Season 9 Episode #14 Rewriting Your Story: Healing, Identity, and the Power of Storytelling with Johnzelle Anderson

In this powerful and deeply reflective episode of The Cultural Curriculum Chat Podcast™, host Jebeh Edmunds sits down with therapist, storyteller, and author Johnzelle Anderson.

Johnzelle shares the inspiration behind his debut memoir Mixtape: A Memoir—a raw and lyrical exploration of survival, identity, and healing. Growing up mixed race in 1990s Virginia, Johnzelle navigated abuse, neglect, and racism while searching for belonging in a world that often made him feel invisible.

Through storytelling, therapy, and self-discovery, he transformed pain into purpose—ultimately rewriting the narrative of his life.

Together, we unpack:

• The healing power of storytelling
• Navigating race, identity, and belonging
• Breaking generational cycles of trauma
• Mental health, resilience, and reclaiming your voice

This episode is a must-listen for educators, leaders, and anyone on a journey of healing and self-discovery.

🎧 Tune in and ask yourself: What story are you ready to rewrite?

Learn more about Johnzelle Anderson's work at: Home - Johnzelle Anderson 

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_01 0:25

Welcome back to the Culture Curriculum Chat Podcast where we explore culture, identity, and education through meaningful conversations. Today's guest is John Zell Anderson, a licensed therapist, storyteller, and author of Mixtape, a memoir. His work dives deep. I love it. Dives deep into mental health, race, relationships, and identity. And I'm so honored to have him here today. John Zell, welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Oh, thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Oh, you're welcome. Can you take us back to your early life and what shaped your identity?

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Uh, early life and the shaping of my identity. Well, I am the product of a white woman from Michigan and a uh Sierra Leonean uh man, immigrant. And um being raised in whiteness in the early 90s in Southwest Virginia. And the identity often was decided for me when, you know, the world sees a black child being uh raised by a white woman uh in the absence of the African father. So identity, you know, part of the book title Mixed Mixed Hate, it has the word mixed in it. So they called me mixed, and in the politics of like, well, you're not black enough, but you're not white, and and those sorts of things, but then identity of being uh what some would say is uh the child of a single parent or uh the absentee father thing, or you know, the intersections of like poverty, and you know, as time goes on, uh identity was also shaped by abuse and neglect, and you know uh a lot of identity was decided from outside forces. And uh, you know, of course, my my memoir is an evolution of understanding the miseducation and then unlearning and and and deciding what my identity is at a later time.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

So I love that.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

That's a concise start to it, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

I love it, yeah. And just how you shared how your identity was chosen for you, you know, and the intersectionalities of how to navigate your world and your perceptions and how people perceive you. And this is wonderful how you know that mixed tape, that mixed trope that so many biracial kids are living in. You know, I am raising two biracial children myself. My husband is Scandinavian, I'm from Liberia. And so I know I can't wait to get this copy for my sons because I know they can identify a lot of the things that you even stated, not black enough, raised by a white mother, and all of these things that a lot of our biracial children are are still grappling with. And also, I love how you shared your evolution of taking your identity into your own, not having other people identify you. You are taking that power back. So let's talk more about your mixtape memoir. Why did you choose to structure your book as tracks instead of chapters? I like how you have that creativity, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

Yeah. So I love music, and I always imagine there is like I think musically, so I've always imagined that my life is a movie and I'm making the soundtrack to it, right? So at the start of mixtape, you're gonna get some QR codes, which is the actual playlist that goes with the book. So, like I said, the the title has two meanings: mixtape as an uh a playlist made up around a theme, but then also mixed MIXT is uh the sound of mixed race. So but I wanted to tell my story, and ultimately I wanted it to be a literary version of a mixtape, and that is uh a series of sounds that resonates with the theme. And uh the theme of my story is that uh reciprocated relationships hurt because they're unsustainable. So as I'm telling my story, it's not a movie, but I'm creating the soundtrack to the story of my life that I'm telling. And the songs, the tracks are a framework, but they also uh they add that element of sound. So I wanted it to be multi-sensory. Uh and what I'll say is that the title mixtape was decided before a word was written because I was just like one day I was like, oh, mixtape. And it covers that double meaning. And I love that format to tell a story, to make it unique, but also to be very true to me as a person who loves music and and values the the medium of storytelling that is music. So I incorporated it into my own version of storytelling.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

