The Surgery God Stopped, Losing a Husband, and Peace Beyond Understanding

Both of them knew something was wrong, but neither could name it. The surgery was scheduled. The doctors were ready. But there was no peace.

The morning of the operation, a blood clot sent David to the ER instead of the operating table. The surgeon came to their room and told them he would have lost David in surgery. That was the answer: the missing peace was God saying no.

This week on Midweek Motivation, Jess sits down with Rita, a long-time Westside member who walked through her husband's cancer diagnosis, years of treatment, full-time caregiving, and ultimately David's passing earlier this year. Rita shares how Philippians 4 became the anchor she carried into every doctor's appointment, every scan result, and every hard day, and how peace became something she could access even when the world said she shouldn't be okay.

Scriptures referenced: Philippians 4:4-9, Matthew 6:25-34, Psalm 139

This conversation ties into Pastor Ken's weekend message on peace at Westside Community Church.

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_06 0:00

Come to find out a little later, is the morning he was planned to have surgery, he actually got a blood clot in his lung and had to go to ER because he had a blood clot in his lung, and needless to say, didn't have the surgery, totally freaked out the surgeon. Um he came and visited us right away, which was unusual, um, because he had expressed reluctantly that he would have probably lost David on the table.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Welcome to the Midweek Motivation Podcast, where we bring practical help for your faith and life. Here's today's episode.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

Hey guys, welcome to this week's Midweek Motivation. Today we are talking about peace. And um, I've got my friend Rita here who uh Rita, I just I uh wanted to tap you in on this conversation because uh we've had so many conversations about some crazy experiences that you've had in your life that for me would probably spin me out a little bit.

SPEAKER_06 1:03

Spin me a little too.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Yeah. Um but you've uh you seem to have found this piece that we talked about a little bit this weekend. And so I just would love to hear a little bit um about your take on this idea of peace. But first, for anybody who has not met you before, can you share a little bit about yourself? Yes.

SPEAKER_06 1:28

Um my name is Rita, and I usually the first thing I want people to know about me is that I am a follower of Jesus Christ. Yeah, I'm his disciple, that's who I am, and um that's really what I like people to know. Been with Westside for uh it'll be 10 years, this Labor Day weekend, which is pretty crazy. And uh it's it's been a wild ride since I got to Oregon from Colorado.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Awesome. Okay, well, so just to to kick us off in conversation a little, we're talking about peace. And um this weekend Pastor Ken taught on it, and uh we really we kind of identified that peace is uh something that we're we strive for, we look for, and there is a a peace that goes beyond, I think, from my personal experience, what we've uh become accustomed to or what we chase after in the world. Can you speak a little bit about that? Like, have you ever had experiences where you've s like looked for peace and just couldn't find it?

SPEAKER_06 2:40

Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. The um first thing that came to mind when you invited me to do this um was when my husband was diagnosed with cancer. It was quite a while back, and um he he got diagnosed, nobody wants to hear the C word in a doctor's office, either with your over you or your loved one. And so we went through all of the all of the things, the stats, the numbers, the age, all the stuff, and treatment. And so we decided um the the conventional wisdom was removal of the prostate. And so um we made that decision, and both of us um just couldn't, we were feeling like something was missing, like there was some piece that was missing, and we didn't know what it was. And I remember having a conversation with David when he said, you know, the cancer doesn't scare me. He said the surgery does. Come to find out a role later, is the morning he was planned to have surgery, he actually got a blood clot in his lung and had to go to ER because he had a blood clot in his lung, and needless to say, didn't have the surgery, totally freaked out the surgeon. Um, he came and visited us right away, which was unusual, um, because he had expressed reluctantly that he would have probably lost David on the table.

SPEAKER_04 4:13

Wow.

SPEAKER_06 4:14

So when we when we heard that, my my first thought was that's the peace that was missing, because we both didn't have peace about the surgery. Yeah. And but we just couldn't figure out like what was missing, and it was the peace as soon as they said that.

