What to Do When Life is Overwhelming

Talking about how the antidote to an overwhelming world or just life, is to value yourself and allow yourself to be as, if not more, important than everything else.

Transcript

What to Do When Life is Overwhelming

Value yourself.

Life can sometimes feel like we're covered in leeches. We can't seem to get enough resources for ourselves and instead have to focus on all of the needs, demands, and expectations of others and it seems like we'll be sucked dry at any minute. At other times it can feel like everything is an avalanche in progress and while we hope to be able to outrun or get above it, the weight of everything just keeps bearing down on us until the weight crushes us or we suffocate or both.

In normal times we are taught to think of these experiences as a personal problem which the person needs to solve through spirituality, therapy, medication, life coaching and so on. We're not meant to look holistically at the context of the person's life to see if what they are experiencing is an appropriate response to their situation. For example: A father of 5 children, all with special needs, is not at fault for feeling in need of regular alone time, wanting the relative peace of a job away from the home, or longing for a return to simpler times he experienced in the past. A woman with a narcissistic husband, a demanding career, and in-laws with no boundaries is not untoward in longing for her voice to be heard, someone to support her side of things, or a retreat to escape to.

In other words, "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean you're not being watched".

Life can seem and often is overwhelming. But what can be done?

First, stop where you are and value yourself.

Each of us is a unique piece of divinity. No one else can be us. We are the light of universal love. We're not doing it, we ARE it. Without any actions, doing, earning or service. Right now, in this moment. 

We are the light at the heart of the universe.

Let this sink in for a moment. No other light is better than, more worthy than, needier than us. We are all equal and worth every good thing. Which means...we are as important as all the people demanding things of us. And we are equal to those who would try to make us less than. 

Of course, it rarely feels this way, and this is why the place to start is with how we feel.

So get into your Body.

One of the things most notable about all of the negative emotions (anger, frustration, rage, anxiety, sadness, fear, guilt, overwhelm, regret...) is they are painful. And pain triggers our fight/flight/freeze response by building up energy. This is why we can't settle when we're anxious, we can't focus on what we want when we're frustrated, and we need to release when we're afraid. We're trying to solve the pain through action and logical problem solving just doesn't fit the bill.

Releasing this energy through movement can help immensely by allowing our nervous system to reset, clear our brain, and let us breath freely if only for a moment. It can even change our biochemistry to release endorphins which make us feel good emotionally as well as physically.

Things which are cardiovascular like running, swimming, or sports of various kinds convert our energy into something positive and can help us get enough distance from our issues to see positive resolutions. However, sometimes running is more running From than running For ourselves. Hence, we can feel like hamsters on a wheel.

And there are those who don't have the mobility or physical health to do large movement style physical exercise. For these situations a better option can be spiritual physical practices such as Yoga or Tai Chi.

There is a lot of information out in the world about how Tai Chi, Qigong, and Yoga are naturally relaxing and will help us calm down, focus, even get into a relaxed meditative state. There is some truth to this, but, like all things, the practice is not One Size Fits All. Not everyone finds these practices relaxing, not everyone can still their mind readily, and for some the frustration of not being able to get the expected results or even perform the actions readily can cause more negative feelings, not less.

So, what to do if you struggle with any or all of this? For these situations in general and for dealing with overwhelm in particular, I recommend approaching these practices from the opposite perspective. 

In other words, If the garment doesn't fit, tailor it so it does.

Can't get your mind quiet, then don't bother. Instead, feed it with things which make it happy. Do Yoga listening to your favorite pop music or audio book. Practice Tai Chi while listening to your guilty pleasure podcasts. Try Qigong while watching your favorite comedian. If your mind is a Doberman patrolling the building, give it a steak to keep it busy while you save the day by moving your body the way it was intended to move.

If even this is too much or you need relief in the moment while you're in the midst of things, there is something you can do with almost no effort anywhere you are: Dance Posture.

There are variations of this in most martial arts, but it also shows up in various indigenous dance practices such as American Tribal Style Belly Dance. To do this:

*Stand evenly on both feet, with feet parallel and toes pointed forward.

*Stand so your weight is on the middle of your foot, the space where the ball of your foot meets your arch. You can find this by rocking forward onto your toes, then back all the way onto your heels, then settling in the middle between them.

*Bend your knees slightly, and have them right over your toes. You can do this by rotating your upper thighs outward if necessary. Sometimes taking your hands and encouraging the thighs to gently turn out at the hip joint helps.

