Speak For Change With Thomas Sage Pedersen
Welcome to Speak for Change with Thomas Sage Pedersen! Our mission is to inspire and promote positive and lasting change in our local & global communities.
Speak For Change With Thomas Sage Pedersen
Ep.142 Cyn: Art, Transformation, Tattoos, and Self-Discovery
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https://www.instagram.com/whisper_sf
About Cyn
Cyn is a San Francisco native. Who moved to Santa Cruz 5 years ago. She has worked in healthcare for 15 years and is a proud mother of two and a grandmother. Aside from her family, her passion is in creating art. Her medium is acrylic on wooden canvas.
She is just here to share love and art, nothing more nothing less.
Artistic Journey and Therapy
Speaker 1Welcome back to Speak for Change podcast . I'm your host , Thomas Sage Pedersen . Our mission is to inspire and create positive and lasting change in our local and global communities . We broadcast from the Tannery Arts Center in Santa Cruz , California . I hope you enjoy the episode of Speak for Change podcast . Have a beautiful and impactful day .
Speaker 2Our next guest is Sin , a San Francisco native who moved to Santa Cruz five years ago . She has worked in healthcare for 15 years and a proud mother of two and a grandmother . Aside from her family , her passion is creating art . Her medium is acrylic on wooden canvas and she is just here to share love and art . Nothing more , nothing less . This was a great episode . Definitely showed me a lot about how family and community can inspire art . I hope you enjoy Sin . Welcome to Speak for Change . It's an honor to have you on .
Speaker 3Thank you , yeah , happy to be here .
Speaker 2But yeah , I've been following your art since I saw you're doing an art show on april . What's that ? 13th , yes , at the motion pacific , yes , man , that's amazing . That space is amazing it is yeah , um , and I've just been curious about , like your journey , as have you always been an artist . Has this been like a life thing for you , or is this something that kind of came into your life , or have you always been a professional artist ?
Speaker 3I've well . Being an artist is a spectrum , so I was a dancer for many years , since I was four , and I learned how to sew so I was able to . There was a time in my life we owned a martial arts gym , so I actually made kickboxing shorts , and there are track suits for competitions .
Speaker 2Wait a second . You own a .
Speaker 3I did own a martial arts gym . Wow , that's awesome . Yes , for many years and taught yeah .
Speaker 2Oh my God , what kind of martial arts .
Speaker 3It was kickboxing , taekwondo and boxing and eventually trickled into Muay Thai . It was before the UFC era .
Speaker 3Yeah , for real . And then it wasn't until 2011 when my grandmother was diagnosed and in hospice and I painted a painting for her just to , you know , bring her her little energy up and she loved it . Of course she's my grandmother . You know wasn't my best work , because I was just dabbling , and within those four years I lost four important members of my family and art turned into therapy for me and it progressed and since then I've just it's just became became part of my life so so you went from doing kind of dancing , martial arts sewing to yeah um being a painter , yes , and you um be in this kind of therapy .
Speaker 2So what do you mean by therapy like , how does art act as a therapy for you ?
Speaker 3well , initially , um , as my family was passing , um , I inherited a few things . I'm not a big person as far as um , I don't like to hoard or anything like that but I inherited some things along the way and things like my father had like 200 little keys , my mother had , you know , she was an artist , also in her own rights , and she had like all this stuff that I just utilized . So I started out with mixed media art and I would utilize anything that belonged to my family into my artwork , which I still have . And so that's where it became therapy , because I was putting my emotion into the artwork and implementing their personal belongings into it , and so it just became like a personal thing for me and I did about like six pieces . I also did an organic piece when my son had dreads and I cause he had cut his dreads , so I used his dreads and did that too . So that was like the beginning .
Speaker 2Why haven't I seen any of these pieces ?
Speaker 3Because , well , if you look at my , my only social media , you have to keep scrolling all the way down Cause there's so many posts .
Speaker 2I love . I love the paths of like art artists , right , because I think there's a time when you're like exploring right like a big exploring , like I don't know .
Speaker 2I don't want to call it a phase , it sounds kind of trivial , but like there is this moment in time when you're just like exploring these different types of mediums and different types of things and seeing kind of what like resonates with you . You know , yes , and I love it , love seeing the arc of where you kind of just I don't know , maybe not for all artists , but for a lot of artists I've talked to you kind of start to see a style forming and they kind of like get stuck . I don't want to say stuck , but like kind of like this becomes a thing that is continuously giving to them . Yes , even if they have like an infinite amount of ideas , they're like this still is emotionally connected , you know . So , like your style of painting right now , what made you go from kind of the my shifting , yeah , the shifting .
Speaker 3I would have to give that credit to both of my kids .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 3As you look at my artwork from the beginning and I mean by what I have publicly posted you can see that I went from water painting to trying to form eyes and so , as I was going , my my children literally they were the ones that convinced me to go on to social media , because I was off the grid for like 10 years I was just like what you know , but they're like you got to do it , mom .
Speaker 2It's a hard thing . Social media , you know , yeah , I'm not a big fan of it .
Speaker 3I mean , you may not believe me , but I really am not a
Family Influence in Artistic Progress
Speaker 3fan .
