How to End Spiritual Contracts and Cut Relationship Cords

Taking a deep dive into how relationship contracts don't have power to control a situation, but the cord connections we actively create do and what can be done about it all to support happy and healthy relationships and end unhealthy ones.

Transcript

How to End Spiritual Contracts and Cut Relationship Cords

One of the more common questions I get concerning relationships is "What am I meant to learn from this?" It's a good question and one I encourage because, whether we are meant to or not, relationship experiences give us the opportunity to learn deeply about ourselves, about others, and about the world we live in. Relationships, positive/negative/neutral, are a concentrated way to foster wisdom in each of us as almost every great story fictional and historical will attest. Sometimes the relationship is meant to be a mirror, a way to see one or more of our issues and to work on them. Other times a relationship is about our fulfilling a role, putting into practice things we have already learned and allowing them to manifest through our actions and their influence on others.

What can sometimes come as a surprise is when I look at a current relationship only to find that all the lessons have been learned. Everything in the contract between the couple has been accomplished and there is nothing left to do. In this situation I will ask some additional questions which prompt the person into relating, in detail, what I'm seeing in the contract. Most often they are no longer satisfied in the relationship because their needs aren't getting met. They know the other person is not going to change or miraculously come to some state of enlightenment about the situation. There has been no lack of clarity or communication concerning all aspects. In the end, what they have now is all there is.

The client then refines their question to be "What are they meant to learn by staying in the relationship?" The answer is "Nothing." This reveals an underlying truth they hadn't considered. There is nothing further to learn, they aren't being held in the relationship, they are completely free to leave it at any point. Their job is done. Like someone staring at a window with bars wishing to be free they have never thought to turn around and see they are in a room with an open door. They can walk out at any time.

Our Akasha or life force is the means by which we manifest ourselves, our desires, our fears, and our reactions to the world which is being manifested by others all around us. One way we do this is through focused emanations which is Akasha being imbued or charged with a specific perspective or purpose. What this means practically is how we connect to others is directly affected by who we are in the moment, our relationship to ourselves, and what we are attempting to manifest into the world. An easier way to think about this is to think of cords. 

When we connect with another person we don't just do so logistically, emotionally or intellectually. Our energies connect. A portion of our Akasha or life force moves outward from us as a targeted emanation and meets with theirs to create a cord. Most people visualize a cord somewhat like a rope which ties people together, but in reality these cords are much more like fiber optic cable which runs information and electricity in both directions. However, unlike fiber optics, the cord is us, made from us and constantly communicating and sharing each of us with the other.

Cord connections come in all strengths and sizes. While most people equate this with a soul mate, significant other or a child, we also have cords with our co-workers, friends, family of origin, neighbors, and people we see on a regular basis such as bartenders, grocery clerks, or mail persons. The strength and persistence of the cord reflects the nature of the connection both in size and location. Neighbors might be connected to our right leg if we're working on a project together such as Neighborhood Watch or a block party. The connection might be on our left leg if they are simply supportive, good neighbors who make our life pleasant. People we meet throughout our day might connect with our left arm because they make things better by helping us get what we need done while co-workers might connect with our right because they help us create products and services which go out into the world. 

Lovers, significant others, children and those closest to our hearts create cords which are, well, closest to our hearts. These are usually the largest ranging from the width of a coffee cup to that of a dinner plate. At the beginning of such connections the energy flows between us like a wave. We can seem to be drowning in it as our life is transformed by the romance, love, awe over new life and so on. It is transformative as so much is shared and created. Later the connection begins to normalize, finding a rhythm of its own which is nurturing and pleasant to both.

This connection is in part how we can know our lover's mood or thoughts before ever seeing them. It is the reason we can know someone is injured even though they are continents away, we can be sure beyond doubt they are alive when the evidence is against it, and we can send the strongest of assurances even though we have no other means of communicating. Cords can facilitate our connecting in the Akashics or in dreamtime, allow us to keep track of the other throughout the day, and be a means for us to set aside active participation in a relationship when our lives become overwhelmed with doing or being. Cords are part of the reason we can lose track of a friend for years or even decades, then reconnect and feel like no time has passed.

