Chicks Talking Shift

Protect your Shift with Boundaries! - From Video Podcast

December 17, 2020 Alecia Angel
Chicks Talking Shift
Protect your Shift with Boundaries! - From Video Podcast
Chapters
0:00
Intro
8:40
Indicators for the need for boundaries
11:00
You need a voice to set boundaries
12:30
Create a pact to practice using your voice
18:45
Awkward emotions can signal that a boundary is needed
23:50
Change the dance steps (patterns) that aren't serving you
27:55
Boundaries are a superpower that empower us
32:56
What does boundary setting require?
39:44
Why do we rationalize sometimes?
50:25
Bloopers and Outtakes
Chicks Talking Shift
Protect your Shift with Boundaries! - From Video Podcast
Dec 17, 2020
Alecia Angel

Boundaries construct a protective forcefield around us.  Practicing boundary-setting isn’t always easy but it’s what we need to do to manage our energy and the space around us.  Flexing our vocal muscle and leveling up our communication skills amps up our self-confidence and sense of well-being.

In this chick-chat, we learn how to reclaim our personal power with these potent nuggets:

• Knowing ourself is key
• Upshifting self-expression
• Creating a safety zone to practice using our voice
• Switching up our dance steps (patterns) with others
• Activating our superpower to unshackle us from resentment
• Rationalizing sabotages our good juju
• Setting boundaries that stick

(The audio from this podcast was pulled from our video podcast below)
Protect Your Shift with Boundaries -
https://youtu.be/WBdpIJtaN0s

Chicks Talking Shift on YouTube -
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCj4_I8xdBcF3KQ_IbnwX5ig
Chicks Talking Shift on Facebook
- https://www.facebook.com/ChicksTalkingShift


Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Boundaries construct a protective forcefield around us.  Practicing boundary-setting isn’t always easy but it’s what we need to do to manage our energy and the space around us.  Flexing our vocal muscle and leveling up our communication skills amps up our self-confidence and sense of well-being.

In this chick-chat, we learn how to reclaim our personal power with these potent nuggets:

• Knowing ourself is key
• Upshifting self-expression
• Creating a safety zone to practice using our voice
• Switching up our dance steps (patterns) with others
• Activating our superpower to unshackle us from resentment
• Rationalizing sabotages our good juju
• Setting boundaries that stick

(The audio from this podcast was pulled from our video podcast below)
Protect Your Shift with Boundaries -
https://youtu.be/WBdpIJtaN0s

Chicks Talking Shift on YouTube -
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCj4_I8xdBcF3KQ_IbnwX5ig
Chicks Talking Shift on Facebook
- https://www.facebook.com/ChicksTalkingShift


hi we're chicks talking shift and we've had a great conversation that we think you're really going to enjoy and it's about boundaries and setting boundaries so in this particular episode we talk about the purpose of boundaries which is setting your space of what you're willing to experience and what you're not why it takes building your voice as a muscle to even get to the point to where you can set boundaries how it empowers us to no end to learn how to do it and how to create us a pact with someone to create a safe space to be able to learn to exercise your voice so you can eventually get to the point to where you set boundaries oh i love this conversation uh let me tell you it's not fun to set boundaries uh it's not the funnest thing in the world but it is extremely empowering and we talk about how this level of freedom that about setting boundaries provides is like no other uh we we have such a great conversation around how some of us rationalize and therefore we don't exercise the boundaries like we should because we have the tendency to rationalize we talk about just knowing yourself who you are who you're not and when others are testing your boundaries and all these some really good stuff so we're glad you've tuned in and let us know what you think