Love that, John Zell, and even how you music is so powerful. And I can imagine when I'm reading this book, listening to the song that you chose to feel that feeling that you are conveying to us as a reader. And that I think is very powerful. Oh, multi-sensory, you had me at that. Oh, I love that. And with your journey as a licensed therapist, how has your personal journey influenced your work as a therapist?

SPEAKER_00 6:27

My experience as a human is essential to my work as a therapist. I, in my bio, I guess on like social media, I say John Zell Anderson, therapist storyteller. And I separate it by a single line in between because the transcendence of storyteller into being a therapist and the therapist into the storyteller. But make no mistake, I don't write like a therapist. Okay. It's not clinical. It's I'm a human. And just like I'm a therapist, I'm not a blank slate therapist, I'm not a how does that make you feel? Well, the research says this. I, you know, I'm humorous, I use uh jokes, I cuss, I, you know, bring in music references and pop culture and give book recommendations. Like, but my my experiences as a human, and I I use the element of you know, clinical self-disclosure. Like I I'll I'll share anecdotes about my own life with clients as they are relevant to give them perspective. I also just use storytelling perspectives of things I've observed throughout life to support a client. I also am a bibliotherapist, so I I will recommend and or read books with clients as part of their therapeutic work. So I really do believe that storytelling is essential to healing. And we're all stories. We're all whether it's through music, whether it's through social media, whether it's through books, whether it's through just our friendships, everything is a series of stories. So in connection. So yeah, they're very intertwined. And I found also a way with what I've experienced as a human. It's not so much a like uh, oh, these bad things happened and he overcame it, and this is how. Like there are books like that. That's not how I wrote my book. I wanted it to be a journey of becoming, I wanted it to show people what happens to a person whose identity is kind of decided for them by bad actors, and but then also recognizing the miseducation, which is a nod to the miseducation of Lauren Hill, by the way. Yes, yes, unlearning, unlearning, and you know, shedding the stuff that doesn't fit anymore, and really getting to the end, which is not the end of the journey, but getting to a place of cultivating peace and joy and freedom and continuing to support other people on their journey.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

So I love that, and I love how you take the clinical, theoretical things out of it and more the human side of it because we are living in this human experience. Yeah. And no human experience is, you know, peaceful all the time. There's always going to be things that will test you and make you, how you say, stand up into your own power and your own enjoy in your terms. I love that. So, what does rewriting your story actually look like in real life? So, when somebody reads your book and they feel inspired to think of their own miseducation of how people perceive themselves, what does that rewriting their story actually look like in real life?

SPEAKER_00 9:54

Rewriting your story is not to be confused with revisionist history. Um what happened happened. However, I think of it as something goes awry. And things are left behind when something goes awry, whether that be abuse, neglect, adversity, you name it. Finding something useful to uh heal, to uh uh make humor, to create. And and that's not to be confused with the trope of everything happens for a reason, because see you've been abused.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

I'm not gonna say, oh, but something was left behind that helped me become this. I'm not thanking those who did, because when people harm you, they don't have that outcome in in mind for you. So I don't like the statement everything happens for a reason, or I don't even stand on the whole thing that people cop out and they say, Oh, well, they did the best they could. No, they didn't. Because if they did the best they could, then I wouldn't be harmed. People wouldn't be harmed, right? And and I I also don't give uh reward points for avoidance of accountability. So, and it's not to be confused with this is a revenge tour either. My good friend and memoirist, Acamia Deadweiler, Deadweiler, she wrote a book called Daddy's Little Stranger. She she told me early on in my journey of writing my memoir, she said, Don't go on a revenge tour. So I tell these stories not as a revenge tour, not as a gotcha, not as who these people are really going to read this and feel. I wrote it as if the people who are mentioned will never read this. And because it's not about what they did or getting back, it's about telling the story, and then the reader can make their own conclusions. You tell, you show, but you don't tell.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