When a person struggles with their 2nd chakra, manifesting a healthy cord can be problematic. Any issues around self-worth or value, inflexibility, lack of perspective or even lack of discernment concerning what is nurturing and what can be let go infuse the targeted energy connected to our partner and can affect who we choose to connect with.

In healthy relationships cords help us understand each other when the words won't come, support our intuition in finding the right way or the right thing to do, and are the validation that what we know to be true is true. They help sustain us when there are difficulties in a relationship, when communication breaks down, or when life requires us to dig deep in order to get through.

When relationships begin to struggle or become bad, the cord connection doesn't end. In fact, negative emotions can be just if not more powerful than positive ones and so strengthen the connection, sending more energy one way or the other, not less. This aids and abets the unfortunate situation where two people are in a failing or failed relationship, know it should end, yet can't seem to let go of the unending negativity. It can cause couples, families, or friends to get stuck in a never ending now of negative events.

As relationships come and go in our lives so do cord connections. It is normal for a cord to fade away when our interactions with a person end. As a physical manifestation of relationship, they can also change over time. The cord between acquaintances can swell when romance blooms. Another which was strong during a time lived together as roommates can dwindle to a thread of remembrance after decades apart. Friendships can fade and settle into soothing rituals, marriages end with legal papers, or business partnerships form with the shake of a hand. Biological family cords and those formed through adoption or step-parenting, whether large and active or small through distance, remain until one or the other of us crosses over.

In a situation where we know we need to end things or set a strong boundary to prevent further negative interactions, but the other person is opposed, their desire to prevent us can feed through a cord connection making us conflicted and confused. This can support the yoyo-ing effect of an on again/off again relationship, the inability to provide tough love to a child or parent, or make us avoidant of a discussion which is desperately needed between us and the other.

But just like with relationships, we can manage how much or how little of us cords transmit. Cords can be removed, commonly called cutting, leaving us unencumbered for a time. This does not end a cord connection or a relationship. If there is an active relationship, healthy or not, a cord will reform after being disconnected. However, the process of cutting can provide us with relief for a time which can be all important.

What can be done about all this? Well, the first thing to do is recognize energetic connection is a factor of relationship. The Akashic life force within you, your Prana/Chi, is a connective force. So is theirs. This is a "planned", not an accident. It's part of how we are able to be souls in bodies here on this planet. This type of connection and communication is only problematic when we're not aware it's occurring or when we're engaged in an unhealthy form of relationship. If we become aware of the connection, we can use it to support healthy relationships and interactions, evening heightening our relationship with our partner. Just as gestures of love, of acknowledgement and validation help us bond, sending our love and adoration and support through cord connection strengthens their life force and therefore our own like a continuous infinity loop. 

When things in a relationship become unhealthy or take a bad turn one of the first things we learn to do is self-inspection. We look inward to find what our part is in the circumstances, what role we are playing and what we can do to help resolve or fix things. This is all to the good, but the next step needs to be checking the cord connection to discern what is ours from what is theirs. This can be confusing since in a relationship it can all feel like ours since we are so entwined. Looking at the cord connection and how it operates, investigating how we feel before during and after a negative event, can help us figure out where the connection might be facilitating bad behavior.

You may be wondering about cutting cords or ending the connection. It's just about as simple as entering into the connection, however there is a bit of a chicken and an egg thing. You can't have one without the other and which comes first? If you're in a relationship and you cut the cord but don't end the relationship, it just comes back. In fact, the physicality of cords reacts a bit like springs. If you pull one away from you it just springs back. This is why I recommend any time you do a cord cutting ceremony you don't just pull or cut the cords off but instead gather them and then direct them at another energy source such as a light, flame, or the sun. They will connect there and stay for a certain amount of time rather than springing back to you since they have a replacement energy source.

Cutting cords only allows a temporary respite when we're talking about intimate partners. This is why I recommend doing it just before bed, if you need to do it, as the cords take several hours to reform and the pause will then coincide with your system's uninterrupted healing cycle. For the long term what needs to happen is to start consciously putting the correct energy message or Prana/Chi through the connection. Where people get stuck is mentally they work to will a change in the relationship all the while harboring completely different feelings and emotions about the situation. Unfortunately, it's the feels which flow through the cord, not the thoughts.