hello again everybody and welcome back to chick's talking shift i'm angel and i'm alicia and we are so glad you're here we are so glad you're here and want to first of all thank you for your loving support and uh you know alicia i know you mentioned it last time but oh my gosh uh it is so cool uh that we have people sharing these conversations with us because i have to tell you you know we we were so busy before kovid and the pandemic uh it's like we we never really had time to catch up and that was one of the blessings of kovid for me was to be able to sit and chat with you for an hour or two and and really talk through what's happening that's really helped me so i want to just thank you alicia for being there for me through this this crazy time and helping me navigate through it because that's uh that's what we need right now i love you oh i love you so much you say an hour or two i have i have recollection of four and five hours so uh yeah yeah well time isn't even an issue when we're having conversations it's like a time warp yeah you know it's kind of cool yeah let's do the time

i don't know that song is that a new one i don't know it's from rocky horror picture show oh do you know i never saw it is there something wrong with me i know i know it took me it wasn't until just i don't know the last five or ten years that i've seen it either so but i knew that i i'd heard of that song before so i mean yeah yeah wow yeah it's crazy i think i'm the only person on the planet well at least from our era that hasn't seen it i yeah or experienced it but anywho anywho i just love our conversations and one of the biggest things that you've helped me with alicia through a lot of this is making me look you hold the mirror up beautifully for me but really making me look at my boundaries and some of the things that i'm not only relationships but some of the things that i allow in my life that aren't serving me energetically emotionally that i continue to do anyway knowing that it's it's not really for my highest good or anybody else around me for that matter and so because you have helped me so much around this uh this boundary topic um i thought it would be really really cool to just engage in a conversation and record the conversation for others to hear what you have to say about it so what how would you describe

boundaries what are they why are they important for for us what you think is how it benefits us as well yeah i did i did a video on boundaries you know boundaries is is a common topic that i talk about it's one of my favorite topics it really is and so um i talk about it a lot in my in my ask alicia column and i've done a couple of videos on ask alicia with that so there's some you know some information there um boundaries boundaries define our space and they define what we're willing to experience and let into that space and also defines what we're not willing to experience and what we're not going to let into that space so i kind of see it as drawing a circle around us and sitting with what do i want to experience and you have to know yourself first right to be able to set boundaries you have to know what your wants and your needs are to be able to even begin to set boundaries so in a simple in a simple way that's kind of how i would represent what boundaries are and their importance well said it is it's like having a border around your field your energy field yes energetically emotionally you've helped me recognize those indicators of when i need to really enforce the boundaries with certain situations certain people certain uh responses to things when i start and i know we talked about awareness but when i started really becoming aware of the triggers and just stopping and going wow i'm really getting worked up over this where is this coming from that's an opportunity for a boundary right there and and these these indicators that just knowing what feels off yes what feels like it's uh it's a kind of an icky feeling you know it's not this happy joyous feeling it's the opposite of that i don't even know how to describe it but it is a uh that's that's when you know that is one of the indicators uh that that a boundary needs to be set and it's um you know integrity um all those things that you talk about so much in your coaching sessions that are really the

the keys i guess to recognizing in yourself when you are allowing people to cross that line or allowing situations to cross that line or what have you often times the triggers come well it goes back to what we talked about in one of our previous shows about feelings being barometers right and showing us giving us a sense of direction what feels good what doesn't feel good and um especially for the things that don't feel real good recognizing that and then kind of digging deeper self-excavating to get a little bit of clarity around hmm that doesn't feel so good what what feels bad about that and you know oftentimes it is um rooted in respect you know and other people respecting um you being able to um claim what you want to experience and what you don't want to experience and especially once you've voiced it somebody continuing to

