Another Mans Shoes
Interviews with fellow military veterans and adventurers about their experiences of war, the lows and times of hardship, joining them on their journey and how this has shaped their lives in the most extraordinary way. Comedy moments, dark humour and witty banter.
Another Mans Shoes
From Battlefield to Breakthrough: Steve Beedie's Journey of Resilience and Healing
Reuniting with my old military friend Steve Beedie after over a decade was like stepping back into a world that shaped who we are today. Through our conversation, Steve takes us through his early years in Banff, Scotland, where life's challenges fuelled his determination to succeed. We share stories that highlight the profound camaraderie among soldiers—a bond that often outlasts many civilian connections. Our discussion is a heartfelt reflection on the resilience and strength that military life instills and sets the stage for exploring Steve's incredible journey from hardship to personal triumph.
The reality of war and its lasting impact on soldiers is a poignant theme in our dialogue. Steve and I recall the brutal experiences of young soldiers during missions like the one in Kosovo, grappling with the ethical dilemmas and shock of witnessing unimaginable atrocities. We delve into the silent suffering many veterans endure, touching on personal stories of trauma and the critical need for better mental health support. Together, we shed light on the often ignored challenges of transitioning to civilian life and emphasize the importance of breaking the stigma surrounding PTSD.
Yet, amid adversity, there is a journey toward purpose and healing. Steve's story of finding meaning after military service is inspiring, transitioning from a successful career in the oil and gas industry to becoming a mental health advocate. From a transformative cycling trip to founding a clothing company, Steve illustrates the power of embracing life’s challenges and finding new paths to happiness. Our conversation highlights the therapeutic value of storytelling, physical fitness, and reconnecting with oneself and others in a fast-paced world, inviting listeners to explore their own avenues for resilience and joy.
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Welcome back to season one of Another Man's Shoes, and in this episode we've got Steve Beattie joining us. This is one that I recorded a couple of years ago and we're just re-editing it and putting it back out ahead of Steve joining us on season three. So grab a brew, put your feet up and enjoy this episode with Steve Beattie an absolute legend. This episode with Steve Beattie an absolute legend. Welcome to another episode of Another Man's Shoes. Delighted to have on a good friend of mine from back in my military days, Steve Beattie. We haven't seen each other for probably 13, 14 years. I think the last time I actually caught up with Steve was when we were in Iraq and we were kicking around in the sandbox. But, Steve, thanks very much for coming on tonight and really looking forward to hearing about your journey.
Speaker 2:It's an absolute pleasure. And do you know what, mate? It is crazy, right, how we haven't spoke to each other, not like this, for, like you're saying, 13 odd years, and it's just like instantly, you know.
Speaker 1:That's the good thing, isn't it? That banter, that camaraderie, and it's almost. We've been through stuff every soldier has. You've got so many shared life experiences and you've been together and you've done some really sort of crazy stuff that it doesn't matter if you've seen each other for a week, a month, ten years. You know that guy's always there, you can ring him up, you can just pick up where he left off and if you're in the shit, you you know you can rely on them more than probably a lot of your civvy mates who you haven't got a clue yeah, oh, I mean, like I love my civvy mates.
Speaker 2:You know, I've got, I've got a few that are like really close to that I grew up with. But even they know that, uh, that that fucking military bond, that that camaraderie, it's nothing comes close.
Speaker 1:No, it doesn't, and I think that's probably what a lot of us sort of yearn for. We've got that experience we keep talking about. Oh, do you remember when? Oh, do you remember when you did that? And you come out with your little war stories and you see if your mates are just looking at you and you know, the wife, wife, the kids, oh, here we go here's another story pull up a sandbag. But you know, I think that's what we're all about, you know, I think we. But maybe we'll just have to all set up our own little commune. Just we'll sit there and just sort of tell stories about how great we were.
Speaker 2:We probably weren't actually that good, but yeah, I think we totally fucking big up a little bit. It's the older I'm getting people ask stories I I'm like yeah, the older I get, the better I was yeah.
Speaker 2:What do you say now? Lads I sat with when I was in there when I was in Germany, and one of them got we still keep in touch, same as yourself. But he messaged me during lockdown and he said now I live in Western Supermarket and he's like Stevie mate. He says, yeah, what's up. He says go and move down here. And he was being serious, like go and just like up sticks and move down here. And I'm like fucking hell man. It's been like 15 plus years since I've seen these guys and they're like go and just move down.
Speaker 1:It's crazy. And you'd have moved down there and you know if it had all worked out, you'd have just carried on where you left off and it would have been crazy. Except you haven't got the $5 or 5 Deutschmark sort of crates of her for the pills to keep you going on a cold night.
Speaker 2:Go and get some stories, yeah.
Speaker 1:So obviously we're going to chat tonight about your journey and sort of live in your shoes, and I mean you've led a pretty sort of crazy in your shoes and I mean you've led a pretty uh sort of crazy from from where you've started to where you are now and I know you've had some some highs and you've had some some lows which sort of probably dictated the the last part of your life and um, so I think can we just start off where you're from, what your childhood was like, what your upbringing, and sort of go from there yeah, man, it's.
Speaker 2:Uh. It's funny getting asked this question because, uh, I look back on my life from my childhood. I'm from a little town called banff in the northeast of scotland. It's a, it's a fishing village. It's a very beautiful town. It is shrouded in history. There's so much history here and, um, it is where my heart is. I do love it here but, um, looking back, I've got so much trauma in my childhood, like phenomenal amount of trauma.
Speaker 2:Um, I grew up with a dad for 12 to 13 years didn't have any money. There was times when I remember one christmas mate with such a poor upbringing, um, that we didn't get anything for christmas once. And I look back at that with like, like a happy memory because it was one of the times in my life when I was young, when I thought I'm going to make it when I'm older. I'm not going to have this as my experience when I'm older and it taught me so much, you know, and that was like one of many can. A lack of things, a lack of like money, a lack of like resources and stuff, gave me a sort of early doors kind of view to figuring things out, no matter how the situation was like. For example, like all my friends and stuff, started to get bikes because their dads were either farming, fishing offshore or local tradesmen. Well, I didn't have that. I didn't have a dad, my mom couldn't afford it and uh, so like, just like a quick insight, like I didn't get a bike when everyone else did, and I remember thinking like fuck off, how come everyone else manages to get all this fucking stuff, and it's just a bike.
Speaker 2:So I was back in the day where you could go up to the local skips and salvage things. You know you can salvage stuff. So I went up there and I was like fucking in the fucking scrap heap. And the old guy says, what are you looking for, son? So I'm looking for a bank mate. And he's like, oh, we just got one in and he had this bike frame but it only had one wheel and one brake and the brake was fucked. So I says, right, take that brake off, I'll take the bike and I'll come up next week. So it took me like six weeks to build this bike, but it looked like a piece of shit, but it fucking worked. It worked, yeah, to this day. I remember that. I remember that feeling of putting this bike together and looking at it and going.
