MVP: Want to be mentally stronger? Consider doing these 10 things!

Today's not just about looking back; it's about propelling forward, armed with ten actionable tips to strengthen your mental resilience. Explore the transformative shift from identifying solely with our jobs and ranks to recognizing the essence of our true selves. I'll guide you through the process of aligning your thoughts with your aspirations, highlighting how a powerful mindset can shape our emotions and pave the way for intentional actions that resonate with the life you yearn for.

In our quest for personal growth, this episode serves as your compass, pointing you towards the path of building mental strength and embracing change. You'll learn the art of self-acceptance, the courage to let go of the past, and the joy in celebrating not only our victories but those of others as well. 

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey, sis, welcome to Beyond the Military Podcast, where faith-led military women overcome burnout and create more balance. Just imagine having enough time to focus on your faith, family and have more fun also serving as a woman leader. In this podcast, you will walk away with the tools to help you navigate the busy life of a military woman, organize your mind, overcome overwhelm and create a privatization playbook and balance blueprint for integrating faith, family and career. Yes, sis, in that order. Hi, I'm Wendy Ray, woman of God, wife, mama of two, army veteran and certified life coach, and I'm here to help you create a life of meaning outside of the military, a life of laughter, joy and intentional free time. If you are ready to overcome burnout and create balance as a faith-led military woman, sis, this podcast is for you. So loosen up your laces and grab your coffee, because it's time to step into freedom and peace.

Speaker 1: 0:56

Hello, ladies, and welcome to episode number 50. I am so happy that you are here and I am so excited for today's episode because you all, it's the 50th episode and, honestly, we've been together now for 50 episodes. So I want to thank you and I'm just so happy that you have tuned into this episode, probably even for the first time and if it is welcome, but if you've been tuning in and hanging in with me for the last 50 episodes, again thank you. And I just want to give you a shout out and I just want to applaud you for also taking the time to consider taking in this information and possibly even using it in your everyday lives now, possibly even implementing, possibly even taking me up on the offer of taking notes, the offer of taking a moment to consider the questions that I've been giving you, or even the tips. So, again, applaud yourself, give yourself high five, give yourself a wink, whatever you need to do to just show yourself some love and appreciation for the growth that you are not only aiming for but also even possibly going through. So, yes, lady, you got this. Keep it going, and I just pray that today's episode also is going to only help you, but encourage you to continue to focus on who you are versus what you do.

Speaker 1: 2:16

And if you listened to last week's episode, I did talk about this as well focusing on who you're becoming versus the actual go itself. So if you have a listen or tune in to last week's episode, I highly recommend that you do, and that is episode 49, the episode right before this one. But in regard to focusing on what you do versus who you are, is crucial, because having that foundation and identifying that who you are is completely different from what you do, meaning like, what you do currently in your job, your role in a relationship, your role at home as a woman, as a wife, is completely different from who you are. So I want to make that really clear in this episode and also give you the 10 things that will help you to get mentally stronger, because that's how not only is going to allow us to focus more on who we are, so that ultimately, will determine what you will do. And again, if you've been listening to the episodes and know the coaching model that I use, understand that our actions are fueled by how we feel and our feelings are created by what we think about that circumstance or about that situation and, ultimately, the results that we create, or the outcomes that we create, are created from the actions that we take, right? So it all begins in our minds and our thinking. And again, if you've been following me, if you've been listening to these episodes, you know that I am big when it comes to really understanding how are my works, understanding how we can manage our unmanaged brain, how we can retrain our brain, how we can require our our thinking, create different neural pathways. Because when we have this understanding of our mind works and really understand that our thoughts creator feelings and feelings driver actions and actions creator results, then we can really understand where we're going, we can be more intentional and we can be more cautious when we have these thoughts that come up most of the time randomly, right, because we have so many thoughts that are coming in about different situations at different times and different moments.

Speaker 1: 4:35

So it's imperative that we learn how our mind works first and how we can not only take inventory of what we're thinking but also Learn to decipher, learn to filter the thoughts that are going to serve us. The thoughts are going to help us because If you are feeling a negative emotion, most of the time you won't take the right action that you are looking to take right. You won't take that that action is going to help you move forward or take progress. Instead, you're possibly going to feel stuck, you're going to procrastinate, you're going to waste time, you're going to do the things that Are going to give you that false pleasure that you need that instant dopamine hit that you need. That is possibly, again, a false pleasure, that you didn't even think or consider of doing it intentionally, but because of your you having a human brain and I don't understand how your mind works, and All of that goes out the window. And now, here you are again back at square one.