exhibit that behavior over and over and over again when you've already said very clearly i don't like that that doesn't feel good that doesn't feel right that feels disrespectful but they keep stepping over that line i mean that's why it's so important that to set boundaries you've got to be first you've got to know yourself and you've got to know what you're willing to experience and what you're what you're not and then secondly being able to articulate that clearly communicate that clearly to somebody else as far as what your boundary is and so that's a little caveat about this particular conversation because as we kind of get into it and we're saying oh you need to set your boundaries and this and that the other thing there's some people that are going to be watching that are like there's no way i could set a boundary and part of that comes with the fact that if you haven't found your voice yet it's going to be really difficult to set a boundary so for some this boundary conversation is might be a little bit advanced because maybe they haven't found their voice yet and there's no shame in that you know that most of us have been at places in at times in our life where we didn't have our voice and just because you can set a boundary doesn't mean that you have that that you have that voice across the board in all circumstances i'm pretty good with boundaries there's places where i have difficulty setting it you know and so that's the thing is that for the ones that i was like this conversation doesn't even make sense to me because there's no way i'd be able to do that then what we're looking for is the awareness of the fact that you haven't yet learned how to speak how to use your voice to speak your needs to somebody else and so that's what you want to baby step your way to on the way to the goal of setting boundaries is finding creating a safe space for you to to be able to speak your needs and to use your voice without feeli without fear of repercussion that something negative is going to happen or you're going to have to fight or that somebody's going to make you feel bad and so one of the ways that that i do that with people is we create a pact and so what i say is we have an understanding here and now that this is a safe place for you to use your voice it's a safe place for you to speak your needs it's a safe space for you to speak your boundaries and it's a safe place for you to get angry or or not be in your highest self with everything that comes along because this is where we practice and so if i have that agreement with you then you know okay this is what she said okay i'm gonna try it and what i find is that once people have created that safe space with another person that yes this is our agreement then you get to practice there and then once you've practiced there then you move out another layer and another and another ring in your in your inner circle and then you start to do it with close people that are close to you and then before you know it as you exercise that muscle those rings get further and further out and before you know it you're speaking it you know to to your family members and you're speaking it to your employer and you're speaking it and it strengthens that muscle so that's kind of one of the caveats for this larger conversation for people that you know are like there's no way i could set a boundary okay that's fine no you don't have to set the boundary but what you know is your voice is probably the issue so let's start working on that wow awesome for you to create that space for people you do you do that for me uh absolutely and when certain things don't make sense uh you have a way of just opening up that space for me to talk through it and make sense of it and then get that clarity that sometimes is needed uh for me to even voice what i'm thinking because a lot of times it doesn't make sense up here some of the things that we're we're going through especially right now through this pandemic and all the divisiveness uh it's it's you know it's a lot of these boundaries in our outer world are being uh totally moved out of the way and not uh being reinforced i guess the way i'd like him to be and so our inner world is is going through the same type of chaos it seems like and so having someone to help me articulate what is going on so i could even know where to even set a boundary and and how to set that boundary that's huge huge to have someone in your life that can do just that and make sense of the chaos out there and in here because that that is that's really the first first step in finding your voice knowing even how to articulate what's going on and and weed through all that confusion yeah well yeah to your point that's going to be especially important to extroverts right because extra extroverts process verbally if they don't know how they feel until it comes out of their mouth right and so but an introvert you know they're they're they're much more in their inner world and a lot of times have all that stuffed out and all that you know it's so interesting because i have friends that that are people of kind of few words but man when they say something it gets your attention and that's because they process internally you know and so it's especially important for extroverts to have that space to be able to even say because it just comes pouring out and sometimes you don't realize it until you actually say it it's it up here there's kind of we're kind of hidden from ourselves sometimes and sometimes there's some games that we play we play hide and seek with ourselves which when we when we when we're able to articulate it we're able to communicate it all the sudden it's like oh this has been up here all this time and now that i've said it it sounds kind of silly you know you get to see yourself it's a mirror

silly things and that's one of the reasons that i love you so

i know i know i know i say i it's like how do i get in this situation that's like what what did i just say right what you just kind of look at yourself like what the heck it's funny so true yeah yeah it's it's once you do say it and express it then it's it's almost like uh the universe takes it and runs with it and heals it but it's it's having the voice to put it out there and saying it and you know we're in a place of healing i think i really think 2020 is the year of healing and

and i keep going back to what you taught me but you have because through these conversations you you share so many of your insights uh in that healing process is the the ability to um identify uh what's hurting identify that pain identify those awkward emotions that you're having whether it be guilt or shame or