Speaker 2:I did that yeah, that satisfaction yeah, that satisfaction and as much as like. Nobody else will remember that because it's my story, but I remember looking back and thinking I've got what it takes to go and get what I want, even if it's not handed to. So, looking back at my childhood, I have a lot of trauma but, um, I've also got a lot of lessons that have kind of given me that insider edge to. You know, I was quite. I got picked on a lot at school, you know, because I came from a poor background and, um, all it did was just make me hungrier yeah, you think you sort of planted a seed in you and made you want to want something more, because I suppose you had to earn everything.
Speaker 2:It's not like someone's just giving it to you and put it on the plate man honestly, like it's funny because I'm proud of these moments of my life um, I've been writing about them a lot and I talk about them, um, now and again. But these very specific moments that are they're not big war stories, they're not big like this is a great, huge story that the world needs to hear. But I remember my mom was really struggling once and that was back when we had a coal fire and we had enough coal for two days but we had no food in the house and there was a loaf of bread and some milk and my mom had used it up. She'd made eggy bread, you know french toast, and then that was it. She wasn't getting money for a few days. Now, bless my mom, she wasn't very good with money management and that's okay, that's. She's not a bad mom, she just was struggling to keep things together.
Speaker 2:Anyway, anyway, I went and stole a bunch of fucking vegetables and stuff like that Potatoes, tatis, carrots, neeps, all that stuff from the plot where the old men used to make their plots. I went down there in the middle of the night and ransacked these fucking plots. My mum was in her bed. I was like nine, ten years old, because I didn't want. My mum was in her bed. I was like nine, ten years old, wow, because I didn't.
Speaker 2:I didn't want my mum struggling the next day of seeing her heart broken. And she came up in the morning and she's like what the fuck? And she just looked at me. I could see she had, she was hurt because she forced that situation on me. Um, but no matter what, I always found a way. Yeah and um, but no matter what, I always found a way. And that night, with a little loaf that we had left, I cooked toast on the fire for me and my sister, and I remember that with like genuine goodness. So when I see the world right now, me and you, we've been in war, we've done things. We, we had hard times, but those early years for me really fucking set me in stone. Like I can overcome anything.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's an experience that most people wouldn't have until a long time later, you know, into your sort of adulthood, and you're there, sort of pre-teen, having to sort of help your family. But there's something obviously in your brain it's obviously set sort of a little seed saying, right, I can do this. And you know, you've got your challenges early on and you've already started to sort of think right, how am I going to sort of deal with that? You know, what am I going to do to overcome this situation? And you know, you've gone out, you've gone to the local sort of yard and you've taken some vegetables and you supplied for your family and but you know it's the fondness because that's obviously brought you together, um, as a unit yeah, I mean, like you know, my mom uh, she doesn't like to talk about those years.
Speaker 2:My mom and I never really bring it up, but now and again it kind of props up and I just laugh. I'm like mom, like we got, we got through it. You know, it's all right and um, you know, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether you're super rich or you're just getting by or you're really on a bright line. If you care about one another, you'll fucking find a way absolutely, and that's what it's about, isn't it?
Speaker 1:it's those closest to you looking after each other. You know seeing when, when someone's down or when there's a problem, and you know if you can help in any way, you should do that. It doesn't matter if it's a hug, if it's giving some food, you know help, whatever it is. You know people should do that for the nearest and dearest, because it goes a long way yeah, 100, and I remember um a story about you.
Speaker 2:I don't know if you remember this, but I remember no stories when we were in, uh, when we were in octalic.
Speaker 2:One or two, but it might have been one one yeah yeah and uh, nobody had had a shower for a while, not really. And out of fucking nowhere you turn up with like 25 fucking solar showers and I remember thinking how the fuck did he get his hands on that? That you know, industrious bastards managed to get a hold of showers out in the middle of this shithole and you did it and I thought that's the way that'll be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there was a lot of smelly Americans so you sort of left obviously home in Banff. You left school. Any qualifications, did you sort of get GCSEs or anything like that.
Speaker 2:Funnily enough, man, right, it's weird. Um, you would think I passed like all my flying, like PT and stuff like that. I failed just about everything, man. And uh, I was going through a lot when I was young. I really was going through a lot, you know, and school was just for like. To me was like a social experiment.
Speaker 2:The idea of school and me just didn't work back then, which is funny because like these days, I study like fucking quantum physics and that for fun, just for fun. I love these kinds of subjects that. You know I had to. I had to study equations when I when I took a job in oil and gas, like mathematical principles and stuff like a weeklong course in algebra. But when I was young I just wasn't interested. But there was one subject I loved and that was English. I loved writing. I loved poetry, I loved the written word, I loved all the old kind of stuff. You know, scottish music, writing in Scottish Gaelic. I loved Shakespeare, I loved all the old tales and I never really spoke about it much, but I was always writing when I was young and in the army and I sure realised back then that was kind of something I was very much inclined to do, but no, I didn't really pass much at school.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think a lot of us are probably very similar to that. It was kind of retakes do a course you didn't want to do at college or join the military, so that sort of took you to. So you ended up at the recruitment office and you ended up in maybe the best regiment, who knows. But how did that go?
Speaker 2:Do you know I knew when I was eight years old I wanted to join the army. I knew very early on. Well, I didn't, like I was saying, I had a bit of a kind of interesting upbringing. But if I was lucky on a Friday my granny would give me a pound and that would be like my pocket money, which was very rare. But if I did get it I would go down to the youth club on a Friday because they had inside football, fire aside, they had boxing, pool table, tennis, snooker, all that stuff.
Speaker 2:But I went in on this Friday it was like seven o'clock and the Argyle Southern Highlanders had set up an assault course and I went in and I'll never forget this this soldier, um, he stopped, he was waiting to go for a tab. He pulled out a pack of lamba butler and he just looked down at me. I was only like fucking, eight, nine years old. He looked down at me and he went all right, son, and I remember looking up and thinking, oh, fuck god, this is for me, like, yeah, this, this is my way out. There was something, a presence about this individual and the assault course. You know just it was for me. Remember that day going yeah, this is my ticket out of here.
Speaker 1:And you hear that a lot, actually A lot of the guys that we served, with a lot of their past, they wanted to get away from where they were coming from. It wasn't a question of, ah, you know, I want to join the military, it's a great. It wasn't a question of us. You know, I want to join the military. It's great. Career is I want to do something else in life. I want to get out of this town. Or, you know, and it seemed to be like a lot, a lot of the welsh guys who maybe came from old mining towns or people from scotland like yourself who did, thought you know, I want something different. And, um, so you went to the recruitment office and you said I want to join the army. They probably tried to put you into one of your local regiments. Did they like the scottish highlanders or one of those?
