Becoming A Father Your Kids WANT To Follow | Part 1

In my 25 years of fatherhood experience, I've never come across a blueprint, handbook or some sort of manual for being the kind of father I wanted to be and neither have any of the fathers I've mentored over the last 20 years. And yet, by the grace and guidance of God, I've become known as a highly responsible and respectable father by my peers and most importantly by my children.

So in my own way, I want to be of service to fathers out there who struggle with showing up for their family the way they really want. I want to take what I've learned and lived and share it with any man that's looking for simple yet significant ways to become the father they envision themselves being but don't know how to.

In this video series, I hope to provide a sort of "blueprint" to becoming a father your kids will want to follow. Leadership is more than a "position", it's a practice. The kind of practice that inspires those around you to WANT to allow you to have a say in the decisions they make and the directions they take, in life. 

Summary

In this conversation, Treveal C.W. Lynch introduces his new series called 'How to Become a Follow-able Father.' He shares his personal experiences and strategies for becoming a father that your kids want to follow, not just have to follow. The two main themes discussed are being scared and being uncertain. 

Treveal emphasizes the importance of being honest and vulnerable with your children, sharing your fears and uncertainties, and using those moments to inspire and empower them. He also highlights the role of Jesus as a blueprint for fatherhood and the significance of creating a nurturing and educational environment within the home.

Takeaways

Being a follow-able father means being honest and vulnerable with your children.

Share your fears and uncertainties with your children, but also show them how to have faith and trust in God.

Use your own experiences and struggles as teachable moments to empower and inspire your children.

Create a nurturing and educational environment within your home, where your children can learn and grow.

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Transcript

Treveal C.W. Lynch (00:00.728)
Hey, good morning guys. Today I want to talk to you from a new series that I'm beginning called How to Become a Followable Father. How to Become a Followable Father. It's becoming a father that your kids want to follow. Not have to follow. But a father, the kind of father that your kids actually want to follow.

For the last 20 plus years, I've been mentoring men, having deep conversations with men, teaching men. And one thing that I've come to know about men, and specifically fathers, we desire to be great leaders, yet we're not always given the blueprint. We're not always taught how to. And so this is my way of contributing to that. This is my blueprint, so to

Not that I'm a perfect father by any stretch of the imagination, but I have raised four adult children who are doing very well. They're emotionally regulated. They're economically, as I like to say, elevated. They're aware of themselves and they're on the path. We're all on a path. We're all on a journey. But my children are doing well. Many have commented to me over the years about writing a book on parenting

fatherhood and I'm working on some things in the background. But all of that to say, I've got some experience. And so I just wanted to contribute. I wanted to share. wanted to pour back into men who may not be in that space and place of confidence and clarity as it concerns being a father. And maybe you're struggling as a man to lead your family. You're struggling as a father.

to have your children look up to you, to want to follow you. And so over the next several videos, today is part one, but over the next several videos, I'm just gonna be sharing from the heart my own personal stories, my own experiences, and some strategies that I think that you can utilize to improve in this area of fatherhood. Again, these are my stories.

Treveal C.W. Lynch (02:24.344)
These are my strategies, things that have worked for me and perhaps they might work for you. So I want to share two things today. I don't want to take up a ton of time. I just want to share two things. Again, this series is called Becoming a Followable Father. How to become a father that your kids want to follow, not have to follow. So the context is

becoming and being a man, a father, a person who embodies a character, who expresses and embodies an energy that attracts, that makes their children want to go the way that they're going.

to be an inspiration, to be a contribution to the confidence of your

Today I want to share two things. Number one, be scared. And number two, be uncertain. I wrote down these notes so that I would not carry on and chase rabbits as we like to say. I want to stay on point because I want to get this value to you. Number one, be scared. What do I mean by

Many times as men we are told, we are sold in our culture that we are to be brave, that we are to be strong and mighty and courageous. And none of those things are wrong or bad. Yet often, and in my own life, this idea of manhood, this courageous warrior, prevents us from being honest, from being vulnerable.