SPEAKER_05 4:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_06 4:35

So yeah, so that was pretty wild. So that was probably the first time I got real attention on on peace, God's guidance, and um go from there.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

Well, that's pretty incredible because that's like that's a living in a life where so had it you've experienced God's peace before that? Yeah, yeah. So that's a that's like a disruption of the peace almost. Right, right. Yeah, right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 5:06

It was very much a disruption of the peace. And so beyond that, um, just continuing in that in that vein of that of that story, um, we changed treatment, went to um a different kind of treatment, went through that, and then there was this always this follow-up of, you know, two months, check the numbers, three months, check the numbers, six months, check the numbers, all of that. And then one day I just decided, you know what? I am not gonna live from test to test to test.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 5:39

And that was probably the first time it's like, okay, that's a decision. And um I reflected back on to Matthew, actually, Matthew 6, 25 through 34, is to not do not worry about your life, or what you wear, what you eat, and and all of that. And that was a scripture that I initially held on to to just not worry. And to and to, you know, to find the peace and not worrying. And God knew I was a warrior because that was one of the first scriptures I got after I became a believer, is do not worry about your life. And life is a pretty big word.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Yes, it is. All encompassing, right?

SPEAKER_06 6:22

All-encompassing.

SPEAKER_02 6:23

Wow. Okay. Well, so it's interesting that uh that David was able to say, you know, the cancer doesn't worry me, and but there was a disruption in that the that specific situation. But what I notice about your story is that that you start with peace, right? Yes. And so there's a kind of peace that we can find that's really just kind of all-encompassing that is disrupted when we're walking into something that that God's like, mm-hmm, I want to uh protect you from something or I want to move you away from a certain direction. What about those who are searching for just the baseline piece that we're talking about in life with Jesus? You know, because I remember when uh when I had was in a phase of life where I was walking away from from Jesus in general and was trying to create my own peace, you know what I mean? And strive for it. Do you can you relate to that?

SPEAKER_06 7:24

Do you have like well I think the striving the striving for it in the relation to like the diagnosis and all of that? I was striving for peace and all the knowledge I had from the world.

SPEAKER_02 7:34

Ah, okay.

SPEAKER_06 7:36

And so um that was not, you know, just not not to be found.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

You're not gonna find it there. Yeah. So that was when you made the decision to stop worrying about it. Okay.

unknown 7:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 7:48

And to step in, and to step into peace.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

Wow. So everything just kind of shifted. What what brought you to that place where you were able to where you where you were able to recognize that that was what you were doing and how you could shift. So rephrase that. So uh uh when I find myself in those situations where I'm just trying to control, I've actually just went through a season like this myself. Okay, where um I'm just worried about something that's coming in the future. And I so I'm trying to dive into all of the like for me, it was financial stuff in retirement. Like crunch all the numbers, do all the calculations, check everything every day obsessively. And I did also get to a point where I'm like, you know, for me it was the experience that that uh I had done all this planning and God had provided, but it was in a way that was completely different than what I was trying to manufacture. And so I was like, all right, God, you got this. What was that for you?

SPEAKER_06 8:52

Well, I I think for me it was just rem remembering that peace was a promise.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

Awesome, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 9:00

And um, and but also and it starts with prayer.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 9:04

It starts with a prayer. Yeah. And many times my prayers are in the promises of God.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

Awesome.

SPEAKER_06 9:13

So uh it really does start with with knowing it's a promise. Yeah. And then going to prayer, where in God's word does it does does it say that he gives us peace? You know, starting with Jesus, Prince of Peace. Yeah. The Holy Spirit, you know, the comforter brings us peace. Yeah, bring it all in, you know, bring it on, bring it all in. And so it is really with yeah, with the word of God and where that is. So that's what just go into scripture.

SPEAKER_02 9:43

Yeah. Do you have uh favorite scripture? I mean, you've you mentioned, was it Mark or Matthew?

SPEAKER_06 9:51

Well, Matthew was the first one that I kind of held on to, which was Matthew 6, 25, 34, which I don't have right in front of me. Which is, you know, don't worry about your life. Yeah. Paraphrase, don't worry about your life, what you wear, what you eat, the lilies of the field, you know, they neither spin nor toil, but God takes care of them. Um so if you spot that, I don't know if you're still that's kind of where I started with in my peace journey. And then um from there, truly the big one and the one that's been with me for for years now, um, especially through David's um illness, and then ultimately he did he did pass this year, is um in Philippians, um, Philippians four, and starting actually a lot of people usually go with um Philippians four starting at six, verse six, but I always notice in scripture that um there's like an introduction, kind of a frame, introduction, and then a conclusion. Okay. So going back to the Philippians 4, 4, it states, um, rejoice in the Lord always.

