Embrace

Carmen explores the powerful journey of embracing authenticity over performance and confronts the psychological concept of self-abandonment. She shares personal stories about moments when she realized she was performing a palatable version of herself rather than showing up authentically.

• Reflecting on moments of performance versus authenticity in social situations
• Examining a date where Carmen realized she was presenting a digestible version of herself
• Understanding self-abandonment as disconnecting from your truth to maintain connections with others
• Recognizing how women, especially women of color, are taught that being agreeable is survival
• Exploring the emotional costs of self-abandonment: resentment, burnout, and identity confusion
• Learning to stay present with yourself by asking if what you're saying is true or just safe
• Journal prompt: When was the last time you betrayed yourself to be chosen, approved, or understood?
• Reminder that your wholeness is not too much and your depth isn't a problem to solve

Transcript

Embracing All Parts of Yourself

Speaker 1 0:00

Hi everyone , welcome back to my Chic Intuition . I'm Carmen , and today we're diving into the art of embracing every part of ourselves , not just the polished parts we pose , but the messy , the healing , the becoming , because the truth is . Your softness , your scars , your silence , they all tell a story worth hearing . And when you finally stop editing yourself to be palatable , you begin to taste your own power . This episode is your permission slip to embrace the parts of you the world told you to dim . The real shift isn't becoming someone new , it's remembering who you were before the world got loud . I remember this one time . It was a moment , it was stupid , it was small , but it stuck . I was standing in a room full of people that were all talking , all performing , and I realized I wasn't really there . I was curating myself , smiling at the right moment , nodding like I cared , but inside I was somewhere else , watching , waiting for someone to notice I wasn't actually being me . It wasn't even about the people I've been around louder energy before and it wasn't about how quiet I felt around them , or like my real self didn't belong in that room . And the worst part for for me , no one noticed a difference because I've gotten so good

The Performance Awakening

Speaker 1 1:28

at performing . That's the part that haunted me , honestly , because I did myself so much that it was so believable that I could disappear in just plain sight . And there were me , it would make no difference whatsoever . And people who still call me confident , and inside of me I was like no , I don't like to be composed . Or I was just starving for depth and for truth and someone to see me without having to over explain , like they can just look at me and say you know , I know this isn't you . I used to think being mysterious meant being unreadable , but really I was just hiding , not from them but for my , from myself , from the parts of me that felt too tender , too opinionated , too brown , too loud , too much . The irony is those are the parts that made me magnetic and , honestly , it's been years trying to be the right amount of everything approachable but not too familiar , ambitious but not too threatening , beautiful but not trying too hard , and all it was a blur to me Until one day I caught my own reflection and didn't recognize who I'd been performing .

Speaker 1 2:48

I remember being on this date . It wasn't a bad one , it was just very performative . He was talking and I was doing that thing I do smiling , asking the right follow-up , playing it cool , and somewhere between his third fun fact and whatever basic rooftop bar cocktail he ordered . I just zoned out , I wasn't doing it in a rude way , I just fully floated above it Like , is this who I'm being chosen as , this digestible version of me , the one who doesn't interrupt , doesn't challenge , doesn't take up too much space . And the wild part is is he thought the date went amazing , told me I was so easy to talk to . But I walked home angry , not at him , at me , for serving the version of myself

The Date That Changed Everything

Speaker 1 3:36

. I swore I'd never be again the one who knows how to be liked in a room but not loved in truth . And that was my aha moment because I was like what am I doing with myself ? Why am I being digestible ? And I was honestly bored out of my mind , I think , at his first one fact . I was like , okay , let me wrap this shit up . But I couldn't even wrap it up . I was like , oh my God , I'm still here . Why am I not ? I'm being absent to myself ? I was literally like , oh my God , like what am I doing ? But you know we jump into these situations and then we figure out is this really what we want out of a relationship ? Do we want a person to be like oh my God , I love that part of you where you know you didn't really say much and that's not what I'm looking for . So what was that moment really ?

Speaker 1 4:35

Psychology

Understanding Self-Abandonment

Speaker 1 4:36

it's called self-abandonment . It's when you disconnect from your own needs , emotions or truth to maintain connection with others . You trade authenticity for acceptance . And the wild part it's usually unconscious , especially for women , especially for women , especially for women of color . We've been taught that being agreeable , pleasant , accommodating is survival . But over time it comes with a cause resentment , emotional burnout , even identity confusion . You start feeling numb in rooms you used to love . You overthink every interaction . You wonder did they like me or just a version I knew would make them comfortable ?

Speaker 1 5:15

Doing better doesn't mean becoming confrontational or cold . It means learning to stay with yourself , even in real time . It's asking is what I'm saying true or just safe ? It's letting silence sit instead of rushing to fill it . It's allowing discomfort instead of shrinking for peace . That isn't real . How many times have you shape shifted in a conversation just to be more digestible ? How often do you water yourself down and call it peace ? How much of what they love about you isn't actually you . That's not judgment , that's an invitation . If this stirred something in you , grab a journal or just sit with this question quietly when was the last time I betrayed myself just to be chosen , approved or understood

An Invitation to Authenticity

Speaker 1 6:05

? And what would it look like to stay with myself next time instead ? You don't need to fix it all today . Just name it , witness it , and that's how it starts . If no one's told you lately , your wholeness is not too much , your depth isn't a problem to solve , and the people who really see you won't need the watered down version .

Speaker 1 6:30

This episode of my Chic Intuition wasn't just a story , it was a mirror , and if you saw yourself in it even a little , you're not alone . You're just waking up . This was for my frequencies , the ones decoding the signal , not just consuming the sound . I'll see you in the next transmission . © BF-WATCH TV 2021

Final Reflections

Speaker 1 7:26

. We'll be right back . I was all ashamed of myself . I've been a sinner , and this is another story . Tell me , oh man , please tell me , what's okay , what's okay , what's okay , thank you . © BF-WATCH TV 2021 . Thank you .