Beyond the Military Podcast: Life Coach for Burned out Women, Military Transition Coach, Career and Productivity Coach for Military and Veteran Women,

Focused on pursing the goal Giver not the goal itself

December 29, 2021 Wendi Wray Episode 57
Beyond the Military Podcast: Life Coach for Burned out Women, Military Transition Coach, Career and Productivity Coach for Military and Veteran Women,
Focused on pursing the goal Giver not the goal itself
Show Notes Transcript

Hey sister-friend, 

In today’s episode, I encourage you to redirect your focus on the goal giver and not so much on the goals. 

I pray this blesses you and helps you focus on the blessings you received and how you were a blessing to many around you this year. 



P.S. If you've been feeling exhausted from endless expectations and working all the time - this program is for you. Join me in the Burnout to Balance Coaching Program.

P.P.S.If you enjoyed this podcast, I'd love to ask you to follow and leave a quick review. It only takes 30 seconds, but it makes a huge difference to my show. Click here to open Beyond the Military in Apple Podcasts to leave your review.

Join us in the Facebook Faith-led Military Women Community at 

More about coaching resources from me:

Website  |  Instagram  |  Facebook  |  LinkedIn  | Contact

Join me in the Burnout to Balance Coaching Program.

P.S.If you enjoyed this podcast, I'd love to ask you to follow and leave a quick review. It only takes 30 seconds, but it makes a huge difference to my show. Click here to open Beyond the Military in Apple Podcasts to leave your review.

Join us in the Facebook Life + Career Coaching Community at

More about coaching resources from me:

Website | LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook | Contact Me | Schedule Consult

[00:00:00] Wendi: Sis, welcome to Beyond the Military Podcast, where faith led military women overcome burnout and create more balance. Just imagine having enough time to focus on your faith family and have more fun while still serving as a woman leader in this podcast, you will walk away with the tools to help you navigate the busy life of a military woman.

[00:00:21] Wendi: Organize your mind. Overcome overwhelm, create a privatization playbook, and balanced blueprint for integrating. Family and career yeses in that order. Hi, I'm when you re woman of God life mama of two army veteran and certified life coach, and I'm here to help you create a life of meaning outside of the military, a life of laughter joy and attentional free time.

[00:00:45] Wendi: If you are ready to overcome burnout and create balance as a faith led military woman, sis, this podcast is for you. So loosen up your laces and grab your coffee because it's time to step into freedom. Hello ladies, and welcome to [00:01:00] episode number 57. And if you're new here and you stumbled upon this podcast upon this episode, I want to personally welcome you and thank you for tuning in and joining us for our last episode of 2021.

[00:01:15] Wendi: I know it's super exciting, hopefully for you as well. I just love the end of the year and the new year I. I am the person that wants to always rush to the end for anything that I do. That even includes a book that I start reading. Um, anything that I. Because of how my mind is. I want to immediately rush to the end and kind of get that over with and go on to the next thing.

[00:01:45] Wendi: Right? So if your brain is anything like mine, then you're excited for the end of the year. But if it isn't anything like mine and you want to check everything off your list and you want to make sure that everything's right, the house is clean and everything. [00:02:00] That comes along with the new year, then you will possibly even enjoy this episode as well.

[00:02:05] Wendi: Because I think that we all are hearing and we all begin hearing, you know, like new year's resolution and what are we doing for the new year? And you know, what are you going to change? What are you going to focus on? Like, what is it that's going to change about you right after Christmas? Like we start hearing it not only through social media, but you know, other people around you.

[00:02:28] Wendi: Possibly even your significant other, your husband, your family members, or even through podcasts. Right? I think a lot of the people that we follow, a lot of the people that we learn from, I think that they are talking about this as well. And I also want to not only touch on this a little bit, but I want to really talk about it in a different way.