Speaker 3I'm so not necessary evil it is yes , and so , with my children challenging me in the sense that my there was a point where my son was like mom , he goes , he says , um , you paint a lot of feminine pieces . Because that was really my thing was just female , the female body . You know different types of bodies , different shapes , different looks . You know , not always beautiful , whatever one would think is beautiful , right . And so he was like you know , are you going to paint something masculine ? You know , like males . And so that's when I started diving into the more masculine , and then it just kept progressing . I would share with you know , both of them , my . You know what I'm working on and you know my son was .
Speaker 3He's my biggest critic you know , like he's , he's like mom , he goes . Where are the details , where are the shading ? You know , give it a little more 3D and so those , those pushes push me to the limit . You know , there came a point where I wasn't sure . I was like you know what , whatever , I like it , like this , you know . But then you know , you realize , and I'll get up at like two in the morning , literally , and look at my painting . I'm a night eater . So , I get up in the middle of the night to eat . I snack a lot .
Speaker 2And so , of course , you know , I look at the painting and then I'll literally just bring out the paints and just start , you know , do a little extra , and then go back to bed , you know so .
Speaker 3So yeah , that's so interesting that your son has such a pivotal role . Oh yeah , in your art has that always been the case , um , I would say as an adult yes , when he in his adulthood . Yes , oh man , more so now .
Speaker 2So just critiquing your art and you just decide to take it or to not kind of vibe right .
Speaker 3Yeah , but usually I take it .
Speaker 2He's a good eye .
Speaker 3He does , he has a good eye and my daughter is more the . She helps me with concepts . You know like sometimes I'll have painters block and I'm like . Mija , you know , like I want to paint so bad , but I just can't think of anything and she'll just like come up with , you know , do a female with leopard stripes you know or you know , with leopard spots and you know , big horns , and you know , and I was just like , ooh , you know , doesn't always , it's not always the case , but it gives me that the wheels start turning and then I start doing what I do .
Speaker 2Oh my God me , that the wheels start turning and then I start doing what I do . So , oh my god , I I love this because of the communal aspect in it . I think I've , I've , you know , on this podcast , I interview a lot of community activists , a lot of you know , musicians , artists and a bunch of different folks and , like community , art tends to be something that is , in my view , one of the most transformative things . And you're , you're doing this just within the the , the confines of your household . Yes , you know , and it's really beautiful to say I haven't really heard that before and I just really love hearing that you have my bubble it's my bubble like I'll do like .
Speaker 3I'll migrate from the kitchen um when I had covet for the first time oh , back in october , um you know , I was painting in bed . You know um I love painting in my backyard yeah you know , it's just , it's environmental and it's also vibe and and . I like to keep the vibe in my home . You know that's my sanctuary , so it's you know it's the good music I got my muse , my cat , Lorenzo . I can't . I have to give him props because he is what motivates me every day .
Speaker 2I was going to mention your cat .
Speaker 1I've seen your cat on Instagram .
Speaker 2Can you describe your cat ? He's so popular .
Speaker 3He's more kind of jelly because he's more popular than I am . I swear .
Speaker 3He is a Siamese Sphinx cat . He will be four on July 22nd . I've had him since he was two months old , so he was like the size of my hand . Now he's 14 pounds and I cannot get him to stop eating . Um , but he always . He doesn't leave my side , doesn't matter where I am in the house . I have him now trained to be outside with me because he's always , you know , watching me from the inside . So I need to buy him a leash just in case , because I don't want to hawk , to like , mistake him for a rodent or something .
Speaker 2But yeah , he's , he's my , he's my little dude oh my god , I'm so obsessed with cats , I'm sorry , right now I got I just got a kitten congratulations I . You could ask anybody , any one of my friends . They'll be like yeah , thomas man , he's just uh , yeah , he's on some weird level right now because I love my little cat and he will follow . He follows me around everywhere now .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2He's like eight months , seven months or something , and he's just like he's just such a cuddle bug . You know , he just wants to cuddle and I'm like , good , that's what I need . You know , yeah , it's comforting and I do have a harness and a leash for him nice , I go outside very cool go smoke something and I can bring him with me sometimes because he'll . He'll just like sit by the door and watch me and start meowing like , like yo , he hates the harness , but like you know , he , he gets over it .
Speaker 3He just pretends he's dead oh , okay , nice , there you go , and he just like starts walking around because he's too curious .
Speaker 2They want to wander around ? Yeah , I don't . So your cat's an indoor cat he is definitely an indoor cat .
Speaker 3He doesn't want to be , but he is yeah , like now . It's like he thinks he could . Just , you know , roam , and I'm like no , no , no , um , I'm not a cat person yeah , I'll be honest with you . That's my confession . I'm not a big cat person , but he's like a dog , and so that's the he's my dog .
Speaker 2That's the vibe I've uh yeah , I've always identified with a dog person . But then , like recently , I just that has , that wasn't in the cards and so I decided just to get a cat . Yeah and um , I'm pretty stoked about the cat . He's like very loyal . He just like hangs out .
Speaker 3Yeah , they choose you , they're independent yeah .
