Naomi is joined on the iCandy Duo Podcast by Amy Lane - Author of 'I Can Run', Host of 'Well Far' podcast, Executive Editor of Digital Women’s Health UK and mum to Huxley. In this episode we chat to Amy about the marathon of motherhood and the importance of making physical and mental health a priority as a new mum.
(Trigger Warning - Birth Trauma is discussed in this podcast)
Naomi is joined on the iCandy Duo Podcast by Amy Lane - Author of 'I Can Run', Host of 'Well Far' podcast, Executive Editor of Digital Women’s Health UK and mum to Huxley. In this episode we chat to Amy about the marathon of motherhood and the importance of making physical and mental health a priority as a new mum.
(Trigger Warning - Birth Trauma is discussed in this podcast)
Welcome to the eye-candy duo podcast with me, Naomi Williams, a 30 something parents of none baffled by how much is undiscussed in the world of pregnancy and parenthood. I'll be asking the questions because you want the answers to on this podcast, which is brought to you. I candy world makers of beautifully British Bush stares for parents across the globe.
Speaker 2:[inaudible]
Speaker 1:This week, we are joined on the eye-candy DNA podcast by Amy Lane, author of icon run, host of welfare podcast, executive editor of digital, of women's health, UK, and mum to Huxley. In this episode, we'll be chatting to Amy about the marathon of motherhood and the importance of making physical and mental health, a priority as a new mum. Hello, Amy, it's so lovely to have you on the eye-candy duo podcast. I have to say when I was reading out all of the things that you do, I always run out of breath to even finish off with, and then she's mama of Huxley, but like, how are you, how are you getting on? I hear that your son is just about to turn a year old next month.
Speaker 3:He is. Um, so firstly, thank you for having me on, um, and that lovely intro it. Yeah, it's been quite a lot to pack in, I would say in the past couple of years. Um, but yeah, thankfully I'm the mother of a nearly one-year-old who is literally keeping me on my toes at the moment running around, um, and has become the cheekiest little boy I know out of nowhere.
Speaker 1:Oh, fantastic. Also great name by the way, Huxley. That's all. Uh, was it, was it based on anyone or is it just a name that you go, is this really loved?
Speaker 3:I'm going to be really honest here. Um, I could say it's after a very famous author, um, but it's really from a nameless.
Speaker 1:Oh, well, do you know what good for you for say like, so I was looking at going, oh, Huxley Huxley. And we were actually just talking before the podcast ad, we're all doing a bit of a map, Google I've got, what is that? And then of course the author came up and we were like, yeah, we wouldn't have said that though. Like it's reminding us of something else, but it's really cool name so good for you.
Speaker 3:I feel I have to be honest with it, but I saw it probably like 3:00 AM in the morning when you have pregnancy insomnia. And um, there's one, um, description of it where it it's described as here's my day as the name definition. And we moved whilst I was pregnant to opposite a really beautiful meadow. And so it just, it just felt so, right. So we went with it
Speaker 1:Sort of a peer for the moment at 3:00 AM while you're desperate facility. Just go, I'll take that. I'll take that as a win in this scenario,
Speaker 3:Not in your app,
Speaker 1:Like your big for any of our guys that are listening and they're not already connected to you on your sort of your, on your social channels. Of course we'll link them all in. Um, as you've got such a great, very transparent, actually you're very ode to what you would just talk about a value full transparency here then. Okay. From here. Um, you've got a very, it's really, it's like a breath of fresh air. It's a really open and honest, uh, social platform, which I really commend you on. Um, because it isn't always a bed of roses, you know, when, uh, when you're having cares or sometimes people have very challenging pregnancies. Um, and you know, sometimes, and like, like yourself that you've been quite open about, um, having quite traumatic birthing stories, um, and that don't necessarily get discussed enough sometimes that, um, what can be perceived as a sort of negative scenario can be kind of brushed under a carpet, but actually it's what it's disgusted. It can be quite empowering for other women. Um, I mean, was there, did you intentionally kind of go in and wanting to share that, that side of your birth story? Um, did you know, did you just want to sort of do it for yourself or did you think this could actually really help connect other women with sort of a similar story?