Speaker 2:yeah, they tried to get me into the highlanders. But I went and I wanted to join the marines and I was only 16 and they said you're going to wait two years. I was like not a chance, like I want now. And um, they said like we'll go and take this test. I took the barb test and uh, they said you've actually done like not too bad on it. Would you consider a career with a trade? And I was like, yeah, whatever. Well, 16-year-old, I just want to go in. And they gave me this leaflet and it said they're all code of signals. I was like what the fuck is this? Now I went home and my mum had married at this point to a very nice guy, very old school, hard motherfucker, and he was ex-Clandestine Royal Signals.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And I had no idea at the time, but he'd been. You know he was a big influence on me. But when I sat down and showed him the stuff, he just kind of looked at me and he said probably a good move, that lad. And that was it, mate. That was all the influence I needed. You know, I thought there's some curiosity about this that I'm interested in and I went back the next week, signed down the dotted line, 27th of March 1997 at 10 o'clock in the morning with Major G Law sitting beside me.
Speaker 1:I'll never forget no one does do. People don't forget the day they joined. It's one of those dates, in fact. If you want to get into anyone's password on their computer, just ask them the day they joined the army or what their regimental number is, and you'll probably get in. Yeah, so what's that? 16, 17 years old? At this point, do you end basic training?
Speaker 2:16 years old yeah 16.
Speaker 1:Little puppy, I don't even know if they do that anymore. I think they have to go to some sort of foundation college now I mean 16. You think of our kids. They're like 16 years old. You think if they were running off to join the Army you'd be devastated. You'd be like whoa, you're not old enough.
Speaker 2:But my 15 last week and I'm like no fucking way, are you going to the army next year, type of thing you know?
Speaker 1:yeah, it's unfathomable to me. Yeah, it is, and if you do join, you're not joining the marines. So you go through, uh, you go through basic training. What's that basenborn? Yeah, yeah, exactly for those wondering what basenborn's like, watch full metal jacket, because that's where they filmed it. So I remember you used to march around camp and, uh, you'd be trying to picture scenes from the movie you know it's.
Speaker 2:It's interesting. I watched that film so many times growing up and I didn't know. And then you know, you get there and you start uncovering the history of things. You're like fuck it now you know. And of course there's Memphis Bell and all that? Yeah, that's right all that kind of cool stuff proper memories.
Speaker 1:And then you leave there. You go to Blanford do your trade training yeah, from Blanford became a relay op.
Speaker 2:Still totally like really just figuring out what this whole game is, this whole green machine, you know, and it's still. It's still kind of clocked in like a lot of mystery, like when does this all come to work?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's right. I mean, you're still a young pup, aren't you? You've not been exposed, you're in training still, and then. But you finish all your training and then you're, sort of, they say, right from Germany, which to this day is one of the most beautiful moments of my life, four and a half years there, of just really good people, brotherhood memories that will forever be cherished in my heart, forever.
Speaker 2:But you know we got sent. I mean I loved it there, it was fantastic, but I was only just 18. For about god, it wasn't that long when I was 18 and we got posted to you know, going to well, you know war, but it doesn't really get spoken about that much.
Speaker 1:You'll have to go back 20 seconds there. You dropped out so you got posted to, and now you've got Garble. You got you dropped out so you got posted to. Now you've got Garble. You got posted to where.
Speaker 2:I got posted to Kosovo, right. Yeah, we got put on tour over there when that kicked off, 99, yeah, 99. And it's weird, you know, because I thought I'd been in training and my regiment for so long and going on tour for the first time.
Speaker 2:It's exciting, very exciting, but it's um, it's weird because the pace is slower yeah and that that was why I remember that very early thinking it's a lot slower than I was expecting. You know, nothing like movies, nothing like what you would imagine, but that's, that's just the reality of it. But um, very, very real, very, very quickly became apparent of how ugly the world can be yeah, you know you're 18, 19 years old and you think everything's rosy.
Speaker 1:You know you've lived in this sort of camp environment where you're quite safe, just that. You're in this sort of protective bubble where we're being taught about. You're in this sort of protective bubble where we're being taught about war. We're being told to run around with guns and everything else. But it's not until you actually see. You know, kosovo was pretty brutal, as obviously you're going to come on to. But I think for a lot of guys who hadn't done a Northern Ireland, they hadn't done Bosnia, they hadn't done Gulf One, this one, uh, this was their first foray into. You know, people can be vicious bastards and and brutal, and the ethnic cleansing and everything went on over there, um, so I mean, I suppose you, you saw that you, you were involved sort of in helping not in helping the people that were obviously affected and yeah, man, it's uh.
Speaker 2:It's funny because, because, as much as I mean, I did two tours in Iraq, as you know I've been spoken about. But Iraq I was a lot older, experienced and ready and I was a detachment commander in Iraq, but when I went to Kosovo I was still a kid man, still a kid, you know. And it's funny because I give an interview. And it was funny because you know how sometimes a thing can just come out of your mouth and you're like fucking hell, that's actually even thinking about that.
Speaker 2:I just said that made me think I was doing a BBC interview a few years ago and it was live down in Glasgow at the fucking headquarters and live in the middle of the air. And he said, you know, he asked me what was it like? And I said look you, you know we get asked this a lot. I said but I'm going to put it in a frame of reference that you understand I said when I got posted there, I was only just legally allowed to hold a pipe yep the room fell silent and you could see everyone pictured in that, like holy fuck, they've got kids that are just 17 to 18.
Speaker 2:They're starting to visualize the reality of we're sending kids to here Fucking kids. I know it's the job and we love it, right when we're 18, we've done a few years training and you are ready. But the truth is, man, you're just a kid and yeah, like you said, the ethnic, the ethnic cleansing was fucking brutal. Man, just realizing what people can do to each other, you know, and it's not like people say it's so cold. I'm like that's not even that's an understanding, it's pure hatred. You know, it is a. It is a hundreds and hundreds of years of hatred that you ain't going to fucking fix.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's right, and I suppose for anyone that's listening to this pod, so it's giving them a bit of background on Kosovo. It really was just that, wasn't it? I mean, it was neighbours turning on themselves. These are guys that have split bread between each other and then the very next day, because they were of different religion and it was the Serbs, the Croats, they were just butchering each other.
Speaker 2:I remember I was at the top of this location, outside a place called Pech, and we were there for a good month. But we were at the top of a hillside and we were taking small arms fire. Quite often, um, you know, playing that down a little bit, you know like getting shot at. You know, quite often now we thought it was it's just exciting, you know it was part of the game, but, um, we were not allowed to fire back and we kept asking like permission because the rules of engagement like no, we need to engage them. And they're like no fucking day engage them, because if we're using kids as human shields, yeah, like man, like getting shot at, the rules and engagement are saying that we can't return fire.
