Using Memory to Restore Yourself to Wholeness

Talking about how memories are never truly lost, and there are various healing modalities we can use to encourage our healing, retrieve our memories, and bring ourselves back to wholeness.

Transcript

Using Memory to Restore Yourself to Wholeness

We're meant to forget things. I know it's annoying when you can't remember a fact you really want or need to remember in the moment. And it would be very nice if we could just back out of the room to remember why we went into it, as if a doorway was a portal which caused us to forget. However, these are functions of the brain as information processor rather than memory storage. Short term memory which drives actions, information recall and linear processing are the purview of our grey matter. Memories are not.

Memories are more than facts. Ask anyone who has loved someone, is happily married, had a golden period of their lives, enjoys their kids or delights in their pets. Ask anyone who has been hit, slapped, mugged, stalked, raped, assaulted, or threatened. The facts can be slippery, get jostled into a non-linear order, or fade in and out, but the memories remain.

Memories are processed by our brain, but they exist in our bodies. This is why they are often triggered by smells or textures, sounds or the felt sense of someone interacting in a certain way. This is why massage can cause us to feel random emotions or experience flashes of association like small moments of our lives made into a TikTok video. Having pressure put on our bodies in a specific way presses "play" on that memory and our mind/body/brain processes it into consciousness.

We're meant to forget things. Memories don't just have facts in them. This is why memorizing facts can be so hard for most people. Information without context, without felt experience, is difficult to force into us and part of what gets in is our experience of not liking to do it. Memories are emotions, experiences, associations, identity, actions, atmosphere, relationships and connections - all interconnected and all occurring simultaneously. Which means it would be nearly impossible to forgive if we couldn't forget, at least a little. If every time we were in the same situation or with the same person and we remembered every bit of when they did something wrong, we would not be able to get over it.

At the same time, if we remembered every single time we made a mistake, got something wrong, were mean and knew it, but did the thing anyway, were selfish or angry or frustrated, we would probably end up in a small ball and never move again.

Forgetting allows us to live and be healthy in this world. To continue on when things don't work out as we think they should, to learn lessons through our own mistakes or those of others, to take chances, do the painful thing again and again because it's worth it, and so much more.

However, we're not meant to lose ourselves in the process.

There's a difference between forgetting things because it makes life more functional, like forgetting the reality of how painful childbirth is so you're willing to go through the process again, and forgetting entire chunks of your past for no discernable reason.

People who have suffered trauma in their lives can often feel lost, hollow, or as if something is missing which they can't quite put their finger on. Some who suffer in childhood can point to entire years or groups of years which are simply a blank, not because nothing happened, but because things happened which they needed to survive. They know they happened, not because they remember, but because others have told them so or because they can feel around the blank spots, like their tongue feeling round the area where a tooth used to be. They continue to move past what happened and build the best lives they can, but there is always something missing. Some call what is missing closure, others call it a nagging sensation of incompleteness, and still others feel as if it's the monster in the closet or the other shoe to drop. It's as if something terrible is hanging over them like impending disaster, but the something never comes. The feeling can be unbearable in its utter certainty and yet it's complete absence of anything tangible.

All aspects of embodied life are time constrained from the growth and decline of the body to the maturation of the emotional self and the unfolding and possible decline of the mind. The soul, while eternal, seeks out this experience in order to grow and become, therefore participates fully in these processes.

We all have experienced the contradiction of time being malleable while simultaneously being inflexible and inexorable. We learn this very quickly as children. When we are doing something we love or which absorbs us to the exclusion of all else, time seems to fly or have no relevance at all. We lose track of it, as it were. On the other hand, when we do not want to do something time seems to attenuate, become double or triple its normal length and seeming to drag. Meanwhile, the march of time never ends in its regularity and implacability hence we talk about how it can be wasted if it's not used properly because it is here and then it is gone.

The malleability of time comes, in part, from how much our soul and/or our body are active and predominant in any given situation. Something which is on our path and brings us joy, an activity or experience which brings our soul to the fore and leaves it in control of a situation will cause time to drop away allowing us to experience timelessness. On the other hand, if a situation is so dangerous we may experience grievous harm, time will attenuate as our body takes control of a situation to act in our best interest and hopefully prevent it.

In a dangerous situation our body becomes predominant. It is almost as if the various aspects of self are a hand of cards which is shuffled into a different order. Normally we live in our mind where time is orderly, we can navigate and feel nominally in control of the present and we can co-create our future with support from our body, input from our emotions and the wisdom of our soul. In a moment of trauma our body comes to the fore, our soul steps back out of the way, taking our emotions with it or at least keeping them quiet, and our mind works solely as a data collector for sensory input.

