High on Healing- Happy 420

Healing can feel amazing right up until it starts to feel like a drug. On 4/20, we play with the idea of “getting high” in a different way: getting so hooked on personal growth, therapy, journaling, shadow work, manifestation, and spiritual work that we forget how to simply live. If you have ever thought, “I have done the work… so now what?” you are going to feel seen. 

We dig into the quiet pressure to chase the next breakthrough and the next level, like there is a finish line where nothing ever triggers you again. I question that whole fantasy and name what many of us experience after years of self-development: the disorienting moment when you do not know who you are without a problem to fix. From nervous system work to integration, the point is not becoming a full-time healing project. The point is coming back home to your body, your truth, and this present moment. 

We also talk about how ordinary integration can look, why calm can feel unfamiliar, and how “highest self” might just want a laugh, a donut, a trampoline day, or a glass of wine. The takeaway is simple and surprisingly hard: the most awakened version of you is here today, not in some future perfected personality. If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who is tired of optimizing, and leave a review with what you are ready to stop fixing.

Transcript

Welcome And The 4/20 Setup

0:00

Hello and welcome back to the Spiritual Shit Show. Today is four 20, so I thought we could talk about getting high. Maybe not in the way that you think, although honestly no judgment. This is a safe space.

Getting Addicted To Healing

0:13

But I wanna talk about the idea of getting too high on healing this, this sounds super cheesy. I feel like as I'm talking this, this sounds cheesy, but we're gonna go with it. All right, here we go. In my own space, after years of personal growth therapy, spiritual work, journaling, meditating, shadow work, inner child work, nervous system work, plant medicine work, energy work, there can be this subtle habit of always looking for the next breakthrough, the next realization, the next level, or the next thing to heal. The next thing to understand the next version of ourselves, and at some point we have to pause and ask, wait. How much more healed am I trying to become, and is there a finish line? Am I getting higher and higher and higher on healing? Is there a certificate that I'm going to achieve after I do all this healing and work? Is there a sash? Is there a crown? Because Lord knows, actually I would like a crown. I would actually like a crown for all of the work that I have done to remind myself what a queen I am. But. This is what I'm noticing and this is what a lot of people are feeling. Okay, I've done the fucking work. I've looked at my patterns, I've done the manifestations work, I have processed my past. I have unpacked en enough childhood memories to fill an entire Netflix series. Maybe somebody should actually write a book on my life. I have journaled so much that I am personally responsible. For the deforestation that is happening.

The Awkward After The Breakthrough

1:44

Everybody needs to plant more trees because of me, I have done the work and now there is this feeling of, so now what? Now what does life look like now? What does being me feel like and not the stoned version? But like the fully sober, present vibrant version. Although, you know, I'm not really talking about myself 'cause I do love me a good glass of wine. But anyway, this is the thing. Spirituality and healing and manifestation work and journaling, it can be come a addicting. We can become a little too addicted to evolving. I'm seeing that for myself. We can become a little bit too addicted to the fixing and the understanding and trying to ascend and trying to level up and trying to manifest and activate and upgrade and optimize and share and heal and become our highest self. And sometimes we forget. Our highest self might just want to relax, or our highest self just needs a really good fucking laugh or that good glass of wine. Your higher self may just wanna fucking go outside for God's sake and jump on the trampoline or get your nails done. Your highest self may want to eat snacks, a donut. Don't overanalyze it. Take it from somebody who has spent literally nine years of dedicated work to healing and what I am realizing. Although I'm grateful for all the things that I have learned. 'cause how I am feeling in my body now is, it's so weird. It's so strange. There's a podcast coming about that sometimes I actually really do feel high, honestly, like I've smoked like 50 blunts because I feel so disoriented in my life because I don't know what it's like to not be healing, and I am learning how to integrate to be fully human. Fully