And and then the it's it's the reader who gets the experience out of it. They get the meaning from it. I don't have to tell the reader what meaning to draw from something. Exactly. And and yeah, it's it's quite a journey so far.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

Yeah, that's amazing. And it like you said, it's not about them. This is about you and your experience and how you have come to it on the other side. And that is what's important. I love that. And I also love that advice that it's not a revenge tour, it's not a gotcha, or wait till you read chapter or track six, you know, like here's your diss track. It's like, no, it's not what it's about. But it you will, you'll, you'll understand. I love like the Easter eggs that you have embedded in it. So you can make the conclusions yourself as a reader, but also it doesn't take away from what your purpose is of your own becoming. Is that what I'm putting up? What you're putting down? Is it yes? Yeah, okay, good. I want to make sure. Oh, I love that. About how you take what you have experienced and putting it out in the world for people to understand and to relate. I know a lot of people will be able to relate to your story. Let's talk more about identity and belonging. So, what advice would you give to people struggling with belonging?

SPEAKER_00 14:47

Something that I continue to lean into the older I get is that humans we're wired for connection. And connection means love like an understanding. And it travels in three directions. We have the ability to give love-like and understanding. We have the desire to receive love-like and understanding, and then internally we ought to love like and understand ourselves. If one of those directions gets messed up, we're gonna have problems. And you can kind of go with that. So, what I would say to someone struggling with their identity is first of all, know that you're worthy of connection, you're worthy of love, like, and understanding. That's not to be confused with you're entitled. Entitled means you could just tell someone you need to love like and understand me. No, they don't. But you're worthy of it, meaning you are wired for that. So if you're feeling disengaged or you're feeling isolated, or you're feeling uh uh like you're not connected, encouragement is that you're worthy of it. Worthy means you don't have to earn it, it's it's in your nature. Like we're worthy of safety, we're worthy of food and water and access to healthcare and you know safety. Like those we're worthy of that. We don't have to earn that, right? Or we shouldn't have to earn that. Um so you're worthy of connection, and and like I said earlier, the the theme of this book, you're gonna see John Zell from a young age to early 30s go through a series of unreciprocated relationships. This is I came to understanding what I was worthy of by writing the story, but also living through these things, right? And what you'll see is a person trying to engage with unreciprocated relationships where he's trying harder than the others are, where he's giving more than they're giving back. And and where does that end? And then getting to the point where it's like, no, I'm worthy of if I give love, like, and understanding to be met with reciprocity. I'm worthy of love, liking, and understanding myself. That the harm that was done to me uh trained me to dislike myself, to to internally hate myself, right? So unburdening myself from those things. So anyone struggling, know you're worthy of connection. And also unreciprocated relationships will hurt you because they're always unsustainable. Wow, in the dem balance, it's unsustainable.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Oh, I love that. Love that. And okay, I just so I could talk to you all day, Johnzo. This is so good. You're given such good advice. You've read you read a hundred books a year. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

A hundred plus.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

Yes. What are the two books that changed your life?