Speaker 2:But if we do, this is what we've got faced with. And then you're like that could end up on cnn fucking sky news such and such, and you're like it's fucking mental even things like there was a woman came up to us one day. I think she was maybe 22, 23 and she was absolutely beautiful. I remember thinking like stunning woman and she was like begging us to come and like kill this guy. We're like it's not what we're here to do, just like no, I'm getting raped every night how do you deal with that at your age?
Speaker 2:well, that's it like. Your instinct is to protect and serve like and do good and you're being presented with a situation that is morally and ethically unjust and you have to just sorry, can't help. It's crazy, it does. It does it kind of like? Messes you up when you're young, like that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:But these are all sort of situations that you've you've been in and it registers somewhere in your brain fairly deep down at the time because you know you're fairly naive, probably a little bit immature still, because we all think we're invincible at that age. But we're not. We haven't got that life experience yet. And that's when things start unlocking 10, 15 years later and we relate them back to these experiences from our childhood and that woman that comes up and says that and you think, oh, could I have potentially done something, or what have you. And so I mean, how did Kosovo sort of affect you sort of at the time?
Speaker 2:Those. I mean, how did Cospo sort of affect you at the time those were. You would think those kind of incidents were the big ones, but for me it was. We were in a convoy at the end of our second tour. I did two tours there and at the end of the second one we were driving I think it was five vehicles and I was in a Land Rover and co-driving and there was an unplanned stop and your just instinct was like something's wrong. We're not meant to be stopping. It was just a just a one way kind of trick it and check your ammo, check your fucking weapon, check everything, all that fucking regular stuff.
Speaker 2:Looking around you, heart starts going. Then you're like just relax, breathe, do your fucking normal shit. And then everybody saw this guy walking towards us. So we saw like stepped out the vehicle because he's carrying this fucking object. That didn't look right and, um, everyone kind of debussed and realised that he wasn't carrying a thing. He was carrying a fucking person and it was the body of a child. The child was about 12, 13 years old, blown apart, fucking body, mangled. You're thinking, fuck man, you know this is happening, it's right here. But as bad as that was, his mum turned up and it was just utter chaos. You know watching this family's world just being like shredded apart brutal, yeah, it was.
Speaker 2:It was very, very um. It was very fucking starkly real, and then we got the order to just leave them and we drove away, which was fucking heartbreaking isn't how you deal with that is exceptionally difficult that's the thing, mate, like it's funny because, um, we didn't deal with it, nobody mentioned that one ever.
Speaker 2:It was never brought up in question. We drove away, nobody spoke, nobody mentioned that night, that day, that night, and then nobody fucking brought it up ever again. And that for me kind of was the beginning of like how I got mentally unstable with PTSD and stuff like that. But it was like years later.
Speaker 1:I suppose it's once you become a parent yourself that a lot of this starts coming back up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man. Well, I had a child when I was 25, so that's like 6 years later and I'm a lot more mature. I've been on tour twice more, done the Iraq warning a tour. After that I left the army and tried to fight my feet as a civilian and having a kid. I quit drinking because things were getting so bad, but even then I was like this shit is just fucking bubbling, yeah we're gonna talk right yeah we're not taught to do that.
Speaker 1:We're not taught anything, we're just all come back, um, don't talk about it, get a crating, let's get pissed. You know we're probably going to play up, you know. Or literally come back off tour. You get off the plane. They say see you in a month, there's no decompression. You know we're probably going to play up, you know. Or or literally come back off tour. You get off the plane. They say see you in a month, there's no decompression. You know there is. Now I think it's becoming a message, but I think previous to that it was. There was no help.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man, well, at the end of something going on with me, um, because, uh, I was extremely fucking addicted to my fitness, I was, I was the fittest I've ever been in my life. I was doing about 10 mile in the morning, fucking a thousand press-ups a day, 500 pull-ups, 10 miles at night, plus my fucking patrols, my shifts, all that stuff, just non-stop. I just couldn't stop, couldn't switch off and I hadn't had a drink for a long time when I was on tour. And I managed to get a hold of them. There was a Scordian bar back in Barswell B-Town. Nothing happened, like I mean I would say if it did. But they wrote a letter to the CEO the next morning and basically they made an example at me because they were embarrassed. I told them to piss off or something, something as little as that who did you tell to piss off?
Speaker 1:it broke up for a sec, the.
Speaker 2:RAF RNPs when I was on right. Okay, yeah, and they wrote a letter. I broke up for a sec.
Speaker 1:The RAF RNPs when I was on Right. Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:And they wrote a letter to the CEO saying that I'd, you know, acted like an idiot or whatever, but it was ridiculous.
Speaker 2:Nothing, and I mean to put it plainly. I hadn't even hit them on anything, you know, nothing had happened, but they, but they made an example of me. So a week before I came off the full school board, I got bussed back down to Sydney, back down to private. I got my money reduced back down to private and then I got RTU'd from tour. Seven weeks before I got to finish my second tour, within 30 hours, I was back on my home fucking town with about six grand in my bank, in the pub, with no decompression, nothing like a day earlier I was in Iraq yeah, about to be promoted to corporal yeah, my whole fucking world flipped upside down and then just went right, just go home.
Speaker 2:I remember getting home and going right. Then that was an interesting few weeks.
Speaker 1:That's shit. I mean, you know there's nothing to be said there. The head shed were not looking after you. They were not thinking hang on, is there something going on here? Or this is out of character for this guy. Steve, I remember you were a really good soldier. Yeah, we all like to have a drink and a tussle, but I think any OCCO should have seen it. Is there something else going on here?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean like, even if I was to get punishment, fine, great, you know, and they should have had that conversation. But for me, looking back as a grown man, as a father, as someone who's lived life, and looking back in a leadership kind of view, I think back then, and I'm like you sent that young kid home with nothing on his own, with his whole unit still on tour, and you expected it to be okay. So it's an interesting thing, which is why which is why many of these experiences in my life, I'm not angry at them, I'm actually very grateful for them because they provided the sort of like, the framework for the man I was going to become so this is what 2005, 4 or 5, you got sent back from there and sort of things started to change 3 3.
Speaker 1:So that was, and then so you come back. Did you get promoted again or did you sort of kind of stay where you're at?
Speaker 2:no, no, I actually tried to take my life a few times. Fuck yeah, I let go of the wheel of the car doing 60 miles an hour on the A3 or 3 beside Bulford. Wrecked the car they ignored it. Tried to cut my wrists they ignored that. And then when I finally got to the doctors, he, he, tried to advise me of how to commit suicide more efficiently you're fucking joking.
Speaker 1:This is a military doctor. All the signs are there. They're supposed to be looking after you and, man, you've been failed.
Speaker 2:You know that not big time totally, but the next week he got posted to Bosnia off the back of what he told you.
Speaker 1:You think they sort of did you make a complaint, or?