[00:02:49] Wendi: So again, if you're new here, welcome. And if you've been tuning in and you've been listening to me this whole year, thank you again. And I am just so happy to be here. I [00:03:00] am always so excited to not only record this podcast, but just offer you so much value of how to improve with our, um, the way we think about time, how to begin to create this balanced lifestyle that we all want.

[00:03:15] Wendi: How to just begin. Focusing on what really is important to us, what we value the most. And it could be, you know, it could begin with faith. It could begin with your family. It could be really anything that is important to you as set of, um, denying it or pushing it to the right as we always do because of.

[00:03:36] Wendi: The, um, the way our military career has, you know, not only put us through, but how it really is just meant to be, um, you know, this rigorous timeline that we have rigorous environment and just a different. Work life balance, um, lifestyle that we create, not intentionally, of course, but that's just the nature of it, right?[00:04:00] 

[00:04:00] Wendi: Like we cannot go to work, um, anything less than eight hours when it comes to, you know, me and active duty. And then I think that we then carry that out into the civilian sector when we transition. Because we're so used to it. So, um, again, this is what this podcast is all about, and I hope that you take each and every nugget that I am giving you, because I promise you that it can get better.

[00:04:27] Wendi: And I promise you that when you partner with God and you lean into him and you ask him for wisdom and you ask him for patience and you ask him for the. Um, the feeling that you want, that you're desiring for most of us that is peace and really get away and really just lower the anxiety and overcome any other, you know, um, negative emotion, like overwhelmed.

[00:04:54] Wendi: That's something that I always struggled with. Um, it was overwhelm frustration, [00:05:00] anxiety, anger. It was just a cycle of all these negative emotions that weren't serving me. And. Again, I hope that this podcast not only brings you, um, the tools and I offer you the, the things that I not only use in my personal life, but also with my clients that I'm currently coaching.

[00:05:19] Wendi: So again, I am just so thankful that you're here and I'm so blessed to be a part of this journey with you as well. And again, I just want to continue to do this, um, for many, many years. So I am just so happy that we are here and we are closing out the year together. And I know most of us possibly didn't have a, you know, crate here.

[00:05:44] Wendi: Right. And by that, I mean, throughout the whole year, some of us had some ups and downs. Some of us probably were. You know, through negative emotion most of the year, um, depending, you know, if your family was healthy or not, or even, you know, with the work and [00:06:00] how that possibly affected, you know, your finances, how that possibly affected other people around you, your family, and, you know, just going through everything that has happened this year alone and.

[00:06:13] Wendi: You know, kind of putting that together with the goals that you've set for yourself can also be challenging to even think about. Right. So I wanted to offer you this episode on really just acknowledging all that you've done this year and focusing on how you can continue to grow into the 20, 22 into the next year.

[00:06:36] Wendi: So if you're listening to this episode, Um, during the last week of 2021, I highly recommend that you do the work that I'm going to give you here shortly, and that you really stay focused on. What God has given you, um, pretty much as a gift and as kind of the work that he wants you to do of [00:07:00] service for on this world.

[00:07:02] Wendi: And so not taking away from what has happened, right? Possibly the challenges, the obstacles that you've gone through, not only you, but also your family. So still staying focused in a way that is going to serve. Others and also benefit everyone around you in the long run. Right. And again, I'll talk about this and I'll kind of give you guys my example and kind of give you guys, you know, um, you know, how 2021 was for me, you know, it was, it was very challenging.

[00:07:32] Wendi: Um, and I'm think many of you know, this, and I don't think I've shared this, um, as much here on the episode, I mean on the podcast, but if you are my friend and you are close to me, The beginning of this year was very challenging not to mention that that's when I started the podcast. So again, there's just so many things that will go on in our lives and we sometimes.

[00:07:57] Wendi: We are robots. And because, you know, we [00:08:00] have to pretend that we have this perfect life or that we have it all figured out because we're leaders and, you know, we're officers are, we are, you know, first Sergeant Sergeant major, just, you know, simply a leader in the military. We sometimes think that, you know, nothing could ever happen to us or, you know, we've done everything well, we're being obedient.

