How to Find Direction In Life (Christian Men)

Feeling alone in your faith journey?

In this episode of the I Am The Possible Podcast, Treveal C.W. Lynch speaks directly to Christian men who struggle with isolation and the weight of “doing it all on their own.” He reveals why success is built on relationships—not isolation—and how having a mentor can transform your spiritual walk, your personal growth, and your ability to lead in every area of life.

Treveal opens up about his own experiences with mentors—how they gave him perspective, held him accountable, and protected him from blind spots he couldn’t see on his own. Through candid stories and practical insight, he breaks down:

• Why Christian men often feel lost and unsupported
• How mentorship fuels motivation, accountability, and spiritual growth
• Simple, actionable steps to find a mentor

If you’re tired of trying to “figure it all out” alone, this episode will show you how to build real connections, gain wise counsel, and step into the fullness of who God has called you to be.

Key Takeaways:

• Many Christian men feel isolated and “on an island” in their faith and life.
• Success and growth come through relationships! 
• Trying to do everything alone often leads to burnout, confusion, and stagnation.
• A mentor provides perspective, protection, and partnership.

Transcript

Treveal C. W. Lynch (00:05)
Hey guys, welcome to the I am the possible podcast experience the place where possibilities become perspective and where men are given the information that they need to overcome self doubt burnout and social stigmas guys welcome into this space and into this place. I am your host Treveal C. W. Lynch and I am really excited because I'm in a season

where there's a little transition happening. There's a little narrowing of the focus happening and I'm super excited about it. But before I get into any of that, let me thank you. Let me start off with you. You're the reason I do what I do. You are the cause for my pause right now. ⁓ I just want to thank you, right? As I always say, your presence is the greatest present that you guys could ever give me. So thank you so much for rocking with me. Thank you so much for.

every download for every share every comment every like thank you for every watch for every view for every listen i super appreciate you guys now before i get into today's ⁓ episode i just want to say that in this season of transition i just want to ⁓ kind of let you know that the next couple of episodes they're going to start to move and gravitate toward

I'm really targeting Christian men. I really feel a pull. I really feel a conviction to serving Christian men. Now I'm still on the fence of am I going completely to creating episodes? Because I know that my content online and my content other places and the things that I'm creating just in the world, they're going to be serving Christian men specifically.

but I wanna still kind of decide on how I'm gonna approach this podcast game. Am I gonna start a secondary podcast for Only Men? Am I gonna just kind of blend it into this one? Because this one was constructed with a more broad vision, a greater vision in terms of just the content that I would provide. So I'm still, you know, kind of up in the air with that, but.

As I continue to grow, evolve, develop, and mature in what God's called me to, I just ask for your patience and your prayers, okay? All right, so let's jump into it. Today, I'm taking a new approach. As a teacher, I'm gonna begin to teach, man. I'm gonna really begin to teach. And so I've got my little iPad over here with all of my notes, and I'm just really ready to dive into this. Today's episode, we're gonna...

We're going to title this one, the number one reason Christian men feel lost. No one talks about this. The number one reason Christian men feel lost. No one talks about this. Now I'm sure someone talks about this, but it's not being talked about enough. It's not being brought up enough. It's not being highlighted enough. So I'm going to do my part because it's something that I absolutely believe in. But before I get to that one reason, that one thing,

I want to ask you a question. you are a Christian man out there listening today, I want to ask you a question. Are you trying to lead? Are you trying to stay strong? Are you trying to grow spiritually? But you continue to feel isolated. You continue to feel unseen, unsupported. You feel devalued. It's like you're trying to hold it all together publicly, but

in private, right? You're falling apart, ⁓ you know, when it's just you. It's like you're trying to, and this is one of the things that I'm going to always look to address, are these stigmas that men really get suffocated by. We're trying to live, we're trying to breathe as men, and these stigmas, they just keep suffocating. They have like a suffocating hold.

