Taboo | Sex: God's Amazing Design (1 Corinthians 6)

We’re going to talk about sex! But it’s not going to be a shameful, embarrassing conversation. God loves sex. He created it and designed it for our enjoyment. He loves it when we enjoy sex the way he designed it. But good sex takes work. It’s not quite as movies and TV and porn represent it. Sex is a beautiful gift from God that can bring amazing blessings, but its power can also bring harm and pain when misused. Let’s learn about God’s beautiful gift of sex!

Transcript

If you came here as a parent today thinking this would be your way of avoiding the “birds and the bees” talk by me covering that territory, I’m sorry to disappoint you but that’s not happening! But if you need resources or would like to chat about how to approach talking about sex with your kids, I’d love to set up a time! It’s surprising…the awkwardness that has long surrounded talking about sex in church. Surprising because the Bible isn’t awkward about it. There are over 100 passages that speak directly about it. This tells us something. God wants us to know his design for sex. If he made sure to use so much ink, it would be a good idea to listen, right? That being said, we are peering into some deep waters today. Waters that we may not always like to see our reflection in. As you see your face staring back at you, do you see “porn addict” written across your forehead, a sin, as all sins do, trying to define you, trying to master you? Or maybe your forehead reads “betrayed,” those trembling thoughts that come in like a random unscheduled tide, identification words like “damaged goods,” that affect even how you text. Or maybe you see “homosexual” painted there, reminding you of the desires you never wanted to have, but desires that affect so much of how you look at your life. Is it any wonder why we as a culture have long lived confused on a topic that’s far deeper than we realize, a topic that is so near our souls we long for its true meaning to be known?

So much of that confusion stems from the culture we live in, a culture that author Pamela Paul coined a “pornified culture.” She writes, “It is easier to get pornography than to avoid it. We have protected the rights of those who wish to live in a pornified culture while altogether ignoring the interests of those who do not.” Building on that, there was an extensive published in a 2018 Journal of Behavioral Addictions peer-reviewed article that showed the extent of Paul’s point.
It’s estimated that 71% of American men view porn weekly, and now about 30% of women are too, a number that has grown dramatically in recent years. Does that surprise you? If our culture is telling women this is what men are looking for, doesn’t it break our hearts that this is now the education women are receiving? 81% of women have faced sexual harassment or abuse in their lives, 57% before the age of 17. 20% of married men have been unfaithful to their wives.
And often boys are first exposed to porn between 7 and 9 years old, and more and more men are sharing the abuse they faced as children. This just isn’t okay.

These numbers aren’t just statistics. They represent real people, real pain, and real spiritual battles. Sadly, the Church has often stayed on the sidelines of the conversation because of potential awkwardness and uncomfortability. The stats reflect the sad stories I’ve seen so many times, the story of a young Christian man who turns to self-harm because he’s ashamed of his porn addiction. The marvelous woman of faith whose vulnerability was shattered and trust severed by a one-sentence confession of her husband. The man battling homosexuality who lives apart from other Christians even if he’s in the same physical space. The thought, “If only they knew, they would never talk to me again,” so often invades his mind. Why do these sexual wounds affect us so? Because there’s an identity connection here. Sex does reach into your very soul, and God purposed it so. Why? God’s design for sexuality was crafted by him alone for us to enjoy real satisfaction, connection, and trust. God’s design is not defined merely by “thou shalt nots.” It’s “Thou shalt not BECAUSE I have something so much better.” God’s vision for sexuality will bend your brain in its wonder. His design revolves around the grandest love story ever told, one he’s placed you in too, a story of thrilling adventure, the slaying of a dragon, the rescuing of a bride, and a never-ending wedding celebration. I’m so excited to share the real story of sex, the most compelling vision for sexuality because sex was all God’s idea. 

Let me say that again. Sex is God’s idea, not our idea. Sex was not designed to be a theme park of pleasure revolving around self. I call our culture’s philosophy of sex “Celebration Selfy.” As a kid, we used to go to a theme park called Celebration City in Missouri, and I think this metaphor works, call me out if it doesn't! But when you go to Celebration Selfy, you will find several attractions available to you for maximum dopamine and endorphin activation. You have the attractions of porn which offer you constant access, AI that you can make your perfect partner, and never any “no’s. But behind the curtain is aloneness, disconnect, no human connection, and shame. The attraction of “swipe left” on mobile apps turning people into a market for you to choose from, to hook up with “no strings attached” but there always are. The attraction of living together before marriage to test compatibility, which study after study has shown doesn’t increase trust between people. All these attractions reveal the core sin we so often struggle with in our sexuality, did you catch it when we read from 1 Corinthians 6? “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything. You say, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.” The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” Sex has become nothing but self-satisfaction: What’s satisfying to you? How can I be served? But it falls so far short of the joy God wants for you to have sexually. The joy of being completely naked physically, emotionally, and spiritually with the one person who is committed to you exclusively for life, to feel no shame, to long for nothing but to put the other first, but so often in our sinful self’s motives we still end up naked, but exposed, undone, and used. But here’s where God’s grace meets us. He begins by telling us what we always need to hear “You are not your own.”