Speaker 3:So it was, it was the latter. So, um, I, well, whilst I was pregnant, I did a fantastic hypnobirthing course and I I'd moved to I'd relocated from London, I'd moved to Winchester and I found out that they had this fantastic home birthing team. And so whilst I was pregnant, I, I really went down the natural bursary and I did everything I could. So when Huxley was breached, I researched into spinning babies and I was upside down on an ironing board trying to turn him, um, my husband thought I was mental. Um, but I really, really bought into that and to doing as all of the natural things, as much as I could. And I thought I was really, really on track to if you like breathe my baby out. Um, and then I did have a complication at the end of my pregnancy, which meant that sadly, I couldn't go with the home birth team. So it switched to being consultant that care. But in my head I was still having an actual birth and when that didn't happen and it was so far from an actual birth, um, and I, I woke up. So I ended up getting into general anesthetic because, and for anyone who hasn't seen my Instagram posts, I had a really, really, really rare, rare complication during theater when they were going to use for sex. And I was given a spinal block and fortunately it, it went high. Um, and what that means is, is that it affected the muscles in my chest, which controlled breathing, and then it affected my vocal chords. And so before I knew it, I was unconscious and I was put on a ventilator. And so I was not present for my best. And so I came around in this, um, I came back around in the recovery room hours later and then got wheeled into the delivery suite. And my husband had been in that room or by himself during that time. And he had no idea what was going on with me. Um, the first Matt, our son Huxley as he was whizzed passed with a bag on his face, on his way to, um, neonatal. And I won't, you know, I woke up and he was trying to, you know, be brave for me, but I, all I could remember was just that kind of crashing out moment in theater. And I was like, oh my God, what happened? Um, but then we kind of went into this weird situation where it was all about my son and don't get me wrong. I am so lucky to have a healthy baby now, but it became that narrative of, oh, it doesn't really matter what happened because you've got a healthy baby. And so for, for days I was in a hospital room by myself, um, and he was down in neonatal and I just kept getting told that same, that same line. At least you've got a healthy baby and I was then discharged from hospital. And even on my notes, it was saying that I was having PTSD flashbacks and obviously my mental wellbeing, wasn't where it should be. Um, but I was still discharged and I, for months for probably about two months, my mental health got worse and worse. And I just didn't know where to turn because I was at home with my gorgeous little boy. Um, but I just felt so far from being well. And I really, really didn't know how to voice that because every time I broached what had happened with people, I got that same kind of response again, but at least you're okay now, at least he's okay now. And I think that's just how it all snowballed. And I ended up, um, with having really bad intrusive thoughts and just really scared for both myself and my son. And then when I went to the GP about something to do with him, she said to me, are you okay? Like, you know, you seem, seem a little bit on edge, a bit anxious. And that was just the moment I broke down. And then she helped me. Um, and I ended up getting specialist treatment, but I've just never felt so alone in my life. And so when it came to sharing that and Instagram, I did it because I wanted other women to understand that, you know, it, isn't sometimes those natural bursts that you plan really don't happen. Um, and you know, you might not have something as extreme as I went through, but you might have an experience that leaves you really traumatized, and that doesn't mean that you're broken, um, or that, you know, you're, you're instantly a bad mom or it's just what you've experienced and actually getting help can make you make sense of that and can help you heal and move on. And so that's why I shared it because I wanted other women to be able to speak up. And I just felt so alone as in, I didn't know where to turn to. Um, so I wanted to put a charity called birth trauma association on other women's radar because they are trying to open a phone line at the moment. And for me that phone, I feel so important because aren't very many dedicated resources to pairing and natal mental health.