It's like it's so hard to get away from these stigmas because they're just so ingrained in our culture and even within the church. But one of the stigmas for men, and I may be speaking to you today, is that you're always trying to do things on your own. You're trying to make it happen on your own. I used to have a close buddy and every time I would...

I would call him or text him whatever and he would always say, trying to make it happen, make it happen, make it happen. But he was always solo. He was always trying to make it happen on his own. And so that's one of the things that we have to deal with as men. We're kind of taught, we're kind of pushed into this concept of stand on your own two feet, grind, do your thing, you do it, you make it happen. ⁓ If it's up, what's the old one? If it's to be, then it's up to me, right? It's all of these things about...

doing things on your own. But let me jump right into my content today because I want to let you know something. The success of anything is built on the back of relationship.

Yeah, the success of anything is built on the back of relationship. I don't care what you name. It is not successful if it does not succeed in the area of solid relationships. You can take nature. A tree cannot stand without a proper relationship with the ground. Doesn't happen. Why? That's where its roots goes. If you uproot the tree and it no longer has a relationship, a connection,

with the soil, with the ground, what does the tree do? It falls over. Think about business, right? What do we do? We create partnerships, handshakes, contracts. That's relationships. What about marriages, right? They get strained because the relationship is strained. So when the relationship kind of falls apart, then the marriage itself falls apart. I don't care what area of life you name, it's going to be...

a relationship that's going to create the success. And you and I, my brothers, we are no different. We require a certain kind of relationship if we're going to succeed in the way that we want to succeed, if we want to grow and develop the way that we want to grow and develop. I see so many men trying to grow and develop on their own and they're not able to.

Because of this one reason. So let me get right to it. Mentorship. Yeah. Mentorship. Not just your buddies, your homies, your friends, your boys you go out to drink with, your boys you watch the game with, your boys you chop it up with. No, I'm talking about a mentor. I'm talking about a man in your life that provides a voice of validation, a voice of value. They provide companionship. They provide conversation that is edifying, that is

building that is constructive on purpose. Not just here and there once in a while. Now I'm not saying get rid of your friends. I'm not saying that your homeboys ain't worth anything. No, that's not what I'm saying. What I am saying is mentorship is vital in the life of any man that desires to go far or to do anything worth doing. The relationship of mentorship.

It's the ability to relate to another man that is further ahead or a little higher or a little more advanced in a particular area that you need to grow in and that you need to develop in. Right. Let me tell you, kind of going off my notes, but one of the things, one of the things for me, and I'm going to share some of my stories is that for me, um, I would not be where I am today if it was not, or if it were not for

for men, for mentors in my life. Father's Day is coming up soon. Usually on Father's Day, I do like a Facebook Live where I just go down the line and I just thank all of the specific men that have played a role in my life. I know for a fact, I would not be where I am had it not been for the many men that have mentored me in the specific areas that I cared about most, that was most valuable to me over the course of my

my life. Since about the age of 23, you know, I've been fortunate enough to link up with another man that, and I'm kind of going to jump the gun a little bit as always do, ⁓ that has the kind of character and the kind of morality and the kind of man that looks like I want to look, right? Not aesthetically, not on the outside, but they carry a certain

I don't know, just a sense of manhood, a sense, ⁓ they're like a model of what I desire in my own life. And I've been very fortunate. But you know, not every man is ⁓ aware of this need. Not every man is ⁓ really encouraged to establish mentorship in their lives. You may hear about it here or there. You may see it on television here or there.

But I'm talking about a real push, a real quest for establishing and maintaining mentorship in your life. This is the one reason that we as Christian men, we feel lost. Because many times we want direction and we don't allow another mature man to speak into our lives.

We want to establish something. We want a great marriage, but we don't look to men who are married, who are successful in that area, and we don't sit down with them and have a cup of coffee with them and say, hey man, can I pick your brain? We want to improve in our finances, but we just refuse to go to people who we know are doing better financially to say, hey man, let's sit down for a cup of coffee, boom, and let me ask you a few questions. You see where I'm going with this?

