Trust Your Own Knowing and Build Self-Confidence

Most discussions about manifestation focus on the mind and willpower influencing the external world in the form of resources, people, and opportunities. This is spoken of in Yang terms such as intention, focus, right action and being "all in". When the discussion turns to manifesting ourselves, it tends to change focus and become Yin or receptive. We're prompted to meditate so we can become aware of our inner self. To open our awareness to the influences all around us. To feel into or look at what might be blocking us from whatever it is we're trying to do or be. The more centered, grounded, balanced and still we can be the better.

To be clear, none of this is wrong. However, like toy aisles which have predetermined boy and girl toys in blue and pink packaging, there is a false opposition created which can lead to confusion, frustration, and a lot of mixed results. 

For example, while manifesting very much should be seen as an activity, it is not solely rooted in nor even mainly occurring in the mind. Nor should we see our ongoing personal manifestation as something we are subject to or victimized by. Instead we can look at these as two parts of the same process. Breath In/Breath Out.

Manifestation of any kind, internal or external, is a full body experience. Just check with anyone who has given birth. ;) For clarity, I liken the manifesting process to brushing your teeth. You become aware mentally that your teeth need to be brushed (either by feel or by the clock), you decide to brush them, you have the supplies to brush them, and you have the necessary skills to do this whether by hands or feet. However, none of this means diddly or squat unless you can get yourself to the appropriate sink. 

To brush your teeth your lower half needs to bring you there. Your pelvis needs to support your upper half while it works, your legs and feet need to support you if only so you balance correctly in whatever mobility device you use. 

In other words, to walk the path you need to actually walk it. To manifest in the world, you need to truly be in it, physically, and, due to gravity, this means you need to exist not only in your head and heart, but in your pelvis, thighs, knees, ankles and feet.

This is at the heart of most traditional physical spiritual practices such as Capoeira, Karate, Tai Chi Chuan, Aikido, Judo and others. Awareness of self and others is drawn down to the sacral Chakra and allowed to be active/receptive. Not only is this part of the process calming, centering, and grounding, but it fills our brain/body/mind with wisdom only our lower half contains including Trust, Knowing and Self-Confidence.

To understand how this works, it helps if we look at how we've come to perceive and misperceive them.

Trust

While trust is something we instinctively know is something we do, we are taught to think of it as a noun, as an object. Therefore, we talk about it as something we give or don't. We either have it or we don't. It can be broken and when it does, we don't know how to repair it. We come to think of it like a cup where the handle broke off. No matter how you glue it back on, it won't bear weight and so the cup is basically useless for hot things.

Trust is often lumped into the category of emotions. You can feel trusting, feel someone is trustworthy, or if a situation can be trusted to be what it seems to be. All of which encourages us to experience trust as something happening in our heart chakra. That if we were just more open, we could be more trusting, and everything would work out for the best.

However, there is a nagging aspect to this which can give us pause. And that is, when we feel a warning telling us perhaps we shouldn't trust something or someone, it doesn't come from our heart, but instead from our gut. The message is much lower, more visceral, and much more connected to actions than the mirage of words.

Knowing

When I speak about knowing, I'm not referring to anything intellectual. Whether or not we know 72 digits of Pie just speaks to how much of a mathematician or nerd we are. :) Instead I'm referring to what people mean when they say, "I don't know how I know, I just know."

This is akin to but different from intuition. Again, Breath In/Breath Out. Intuition is a receptive form of manifestation. It's lovely to think of this in very simple terms, but just as we are complex creatures, the way in which we are interconnected with the universe is just as complex. Also, Akasha, which is both energy and information, is constantly flowing into us from everything around us. So, we are intaking from not only our immediate surroundings, family-coworkers-friends, groups and communities we associate with, but also from our neighborhood and geographic area more broadly through weather, traffic and news. We are also intaking from things nationally, ancestrally, racially, politically, not to mention globally.

Intuition gathers all this information, sorts it for relevance, then feeds the various bits into our mind/body/brain for processing. Hence, we can know about someone's illness before the email, can sense someone focusing on us even though they aren't there to look us in the eyes, and can feel overwhelmed by events without ever reading/hearing the latest news.

Knowing is the active or outward moving side of Akasha. It is energy and information coming from within us, from our soul, as well as from the Universe beyond embodiment, which is being translated through our body into something actionable. When we talk about this type of knowing, because we are taught all knowing must be mental, since we have a brain, we use terms which create a mystery around it. This knowing isn't brain processed and therefore must have no known origin and be mystical in some fashion. That our mind, in reality, includes both the brain and the body is a relatively new awareness within the scientific community and is only now making its way out of the field of Neurobiology into other areas such as Psychology and Sports Medicine.

