Talking about how our shadow self is not a demon in the dark trying to destroy us, but is in reality our own wounded wisdom.
Talking about how our shadow self is not a demon in the dark trying to destroy us, but is in reality our own wounded wisdom.
Befriending Your Shadow Self
There are moments in everyone's life which become the ending of one chapter and the beginning of another. I experienced one of these when it was pointed out to me that in many Eastern cultures the symbology of the colors black and white were opposite of what I had been taught as a child. There, black is earth, nurturing, full of possibilities and giving of everything we need to live and thrive. White is the symbol for death, bleached bones, grieving, loss, and lack. They of course mean many other things in Eastern cultures and even more in combination such as with the Yin/Yang symbol, but their general meaning is understood to be black/dark/life and white/stark/death which is a reversal of the way Western culture looks at them which is light/white/good and dark/hidden/danger.
This wasn't a revelation to me, but instead a means to bring everything into focus. For years I had been studying and practicing women's spirituality from Wiccan goddess ceremonies to women's only sweat lodges, from reenacting ancient goddess rituals to training in the ceremonies of my own people, the Cherokee, which is a matriarchal culture. All of them speak to the experience of going inward into the dark as a return home, a challenge to discover and recover who we really are and a reconnection with everything and everyone in the web of life rather than confronting demons, conquering dragons, or defeating enemies.
The notion of journeying within the self has been a bit abused over the past couple of hundred years due to the inception of and the growing pains within the field of Psychology. Bless Freud and Jung, but they have made it a staple of therapy to have to dig into the painful past, plumb the depths of our subconscious, and confront our shadow self in order to be healthy. All of which has merit to a point just like most modalities do. However, the process taken to extremes can cause significant harm and usually leaves people with unsatisfied questions of "Ok, what now?" So many of us have picked our bones clean digging into the past, plumbing our depths and looking inside for the root causes of things. When you've pulled things out by the roots, what you're left with is barren soil and a hole, right?
Alternately, we are told there is a darkness within us, a shadow side which walks with us, like a devil on our shoulder always trying to subvert our good intentions and virtuous actions. Sometimes its talked about like an evil monster under the surface, like the shadow of a great white shark swimming below. We can feel its presence and when we're not focused on it, we will get bit by it or pulled under. Somehow there is an evil within us constantly seeking to do us harm and it must eventually be confronted, removed, tamed, controlled, or defeated in order for us to live up to our full potential and achieve our soul's goals for this lifetime.
All of which harmonizes with and supports our understanding of the symbol black. And because of this some people seek out meditations which lead them only as far as their core or their spiritual self via their Prana or life force. However these processes are then used to lift the person out of themselves, not to have them go further into their depths. Going within therefore becomes a process which allows us to bypass ourselves to connect to the universal or get out of our body rather than in. It's a process of going inward to escape the current self rather than to make new discoveries.
I struggled with these two conflicting perspectives on the inward journey, going home or going into battle, for years because the Shadow perspective never made sense to me. It all seemed summed up by the myth of Persephone and her abduction into the land of the dead. To summarize: a goddess, Persephone, for some reason comes into being as an eternal teen. A powerful being in her own right she never matures, never comes into full agency, and is never meant to be in balance in any way. She's incomplete by definition as she is the virginal essence of spring. Hades (sometimes seen as symbolizing our subconscious) decides to kidnap and rape her for a whole host of reasons which are amazingly unhealthy and petty including jealousy and brotherly rivalry. Within the myth this is seen as appropriate for some reason and is rarely commented on even today. The same with the fact he is ancient both in years and in maturity, is in a role of authority which he abuses in order to coerce her compliance and once he's raped her, she can never leave him. She's his property.
Sometimes the myth is written as if she's tricked into the relationship by eating what he provides. Sometimes what she eats is referred to generically as food, other times as three pomegranate seeds. This is an echo of Eve and the apple, but also pomegranates were/are symbols of female sexuality so sharing the fruit with him has all the really uncomfortable "power over" seduction overtones you'd see in a bad stalker movie. To make things even worse she doesn't rescue herself, she's a damsel in distress who is rescued by her mother, Demeter, who threatens to kill every living thing on the planet if her daughter is not returned. However, Demeter can't truly have her child back due to the patriarchal concept of virginity which is often described as "once a piece of gum is chewed it can't be unchewed". This means Persephone must spend 3 months of the year with Hades her rapist, but can be with Demeter the other 9 months.
As children we're taught this is a myth which is meant to explain why there is winter, but there is a touch more to the story than this explanation takes into account.
So, of all the Greek myths, this is the one I liked least. Of course, the Greek myths as they have come down to us are really horrid when it comes to how women are treated and how they are perceived with rape being common and completely acceptable. Medusa is a beautiful woman who got raped by Poseidon and was punished by being made into a monster. Io got made into a cow; Daphne becoming a tree to escape Apollo.... the list goes on. To be fair men aren't shown in a good light either. Men who have good relationships with women or who protest this type of treatment are scorned or become "redshirts" which don't survive the day, the battle, the myth, or the war. In any case, I just couldn't get past the fact this couldn't be the only model for going within. Which, come to find out, is correct. It's just the only one we're taught in public school and which has become the norm in our common culture.
