening for me, and I think that that helps a lot in your journey too. Of like, what type of lesson am I? Is the universe making like making me learn right now? Is it because I need to uphold the boundary? Is it because I need to say no more often, or because I need to rest more often, and I'm not even listening to my own body of what it needs? You know, there's a lot of different things. So yeah, it's just instead of looking at it like, why is this happening to me? What lessons am I to learn from this situation, even though it's not comfortable? And I think that makes a huge difference in your journey as well.

Valerie Friedlander: 21:11

Yeah, I like to say I don't think that everything happens for a reason, but I think that I can always give it a reason, right? Like Abuse, trauma, those are things that we would never, you know. Like I don't, I don't like the idea that some higher power did this, you know, like this was a thing. And at the same time, while it shouldn't have happened, it's not okay that it happened. I get to own what I do with it.

Jennifer Solarte : 21:43

Yeah, exactly.

Valerie Friedlander: 21:44

I get to rise. I get to choose how I rise from it, and I get to take what I, the strength that I gained, the awareness that I gained. Oh, this is where I want to put a boundary. Oh, this is like you said before. Of like, I deserve better than this. Now I know what I don't want, and this reminds me of something that we talked about like right at the beginning, before we even started recording about the those red flags or those things that like so often it the the dynamics have been normalized. We don't know what's not okay because we're so used to what's not okay being the norm, and so we don't see that. Oh, actually, you know, part we know, part our bodies know. Like that's why we we develop all these physical illnesses, all the studies around the inflammation in the body and the illnesses that go along with it. So our body knows, but that doesn't mean that we know because we're just well. I just have to deal with this. This is just what it is.

Jennifer Solarte : 22:52

Yeah.

Valerie Friedlander: 22:53

And so I would love for you to share with listeners what are some of the things that you've noticed that people have normalized that you know oh actually this isn't okay because sometimes we need to hear that from outside of ourselves like actually that's that's not that's not okay you deserve to have better than that and you might not be able to make the choice to leave yet, but you deserve the ability to know that this isn't okay, and you deserve better, and you can start building towards

Jennifer Solarte : 23:30

yeah

Valerie Friedlander: 23:30

what that better looks like.

Jennifer Solarte : 23:32

Yeah, for sure. I definitely have a lot. I guess the first one is kind of an obvious one that I think also can be misconstrued, if you will. So jealousy, right? Oh, my man, just you know, super jealous because he loves me so much, and that's always a telling sign that it's insecurity, and that that jealousy is gonna like go into other areas of your relationship, right? Like maybe not letting you see friends or family or do your whatever hobbies and things that you like, because they want you to only be around them and stuff like that. That's always like an important sign because healthy relationships will always allow you to have other relationships. That's normal and it's actually healthy. It's actually unhealthy to only be around your one person. You know, like my partner, and that's the only person I could be around. That is not healthy. They should have their own friend group and go out with them once in a while. You should have your own friend group, and you know you have your own hobbies. It shouldn't just your whole world should not revolve around one person because what happens if that person leaves or something happens to them? Then then what do you do? So you should always have your own stuff going on. Another one that's always very very concerning to me is financial stuff. You meet someone new, and and I'm just using this as like a man in this example because you know we're women, so we're gonna assume that whoever this is is a man. You know, you meet him, he wants to take care of you right away. And I mean, and there's a lot of women that I think get trapped into that because they're like, oh my god, it finally. A man who actually like wants to take care of me and pay my bills and like let me stay home and I don't have to work amazing, but that is how so many ladies get into these abusive relationships because the you know the guy kind of tricks them at I'll take care of you don't worry or you stay home with the kids or you hadn't start making a lot of babies and then the woman has no savings no job never you know, maybe she didn't go to college, or she's not utilizing skills. And then, you know, when things get really bad and she needs to leave, she has no money, no resources to leave, and that's exactly why they do that to make sure that you aren't able to leave if you need to, and making sure that you don't have the money or any type of resources to be able to. So I always say, make sure you have at least some type of personal savings on of your own, even if it's just like two, $3,000, something small. So if you need to get on a plane, or if you need to, you know, get an Uber, or you need to go stay at a hotel for a night or a couple nights, you at least have that because it's. I've seen so many ladies just be stuck with these people and then have to go back. I see a lot of them go back because they're like,"Well, it's easier to do this because I don't have any, you know, money to even start over on my own. So then they just go back.