Speaker 2:well, I didn't. My wife at the time did. I came home because I Did you make a complaint. Well, I didn't my wife at the time did. I came home because I went to the troop staff sergeant and I'm not going to say names, but they actually were like a big set of balls, stevie, for coming and telling us that we're very proud of you.
Speaker 2:And I thought, oh my God, I'm going to get some help, because my life was just going south very quickly and it was clear I was in a lot of pain, a lot of stress and I needed help. And when I asked for help I didn't get it. I actually got fucked over. And then I remember thinking I've just came to this doctor and told him the worst thing that's ever happened to me and what I'm going through. And you told me how to kill myself. Well, and I remember feeling numb, yeah. Then I went back to my marie quarters and she's like you, okay, and I says I'm not sure. And she told me like what's wrong and explained what happened and she fucking exploded. She phoned the ceo she actually phoned the papers and a lot happened. I was um, there was sib investigations, a lot of stuff.
Speaker 1:That went on for about a year this is all when we were still serving together. You know we're in the same squadron. Yeah, no one knew.
Speaker 2:We would never have known but if you kept it quiet, as that's what we do, isn't it?
Speaker 1:it is. I think that's the message, isn't it? So many guys, keep things quiet, these demons, and you've got to talk. Talk to those around you. I'd say talk to professionals, and I think you's the message, isn't it? So many guys, keep things quiet, these demons, and you've got to talk. Talk to those around you. I'd say talk to professionals and I think you were the exception there, you had a really shit doctor but speak to professionals.
Speaker 2:There is help there. Oh, mate, with that shadow of a doubt. That is why the work that I do, the speaking and mentoring, coaching and all that stuff, the charity work, the, the brand I built it's called Unspoken Wounds, as you probably know. That's why it's called that. There's a very specific reason it's because all those wounds that were unspoken for so fucking long were the very reason of why I was in so much fucking pain yeah I see all this happening.
Speaker 2:I got so many people that we both know who get in touch with me. Like stevie, I'm in a world of shit. I don't know what to do. You know, and this happens a lot and I work with a lot of people, various different industries, from prison and nhs, military, oil and gas, construction and, um, even like universities and stuff, and it's the same pattern all over. People are not talking enough, yeah, and when we start to talk about these unspoken wounds that we have, we have and um, and you know what, even though I've had all that stuff, someone might be struggling with, a granny might have just passed away that month Then that is the universe.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:There's no measurement of how bad or worse it is. Everyone's got something that they struggle with, and it's not a reflection on are you a weak or a strong person. We're all just doing the fucking best we can we are human.
Speaker 1:I think that's the idea of this podcast for people that are struggling who are listening to this is there is light at the end of that tunnel. You know we all have those moments when we just think that there's nothing else out there for us. It's a very dark time, but there is light out there and you know your story and other stories around this will hopefully help people see that and you know there is help and there is a message is that you know, keep going, don't give up. And uh, there is sort of family, there is happiness to be had, and so you're a massive low. So where does it go from there? Then you leave the military, you get lower or you now sort of see a path to recovery.
Speaker 2:No, things got worse after that. I was medically discharged. My career was kind of taken from me. I remember driving home thinking what the fuck am I going to do now? This is not what I saw. I was a life career in the army for me and that was kind of just taken away from me. But I went home. I went from job to job for about a year, Couldn't settle in any job. I didn't like the work ethic of those I was around. I struggled with that. I struggled with the amount that they gossiped and they bullshitted about just shit. And I remember thinking I am not going to fucking survive in this world.
Speaker 1:What was that world? What did you initially do when you left?
Speaker 2:I was working on the roads as construction and driving gritters in the winter, which is a good job, you know. Money was pretty okay, but it just wasn't me, you know. It was just like oh, this job's been made available, I'll take that job because I've got a son on the way. I have to be in a work, you know, because my kid's on the way. I was fucking miserable and you know I'd finished work and I'd be like boys just want to go to the gym. They're like no, all right, okay different mindset yeah, just they didn't want to do anything.
Speaker 2:They'd know like hunger, um. So, yeah, I had a few different jobs, um, mainly around construction, sort of like grafting, hard labour work and then I thought if I'm going to survive, I need to get myself focused into something that's meaningful, that I can build on and oil and gas, provided that. So I worked very fucking hard to get myself into a good position, started a salary of about £ with 35 grand a year, worked my way up to 55, 60 grand a year. Very good career. I worked very hard.
Speaker 1:I mean that's well known, isn't it the oil and gas industry? I mean it's hard to get into and when you're in it you know people are hungry. Then they work you hard, but if you put in the time there's some dizzy heights so you can go.
Speaker 2:You know, I've done a few people in that industry and they've earned well, but god jesus they, they look pretty tired when they come home it's funny because I'm like a year offshore because I was in drilling and like you can do a year offshore and have a room, and I remember actually thinking this is fucking harder than being on tour, you've got to work for your money yeah, well, yeah, you know, just have a fun day so how long did you stay in the oil and gas industry?
Speaker 2:12 years solid. I was 12 years consistent. So that's what takes you up. So how long did you stay in the oil and gas industry? 12 years solid. I was 12 years consistent.
Speaker 1:So that's what takes you up to. About what? 3-4 years ago, I suppose?
Speaker 2:Well, actually I just finished this year, in the middle of the year, when the coronavirus kicked in and it just flattened the entire industry. Pardon me, I was. When the coronavirus kicked in. It just flattened the entire industry, pardon me Again. I found myself unhappy. I wasn't and I'll be honest with you, I'm not very good at politics. I'm not, and to get higher in the game you have to be very good at politics, you know, and it's just not something I'm very good at no, but I suppose that's also a positive.
Speaker 1:You know, don't sit there. You know, don't let the tail wag the dog. You know, if you think there's change that's needed or something's not right, you've got to speak up. And you know people I've worked with. I've always had more respect for someone who's willing to actually speak up for the better than somebody just wants to be a yes man or. But in the background you've obviously set up unspoken wounds and you're starting to talk.
Speaker 2:You're starting to sort of do do lectures and sort of get on the circuit to sort of try and get the message out there yeah, I mean I've, uh, for the last 10 years I've been working for free in the speaking world, speaking from London to the top of Inverness, all across the UK. I won contracts and I settled in for nothing. So I was doing all these gigs for nothing because I wanted to do it and because I was I was earning enough offshore. I didn't need the money and it was in my heart because I really wanted to make an impact and I was speaking in prisons, universities, a variety of different oil companies and I did a bunch of content that went viral and I ended up becoming a consultant in the energy industry and for different companies around Scotland.
Speaker 2:So I'm kind of the guy that. So, for example, there's companies around the UK where they'll have staff and they'll have, sadly, taken their life, and then they've got the crisis of how do we manage this situation with everyone else. So I'm the guy that they phone and they bring in to work through that and that very difficult time and I'll go and do speeches for their staff, their leadership teams, and that's kind of where I am now and that's kind of my full-time job now. I do a lot of that.