For example, if you are in a car accident, say someone hits you in the driver side door. Not enough to cause severe physical harm, but the car is buckled into a half moon shape and slides sideways a bit. The other driver is fine but shaken up. In those moments you can feel the mind has stepped back. The body takes over. Everything goes on auto pilot as we take stock of our own health, the state of the car, where we are, and what we need to do next. We react as necessary to get ourselves and others out of harm's way, to get the cars out of the way of traffic if possible, swap information, call the police and what have you. During all this it's as if time has stopped or is moving completely differently from normal. It's as if we're in a bubble separate from other people and normal life. We react in a heightened state, aware of every detail which can make the situation seem even more surreal. It is only after all the paperwork is done, the situation is "over," when all the reacting and acting have played out, that time starts again.

This is completely normal and expected. Our body is going through a four-step dance:

1) Traumatic Event (Physical/Emotional/Mental/Spiritual)

2) Adrenalize/Fight or Flight Response

3) React

4) Recover.

During Step 1 (Traumatic Event) the soul moves back out of the way while the body deals and it returns in Step 4 (Recover) when it receives the message from the body all is well and safe. It is easy to recognize when this return occurs because time begins again, the details of what happened stop being a linear progression of necessary actions with heightened sensory input and instead start to become a story we are telling ourselves in order to make meaning of what happened. It is when we start to "make sense" of it all and incorporate it into our selves, into the whole of who we are, into the tapestry of our experiences, history, and eventually wisdom. It is when memories of what happened come flooding back in, filling in the gaps, because while our minds are the physical database structure which catalogs, collates, and creates from the data we acquire, our soul is where the data resides.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, there are times when this process does not work smoothly. There are times when the soul does not return in Step 4 allowing the memories, the events and time to flow again. We see this in survivors of genocide, hostages held over long periods of time, victims of rape or molestation, especially traumatic situations which continue for months or years. The soul moves back in order to protect the person in the moment, but does not receive a signal things are safe to return, so it does not. Over time the body acclimates to its new state of being and so the signal seems to never come. This can lead to memory gaps, incomplete or convoluted timelines, and confusion on whether events happened at all, let alone how they happened.

But memories are never truly lost.

The soul and the body retain memories of everything which has ever happened to us. This is why, even though we completely regenerate our skin every 27 days, we retain permanent scars where things have negatively impacted us. Our bodies store all the memories, emotions, and insights which are too traumatic for us to be conscious of and wait for the moment when we feel safe enough to remember and become them.

This is why memories of things which happened to us years or even decades ago can come flooding back when we're at our happiest or we can finally be in a really good place and suddenly break down over things which seem completely disconnected from our current situation. Once we've created safe space, moved beyond surviving into thriving, have the support we need or feel like we've accomplished our mission, the signal goes out for the parts of us which were on hold to come home.

There are ways we can work with this process consciously to encourage our healing, retrieve our memories, and bring ourselves back to wholeness.

EMDR

One way this is done in therapeutic settings is through EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). Using alternating stimulation, whether this be rapidly moving the eyes right to left or holding two paddles which alternatively vibrate or some other method, the patient will be prompted to recall a traumatic event or a story they normally fondle. The problem-solving portion of the brain, the part which knows this story to be as unchangeable as gravity, is distracted with the physicality of things going on therefore uses its energy in figuring out what is happening. This allows the rest of the brain, the part which creates our reality, to come to the fore of our consciousness. This part of us which works with the Akashic energy or prana then puts us into the story fully and completely, allowing us to change it so we get the ending which is best for us. The results can be surprising after the fact as the resolution is often something unexpected and transformative. But like a bell, once it is rung it can't be unrung and so the story is reclaimed and retooled into something empowering.

Craniosacral Therapy

There is also Craniosacral Therapy which was developed within Osteopathy as a means of working directly and effectively with the Limbic and autonomic nervous systems to heal chronic pain as well as other persistent issues such as anxiety, burnout, hypertension and so on. While some therapists focus solely on the physical issues, many work with clients who are suffering from depression, PTSD and cPTSD, trauma, rape, childhood abuse and molestation.

