Fix Your Relationship in 3 Minutes! (Do THIS Now)

Summary

In this episode of the I Am The Possible podcast, Treveal dives into a powerful truth about relationships: what others interpret matters more than what we intend. He unpacks why prioritizing interpretation over intention is key to better communication and ultimately better relationships.

Treveal shares three essential steps anyone can take before starting an important conversation—practical tools that help create deeper, more meaningful, and productive interactions. 

If you want to level up your communication and strengthen your relationships, this episode is a must-listen.

Takeaways

• Putting others' interpretation before your intention is crucial.
• People want to feel validated, heard, and valued in conversations.
• The way you present information matters more than the content itself.

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Transcript

Treveal C.W. Lynch (00:06)
Hey guys, welcome to the I Am The Possible podcast experience, the experience. I am Travell CW Lynch and I am your host. If you like the things that I'm sharing here on this podcast, please remember to subscribe, to download, to share, and to send in your questions. Guys, let's get into it. Today's idea, put their interpretation.

before your intentions. Today we're gonna be talking about relationships. What if you could improve any relationship in three simple steps and in just three minutes? Well, that's possible. So let me give you a perspective on that possibility. Putting other people's interpretation

before your intention is a game changer. It's a game changer. When we think about relationships, you have to start with what relationships are built on. Communication. If you want to improve your relationship, you do it by improving your communication. And this is what I want to focus in on today.

a very specific area of your communication. Many times in life, and this is really because this is how God has designed us. We all want to help other people. We're all helpers. We love to contribute to other people's growth and development. We love to give advice. We love to share ideas. We love to help people improve. And whether it's a relationship of ⁓

you know, a husband and a wife or a parent and a child, there's always going to be this element of communicating information that you believe is important for them to receive. The problem is many times we don't consider what really matters. Their interpretation, their interpretation is greater or has a greater level of importance.

than your intention. For example, a parent may have the intention of helping out a child. And so the parent goes up to the child and says, hey, I want you to clean up your room every day. I'm sick and tired of your room being messy. In order for you to be successful in life, you're going to have to learn discipline. So clean up your room every day. The intention is to build discipline. The intention is to help this young person grow and develop in their responsibility.

But did you notice where all of the focus was? All of the focus was on the intention, what I'm trying to give them rather than what they are actually getting from me. A better approach would be, and this is what I'm going to be getting into in just a moment. A better approach is putting their interpretation before your intention. It doesn't mean to get rid of your intention. It just means to

place it secondary. You're going to still have that intention. You still want the best for them. You still want to help them to grow in their discipline and their responsibility, but you're going to flip it. You're going to focus on their interpretation. The same can be true in a romantic relationship. ⁓ Spouses, right? ⁓ You see something maybe off within the life of your spouse and you want to help them change. You want to help them improve. You want to

you know, maybe point something out and you may go to your wife or your husband or your significant other and you just may say something like, hey, you know, you really need to lose weight. Let's just say, for example, right? You need to lose weight. ⁓ You know, I really want you to live longer and, you know, have a higher quality of life. And so, hey, man, you need to hit the gym. Let's just say, for example. Well, your intention was to help them to live longer.

have a greater quality of life, to just be in better shape, maybe aesthetically to even look better. Those were your intentions and those are good intentions. But again, did you notice where the focus was? The focus was on your intention and not so much their interpretation. See, when you're giving whatever advice you're giving or communicating whatever you're communicating, it's not so much what you're giving, but it's what they're getting that makes all the difference.

It's the packaging. It's not the content, but it's the container in which you presented in. I wish I had something in front of me that I could use as a great example. But if I were to give you a great gift in a crappy package, you might not even receive the gift in the first place. Never being able to get to what's inside of the package because the package in and of itself is so crappy.

But the inside, what's in it is of great value. But because you packaged it, but because I packaged it in a way that was really off putting, ⁓ the person that I'm giving it to never actually gets to receive the great ⁓ gift that's on the inside. I hope you get the picture that I'm trying to paint here. So how do we improve this? Again, by improving your communication, you will improve your relationship. People want to...

feel valid, people want to feel heard, they want to be seen, they want to feel valued, they want dignity. This is a great way to go about giving other people exactly what they're needing, exactly what they're desiring, exactly what they're wanting, and in doing so, whatever other great advice you want to give, then you're able to give it and they're able to then receive it.

So I just took some notes here as I always do. I scribble in my little notepad. And so I just want to make sure that I go over some of the key points that I was writing out this morning. So I just want to make sure that I share them with you. And I think that I covered them all. Yep. I pretty much covered them all. So let's go ahead and let's get into these three steps. I want to keep this really short and simple, right? Something you can listen to as you drive to work or, you know, out for a walk or something like that. Let's get right into it, man.