*Tip your pelvis up. Most of us stand like our pelvis is a martini glass held by a drunk at a party. It never tips all the way over but is constantly headed in that direction. To change this, you can hold your legs in their current position while using your butt to push your hips forward. Or find your pubic bone in front and tip it upwards towards the sky.

This has the positive effect of elongating your spine, relieving lower back pressure, and causing a feeling of your torso floating a bit, as it's meant to. You may also notice your legs are now doing work they may have not done since you were a toddler so expect some messaging from them. :)

*Raise your rib cage. Take a comically deep breath like someone in a bad B-flick who is trying to show off by holding their breath. Let your ribcage expand, your shoulders move back, and your head come up. But then, release your breath while at the same time leaving your ribs, shoulders and head where they are. And don't let go of how you're holding your legs, and pelvis.

Your top half should feel a bit like a balloon floating above your pelvis, which is a good thing. More relaxation of the spine and room for your organs to relax and work.

*Lower your shoulders, but keep your ribs expanded. Focus on your scapula in the back and try gently to pull them even closer to your spine by moving them towards the center of your back and down. Don't push down with the tops of your shoulders as this will just cause more tension, not less.

*Push your chin in. Take a finger and very gently push back on the tip of your chin so if you look down you can't see past your chest. You should feel this in the back of your head and your neck. It's a small thing, just a slight adjustment, but it does amazing things.

*Eyes forward. Lift your eyes away from your body and look at something directly in front of you. This will allow your attention to focus on the whole of your body or how you're feeling rather than the mechanics of what you've just done. 

Once you're in this position, or any variation or even portion of this, your mind will be flooding with all the messages from each part of your body which is doing something new or different. Allow those to come in, but don't act on any of them unless they are reporting damage or extreme pain. Let yourself be in this position for a few seconds to a few minutes. If it feels good and you're in a place where it's possible, let yourself move in ways your body is wanting to move. Let it explore, for just this moment, being itself without demands or requirements.

Once done you can keep going with your day, but you'll find things are much more manageable at least for the moment.

Be Allergic to Life

When I found I was profoundly, deadly allergic to poison oak, I changed my life. There are things which I won't do not matter how enticing they sound or how much I feel I should do them. I live in an area which is known for its geographic beauty, mild climate, and hiking possibilities. However, I don't dare take advantage of all but the tamest of options because poison oak grows everywhere here and it's not worth the risk. Same with my desire to help organizations which clean rivers and streams, root out invasive species or do garbage haul-outs in nature areas. I'm drawn to these things, want to do my part, but I don't want to end up hospitalized and out of work.

Valuing myself and my health means not doing things or living in a way which will make me sick. 

When it comes to times or lives of overwhelm, it can very much help to see things as possible allergens. When a doctor doesn't know specifically what we're allergic to or what combinations, they will have us simplify our life to those things we know don't harm us. Then have us add things back in one at a time to see what has a negative impact.

When life is overwhelming I don't recommend checking out completely, as this can create additional negative energy in the form of dread at the prospect of returning, fear of the unknown, and resentment of our situation and those in it. Instead I suggest deselecting all the things from our life we can so we're bare bones. I tend to put this in terms of using the Mallet of Time Out. Set the time out to be for one day, one week, or one month and then start malleting anything on your schedule you can.

Talking to your parents causes you stress? Mallet for 1 Week

Social Media making you crazy? Mallet for 1 month

Spouse/kids on your last nerve? Mallet for 1 day. Let them take care of themselves and each other. (If you aren't able to get one day to yourself then the issue is about far more than overwhelm and reaching out to additional support for your situation is probably a good idea.)

Give yourself permission to be more important than these things, if only for a moment. Let yourself have a break from the routine for a specified amount of time and then once this is done, evaluate what you want to do with them. It may be the timeout was enough, and you want them back. Or it might be you want them back, but you've found better ways to connect with them so you can be honored as well as get your needs met while also responding to theirs. 

In some instances, you may not want to turn them back on at all and this is something to be honored as well. Often what we consider as required, an obligation, an unbreakable commitment or a contract looks different when we've had a bit of time and space to ourselves. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself and everyone concerned is honor the ending of a thing and walk away. 

If we are showing the universe how to treat us by how we treat ourselves, then valuing ourselves as an equal to all other beings is a first step to being treated as such. When the world feels overwhelming, don't just do one more thing, stand there...in dance posture...