doubt or anything that's tampering with your joy and happiness and inner peace because those are those are the places you need to set the boundaries when uh and it could be parts of your past that you have to come to peace with and set a a boundary and say you know it's part of the reinventing stage of transformation it's stepping out into the highest vision of who you are and know who you who you are in your fullest potential

and starting to take the action steps to become that person and have the adopt the belief system of that person uh behave like that person would behave is that person smiling and happy does that person communicate well honestly know her or his truth and speak it without fear

what is that highest vision of yourself that you have and then

in that reinventing stage you start to practice being that person that's who you are in your highest form and you start to release the things that don't serve you or don't align with that vision um but you're going to stumble and fall and that's part of the boundary setting game is you don't always win you don't always get it right uh i mean you've known me a long time and you've seen me stumble and fall and come back to the same conversation you're probably like i don't even want to talk to her about this again

when is she going to get it right but uh we do we'll eventually get it right i do trust myself and believe in myself that much but sometimes it takes a while i think that's really important to know and you have patience i do have a lot of patience um no it's true it you don't just decide one day i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna you know speak my boundaries and i'm gonna keep good ones and blah blah blah blah i mean you can know internally that that's your goal but the practice of it it is practice and then just like with anything else as you have the success it it encourages it gives you more courage and it encourages you to do it a little bit more and then over time you start to realize that something comes up you deal with it you speak it you do what you have to do and it's like oh wait a minute

man when this used to happen i'd get all balled up and i'd get and it would the process took forever but look at how i just moved through that and you get to see your groan it's so fascinating to watch it and it's it's it's for me you know you talk about oh you've known me so long and you've seen me stumble and you've seen me fall and and that's that's that's the process but at the same time there is no greater honor than to walk beside somebody and be let in in their personal process and to understand what their fears are what their insecurities are and what their difficulties are to be able to hold hands and say you've got this and i'm just here as your jiminy cricket to remind you of what you said was important to you if you're not going to be harangued you're not going to be you know you're you're not going to be hit over the head it's just a prac a presence bearing witness to your process and so it takes over and over and over and over again it's not success and failure i mean there are times that you're going to do it and those boundaries are going to stick and then you're not experiencing that thing with that person anymore and you think oh my gosh i'm so glad that we've gotten to this point and that we're clear on what this is and they're not challenging me anymore that is one of the things about boundaries okay so let's talk about this let's talk about the dance steps because that's one of the things that boundaries do when you have a behavior that you've entered into with somebody and it happens over and over and over again everybody kind of gets used to the dance that you do with that routine and when you finally decide i don't want to do that dance anymore and when you're clear about it and then you can speak what your needs are and what your boundaries are you are changing the dance steps with somebody else and oftentimes it's not unusual for them to buck up against you because they were perfectly comfortable with the old dance that you were doing and so that's why when you speak them you got to be consistent with them and you got to keep showing up and reinforcing the boundary and reinforcing the boundary because that's the only way that they learn that we're really serious about what we're saying and what our needs are and then sometimes it's one thing for the dance steps to be changed but sometimes and i would think this whole covet thing that we're in with how everything is shifting and the fact that sometimes it's not just the dance steps that change but the music too the entire choreography changes which can feel awkward to everybody as we start to step in in a different way and say i don't want to do that dance anymore this is the dance that i want to do won't you join me we'll be we'll both be a lot happier if this happens so that's a big one yeah oh so true great analogy too nobody likes the dance moves to be changed without knowing about it and so that's where your voice does come in and it is it is the ultimate freedom when you have your boundaries in place and you're exercising them it is the ultimate ultimate freedom and there and we know how important freedom is in our lives everybody wants to feel free you know be that free spirit uh be financially free be just free of worry we we love freedom and uh boundaries help us feel that freedom that personal freedom it there's nothing quite like it it is one of the most powerful practices i believe in personal growth that that there is and it is a practice and you nailed it so i think now more than ever to exercise boundaries for our our own good our our well-being our mental health i think uh we're just getting trampled on by so much stuff and especially women today being pulled in so many directions