Speaker 1:Thankfully though, like, like you say, you did finally get that, that support that you needing. It's great that the doctor kind of saw in you that, you know, just by asking quite simply, like, how are you able to really kind of open up and take that opportunity? You know, it's sad to hear that it came sort of two months later, um, into that part of the journey with you. But, um, and like you say about the birth trauma association, I mean, I do talk to a lot of various different people on the podcast, but actually I might, maybe this is to my shame. It's the first time I've actually seen these guys and they've got a great social platform as well. Again, we'll tag everything in. Um, I mean, what was, what was it like reaching out to those guys and kind of the, you know, the dialogue that you had with that kind of association and how that helped you?
Speaker 3:So I actually spent just a lot of time on their website and going through their social channels and I joined Facebook group, um, which is linked and that's what really helped me because I started to read other women's stories and it made me realize that actually I, I wasn't alone and I wasn't broken. Um, there, you know, there are other women that have really, really experienced something similar or something, um, or some kind of trauma relating to birth. And so that experience of connecting with others really, really helped me because I think when you experienced something like birth trauma and you are in like a mum's network, you might be one of the only ones who's experiencing that at the time. And I think you don't want to bring others down around you. So I had a great little, um, mum network here in Winchester, and I spoke openly to one of the mums, but I felt like to the other mums, I couldn't actually mention how, how I was feeling, because I just didn't want to be the Debbie downer. He, you know, he had a six week old baby and he just really, really wasn't feeling right when they were just like ni heads, everything deep in that newborn baby love. Um, and so I did really kind of connect with other women online and found that really helpful.
Speaker 1:Actually, there's some, there's actually from what you've just said. Cause I was just thinking, cause I'd love to talk about your book. I can run. Um, because actually there's a, there's a lovely line in the synopsis of the book of, uh, it says, uh, we're all in it for the long run together. We can do this and it does have that really lovely synergy with parenthood. And like you say, the way that you can connect to certain people, um, and really kind of discuss it and in a way they kind of join that, the journey with you throughout parenthood. I mean, um, have you found since that obviously when the books come out and it's, it's really been, it focuses on kind of don't let that, I suppose, like don't let the title necessarily completely deceive in that sense. It's not just all about her say running, I suppose that's right to say AB obviously, because it's about 100%. Yeah. It's about digging in to find a sort of, I mean, you say sort of inner athlete, but I think it's, it's so good. And to be fair, I will start walking because you'll probably the best person I've actually explained your own book, but I did love because it's that thing of like, I can't run and it's so interesting when you apply that to so many different areas of your life. Like I can't do this or I can't, you know, I, I, there's so many areas where you you're mentally, you shut down before you give yourself the opportunity. Um, but yeah, no, maybe if it's the guys, you know, with this, with your, with your book and maybe explain a little bit more about that for them.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Say that phrase I can't run, um, is heard obviously all around the world and sure people might not be able to run, but it's because they don't have the education or the experience. And so as soon as you start explaining to people, this is exactly how you can run. Um, and you start breaking it down and, you know, giving people the tools that they need suddenly running becomes really testable. But we just think that because we can put our trainers on and go out the door and you know, that we should be able to run a five pay or run for 30 minutes because the barriers to entry of like the barriers to entry of running are quite low, but then people find it really hard and they immediately give up. But I say to people, would you go to a gym and, you know, try lift, try dead, lift a hundred kilos. You wouldn't, you'd have to put the trading in. And so that's what the book does. It, it shows people how to, how they can ride and how they can fall in love with it. Um, and I suppose how it can have such positive impact on their lives. You don't have to be, you don't have to be an athlete. You don't have to chase the time, but having that competent to put on your trainers and to get out the door for five minutes or 30 minutes at some point during your week and benefit your mental wellbeing as much as your physical wellbeing. And so that's what I really hoped for the birth, along with all the kind of the expertise in there. There's also my personal story about how I conquered quite a few demon to run a marathon and what that taught me and those lessons have really stuck with me. And I suppose they've been so important now, as I try and rebuild my Fitbit, um, in this kind of postnatal period, because on a marathon, you can't just train hard and fast for 16 or 20 weeks because you're burnt out and you really need to respect your body. And I think those lessons of what really, really transfer over to the postnatal period, because you have to be kind, you have to do things right. If you don't do things right, you risk more injury. Um, and ultimately just, it sucks and it just lacks enjoyment. And that's how I think that kind of fits into everyday life.