Valerie Friedlander: 26:07

Yeah, building credit was another one that was a real something that was brought to my attention. Even in a healthy relationship, so often everything gets put in one person. Typically, in a heterosexual relationship, it's the man's name, and so we made sure that one credit card was in my name, so that something happens to him. I'm still building credit because even in a healthy relationship, if you're not building credit, and say you lose your partner, or say it something changes and you don't stay together, if you don't have any credit, that can be a real issue too.

Jennifer Solarte : 26:41

Yeah, it can be really hard. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's definitely something to keep in mind as well. Yeah, just making sure all your finances are in order without that other person. Like you should be able to be like independent without them. And I think that that's just really important. And that's why I hate this whole trad wife trend that's becoming really popular with the young ladies because I'm like these ladies are so young and their brains not even fully developed yet to understand that that is such a red flag based on everything that I just said. Plus, I think by the time they realize that it's like okay, I'm not 19 anymore now. I'm 30, and now I have nothing, you know. And and they're like very proud of it, and I'm like it just it makes me cringe because I'm like we're you know you should have your own stuff and not fully just your life plan shouldn't be to rely on one person to take care of you. Because maybe he he's a great husband and a great dad and everything, but what if he dies? Maybe he won't cheat on you or ever leave you. But what if he dies? Because that's an absolute possibility and it happens every day. And so, what's your life plan? How are you going to take care of your kids if you have like you know no education or no money saved or anything like that. So that's that's just why you should always have you know just those things in order just in case. It's just in case. And it's unfortunate that we have to think like that as women, but we have to think like that as women. This is the world we live in.

Valerie Friedlander: 27:55

I mean, on so many levels, like you said, I've had several friends who have lost their spouse to colon cancer, and the navigating the grief of that. Then, if you haven't gotten your finances in order, because so many people are like, "Well, I want it all, you know, together, because you know that's a sign sign that I love somebody or like that I trust them. You know, financial stuff is trust, but trust goes both ways, and as long as you're communicating and working together, that can look a variety of different ways. But you do want to be mindful of how the world is, how life is, and all of the legal things that go into if something does happen.

Jennifer Solarte : 28:39

Plus, with all the laws changing, with everything happening with this administration and how they are making sure that if you're like in a certain state, like if your husband dies, oh well, all that money is just going to go somewhere. Like it's really concerning everything that's happening right now.

Valerie Friedlander: 28:54

So trust goes both ways.

Jennifer Solarte : 28:56

Trust absolutely goes both ways. It's not just for the woman and it's not just for the man. Yes. Yeah.

Valerie Friedlander: 29:01

If your husband should want you to be well and safe, should something happen.

Jennifer Solarte : 29:06

Yeah, yeah.

Valerie Friedlander: 29:07

Just healthy relationship stuff.

Jennifer Solarte : 29:09

Yeah, and then I just have like one more. I would say is respect. I always say respect is the basic foundation of any relationship. If that person, and and and let's not even say is a romantic partner. This could be a friend, family member, coworker, any relationship that you might have. Respect is the basic basic line, and if they don't respect you, that is a huge red flag because respect is the basic thing that everybody should have in any relationship, no matter who it is. And then the powerful thing about this is like now you're noticing that they don't respect you. So now, what are you going to do? Are you going to continue to take the disrespect? If that's your choice, then that's one thing. But if you're like, no, I'm not going to take it, then that's your choice, and then you get to decide: Does that mean I'm just I'm cutting this person off completely, or I'm just going to maybe decrease my time with them, or I only talk to them about certain things? You know, that's the beauty about boundaries. You get to decide what the boundary is, and you get to decide how. Extreme or not extreme, it is, and and that's why that's why I'm kind of like tying it back to what I said in the beginning of like rewriting to who you are. Like you get to make the rules, and I think women are so incredibly powerful, and we have been told over and over that we're not, and that men are powerful, and that they are better than us, and that we're too emotional, all these things. But like we actually do have a lot of power, and I think they know that, and that's why they're trying to silence us. That's why they're taking all of our rights away, because they know that like we do have a lot of power, and I think we need to remember how much power we also have. We really do, and a lot of things are in our hands. And I just think that you know we're so conditioned to not having a voice and like people listening to us,

Valerie Friedlander: 30:41

yeah.