Speaker 2I'm like , oh God , Existential crisis over here , but you know , I'm stoked that you could hold those two realities in your head and not challenge your identity . Yeah , yeah , 100% , I don't know if I'm there yet , but , but so , as your painting has progressed , uh , is it still therapy too ? Is it ? Do you still find therapy with it ? And like what is that now like , as , because before it was very personal , you're using things from your family . Now it's , it's more , I would say , integrated into your life . It seems like you know .
Speaker 3Yes .
Speaker 2And so how , what kind of effects do you feel Like if you really just like , did a self-reflection check , like , what therapeutic effects does the painting give you ?
Speaker 3well , it really depends on what I'm painting um a lot of .
Speaker 3I do a lot of aztec paintings yeah and those come from my summers and christmases in mexico and my grandparents lived out there . My grandfather back in the my grandfather back in the early 70s was wanted for tax evasion and back then you were jailed for tax evasion so he packed up my grandma and went to Mexico and so I spent three months plus another month out of the year in Mexico and they would take us everywhere and a lot of it . Back then , you know , you had the pyramids , you had , you know , all of these museums , mummified people , and it stuck to me even though I was young . But growing up , you know and you keep constantly see that it becomes . You know , you're learning history and my grandfather was from Mexico , although it was interesting because he was very fair-skinned and he had blue eyes , so he was such a beautiful man , yes , and tan .
Speaker 2You know it was really interesting . Was he mixed race ? No , that is weird . Both of his parents were Mexican . I mean , not weird , it's like that's weird . Yeah , yeah , to see that , yeah , like that's weird .
Speaker 3Yeah , yeah , to see that . Yeah , you don't see that at all .
Speaker 2It's a sort of common ? No , it's not .
Speaker 3Like it was . For me it was normal , but I remember people reacting when they would see him and you know he's like oh , yeah , yeah , I'm on .
Speaker 2Everything else is perfect , except for that part , yeah .
Speaker 3So yeah , so the Aztec definitely come from those memories . You know as much as I try to remember um , and then all the others you know , like scarface , I mean it's a classic .
Speaker 3You can't , you can't go wrong with tony montana , but that one was really um , because , uh , that that one's really more off of my mom okay because , um , when she was alive I had some of my homiesies used to come over and watch the game and stuff , and my mom was my neighbor at the time . Long story short , my mom had a very thick Spanish accent and so my homie , who is Caucasian , would get her to say say hello to my little friend , and my mom never seen the movie , so she would say it for him . Yeah , so , um , so I was watching scarface and I was just like , oh , I gotta do scarface . And then I was just like remembering my mom and like that whole thing , and I was like I definitely have to do this guy , you know . So that's why I did the tony montana piece so those are like the little things you know , like .
Speaker 3They're not always like deep , but they are for me .
Speaker 2I mean , they sound pretty deep Because there's something .
Speaker 3There's a takeaway in my life that I put into my pieces . As silly as a piece may be or as it may not make sense to others , it makes sense to me . If that makes sense , no not at all .
Speaker 2I'm sorry , I don't get it . It makes complete sense , yeah . I like how much you and in your Instagram bio it says indigenous artists right .
Speaker 3Yes .
Speaker 2And I think hearing you speak about these stories and these experiences in your life , it makes sense how much that communal aspect is in your art . And I think it's really interesting because you know , in America , right , we're like the number one according to like the Hofstede scale of sociology like the most individualistic society in the world . Yeah and so , but like little segments of like the hispanic culture , the black culture , like different cultures that have like some kind of ties to their indigenous roots , you know they .
Speaker 2that's a whole different game right but you know , in general the american society is kind of um really individualistic . So I I ask artists like what inspires you , or whatever , and their answers are usually like the deep philosophical mind , my existence . You know some crazy thing about their own experience , right but what's really telling for you , partially is that you're you're bringing it back to your roots , your family your friends , your community yeah which I think is extremely impactful and something that is like really different um amongst like american culture . So you know , thank you for being you and you're welcome .
Speaker 3No problem um , but yeah , like so .
Speaker 2there's also another aspect of your Instagram page . You are like you model with your art and I'm wondering you know what inspired you to do that as well ?
Speaker 3Yeah , so I'm definitely not a model . However , there was a time where I was only posting my artwork yeah , literally , there wasn't any like like the videos in between or anything like that and um , what I had , and back then you know I'm , I would have so many likes yeah and you know I always get curious see who's liking it and try to do the same for others , like , like whatever they have , just as a gratitude right and um
Exploring Artistic Expression Through Tattoos
Speaker 3.
Speaker 3What I had noticed was there were people who were posting my paintings , but not just kind of like posting it and so I was and it's it's personal for me because I painted that , so it's like okay just no and so I would you know comment like oh , thank you for you know sharing my artwork . You know , just something really nice , because you know I'm not going to be mean to anybody and , um , start stalking their page .
Speaker 3You know , in the middle of the night sending ghost dms and um , and so what I started doing was taking a photo with my painting and then posting it by itself to you know , put myself in there because it was just , it wasn't massive , but it was enough to the point where I was like , okay , I'm just gonna check pictures .