but it's going to make the world of difference if you can get back into the routines with these solid boundaries it's going to feel different it's going to be more joyous than it was before the pandemic because we were all like little hamsters you know and the hamster will just busy busy busy you know going through life and often on autumn often on automatic pilot yeah one of the things that you know i think that the pandemic has shaken up it's brought awareness it's brought more awareness to the to the forefront and the fact that it took us off automatic pilot as like we talked before it it disrupted our routines and the patterns in our lives so and to your point um the um

boundaries are a superpower yes they are they're a superpower i see yeah oh it reminds me of oh when we first met we became friends you sent me i still have it i've got you sent me a plaque that it was a it had a magnet on the back and it talked about you know with with a with a cape and a tiara i believe i could change the world you know and it's so true and so boundaries are a superpower and they empower us and so oh who doesn't want to feel empowered you know so sometimes i imagine myself dawning my little tiara in my little cave change the world starting with me because i've got control over changing myself there's not a whole lot of control i have externally yeah so and i know superpowers are a big thing for you i don't know about super when i think about superpowers i think about you i think that i think it's because of that magnet that you sent me yes yeah it's you know the whole power up people concept came from tapping into our inner superpowers that that's that's really what it's all about but it is a superpower i forgot what i was going to say but it's coming back this happens every time i don't know why it's because it's so engaged with what you're saying and i'm like yes i'm in learning mode but then i'm like oh wait i should probably respond to that uh i i think uh

i don't know why this happens every single time um hormones okay and hormones i'm just saying i'm a little bit further ahead of you

on the lifeline there i'm gonna go with that i'll go with that okay yeah uh alternatives hormones can always be fixed that's true that's true

if only i could set a boundary around my forgetfulness boundary in your brain where nothing could escape

well anyway i think oh i do remember now we have the control to change we have the ability to change it if we have any control over anything going on in the world it's the ability to change and you talked about being having super powers when you tap into the super powers and you are

exercising some of the stuff that we're talking about becoming more self-aware being more humble having a strict boundary knowing who you are knowing who you're not uh and not any letting anybody cross that line or any situation cross that line you're setting an example for others

in showing them another way to be it's that is another form of putting on your tiara and your cape because it they just see that in something resonates within them saying huh i admired that there's something about that that's very strong and what we admire in other people we generally see in in our potential that we're not exercising there's the difference between an admiration admiring somebody and then being jealous admiration is love base we're being jealous of somebody is uh is fear-based and so but to have an admiration like that and when you're practicing boundaries um i noticed that the people around me may not like it but there's an admiration that comes with it and that's where that's where the cape is because they're learning themselves to say huh i see the value in that i'd like to be that and uh and that's how we change the world my friend

yeah we all can be just a little better version of ourselves you know maybe not the best version that's that's kind of hard to do but uh take those baby steps that you talk about absolutely and so with the with the boundary setting you know so what is boundary what does boundary setting require you know well we we talked earlier that first and foremost you have to have your voice you can't set a boundary if you haven't found your voice yet right oh that's the first thing secondly it requires clear communication right and so we don't set boundaries in anger those aren't generally going to be received well so if we're in a situation to where we're angry and we realize that we need a boundary set then the best thing to do is let the energy settle and then go back and have the conversation later when we're at ourselves when we're feeling a little bit more in control so that we can communicate more neutrally because if there's anger in it immediately the walls and the other person comes up and there's nothing about that that they're going to want to hear but when you're able to go back and say hey you know that that argument that we had earlier that didn't really feel good and i've been thinking about it and there's a couple of things that i realized you know that you um there's this thing that you bring up all the time and it's annoying and we've already talked about this over and over again and i i don't want to hear it anymore you know it's you know it's one thing to finally have your voice finally know yourself to be able to say okay now i know i i can speak this and to be able to speak it neutrally when you're in control and you can be received well but the other secret is that don't set the boundary unless you're going to give it some teeth right because it needs to have some sort of action that you're going to take if that other person decides to cross that boundary because you get to set your boundary but they get to decide whether they're going to honor that boundary or not so if they decide that they're not going to honor it what then is what what's you're going to what's your action going to be um because they will test you

