Caring Bowls, Not Mine Jars or What To Do With a Hot Potato

Learning about ways in which to healthily handle things which aren't actually ours to deal with. Because you may have been handed a hot potato, but that doesn't mean you need to mash it or make potato salad.  

Transcript

Caring Bowls, Not Mine Jars or What to Do with a Hot Potato

We are living in times of tumultuous, difficult, destructive, and disheartening change on a multitude of levels. While spiritual community has worked and continues to work to embody a world full of positive energy and setting new systems in motion which will be a healthy and supportive place for everyone, the way in which this gets implemented can be traumatic. Meanwhile the rest of the world is working to create new systems as well and not necessarily with the same goal. And as much as we humans like to focus on the positive, seeing the building, creating, healing and mending aspects of energies, what ends up happening is the powerful burn out everything which no longer serves their purpose. They clean systems, communities and individuals of their masks, disguises, deflections and glamours while razing old habits and leftover supports to the ground, as well as forcing people to move beyond "I'll deal with it someday" into dealing with it right now by setting everything ablaze. 

This is an aspect of creating and transformation understood and appreciated by historians, power brokers, and politicians, but dramatic and often traumatic for those who are involved, no matter the intention or goal. Even more so for those who are healers, energy sensitive, or empathic because they are flooded with the emotions, issues, and opinions of others no matter what they do. This leaves them constantly in a state of processing, releasing, and sorting what emotions are theirs vs. everyone else.

As humans in this embodiment, we are hardwired for interconnection and social interaction. This is in part about survival because we don't have fur, fangs, antlers or talons to defend ourselves against a hostile world. Plus, part of our purpose here is to learn from and with each other, so we personally connect with individuals and experience ourselves through the mirrors they hold up for us. We weave paths of becoming and unwind them again, learning through our mistakes and successes and everything in between.

As communicating (throat chakra) and relating to/with the world outside of us (sacral chakra) are the primary means by which we manifest ourselves and the world around us, we can become overwhelmed quickly by the sheer amount of communication and connection being required of us and the insistent demand for us to open our hearts to what is happening. This often includes not only the big "global" picture, but friends, family and colleagues who need support, guidance, and solace as events impact them. 

It's important to remember, we are each a piece of divinity. And the foundational task of each and every soul is to care for their own divinity. Which means if we're feeling overwhelmed, negatively impacted, or even harmed by everything which is blasting at us, yet feel conflicted about whether we need to focus on ourselves or should heed a calling to provide service out in the world, I find the easiest rule of thumb to follow is the airline mask rule. The crew reminds us "In the case of a sudden decrease in cabin pressure, a mask will descend in front of you. Please make sure to put your mask on first before attempting to help anyone who may be travelling with you." What they are putting in a positive light could be also stated this way "If you sacrifice yourself for the person you're with, you'll die. Not only does this mean you'll no longer be able to help them, you'll actually be a hindrance to the rest of us because you will be a corpse." So, to be a part of the solution, we need to support ourselves first and then help those in need.

In practical terms this means I advocate for each of us to care for ourselves because we are worth just as much as everyone else we love, respect, and care about. And if this means we need to prevent harm to ourselves by retreating from overwhelming situations, choose to limit the ways in which we intake information or connect with others, then good. Checking out when the conversation has devolved to screaming and manipulation is healthy. Keeping your life supportive and healthy gives others permission to do the same and shows them an example of how to do so.

But often, if not always, life is not as simple or binary as "checked in" or "checked out". We humans are complicated interconnected beings on every level and our days are often a recipe of interactions which leave us dealing with leftover ingredients, too much of one and not enough of another, and things which we just have no idea what to do with now we have them. Also, people really, really love to hand over hot potatoes because sharing them seems to lighten the load.

Often, those of us in spiritual community feel responsible for all this and so take it in or on or both and work through it personally, which can leave us feeling depleted, resentful, and even more overwhelmed. This can also bring on guilt since we are often taught that to be a good and spiritual person we should want and have joy in helping others and doing this type of work, making meals out of leftovers or the unwanted things.

So once someone we like, care about, or feel responsible for has handed us one or several emotional/physical/spiritual hot potatoes, we're left to deal with them.  Or are we?

Just because we've been handed a hot potato, it doesn't mean we need to mash it or make potato salad.  In fact, the most efficacious and healthy thing we can do is see ourselves as a step on this potato's journey between here and there, giving them whatever boost they need to achieve their goals while leaving us to continue putting our energies where they are best focused in the day and the moment.

There are two different processes I recommend to clients and students to deal with hot potatoes, one for when you need a person's issues to not stick or stay around, but instead be released, which I call the Not Mine Jar.  The other for when the person needs support, care, and positive energy infused into their situation, which I call the Caring Bowl.  