[00:08:22] Wendi: We are doing everything. You know, um, it's good and serving others and when the right thing, but why is this happening to me? Right. Like we kind of sometimes go there and I'll be honest. Like I went there this year, um, at the beginning of the year again, um, through my struggle and I was like, what, why is this happening to me?

[00:08:43] Wendi: Like everything that I feel that I need to be doing. And, you know, not only being of service is just kind of. Not working out for me. Like, why am I being punished? Or why, you know, is this happening [00:09:00] now know, like, I've thought I've gone through this already. So it's so many things that come up, especially when you have goals, right.

[00:09:08] Wendi: When you're like, I'm trying to just be a better person. I'm just trying to get my finances together. I'm just trying to, you know, better myself. I know. Just trying to help as many people as possible. And then, you know, obstacles and challenges come and you're like, wait, this is not how I envisioned 20, 21 to be.

[00:09:28] Wendi: And oh, by the way, now I have 30 other things that have going on not to mention my daily things that are going on. Right? So this podcast, or this episode is all about how we play or how we really respond. To life when we feel like we're being defeated when we're losing, when we're not doing well, when things aren't going the way we expected it to be.[00:10:00] 

[00:10:00] Wendi: Because again, we are so tied up into the things that we want, that we desire and that we want to achieve. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with bettering yourself, right? Like that's what I'm all about. I'm all about improving. I'm all about growing. I'm all about taking the risk and, um, really embracing the challenge.

[00:10:24] Wendi: That has been given to us. And, um, if you haven't listened to episode number six on how to overcome any challenge, highly recommend that you do, because I talk about the two challenges that we get and how you can start overcoming the challenging going through the. The challenge that you're currently facing the process that I recommend you to use, because I'm telling you when you're in it, when we are all in the suck, when we are all just, you know, not understanding, you know, how we got there or how [00:11:00] this even happened, it can be difficult.

[00:11:02] Wendi: It could really be, um, very frustrating. And, you know, with that, I always want to save. You want to begin with prayer, right? You want to really seek out first before you seek anyone else. Like you want to see God, you want to get on your knees and you want to start praying and you want to start asking him to help you.

[00:11:25] Wendi: Not only through this process, through the challenges. Really to continue to help you to stay firm in your faith. So with that, um, I kinda went off, um, here, but I just wanted to emphasize to go check out episode number six. And here's the thing I think that we don't mind at channel. Right. We don't, you know, um, run away from the challenges.

[00:11:49] Wendi: I think it's the opposite for us, especially in the military, we want to be challenged and we sign up to do the most challenging things. Right. We sign up for ranger school for airborne [00:12:00] school for, uh, air assault. I mean, 10 milers, half marathons, full marathons. Like we do that because it's an option that we do have, and that's just the way our minds now have been wired on, you know, being the best of the best and being competitive and just challenging ourselves through challenging things.

[00:12:19] Wendi: Right. So, The problem then begins, or the problem then becomes that this obstacle, wasn't really a part of the plan. And now, you know, I still have goals to seek or I still have goals to achieve. So that's why I wanted to do. Talk about, you know, the importance of just looking at everything that has happened, the good and the bad, and really acknowledging everything that you've done this year, even if it was the right or wrong thing, right.

[00:12:49] Wendi: Like the decisions that you've made, um, and really what you've created, the, the outcome, the results. And here's the, the, um, the [00:13:00] key part, the most important part of this is that. Regardless of you achieving your goals or not, or getting close or, um, you know, again, checking every goal that you've set for yourself and you've accomplished.

[00:13:17] Wendi: I want you to remember this, if there's anything that you remember or that you take out of this episode, is that yes. Focusing on the goal and focusing on the outcomes that you've created, the results that have happened this year. Yes. That's important, but it's important that you don't pursue this goal or that you keep this goal.