Each relationship is unique, just like the people who enter into it. Each has its own rhythm, its own rules, and its own rewards. Relationships are an amazing way in which we manifest our souls onto this planet and express the beauty which we create through being more than the sum of our parts, by being We. This doesn't mean being in partnership is the goal, that it's required, or it's like a Disney story where everyone lives happily ever after.

Hence sometimes we need to do more than cut cords. Often we need to go further and end the spiritual contract. 

In spiritual community there is a general sense a spiritual contract with someone, or something, is like the doom experienced by so many characters in Tolkien's the Lord of the Rings. It's an inevitable fate which converts our suffering into the hero's journey. Therefore, if we just suffer through long enough there will be a dramatic turn and it will all come right in the end, with some "sorry" and regret mixed into the joy. When we focus more narrowly on relationships then our sense of them becomes more like Highlander where we are fated to battle all the wrong ones until only one is left. 

Healthy relationship contracts are rarely involved in either of those things, but before we talk about what healthy ones are and how to end ones which aren't, let's discuss just what is a contract? A contract is an agreement between two beings. It's a document, a bit of information. That's all. No fuss, no muss. In the Tolkien model contracts can be seen as Prescriptive, meaning they tell us what to do and when to do it. In general, this is how contracts work in physical life. We agree to do a thing, the other party agrees to do a thing, we agree when the thing should happen or be happening, we agree to what will occur if we do the thing, what will happen if we don't do the thing, and how we'll work through it if we disagree about any aspects of the thing. Sound familiar? It should. It's a generic description of every end user agreement you agree to in order to use a website or software. It's the thing you don't read and don't care about, but have to click through because, you know, lawyers. 

So Prescriptive is all about agreeing to do a thing and then having to do it. Then there's the other type of contract, called Descriptive, which is a way to note an agreement that is already happening. Like an agreement which gets written up between groups after something has already been going on for a while. You know, the handshake agreement between two people which gets put in writing, so other people know it's a thing. Like when two families have had an agreement about the shared sports equipment, shared yard, shared boating situation or whatever, but then the one cousin who is a pain in the behind starts being a pain so it all has to be written down so it can be enforced. This is a descriptive contract which is turned into a prescriptive one to force a painful cousin to stop being so painful. Things went on just fine before the pain started up. Yes, all along the way things changed, rules morphed, conversations were had, equipment added, things adjusted, but all was fine because everyone was flexible, and the goal was to have fun. Nobody ran with scissors or poked anyone's eye out and many good times were had, surprises arose which were a delight and a joy, accidents which became moments in shared history, all the stuff of life flowed. And then there was the pain. *sigh*

You get the idea? Prescriptive tells you what you have to do; Descriptive follows what you choose to do. Prescriptive is set in stone, Descriptive makes things obvious but is open to change and doesn't tell anyone what to do at all, however it will make a note if something changes. Or you can look at Prescriptive as being what you have to do and Descriptive being what you intend to do.

So, here's where people get confused about spiritual contracts. Having experience of contracts in physical life, they think contracts are the same in the Akashics. They think contracts between souls are just as rigid and enforced, but, in actuality, not so much. Spiritual contracts between beings are descriptive, not prescriptive. I can understand why people might want them to be like contracts here. I mean, it takes some of the responsibility for living off our shoulders. If we are contracted to be with such and so person, do this or that thing, or go through something or other, it can be very comforting to think it had to be because there's a contract which says so. Problem solved, we're not to blame, nor do we need to expend energy worrying about it, trying to figure things out, or struggling with it. It's a contract and we just have to deal.

Unfortunately, this is not the case. Why? Free will. It's the key to so much in life, embodied and otherwise. We have free will and use it willy nilly every moment of the day. Circumstances may dictate this or that aspect of things, but we always have choices on what we do in those circumstances. If you think this isn't the case, read anything written by a P.O.W., a survivor of the Holocaust, or the Turpin children held captive their entire lives by their parents. We choose and choose and choose again all day long every day. It's exhausting. I might need a break just from thinking about it.