Speaker 1:And have you found that with coronavirus? Obviously that's had a massive sort of change to people's life, both work and sort of home a people's life you know, both work and sort of home. A lot of people aren't have lost their jobs or people aren't actually getting to go into the office so they are working from home and they're missing that sort of vital sort of social sort of interaction that you get with other people. And I think mental health's probably suffered hugely in the last eight months yeah, yeah, it's.
Speaker 2:Do you know what? Right? I might get a bit of flack for this? I might get a little bit of flack, but I can only talk from my honest perspective and from where I am. This has been the hardest year for most of us. Yeah, there's no denying that this has been a complicated, very, very interestingly complex time. However, however, it's also provided an opportunity, because one thing that most people need is they need the world to kind of shut down for life, to slow down, for things that just force them to look at themselves, because most of the time, people aren't that very fucking happy. They're trundling along, they're just kind of going along and they know that something's not right. They know they want change, but they don't do anything about it. And they complain to a friend at the pub, they moan to their friend across the street or their co-workers, but then they don't do anything about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true it's difficult, right, but the one thing that we need individually is to go right. This is the one thing that I want. I want to start my business. I want to become a PT. I want to become a driver and instructor. I want to become a full-time mum, whatever that might be for this person what do I fucking? And the need to just stop the world and go right. I need to stop going to the pub, I need to stop gossiping, I need to stop eating shit food, and the only time that really works is when we have time. We've been given an opportunity here. I know it's fucking horrible what's been going on and I'm not taking away from that, but if we can't, as individuals, look at the positive in the worst situation, I do think there's a positive in all of this. I really do.
Speaker 1:There is, and I think a lot of people you speak to are almost having this life reset moment. They're actually having the courage now because it's not just them on their own. A lot of people are saying I can work from home or I can change my life, I can work less hours or I'm spending more time with my family. I'm seeing what's important, and I think we all need to do that. We need to take stock.
Speaker 1:You know, what I hope doesn't happen is that things go back to normal next year and then people just get stuck on the same old rat race and they're getting dragged into work, they're unhappy, everything just goes back to as it was. We could have but didn't and people need to change what they're doing and uh, I know it's not easy, but then that's having that moral courage, you know, and just saying right, I'm gonna take this out there, I'm gonna do it, because a lot of the time when we take that leap I know it's a leap into the unknown, but pretty much it it works out in some way or other and no one sits in their deathbed and says I wish I'd worked harder.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, I mean you've got to work hard on the things that you want, but ultimately as well you've got to build joy and fucking happiness in your life. And just to kind of go on to what you were saying there, you're so true. I didn't drink for 10 years and then my marriage fucking ended and stuff.
Speaker 2:I thought you know what I'm going gonna have a few beers with my mates and I can't drink more shit anymore, which I'm quite proud of. But um, I found myself in lockdown. I was drinking too much and, uh, I remember thinking you know what's happening here. You're gonna end end up piling weight on unfit. It's not healthy for you and I thought I need to do something. So I was approaching 40 this year, coming up to my 40th birthday, and I thought I need to do something significant. It's this military mindset. I need to do something significant to myself so that when I'm 90 years old, I can look back and go young man, you know you had something about yourself. Yes, I put the drink aside for fucking a good few weeks.
Speaker 2:I started to get walking, getting healthy, reading and listening to tons of podcasts very empowering. I don't like the word motivation. I think motivation is bullshit, but I do think you can get inspired. I also want to tell people as well I get this a lot how do I find my purpose? I'm like you never find your purpose, because the idea that you had to find it means that you don't have it. Yeah, or something inside of us all. You cannot find what's not inside of you. It is within you, you know. Yeah, it's the uncovering of it. It's an uncovering process a long time ago.
Speaker 2:A lot of people have asked me how did I, how did I get over my ptsd, how did I fix? I'm like I never fixed it, I just began to be grateful for it because it gave me something that I was. I wasn't looking at it properly, and a lot of people are like okay, see, I'm very grateful for it, I call it the gift, I call it my gift. All this shit that happened to me. It unlocked a part of me that was trying to talk to me for a long time. And, um, I've read this story that, um, the the sculptor never designs or creates anything. He just chips away all the non-essentials to reveal what was already there. Yeah, and I did that. I got rid of the excuses, I got rid of the alcohol, I got rid of the laziness, of the mentality of the victim. I just started to stick it all away. Yeah, and then, years later, I learned that the word in Greek for chisel is character. So it's a mission on chiseling away all the shit that you don't need to reveal your character.
Speaker 1:It takes strength of character to do that. But I think, just hearing the way that you've just sort of described that, I think many people will be able to relate to that. And that's so true. You don't get over PTSD. You've just sort of described that I think many people will be able to relate to that. And, uh, that's so true. I mean, you, you don't get over ptsd.
Speaker 1:Some of these life experiences, some of the sort of mental health issues, it's not some a pill you can take, it's something you have to help yourself with. But it's a process and I think stripping away and working on it is, uh, I think people will be able to hear that and really understand what you just said. So that sort of take to what you're out now you're sort of sending, you're working on this 24 7, so you're not in the oil and gas, you're out there helping people. I mean financially, that must obviously not be an easy thing because, uh, you know, just doing a podcast or, uh, tipping up and doing a conference for a company is not going to help pay the bills. So where do you see it going?
Speaker 2:I did a lot of work over the years studying. I read a lot about autobiographies of successful billionaires. They all say the same thing it takes years. Well, I've had the nice toys and stuff, but it doesn't make me happy. What makes me happy is working with people. And, um, I decided this year that you know you were saying earlier on about a reset. It'd been in my, my heart and my mind for years. I'm like you need to do this full time, but it's too scary to leave that money yeah and I just went.
Speaker 2:Do you know what? You're about to turn 40? You're smart, you know what you want. You need to fucking go with this. All the way, stevie boy and um, we got made redundant. Everyone panicked and I had a smile on my face. I thought let's fucking go. So on my 40th birthday, I left the house at six o'clock. I planned this for weeks. I left the house at six o'clock in the morning on my bike and cycled the entire north of scotland for almost a month, living wild and um, I started a clothing company, I started my speaking. I recorded, um, well, weeks and weeks of material for a documentary that's still being produced. Um, I, I just remember thinking this is what my life is about. It's about telling stories.
Speaker 1:It sounds so ridiculous, but telling stories is what gets people through it is because they need to hear from someone else that they can look to and think, actually no, this guy, this woman, the same as me, they've been in a similar situation. They've got through it. That means I can get through it. Um, you know how do they do it. So, you know, you took the time out, you did exercise and I said this on an earlier podcast with a guy called Darren and we were talking about his outlet for PTSD and struggles was fitness and he was saying that a doctor once said if he could do one thing and if he could prescribe fitness and health in a tablet form, it would help so many people. Because it doesn't matter what you throw down your neck all these different sort of pills getting out there releasing some of these chemicals in your brain when you're just enjoying yourself, you feel free. That has got so many more benefits oh 100.