SPEAKER_02 11:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 11:15

And I will say it again, rejoice. So we said it twice, so it really means that rejoice.

SPEAKER_04 11:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 11:20

And that kind of sets it up. And then um, with that, let your gentleness be evident to all. But this is one that always really jumps out at me. It says, the Lord is near.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 11:36

What more can you ask? Yeah. The Lord is near, and then it continues: the Lord is near, do not be anxious about anything. And anything's a really big word. But in everything, another big word, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, which is also huge too, because there's so much is like you shouldn't be at peace with this because you know, the things that are going on. Um, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. That is one big promise. Yeah. Okay. So it's just like read that, stay with that, yeah, and you're good.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

Yeah, yeah. That's one of my favorite scriptures also. Um, if you uh if you go down even further in that scripture, it tells you like application-wise, what to focus on instead. Right. Which is uh which is a beautiful next step help to me. It's one of the scriptures that I've got up like on all over the place.

SPEAKER_06 12:51

Right, right. And it's the presence of the presence of the God of peace. And it does say, finally, brothers, so another kind of wrapping it up, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable. If anything is excellent or worthy, think about such things. And then he just reminds us whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me, put it into practice, and the God of peace will be with you. That's a lot.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

That is a lot.

SPEAKER_06 13:27

That's a lot of peace.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

I'm thinking through as I'm listening to you read that scripture. I'm gonna pull it up on my thing too, so it's gonna take me a second. But um, I think there's something special in the way that Jesus connects that Paul actually, I think, is the author of Philippians, right? That he uh that he points out in that scripture as we walk through it. Um let me look at it again here so that I'm reminded of what I was thinking. Four or six is where you started. Don't worry about anything instead of pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Um, when you were talking through that, I was thinking just through my own journey. And when I uh when I came back to Jesus after years and years of being away and just making terrible decisions, Psalm 139 was peace for me.

SPEAKER_06 14:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

And when you read through that scripture, it talks about the presence of God and all he is for us, and that nothing can separate us and uh like just how well he knows who I am and still loves me. And for me, that's where um the where I found lack of peace. And I love that we can go into scripture and we can dive into God's words to us, his love letter, and he will meet us exactly where we are experiencing a lack of peace, and he will fill that gap and and meet us in that space. So that's pretty special.

SPEAKER_06 15:00

It is, it's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

Yeah, yeah. Um, if uh like from your experience, I like how do we get to a place like Pastor Ken talked about a couple of things. He talked about peace being a person, he talked about peace being a presence. You've got your notes. I do. I don't have all of the things that he said there. But um what do you where do you think the struggle is for us, like crossing that line and grabbing hold of the peace, uh of that kind of peace versus the kind of peace that maybe the world offers?

SPEAKER_06 15:37

That's a really good question. Probably desperation.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 15:42

That'll do it. Yeah, it will, huh? Well, you've just done done all the stuff and um and you just lean into those promises and you take them for real. Not something that you read about read about. It's it's almost even how do I want to say it? It's not it's almost it just comes the integral part of you. And I think part of that is is from you know, getting to a point like of desperation.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

Yeah. That that tracks for me. Okay. Yeah. That was my situation.

SPEAKER_06 16:26

You know, to say. And to um just continually go back to those. And I guess I'm repeating myself in that, but it's so real. Well, that's to go back to the promises, yeah, you know, and and when he repeats something or repeats something, you know, in different ways in different parts of the Bible. Yeah. It's um huh. And I think it's walking, walking through enough life that you reflect back and say, Oh, give me peace. Give me peace. Give me peace. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah, you can give me peace.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

That's right.