[00:13:42] Wendi: Keep these achievements above. Pursuing the goal giver because at the end of the day, yes, we can all have, you know, all these goals written down and taken care of in a plan and a [00:14:00] strategy and overcome obstacles and, and achieve the goal. But we don't want to primarily focus on just that we want to continue to pursue our giver, our goalkeeper.

[00:14:14] Wendi: Which is our father, our Lord God. And I think that that is what sometimes gets us in trouble because we forget that. It's not ultimately what we want for us. It's ultimately what he wants for us. Right. So, you know, keeping that in mind is going to change everything. I promise you because even now there, yes, there are goals that I didn't accomplish this year because.

[00:14:42] Wendi: One, if you don't know me by now, I have impossible goals. Like, that's just what I call them, because that's just what they are. Right. Like for me there, um, goals that sometimes even thinking about it, like every day, it just makes me want to like, like, [00:15:00] honestly, just like, I just want to like, It just, nauseates me thinking about like, oh my gosh, am I really going to, you know, is this even possible?

[00:15:10] Wendi: Right? Because it's just such a big goal that I think that we should all be striving for. But at the same time, staying focused on what you are creating now, what you are actually doing now, what you are. You know, the results that you're the outcomes that you were creating, um, and not so focused on the goal itself, right?

[00:15:33] Wendi: Like, yes, they focused, but ultimately we want to stay focused on what God wants for us on the plans that he wants for us. And I want to share this verse with you all, because this is honestly what kept me going at the beginning of the year, where, you know, I thought that, you know, everything was. Not going well, and it wasn't right.

[00:15:56] Wendi: It wasn't. And again, it wasn't something that I ever saw [00:16:00] expected in, you know, it was just something that really, um, Changed everything for me when it came to, you know, understanding what it meant to really lean in with God, right. Even when you know, I'm being obedient. When I am doing everything, all the right things and still staying firm in my, um, faith foundation and my relationship with God through prayer, through meditating on the word and.

[00:16:31] Wendi: And this is one of them. It's not the only one. I have so many other verses, but I want to share Proverbs chapter 16, verse one to three, and it says we can make our own plans, but the Lord gives us the right answer. People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines, their motives commit your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed.

[00:16:53] Wendi: And this is what I, you know, took out of and kind of the observation that I had from [00:17:00] this verse or from these verses. And for me, it was, you know, we have the freedom of thought in will to make our plans. He wants us to, you know, have this vision for not only ourselves, but for others around us, but the answer lies in God's response to our plans.

[00:17:20] Wendi: He guides us and he often can in, will change or even redirect or plans. So therefore we have to be ready to be flexible. And when it talks about commit your actions to the Lord commit pretty much his meaning, like transfer your burdens onto him because our family and our careers are in activities. All of that belongs to God.

[00:17:51] Wendi: Right. And we can trust them with that. Yes we can because he is our creator. And when we do that, [00:18:00] scripture reminds us that our thoughts will be ordained by God. He will give us the wisdom. So. Again, being able to have this as a reminder that yes, we can make plans, but to also be flexible. So if you're feeling discouraged right now, if you're feeling as if nothing went the wet, the way you wanted it, or you didn't accomplish any goals because of everything that has happened this year.

[00:18:31] Wendi: And because yes, I mean, you possibly struggled the entire time or, you know, that are, or circumstances that weren't, that got in the way of certain things that you wanted. Right. And, and this is a good thing. This is a good thing about goals. This is a good thing. And I think that we don't want, besides this enough, is that goal.

[00:18:52] Wendi: Or mainly our desires, right. Or desires of something that we don't have yet, obviously, right. Of [00:19:00] things that we want to pursue because it's, what's going to help us grow and evolve. But here's the thing. You have to have everything that you need currently and possibly even more. Right. Because when we go through a challenge, when we go through so many obstacles, We actually do evolve in a different way and we just don't see it that way.