Treveal C.W. Lynch (04:30.99)
from being transparent with our children, those who are closest to us and those who matter most. We're not able to be honest. We're not able to be authentic. And what tends to happen is we allow our pride and the things that society has told us and sold us to override where we really are in life. And when that happens, your children can see through it. Children are some of the most honest,

genuine individuals on the planet because for most children they haven't learned yet how to play the game, how to be phony, how to be fake, how to fake it till you make it. They haven't learned those things. Their innocence hasn't been snatched away quite yet. And so they look at life through a prism, through a perspective of honesty, and they can

that we're not being honest and that energy of not being honest, that energy of not being true and authentic, it comes off. And it's not magnetic, it's repelling. No one wants to follow someone who's not genuine. No one wants to follow, including your kids. No one wants to follow someone who's not being honest. So your kids can pick up on that. So many times in life as a father, we're afraid.

I know for myself sometimes man, like I couldn't pay rent and I was afraid of being kicked out. Or sometimes you get yourself in a financial situation or you get yourself in a personal situation and you don't know how that situation is going to play out and how it's going to impact your family and you're afraid. Maybe you're in debt. Maybe you just lost your job or maybe your car broke down. I don't know what it might be for you, but all of these things have happened to me in the past in some form.

in some capacity and I was afraid even even when it comes to our dreams our hopes and dreams and visions and Sometimes you know being in ministry You have this idea of what you want to do and what you want to become and when life doesn't pan out that way sometimes you're a little afraid and So one thing that I've done and so let me give you my story But then also let me give you my strategy at the same time something that I've

Treveal C.W. Lynch (06:52.046)
excuse me, and in both of instances, both of them, being scared and being uncertain or being unsure, something that I've always practiced, and this is something that you can practice. My family and I, my wife, myself, my four children, as they were growing up, we would often have Sunday kind of sit downs, little circles that we would get into, know, Sunday afternoons after church, or we would go out to dinner or something like that.

And we just sit around and we talk and we share. My wife loves to say, me your rose for the week and give me your thorn, right? That rose is that thing that smells good, that's something to celebrate. And that thorn, that's something that's kind of poking at you. It kind of hurts, it stings. It's not going your way.

But it serves as an icebreaker and it served for many years as an icebreaker for our family. We'd go around and we'd share and when it got around to me, and this is the strategy that I want to share with you and encourage you to consider, is I used these moments when I was afraid to empower my children and inspire my children through showing

This is where dad is. This is what dad is struggling with. This is what dad is dealing with. Yet, I'm going to speak in faith. Yet, I'm going to trust God. Yet, we're going to continue to pray and believe that things are going to change. See, we live in a world where interpretations and what we believe, it's up to us. And so we don't have to act like we're not where we

I can be scared but still be in faith and I can show both sides of the coin to my children. can say, hey guys, dad's scared right now. I'm a little afraid because I don't know what's going to happen, but we're going to trust God. But I'm going to, I'm going to trust God. I'm going to, I'm going to believe that things are going to turn around and I'm going to do my very best. And I want you to watch and see what God does. I want you to watch and see how life plays.

Treveal C.W. Lynch (09:10.168)
plays out and pans out, I want you to watch this process. And so it is a, for me, it was always an opportunity for me to share the process because if I'm going through it, they're gonna have to go through it. And this was a way as a father to prepare them and to empower them and to ready them for the cares of life, the struggles and ups and downs and the ebbs and flows of life, knowing that they're gonna have to face these things as well. So instead

being prideful and trying to protect them or trying to protect myself, my ego, I used my moments of being afraid as an opportunity to, as my notes here say, use my pain for their progress. By sharing my perspective, it was an opportunity for me to inspire them rather than protect them. See, many times as parents, we like to say, well,

I'm not gonna share my business with them. They're too young to understand or I'm trying to protect them from the cares of life. And many times when we don't know, when we do that, we don't know that we're setting them up for failure. We're actually preventing some of the early development that could take place, some of the early equipping and empowering that could take place.