Self- Confidence

In Western culture we're taught our brain controls everything, our body is a mechanism, and if we can't get our body to do something, we must be doing something wrong. Life is to a great extent placed on a framework of success or failure. The metrics for this is first given to us by our parents, then school and friends, then work, community and significant other(s) in succeeding layers. We are told what we're good at, what we're not, and constantly given feedback, mostly concerning what we're not. We're taught to strive, to never give up, to succeed (whatever that is determined to mean) and to always be moving forwards.

All of this is put into mechanistic terms of using our body for purposes the mind determines. And if the body won't or can't comply then it needs to be adjusted, improved, bullied and forced. Which gives us situations such as children struggling in school because they are kinesthetic (physical/spatial) learners rather than readers. Or children coming to see themselves as stupid because they are dyslexic in some form and so can't perform to the tests and projects being assigned to them.

Right now, our world is filled with what is termed inspiration porn. Messages about the exceptional people who overcome overwhelming odds through grit and will power. Or those who simply live successfully despite not fitting the metrics and framework our culture expects them to. All of this is meant to lift us up emotionally, program our mind intellectually and somehow we will translate all of this energy into action in our own lives. Yet, more often than not, it acts like junk food. We get a quick lift and then an equally swift crash which leaves us feeling worse about ourselves than we did as nothing has actually changed. The emotional equivalent of having taken in empty calories.

So, when it comes to self-confidence, we end up experiencing a disconnect between what our mind thinks should and could happen and what actually does happen. For those who want to fix it, the common wisdom is to look for what is lurking in the subconscious which is preventing our thoughts and desires from translating into actions. Scalpels are handed out with instructions on where to dig, how to cut, and what to sever in order to be free from whatever internal structure has us stuck.

While this can be amazingly helpful in helping us create self-awareness, it can also be a trap. If we dig, cut, and sever but are still unable to bridge the gap into achievement, we have created just one more thing we have failed in doing. 

What all three of these have in common, Trust, Knowing, and Self-Confidence, is they are skills, rather than emotions or states of being, as well as active wisdom which is generated from the lower half of us.

It can help if we think of ourselves as having two equally wise, intelligent and proactive halves of ourselves, like an hourglass. The upper half, from the natural waist or belly button to the top of our head, is the thinking and emoting half. Full of logic, creativity, practicality and desire to embrace the world, this half can be thought of in terms of "Doing". Our mind is always on the go doing this or planning on doing that, inventing possibilities, potentials, and evaluating opportunities for the next doing. Meanwhile our hands and our hearts our engaged in what we're already doing and trying to get done.

The lower half of us, from the natural waist or belly button down, is the physically active part of us. It supports us in who we are, where we want to go, how we want to get there, and how we want to be while we're doing all the doing. It is interactive with everything around us, keeping us safe from things as varied as the step we need to not stub our toe on to the air it's not safe to breath. It encourages us to eat what is good for us or needful in the moment and encourages us to seek out what is best for us in the short and long term even when this is a direct contradiction to what we are doing. In short, this the part of us which is about "Being".

Trust is a skill. 

Think of every action movie where the characters come to a bridge over a deep chasm. The issue is not whether they emotionally trust the bridge, gravity, or the span between themselves and the other side. The issue is can they physically trust each step of the crossing. Hence the plot is about what they physically choose to do in order to cross. Do they go forward slowly? Reduce their weight by dropping any goods they are carrying? Problem solve to find another, safer means for crossing? Go as fast as possible so momentum and stride will minimize the amount of times their weight impacts the structure? 

All of which points to an underlying assumption: the characters trust their own physical capabilities to do what needs to be done in this extreme situation.

This type of trust isn't innate. Like a muscle, it is developed over time through action. By repeating something over and over with even marginally positive results, we learn ourselves, our boundaries, our stretchy and damaging edges, and our potential for becoming more. The more we use it, the more we have.

This is in part why in relationships forgiveness is not a remedy for trust. If someone has acted in a way which has violated our trust, they have not just damaged the relationship, but created an impact injury in us. Our ability to trust ourselves must be supported and healed just as we would a broken bone. It needs to be splinted and then exercised gently over time. Their behavior needs to change so it no longer violates our trust. If the violations continue, we need to take action to remove ourselves from them in order to prevent further injury. Our ability to trust needs to be healed and repaired, in part by understanding the situation and all the parties involved, but also in their actions going forward.