Speaker 2:I mean like I've studied this stuff um, like in the world, not fitness, but the lack of fitness and what it does to you when you don't do it. You know you become lethargic, your brain becomes foggy, you don't think properly. I mean even just. You don't need to go to the gym, just go for a fucking walk.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just get outside.
Speaker 2:Fitness. Getting outside is fitness. You don't need to go and do 10 hours of the gym a week. Yeah, you know. Um, yeah, it's um taking the dog out, you know. Yeah, well, that's enough, get you out. Get out and about fucking fresh air, thinking about if there's a problem in your life, get the fuck outside and that problem will find the solution it does.
Speaker 1:There is a solution to every problem 100.
Speaker 2:Well, it's funny, it's funny to speak about that, right, and um, I wasn't actually going to say this but, um, I'm, I'm working very diligently right now. When I did that trip around the north and the north coast 500 there were days where I didn't see people, you know, and at the top, these ranges of mountains and you know, for ex-military it's like it's a, it's got an almost heavenly connection to it and you're like, well, I just love being out here. Because I was spending time on my own, I had a lot of time to think about okay, you've started your company and the excitement it's over. You're out doing the work now. You're out doing your thing. What's next? And I remember laughing at myself and going, what's next? Like slow the fuck down, like you're doing what you're meant to be doing. And I had this moment and I was like I've been talking about releasing a book and all these things and I didn't know what to call it. So I've just been writing the book for the last four or five months and a bit more.
Speaker 2:But just two weeks ago I was sitting in my kitchen. I write on my window. I've got these chalk pens where I can write in the window in the room above. I was just sitting here and I had this fucking flash of thought and I ran over, grabbed the pen and I just wrote in the window.
Speaker 2:The wound is the way. I remember sitting there looking and I got this goosebumps. I think that's it. That's everything I've been speaking about for the last fucking 13 years. That is it. That's how I did it. I didn't run away from it. The, the antidepressants didn't work. The being angry didn't work. The hiding, the being the victim none of it worked. The minute I started to look at my PTSD, my depression, my anxiety, all the excuses, everything. When I turned and faced it and I said you've got something for me that I need to take from, and I went into it. The wound is the way and it's and it's. They say that the obstacle is the solution. You know, they say that the obstacle itself is the solution. Everyone's trying to fix things by I need to go on a diet, I need to go on this but what they're really looking for is to feel something that they feel that they're missing yes, yeah, you're good at this.
Speaker 1:It's true. I mean, what you've said in the last sort of 10-15 minutes has resonated with me hugely. It's true, isn't it? People say I'm going to go on a diet after Christmas. Well, why don't you just change your diet full stop? Why don't you change your life full stop? I'm going to start running. Why don't you go for a walk this afternoon? Get out, be happy. If something's not right in your life, change it. I know it's easy to say that, but we can all make small changes which have big steps, and that's where we need to go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, and this is it. I think this is why I'm saying this as well, because I'm not taking away from the fact of how overwhelmingly disastrous this year has been for businesses, for families. I mean. It's been difficult for thousands and thousands of people in the UK and for millions, but it's been devastating for a lot of people. They've lost businesses, they've lost their way of life, marriages have ended, people have their mental health has suffered. Like I look at the statistics and stuff because it's of interest to me, but the number one debilitating illness in the world today is depression. It's the result for the most chronic illnesses on earth and people can you can look at that as a statistic, but me I'm like why? What is going on in society that we're so fucking unhappy? But we're living in the most technologically advanced age of our time, so what the fuck's going on? And it's like we've just been saying here people don't go outside, they don't just go out for a walk and take joy in a country park.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's almost like we've become the matrix. People have forgotten the simple, fundamental life experiences about just going for a walk, about sitting at a table and talking to your children how's your day at school, you know, just talking to your dog which I love talking to my dog and you know I have the best conversations but it's just these simple things in life that, um, I think we've all forgotten. You know, we're all guilty of it and we always go like full circle where we get wrapped up in our career and whatever it is we're doing and we just lose sight of those actually things that are important to us. My wife reminds me of it all the time. I don't listen, you know. I I think, yeah, yeah, whatever lip service, but you know, I think we've all got to change, uh, and I think those changes will help us yeah, ultimately.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's a simple thing, like I spend a lot of time working with people and I ask them simple questions, you know, and I'll say, like, what do you want? And then they'll proceed to tell me what they don't want. I don't want to be unfettered about, I don't want to be fat, I don't want to be in this relationship and I'm like hold on a second, what do you want?
Speaker 2:they don't know yeah and we in the first part, like sometimes a few days, we're having to strip away all the this angst, this, this fucking layers of things that have been built up. You know, and, uh, it's funny to go back to something you said earlier. I was listening but, um, you were saying that, uh, to make a difference in the workplace, we have to be able to speak up and to not be so timid and to have a voice. Um, that that was what I started to do. Um, offshore, I started to speak up about health and safety, because when we're taking chances that were just ridiculous, and I remember saying like, look, we're gonna fucking hurt somebody here, it's not damage equipment, we're gonna hurt people and we've got to send them home. And if I'm gonna go home missing fingers or worse, we need to start being a bit more aware.
Speaker 2:And they didn't like it. They did not like that I was speaking up and they didn't like the fact I was doing, speaking outside of my job, and I was quite an opinionated individual, but with with the general kindness about it. So when I stepped away from my job, I thought, well, I could make a difference in there. I'll make a difference as my own boss, and it's a lot harder. It's not as financially rewarding just yet, but by fuck it makes a difference. You know when, when I get to step into these companies and there's 50 people in the room and you see them coming up to you, that difference. And they come up and we're talking grown men here, like big scuttler guys and like worky boys, and they're like mate, I'm having a nightmare at home. My fucking marriage is going down the pan, it's affecting my job.
Speaker 1:I'm like fuck, you know, and giving them a place where they can feel safe to talk yeah it makes a difference, it really does I can believe that and I think, uh, one of the things I learned fairly sort of late is that that wealth is not linked to happiness. A lot of people who at both ends of the spectrum on what they earn and what they can buy. Some guys can go out and buy a shitload of toys and other guys are struggling to put food on the table, but the guys with the toys aren't the happiest. The guys that are at home at night finishing, sitting around a table with their wife and kids, they're the happy ones, um, and I think that makes you realize what, what's right.