Speaker 1: 5:44

So, focusing on your mind and this is why I wanted to talk about this now, before we start Into the new year and closing out this year and really understanding how you can Get yourself mentally stronger, how you can become mentally stronger, what's going to help you and I wanted to begin with focusing on who you are. Right like that's the focus that we want to continue to have, because what you do and the actions that you take are completely separate from the person that you are. You are not your job, you are not your rank, you are not your position, you are not your role at home or in any relationship, you are not your circumstances. Most importantly, that do I that you got that divorce that you just got is not who you are, and this is another thing that I want to emphasize. You could have the most terrible job, the most terrible position and still show up as a terrific, amazing human being, and a situation can be one way and you can still show up in a completely different way, because if a situation is not how you prefer, you still get to show up as yourself, exactly as you'd like to.

Speaker 1: 7:00

And I know some of you may be thinking well, if I'm a drill sergeant, I can't show up as myself. Of course, you're going to show up with a different demeanor, right, you're going to show up In a different way, but you can still show up with your same values that you portray. That's what I mean the values, the beliefs that you have. Right, you don't have to pretend to be this mean person or this strict person. If that's not who you are, you don't have to do that. And I think that when you can uncover that and you can be honest with yourself and just be you, you could still be a drill sergeant, but you don't have to pretend to be this other person or to be this you know, mean no feelings person. I mean, yes, there's a time for that, but you don't have to be that the whole time. And you don't have to pretend to be that at home either, because I think that that's where we get our our mind, trick us right because we're a drill sergeant at work or we're a drill sergeant. We have to be that at home as well, and I'm just giving you a drastic example here.

Speaker 1: 7:59

But being an NCO or being an officer, being a leader, doesn't have to be who you are all the time. That is just your position, that is just your job, and it doesn't define who you truly are. Right, because, again, who you are is based on your values, based on your beliefs, based on your character and being able to be okay with expressing yourself, being okay with allowing yourself to know who you are. Underneath that uniform, underneath the rank, the position, the job itself is honestly the most powerful thing you could do for yourself, because now you aren't result focused, meaning you're just focused on doing, doing, doing. Instead, you are now focused on your mind, you're focused on the values, your beliefs, who you are, beneath all of that. And the reason I also wanted to talk about this now is because in my next episode I'll be talking about transitioning, not only during the holidays, but just transitioning as a whole, because when I was transitioning, I was transitioning during the holidays, so I actually didn't get the time to really identify or define who I was until after the holidays, and that was even harder for me because I felt alone.

Speaker 1: 9:29

And I think that this is something that we need to talk about, because we don't talk about who we are and how that is going to determine what we want to do after the military. Instead, we focus on what we did in the military and how we can use that to continue to do it in the civilian sector, which, by the way, does not work, because most of the time, you don't like the job that you're doing in the military or it's completely different in the civilian sector, which, again, I'm going to talk about it even more in the next episode. But it's important that we understand who we are and how we can mentally be stronger and prepare ourselves, because if being mentally stronger is something we want to be, then there's things that we have to consider, there's things that we need to practice, there's things that we need to start doing now so that we can now be mind focused instead of results focused, because, again, ultimately, who we are will determine what we do, and by that I mean if you know exactly who you are at least 95% of the time, if you know, at least 95%, who you are as an individual and where you want to go, then you will be determined to do the things that will get you there, instead of doing it from a place of stress and anxiety because you haven't explored that yet. So I want to offer you 10 things that will help you get mentally strong, because I think that that is the initial phase right, because, yes, we do consider ourselves mentally strong. We are, but this is mainly when we're in the service. When we are out of the service, we kind of get anxious, we get into a phase of am I really capable of doing the things that I was able to do in the military, out in the civilian sector, or as a civilian, or just as a retiree, whatever it may be, or the position that you're going into right, a project manager, a contractor, whatever it may be. So I want to offer you kind of like a starting point to help you get mentally stronger, because the better we can understand and prepare ourselves mentally, the better off we're going to be. So here are the 10 things.

Speaker 1: 11:49

Number one stop feeling sorry for yourself. Don't feel sorry for yourself anymore, whatever you've gone through, whatever mistakes you've made, whatever things you've done in the military or as an individual, in your relationships as a parent, as a leader. Just stop feeling sorry for yourself. Number two take responsibility for your feelings and your actions. Taking responsibility for your feelings is super powerful, which, by the way, you have to go listen to the episode on emotional responsibility, and that is episode 19, where you will learn how to take emotional responsibility, which, again, is taking responsibility of your feelings and the actions, because, remember, how you feel determines the actions that you take. So go tune into that episode again. Number 19.

Speaker 1: 12:45

And number three embrace change. We know, we've heard all the time we are constantly changing. We're constantly moving, we're constantly open and being resilient to change, but seriously, I mean change also in your personal lives, like when things happen, when things come out of nowhere. Embrace the change because it's going to help you, it's going to allow yourself to consider other options and give you that space to consider possibly the impossible right. So embrace it and be okay with it, even though I know we all go through change all the time, especially in the military but this time embracing it in a way where you are being okay with it instead of fighting it. Fighting reality, because we never win.