Speaker 1And then the pictures started becoming more and more evolved yeah just go to instagram and see what evolved , then you'll know what I mean my definition of evolving um .
Speaker 3Yeah , so I just started , you know , just being a little bit more animated , yeah , yeah yeah , no , I and I love I don't know .
Speaker 2I kind of see it as like another art form in itself . You know , because , like you do do like these poses and you have like your aesthetic , your tattoos and everything kind of just adds this extra like layer to your art , almost , you know , because I mean your tattoos are like an artwork in itself .
Speaker 3Yes , and I'm so proud of all of them , even the most ridiculous ones I am so proud of . Is there a ridiculous one ? I can't see any ridiculous ones .
Speaker 3Slowpoke Rodriguez yeah , come on , ones I am so proud of . And is there a ridiculous one ? I can't see any ridiculous slow poke rodriguez , come on . I got slow poke , I got the cholo , got a lot of women on on my arms too , but this is just . That's a whole , nother story . But but , yeah .
Speaker 3So with regard to my postings , I a lot of people like misunderstand that I am not trying to seduce you there . There is that little spiciness to it , but that's just how I am and if you knew me , you'd know that I'm just a little spicy person and that's it . To invest , you know , the time of my tattooists and the hard work they put into the work they put into me and the pain that I , that I endure , which I love , yeah , and not show it . So when I'm doing what I do , it's not , it's not a for fans only type of situation , it's a . This is my art . I am a walking art piece . I am not saying I am art , but I am walking because of all of the work that people have put into my skin . Yeah , and that's why I do what I do and do I care what people think ? Not really , otherwise I wouldn't be doing what I do and be public about it , but I am very . I am private to the point where I don't share it with everybody .
Speaker 3So I'm not like yeah , look at my Instagram , especially at work . But on the same token , it's like I am public , so it's also a risk . But I think I'm keeping it classy , at least in my eyes , and I'm good with that .
Speaker 2Do you have any tattoos that have a special story or meaning that you feel comfortable sharing ?
Speaker 3um , I wouldn't say story . I mean , my right arm is my fun arm , that's , you know , just all the goofy stuff . And then my left arm is like the boxing gloves that . That was for my grandfather . The little , this little jammer here . She just looks like my Filipino grandma .
Speaker 3So I was just like oh my God , she's so cute , you got to put her there . And Sam , that's my daddy , and these two swallows , those are my children . I have the little Lion King logo on my neck . When I found out I was going to be a grandma . He calls me Nala , and oh , this piece . Well , it started out on my chest . It was a sacred heart . I got this . My mother hated my tattoos . When she found out , my first piece was my back before my arms , my legs and everything .
Speaker 3And I never told her , but my sister snitched on me Love you , sis . And my mom was just horrified , Didn't ?
Speaker 2talk to me for five months .
Speaker 3Finally , I sat with her and this was after I had divorced my first marriage and she was very religious and she was just like what did I do ? What did I do wrong ? And I'm like just love me .
Speaker 1It's just a tattoo , calm down .
Speaker 3It's just a tattoo . So she was due for heart surgery in 2012 . And so I had a chest piece done , a small sacred heart , and it has a cross etched in the middle of it . So when I was taking her appointments and I showed her and I knew she didn't say she didn't like it and I saw a little smile on her face because I think that she felt that I didn't have anything that represented her because I had done the rest of my family and , um , that was a supposed to been a .
Speaker 3You know like I love you . This is . You are my heart piece yeah it wasn't supposed to be a memorial and that's what it turned into after she had her surgery . So it was really heartbreaking and so it stemmed into just more after you know she had passed .
Speaker 2So yeah , yeah , I mean , it's wild it's beautiful , though I mean that's like a beautiful memorial and like sign of just like I don't know , like , like again , like your theme . Theme seems to be about the people around you oh yes , you know what I mean and I think absolutely that's funny because , like , like , I , I guess I , I I don't see that on your profile as much and I think that's like such an important my family yeah , not just your family , but like the fact that you're like that's so much about who you are as an artist is communal , you know , and I think that's like a beautiful , unique thing to see in this world .
Speaker 2You know , and I think that's something that reminds people that you know we're not alone here , that we need each other , that you know . We're not supposed to be alone , you know , yes and so I think you're like an embodiment of that in your , in your artwork and even in your tattoos . They're all for people , there's something I'm here for all .
Speaker 3Of you just love me . So what is ?
Speaker 2what ? What is something ? That , that you now I'm curious , I'm genuinely what is something about your artwork or your tattoos or anything like that ? Uh , that you have done for yourself , like that you could say is a complete self thing , like it ? I don't want to say selfish , I don't think that's the right word , but like kind of in a way .
Speaker 2Yeah something that I would have attributed to myself maybe , yeah , that kind of that you've like , um , that you just almost like the inspiration was something within you know well , it's hard to say because , um , there , there are several pieces where the image of the face looks like mine , which I thought was really interesting because , that's never been my intent to do a self-portrait .