Don’t these verses hit you in the heart? “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” Sex is not copyrighted by you and nor is your body or your sexuality, and when you release your desire for control in this you’ll not only see why God has placed boundaries around sex, but you will appreciate them more and more. I really like how Pastor Mike Novotny compares sex to fire. Fire can be so amazing! It can grill and smoke delicious food. It can provide warmth on a cool night outside a tent. Fire used within proper boundaries is incredible, but fire working outside boundary burns and burns. We’ve all seen the damage in California. Sex is fiery like that too, and thanks be to God that he has taught us how to enjoy it to the full! It starts by realizing it’s not ours to design. It’s not about exploring our sexuality, but seeking the Lord’s will for us. That God places boundaries not to make sexuality more difficult for you, but for you most of all to see yourself as He sees you. And how does he view you? You find it in one gospel-charged, forgiveness-bringing, hope-restoring verse, “You were bought at a price.”

Jesus gave his body for you. He bled to make you his own. The gospel is the greatest love story ever. It’s no rom-com, no Hallmark-lite sentimentality, it’s a story of battle, beauty, blood, and bravery. The most masculine man this world will ever know, our self-sacrificing Savior, entering into the battlefield of humanity’s war with sin and evil, racing to save his bride, the Church, but to do so he’d have to give up himself, shed his innocent blood, only to shatter the grave, and carry his bride home to experience harmony, wholeness, and joy truly experienced, total vulnerability, total trust, totally home. The intimacy Jesus shares with us in his story, his deepest agonies, his most profound joys, the Word gives us the portal into his heart, so we can know his love that is so much deeper, so much grander than we could dare imagine. Sex is designed to be a foretaste and reminder of this story that has rescued you and me. To stand physically, emotionally, and spiritually naked before your wife, before your husband, bodies designed even biologically for oneness and unity to be one in every way, to look into the eyes of the person who loves you more than anyone on the planet, and yet loves Jesus even more. To get a glimpse of the forever adventure ahead, the transcendent love of heaven. It’s what the Word has always pointed to. After all, the Bible began with a wedding and so also it ends with a wedding, but this is the wedding feast of the Lamb, where every struggle, every shade of shame, every bit of guilt, and every addiction fades out of memory, every wound of betrayal healed never to return, where every desire you have will be to see Jesus’ face, and you always will. Heaven stands as the eternal satisfaction of your deepest longings, and it’s already yours now, dear Christian. Don’t doubt it for a second!

But I can almost anticipate that you may have some objections like, “But Pastor I’m single. I have these urges so what do I do?” By following God’s design, you are honoring Jesus, you’re loving him. Those urges are actually ways that you can rejoice that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in your very heart. By grace and through faith to turn those urges away from temptation to praising God, and he satisfies us, and instead of doubting his design, marveling at it, and confessing our sins to other Christians to hear the forgiveness we have in Jesus. But then the natural objection comes, “But pastor that isn’t fair! If God has made me a sexual being, but there’s no way to receive that (I’m not married), what am I to do?” Again when you face those questions you must recognize every thought of doubt and mistrust of God’s goodness is certainly not coming from Him, but from Satan and our sinful nature, the traitor within who wants us to listen to a pathetic loser, deceiver, and shame-bringer like the ancient, but utterly defeated dragon. 

So how do we respond to a sexually-confused culture? How do we respond to our longing hearts? By reminding ourselves more and more of the gospel’s realness. It is real, all of it, not just a story, but the reality. Jesus isn’t just a part of your life. He is your life. What if we built this into our spiritual armor so that when the arrows of temptation come, we imagine this deeply real scene? When you face temptation, see Jesus sitting beside you in your mind’s eye. Can you hear him asking you, “Who are you? Who do you belong to? Who are you doing this for? What are you saying no to to say yes to who is far better?” The answer all ends with Jesus. He’s saying to you, “It’s all for me. You belong to me. I bought you with my own blood to give you a life beyond what you’ve ever dreamed of. Place your trust in me, you know I will never lie to you, never will, and I’m with you, shame has been banished from your life because I placed it on myself.”

It’s this gospel truth that spurs us to speak highly of sex! Our culture needs to hear this view so desperately! How much our loved ones, especially the children entrusted by God to our care, need to hear the marvelous beauty and wisdom here! Most of all the story of Jesus, the gospel story sex reflects! To tell them simply, “You’re not missing out, you’re looking ahead, not to be mastered by the moment, but freed by grace for the future.” To share with them and those whom God places before us in conversation God’s marvelous concept of sexuality, how God planned through such love for life to happen, for families to be built, for the deepest of human love to be known. Sex is not just about an urge, an appetite, or desire. Sex reflects the love uniquely belonging to God. The joy of total vulnerability between a husband and wife committed to faithfulness not just with each other but pointing one another to Jesus in everything. It takes a LOT of work, but it’s so worth it. To get to taste the love God has for us, to be fully known, fully loved, and fully together.

So where does this leave us? I’m guessing some of you are experiencing some strong emotions after we’ve shared this conversation in the Word. I get it. Sexuality and identity have a strong connection, and it seems almost right to take things personally. But your sexuality is not your identity. Your past sexual sins do not define you. Your present struggle is not the end of you. Because dear child of God, remember who’s given you your identity. And how does your Father in heaven consider you? Here’s how: “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed (like Miley and Jordan in the waters of baptism), you were sanctified (set apart for God’s purpose), you were justified (guilt and shame taken away) in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” Shame has no claim on you. Jesus does. And He will never let you go. And because we belong to him, mind, soul, and body, we rejoice in God’s design for sex, we marvel at his wisdom, and we look ahead to the wedding feast of heaven that will ever end, where healing and wholeness will be entirely ours. Amen.