During my studies in Women's Spirituality I came across the myth of Inanna. It's older than the Persephone myth and comes from a culture which saw women as whole unto themselves, having agency, working as equals and partners with men, and having a direct connection with the earth through their own bodies. Inanna goes into the depths, like Persephone, but she isn't forced into doing so, she chooses the journey. She isn't confronted with dangerous quests to overcome, but instead she must make choices at each gate on the way down. These choices cause her to look at herself, evaluate aspects of her life, and choose to keep what no longer serves or to let it go and therefore continue the journey. When she arrives at the inside she finds, not an abuser, but her sister, Ereshkigal, who is in terrible pain both physical and emotional. Inanna helps her, not by resolving the issue which would take away her sister's power, but by holding space for her and allowing the healing process to unfold. When this is done Inanna is ready to return, but she can't on her own. This isn't because she's weak or a damsel, but because she has given so much of herself. She has trusted to the process and now needs her community to support her in the return journey. Her community does help and she's able to emerge reborn and more of her true self than ever before. In so doing she sees her life with new eyes and sets out to put her house to rights.
This myth has some of the most beautifully sensual and sexual poetry, in the form of sacred prayer, which I've ever read. It also acts as template for people to use when thinking about the journey within and what the Shadow truly is, the unheard, unhelped, isolated self. I have known women to turn this myth into a ritual which they enact when they are working to heal. They bring friends to represent each of the parts and make the prayer manifest by enacting it in real time while adding in the specifics for the woman in question. When I connected with this myth, I felt the pieces click into place and realized why I had previously been confused. We may not be aware of what is going on inside us, but having things going on inside us isn't an indicator we are broken, nor do we have rapist/stalkers inside us which are waiting to take us down. Experiencing ourselves as sexual beings doesn't take things away from us, it gives to us. Having agency, being in relationship doesn't make us less, it's meant to make us more.
If we hold for a moment an Eastern cultural experience of darkness and light, black and white, we can feel how going into the dark is a reconnection with aspects of our self which have been neglected, disparaged, denied, and shunned. A common example of this is PMS (Premenstrual Syndrome). In Western culture this is thought of as an aggravation at best, a hindrance, or even as something which proves women are inferior to men because they lose control of aspects of their sanity. They are unable to follow simple social norms, make their emotions obey, or even make logical sense! It's something which medications have been created to mask or minimize and which women strive to live through without too much disruption of "normal" life.
In Native American culture and in various indigenous cultures I've come into contact with, PMS is seen as quite the opposite. During the days just prior to and during a woman's menstrual flow it is understood women become more grounded, more fully present for themselves and therefore more in tune with what is out of balance in their lives. This includes not only themselves personally, but their relationships, their extended family, and their tribe. They become clear on where someone is violating their boundaries through thoughts/words/deeds, they have visions which bring insight and inspiration to complex situations, and they become eloquent in expressing these things to everyone.
Often women are allowed to congregate together in lodges or designated dwellings to spend this sacred time together. Their families will support them by bringing food, clothing and whatever else is of comfort while at the same time shouldering the woman's responsibilities so she can be fully present for this process. When she is done, she first will visit with the elders and tell them of what she's learned, not only about herself, but any wisdom which pertains to the family and the tribe. This way everyone can benefit even if the information is difficult, as most truths are.
If we see our PMS not as a loss of control and a temporary madness, but instead wisdom, clarity, and specific directions on how to rebalance things for our best and highest good, then what was labeled brokenness becomes a superpower. Like scratching off the coating to find we've won the lottery, we can scratch off the label PMS and find instead we become a monthly MRI which sees the underlying truth in any situation it focuses on.
Likewise, our shadow self, our own Ereshkigal, is not a demon in the dark trying to destroy us, but is in reality our own wounded wisdom. Each act of self-sabotage is our truth reaching out. Each misstep is our own feet trying to refuse to wear shoes and instead go free and truly feel, maybe for the first time, supported by the earth and life.
Like the colors white and black, our shadow can be experienced either as a monster waiting to drag us down or as the most valiant warrior trying desperately to defend us. We can spar with it until it submits, or we can empower ourselves with its wisdom. Neither path is easy, and both can leave us stronger and more than we were before. The question is which journey we take to get there.
Susan Griffin wrote a modern version of this in her book Woman and Nature: The Roaring Inside Her. "Going through the room of the mirror, the room where women learn to reflect what our culture has taught them they are, they move inside into the cave where they find the pictures their ancestors drew for them, about them. They reconnect with the spiral which is the generations before them, within them, waiting for them and they return connected and empowered to be their true selves. "