Speaker 1:Um, and I have to say, cause I do I do, I do love writing myself and it's I was looking over it and I was like, my God, you've absolutely nailed this. Cause there's some mornings where, I mean, getting up to go for a five minute run is like an, a choice. It's like, say run 10 K, but there'll be other days. Or you might not even be in the morning. It might be a lunchtime when you go, do you know what I am? So in the mood and it's almost like your mind can keep you going and I have not a healthy Amy. Do you know what I mean? So normally my body would collapse, you know, after about 20 minutes. But, um, but it's, it's incredible once your mind is really aligned with it and goes, you really fancy this, you'll do it. You clear your head, go for it. There'll be a number of reasons why you get totaled. Like almost like your stars aligning you go, let's go and you'll just lose yourself in it. And it's like you say, it's so true. You know, it's so many different aspects of your life as soon as you kind of mentally go, right. And you've almost got to let go to allow that kind of acceptance back in where you are. Right. Let's just take our time. Do you want to go, just go for five minutes, if you want whatever, go for a walk instead of going for a run, instead of, you know, kind of almost alienating yourself from something that actually deep down you love doing, or you just might not be fueled enough or in the right mind frame. And I think, yeah, as a, someone who's got a brand new baby actually taking that approach is just like that. That should be the only advice then this kind of idea that you need to sort of snap back in and write. This is pure army drill discipline. Um, in getting back to this kind of sense of like where you used to be, which I used to also think is kind of madness in itself. I mean, you speak again, you speak about this quite a lot on your Instagram, um, and a lot about that kind of mental health. Um, and I suppose to particularly personal battles surrounding sort of that post-baby fitness period, um, again, like comparing yourself and your social media media can be a brilliant platform, but also just absolutely Viper den when it comes to body comparisons or anything like that. I mean, what would you say to new parents who are also experiencing this and how do you personally navigate that kind of battle?
Speaker 3:I think I struggled in the beginning because everyone talks about this and loss of identity when you become a mum. And I did feel that to some extent, but I actually just felt like I gained a new identity and then I had to, I had to get to grips with that and I had to really understand how I fit it into this new world. And that's really what I struggled with. That's really what I struggled with in the beginning, because I never been as fast as I was as at nine months pregnant because I went into my pregnancy, I just run a marathon. So I was really, really in a good place. And then I managed to keep up my exercise throughout and obviously I tapered it towards the end. Um, but I was still lifting weights. I was doing yoga and I felt the best I've ever felt. Um, in mind and body, I felt so strong. And so then when I came out the other side, uh, then I came up for air. Um, and at six weeks I still didn't want to exercise. I've really struggled with that because I just thought when I was nine months pregnant, I just thought, right. You know, I'm going to give myself a few weeks to adjust to my new kind of mum life. Um, and then I know where to go to get my exercise is I'll just add them into my daily routine, but when I actually didn't want to. And then when I found out life gets really busy with a new board when they actually wake up and you don't have much time. I really struggled with that because I was like, the old me doesn't exist. And this new me is somebody who I've never met before. Um, and how do I, how do I still have a sense of self with getting, getting the things which I enjoy into my life at the right time? So I still enjoy them and they don't become another stress. And so I, you know, I started various workout plans and I put on a gram, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. Um, I did it for a few days and then I fell silent because I just took on too much. Um, and then I sat down and I really thought about how much time do I have in my week and how much time do I want to exercise because I've also never been as tired as I was. Um, and I know that, I know that should have been a pretty obvious thing with having a newborn, but the breastfeeding fatigue was just unreal. Never felt anything like it. And so I had to be really realistic with actually how much extra stress can I take and how much an extra energy can I expand and say, when I started to think about that and then find times in my week and I signed up to that