Bleep Bulimia Episode #133 with Emma Lyons, Trauma Informed Healer and Founder of The Trauma Matrix

Emma Lyons is a trauma informed healer and founder of the Trauma Matrix. 

 Emma was very depressed as a child, the invisible kind of depression that nobody really sees unless they really look.  All her life she thought she was the problem. She says she was brought up with this idea there's something wrong with her. 

It wasn't until much later in life that she started looking at the family dynamic and started to recognize that her family is actually quite dysfunctional. 

She says her mom ticks a lot of the boxes of a covert narcissist. Also her family is very emotionally repressed. As a child she had no one to talk to apart from Google and was very lonely and very isolated.

More recently she realized that dysfunctional and narcissistic families choose an individual, usually the most sensitive child, to be kind of the scapegoat. Emma explains you become "the landfill for all the unprocessed intergenerational trauma, shame, all kind of gets dumped on you and that can lead to a lot of internalized shame that's above and beyond what most people experience."

She believes this shame is one of the one of the core drivers of self-destructive behavior.

Emma feels that pretty much all the dysfunctions, including addictions, are because of this shame.  It's not like fear or anger because fear and anger are warning signs that something bad is could be around the corner. 

What she realized is that shame is a function of empire and it's about controlling people. 

"We're kind of gas lit in our society to believe that shame is somehow a good modifying behavior modifier. And it's absolutely not. When we shame people, people close in. They're less inclined to shame to change their behavior. So shame is actually does the opposite of actually changing. It makes people hide. It makes people less inclined to take responsibility." 

The inner narcissist, she explains, ticks all the boxes of the narcissist, but the call is coming from inside the house.  Unlike a narcissist doing it to you,  it does it to yourself, coming from inside the body, inside your brain. "And so it's not manipulating other people necessarily, although it does use triangulation." 

Emma helps people break up with shame. Her acronym is break. B R E A K.  Make sure to listen to find out what it stands for.


You can follow Emma on all social media by looking up trauma.mmatrix.  She is also on Substack as. trauma matrix - traumamatrix.substack.com. 

She has a free gift for listeners. 

"If you're raising your hand and thinking, "Wow, I resonate with this. I do have a lot of shame and this is a good word for it." I have a free gift for you guys. It's called five signs it's time to break up with your inner narcissist. And it's like a it's you're going to see yourself in this if you go through it. Um It's about five classic signs that you need to break up with your inner narcissist that like now is the time you can't wait. And it also gives you some strategies and tools about how to really make that happen. So you can find that at tinyurl.nottotodaynarc."

Thank you for listening.