When Doing Good Goes Bad: How to Keep Going When They Don’t Appreciate You

In this special edition of the I Am The Possible podcast, I walk with you—literally and spiritually—through what to do when doing good goes bad. 

We'll explore the feelings of disappointment and frustration that arise when our efforts to help others go unappreciated. 

We'll address the importance of self-reflection, understanding our own needs, and the necessity of letting go of expectations. 

We'll look at practical ways to transform our pain into purpose, embrace a new perspective and ultimately finding fulfillment in the act of giving itself.

In this episode, 
⁣
🎧 You’ll learn:
✅ The one question to ask before you give again
✅ The real root of your disappointment and how to address it
✅ How to detach from expectations and still live fulfilled
⁣⁣
If you’re tired of being the strong one… the nice one… the selfless one who feels empty afterward—this episode can be your reset.
⁣
You’re not alone. You’re not weak. And you’re not crazy for wanting to feel seen.

✨ Are you tired of where you are?

✨Are you tired of trying your best to do better in life but feeling like there’s something you can’t quite figure out what that thing is thets holding you back? 

👇 You’re one conversation away from clarity!

Schedule your 🆓 Clarity Call today!

👇

https://bit.ly/claritycallwithtreveal

⁣
Let’s grow through this—together.

Transcript

Treveal C.W. Lynch (00:00)
You feel disappointed. You feel a little deflated. You feel like they're taking you for granted.

you bent over backwards again, you went the extra mile again, and they didn't appreciate it. They didn't recognize it. Perhaps they didn't even thank you. Today's episode of the I Am The Possible podcast experience is for the individual today who feels like, you know, I'm just tired of

doing for others, sticking my neck out, bending over backwards. What is it all for? I'm just tired of people taking advantage of me, not really appreciating what I have done or what I'm doing for them.

If that's you, today's episode is for you. Welcome to the, I am the possible podcast experience, the place where possibilities become perspective. I am your host, your veil seat, W Lynch, Mr. What, what? And today I want to take a different route.

Today, I'm introing a separate video that I took this morning as I was on my walk.

I had a pretty rough day this week. And, ⁓

I want to meet you where you are if you've had some rough days this week. I think I can identify. think that we're on the same page. Yet I am encouraged and I hope and pray that through me sharing that I might encourage you as well.

Today we're gonna be talking about when doing good goes bad. When you try to do for others. When you try to make the world a better place for those around you. When you try to give of yourself. And it feels like the repayment.

is no payment at all.

is just overlooked or ignored or at worse, even as the Bible says, cast not your pearls before swine for they may trample all over them and devour you. And that's how I felt. And that may be how you feel. And I want to meet you in that space and in that place. I want to take you on a little walk.

with me this morning.

So I'm gonna cut to this video and then I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna give you three things you can do when this happens to you.

Treveal C.W. Lynch (03:33)
This morning you feel discouraged. You feel a little deflated. You feel a little betrayed because you expected them to appreciate what you did for them. You showed up for them. You did your best and they trampled all over it. As the Bible talks about, we cast our

our pearls, our precious gifts before swine.

They didn't see it. They didn't see you. They didn't appreciate what you did. And now you're in a space and a place where you're dealing with those feelings. And it's not so much the feelings, but it's the narrative that's being written within those feelings. I'm done bending over backwards. I'm done helping folks. I'm done trying.

to do for other people. I'ma just do me.

I know those feelings very well. I know that narrative very well.

I'm not telling you don't feel those feelings. I'm not even telling you not to write that story or to entertain that narrative. I'm only here to encourage you as I'm encouraging myself this morning.

to at the end of it all, after feeling whatever we're gonna feel, experiencing whatever we're gonna experience, to decide that it's not going to stop us from being who we are. It's not gonna rob me of my joy. It's not gonna rob me of my peace. It's not gonna rob me of my happiness. It's not gonna rob me of my authenticity. Temporarily,

I feel some type of way, but I've decided ahead of time that, yep, I'm gonna go through this. I'm gonna feel these feelings. I'm gonna allow these emotions to be present, not judging them, not trying to push them away, but to allow them to be what they are, to be true to the moment, to lean in, as we say. But I'm also making a decision.

at the end of it.

I'm not gonna lose myself. I'm gonna still be me. I'm gonna still do what I do because I'm not gonna continue to, and this is the mistake, attach my joy, peace, happiness, authenticity to expectations of how others respond to my goodness, to my charity, to my attempts to help.

or to uplift or to encourage or to do any good toward them. That is the mistake. Unknowingly attaching our peace, joy, happiness, authenticity, attaching it to expectations that are dependent on how they respond. It happens to the best of us. It happens to me.

and perhaps is happening to you.

Not saying to try to avoid it. Obviously be conscious of it. Be aware of it. But when it happens, don't beat yourself up. Just say it happens.

course correct, recalibrate, start again. We can all lose ourselves in this thing called life. It's okay.

just reset.

and continue to be who you are. Hold fast to that authenticity. Hold fast to that genuine you. Don't let the disappointment rob you of being who you really are. And ⁓ just to say as an example, this is what I do.