Speaker 3so I've done a few of those , but I don't know why and I'm thinking self-reflection , I mean a lot of these pieces came from pain , heartbreak , or someone bruised my heart . You know , loss , missing someone , thinking of someone . So it really varies . I wouldn't say that I've done any pieces , or at least not intentionally for myself , because I haven't , not to my knowledge . I may have , I don't know , I may have , but that was never my intent , so I have not wow , yeah , that's how I found a , found a wall .
Speaker 1You did , you did you just like my wheels are turning because I'm like is dude , is there anything I did for myself ?
Speaker 3You know Like , I guess not .
Speaker 2No , but it's . I think that's a beautiful thing . I think that shows a lot about who you are and like , why you do what you do and , like I said , it's something that in itself , in the backdrop of the society we live in , is something that's automatically revolutionary because it's something communal and in a society that's highly individual the most individual , according to some folks that's automatically going against what is there . So I would be curious to see what would happen if you created something completely individual and see what would happen . I mean curious , I am curious .
Speaker 3I'm curious too . I wouldn't even know how to begin with that . Like to be honest , I really wouldn't know how to . I don't know , I don't know I don't drink so I can , so I can't like you know , have some booze and like get all sloshed and you know see what really . You know how they say , say encouraged juice , and they can tell the truth kind of thing . So maybe too much truth will come out .
Speaker 3I don't know , I'm just kidding , but yeah , I don't . I don't know .
Beliefs, Investments, and Comedy
Speaker 3I know that , like a lot of my power pieces , like the more masculine ones do , come from my stem , from my father . My father came from the Philippines and the man struggled , and so I know those power pieces are just my channeling his strength . You know that I still feel to this day . So yeah , and although he wasn't Aztec , he was indigenous , he was from Baguette City in the Philippines and he spent his adolescence and preteen years in Morocco . He , you know , was adopted by my grandfather in Texas . I mean , ended up in San Francisco , both with my grandmother , and so it's like that's income from you know .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's a whole .
Speaker 3As a minority you know , so yeah , so it's pretty cool . That's amazing whole as a minority you know .
Speaker 2So yeah , so yeah , it's pretty cool , it's amazing . All right , so we're going to get to the second part now . Okay , do you have any quotes that you live by or think of often ?
Speaker 3I wouldn't say that I live by , but I always tell like I've always believed and I think it's . People might think it's a cliche or whatever , but I always , well being that it's easter , don't put all your eggs in a basket in one basket not in one basket . You know , and I tell my kids that I was telling my grandson yesterday , even though he's like follow , where are the eggs ? What basket ? You know ?
Speaker 1like it's a metaphor you know , don't just , just , don't just . You'll thank me later , you know .
Speaker 3But , yeah , I always believe that you know , like don't put it all , you just don't do it . Yeah , and that comes , I mean , in all forms of life , you know , and , and your work and your , you know your personal life with , you know , with everybody , is you , I'm a protector ? So I say you know ? So I say protect your eggs .
Speaker 2That's beautiful . What is something that you believe that other people think is crazy ?
Speaker 3Well , I'm not a conspiracist , I can't even say that word Conspiracy , theorist .
Speaker 2I can't say abdominal , I can't even say that word .
Speaker 3Conspiracy , I can't say abdominal .
Speaker 1I can't say that word either .
Speaker 2There's some words I don't even I like have to find creative directions for I'm always like the part of your stomach that you strengthen , yeah .
Speaker 3Did you know ? Did you know , I don't . Here's my thing . I you know , here's my thing I'm not religious . I was born a Catholic . I went to Catholic school . I do believe that . I believe in spiritualism . I believe in all religions . They all have something out of it that I can take as a positive . So do I believe in God ? Yes , of course I do . Do I pray on my knees every night ? No , I do not . Do I go to church ? No , I don't believe in it . So it's just my own personal , and I come from a very religious family . I have to date family relatives who judge me and think I need God in my life , and so I already have .
Speaker 3God , thank you , we good , he's like right here with me , okay , so calm down . So yeah , so I'm . I believe in spiritualism . I do believe , like you know , in science . I do believe that there is some type of alien activity going on out here that you know , and so little things like that . And I'm not afraid to say what I , you know , what I feel or what I believe in my coworkers . You know they sometimes look at me like what the hell did you just say ?
Speaker 3You know , like are you ? Are you , are you kidding , are you being serious , you know ? And so you know , and I believe what I believe . And so maybe people will think I'm crazy . I don't know , I don't care , you know . I mean , I'm here to be kind to people and make friends , and I'm not here to make enemies , and I'm not here to judge , and I'm not here , you know , I'm just here to just . I know it sounds corny , but I'm here to spread love and that's what I do . I'm not a hippie , I'm not any of that . I don't know what I am . All I know is that I'm here to share love .
Speaker 2That's it . That's beautiful . I love that . And just on a side note , during this whole COVID thing , the government literally did release a statement saying that there were a bunch of unidentified flying things and there were like proof of some kind of abnormal thing and but we're all super distracted , I mean it was . It was like we were all just kind of like distracted where it was like you know , that wasn't the most important thing on the news which is really interesting to me . I'm like what else ? What else has been happening ?
Speaker 2while we've been kind of like all freaking out about all these in this whole little fuzzy , blurry part of our lives .
