Reclaiming

Transcript

Invitation to Remember Yourself

Speaker 1 0:00

You're listening to my Chic Intuition , a podcast for women who move like poetry , speak like ritual and choose presence over performance . I'm Carmen , and this is not just conversation , it's remembrance , it's return , it's a soft unveiling of everything you buried to survive . Here we don't rush , we don't beg to be seen and we speak to wake something up in you . Now breathe and come home to yourself . If you're listening to this in your room or your car or your shower , I want you to ask yourself something who did I become to be accepted and what did it cost me ? And now ask yourself , what would it feel like to come home to me again ? In the next part of this episode , we shift . I'll show you how to start reclaiming the woman you left behind and how to begin again as art . Stay with me ,

Breaking Through the Performance Mask

Speaker 1 0:58

okay . Now let me tell you the real story , because I used to be the queen of looking put together and feeling like an emotional drive through on the inside , like , yeah , I had the slick back bun , the skin was glowing lashes on , but the way my soul was disconnected . Girl , I was running on caffeine , contouring confusion . There is this one time I'll never forget it . I had just finished filming a . Get ready with me for a brand . The lighting was cute , the vibes were vibing and as soon as I hit stop recording , I sat on my bed and I just started . Not cried , I didn't journal , I just started like I couldn't even remember why I started filming in the first place . It was in that silence that I realized damn , I'm putting all this effort into being seen and I don't even see myself . That one hurt . But it cracked something open . That was the beginning of the shift . I stopped filming , get readies with me to impress people and started getting ready like I was meeting God or at the very least , meeting the version of me . I kept avoiding Okay , can we talk about how many times I've gotten ready for a man who didn't even know how to spell my name right in his phone ? Like , be honest , have you ever done your makeup for someone who gave maybe energy ? Because I have , and not just once . All right , so I remember this one time .

Speaker 1 2:25

This man I used to see let's call him whatever the fuck . I already knew what it was . He hit me up late . I know very cliche . He was vague about plans , fucking awful , and I he would just make me question myself , but I still got cute , I still put on the lashes and I still sprayed the good perfume For what ? So he could maybe

Getting Ready for Disappointment

Speaker 1 2:51

act right for three hours and disappear again . And the thing is it's not about him , it's about me thinking I had to prove I was worth choosing . I remember standing in the mirror like if I just do this right , if I look the version of me , he imagines maybe he'll finally act right . But , girl , he wasn't confused , he just wasn't capable and I say this now with love and healed skin .

Speaker 1 3:21

But I really used to get dressed for disappointment . It's not even the man , it's a version of me who thought love had to be earned , who thought effort meant value , who thought proximity to him would fix the ache in me . Now I don't get ready for no man . I get ready to remind myself I'm already the one . Whether he texts back or not , whether he watches my story or not , whether I get walked out on again or not , I don't dress to be chosen anymore . I dress because I already chose me . And don't get me wrong . I still want to look good when I walk into the room . I still want the slow blink , the double take , the who is she ? But it's not for a man . It's for the moment , the moment I walk in and remember damn , I almost forgot I was that girl like let's actually sit with that for a second .

Speaker 1 4:13

How many times have we convinced ourselves that looking good was gonna fix the way we felt , that if our hair was laid and our outfit was giving , somehow we'd forget that we were dealing with a man who only sees us when it's convenient ? I'm sorry , but at some point it's like why am I putting more effort into showing up than he is ? And I don't just mean effort like lashes and liner , I mean energy . Why am I overthinking the caption while he's

Awareness Over Performance

Speaker 1 4:39

not even thinking about me ? Why am I choosing perfume while he's choosing silence ? And we start telling ourselves no , it's just self-care , it's for me . But deep down we know it's not . It's for a reaction , it's to feel in control , it's to cover the fact that we're low-key , spiraling and don't want to face it . I've done it and I'm not judging you if you've done it too . I'm just saying let's not lie to ourselves about it anymore , because pretending you're just doing you when you're really trying to distract yourself from being disappointed again , that's not healing , that's survival loop .

Speaker 1 5:24

And this isn't even about men at this point . This is about how many times we abandon ourselves and call it empowerment , like , nah , I'm not empowered when I'm performing calm while my heart is breaking , I'm just emotionally exhausted . So when I say get ready with me is now a ritual , I mean that shit . I'm not painting over pain anymore . I'm preparing to meet the version of me that doesn't chase , doesn't explain , doesn't settle . I'm not doing it for the story , I'm doing it for the version of me that almost forgot she was sacred . So if you're listening right now and you're getting ready , ask yourself is this for real or is this for approval ? And whatever the answer is , just be honest about it , because awareness is power . You don't have to shame yourself , you just have to see yourself .

Speaker 1 6:19

The energy we pour into getting ready should feel like love , not like proof , not like pick me , not like please choose me . Just , I already here , I already chose me and if you feel it cool , okay , let me say something real , real quick , and I want you to actually hear me . Half the time we're getting ready , not just you , all of us . We're not doing it because we feel good , we're doing it to feel better . And there's a difference Like , yeah , we say it's self-care , but deep down we're anxious , we're overthinking , we're spiraling about somebody trying to control how we feel by controlling how we look .

Speaker 1 7:04

And what that actually is on a psychological

From Routine to Nervous System Regulation

Speaker 1 7:07

level is your nervous system trying to get back to safety . Your brain's like I feel like shit , but maybe if I look good , I'll feel okay . That's not confidence , that's coping . It's literally your body trying to regulate itself through routine . And if you're disconnected while doing it , if you're brushing your hair or blending your makeup but you're not even there , that's dissociation . That's your brain checking out because it's overwhelmed . You're not grounded , you're just going through the motion . And , girl , I've done it too . So I'm not judging , I'm just saying let's call it what it is .

Speaker 1 7:47

It's not always empowerment , sometimes it's emotional survival . But here's the shift when you slow it down , when you do it for you , not for the reaction , it actually becomes healing . You start regulating your nervous system on purpose . That's when it turns from a routine into a ritual Like instead of being like let me throw this on real quick so he watches my story you're like let me get ready , like I'm choosing me today , like I'm meeting my future self . That's the shift , that's the regulation , that's the reprogramming . So you're not just putting on mascara , you're telling your nervous system we're safe now . We're not chasing today , we're not performing today . We're rooted , and when you move from that place you start to feel peace . You don't need the attention , you're not begging to be chosen , because you already chose yourself in the mirror .

Speaker 1 8:51

So , yeah , if you're getting ready today , take your time . Don't rush the mirror , don't rush your energy . You don't owe beauty to anyone . You don't owe performance to anyone . If you get ready , let it be for the version of you who almost forgot she was divine , because you're not here to be consumed . You're here to be connected , and the first connection it's with yourself .

Speaker 1 9:19

Your ritual doesn't have to be dramatic . It can be quiet . It can be lighting a candle , sipping your coffee , standing in the mirror and saying I'm not chasing today , I'm already enough . That's how you regulate , that's how you come home . So if this hits you today , good , let it . Don't just nod . Do something different tomorrow . Move slower , speak softer , get ready like you're meeting the version of you who saves your life . We're not abandoning ourselves anymore , not in the mirror , not in our rituals , not for anybody ,

Becoming Your Own Sacred Ritual

Speaker 1 9:54

ever again . So yeah , this isn't just about makeup or outfits , or get readies with me . This is about intention , and the next time you stand in front of that mirror , I want you to remember . You're not getting ready to be seen , you're getting ready to be remembered , because this is my chief intuition A coded map to who I am . Follow my journey and hopefully you find a piece of yourself too . Thank you , so Thank you . Thank you , bye .