See, mentorship is you humbling yourself and saying there's some areas in my life that I would love to do much, much better in, and I'm going to look to a man who is mature, who is successful, and who models the kind of growth in a particular area that I want to have in my life. So one of the things that I've done

over the years I've looked to very specific men for specific reasons like I'm not gonna say I want to grow spiritually, but I'm gonna look at a man that may not be Super strong spiritually, but he's great financially and go to him for the spiritual things and vice versa Right. I know brothers who are strong, you know spiritually, but maybe they're not doing so great financially Right not that they're doing bad

but they're not like really up on game when it comes to building and growing wealth. I hope you get my flow here. It's the idea of handpicking men who at the very foundation have a faith and who are, you know, strong, you know, in their character and their morality, someone that you can trust, someone that you can confide in, something that, you know, someone that you can believe in, but then they have...

these very unique areas of expertise. I just call them specialists. So I got a brother that, excuse me, I've got a brother that I go to for my finances, right? Shout out to my brother Rusty Proctor. I go to Rusty when it's time for finances. Not saying that he's not strong in other areas, but I know that that's his bread and butter. I know that's where he can add the most value.

Now he and I, we're friends in general. We spend time together. We've done business together. We love to hang out. We like some of the same things. So he's a general, you know, all around great guy. But my point is, that when I look for mentorship, when I look to have someone pour into my life to advise me, to guide me, then I'm looking to Rusty in the area of finances.

If I'm looking for something in some other area, then I've got other men that I go to. So I hope and pray that you get really what I'm trying to say here. So let me just share a couple of stories, man. I remember, ⁓ and this really talks about guidance, right? And making decisions. I remember several years ago, many, many years ago, actually, ⁓ over 10 years ago. And I was not a pastor yet, right?

I hadn't been ordained. hadn't, you know, answered that call yet, but I felt some of the rumblings and other people had seen some things in me. so it was one of those things that was just kind of on my heart and kind of on my mind, right? And so I remember sitting down with Dewayne Cantrell, man. Shout out to my man, Pastor Dewayne, Dr. Dewayne Cantrell. ⁓ He's since moved on to a church, starting his own church with his wife, Angel. They're out in Bakersfield now.

But at that time he was in our local church, Pasadena Church, and he was just a pastor on staff. And he and I, had a great relationship. And he was over working over at, at Maranatha High School and he had an office up on the second floor. And I remember one time going over there, maybe it was for like lunch or something like that. And we were having a conversation about being a pastor. And at that time, again, I hadn't, I hadn't said yes to it, right? And so I remember kicking back with him and like talking about it.

And I remember Dwayne was like, man, a pastor? Because I shared with him all of the reasons, right? I had my laundry list of all the reasons why I didn't want to be a pastor, right? It was like, man, that looks boring. That ain't my alley. That ain't my lane. That ain't up my alley. ⁓ But then he gave me, which I'm going to get into later on, he gave me a dope perspective. It was really a truth. But he said, Travell, a pastor is a shepherd.

There's no one way to shepherd anybody. Like you've given me this laundry list of why you don't want to be a pastor because you think a pastor is Sunday morning preaching. You think a pastor is a robe and a choir. You think a pastor is the grand pooper chairs up on the stage. All of the stuff that you ain't really rocking with. You have this you you've got this ⁓ diluted ⁓ maybe foggy perspective of what it means to be

a pastor, he's like, a pastor is a shepherd. Do you have a shepherd's heart? Do you want to care for the flock? Do you want to mentor? Do you want to coach? Do you want to cover other people? And I was like, yeah, you know, yeah, that makes sense. He was like, there's no one way to shepherd people. And so that opened up my heart and it opened up my mind. And I believe that it was critical, right? It was, was, it, it, it, it,

It played a huge part in me later on fasting and praying and allowing God to reveal to me that, I've called you to be a pastor. As a teacher, I've called you to also shepherd in a very specific way, right? But it was through looking to Duane, through his mentorship, through me submitting to another man's voice who was further along and more mature than me, right? It was my humility, you feel me?

