4 Goal Setting Mistakes to avoid in 2024

As we ring in a new year and celebrate our 200th episode, I'm thrilled to extend a heartfelt thank you to all of you who've joined me on this journey—whether you've been here since the beginning or you're just tuning in. This episode is a treasure trove of insights on embracing the new year with intention, from the art of setting goals to the power of a positive mindset. If you're ready to break free from the chains of self-doubt and past failures, you're in the right place. Prepare to equip yourself with the strategies you need to forge a path to success that resonates with your personal dreams and aspirations.

Today's conversation is an honest exploration of the emotional ebbs and flows that accompany the pursuit of goals. It's about acknowledging that our journey is punctuated as much by setbacks as it is by victories, and that's perfectly okay. I'm diving into the brain's complex wiring for experiencing both joy and sorrow, offering a fresh perspective on why a 50-50 emotional balance is not only normal but necessary. By the end of this talk, you'll walk away with a newfound respect for patience, realistic expectations, and the importance of recognizing your unique growth without falling into the comparison trap.

I'm shining a spotlight on the undeniable impact of accountability and the power of commitment. I'll share personal anecdotes on how having accountability partners has enriched my own path to success and extend an invitation for a free consultation to help you tackle your challenges head-on. Plus, I'm excited to announce upcoming opportunities to connect through my Facebook group and enriching webinars. So, if you're geared up to take on the new year, join me for this celebratory episode, and let's make those ambitious goals a reality together.

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Transcript

Wendi: 0:00

Hello, lady, and welcome to episode 200 and happy new year. I'm so happy that you're here and I'm just super excited about today's episode, and not only because it's our 200th episode, but because you're here and you're tuning in and you're ready to get after it for this year. And, by the way, if you've been tuning in for the last 200 episodes, I want to personally say thank you. I am so grateful for you. I am so thankful that you've been tuning in and supporting me along this journey and if you're new here and stumbled upon this podcast or maybe somebody shared this podcast with you welcome. I am so happy that you're here. My hopes is that you not only learn and get some of these tactical tools to help you grow with your mindset, or even just start applying them for you to start getting after it, but also to help you in the long-term, emotionally and also just overall, with your overall well-being. And so thank you again for tuning in, for stumbling near, and I'm just so excited about today's episode. Today we are talking about what not to do or the mistakes that we make when we are goal-setting, when we're trying to get you know after the beginning of January, the beginning of the year and just go all in on our goals. And so I want to offer this, because a lot of the times and this has happened to me as well we don't take in consideration what is happening in our mind and really how these goals maybe their goals that you've had before are going to impact you in that moment. Right, we always get super excited on the new year, the new you know it's going to be a new opportunity, a new start for you to get going, for you to get traction and actually meet that goal.

Wendi: 1:47

And for some of you it may be easier, right, for you, like, for example, for me, it's a lot easier for to accomplish a goal if it includes waking up in the morning, doing anything and everything earlier in the day versus in the evening. So for me, I am very aware that anything that I'm pursuing, I have to be able to do at least 75% of the time earlier in the day versus in the evening. And it may be the opposite for you, right? You may be thinking well, I actually don't have any time in the morning because I'm still in the military and I have so many things to do even before I start my day, so for me, it's better in the evening, and so, for you, it would be then, being aware that most of the things that you're going to get done that are details or simple tasks that you need to do for your goal, for you to achieve your goal happens in the evening, and so, again, just becoming aware of those little things that are going to help you to continue to not only get traction but be consistent and continue to compound on the actions that you're taking to help you reach your goal, because that's the ultimate goal here.

Wendi: 2:55

In order for you to get the result that you want, you have to take action. What helps us take the action that we need, how we feel and how we feel is initiated by our thinking, and I know that it sounds very simple, but for the most part, most of us, especially as women, moms, significant others we are constantly thinking about 100 things at the same time, or even thinking about the 100 things at the same time and doing three other things, multitasking at the same time, which is crazy, because that's just typically. A lot of men do this as well, but for the most part, women wear so many hats at the same time, and so what I want to offer you today is to, just One, keep an open mind on where you are with your goal setting and, two, how you're going to take this information and start applying it, because I promise you, it's very, very helpful when it comes to you beginning your goals, even considering to write down your goals and what you're going to accomplish or want to accomplish this year. Now, this is more of a high level overview, very high level, and I want you to really take a moment to write these down and start thinking about it in your own way, on how this is going to apply to your goals. And I'm going to give you examples based on what my goals are, or what my goal has been and will continue to be until I meet it, regardless of the time frame, because that's another reason that we sometimes we're like what is going on.