SPEAKER_00 17:58

That is a difficult question.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

I know it's hard to pick. I love to read, but wow, that's a lot. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Okay, let me go recently biased. Okay, let's see. Uh because I've read so many. Um this year, I have read uh Burndown Master's House by Clay Kane three times already.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

Really? I was intrigued. It's on my list to read.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

Yeah, it's so good.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

And and the book came out in February. So the fact that I've read it three times already is telling you how good it is. I don't think I've ever read a book three times in a row or three times that close together, because obviously I was reading other books too. So that one's one, and let's go thing change my life. Yeah. I mean, in Mixtape and Memoir, I talk about let's go back. So in Mixtape Memoir, I talk about how the story of Matilda by Roll Dahl uh as a child made me feel understood because obviously I was going through like abuse and neglect, and I was seeing a child who was abused and neglect, but she's bookish, she had her library card, so um and and knowing she wasn't alone when she had books. So I'll say that that's another one. Now it was such a difficult question you just asked me.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

I know I got you. I got you.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

You if if you want to know my thoughts on books, follow me on Instagram because uh I I do book reviews on there just for fun.

SPEAKER_01 19:36

So oh, I love it, love it. And you had me at Matilda because that was so true. And she also was worthy of love, like in understanding from her teacher who saw her and validated that she was worthy of that. So, yes, oh I love that. So, what does home mean to you today, my friend?

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Oh, that's a great question. Okay, so home. It is evolving for me because I got separated last year after a nine-year relationship. I did a few months of grief, you know. My child is she's with me 60% of the time. She's with her mother, uh, the other 40% of the time. I kept the house. So I have a house, right? Which is what I had established to be my sanctuary, my safe place, whatever. But home is post my separation, I have realized the richness of some friendships that were more surface level have deepened. Some friendships that I thought were deeper have fallen off. And I'll say that I feel really locked in and fulfilled by my friendships more than I've ever, I think, been at in my life, which a younger version of John Zell wanted. He wanted friendships, he wanted solid relationships. And home is also, you know, the bond that I have with my daughter. She's six years old. Our relationship has gotten even better post-separation. Like it's more peaceful because there's not conflict in the home. And on top of that, home is traveling. Home is going to, say, places like West Africa. Home is putting myself out there. I'm an introvert, but I'm promoting a book, which is very a very social thing to do. Home is also like I started dating again, and I've been in a relationship for a couple of months now and experiencing reciprocity and all of the things that basically the things that were neglected towards me in my marriage are I I asked for that. I said, this is my expectation. These are my boundaries based off of, you know, kind of that example I gave of, okay, something happens. What tools can I get from it? And the tools that I got from that that relationship ending was, okay, this was neglected. This is what uh caused me harm. And I kind of took that as a when I got out here dating, I said, this is what I'm worthy of. I didn't say this is what I want, this is what I need, this is what I'm worthy of. And so home is living, home is my connection with my daughter, the role as a father, the role as a therapist in the middle of whatever this country is doing, the role as a storyteller, telling stories about race and adversity, home is community, home is um, you know, I'm bisexual, so uh being uh living in my identity and and and gravitating towards other people that want to be seen and and heard and understood. So home is more vast than my physical dwelling that I live in. So home is in a book too. Home is in music to go on. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

They love this, John Zell. Yes, yes. And it's not just a dwelling. Oh, that is amazing, amazing. And you talk really briefly about you know your trip to West Africa. How did your trip to Ghana impact your understanding? Understanding you shared with it in understanding of home, but of identity, identity as well.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