SPEAKER_06 17:04

And I had I had a I had an opportunity on Friday when I was driving to um get um get my car checked, oil changed, and stuff checked out on it because I had um my engine started steaming as I pulled into the garage the night before. And I'm like, oh, okay, I'll, you know, take it down and have the the oil change, need the oil change, have them check all the things. If there's a leak or whatever, we'll do that. Well, I'll on the long story short, I had to pull over like every like, I don't know, it seemed like less than a quarter of a mile because it kept overheating. So I pulled over, like at the post office, had the hood up, it was cooling down. Everybody just like walked by. I'm like, okay, not gonna help here, but that's okay. So I was driving and it's like, oh, pull over at AutoZone. And I'm like, well, I could make it to just pull over to AutoZone. So I pulled over to the AutoZone. It was steaming and doing all the stuff. An old guy walked by that was an employee, clearly. Nothing. So I walked in and and I was there was no one really around, and if they were, they were not paying any attention. So I just walked out, back out, and I said, Well, God, I guess it's just you and me because nobody's gonna give me any help. And then it was kind of this funny aha moment. Oh, I'm getting an opportunity for application of peace. And then it's like, oh, I remember Philippians 4 and 4, 6 through, you know, through the end. And um, it was really kind of funny because it was like, oh yeah, peace. Yeah. And it starts with prayer. So I'm gonna, you know, read I'm gonna say that scripture, had it memorized, so I was able to say it, and then off we went. Yeah. And even though I was still making the phone calls and making the phone calls and not getting and setting, doing all this stuff, there was just this this calm peace. I knew that I was fine. I knew it was all gonna be taken care of, and I just carried that peace all day. So, um, so I I think it is just that uh walking in it, continuing, reflecting back, when did he do it again? And then I had an opportunity that next morning, or I woke up and I was just feeling like a really sad day. And I was like, I started feeling anxious about oh, I have to I'm going through a sad day. And then it was like, uh oh. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything in prayer, you know, an application, make a request known to God. And so it didn't mean that I didn't have a sad day. It meant that and God's I believe God, the Spirit of God said, You have a sad day, but you do it with peace because I'm with you.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

That's incredible.

SPEAKER_06 19:53

And so I had a sad day, but there was this underlying peace. And I'm like, wow, so now I have two uh recent applications to bring to the conversation. So it is, you know, it's a it's a journey of learning and then learning at at at um deeper levels, yeah, if you will, from steam coming out of your car, having a sad day, diagnosis of cancer. And then um I was able to draw on those things as as David got increasingly um ill um and sicker. And um I remember we would when we would go to our doctor's appointments, and I was ultimately had the driver, and so all the way up to the Veterans Hospital, I would just pull out Philippians four, starting with four, rejoice in the Lord. Um He's near, do not be anxious, and then we go into this great Thanksgiving. It's like, thank you, God, for the good report, thank you, God, for the wonderful doctors that you're setting us, thank you, God, that we get after all of this rain, we get this beautiful day to have this beautiful drive up to the hospital, and and that was our anchor. Yeah, so no matter what, you know, whatever the doctor was saying, looking at the scans, seeing all of the they call them hot spots, you know, the hot spots. We both just had this this peace. Yeah, and it is beyond understanding. Yeah, even um the doctors would be there, his oncologists would be like, You guys okay? Oh yeah, we're we're good. You know, we have peace. Um, because it is beyond understanding. Yeah, even when you're going through it. And as I continued on into caregiving, um at a very um hands on, deep, you know, level of taking care of everything, it was um it was even surprising to me because I would be like doing all this stuff, administering the medical. And talking to the doctors and going through all that stuff. And then I remember one day walking down the hall and it's like, it really is, you know, peace that is beyond understanding because I'm in it and I feel this peace. And it's like, even I can't even understand it as I'm going.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 22:19

Because it's so real.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 22:21

And I really am at peace. And then a couple of times I'm like, am I like in denial?

SPEAKER_05 22:27

Am I missing something here?

SPEAKER_06 22:30

Check myself. It's like, you know, this is, you know, this is my husband, and and uh the Lord could very well be calling him home. And that is when that really clicked in, it's like, it is a peace that is beyond understanding because it's, you know, the world doesn't give. You know, he gives, he doesn't give to us as the world gives.

SPEAKER_02 22:52

Yeah. He I was when I was sitting in in service, I was thinking about the differences between the peace of the world and the peace that God gives.

SPEAKER_06 23:00

There's no peace from the world.

SPEAKER_02 23:01

Well, no. I mean, if from well, from my own personal experience, anytime I've tried in a worldly way to obtain peace, it's always been a striving on my part. Whereas I think it's really interesting, and I don't know that this is everybody's experience, but I think it's really interesting that you gotta maybe get to a point of desperation to receive that peace. And while I know that when we receive Jesus and we decide to follow him, his presence is with us and the Holy Spirit is there, and that peace is accessible to us. But maybe getting to that point of desperation just from my own story, and it sounds like from yours, that you're you have reached the end of your own understanding. And so there is absolutely nothing available in that bucket. You have to move past it in order to receive God's peace. And I don't know if that's everybody's story, but it seems like there's some there's something to it, you know.