Wendi: 4:33

We're not aware that the goal doesn't have to have a deadline, especially if it's like a personal goal that you're like, okay, I'm not in a rush, or whatever it may be, but now we're also going to be discussing, like the examples, especially if you're still in the military what if you need to pass a PT test? What if you need to meet high end weight? What if you need to be able to be ready for a promotion or a certain test, certification that you need, that requires you to be ready by a certain date? And so, whatever it may be, I want to be able to show you and for you to also see it in a way where you are now aware of when these things are going to come up. Because here's the thing our mind is always going to want to keep us safe, and what does it do? It reminds us of what we're not doing right, of how it all has happened, all wrong before, and how many times you've failed and how many times you said you're going to do that and you haven't.

Wendi: 5:33

And so this is why it's very important for us to become aware of where we are with our goal. Well, first, what is our goal, where we are with our goal, and then the gaps that we need to fill in order to get to our goal, and those gaps are pretty much the action, the small little things that you need to do in order to get there. And so here is the first mistake that I don't want you to get sucked into, because, remember, we want to stay focused on the goalkeeper always, but also on your goal, and so the first mistake that we always typically make is that we're in a rush. We're always in a rush to get to that goal. And you may be thinking, well, no, I've given myself three months or six months. But here's what happens Our mind every single day.

Wendi: 6:30

When we don't see any progress or we may sometimes see a little bit of progress we do some crazy math in our head that most of the times will include drama. And then we're like see, it's day three and I haven't lost a pound yet. I shouldn't have stared at that ice cream or whatever it may be. Or, you see, I missed a day at the gym already. It's, you know, day three out of five and I missed one. I'm not going to be able to do this for 30 days straight, whatever it may be. And so, again, because our mind, we're like okay, it needs to happen, we need to see the progress.

Wendi: 7:04

It doesn't see that our life is going to be 50, 50. And this is what I mean by 50, 50. 50% of the time throughout our lives, even if you have a goal or you don't have a goal, if you're somebody that's like I don't really write down goals or I don't have many goals, it's completely okay. There will always be 50% negative emotion and 50% positive emotion throughout our lives. That's just the way it's going to be. There are going to be great days and there are going to be bad days. There are going to be days that you're like I'm so happy and the joy is there, and then there's going to be days that you're super sad or that you're just completely down or feeling anxious, because that's just the way our brains are wired. That's just the way life is right.

Wendi: 7:53

God has given us the ability and freedom of will to do things, but here's the thing what happens is that other things around us that we cannot control will happen, and so, no matter how well and how perfect and how committed and how consistent we are, there are going to be things that you have no control over, and so when those things happen in your mind you're like I'm in a rush. You are going to immediately want to even just either go into full, like I'm going to be stuck and I'm not going to take action anymore because I don't know what to do with my negative emotion, or you can say okay, clearly I'm really not up to go to the gym, or clearly I know that because I'm sad, I want to go and drink or eat or whatever it may be for you, when you aren't really allowing and processing that emotion. Whatever it's your go to Netflix, hulu but you're able to identify and acknowledge that your mind is just trying to avoid that and is trying to get you faster to your goal. Because of that one thing, you're like, okay, now I really need to figure out how to, you know, get out of the military quicker because of this one thing. And so your mind is always going to offer you to be in a rush when you don't need to be in a rush. So how do we fix this? Or how do we go about not getting sucked into this mistake? We have to acknowledge that our lives are going to be 50-50, no matter what Things are going to happen. One of my kids are not. They're not going to feel good, or their games are gonna get canceled or whatever it may be right. And now I don't have that time or flexibility to be able to do the thing that I thought I was gonna do or that I had planned to do, because, remember, every goal that we have requires a little to do, or what I like to call it, do goals that happen along the way, and so there's always going to be that one thing that you cannot control. But your mind's gonna be like, okay, we need to hurry, why aren't we there yet? Why haven't we lost that one pound this week? Oh, because maybe you didn't meal prep. You didn't meal prep because your childhood was sick. You didn't meal prep because you were in the field. You didn't meal prep because you had a conference to go to for work. You didn't meal prep. Or you didn't go to the gym because of X, y, z. But it's going to happen, so don't get sucked in to be in a rush for your goal. The next one you go into compare and despair with your progress. You're like, okay, the girl at the gym already lost five pounds, or my husband already lost 10 pounds just by not eating anything. And here I am, I'm starving myself, working out and I still haven't lost anything.