[00:19:21] Wendi: Right. Because we're still thinking, oh, but now I'm kind of back on square one or I have fallen back or, you know, I have missed a moment or missed that opportunity because of X challenge or, you know, whatever happened to whatever, um, other route you had to take. Right. But. We miss the part of, you know, we're stronger.

[00:19:45] Wendi: We are closer to God. We are now in a different place mentally and emotionally, right? Because you have gone through so much this year, or you have been through the challenges that you weren't expecting. So yes, [00:20:00] you are more resilient. You are now this person that can be proud of. The, um, the way you responded to this, um, circumstance, this challenge and how you played, even when you felt you were losing, even when you felt that you were discouraged, because.

[00:20:21] Wendi: That's really what happens when we are going through, you know, moments. So for example, like myself at the beginning of the year, you know, my husband and I were not in the right place. We were, you know, just. Not having this relationship that we had planned and yes, it was uncomfortable. Yes. You know, we both felt like we were just losing sight of what really mattered, but at the end of the day, you know, when we were able to still be the humans that we are, and, um, [00:21:00] really stay close to guide and continue to now.

[00:21:04] Wendi: Lean in and pray for answers and pray for guidance, but we were able to. You know, still play this game even when we were losing. Right. Because I think that most of us want a not only a year, but a life of, you know, everything to go. Well, of course we do. I mean, we all strive for that. We all want to be happy, but the thing is, you know, how well do you play when you're losing?

[00:21:30] Wendi: I think that that's really. Part here, you know, how well do we do when we feel discouraged? When we feel that everything is not going the way we planned. And so, you know, keeping that in mind and being okay that you know, this big goal that you had, or these goals that you had for yourself this year didn't get accomplished.

[00:21:50] Wendi: It's completely okay. And I know that a lot of the, um, you know, Uh, people that you listen to, that you follow there may be saying, [00:22:00] well, you know, you possibly need to just focus more and believe more on this goal. Right? Like people will always say that. And I get it because that's just the nature of, you know, of this world.

[00:22:10] Wendi: Right. We all kind of tend to be more self-centered and focused on the things that we want to create. And yes. Um, I do believe that there is always a, you know, sense of, um, you know, how to improve and how to do better in a certain situation. But it's always so important that we recognize that these things were supposed to happen, right.

[00:22:36] Wendi: Because we're never in control. God is. And as much as you wanted to believe as much as you could have done better things. Some of these things weren't just supposed to happen because that's what God wants for us. Right. We, you know, yes. He loves us. Of course he does. He loves us more than we love ourselves, but we sometimes lose focus that there are challenges.

[00:22:59] Wendi: [00:23:00] There are things that he w he needs to put us through. Because we were possibly not going the right direction. Right. So I always think about this, like with my kids, when I tell them, you know, stop running or stop doing this one thing that you are so doing, because you're going to hurt yourself. And I sometimes have to redirect them into, you know, doing something else because.

[00:23:22] Wendi: If not, they are going to possibly get hurt. And for them it could be a challenge or it could be, you know, very uncomfortable to not go, um, and sit down for 10 minutes or just go to their rooms and do something other than the whole running up and down the stairs or whatever it may be. But that's sometimes I think that what God wants for us, he wants to know.

[00:23:45] Wendi: Take a moment. You know, I don't want you to start idolizing this goal or this thing that you have idolized or are trying to put above me. This, this one thing that you think is for you. So I'm going to do certain [00:24:00] things to help you get back on track. And that's honestly the way that I took it this year, I, I know.

[00:24:07] Wendi: There are things that could've gone better if you know, possibly, um, I, you know, decided to give in to certain things, but there were things that needed to be dealt with that needed to be communicated with. And this was the only way, you know, excuse me. There are some times. Ways that we think are better for us, but again, we don't know as much as God knows.

[00:24:32] Wendi: So this is what I want to offer you to do as we're closing out the year as we are getting ready for 2022, and that is to stay focused on the goal giver instead of the goal itself. Even if you did accomplish the goal, even if you didn't accomplish the goal, right? Because when you stay focused on the goal giver on guide, you continue to ask them and you continue to ask them to help you [00:25:00] and guide you and reveal to you.