While our problem-solving left brain might be confused on which to use in any given situation, our inner knowing and common sense won't be.  If you're wanting to be supportive but can't make yourself take any actions towards the hot potato, then you probably need to use the Not Mine Jar to let things go.  If you want to release it but feel drawn in and hyper focused or emotionally flooded, then I'd start with the Caring Bowl. 

NOT MINE JAR

(For releasing hot potatoes which are not yours and you don't need to carry or deal with any further)

Supplies:

Clear glass jar with lid.  It doesn't need to seal airtight, but it does need to keep the items in if shaken or transported from here to there.

Colored paper. I tend to prefer the small pads of scrapbooking paper available at craft stores, but this can be anything which is pleasant to the eye, and you can write on it clearly.

Writing instrument.  This should be appropriate for the paper being used, but also leave writing which is pleasant to look at.  For dark paper I tend to use gel pens in light colors or metallics.  For light papers I tend to go with darker colored pens which are not using blue or black ink.  But you can use pencils or crayons or markers...whatever works best for you and will show on the paper

Process:

Have the jar open and ready to receive.

Using your writing instrument write out the thing or a discrete part of the thing which is not yours.

Fold the paper multiple times, in any way you choose. You can fold it in fourths. You can fold it accordion style. If the paper is flexible enough you can fold it into a paper crane or star.

The folding of the paper has now locked the thing which is not yours into the paper. Feel the release as you no longer hold this thing.  

Pick up the folded paper and place it in the jar. Feel the energy of this thing, which radiates weakly from the paper, now encased within the jar.

Repeat this process as often as necessary until you've placed everything which is not you, at this moment, into the jar, then close the jar and set it somewhere out of the way.  Allow yourself to see the beauty you have made out of things which weren't yours and you no longer need to carry.

You can add to the jar as often as necessary.  Should the jar become full you can empty it and start again.  You can burn the contents or use them to make some kind of art project like collage, decoupage, paper mâché and so on.

CARING BOWL

(For hot potatoes where you want and need to support the person through this, but still need to be able to function day to day.)

Supplies:

A non-metallic bowl big enough to hold all of the love and care you have for those you love and care for. This can be made from wood, ceramic, stone, glass, anything but metal, which can react to energy work in odd ways. The bowl should be something which you enjoy and feel represents you and the energy you want to manifest into the world.

Glass beads, the type used to fill vases for flower arranging. They can be of any or many colors and any size you wish to work with. They are available at craft stores or from many online retailers. You'll need as many as you end up needing, but I would start with more than you can easily hold in two hands.

Process:

Once someone has expressed their needs, fears, stresses, process, situation, problem, pain or other issues and their visit/conversation with you is complete, take a glass bead in your hand. 

Allow yourself to remember one discrete issue or part of an issue they expressed to you. Allow all your feelings, their feelings, the needs, and your desire to help/improve/support the situation into a positive resolution to go into the bead. 

It helps to keep each piece small as each bead can only hold so much. 

Make sure you have both the problem and everything you feel and can do go into the bead. You may feel them mixing into something positive while doing this.

Once you have everything in the bead, place the bead in the bowl. 

Feel that the energies of this have transferred to the bead in the bowl. The bead will begin resonating with this energy which begins singing this energy into the bowl which amplifies it out in the world.

Repeat this process with each issue or need which needs resolution until they are no longer in you, but instead in the bowl and working on behalf of the recipient.

You can add to the bowl as often as necessary. It is fine and appropriate to have beads accumulating for multiple people as this is your care going out into the world and you can and should care about more than one person at a time. 😊

Once the bowl is full, allow the energies to continuing radiating out until they are completely done. Think of this like waiting until the fire is completely out before you go to clean out the fireplace or firepit.

You can clean the glass beads and reset them to neutral again by soaking them overnight in salt water, then rinsing them off. You can charge them up a bit afterwards by letting them sit in sunlight to dry. The bowl can be rinsed with salt water, then washed however is appropriate for the type of bowl you're using. (For wooden or stone bowls, don't let liquids sit in them long term as it can ruin them or at least warp and stain them).

Once both the bowl and the beads are clean you can begin the process again as necessary and desired.

I like to think of life as an amazing, tapestried mess. We are each weaving our part into it, but the parts don't necessarily harmonize, we aren't necessarily in the mood or space to do it, but required to do so nevertheless, and sometimes we're having to repair damage or undo what has been done by others. In these chaotic times these might all be happening at once. The Not Mine Jar and the Caring Bowl give us tools we can use to make the process more creative and less a chore, more art than survival. And there is not only beauty, but hope, in what we are capable of creating both in the world and of ourselves.