Wendi: 10:45

What happens, or the reason that we go into compare and despair, is because we're not evaluating our personal selves, we're not doing a full what we call an after action review, in the military and the army specifically, and we don't acknowledge even the progress that we've made. And so what is the solution to this? Or how do we like not get sucked into this? We actually evaluate where we are. We evaluate every single week or every other day, whatever works for you, whatever you need to do, or maybe every pay period right, especially if you're like trying to save or you're trying to get out of debt. Whatever it may be, you're paying through as a credit card. You want to evaluate every single time that you do an actual like budget review or you get paid, whatever it may be for you, and so being able to do that it helps you to not to go into compare and despair and really just be in a space where I am looking at others in how they're so successful.

Wendi: 11:45

Already within the first month, you saw on a social media post that somebody just got done paying their credit card. I mean, we don't know what the amount was, maybe they'll share it, maybe they don't. We don't know what they had to save the year before, where they got the funds from. We don't know any of that, but we immediately because our brain is like, oh my gosh, danger, you're not gonna do it. You see, your friend from high school just completely paid off a credit card, or she just bought a home and got a new card, whatever it is.

Wendi: 12:15

We go into compare and despair, and that is mistake number two. We do not want to go into compare and despair. Instead, take the time to evaluate to an action after review. What worked, what's working I'm in. What you need to improve, what didn't work, right? Okay, you know, this works me, actually paying my credit card in advance. What didn't work?

Wendi: 12:41

I actually then use the credit card again, you know, to pay this unexpected bill. Okay, what am I going to do differently? I am going to, um, make a plan on what happens when I have an unexpected bill or an unexpected expense, whatever it may be. Or what are you going to think about having that credit there? I mean that, um, that debt there. Maybe it's just a thought about the debt, right? Maybe there's nothing wrong with the debt. Maybe it's you again wanting to be in a rush to pay it off. You know, is it? What is it about that credit card? Is it the interest rate? Is it just the number that is giving you the anxiety? Um, or he may be getting out of the military. You're just trying to be able to pay off all your debt before you get out. What is it Right, like? What thoughts are coming up? And so, again, when you evaluate, you are able to see that and able to manage your mind around the compare and despair, like, okay, don't focus on anybody else, focus on you, focus on what you can do, what you can control.

Wendi: 13:37

And then the third one is accountability. And I wanted to do this one as a fourth one because it's Very is just as important as the last one that I was sharing, but then I figured that the last one was just the all and for all. Number four, I mean the the strongest mistake, according to what I you believe in what I've seen in my past clients. But the third one is accountability. The third mistake that we make is that we don't take accountability for our own actions. We don't take accountability for our own goals. We don't take accountability for our excuses and that's just what it is excuses or even just um, the idea that our goal or our personal goals aren't as important as Going to work, even though that is always, you know, important if you are happy and Excited and it's paying for your bills and it's paying for your roof, it's, you know, helping you with everything else.

Wendi: 14:40

But here's the thing with accountability. What happens when we don't have accountability? We then don't do it. And here's what happens when it's Accountability about ourselves, we typically Want to just keep it moving. We're like, oh, we're not that important, it's okay, we'll get to it next week, we'll get to it next month, we'll get to it next quarter. Because, especially as women, especially as women, as moms, as wives listen when I tell you this has happened to me and it goes through my mind more than I would love and expected to Because when we are only filling accountable or actually being accountable with ourselves, there is a less chance for us to do things.

Wendi: 15:32

And you can try this, try it out you are more accountable if you tell your friend to meet you at the gym every morning. Why? Because you don't want to fail her, you don't want to disappoint her, you don't want to or for her to feel encouraged or supported because you weren't there. Now, if and I promise you, if you have an accountability partner, you'll be there. A battle buddy, that's why we call it an army you will be there because you don't want to fail them, you don't want to discourage them, you don't want to not please them right, and so when you tell yourself that you're going to go and you are going to have yourself as a accountability partner or person support, you're going to be like you know what I can go tomorrow, it'll be fine, I'll be completely fine, I'll still go to the gym for 45 minutes, whatever it may be the same thing for saving for that.

Wendi: 16:27

That's why there's financial advisors, that's why there are different people that will help you in every area of your life and, for example, as a coach. This is where it's so important for you to understand and know the difference. Okay, am I going to trust myself on this? If the answer is no, then you need a coach. It could be a business coach, it could be a life coach, it could be any type of coach investor, coach Somebody's going to help you actually take the step to invest. Again, a financial advisor, right, whatever it may be for you. You need that accountability partner and listen. If you need a coach and you love everything that I've been sharing and these topics, episodes have been resonated I want to offer you to go to my website and schedule a free 45 minute consultation where you and I will walk through every single step on what you need to get done or why you're feeling stuck. Why are those limiting beliefs keep coming up, and I will help you in that session and, of course, I will offer you more on how we can work together. So that's number three. If you're like I need an accountability partner, I need a coach, I need somebody to walk me and fill these gaps or be able to help me from where I am now to the next level, to the next step, that's what I'm here for. So go schedule a call right now.