How do you put someone's interpretation before your intention, knowing that it's not what you're giving, but it's what they're getting that makes all the difference. And if you really love them, if you really care about them, then you'll do these three steps and you'll take these three minutes to just repackage. Remember, you're gonna keep your intention. You're just gonna repackage it. You're gonna represent it in a way that is acceptable to them in a way that is well received, right?

a way that is consumable, right? Palatable. That was a word I just learned a couple of weeks ago, right? Really cool word, right? To make it palatable. And this is how we do it. Step number one, I want you to breathe. I want you to take 60 seconds to breathe before you go give that great advice, before you have the conversation with your child or with your spouse. Take 60 seconds and breathe deep and full.

Deep breaths, Take a minute and take some deep breaths. Regulate, right? Get yourself settled in. And then in the next minute, this is step number two, I want you to revisit your intentions. I want you to be crystal clear about your intentions. And this is why. Take a minute to not only revisit why you want to have this conversation or why you want to give this information.

but really lean into what is motivating you to do this. Do you have pure intentions? Meaning pure as in you're really trying to help them that there's no element of you trying to get something from them. There's no manipulation, right? And this is a tough one, man. This is a tough one. You have to really clean out and clear

the manipulation, you have to clear out and clear the you trying to get something from it. I'm going to give you this great advice and it is going to help you, but I'm also on the back end trying to get something from it. Let your intentions be completely pure. Let it truly be for the building up and the edifying of that other person. Okay. That's step number two. And then step number three, I want you to take a moment, a minute, and to imagine what is the

best way to present this information? What is the best way to deliver your message? What is the best way to start this conversation? Here's a freebie, something that I've used. I literally open up the conversation explaining my intention and explaining my approach. I actually let my wife know, this is what I intend. This is where my heart is. This is where my mind is. This is what I desire to communicate. And I just put it out there on the table. I say, listen, I'm not perfect. You're not

No one's perfect. I may say something wrong. It may come out the wrong way, but honey, listen, before we even get into this, my intentions are this. I lay the foundation. tell her what my intentions are. I reassure her that my intentions are pure. And once we have that foundation laid, then I can share what I share in as much love and empathy and consideration and with as much grace.

as I possibly can. I speak slowly. I try to be as clear as I can. I pause. I listen. There's a lot of other things that are going on with it. But I imagine what is the best way before I even start the conversation, what's the best way that this person is going to receive it? I consider them their personality types. I know my wife, she doesn't like meetings. She doesn't like long drawn out conversations. So I consider

How can I summarize my thoughts? How can I bring this up to her in the best way? Like take a minute and really get in there. And so when you do come before that person, whether it's a child or excuse me, whether it's your parent, you're the child, whether it's your spouse, husband, wife, significant other, whoever it is, a friend, coworker, family member, whoever it is, when you approach them, you're going to come with such an energy. You're going to come with such a presence.

that that alone is going to tear down so, so many walls. Okay. So let me give you an example. Let me just give you some things to remember. Number one, put empathy before education. This is the big one for parents, but it's also big for spouses. Cause sometimes we think we're the authoritative figure in the relationship. We're going to tell them what they need to do. We're going to set them straight. We're going to get them right. Right. When the truth is we're all just trying to figure this thing out. Right. So humble yourself. Right. So put

empathy before education. Consider how they're going to receive what you're saying. Consider where they are in their lives. All of this consideration before you actually have the conversation is going to set you up and equip you to really approach them with great empathy. And they're going to feel that empathy. They're going to notice it and recognize it. And they're going to ⁓ receive what you're saying. Number two, I want you to love before you lecture.

Love before you lecture. Put the love before the lecture. I am a extremely long-winded person, so sometimes my conversation can come off like a lecture, like a keynote speech or something like that. But put the love first. Tell them how much you love them. Appreciate them. Let them know that you're about to have this conversation, you know, again, because of these reasons. Set the tones. You know, share the intentions with as much love and grace as you possibly can. Put the love before

the lecture, let that mean whatever that needs to mean to you. Guys, these three steps, these three minutes, breathe, revisit your intentions, make sure that they're pure, and three, imagine what is the best way to deliver this information to that other person. Is it foolproof? Of course not. A lot of things go into this.

time of the day, that person's mood, the seriousness of your relationships, issues, if you have an issues, other factors that may not even have anything to do with you. So I'm not telling you this is bulletproof. It's a hundred percent guaranteed, but I can promise you if you make this a practice, if you make this something that you do, if this becomes who you are, if this becomes the way that you communicate, I promise you that the arguing, the disagreements,

the fighting, all of that other stuff, the misunderstandings, they're going to lessen to a great degree. They're going to have less of that mess in your life and in your relationships. All right? That's it. That's the idea. Put their interpretation before your intentions and watch your relationship improve.