In an environment such as the Akashics where Free Will isn't just a concept, it's a law of physics, where there is structure, but no government or authorities or need for "society," in a place where everyone lives telepathically and empathically meaning they feel what other people are being, hear what people are becoming as if it's their own becoming, what use is a prescriptive contract? To force someone to do something is a violence which would radiate out through all beings causing everyone damage and suffering. Prescriptive contracts are in the end about forcing people to behave in a certain way. So, contracts between souls are quite the opposite, they are descriptive. Practically this means they follow the actions, choices and experiences of the two parties and end on their own once we have moved on.

There are times, however, when contracts don't end cleanly, clearly, or gracefully. 

It's important to remember spiritual contracts always have a minimum of two parties, you and the other. This is reflected in their structure which is like two pieces of material stitched together down the middle. They interact with each other all along the way making one big piece of fabric, but they each have their own top and bottom, beginning and end. So, when we speak of ending a contract, we're not ending the entire thing as we can't. Each of us has free will. What we are doing is ending our part of it which releases our Akasha from it. This allows the other party to interact with it in their own way and their own time. Eventually their side will end as well since "It takes two to Tango". But this can happen in the way which is best for them, supports their path and lessons without making us responsible for how it gets done.

For example: if we are struggling to let go of a relationship which is over, we can get stuck obsessing about the other person so much it interferes with our ability to focus or function in daily life. It can feel as if we're being held by chains or an especially strong magnet, even though everything about the relationship was wrong. This can also happen if we're attempting to create a relationship with someone who continually deflects our advances or who we focus on even if we've never truly met.

We can also get stuck when the other person doesn't want to let us go. With unhealthy relationships where the other is controlling, needy, codependent, stubborn, narcissistic, predatory, or a user, it can feel as if we are a fly stuck on fly paper. No matter how much we try we not only can't get away but get more stuck in the situation.

In either case, ending the contract consciously will support us physically and emotionally to gain freedom and space to move forward in our lives. This does no harm to the other if done without malice and often provides immense benefits to everyone involved both short and long term.

Ending a Soul Contract

As visual beings and souls living an embodied experience, the easiest and cleanest way to end a contract consciously is to do so through physical action. This focuses the energy and your intent while also utilizing Akasha to manifest the results both here and there. Make sure you are truly ready to end the contract which means no further personal/emotional connection and/or contact with the other. If you still work with the person or share custody of children, you can still do this as long as you keep your interactions at the purely functional or transactional level.

1. Choose a nice piece of paper, not something torn from a notebook or a scrap of something. Find a good pen, not something broken from the bottom of a drawer or your purse. Then write:

"I (Your full name) do end this contract between myself and (put a description of the person or as much of a name as you know) as of (date)"

Add anything you wish to say about the situation. Anything which is left unsaid or undone can be written here to complete the contract and the relationship fully.

Sign your name underneath what you have written.

2. Fold the paper in fourths.

3. Choose one of the following to complete the signing and end the contract:

A) Rip the paper into small pieces and flush it down the toilet. (Good for relationships which just need a bit of closure and finality.)

B) Go outside, get a firesafe container, then light the paper and allow it to burn completely. (Good for those which need a bit of a push or a purge. If there is anger and hard feelings items such as pictures or other flammables can be added to this. Not only will the energy be transmuted but there is the "ashes to ashes" aspect of it which allows our nervous system to let go of the energy we've been holding inside.)

C) Get a black pillar candle 6-9". These can be found in any party store in the birthday section under 40's and 50's or online at places like Amazon. Scratch the name or title of the person into the candle. You don't need the full name. A nickname or their first name will do as you're simply connected the candle energetically to the paper you've written and the ending process. Have a candle holder prepared. I prefer hurricane's just because they contain any wax which might spill, but use what works best for you. Place the paper into the bottom of the holder, then set the candle firmly on top of the paper so the wax will melt onto it. Light the candle and let it burn down. You don't need to burn it continuously (fire safety). You can snuff it and relight it as often as you need. Burn it 'til the candle is a complete nub and fully fused with the paper. Dispose of the remains by either burying them away from your home or throwing them into moving water such as a river or the ocean. 

Once the contract is complete you will feel a change within yourself. Often people feel lighter, brighter and like they have more energy. Opinions or preferences about things can shift, it can be as if a fog has lifted, and things which were stuck in other areas of our life can start moving for us like magic.