app, um, and they have, uh, they have a plan on there called fit mum. And I actually know the trainers who designed that plan. So I felt I had quite a lot of confidence in the fact that it was the right training and it was all being done really well with a lot of emphasis on rebuilding your core and your pelvic floor in the right way. When I signed up to that, and I realized that actually a 30 minute workout, because that's all they are on there, um, can be done in a nap time or can be done before my husband goes to work. And I only need to do three of them a week. I suddenly started to really build my confidence up again and build my strength and my fitness back up again. And then I started to really enjoy exercise again. But I mean, that took, that took months I would say is now 11 months. And I probably started that about four months ago. Um, and up until that time, I, I fell into that trap, which you mentioned that other parents fall into where you look at other people and it's Graeme and you're like, how is she managing to work out all the time? But what you don't realize is that, you know, behind the kind of the high profile accounts and Instagrams and lots of them have nannies. And that makes it a lot easier because they've got, they've got childcare whenever, you know, whenever they like, or they pay for it. Um, and so that gives them the freedom to be able to work out. And then also, probably after their workout, make themselves some food, which has, you know, which is actually quite tough at the moment. I find that, you know, if you do your 30 minute workout, you're like, what am I giving up to do that 30 minute workout might given a shower, my giving up the chance to like sit down and actually eat some breakfast rather than eat it as I'm walking around the kitchen. And so I think you've kind of got to take what you see on Instagram with a pinch. So, and realize that, you know, it's not real life. A lot of the time, a lot of thing goes on. A lot of things go on behind the scenes of those accounts to make those accounts a reality. Um, and so it's all about zoning in, on honing in on what you can do in your household. That's going to make you and your family happy.
Speaker 1:I really hope a lot of listeners get a lot out of what you've just said, because exactly that. And honestly, I mean, I've, I've spoken to a limpian before and they are, they do incredible things, but they've said exactly the same as you. They recite, you know what I could Bailey for various reasons. Maybe they lack of motivation sometimes, you know, because of the C-sections or whatever, some have just gone. And actually, I really just took my time. I didn't do anything for at least 6, 7, 8, you know, really long periods of time. Do you think my copy, you know, it's awful. Just assume, well, you, I thought you'd be straight back up and doing it. So why, why would you ever see that they've just gone through what, you know, what other women would might be going through at the same time going? I just had a baby. Yeah. So it's like a reset. You just got to listen to your body and really take your time.
Speaker 3:And I think like let's not overlook the benefits of walking. I've never pounded the pavement so much as I did when Huxley was litter. And then when I actually, I think he was about two months or something, and I looked on like the apple health app and I realized that I was walking 5k a day on the nap backs to like help her to get him to sleep. I was like, oh my God, I'm actually doing quite a lot of exercise without, without even realizing it. So, you know, if you're feeding guys, if you're listening in and you're feeling like you're not, you're not doing that much, actually look at your daily movement trackers over the day and just see actually that you're probably more active the way you think. And if you're doing that along with your pelvic floor work, um, and then can get in like a strength session at home, and that can just be a body weight, strength session, you know, you're, you're probably doing enough, so don't stress and just enjoy it. I mean, oh my God,
Speaker 1:That's like so much more that I do. And I don't have any kids. No, but I think that's the thing. It's those little bits it's like, actually don't ignore them. You're running around. Like you are doing a lot and probably not like you saying probably not eating when you should, or the beats you are. You're just stealing bits of food when you can. It's like actually given the fuel you're putting in, you're probably doing more than you need. Um, and actually what's lovely. And it's a FA a brilliant section on women's health online, um, that that's called sort of healthy mums. Um, and of course that, you know, since becoming a mom yourself, does it feel more important for you to be covering this kind of content on women's health?