Speaker 3Yeah , because you know it took almost three years .
Speaker 2Yeah it's been the kind of chaotic .
Speaker 3Yeah , a little bit .
Speaker 2Just saying what new belief , behavior or habit has most improved your life .
Speaker 3I don't have any . I can't think of anything new .
Speaker 2It doesn't have to be new , just any kind of well , I I've come out of hibernation .
Speaker 3I hibernated the year 2023 . The year before that I was , I jumped out of a plane , I went ziplining , I was doing all this adventurous stuff , and then last year I literally hibernated and just kind of focused on family and just doing my own thing but not really getting out . So the behavior has changed . I'm doing a lot more this year . The bear has been poked , so she's ready . So it's not something that I share publicly when I'm doing personal things . You know , traveling , spending time with family , it's very far and few um . That's definitely something that I have changed . This year .
Speaker 2So I love that , yeah , love that . Uh , what was your best or what ? Yeah , what was your best investment under a hundred dollars ?
Speaker 3best investment under a hundred dollars . Well , I guess anytime I find a good wooden canvas that's like for cheap you know , like that's , like the best investment for me because they're not cheap . I'm not a big spender , I mean I spend on little things .
Speaker 1You know , just I , I don't do that I don't go to the mall , I don't like shopping yeah , you .
Speaker 3I like Amazon . That's pretty much it . Yeah , yeah , amazon is life .
Speaker 2I mean , amazon is literally the thing . Now you know it's a yeah .
Speaker 3That's what I do . I do Amazon .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3When you feel overwhelmed or unfocused , what do you do ? I watch Nacho Libre or I'll watch 21 Jump Street . I watch stupid comedy and it just one of the rules I have that I like to implement with my family and some of my friends is , when you go to bed , watch something that's going to make you laugh , so that when you go to sleep you got a smile on your face . So when I'm feeling a certain type of way , I will just veg out and watch like the most stupidest funny .
Speaker 3That's funny to me you know , and I'll rewatch it over and over and over and over .
Speaker 2So yeah , yeah , I think that's excellent . I should reenact it .
Speaker 3Sometimes I think that that would be like a good next level is just reenact the scenes that made me I don't know , it was a thought , oh no .
Speaker 2I mean it's going to happen now .
Speaker 3It'll be your whole new art form now , and you're going to know yeah , yeah , yeah , I'm going to be like ah , you're going to be the only one that knows . Everyone's what's happening ? Yeah , she's lost it . If you had to gift one book to someone , what would ? What would it be if you're a reader ? Um , it would be the four , the four agreements .
Speaker 2You know that's the number one most common answer on the podcast . Yeah , isn't that crazy . That book has made a change in yes , so many people's lives yes it is insane um it made a change in my life . I mean , it's probably one of the most profound books I've ever read .
Speaker 3It , honestly , is and like , when I received it , I was in I was working in dialysis back then and um , a co-worker , gave it to me for christmas , I think , and um , and I read it , and I read it , and I read it .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 3And it just like it was like an epiphany , like these are just four simple things that I need to do that will better me .
Speaker 2That's it . It's so Common sense , yeah , and it's so profound , but we don't do it .
Speaker 3As human beings we don't do it . Yeah , you know . And so it's one of those like blew my mind . I was like okay .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3And to this day I still use it and when I talk to people I'll be like , don't take it personal , it's not personal . You know just little things like that , you know .
Speaker 2Like I'm to preach to you , but don't take it personal it's okay , you know , I just the assumptions . One like don't make assumptions yes , like changed yeah everything for me , like you know yeah , I read that book when I was like really young , when I get high school and uh yeah , I just it changed my whole outlook on everything and , um , I remember when I would talk with folks and I would see , obviously you would see other people making assumptions you know what I mean and you want to like I don't know , that would be like uh .
Speaker 2But then , like I just had to remind myself , like , okay , I just have to live . You know my truth and my reality and like yeah in that way and just don't make assumptions on my part you know , and way and just don't make assumptions on my part . You know , and I remember getting these arguments , this guy was just like assuming all this stuff , like he didn't ask , like you know a lot of people do this right like , just assume a lot of things and that becomes a reality . And I'm like man , like I'm like that .
Speaker 3Those are a lot of assumptions , you know and if you just asked that question , yeah , you would have saved yourself time and energy . You know , it's so simple .
Speaker 2It's so amazing and you know , obviously don't take things personally and I know it's always your best , but there's one I'm missing that is be impeccable with your word . Be impeccable with your word , which is yeah , is , I think , the one that's coming up recently where I'm just like you know the truth will set you free . You know what I mean and like and I don't know . I never really appreciated that before . I'm not saying I'm like I go around lying all the time , but I'm saying like there are like little small lies .
Speaker 2I think we tell people we to protect them , or that's different . I mean , we're lies , I think we tell people to protect them .
Speaker 3That's different . I mean , we're human , we're going to do that . But I do believe word is bond . If you say you're going to do something , or you say you feel a certain way , or whatever the case is , I take your word . I take your words and I hold them . And so , yeah , it's really important it's , it's , it's it's really important trust .