The Truth Is Not In Future You

3:57

here, fully present fully in my life. Because the truth is everything that we are searching for, everything that we are searching for, it is not somewhere else. It is not in some future enlightened version of yourself. It is not in some perfect version of your personality. It is not in some future manifestation. It is not some final healed state where nothing ever triggers you again, and we just float peacefully stoned out of our gizzards through Trader Joe's and or target with a glowing aura. Although I am here for that. I am all for it. And literally everything that we are searching for, everything that we are healing, everything that we are manifesting is actually bringing us back home to ourselves, back home to our bodies, back home to our truth, back home to our lives, back home to this very present moment. So maybe today on four 20, instead of trying to get higher and higher and higher. May we ask, what does it feel like to be fully here now? What does it feel like to be grounded? What does it feel like to love exactly where I am right now? What does it feel like to integrate everything that I've learned? What does it feel like to fucking live and to be happy? What does it feel like to not struggle? What does it feel like to actually live our lives instead of constantly trying to improve them?

Plug For Energy Club

5:48

But if you do want to constantly improve your life, don't forget, I host Energy Club on Monday night, 7:00 PM Mountain Standard Time on Zoom. I should get paid for that plug. All right, listen,

Integration Brings You Back To Life

6:01

healing is not about becoming your full-time personality. Healing is meant to return you to your life, return you to your joy, return you to your authenticity, return you to being able to laugh at yourself, which honestly is a huge milestone in growth. Being able to say, wow, I really thought that was the end of the world, and now I'm fine and incredible. Oh wow. I really thought that I was like a major healer. And how humble am I to realize that everybody that I heal and work with, they're actually really teaching me. Haha, incredible. That's growth. Can we get so high on being present that we feel the magic in the present moment, that we feel high from being connected with one another. That we feel what it feels like to get high off of being so fucking aligned with your life. Can we practice feeling the high of what it's like? To actually live our lives instead of trying to manifest or solve them, can we practice feeling high on life just because we are alive without constantly trying to optimize the experience? Sometimes the most profound integration looks very ordinary. Life can feel calm, steady, easy, abundant. You can feel like you do not have to be constantly searching and manifesting and doing the energy work or fixing or healing. Can you get high on what it feels like to just be. Which ironically can feel unfamiliar after years of inner work or self-help and self-development and

When Calm Triggers Escape

8:19

healing and therapy because we are used to looking for the next thing to improve or fix or heal. Can we practice allowing life to. Be just a little bit more easier, a little lighter, a little bit more joyful. What if we can get high on life, high on connection, high on feeling like ourselves, high on feeling at home and who we are without needing to escape ourselves to get there. That is a huge one for me. When things are too good or too settled or I don't have anything to do, I turn to escape, which then I may get high. Or drink a little glass of wine. Ugh. Baby steps. Baby steps, baby steps. But healing is for living. Healing is to increase our ability for growth, for love, for reflection, for community, for joy, did I say? And can we build all of that into our life moment to moment? And can we get high? I'll stop saying it. It's cheesy, isn't it? But can we get high on being human and know that being human is messy and it's confusing and it's also beautiful and complicated and funny and honest. Being human is meant to be celebrated, to feel it, to live it, to laugh at it, to laugh at yourself, to participate in it, because the most awakened version of you is not somewhere else. It's here. It's who you are

A Love Letter To Who You Are

10:16

today. And can you love that? I love that. I love who you are today, just in case you need to hear it. Listen, receive. Right. Allow yourself to receive this. I fucking love who you are today. Look at you. I am so proud of you. I am so proud of you. I love all of the gifts that you share. I love how you navigate the world. I love that you're trying new things. I love that you can be a little scared. I love that you have self-doubt and I love that you are overcoming it, and I love that you are doing it anyways. I love that you follow your heart. I love that you are constantly digging for deeper connection and creativity and joy and understanding. I love you and I love you in human form. It's kind

Closing And The Magic Is You

11:12

of fun. So yes, get high today. Maybe get high on being alive. Being connected, feeling like yourself. Maybe get high and do a little dance just because you can, and maybe get high today just so you can feel alive. Still growing, still learning, still becoming more of yourself and honestly being fully yourself might be the highest state there is. Thank you for being here. Happy four 20, y'all. The magic is you. Till next time.