Making and Managing Relationship Contracts

Discussing how the relationships in our lives are either preplanned contracts and contracts made on the fly as unexpected opportunities come into being. Knowing which is which and what the intention was/is can help us understand and navigate them.

Transcript

Making and Managing Relationship Contracts

Knowing things will unfold in unforeseeable ways due to the interaction of millions of people Free Willing in each moment creating a fertile environment for wonder, mystery, adventure, and growth, as well as our purpose for why we are entering into this embodiment process, we make extensive plans. This does not mean everything is predestined, karmically mandated, or full of contractual obligations. The process is much more like what NASA and other space agencies go through when preparing for a mission, like sending someone to the International Space Station or the ESA sending Rosetta to land on a comet. Before the mission begins the astronauts are trained for every contingency, possibility, improbability, and impossibility. Before anything gets started the concepts of how it will work are studied to the Nth degree, the equipment is built, checked, triple checked, then tested and tested and tested and tested...All of which gives the mission the best chance it can possibly have to succeed, but guarantees nothing. In every mission things happen which weren't planned, in ways which weren't planned, new variables are added and subtracted moment by moment and in the end it's a win if the trip is completed at all. Everything else beyond this is a bonus, a gift, and extraordinary. Also, even with all the planning and preparation which goes into a mission, there is still the occasional catastrophic failure.

In comparison to an embodied life, a trip into space is rather simple. An embodied life has astronomically more moving parts, lasts longer, and has only one person with a small team of advisors guiding it from start to finish. So the preplanning is even more extensive, if you can imagine. We set up contracts with thousands of people for a myriad of reasons. We map out not just one route to achieve our goals but hundreds so no matter which way we zig or even if we zag, we will succeed in one fashion or another. We make plans for meeting specific people, and backup plans for not meeting them at all, set up scenarios to prompt us into actions and directions at specific times in our lives, set up contingency plans for when we ignore the scenarios or when we get precocious and enter into them early. We make plans within plans within plans...

This is one reason I prompt my clients to provide me information prior to a reading. Prior to and during our session I will be trying to sift through their soul book, the living document which contains all of this information plus everything which has happened since then. I will be trying to wade through each choice, action, and inaction all of which have spawned myriads of what ifs, paths not taken, and alternatives along the way. I need sign posts which point me towards the path the client actually took, which connections are active and what choices they are facing in order to pull out those specific threads from the tapestry.

When it comes to relationships, one of the more important aspects of embodied life we want and need to prepare for, we do quite a bit of preplanning, but this doesn't necessarily mean we are precontracting or prearranging for things to occur. As form follows function, we seek relationships which are going to support our goals for any given lifetime. Classical notions of relationships as being successful only if they last for long periods of time or as more relevant if they are "permanent" such as marriage or spiritual concepts of soul mates and twin flames are only some of the forms relationships can take. They may support our goals in an embodied life or even be what we prefer and therefore prepare when setting things up.

Intimate relationships between people are unique creations of two (or more) individuals interacting in a place and moment in time. No two are exactly alike, however they can be grouped into categories based on the functions they are meant to serve for the souls involved.

One such category is Soul Mates - Soul mates is neither a metaphysical category nor a description of the type of soul, but a type of relationship contract. Unlike popular notions, not everyone has a soul mate. In fact, it is rather rare for a soul to enter into a soul mate contract as it has such direct and critical impact on the embodied life. When a soul agrees to a soul mate contract with another soul who is embodying, both souls agree to choose physical bodies which will be hard wired to accept lasting relationship with the other and no one else. All other relationships will fail and in fact it will be difficult for the people to even enter into relationships at all. In some cases the attraction to anyone other than their soul mate simply does not manifest. Someone with such a contract will look unceasingly for the one soul they are contracted with and ignore all others.

The difficulty with this arrangement comes if, as is most often the case, the two souls do not manage to connect or one of the souls decides they do not wish to follow through once embodiment has begun. If one of the partners dies young, decides not to embody during gestation of the fetus, if they are unable to face their life for one reason or another and commit suicide, if they fall into deep depression or addictions, or simply are never geographically near their partner post adolescence, then the connection is never made. The relationship never happens. This leaves the remaining partner in a difficult situation of constantly seeking and never finding the person they are meant to be with. They can live a life without any relationships, constantly enter into and then leave relationships which never move beyond the initial dating stage, or settle for a marriage where they feel nothing at all, no connection, but a sense of duty and an easing of the loneliness.

The most common reason for entering into such a contract is because the souls are choosing a life where they do not wish to focus on the relating aspect of a human life, but wish to have partnership for a variety of reasons. Whether the life is so complex as to make finding a partner overly difficult and strenuous or the souls wish to work together and minimize the likelihood they will stray in other directions, they prepare ahead of time so this aspect of their embodied life should all come together for them and they can focus on their primary goal(s). The risk of such a plan failing is mitigated by the rewards if it succeeds.

When the plan fails and the two people are unable to connect, those who are left without their partner are able to end such contracts and rewire their body to allow for connection with partners of the soul's choosing. The first step is to determine if a soul mate contract exists. If so, finalizing and therefor ending its active status starts the body's natural healing and rewiring process.

Another relationship category is Mirrors or Lessons - One of the most common relationships is the type we prepare for because they are set to teach us lessons. This can be enjoyable such as a partner who helps us explore what is possible within us, challenges where we are stuck or struggling, and supports us in being more than we thought possible. This can be painful when they are the dragon we must challenge to live the life we choose or the Dementor we must escape in order to discover who we truly are and can be. The old adage is true, there is only one way to develop strength and this is through hard work and often hard times.