Speaker 1: 13:41

Number four focus on what you can control, and that is your mind. Focus only on what you can control. You can't control your commander. You can't control your first sergeant. You can't control your other soldiers, other people around you, your husband, your kids. Focus on your mind. Number five please yourself and like yourself, and this is what I mean about that. Stop people pleasing. Stop focusing on what you think others need from you or what you think others expect of you. Just stop it and just allow yourself to like who you are as an individual, as a woman, as a mother, as a wife, as a leader. Be okay with that. You are who you are for a reason. God created you so uniquely for a reason. So just be able to please yourself and love yourself.

Speaker 1: 14:45

Number six take calculated risks. What I mean by that is be intentional. Yes, if you need to take a risk, if you need to go to the promotion board early, if you need to go to this training, take it. If that's something that's going to help you mentally, and not only in your career but possibly even with your family, take it. If you are possibly thinking about getting married, I mean, be intentional with it. It's a risk. We all know that right. But if it's there, it's there for a reason. The opportunity is there, the door is open. Take it, be intentional about it.

Speaker 1: 15:19

Number seven release the past and learn from your mistakes. Release the past and learn from your mistakes Is that simple, right? But this is the thing Most of you will hold on to, that DUI that you got, or most of you will hold on to that divorce. Most of you will hold on to the things that you could have done when you were 17. And now you're 27. Let it go.

Speaker 1: 15:43

Number eight celebrate other success. Stop wasting time on being jealous in which, by the way, I have an episode on jealousy as well. So stay tuned. I'll probably will be a, I'll be out next year, but Be okay with celebrating your brother and sister. Be okay with celebrating others around you. Trust me, there's enough to go out there for everyone, and what is out there for somebody else may not be for you. Some people get promoted Very quickly and it's completely okay. You may not be on it on that same road, on the same journey, but if you're putting in the work, you shouldn't be worried about nobody else's Achievements besides your own. So celebrate them, celebrate yourself. Celebrate other other successes.

Speaker 1: 16:34

Number nine commit to achieving the long-term Results. I get it. We are all in this Generation of just what's the word? Convenience? That's the word. We are so used to everything being readily available and so Easy now, so like at your fingertips, that we sometimes forget that there will be a long-term result. And when we commit to something, it means that we're all in. It means that, regardless of the obstacles, the the failures that we encounter, we're gonna continue to Focus on achieving that long-term result. That's what it means.

Speaker 1: 17:23

And here's the last one spend time alone. When you can spend time alone now, in this moment, it will help you. When you are actually alone, when you are Actually alone, when you are out there in the field, when you're deployed, when you are Transitioning, because all these thoughts that are coming up now Will continue to come up, regardless of how you try to resist it, how you try to um distract yourself away from actually thinking those thoughts, they will continue to come up. That's how our brain is wired. Our brain is going to continue to remind us of how terrible we are, how we should be further along, how we make terrible decisions. I mean all these things, all these negative thoughts are going to come up. That's just the way our brain works because, again, our brain is trying to protect us. We're trying to not be in survival mode, so our brain wants us to do that ahead of time. But most of us go into anxiety, we go into overwhelm, we go into frustration.

Speaker 1: 18:29

So spending time alone now, in this moment, is very important for you to not only help you get mentally strong, but help you determine who you are as well. And here's another thing. Here's what I mean about being alone. I don't mean just being alone with the TV on, being alone with some music or listening to a podcast. I mean genuinely being alone with your thoughts. And if you have to write them down, even better. If you have to be able to talk to yourself while this is happening and really filter what's true and what's not, and what's going to serve you and what's not. By all means do so. But that's what I mean about being alone alone with your thoughts. And there you have it. Those are the 10 things that will help you not only start focusing on getting mentally stronger, but also giving you a starting point to help you get on track on focusing on your mind and focusing on who you are versus what you do, and you know, focusing on your job or focusing on who you are because of your job, that's not it. What you do and the actions that you take are separate from who you are.

Speaker 1: 19:42

All right, ladies, that's all that I have for you today and listen, if this episode resonated with you and you want to take this a step deeper and just be more intentional with your time, growing your faith and become more productive, schedule a free session with me. All you have to do is go to wwwwinnyraycom for slash recession and I hope you get started. All right, lady, happy Monday and have a beautiful rest of your day. Bye. Hey, lady, if this podcast helped you, challenged you or inspired you in some way, please leave me a written review for the show on Apple podcast and share it with another military sister. Helping you integrate balance, prioritization and growth in your relationship with God is my ultimate comment. I'm so blessed that you were here and please join us in the faith-led military women community on Facebook at pitley four slash beyond the military. G R P. Hope to see you there and I'll meet you back here next week. Bye.