Speaker 3:100% that actually, um, that's actually been on our radar for quite a while, that section, and we launched it just before I went on mat leave and it was so well timed because I found myself Googling certain topics to do with pregnancy. And, and I just thought, gosh, I am in such, such a prevalent, privileged position to know so many experts, um, and to have access to them yet. I still find myself Googling because I just don't have the information. And so when it came to deciding whether we should press the press the button and, and to launch that section, it was, it was a unanimous yes. Across the board from the team at women's house. And I just think it's really important to support women in all stages of their life. So we've obviously got that section, but I think it's really important to talk about the menopause too, because for so long women's bodies, people haven't really understood them and, you know, people or brands have been scared of them because there hasn't been enough research. Um, cause so many scientific studies are done on men. And so, you know, to be in a situation now in 2021 where there's research papers, coming out all the time and there's new tech launching, which educates us in the female body and the hormones, I think it's really exciting, but it also means that as a health brand, we need to jump on that and make sure that the information is really, really accessible. And so you'll see that section grow. Um, it's still in its infancy, but it's growing. Um, and we really, really value the feedback from the women's health community. We've got really engaged Instagram audience and how they respond in IDM is really helpful. And so we'll often pick up kind of, or listen into those and pick up topics and turn them into features. And that's really how, another reason why that section started because people were saying to us, I'm pregnant and I don't know what to size today.
Speaker 1:Yeah. It just, even as like a starting block, um, I don't absolutely. I think, yeah, the propensity just to be like, I'm just going to Google it, but if it can be housed under one area, I like you say it points them then into different directions where they go, I hadn't even thought of that. Right. Or that looks really interesting. Let's learn more about that. It's great to have such a, a fab resource all in one area. Um, because also likewise, you kind of covered quite a lot of those sorts of topics. Like the stuff that we've discussed today in your welfare, um, podcast as well, which again, it's going to be a whole load of links for everybody to really kind of tuck into in the show notes. But, um, I mean, what can you share any plans you have in store for your podcast
Speaker 3:At the moment? So after, after realizing that I needed to take step back from everything can get myself better. Um, I decided to take a Proctor mat leave this year. So I'm on mat leave from women's health. And I decided to take a mat leave from the podcast because I was fitting that in, um, around my full-time job. And then I, and then I went back to it when Huxley was three months old and it was such a juggle. So we've taken the rest of this year. I'm due back in the autumn Tai and we've taken the rest of this year to just, I'm having a bit of a reset and then I'll go back to it in your term and it'll be all conversations about where we're going to go with it. Um, until then though we are working with Spotify and there is a bite-sized daily playlist that people can listen to where we just offer either a running chair or a bit of advice from a famous runner each day, um, that people can just find that to you for free. So that's on there at the moment and it's doing really well. It's really exciting. Oh,
Speaker 1:Fantastic. Now. And it's perfect. They just kind of little daily anecdotes would. Yeah, they go so far. They really do. They can absolutely change your mindset, but, um, but no fantastic. Amy, thank you so much for coming on. It's been an utter pleasure talking with you today and all the best and um, yeah. I hope Huxley keeps you well, he sounds like he keeps you on your toes anyway, but I hope he's a delight before you have to go back to work after maternity leave, but we're really looking forward to welfare welfare podcast coming back, um, to our soon.
Speaker 3:Thank you very much. And thanks to everyone who's listened in to them to today's episode. It's been really nice sharing. Maybe, maybe your walk with you or maybe your run, or maybe you're just lifting on the couch. So thanks for listening
Speaker 1:To find out more information about the topics covered in today's podcast hits the eye candy blog page on www.eyecandyworld.com forward slash blog. You can also catch up on season one, featuring thought provoking and engaging interviews from a mix of industry leaders, experts, celebrity, parents, and health care specialists, all via your preferred podcast provider. If you enjoy today's episode, then don't forget to leave a review and hit like and subscribe to ensure you never miss an episode. Eye candy is a proud supporter of great Ormond street children's hospital charity every day brings new challenges at gosh. And this extraordinary hospital depends on charitable support to give seriously ill children the best chance of fulfill their potential Ida nation from as little as 10 pounds could pay for a genetic test that will help diagnose sick children. I'll say only 50 pounds could cover the cost of one night. Stay for parents in Ghosh's family accommodation every little bit helps support both children and parents alike and making a challenging time as comfortable as possible. If you'd like to make a donation, please head to discover DOT's eye candy, world.com/gosh,