SPEAKER_06 23:58

There's a th there's a thread. Yeah. When you talk to people about, you know, going through really difficult times. And people say, you know, it's like kind of like, are you not getting this? And then I'm yeah. But I have the peace of Jesus. Yeah. I have the presence of God. Yeah. I have the Holy Spirit within me.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

Yeah. That's that first experience of what that peace can actually feel like and do. And and and then once you experience it, then you have that to draw back on every time. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:28

So it started, you know, like I said, it started small and just kept you know, happening over decades of practice. Of practice. And some of it is practice, and being reminded. You know, whether you're sitting in the auto zone parking lot or in the oncology office. Yeah. Yeah. You know, to say remember. And I was also reminded, and this is I don't I think this is still, you know, part of the conversation. I was also reminded of the value of memorization.

SPEAKER_02 25:01

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_06 25:02

So I could pull on that. Yep. Like boom.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

Mm-hmm. Agreed.

SPEAKER_06 25:07

Right away.

SPEAKER_02 25:08

Yeah. The more the scripture is hidden away in your heart and in your mind, the easier it is for the Holy Spirit to to give you a little a little nudge and remind you of the promises and and the course correction and all that. So yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_06 25:24

And it wasn't, it wasn't, you know, like grit your teeth and put it on a three by five card and and all of that. It was re repeating it, experiencing it, and um having it just part of you.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

Yeah. Yeah. There's a difference between just trying to bank something in your brain and actually experiencing it, like that word. Yeah. Experiencing it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 25:47

And God will give you that experience without doubt. It's a promise.

SPEAKER_02 25:51

Yep. That's amazing. I love it. Well, if you had any uh final encouragement for anybody, or is there anything else that you wanted to share with people who might be in search of this thing that feels elusive if you've never experienced it?

SPEAKER_06 26:07

Yeah, yeah. No, that no, that's really good. Um, let me kind of think on that just for a second. And I did was listening to um a teacher uh this um this morning and um Tyler Staten from Bridgetown Church. And um I hadn't listened to him for a while, and his his topic was was faith. And I'm like, okay, well, I'll take this however long, you know, hour of my day to listen to listen to this, but I wasn't quite, I'm sure, like, why am I doing listening to faith? Because, you know, I'm preparing for today, praying about it, and that. And then within that topic of him speaking about faith and teaching about faith, there's this golden nugget.

SPEAKER_02 27:01

I love it when that happens. I know. I had it too.

SPEAKER_06 27:04

I was like, woo-hoo. So, um, so to nutshow what he said, he was talking about um just who God is, God is creator, from his creation to who you are, to how you see other people, um, and seeing everything from his perspective. And when you start looking at it from God's perspective, it is a whole, it's a whole different thing.

SPEAKER_02 27:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 27:34

And so what he said was, he after he was talking about that, he said, well, then I guess I can be, can in fact, know the peace that perpa surpasses this world's understanding. Because because of course I'm taking my cues from another world. And it was like, yeah, that's it. Because I'm taking my cues from another world.

SPEAKER_02 28:03

Yeah. It's beyond our understanding because it's God's. It's under Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 28:08

And we're not taking it from the world. It's not the cues from the world is you know, peace, no peace, no peace, no peace.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

Yeah. Try and work for peace. That's not peaceful.

SPEAKER_06 28:18

And um, yeah. So knowing all of that, we know the peace that surpasses this world's.

SPEAKER_02 28:27

Yeah, that's good stuff. Well, thank you for being willing to be vulnerable and share your experiences. Um, I think that you've got a lot of wisdom, and uh I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_06 28:39

Okay, thanks for having me, Jess.

SPEAKER_02 28:41

Yeah. All right, guys, we'll catch you on the next week's Midweek Motivation.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Midweek Motivation. To make sure you don't miss any content in the future, please subscribe, share, and if you enjoyed this, give us a like and consider popping by a Westside service some weekend. You can find out more at Westside Community Church.com.