Speaker 2I think and like and like building connection right of like , you know not being a flaky kind of person you know in that sense of like saying you're going to do one thing and then not doing or not even attempting to do it , or you know something like that , and obviously there's nuance in all that . But you could be like completely sick and throwing up or something Right .
Speaker 3And you can't show up . Right .
Speaker 2But just those four . If people just lived by those four agreements , we would be living in a great world .
Speaker 3Life would be so much easier . You know like it would be a great . It would just take a lift off people's shoulders . It it would be much easier . You know like it would be a great it would just take a lift off people's shoulders .
Speaker 2It really would . It's insane . Sorry to go on the tangent there . Okay , who do you think of when you hear the word successful ? Who do ?
Speaker 3I think of . I'll be honest with you . I think of myself .
Speaker 2Perfect .
Speaker 3I really do , yeah , and I mean that in the sense that , after going through trauma , after going through heartbreak , after going through so many negative things in my life , in my life .
Speaker 3And having taken these last few years , you know , especially coming out here , has like changed my way of thinking and I think also I found myself , and that's another cliche . People say you know well , what do you mean ? You found yourself , I found myself , I am comfortable with myself , I can , I love myself , you know , and it's not easy to do , because there are days where you know we can wake up and feel like shit and that's okay because it's just , it's temporary , this too shall pass Right . But I feel like I'm successful in the sense that I have accomplished so much independently and I'm loved .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3I don't need anyone , I don't need anything and I don't mean that in a you know like with my chin up high and you know , I'm independent .
Speaker 3It's not even like that . It's more just I can do for myself . And that to me , you know , and I feel strong about that , and I'm surrounded by important people in my life that love me and that to me , you know , and I feel strong about that , and I'm surrounded by important people in my life that love me , and that's all that matters to me . You know , I enjoy being single . By the way , people don't believe that . People think you know like how come you're not single . I love being single and I think it's because past experiences 100% , but also it's just , it feels great to be free . You know , like I cannot commit right now , cannot do it .
Speaker 2Yeah , I think there's this
Freedom of Being Single vs. Relationship
Speaker 2. There's this thing where there's like a special freedom in being single that maybe you know and I go back , maybe you can be that free in a relationship and I , you know , maybe just that maybe you know , but like yeah , but like um , there is this freedom . That's just kind of this . Like you know , you don't have to , you don't have to think about somebody all the time when you're doing something .
Speaker 2You know , I mean that that basic feeling of like oh , I'm gonna be home later , I need to check in or something you know there's no checking in , which is kind of sad sometimes but some , but then it's freeing a little bit , you know , for me um yeah , that was like a thing like you know um , but like it's kind of yeah , yeah it's dangerous , it's a dangerous territory .
Speaker 3Because when you can say you know I'm so comfortable being single that I can like I don't it's dangerous . Because then you're so comfortable that If there were opportunity , or if there were , you know like , will you see that , will you accept it , will you want it ? Probably . So , it is a little dangerous for someone that is that comfortable being alone , you know . But on another note , it's great , Like I love it Living on the edge , you can like decide if you want to be . You know , hang out with someone or people .
Speaker 1You can .
Speaker 3And if you don't , you can , it's nice .
Speaker 2Yeah , I know , I love that . That's such a beautiful way of looking at that . I needed that . What advice would you give yourself 10 years ago ?
Speaker 3Okay , so 10 years ago ? The only advice I would give myself 10 years ago I know exactly where I was 10 years ago this time is that I would probably just say just go with it , it's going to be good .
Speaker 1It's going to be really good and you're going to love it , I think that's what I would say just go with it you are going to love it , just keep going , just just go , you got this .
Speaker 3Trust the process trust the yes trust the process . So true , so true , oh my god , that's an amazing answer .
Speaker 2Okay , what's the worst advice you have ever received ?
Speaker 3Worst advice Gosh . Okay , this one's really bad .
Speaker 2Great , that's perfect .
Speaker 3Short story . I'm going to make it very short . Very short , back when I was drinking and doing a lot of partying , I had a coworker that was out of state so we would fly , you know , we traveled for work and whatnot , and so we would , you know , we would do our work , you know , but at night it was a whole different . Other story , long story short . She rented something . I think we were in Texas and this is horrible .
Speaker 3So you know we're partying , I have the bladder of a five-year-old , so you know I would drink , and then I have to pee like two minutes later . So here we are on the highway . It's raining . I remember it was storming and I had to use . I had to pee , pee . Yeah , she is yelling at me saying this is a rental , just pee . Oh my God , it's leather seats and I'm like looking at her like that .
Speaker 3She did not just say that and she was like just pee , it's you , you're fine , you're fine , we're almost at the hotel . I was like pull over , just pull over . So yeah , don't pee in rental cars .
Speaker 2At the end of the story .
Speaker 3Yes , please do not take anyone's advice to pee in a just because it's a rental , just pull over . So we pulled over , I jumped out and did my thing , but yeah , that was the logic behind that .
Speaker 1I do not know what's that for she ? No , she's from tennessee , and it's a rental car .