Jennifer Solarte : 30:41

But just remembering, you do have one, and it's there, and it's powerful, and that's for a reason.

Valerie Friedlander: 30:46

Yeah. Well, and that too emotional thing is wild to me because emotions are so much information. Yeah. Right. Emotions have so much to tell us about boundaries that we need to set, ways that we need to take care of ourselves, like what's going on.

Jennifer Solarte : 31:06

Yeah,

Valerie Friedlander: 31:06

it's knowing that you know emotions aren't facts, but they are information about what's going on. And of course, you're gonna say, "Oh, you're too emotional. It's like a traditional gaslighting, right?

Jennifer Solarte : 31:20

Yes, absolutely. You know, I just made a TikTok video about that the other day. I'm like, it's interesting how they say that we're too emotional to lead a country or right be CEOs and all these things. I was like, but the same people who say that let us raise their kids. But I'm too emotional. I'm not. I'm not too emotional to raise your kids, right? And like create a whole new generation with you and take care of your household and cook your meals. You, you know, I might poison you, but you you trust me in that sense. But not to do anything else, just to make babies and cooking clean and stuff like that. But it's just interesting when you really like put it into perspective. Like we do a lot that we are trusted with, but when it comes to like having power, they're like, nah, you guys can't handle it.

Valerie Friedlander: 31:59

Yeah, yeah, all the gender roles of like

Jennifer Solarte : 32:02

yeah

Valerie Friedlander: 32:03

again power where we recognize our own power and that's such a important reflection. I'd love for you to share because you hit on so many things that I know that you work with folks on, and you have support groups, you do workshops, you do coaching, and all all of these things. And I know that it hits on a lot of these topics: the financial piece, the legal piece, the boundary setting, all of those. Would you give us a kind of a snapshot of what resources that you offer women. So, say somebody is listening to this and they're like, you know what? I I don't have the financial piece together, or I I don't know, or hey, maybe there is a flag here that I need to take a look at. I don't know for sure yet, right? But maybe I could at least use some support. You could use a place that's not catty that doesn't, you know, like to connect with other women. Where it's going to be a safe place and not one that I'm used to, where women are holding each other down because we have been trained to, you know, protect the men by keeping each other down. All that fun stuff, but like tell tell us a little bit more about what you've built.

Jennifer Solarte : 33:26

Yeah, so we do offer the free counseling in Illinois. So all of our counseling is led by BIPOC counselors. So they all you know are are people of color and they speak multiple languages. We do in person and telehealth. We don't ever ask for immigration status or insurance information because we pay for everything outright because we're trying to make it as accessible as possible to as many people as possible who need it. Our supporter program we have 12 groups that run per week. We run them on the north side of Chicago at our office. We also service Vernon Hills, Illinois, which is in Lake County, and then we actually just started a group. I think it starts today, actually, in California, in Paris, California. So that's really exciting. We're seeing how that goes out there. And all of our support groups are on different topics. We have topics that are just for like general trauma and abuse. We have a group for sexual abuse. There's one for domestic abuse. There's one for emotional abuse. We have a narcissistic abuse group. There's one for chronic pain, chronic chronic pain, chronic illness, and medical trauma. There's one for boundaries, and then there's one for toxic relationships. So there's more, but but yes, you get the gist. There's a lot of different topics that I think are really helpful to a lot of people who are you know everybody's stories are different, so they're all going through something different. But you know, those groups are really our most popular program because that's where a lot of ladies get their weekly support, especially ladies who might not have a support system or a lot of people who understand what they're going through. That's kind of the unfortunate part of going through this too. Is sometimes if people haven't been through it themselves, they truly don't understand or know how to support you properly. So that's also where our support groups come in, and then we also do, like I mentioned, our youth programming. We also, if we don't offer a service to you that you need, for example, we don't offer legal services, but we have partnerships with family law attorneys who do take those referrals for us. If you're looking for like housing or food or anything like that. We have partnerships with other organizations. So, like, if there's something that we don't do or offer, we always have plenty of resources of other like partnerships that we have with other people. We also have like a wait list right now for our counseling. So, like, if it's too long for you to wait, we'll refer you to another you know counseling organization that will do it for free as well. So, there's definitely a lot of of stuff that we do. Trying to think, and then the financial education as well. We do. I think this year we were doing three workshops this year, and we have done it focused on financial abuse, what that looks like, how to kind of overcome it, just different tools and tips and tricks on, you know, how to overcome. And then we also have a partnership with a couple of people on our website as well, where they like give you like a like a 30 minute like coaching session or something like that. So if you are kind of like interested in like looking into your finances or you know you've been through financial abuse and you're looking for recovery, we have a lot of resources on our website about that as well. So yeah, so that's just you know some of the the stuff that we we do, but we do also you know like if people email us, we'll we'll we'll give them recommendations because we always get people asking us like what do you which thing that you guys offer do you think is best for me? We can't always tell you what's best for you because only you're gonna know what's best for you, but we can definitely give you the options and help you choose. You know, but we're not going to choose for you, so yeah,