like oh she's not being for real that's just i can push the buttons and i know how to get her to you know change your mind on whatever it is and uh and there are people who will test your boundaries to see how strong they are and so to have teeth in them or you know drill them into the ground so that you don't step over them and you certainly don't allow other people to step over them but you're not uh you're not moving it for anyone or any reason because you're very clear this is what serves you well there's no doubt that the majority of the time that you set a boundary especially with someone that you know well that they're gonna that they're not gonna tell that they're gonna challenge that boundary because what they'll do is they're looking for consistency it's the same as as as disciplining your child right yeah if you tell them if you do that then you know i'm going to or you're not going to and you never follow up with it then all you've done is undermine your power in the situation and you've undermined your word and so when you've done that enough they're going to keep they're going to keep trying that thing because they're going to think oh well maybe i'll get by with it this time you know and so what happens is that when you start to change the dance stats they will play the music to see are you at yourself right now do you really mean what you say come on the music's playing are we going to dance like we did before or are you going to go into that weird dance that i don't know yet and i really don't like because it makes me feel so awkward and i was having a lot more fun getting my way with the other dance right and so and it's kind it's a bit of a hook because it's awareness it's staying conscious and showing up consistently of yes i told you this is a boundary we're not doing that yes i told you this is a boundary we're not doing that you try it again i'm telling you and once you keep showing up like that eventually they get it's just not worth it anymore right that's the teeth that we're looking for but yeah know what your reaction or your actions going to be if they don't follow up that can be one of the most complicated aspects of boundary setting it is it definitely is because uh there there are some situations where the people that are stepping over your boundaries uh you feel have a benefit in your life and it just takes a lot of energy to keep those people at bay and just say come on you know honor my boundary respect my boundaries and and constantly push at you you will get to a point where you just say it's not worth my energy anymore it's not worth it i don't want this i want to feel free i want to feel joy i want to feel peace and this is not that i've tried i've given it to my best ability uh all that i can possibly give and i'm not being honored and respected to where i need to be and and it's okay to release some of those things from our lives that's a big part of boundary setting two is you know talk about the six stages transformation is is releasing those things in our lives and it might be a toxic relationship in in where people are stepping over your boundary not respecting you there's some toxicity in that good point and so it's okay to release those relationships with love send them back out into the world so like okay uh it might be a little painful for a little while but you might be better off in the long run and learn more about yourself without having to um

express so much energy in that direction but identifying just some of the the old belief patterns that maybe we've had in the past i know uh i've had the tendency to rationalize situations and i'm you know i i'm the queen at rationalizing just everything oh i'm the optimist so that's okay it's okay for me to do that's okay this is all right just to do this for whatever reason i will rationalize and find some reason that it's okay when it's really not yeah and that's something that i am becoming aware of awareness being another superpower so i'm not rationalizing the situations to make it okay and uh tampering with my own boundaries in certain things uh so just being very clear on what you believe knowing who you are going back to what you said earlier and and then behaving in that way having the behaviors match that but also releasing the behaviors such as rationalization that don't serve you and recognize when you do that it's not serving you uh releasing some of those barriers and blocks and it's uh it does start with awareness uh going back to the last conversation we had awareness is the shift because it starts there and then uh you know boundaries

is is it's really when you release all that stuff there's a void and i know we've talked about that void that awkward feeling that's what change and transformation feels like but it's in that void that your new self that you've never even experienced yet can step into and it's just gonna allow a little time a little transition period before that new self just shows up but rest assured she will or he will and and you're gonna love yourself even more or probably for the first time yeah hey let's talk about rationalization for a minute okay well what do you want to know