As form follows function, not all relationships are meant to be long term. Not all relationships are meant to teach patience, negotiating skills, or perseverance. Some are meant to end gracefully once a lesson has been learned. In some the ending of the relationship is the lesson. People working through issues of self-esteem, codependence, self-reliance or loss of voice, those who are attempting to heal family of origin issues by recreating them, who confuse healing with partnership and so on, will find their relationships need to end in order to be successful, contrary to the general expectation of Western society.

Healthy partner relationships which are designed to last over time follow the pattern of any good relationship, where there are 9 positive reactions to every 1 negative event, where each person is allowed to be an individual as well as part of the team, and where each individual is supported in their becoming much like two feet walking, where the movement forward alternates between the partners.

Then there is the category of Stair Steps - Relationships are a potent transformational tool. We learn more, faster about ourselves, about others and about the world via relationships than in almost any other form of connection. It is sometimes easier and more effective if we learn things in smaller increments through a series of relationships rather than dragging one person through the process. I tend to think of this relationship method more as transformations or stages somewhat like steps moving us upwards to the next phase of our becoming. So we may learn this one distinct thing about ourselves or about life through one relationship, then heal what was revealed in us through the next one. All of which moves us steadily towards our goal in life, whatever this is.

Often this method of working with relationships is not meant to be used throughout our life, but through phases of it. We may therefore arrive, after what seems a lifetime of partnering, at an intimate partner who we settle with for life or a life partner who returns to us over and over again because they are there to help us acknowledge and incorporate the lessons we've learned with others.

There is a relationship category for Genetic Donors –It is very common to have preplanned relationships with souls in order to help other souls embody, in other words, to have children. These relationships come in all varieties from sperm/egg donors to committed married couples who raise not only their own but others' children as well and everything in between.

Some souls agree to bring children into the world, to create the necessary body for a soul to interconnect with, but the raising of the child will happen through other parents via adoption either within the biological family or not. The children (souls) want the lineage of the parents, but seek opportunities and advantages of parenting and socio-economics provided by others.

Some intimate relationships are specifically about bringing children into the world and the parents focus on childrearing throughout the early adult years. This can then lead to empty nester questions of identity or midlife crisis not only for the individuals but also questions concerning the meaning and reason for the continuation of the marriage and is not so much a problem as an opportunity for further growth. This is usually noted and planned for prior to embodiment.

Other relationships are specifically to bring in children which have contracted with the couple ahead of time. The parents, through their own life lessons and becoming, set up lesson dynamics for the children to work through, but once this is done the relationship quickly begins to "fail". This is usually combined with lessons for the parents as well which guide them towards ending the relationship and moving forward with others and with their individual paths.

There are also relationships which were not scheduled to bring children into embodiment but the physical bodies start the process or the souls choose to go forward with children once the relationship is created. When this occurs a contract for the new soul to embody is created and negotiated on the fly. Luckily the only place where time is linear is here so a complicated process such as this can be completed within the time frame necessary for the soul to embody in the infant without negative effect. Parents may notice this process by having heightened dreams about their infant which is their conscious mind processing all the Akashic back and forth between their soul and the one who is soon to be embodied.

Then there are those who find relationships Nice To Have - It is not uncommon with souls who are embodying, not for their own learning or becoming, but instead to be in service, to prepare for relationships in a much less structured way. Instead of setting contracts in place or forming a structure which makes a relationship one of the components of their journey, they build space within the life so they can be available to a fortuitous relationship if one presents itself, but can also be completely fine without one. I tend to look at these embodiment plans somewhat like music. Most people are symphonic in the way their embodied lives are planned with defined themes both major and minor all interweaving amongst each other. Various instruments or sections carry the predominant theme while others play accompaniment. For service lives which do not preplan or mandate a relationship but are open to one, the soul book reads more like jazz where things are improvisational, inspired in the moment, riffing off the audience, the mood, the other players and simply the joy of being. These improv relationships can be long term or transitory, but are almost always passionate and leave blessings in their wake not only for the participants but everyone who experiences them.

While we preplan a large number of relationships in our lives, most of these never come to fruition because the necessary connections and events do not happen. Like a NASA mission we preplan for every eventuality we can think of and then hope the majority of them never occur. So for each individual there will be thousands of contracts which are never activated, thousands of preplanned connections we never make. This is why, if something is truly important, if one person is so relevant we absolutely cannot miss meeting them, then we stack the deck. When I look at some soul books I will see what looks like Hoover damn built from a multiverse of ways in which we would meet with this other soul at just the right moment. Every conceivable possibility, probability and near impossibility is preplanned and accounted for so no matter how we zig or zag we'll get there. Even with this there is no guarantee we will have thought of everything or that the other person will comply with all this planning. As noted with soul mate contracts, it takes two to tango.

Most relationships are ones we preplanned for, but we have no idea during the planning stage who specifically the relationship will be with. Like online dating, when preplanning an embodied life we often make a profile of who would fit our needs and then set up a number of preplanned contracts which could possibly fit that profile. Then when we activate our desire to enter into relationship, when we are ready to date as it were, those contracts start functioning to pull us and/or them to a place and time where we are able to make choices to go further or not. At the same time, people who fit the profile, are able to connect with us geographically, and are willing are activated as well, creating potential contracts on the fly.

A great many relationships, more than most people think, are not preplanned at all because they are of this advantageous nature. They are choices made once we are here due to circumstances, needs, and free will choices made in the moment. They aren't karmic or mandates nor forced on us by higher powers, but are our own selections for all the complexly simple reasons that people connect. We learn just as much from these as anything we've preplanned and often more, to be honest.

So when you're looking at, or for, a relationship and asking "Why?" the answer might be clearer and make more sense if you first look back and see what you originally planned.