Valerie Friedlander: 36:42

yeah. What's the best way for people to connect with those resources?

Jennifer Solarte : 36:48

Yeah, definitely visit our website. Every single thing is on our website. Any, if you're interested in any of our services, all of them could be signed up through the website. So, like if you're interested in counseling or a support group or a workshop, all that can be done. So through there, so just be www.womenrisechicago.org,

Valerie Friedlander: 37:05

And that link will absolutely be in the show notes. I wonder, as we head towards the end of our time, what is if there was like one thing that you want listeners to take away from this conversation, what would it be?

Jennifer Solarte : 37:26

I would say again that how powerful you are, and don't ever forget that, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. And that you know your story's not over yet. There's more to tell, you know. And how do you want your story to end, and I would also say too, the only the the only person that that benefits from silence and from you being silent and not saying anything or speaking up is the oppressor slash abuser. If someone's abusing you, they're the only ones that win from your silence, and that's why I say that's why our voices are so powerful, and that's why we do have to speak up against or speak out against these things because that's why we see everything happening in our country the way it is now. Because so many people have turned a blind eye, and then when you have more and more people turning blind eyes, then it just continues to happen. And that same individual or several individuals just continue to do it to more and more people. So it does really matter. Your voice does, no matter who tells you, it doesn't matter. It's important, and that's the reason why people want to silence it. So, if you weren't powerful, they wouldn't care about silencing your voice. So, just don't forget that.

Valerie Friedlander: 38:34

So true, and that is one of the biggest things that that idea, as you were saying about generational change, working on my own stuff,

Jennifer Solarte : 38:45

yeah,

Valerie Friedlander: 38:46

to be able like working on my own stuff, gathering the people around me to support me in finding and using my voice, and then doing that and teaching my kids to do that to be upstanders, not bystanders, not just when they're experiencing something, but when they see, you know, because I'm raising two white boys in this world, and so when they see injustice happening, that they're well and secure in themselves to be able to stand in solidarity and say that's not okay, but we have to take care of ourselves to be able to do that, have to do that inner work, and I and the somatic work is so key for that as well. That I really I that was one of the things that really stood out for me was I was like ah, too many people haven't brought that into practice, and I, yes, it's such an important piece. So...

Jennifer Solarte : 39:44

So important, yes. And like last thing I'll say too is also listen to your body somatic. Like it's, I I always say that our body knows before our brain can process what's going on. So when you get that little gut feeling and when that feels like you're going to go down a roller coaster where you're like, oh, you know. Like that feeling is there. If something about someone feels off, follow your gut. If you think that they were, you know, throwing a low key dig, and you need to ask 10 friends, like, hey, did you think that that was? If your initial thought was that was a dig, it was a dig. Follow what you feel. Trust what you feel. I think that we've also been taught there's so many systems around us that were put in place to make sure that we don't trust what's inside, and we trust all the systems around us. And as we see, all the systems around us don't work, and they are majorly flawed. So trust what you have inside. We all have it, especially us women. We are super blessed with that women's intuition, and it's there for a reason, and it's there to guide us.