if we were fathers who were more honest and genuine with where we were in that particular season of our lives. And then the same is true for the second one. It's the same strategy, but number two is be uncertain. We don't always know. We don't. For many years, right? I have four adult children. There were so many times that I didn't

where the money was coming from. I didn't know how we were gonna make it from this month to that month. I didn't know how to teach them how to be responsible. I didn't know how to do this or do that. I don't know what it is for you. You name it, you frame it, you put it into your context, you make it make sense for you. But there were many things that I didn't know, including fundamentally how to be a father. And so many times when I'm speaking to brothers and I'm speaking to men and they say, how did you become a great father? How did you raise your, you

Treveal C.W. Lynch (11:35.831)
How did you raise your children? How did you do these things without having a blueprint? I said, well, Jesus became my blueprint. Jesus became my example, my model. I just read my Bible and I looked at how Jesus related to other people. And I just tried my very best to relate to my children the way that Jesus related to us. Jesus was loving. Jesus was caring. He was considerate. He was patient.

He listened and he provided as much guidance as he could to those that would listen and to those that would gather around him. He would impart lessons. And so many times I would pray and ask God to give me a solution or give me an insight or lead me on how to share this with my children or lead me on how to do this for my children. And I just hung on to Jesus's

And many times it was answers through prayers or books that I would be led to read or books that someone had mentioned or suggested that I pick up. And I just became a life learner. I became a learner of life. I just took life on as a continual lesson. I'm learning. And so as I learn, I'm going to help my children learn, but they're going to learn best and first in the classroom of the

within my home. See, I believe that it's not up to the educational system. I believe that the first classroom your children should have is your home. I think that the first sanctuary, if you're a person of faith, that your children and your family should enter each day is the one that you create within your home, right? This is where they should meet God. This is where they

be educated and elevated emotionally. This is where they should be equipped and empowered to believe in themselves and to see themselves as something great before they head out into the world. And I just kind of took that on and said, when I'm scared and when I'm uncertain, they're going to know about it. Now, yes, obviously, my wife and I, we didn't share every single thing with them.

Treveal C.W. Lynch (14:00.525)
Because some things they're not mature enough to understand. Some things were too intimate. And some things, to be honest, were too painful to share. But I have cried so many times in front of my children. I have shed so many tears in front of them. I have confessed so many things to them. I have asked for forgiveness so many times from them when I've made mistakes. So in this episode, this first episode,

What I'm really trying to say, what I'm really trying to communicate is if you want to become a father who is followable, a followable father, right? Be honest. Be honest with where you are. Be honest with the season that you're in. Be honest with your emotions. Be honest with your head space. Yes, you can taper

and kind of make it manageable for them to consume. I'm not saying don't be careful with your words. I'm not saying just give it to them, you know, raw and uncut. But I am saying share it with them. I am saying let them know where you are. I am saying don't be prideful. I am saying don't be arrogant. Don't be egotistical. Allow them in. Allow them into your heart space. Allow them into your head space.

Cry in front of them. Share in front of them. Confess in front of them what's appropriate. Ask for forgiveness when you miss your mark. Let them see you go through the ebbs and flows. Model life before them. And I believe that you prepare them for life and they will appreciate you so much more.

because they will be able to relate to you. You will not be any less of a Superman. You will not be any less of a hero. You will not be any less than their champion. They're gonna see you as all these things. They're gonna love you and appreciate you as all these things. But the bond is gonna be even stronger. And the life lessons that they see you living before

Treveal C.W. Lynch (16:27.307)
are going to resonate, they're gonna resolve within the reservoirs of their hearts. So as they grow older, even as the Bible says, they won't depart from this truth. They won't go astray. And even when they attempt to maybe do some things, go some ways that maybe they ought not go and things that they ought not do, they're gonna remember.

They're gonna remember you and they're gonna be inspired to realign themselves with a genuine and an honest and a vulnerable version of themselves because they've seen it modeled in and through your life. That's all that I wanted to share in this episode. I hope and pray that you have received. I hope and pray that I've made sense.

and pray that in some way I have educated and elevated you in whatever ways you were in need of. I love you guys and praying for you guys. I'm believing in you guys. Until next time, Travail CW Lynch. Mr. What What, I am the possible. God loves you. I love you. Be encouraged.