It was me getting over the stigma that I gotta do it on my own. I gotta do it by myself. I gotta figure it out myself. Do know how long it's gonna take for you to figure it out yourself? Like save yourself some time. Stop trying to figure it out yourself. Just get a mentor, okay? So that opened me up, man. The other thing that I wanted to share was that one of the major things that I've discovered, and I don't know if you guys, ⁓ if you guys, ⁓

feel this way too. There's something about...

There's something about companionship and conversations. Like having another brother in your life that you can go and talk to and share things with and be honest and be transparent. And you don't gotta fake it. You don't gotta look a certain way, sound a certain way, be a certain way. Like you can just be yourself around that brother, knowing that that brother is gonna hold space for you. In other words,

He's going to show up with the intent of being of service to you, not distracted by other things and not trying to push any agenda. That's what holding space really means, right? Just trying to be with you in the journey, right? There's something about it, man. And if you don't have that established in your life, that's why you feel lost, right? Because sometimes you don't even have to know where you're going. Just as long as you got somebody with you, you good.

And that's what a mentor does. Sometimes you don't know where life is taking you. You don't know what's around the corner. But as long as you got another brother in your court with you, you got another brother side by side, locked arms, shoulder to shoulder, you got somebody else with you, then you can continue to take the next steps forward. And sometimes that's all it takes in life. It's just you taking the next steps forward. But sometimes you taking the next steps forward.

depends on you having a brother in your life that in just a moment I'll share the five benefits to having, you know, a mentor in your life, having that man in your life to help you to take those steps forward. It's just something about it. Something about it, man. So let me jump right into this, man, all right? So I'm gonna share what mentors provide and then I'm gonna share how to get started. All right? Hope I've done a good enough job with just kind of sharing like what mentorship is and just why it's so critical, right?

All right, man, number one, and yes, I've got five P's, right? These are my five P's to why you need a mentor or what mentors provide. All right, number one, they provide perspective, right? My spiritual mentor, shout out to Kenichi Yoshida. ⁓ He provides me with a worldview that I never would have had unless I was in a relationship with him. He widens my lens. He helps me to see the world beyond

California, beyond America, beyond the local church, beyond my local context. And that is so beneficial to me. I see the world in a whole different way and I'm able to be more empathetic, more compassionate, more caring, more present with humanity since I've linked up with Kenichi and he's helped me to mature in my ability to humanize and to give dignity.

and to be present with men, right? It's something about the things that he's revealing to me, showing me, exposing me to. I see the world much larger. I see God much larger. I see myself much larger. I see my family much larger. I had a very small scope, but through Kenichi's mentorship spiritually, I've broadened, right, my perspective, and I see the world in a whole different way.

And that means that I become like better in who I am. So whoever I'm serving, guess what? When I go out to serve, they get a greater version of me. They get a more well-rounded version of me, a more compassionate, a more empathetic, a more loving, a more genuine me. I'm able to talk to people groups. I'm able to talk to, you know, different genders or different whatever's because I've grown to appreciate them.

because of Kenichi's mentorship. So perspective is the first thing. Second, mentors provide a picture or a example, right? It's a temporary template. And what I mean by that is that you're not trying to replicate them step-for-step. You're not trying to become them, but they provide a picture of what you desire to be. And it's in that picture you're able to continue to look at something and say, okay,

I'm able to look at him, reflect on myself. Okay, these are some areas I need to improve in. Okay, I keep looking at something. Jesus was a picture. I believe that's why Jesus says, come follow me, come follow me.

You notice he didn't just say, listen to me. Now, of course, of course, excuse me, following Christ, there was an element of listening, sermon on the mound. Every time he's opened his mouth, right? He was speaking nothing but truth, nothing but wisdom, nothing but love. But there was also something in following Christ, observing the Christ, watching the Christ, do what the Christ does, right? So mentors give you a picture. Thirdly, they give you a partnership.