Valerie Friedlander: 40:38

Yeah, I put that in the. Your voice is powerful. Your inner voice is powerful, and it's just a it's just a muscle to learn to listen to it again when you haven't been listening to it. You might not have been listening to it, but that doesn't mean you can't start now.

Jennifer Solarte : 40:56

Exactly, it's never

Valerie Friedlander: 40:57

you know just because you haven't been, it's still there.

Jennifer Solarte : 40:59

Still there. Just like exercising, you're not gonna expect, you know, like to get a bicep by doing a couple of reps. You got to keep exercise, you know, and then eventually get your muscle. Same thing, yeah.

Valerie Friedlander: 41:09

Keep listening, keep listening, and keep speaking. Awesome. So all the links are going to be in the show notes. Get on your newsletter, find your website, and all that. I know you also have some fundraising because a big part of what your work is is making sure that it's accessible to people and so as we all know fundraising is kind of key to that. I know you have one coming up soon, but I that you also have other ones. You want to do a quick plug for that one that's coming up.

Jennifer Solarte : 41:40

Yes, I would love to. Thank you. Yes, so we have our comedy for a cause fundraiser coming up on september 12 at 4p.m. at Zany's in Chicago. Tickets are only $45 each, and we are really hoping to sell out this show. It'll be an all-women lineup of comedians because you know it's your girl's girl. You're gonna love it. We did it last year. This was a really fun event. It was a great way to raise money while also having fun.

Valerie Friedlander: 42:05

Laughter is the best medicine.

Jennifer Solarte : 42:08

It absolutely is, and I personally love stand-up comedy, which is why I also do this as well. So there will be raffle prizes, but we'll also be doing a 50-50 split the pot. So like you can leave with cash that day if you win. There will be silent auction items, and yeah, there's going to be a lot of fun things to do. So I definitely recommend if you're free and you want to give back to a great cause and have a great afternoon out, definitely you can find that event on our website under the events page, and you get your ticket before they're gone.

Valerie Friedlander: 42:35

So get on the newsletter so you get the heads up on things that are coming up. If you listen to this after that, and you can't make it. There will be more. There's also a way to donate on the website, and if you can make it, then definitely sign up.

Jennifer Solarte : 42:49

Bring a friend.

Valerie Friedlander: 42:50

Yeah, come bring a friend. Come on out. It'll you know if you're in Chicago or hey if you're not trip. Yes, come visit. So thank you so much. I like to wrap up with two questions. One is, what does it mean to you to be unlimited?

Jennifer Solarte : 43:07

What does it mean to me to be unlimited? It means everything because I feel like I'm I'm not limited anymore in in a lot of what I do. I kind of just I feel like I reach for the stars, and I know some people think it might be crazy, but I'm like, I just think that we're supposed to reach for the stars, and other people are supposed to think we're crazy, and that's okay. They they might not understand, but as long as you understand what you're going for, that's all that matters. And I think it also things are placed on our hearts for a reason, and I think it's our responsibility to investigate what that is and then go for it instead of just like thinking about it, I'm like, oh well, I'll do it later, and never getting around to it, you know?

Valerie Friedlander: 43:44

Yeah, yeah. And when you want to evoke that unlimited feeling, what song do you listen to?

Jennifer Solarte : 43:54

You know, what song... Even though I'm not too crazy about Beyonce, but that Survivor song with Destiny's Child, I love that song. It's just so empowering, and it just like makes me feel you could do anything. Honestly,

Valerie Friedlander: 44:07

yeah, yeah, awesome. And that will go on our unlimited mindset, unlimited playlist that you can find on Spotify and Apple Music. And Jennifer, thank you so much for joining me,

Jennifer Solarte : 44:21

thank you for having me.

Valerie Friedlander: 44:22

It's been such a pleasure.

Jennifer Solarte : 44:23

Yeah, you too. This was fun.

Valerie Friedlander: 44:24

And thank you, everybody, for listening. It's always great to have you. And I'll see you all next time.