Wendi: 17:50

And mistake number four, the one that I said, that's the most important, according to me, of course, and what I've seen on why my clients continue to just stumble and continue to not reach or make progress or sort of goals, it's because they're not committed enough. It's commitment If you don't commit, you are not going to get there. And this is what commitment means. It means for you to do it no matter what, for you to get there, no matter what, regardless of the timeframe, regardless of all the obstacles and all the examples and all the excuses that your brain wants to offer you, regardless of all that you are able to commit, no matter what. When you're able to do that, it also means that you're willing to fail and that, my friends, is the part that gets everybody. They're like I don't want to fail. Why should I commit? I already know I'm not going to do it, I'm not going to get to that goal. Right, it could be a ridiculous or anyone say ridiculous. Maybe it's a far fetched goal.

Wendi: 18:56

So, if you guys remember, my goal for this year for the podcast was 25,000 downloads. I didn't get there. I was at 17.2,000 downloads for this year, but guess what? It's completely okay. It's still my goal this year and it still continues. Right, I continue to pursue that goal.

Wendi: 19:17

I really wanted it to be 25k, but guess what? There's some things that I need to work on in order for me to get there, to get to that reach, and that's completely okay. I'm okay with that because in this season I'm in a season of not only being able to be flexible with my time with my little one, with my family, and really making that a priority. I rather continue to compound on the numbers on my podcast and also continue to be there for my family. I have to give something, sacrifice something, and it's okay, it's completely okay. But here's the thing I evaluated it. I know what I need to work on. I know what I need to do this year to help me reach that goal, if not, maybe surpass it, and that's really the goal here to surpass the 25k this year by the end of this year. It's definitely going to be way over, I know it. The way the numbers are coming, some rules are slow month for sure, but listen, I have so many things planned.

Wendi: 20:20

And, by the way, before I forget because I probably will there will be a webinar that I'll be hosting in my Facebook group. If you're not in my Facebook group, come join. I want to invite you to come to the Life Coaching for Military and Veteran Women on Facebook, and you can also scroll to the bottom of this page. All you have to do is go to winniratecom 4-200 and you'll see how you can join and what will happen. Now, every single month, I'll be doing a webinar on the Facebook group itself, but you can also join if you're like Wendy.

Wendi: 20:54

I have no Facebook. I do not have any social media, whatever it may be for you completely get it. All you have to do is you can send me a DM sorry, an email, not a DM, because you don't have social media. You can send me an email at hello at winniratecom, or you can also go to my website, winniratecom 4-contact, and you'll be able to submit your information under your email so that I can send you or include you in my email list for you to get the webinar link and be able to join us.

Wendi: 21:25

And so, with that, I am going to be sharing every single month on how you not only can continue to say, focus on your goal, how to make time for your goal, but every single month it's going to be something different, and throughout the month, in the Facebook group, we are going to be having pretty much like a workshop every other week to be able to help you individually and learn more of where you're struggling, so that it's more applicable and you know something that you can do more. That's more tactical for you specifically, and so I'm super excited to be on there and just so many great things coming up. And with that, again, I want to invite you to come join me, come, let me know what your goals are, because that is the goal here, and you guys, the goal is to continue to pursue your goals, to continue to feel encouraged, to continue to stay motivated, and so, again, I just want to recap really quickly on the four mistakes that we don't want you to get into. Set them to for this year, especially at the beginning of the year, and for you to be aware of them. And the first one is not being a rush. Don't be in a rush and remember that life is 50-50, no matter what. Two don't get sucked in to compare and despair. Instead, evaluate. Evaluate where you are, the progress that you've made, so that you can continue to be consistent and continue to make progress.

Wendi: 22:47

Number three accountability, accountability, accountability, accountability. If you are an individual woman that needs to be accountable, you need a coach, you need someone that is going to walk you through every single step and help you not only stay encouraged, but also help you see and be aware of what's happening in your mind, why you're not taking action, why you're feeling the way that you're feeling, and help you through those steps. And number four you need to stay committed. You need to commit to that goal and you need to be willing to fail. You need to be willing to fail. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay, even if you feel discouraged that you didn't meet it. I was a little discouraged, a little disappointed, but guess what? I know that I'm committed and I'm going to continue no matter what. So be willing to fail.

Wendi: 23:34

All right, ladies, thank you so much for tuning in. I'm so excited and listen, I want you to go follow me on Instagram. I need you to go join my group so that you can get all the details Facebook group, all the details on the upcoming webinars that I'll be hosting. All right, have a beautiful rest of your week and, again, happy new year. Talk to you later. Bye.