i think i know one of the reasons that you're the queen of it is because you are such a ray of sunshine and you're so full of joy and peace signs and unicorns and hearts and roses that you like to be happy and like everybody else to be happy and you and it's difficult to recognize the shadow aspects of people that are showing up right oh i'm the ultimate people pleaser i am i think that's yeah that's why i showed up on this planet to add some you know sunshine and light so yeah yeah it's why i love you so much you bring out the little girl in me yeah i get to grow up so this is like our playground it is so true it is like a playground i love it but so the rationalization first of all comes from um you wanting everybody to be okay you want to be okay you want them to be okay and so you just kind of want to keep the vibe up right and sometimes calling them on their shift kind of lowers the vibe right because it brings us into an uncomfortable and uncomfortable space so i think part of the reason that sometimes the rationalization comes up is because it keeps having to it keeps us from having to have the encounter and having to sit in the difficult spaces with the clear communication to hash it out and to create the boundary of saying i don't want to have this experience anymore yeah but who suffers who suffers in the long run that person doesn't suffer or that situation it's um yeah for people like me that is uh it's self-sabotaging though and there's nothing better there's nothing better than going to bed at night and going you know what you did a good job today you kept to those boundaries you stuck to those boundaries and it is empowering and it's free and i'm sorry that others may not like it or they're still adapting but i've i know it's the best thing for me and i know that they're seeing something change in me that maybe they should be looking at themselves and that's the problem people don't like change typically that's why this this pandemic has really rocked our worlds it's like everything changed we're just like what is going on and uh and so we don't we don't adapt to change very well until now because we're look we we have no choice it's not an option anymore it is it is absolutely a necessity to learn to adapt and flow with change and uh there are a lot of people who are just stuck in their ways who are not as adaptable and changing the dance and so when you start to change that is almost like a threat to the other person saying oh yes yeah look at her wow exercising boundaries or what have you and now that means i have to change i don't want to change i know well we don't we don't evolve at the same time as as everybody else and i don't know i think it's just becoming more aware of the people in your life knowing that they're not evolving at the same pace you are and and that's all the more reason to have have boundaries for yourself as you're growing and evolving and waking up to new um a whole new level of consciousness uh or spirituality or whatever you want to call it and and somebody else might not be there but that's okay yeah yeah well look at us angel look at what covet there's been so many coveted blessings i know and i know so many people that have had covet blessings and that does not mean that i'm not cognizant of the fact that there are so many people having a hard time right there out there and there's so much struggle and there's so much unsurety and relationships a lot of relationships are ending right now they're not making it through this right and it's because there were already fractures in the relationship maybe the communication wasn't so good maybe the respect wasn't so good you know and then when you put you know being kind of um locked down with somebody that your relationship wasn't good without the coping mechanisms like we've talked and then on top of that the kids are home 24 7. and it and then maybe there's financial difficulty and and fear and oh my gosh you talk about piling on this is so fun what a great conversation as always well we hope you've uh you've enjoyed it as well so thanks for uh thanks for joining us thanks for being here thanks for being you and bringing the gifts that you bring and it's time to put them to good use and we'd love for you to join our community if you haven't already so that we can encourage one another as we're all trying to figure this stuff out and navigate through all these crazy changes and a bunch of shift that we're going through so yeah well and subscribe to our youtube channel and hit the bell if you'd like to get the videos um when they come out sometimes they come out before they even post it on facebook so that's a good thing oh and i'll post in the links i've got i'll post some of my columns links to my columns that are about boundaries and maybe that'll be helpful too definitely yeah yep in your videos and all that good stuff your sage insights for sure very helpful stuff i encourage you to go to ask alicia.com and tap into alicia's gifts i know i've certainly benefited from being in your presence so thank you this is a huge gift the feeling is so mutual and we're so glad you guys join us it makes us so happy that that we've had the response from you that we've had and and uh we look forward to seeing you guys again and hearing from you leave us a comment tell us a little something about what you like or what's your shift been like you know and what are some of your struggles and you know we'll pay attention to what's going on and maybe it'll trigger a new topic that we want to talk about right yeah oh it's so good to talk to you girlfriend another beautiful day i love you i can't wait to see you thank you yeah bye-bye all right bye everybody