They're in the ship with you, right? It becomes a bond. And the note that I took down for here is it provides authentic accountability. Why? Because with this partnership, your success becomes their success. Now they have a built-in incentive. They're looking at you honoring who they are. They're honoring who you are, and they want you to win. Mentors want you to win.

because now there is a partnership, a relationship, there's a connectivity that's happening. And when you win, they get to share in that joy. When you're healed, they get to share in that joy. When you make progress, they get to share in that joy, you see? So there's a built-in incentive for them. They want to see you win, so you have a partnership. Number four, they provide protection. Shout out to, ⁓ I forgot his name.

forgot his name. It's not coming up right out. There it is. Okay, just had a little brain slip right there Darren Atwater shout out to my brother Darren Atwater now. He's not a mentor up close But he's a mentor from afar, right? And I'm gonna be talking about that in just a moment Sometimes your mentors are not those that are like right up on you Sometimes mentors are ones that you can look at and watch from a distance They're doing things in the world that inspire you that motivate you that give you

a frame of reference of what excellence is. And Darren Atwater, he's a conductor, a writer, a musician for this amazing symphony out in Baltimore. And I've been following him for years, watching him for years. And every now and then we'll jump on IG and he'll just DM me one or two words. And it carries me for years. But one of the things that he shared with me is something called Blindspots.

watching your blind spots. You know how in a car you got your mirrors, you're checking the mirrors and everything, but you still got a blind spot. There's still an area in your life that you just can't see no matter how great of a driver you are. You've checked that mirror, you checked that mirror, you checked that mirror. Like you've checked all your mirrors and you are an excellent driver, yet there is still a blind spot. And if you try to get over in a different lane and there's another car coming, boom, you crash.

A mentor is a protector. He sees your blind spots. He can look at you and see what you can't see. They can look into you and see what you can't see. And they help to protect you. They give you the heads up like, yo man, I hear what you're saying, but I see some things in you. You might want to give that some attention. You might want to consider that. You might want to look out right there. Right? So you got that protection. And then number four, man, they are a push.

Sometimes we just need some good old fashioned motivation. When things slow down, we get in a rut, we start feeling some type of way, we get disappointed, we don't know what to do with something, something hit us and we didn't see it coming. Having a mentor in your life, they're that pick me up and push, right? They help to pick you up, they help to push you a little further, right? When you just ain't got nothing left.

Sometimes they can just push you over the finish line. You ever see those races where athletes are just, they're just, you know, maybe like a marathon or something. And they're just at a couple of yards out from the finish line and they're just, their legs are buckling, you know, just the acid is built up in the legs and they're just depleted and they just ain't got no energy stores left, all the, you know, glucose and everything, then just dry it up.

And they're just collapsing it and then there's that one person that comes along and just says, know what? We gonna get across this finish line together. We gonna get across it together. That's what I think about when I think about a mentor. We're gonna cross this line together. I'm gonna pick you up. I'm gonna help you get across that finish line. I'm not gonna let you stay down. I'm not gonna let you not finish. That's what I wanna be for you.

That's what I want to be for you. ⁓ Let me just do the shameless plug here. I am starting a Facebook community. I'm starting with Facebook because they're the easiest to kind of get going. Won't cost me anything, but I'm sure I'm going to at some point transition it to something a little bit more stable. But I'm to be kicking off really soon a online coaching community where I can just mentor men. Won't cost a thing.

an act of service, a way that we can continue these kinds of conversations and help every man get a mentor in their lives. I believe in it that much. All right, so if you are a brother and you are listening and you are interested in a mentor, this is how you want to get started. Number one, I want you to pray for alignment. If you don't have a mentor and you want a mentor, this is how you get started. Number one, pray for alignment. Pray that God gives you discernment and gives you alignment.

You need someone who works with you. You have to have some things in common and you just have to have some things where you're just a good fit. So pray for discernment and look for that good fit. Number two, look locally. Look locally, start locally. All of the brothers that I connected with were back in Toledo here in California, but they were in my local church or I met them at the gym or something like that. Wherever you already go, start looking there.