If we think of trust as something we do rather than feel, then it's easier to see how we can reconfigure our daily routine to accommodate physical activities which promote it. Choose one thing you can do in the day, which is completely for you and easily accomplished, then add it to the middle of your To-do list rather than the end. Just the act of physically placing it higher on the priority list builds trust. Following through with doing it builds even more.

Choose one evening or day on the weekend to do something you physically enjoy doing, then put it on the calendar. Throughout the week allow yourself to gather everything you need to do it as well as prevent all the external influences which might distract you or require your energy and attention during that time. Then, if you can, follow through and do it. The more you do, the more trustworthy you become, the better able you will be to evaluate whether someone else is trustworthy, and act accordingly.

Knowing is an autonomic function. Everyone has it just like they have a pulse. Acting on what you know is a skill.

Because we are taught only our mind can know things, the source of our non-mind knowing is a mystery, and therefore can't be trusted, we learn to ignore and even block what we know. This can lead us to absolutely knowing something is wrong for us, is not what we want, or a bad thing in general, and we'll go ahead with it anyway. It can also allow us to second guess situations in the moment. This is one of the contributing factors in abuse, sexual assault, and domestic violence. Our brains tell us to ignore the wisdom of our pelvis, stop our legs from walking us out of the situation, and steer us into forgiving just one more time in the face of all the evidence we shouldn't.

If you need to remember how to know what you know, start a meditative style mindfulness practice of checking your gut. Not with things you have questions about, but things you don't. Check your gut about what you're cooking for dinner. Know it's healthy but uninteresting? Check. Know it's not healthy but what you can do in the moment? Check. Or check on activities. Is this movie going to be one you like? Check. Are these shoes going to be good for your arches? Check.

Set yourself the spiritual/physical goal of doing this check in at least once an hour, but for every action or category of thing you do throughout the day if you can. Good for me to shower now? Check. Good for me to wear this? No? Check. The more you do the more you remember how to do it. And the more you'll start hearing a "No" rather than an automatic "Yes". Or a "Maybe...." which should prompt you to take a second to ask, "Then what?"

Once you've restarted the relationship with your knowing, the skill is to act on that knowing. Not as an optional thing, not as an extra bit of desert at dinner or some small thing you grab in the checkout line, but as a means for supporting your entire life. Before you make any decision, small/medium/large, check in with your gut knowing. If you're not sure or you get a bad hit on things, don't second guess or just go ahead with it. Back up and start checking in. Move your awareness into your pelvis and then reevaluate what you think you know. Wisdom will start coming through stronger, louder, and more clearly. Once it does, don't become untrustworthy by ignoring it. Value yourself, value your knowing, and act on its wisdom even in the face of common sense or what you "should" do.

Self-Confidence is a skill. We build it by doing.

There is a weird Catch-22 we develop as adults. We have to feel confident in ourselves before we can do something, but we can't build our confidence until we do the thing, possibly many times over. So, we never start and end up stuck in the Purgatory of "someday."

Some souls bring a rather large helping of self-confidence with them and so seem to breeze through things, but everyone has the capability to create, sustain, and improve their self-confidence. We see this in children as they move from rolling to crawling to walking. They fail and fail again, always continuing to try and with every success they gain more confidence. Confidence in themselves, in their mind/body connection, and their ability to learn and grow. They grow confident in their ability to BE.

In part due to the success/failure perspective, we unlearn this capacity as an adult. And we convert it into something upper body: an emotion, an act of will, a virtue connected to our soul and something apart from embodied life. But self-confidence is a embodied skill. This is something physical/spiritual practices are highly adept at developing.

With martial arts, the first thing which is taught is how to fall safely. Because you will fall. Repeatedly. Embarrassingly frequently at first...or longer. But when you learn to fall safely you prevent injury and therefore acquire the skill for getting back up again. Every time.

Self-Confidence is most quickly and robustly developed physically through being in the lower half of your body. Want to know how to handle a difficult discussion with your spouse? Start with knowing how you handle a game of handball. Want to know what to do when you have to make a presentation at work? Try knowing how to navigate an indoor climbing wall at the gym. Pick something physical which you want to do (not what you think you should do) and start learning how you do it (not how others say you should do it.) For example: try being completely present for yourself as you balance in half moon pose while at the same time focusing on your pelvis. Or try flowing through the Tai Chi form, but sink your hips 1/4" lower and focus on keeping them level with each other and parallel to the horizon.

The more you are being you physically, the more you can be confident in your ability to be in the world, not just do it, the more confidence you will have in absolutely everything else.

Which means while you may be defeated in the moment, you'll never be conquered. You can trust yourself, know what you know, and be confident in your continuing 100% success rate at BEING.