[00:25:02] Wendi: If this is the goal for you, right. Or what other goals do you need to create in continue to, um, look forward to, to continue to pursue. Based on what he wants for you and for your family. Because I think, again, that's where we get caught up. Right? We're like so focused on this goal, but is it really going to help you and your family and how it's going to help serve other people around.

[00:25:30] Wendi: So begin on that. So that's step number one, focus on the gold giver. So lean in pray, um, ask them for answers, ask him to help you kind of see where you need to go with the goal that you did have. And if you need to continue to have this goal for 2022. And, um, the next thing you want to do is to just thank God for where you are.

[00:25:58] Wendi: With, even with all the chaos, [00:26:00] with all the, you know, the struggle that you've had. Um, it, it's hard. I know it's hard, but it's possible, you know, continue to glorify him, continue to thank him even when it's not going well, possibly. Right now, it's not going the way you planned, you know, continue to grow horrify him.

[00:26:20] Wendi: And then number three, reflect on all the good things that happened this year, reflect on the blessings that you received this year, because our minds are going to want to look for the bad things, right? Like all the things that we didn't do, the things that we didn't accomplish, the things that. Did it serve us, right.

[00:26:42] Wendi: And it's honestly not going to serve us at all. And yes, of course, we, there is a benefit of, you know, kind of doing our, you know, what worked and what didn't work and what we could do differently. But the key here is to really redirect herself to all the blessings that you've received, all the great things that [00:27:00] happened.

[00:27:00] Wendi: Because again, it's harder to look at that and it's a lot easier to look at the negative things, the bad things. And again, um, nothing wrong with that, but you want to be able to focus on all the good things or the blessings that you received. And again, glorifying God about it, and really just staying in this present moment of where you are now.

[00:27:23] Wendi: Really just be okay with where you are now. And I know it's hard for some of you. It could be, especially if you know, you're going through a divorce or you've recently gone through a divorce, um, or, you know, you've lost someone, um, really anything that is happening and that has happened. Just know that it's, um, there there's a reason for it.

[00:27:47] Wendi: And you know, this could be the time that you really lean in to where you are now and continue to glorify God, because that is what we are meant to do on this earth. We are here [00:28:00] to not only obey, but it's really about understanding. God is always in control and that we can trust him because yes, it's hard.

[00:28:10] Wendi: But at the end of the day, we can only do it with him. We can only do it when we partner with him. So those are the three things. Again, number one, stay focused on the goal giver, not the goal itself, but the goal giver and guide to give him thanks. And number three, reflect on all the blessings and all the good things of this year.

[00:28:32] Wendi: So that you cannot possibly continue to say focused on what God wants for you. All right, ladies, that's all they have for you today. And this is how we're closing out 2021. Thank you so much for tuning in and listen, if you haven't yet registered, where I walk you through the process of learning, how to organize your mind, stop indulging in overwhelm and prioritizing what truly matters so that you can not only build [00:29:00] intentional boundaries, but also most importantly partner with.

[00:29:03] Wendi: So, if you've been struggling, you've been feeling overwhelmed. You've been feeling burnt out, even feeling exhausted. This six week group coaching program is for you. We will begin January 10th with only five women in this group. So if you haven't registered. I want you to go register right now. All you have to do is go to

[00:29:27] Wendi: and the link is also in the show notes. I hope to see you there, and I want to wish you a blessed, happy new year. All right until next year guy. Hey lady. If this podcast helped you challenge you or inspired you in some way, please leave me a written review for the show on apple podcast and share it with another military sister, helping you integrate balance prioritization in a growth in your relationship with God is my ultimate.

[00:29:53] Wendi: I'm so blessed that you were here and please join us in the faith. Led military women community on Facebook [00:30:00] at Hope to see you there and I'll meet you back here next week. Bye.