Speaker 1:So I think that, for me, I think, if you want to make a change, I think you've got to make it at home first, um, and then take that to the workplace. You know we've still got to provide, so we can't just jack our jobs in tomorrow. I'm sure we'd all love to just call it a day. You know the bosses are wanker, let's go home, but then we've got mortgages and what have you. But yeah, I think you made some really good points tonight and so I mean we sort of get into the closing parts. So, the next couple of minutes, where do you see it going If we could get a message out there for you on this podcast. What would it be? How can we help you help others?
Speaker 2:You know I've been speaking a lot about mental health for a while and there's something I really, there's something I really care about right now, and next year is going to be quite interesting because I'm going to cycle back to Kosovo and I'm doing it. I'm cycling across the UK. I'm going to spend about six months touring the UK, meeting people and talking on my bike, living rough, and I'm trying to remind people that it doesn't matter where you come from, it doesn't matter what size you are, what's in your bank, it doesn't matter all that shit. For me, the most significant moment in anyone's life is when they realize that they need to start looking in here. Your fucking heart.
Speaker 2:There is this thing, right, we're all looking to fucking feel something, feel connected, feel happiness, get our lover, our partner, our husband or wife to make us feel good. We're so busy trying to change the world around us. We're not looking at the one thing we need to take heed of and take charge of, which is ourselves. All the answers, all the stuff that you want to feel. It's sitting in here. We're up here all the time. Now. This is a very, very powerful game. The mind, it's so powerful. But this connected to your heart. That's the game and this book that I'm writing. The wound is the way it's about getting people to find their way back home, and I call home in here.
Speaker 1:Fantastic.
Speaker 2:And if you can live here, no matter what your surroundings you can be like. For example, you could be homeless, but you might have your feet so you can walk. You could walk to the park. You might be homeless. You can then stumble across somebody who's in a wheelchair.
Speaker 2:it's about perspective yeah, so true when we've lost this fucking connection to ourselves and we're looking at fucking. You know these things, you know these toys and all these things and can make our life feel better and they're all nice, they're all great, that's wonderful stuff, but without this it's pointless.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's true. I think social media, phones, all this connected sort of 21st century life, you know, sound like a granddad now, but it it probably does more harm than good. You know, it's lovely to be able to do what we're doing now, but I think we just need to get a sense of perspective and think, all right, let's just put that down, let's just turn it off. Uh, it's not easy, but I'll tell you what.
Speaker 1:When you know, when you've had a few days away from your phone or you go on holiday somewhere there's no phone signal, you go for that initial oh, my god, you know, hot sweats. And then who's been trying to get hold of me? Or have I got a message to like after a couple of days you are properly relaxed and you feel good and, um, it's great and I think it'd be good if we could sort of stretch that out for a bit longer in life. But okay, so anyone who's listening to this, they think I want to hear more about what steve's got to say. You know, how can you help me? How do they get in contact with you? Where do they go?
Speaker 2:wwwwell yeah, I mean, if you go on to facebook or Instagram and you look up Unspoken Wounds or Facebook Unspoken Wounds, there's a community there. We're growing we're about 16,000 and growing and we've got we've got a clothing brand now Unspoken Fire, and that's doing not bad. So you know, it's been a, it's a, it's a off on there and we talk about stuff and people engage. It's a really good community brilliant.
Speaker 1:You literally dropped out again for about 10 seconds. Did you sort of say you're talking about? I'm assuming you were talking about like a forum there or where people can engage and sort of just talk to each other.
Speaker 2:I was talking about my receding hairline and the fact that I'm all grey and I'm looking older than I am.
Speaker 1:You're looking good on Zoom mate. We are in black and white.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, just Facebook and look up Unspoken Wounds.
Speaker 1:Brilliant. Okay, guys, anyone who needs to talk needs to sort of speak out. You know Steve's there to help you, so I always ask this to all our guests. So the three items, the three objects that you can't live without pen notepad.
Speaker 2:Third one Jesus pen notepad carbon Jesus cup of tea very true cup of tea.
Speaker 1:It's unbelievable what a brew will fix that is true there's probably a lot to be said there when our parents used to turn around saying have a nice cup of tea it's funny because I'm like a notepad and pen, like everywhere, and you know, if I'm going out for the day I'll grab that and it goes in my day sack.
Speaker 2:I'll take it out of me. And it's funny as well, right, because I'm like on my, on my phone, on my home screen. Apart from my son, I've got right here a voice recorder. So the minute I open my phone, the first thing that's right by my thumb is the voice recorder. So for something I want to remember, I just on my phone, and it's one of the fastest ways of doing it, because I'm such a busy motherfucker. I have a. I'm such a fucking busy motherfucker. I have a million thoughts a day and probably only five of them are worthwhile. But I take notes on my phone and maybe at the end of the week I'll go through them and I'm like, oh fuck, that's right, that was a good idea, though that's a good tip for anyone, isn't it?
Speaker 1:never need to talk, just put it into your phone, replay it, make a note you know that's it.
Speaker 2:You know that's it. There's a good frame there. If you think it, ink it you are.
Speaker 1:You are such a changed guy, you know, for the bloke I knew years ago so I mean it's been an absolute pleasure to have you on and you know sort of take that journey in your shoes and you've really sort of trodden the path sort of highs and lows. But I'm chuffed that it's all sort of you know you're on the up and you're helping other people now and you're sort of finding happiness, it seems, in yourself and you know your sort of path that you want to carry on leading. So I think anyone that definitely take something away from it.
Speaker 2:I just love people. I do, I love people and I think people deserve to give themselves, just to take it a little bit more easy on themselves. They're doing the best they can definitely.
Speaker 1:I think they need to go out and stay safe this Christmas and they need to sort of take 2021 and embrace it. Yeah, man, well look, it has been awesome to catch up. When you're on your bike journey around the UK, make sure you pop down to the sunny south coast and come say hello, we'll pull up a sandbag. We'll bore the kids.
Speaker 2:Have a few beers, have a few fucking stories, Mate appreciate you coming on.
Speaker 1:Fantastic fucking stories, mate. Appreciate you coming on fantastic. Well, that was Steve Beattie, and what a great episode. Certainly brought back some memories and he reminded me of a few things that I've forgotten, but we'll leave that there. So, steve, you can catch him on all the usual channels on the Wounded Podcast and his channel on Instagram and YouTube. Reach out to him. He's coming back for season three so great that we've got this back up there. So listen to this, and he'll be back again in a few weeks telling us what he's been up to the last few years and how his journey's continued.
Speaker 1:As always. Please be great if you can leave some feedback. Go on the apple podcast app if you're listening to this via that scroll to the bottom. Stick a little star rating on little one two word review. Honestly, it all helps. We really appreciate that same on youtube, spotify or any other channels you're listening on. Uh, for us, though, that's another episode in the can. Hope you enjoyed it. There's plenty more out there, so have a listen to them and, obviously, leave us the feedback. Drop us a message if you want to ask any questions or see any other guests come on the show, and we'd be delighted to reach out to them on your behalf. So enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you very much.