oh your shirt's so cute it's like you have a um mandala yeah on your oh that's lovely i'm feeling a little wild yes okay awesome but last time in the video i was blink blink thinking like because my eyes were so dry from the allergies right and when i saw the video playback i'm like oh my god i wonder if anybody got my morse code with my secret message

butterfly kisses i've got contacts in today and i don't think that i'm as blinky i'll see when i when i play the video back but i don't think i was as blinky so i didn't notice you know i didn't notice at all i didn't notice in the last one either so it didn't quit blinking and i couldn't quit itching my nose and my ear itch it and everything else so um yeah so maybe no morris codes that's just this time with something right

i think she was flirting with me right

that was a big word

i can tell you how to spell it if you want to look it up

how do you spell it are you going to look it up no i know how to spell anti-disestablishmentarianism can too i was always the winner of the spelling bees not not like the big spelling bees that they have now back in the olden days they didn't have the big giant ones that they have now let's spell it ready oh gosh i'd have to visualize it in my head oh and and to try to do it the go ahead show off a-n-t-i-d-i

establishmentarianism so this is obviously one of your party tricks

you know what another one is

did tennis see what arkansas

idaho alaska

ohio hawaii okay maybe this like playground trick from when i was seven i know the planets in order from the sun wow you would miss universe mrs universe to you i'm sorry please apologize to marty

mr mrs universe

well i wonder how things have changed because we got robbed of one of our platters planners one of our

oh what do you mean someone stole one of our planets yeah we lost a planet they re-categorized one of them so there used to be nine planets and they went to eight and i don't know that's weird yeah well shift happens planetary juice happens too

oh planets are going through the same shift we are man yeah oh my gosh definitely they're like well you know what we set this boundary we don't need you anymore i think you're you're now going to another universe yeah we get you out of the inner circle you can go find your own universe stupid references like um i'm learning i'm learning after the last video i brought because i couldn't disengage myself before the recording and so here i am wiping my nose i'm like i have tissues

she comes prepared

see i just repeated that how often do i do that i need to stop doing that it's okay under certain circumstances to drive point homes but i'm realizing that it's a real it's like a parent i am a parent

hope i don't say any dirty words i never noticed it but then i went back and i was like you look you look like you're in a high chair compared to me i look like i'm sitting at the little kid's table cause you're

seriously look at it i feel like i'm sitting at the kid's table well i you know it's a great reading chair

i love it and whoever buys it is going to love it too because it's up for sale

if you're interested inquire below

oh my goodness gracious

i love it you are becoming a producer

and there i go repeating myself i repeat exactly what you say

maybe apparent medicine right now the sun it changed again that light was so good that's the way it's gonna be i'm gonna fade in and out of the shadows girlfriend if i get too shadowy save me a life preserver and pull me back please save you i'll shine the light on you somehow i'm not sure alicia your shadow side's showing

you've got a beautiful shadow side shadow girls embrace the shadow brace the shadow no we're not supposed to get rid of the shadow we're supposed to balance the light in the shadow it's about bringing it into awareness yes and say i see you i see you and i'm sorry you're afraid and i know you're feeling doubtful and i know you're scared and angry and just see that side of ourselves that's so true not hide from it not sweep it under the rug but know that's a part of who we are absolutely well it because the shadow when it's not acknowledged it starts to throw tantrums and it starts to act out when you say i see you you know i i see where you're hurting or you don't feel validated or unseen or whatever it calms it it wants it if it wants to know that you know that it's there yeah yeah otherwise it's just going to act out and have a big old temper tantrum yeah yeah all right

Intro
Indicators for the need for boundaries
You need a voice to set boundaries
Create a pact to practice using your voice
Awkward emotions can signal that a boundary is needed
Change the dance steps (patterns) that aren't serving you
Boundaries are a superpower that empower us
What does boundary setting require?
Why do we rationalize sometimes?
Bloopers and Outtakes