The process is done with the client on a massage or chiropractic table facing up. The therapist will cradle the skull in one hand while placing their other hand under the sacrum. This connects them directly into the client's energy field and with hands at both ends of the nervous system. With fingertip pressure, think the amount felt when holding a dime on our finger, they are able to assess how the client's system is functioning, where it's alerting strenuously, where it's defensive or closed off, and where it's overly lax. At the same time this contact is mimicking the support we are given as infants. As adults we cradle babies by the head and bum as the best way to support them both physically and emotionally.

This support has the effect of calming the nerves while at the same time imparting the energy form of unconditional love and support, which creates an environment where the Limbic system can receive the signal it is safe to release memories from storage and allow them to integrate into consciousness. Part of craniosacral therapy is the practitioner holding space while the client processes what can be very raw emotions, release trauma out of their tissues, and reclaim essential components of themselves.

Soul Retrieval

Soul retrieval is a healing modality where a practitioner can help a person retrieve these soul moments and assist them in reintegrating in order to achieve wholeness of self. Many different indigenous cultures understand the need for this and have their own rituals and practices for achieving it. Some have the healer connect with the person and follow what amounts to spiritual tracks to the place where these soul moments reside in the time/space matrix. They offer a means for the soul moment to journey with them back to their person and then help the two reconnect. Others provide means for the patient to journey on their own to the area and retrieve the moment either through meditations, ceremony, or medicinal herbs which alter perception.

No matter what spiritual practice is used, the basics of the process are the same. Prior to any healing work being done the person requesting healing must be fully prepared to receive and accept the soul moment which is returning. This moment will not only bring memories of the event, possibly triggering flash backs and new emotional responses to current events, but also will carry emotional issues as yet unprocessed concerning the events and all which surrounds them. The younger the person was when the soul moment separated, the more emotional processing and maturing will be required.

Once the practitioner feels the patient is prepared, they will provide safe and sacred space for the healing. They will either journey to the area where soul moments reside or will support the patient in journeying there. It is not uncommon for practitioners to work with an animal guide or spirit being who takes them into the realm of the waiting, of the lost, and helps them find the patient's moment which is ready to return. The practitioner will hold space while the soul moment is contacted, assured of its safety and its welcome, then offered a means to return. The healer/patient will return with the soul moment and help it integrate with the patient. This is usually a pleasant emotional experience of reunion which brings a feeling of wellbeing.

After the healing session the practitioner should do follow up or after care as the process of healing actually begins in earnest once the session is successfully completed. After the moment returns and feels safe to stay, all of the information it has carried including the emotions in the moment, the details, the fears and struggle for survival, all will come back and not necessarily in any linear fashion. In fact, the earlier the moment in a person's life, the less linear the unfolding as the data was stored and experienced in the unstructured, creative and experiential mode of the child.

Another method is pain

Our bodies are not meat cars we are driving around in. They don't break down randomly once they are off warranty nor are they simply a container for our soul. They are an integral and equal part of our beingness and have as much wisdom and intelligence as our brains. They work in concert with our soul to help us manifest and navigate our spiritual path.

We are taught to think of them like the "Check Engine" light, indicating when something is wrong through pain or dysfunction, which they do readily enough and often long before we choose to turn our attention to the issue. However, they also try to tell us the solution to the situation through how they are signaling to us or through actions we ignore because our minds are trying to problem solve a "logical" and too often short term solution.

Areas of our bodies which are painful, whether from an immediate interaction or from a chronic condition, contain memories. Where the pain is, what specifically is painful, and how it is generating pain all point towards where the memories are stored and how to retrieve them. 

Rather than automatically doing what the brain says to do, which is often to try and shut off the message through pain relievers, using heat to relax things or cold to reduce swelling and so on, it behooves us to spend a moment listening to what our body is trying to say. It's a very common thing to do this without actually thinking about it. We find ourselves absently rubbing a body part which is sore and realize we've been doing it for a while. Or we focus on a different part of our body to equalize the pain, like rubbing our neck to reduce a headache or pinching our fingers to stop our stomach from clenching in anxious moments.

Using touch, like pressure, or even just mindful focused attention, while keeping our mind free from all judgement and problem-solving activity, we can listen to what our body is attempting to tell us. If we are able to create safe space in the moment, not be waiting to pounce with plans on how to "fix" things, but instead be a journalist accepting all facts without preconception, then the memories with all of their associations can unfold.

We're meant to forget things. However, we're not meant to lose ourselves in the process. Memories are never truly lost, and we have the ability to encourage our healing, retrieve our memories, and bring ourselves back to wholeness.