They don't have to get in the, get online and start, you know, looking all somewhere out, just local, right where you already are in the spaces and places that you already visit, where you already spend time. Do that. Half of mine came from church, from the gym. ⁓ where else? ⁓ those are the only two that really come to mind right now. But the point is I found my mentors in places and spaces that I was already spending time in. All right. That's not.

Let's not overcomplicate it. Number three, seek a man that possesses the character traits that you desire. Right? So they have to be, or they at least should be someone who inspires you. Someone who by their very presence pulls you forward. Right? They have to be someone that you look to and say, yeah, that's the kind of guy I want to be. That's the kind of man I want to be. Right? So you want to look for men who possess that character trait that you desire to ⁓ create within yourself.

Fourthly, ask directly, set the expectations. So when you do identify a brother and you say, hey, man, you know, can I treat you to a cup of coffee, whatever? Hey, I was thinking about getting a mentor and I was wondering, ⁓ you know, would you be willing? Whatever, right? Start small, right? Once a month, whether it be a call, it can start off as text messages, phone calls, or at the local coffee shop, whatever that looks like for you.

but you want to ask these brothers directly. Let them know that you're looking to grow in some areas. You're looking to, you know, find some direction in life. You're looking to grow and level up in these specific areas of your life and let them know your intention and let them know that you've been watching them and that you see that they possess the kind of things that you want to possess. Let them know that directly so that they are very clear about the ask so that there's no...

miscommunication or misunderstanding and now you have expectations of them but then they're not providing them because they never knew that you saw them that way. Tell them that you see them as a potential mentor and you would like them to consider mentoring you and start small. Start small. Let it grow from there. If you guys are clicking and things are popping then hey, like brothers do, we're gonna find ways to hang out. We're gonna find ways to increase the frequency.

of getting together and chopping it up. So start small. And then lastly, if none of that stuff locally works for you, then I will suggest that you join some sort of online community group, right? Like the one I'm starting, ⁓ but something, a meetup group. ⁓ This could be brothers that you don't even know, but there's some meetup groups locally in your area. My point is, is that if you can't find men that are just

readily available, yeah, open it up to spaces and places that you don't go very often that you can plug into, listen, watch. And when you identify somebody that they might be a good candidate, they might be a good fit for me, then that's when you want to go ahead and make your move and go and ask them and see about making that connection. But again, man, in closing, like I said, I don't know the name of it yet. ⁓

how it's all gonna fit together, but I will be including that information in the show notes. I will be including that information in upcoming episodes as I develop that Facebook group because I want anyone who is interested to ⁓ be able to get the mentorship that they desire and that they deserve. All right, so that's it, man, for this one. Yeah, go ahead and wrap it up, man. I hope and pray that you guys have received some value.

If you are a man and you know another man that might need this episode, please pass it on. It only takes a few seconds to hit a button somewhere on your smartphone, hit a share and go ahead and text it or send it out. You know how we do. But that's it, man. I love you all. I'm praying for you all. I believe in you all, man. Thank you all so much for rocking with me once again. ⁓ Some of you guys are listening, but if you are listening or if you're watching, right, I am continuously.

looking to grow my YouTube channel. So if you are not watching this on the tube, you should be watching on the tube. Okay, so please subscribe to my YouTube channel. Let other folks know about the YouTube channel. It is I am the possible on YouTube. Would love to have you guys subscribe and hit that notification busy L so that you can be notified each and every time I drop new content. I love y'all for your support, man. Love y'all for your presence. You guys are awesome.

Until next time, man, this is Treveal C. W. Lynch. This is the I Am The Possible Podcast Experience. The place where possibilities become perspective and where men can get the information that they need to overcome self-doubt, burnout, and these social, structural stigmas. You ain't got a man up. You gotta find a man to link up.

with you feel me you dig alright man see y'all next time