Speaker 3Tennessee has nothing to do with it , but it just seemed like the first thing out of her mouth was just just pee right there . It's just a rental , it's fine , just just . And I'm looking like what just for just . It's just a good reminder I don't really want to work in the rental car business and that you know .
Speaker 2God bless those respect the rentals .
Speaker 3Respect the rentals , that's all I'm saying .
Speaker 2Do not all right , we have one more here . Then we have two surprise questions . What does positive change look like to you ?
Speaker 3uh , I think it's . It's a very simple thing positive change . Just be kind , be nice to people regardless . I don't care how much of a person is an asshole to you . Just be nice because you there are assholes out there that are just assholes but there's a reason why and we may not know it it may not be okay to be treated a certain way , but you just don't know what that person is going through and empathy , you know . So I honestly and I truly live by this and I'm not perfect . I talk a lot of shit and if I don't like something I'm gonna say it . Yeah , but I truly believe that just being kind and just , you know , helping , even if it's just a little thing , even if it's complimenting someone , will make their day and to me that's a positive change because it will , one way or another , trickle on to someone else . So you can do that to five people , but I can guarantee at least one of them will do the same for someone else , and that's what I believe .
Speaker 2That's beautiful . All right . Now my favorite question I'm scared's beautiful . All right . Now my favorite question I'm scared . No , no , no . Okay , If you had a power animal , what would it be ?
Speaker 3Ooh , a power animal . I would probably want it to be like half unicorn , half lion , but it would be like a lion with the unicorn horn .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3And implement like whites and purples in its fur .
Speaker 2but it would be like a lion with the unicorn horn , yeah , and implement like whites and purples in its fur . It would be so cool .
Speaker 3It would be more lion Fierce , yeah but then like , but , like you want to have like a tea party with them and cupcakes and stuff , you know .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 3I think that would be cool .
Speaker 2I like how you automatically went to combining a mythical creature and a lion and a lion . I always have to tell people like it's okay to mix them up . You're like I'm just going to go there , I'm just going to go there . It's just amazing . So and then the last one is what is your astrology sign and do you resonate with it ?
Speaker 3Oh , I'm a Libra .
Speaker 2And yes , I do .
Speaker 3I'm balanced . If I'm not balanced , you'll know it . You know , yeah . Yeah , it speaks for itself . I just like to stay balanced . And that means you know , after a long day at work , I love my coworkers , but if you see me out there saging there's a reason for it , I gotta get that balance back and the same and it also applies to my painting , because if I go like two weeks without touching a brush . I'm off , I'm off the charts , like I'm just like you know so yeah , I think there's a .
Speaker 2Yeah , I'm a know , I'm an artist and a musician . I'm like everything kind of person and like I've realized , you know , in this conversation and like just recently if I don't , there's been periods where I don't play music a lot and in those periods , like I'm like just like focused , like focused on like other work and all this stuff , but it's just usually it's not a good sign it's usually like a sign from my like unconscious mind or my like somewhere deep inside of me or above .
Speaker 2That's like there's something going on here . You need to yeah , you need to stop for a second , because every time I take like a long break , I'll go somewhere , or like you know , do something . Art and music are the first things to come back automatically yeah , you know and I really resonate with that I'm not a libra .
Speaker 2But I mean , I resonate with , with that , um , but yeah , that's , that's beautiful . So this is the last part . This is where you can say anything you want , like where can people find your art ? Like do you have any shows coming up , any , any advice ? Or you know you want to give other artists . You know this is just your time to kind of , just here's your soapbox , like go for it .
Speaker 3Okay , well I'm . Yes , I feel a little awkward now . It's kind of weird for me . You're welcome .
Speaker 2This is all the spotlight's on you .
Speaker 3Yeah , I don't like it . You're in front of the whole audience now , I don't like it .
Speaker 3Okay , well , if you are , if you'd like to take a look at my artwork , I'm on Instagram . My Instagram handle is whisper W-H-I-S-P-E-R , underscore S-F as in San Francisco , because that's where I'm from , and I do have an upcoming art show . It is on Saturday , april 13th , from 1.30 to , I want to say 7.30 , at Motion Pacific here in Santa Cruz , and it's a huge space . I plan on bringing anywhere between 40 or 50 pieces , my bigger pieces , some small ones , and also I just want to plug in a good friend of mine , meant to be healing . She will be my special guest .
Speaker 3She does a lot of infusing of CBD products for homeopathic reasons , and also one more thing my grandson , who's five . He's going to have a little piece of a wall for his artwork . I just wanted to bring that up , and the reason being is that that's the encouragement is the children , you know . Let them give them some crayons , give them some paint , give them whatever they want , give them a piece of paper and let them explore , because , I'll tell you , although it's therapeutic for me , it's also therapeutic for them , because they can express whatever they're feeling . They can express it and with that , I look forward to seeing anyone who would be interested to come to my show . It's going to be a lot of fun . It's going to be a lot of music . I'll be there , a lot of good vibes and free hugs , and that's it .
Speaker 2Well , sin , it's been awesome to chat with you . Thanks for coming on the podcast . This has been Speak for Change with Thomas H Pettersson , and that's me . Have a good day , alright , bye .