So I've now been three times. Uh I've been to Ghana three times and I went to Sierra Leone once, which this last uh so in the book I talk about my first trip to Ghana. And I chose Ghana not because that's where my father is from, because my father is Sierra Leonean, but I chose Ghana because it was my own fresh start on the continent. And because I didn't have a direct path through my father other than knowing where he was from, I wanted to do it on my own terms. But when I got to Ghana, I realized as it was happening, what I was there for and what it was going to show me. I was able to tap in with my uh West African ancestors. I stood in the slave castles. I I felt that spirit of my black ancestors. And Senkofa was a word that I learned from the Adincra symbols, which means to go back and get it. And I was experiencing Senko while I learned about Senkofa, right? And so I felt at home the second I got off the plane, and that hot, you know, sub-Saharan dry heat smacked me in the face, right? Yeah. And I was like, this is it the food, the culture, the smells, the joy, the colors. And then the last time I went post-separation, this was in December, I decided to take my daughter with me. And it was her first time to the continent. So we went to Sierra Leone for four days and then we went back to Ghana. So my daughter turned six years old in Sierra Leone, the place where my father immigrated from. So even though he wasn't that involved and he didn't give me a connection to my roots, I was able to establish them on my own terms through my travels to Ghana. But also in bringing my own daughter to the place. She stood with me in the slave castles off the coast of Freetown. Like, and and she had a birthday in the place where it all started. So she gets to have a more direct line to her roots. She doesn't have to wonder. And so Ghana, uh Sierra Leale, West Africa, those three trips that I took continue to teach me things. I'm working on a second memoir. It's going to be in verse. So I want to write it in a I want to do some poetry with it. It's going to be called Hafrican, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

Ooh, I love that. You'll have to come back when it when it publishes. I would love to have you back on. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

Yes, but that my travels to Africa, I barely scratched the surface at the end of the screen. So um hey, there's there's more to say about it, but it it means a lot to connect because being raised in whiteness, especially with my first racists being my white caregivers, my black African identity was suppressed and demonized. So part of unlearning and healing was leaning into what I was conditioned to fear. And that it is it transcends because I am now tasked with teaching my daughter, though she's fair skin, she's still a black girl because she has me in her, right? So teaching her her identity as a young black girl and her identity as an African American, right? And by me doing the understanding and the healing work, she can also do the same thing in uh uh an easier way. So yeah, those trips meant a lot to me.

SPEAKER_01 27:21

And so powerful how you close the loop of that circle of how your dad came and your daughter is right there. So there, like you said, there's no question of really standing on the ground of where her ancestors came from and to be there. Oh, and I tell you, once you leave Africa, it stays, it comes with you. You never it that bond is never broken, it's always with you no matter what. So that's just oh John Zell, this has been such a powerful conversation. I mean, I've enjoyed it so much. Getting to know you, I'm definitely getting your book. And where can our listeners connect with you more and grab your book? Because I need some more of these racks. If you're reading a hundred plus books a year, I need some racks. So where can we grab your book first and foremost? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Okay, so here is the cover, y'all. This is mixed tape, a memoir by Johnzell Anderson. You can find it at johnzell.co. My name is spelled J-O-H-N-Z-B like zebra e-l-l-e.co. On that website, you will see all of the links. It's available on Amazon, BarnesandNoble, bookshop.org. There's also a link there if you want a sign copy. It is also available in an audiobook, which is narrow rated by yours truly. And the links to the places where you can get the audiobooks are available all at johnzell.co. Uh, but again, you could also just search up the title of the book, and wherever you buy books online, it's widely distributed. For to follow me on Instagram, my handle is John Zell, same spelling, J-O-H-N-Z like zebra, E-L-L-E, underscore. So I uh go on there, I share a cute pictures of my daughter and the books that I'm reading her. I primarily read books by and about black people. So that transcends to be uh the children's books that I choose from my daughter, the books that I read, and I like to give reviews on Instagram for fun. And I also have been able to connect with a lot of black storytellers that way as well. So if you want to see what I'm reading and what I'm recommending, definitely follow me there. But also, you can keep up with what I'm doing creatively as well and what's going on in my life. So Johnzell underscore on Instagram and johnzell.co to get the book. And thank you in advance for supporting Black Disney.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

I love that. Oh my gosh, I cannot wait. And I would love to have you, you know, you know, review and read my book. So that's coming your way, my dear.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

So yeah, send me send me the link and I'll check it out.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

I got you. I got you. Yeah. Well, thank you. Thank you, John Zell, for coming on the Culture Curriculum Chat podcast. And listeners, if this conversation resonated with you, make sure that you subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. Thank you all for listening, and I will see you here same time next week. Bye bye.