After I've done all the things that I just explained, I pay it forward. I don't allow my pain to get away with not paying something forward. Someone coming across this video today is going to benefit from my story, from my pain. I make my pain pay. Kind of have a conversation with it. Hey pain.

You're gonna pay. You're not just gonna be within me. You're just not gonna come upon me and then leave without making a payment forward in someone else's life. So, that's what I do.

Again, just wanted to share part of my life this morning. Meet you where you are. For whom this concerns. Let it be whatever it needs to be for you. I attach no expectation to your response. It'll be whatever it will be for you. If it is anything. That's it. I'm out.

Treveal C.W. Lynch (09:30)
Okay guys, welcome back. I hope that was an encouragement to you and as I promised you, I want to now give you three things that you can do each and every time this happens to you and shows up in your life. Alright? It actually gives us three opportunities. So I'm gonna break these down.

Opportunity number one.

It reminds us of the need for us to ask ourself a very important question before we do a good deed for others. Right? Before we do that good thing, before we do that good deed, before we do them a favor, before we do whatever it is that we desire to do in service of someone else, we need to ask ourselves.

Do I need anything in return for this? Is there anything within me that needs, expects, requires some sort of response? Sometimes even in our doing, we're doing it for them, but secretly deep down within us. You're not conscious of it, but it's still there.

We're in need of something. We want to feel better about ourselves. We want to feel like we've, you know, stepped up for someone or showed up for someone, whatever it might be. But number one, it gives us an opportunity to be reminded, hey, before I do a good thing, let me ask myself, if I do this, is there anything I need from them? Do I need for them to respond?

in any specific way and be honest with yourself. And if the answer is yes, then maybe, maybe you shouldn't do it. And if you really want to do it, because you see that person in need or whatever the situation is, ⁓ then maybe this gives you the opportunity to pray to say, Lord, I need a change of heart. I need a change of perspective. I want to do this, but I also, hey,

acknowledge, I also recognize I'm being honest with myself, I really want them to respond in this particular way. And so that just gives you an opportunity to become more aware of what's happening within you and then to deal with that thing accordingly. ⁓ Number two,

This gives us an opportunity when it happens to in hindsight, do that reflection. ⁓ It's kind of associated with the first one, but now it's you've already done it and maybe you forgot to question yourself or for whatever reason it's past tense. You've already done it. This gives you the second opportunity to then reflect on what

part of you.

needs anything from anyone.

Because if you were deflated, you were disappointed, if you were negatively impacted by their lack of gratitude or response, or they didn't thank you enough, or they didn't respond the way that you wanted them to, then that reveals that there's something within us. There's a part of us that's attached to.

the outcome, it's attached to them responding in a certain way. There's an expectation there, right? Even as a video talked about. So now you get to say, where in me, what part of me needs to be healed? Where do I need to address this void, this desire, this need, this want to be recognized for what I did?

And then you can respond accordingly, whether it's through coaching, something I provide, or a therapist, right? A professional therapist, because some of these things go deep, right? Beyond my qualifications as a coach. Perhaps it's a mentor. Maybe you need to have a conversation with someone, right? But you need to respond accordingly because you've identified, hey, there's something in me.

that is still in need of some form of validation or gratitude from someone else. And that's not a healthy place to be, to be dependent on someone's response or reaction to the good things that you're doing in the world. And then lastly, the opportunity is for you to pay it forward, right? Even as I talked about in the video, making your pain pay as I call it, right? Paying the pain forward.

Right? Not, not, you know, as we say, hurt people, hurt people, not you were hurt tonight. You go and hurt somebody else. Don't don't pay it forward like that. No, you you you sit with it and you say, OK, I'm going to feel these emotions. I'm going to embrace this is hurt. I'm going to embrace this disappointment. ⁓ Yet I'm also simultaneously deciding that I'm going to be inspired by this.

pain and their suffering. The way I look at it is if I'm dealing with this someone else is and sometimes someone knowing that they're not alone is an amazing blessing. Sometimes someone knowing that even someone that they look up to or they admire or they trust struggle in similar ways it just helps them get through the day, the moment, the season, whatever it might be.

And so in your own way, I make videos, I create content, I do podcast episodes, I make YouTube videos, I do coaching and counseling, right? There's ways that I do it, but find a way that you can do it, that you can pay that pain forward in a way that benefits someone else. Don't let that pain off the hook. Don't just feel it, internalize it, suffer with it, get your help, get your counseling and heal, and then just keep it all to yourself. We are, remember,

as I've shared in past episodes, we are lights lighting lights, like a match, right? One match is on fire, the other match, ⁓ you know, hasn't been lit. We're the match lighting the match. Each one teach one, each one reach one, right? So it's let your light light someone else's light. But even in that, you still have to go back to the first one, because even when you pay it forward, even when you pay the pain forward,

You have to do it again in a way that I'm just putting it out into the universe. I'm just putting it out into the world. I'm just putting it out into the cosmos. I'm just putting it out into society. I'm just putting it out for whoever needs to consume it whenever they need to consume it. Sometimes, especially with content creators, we put stuff out there, we post it or whatever it is, and it may not get a lot of looks, views, likes, shares, whatever you want to call it.

comments, whatever, right? Engagement, as they call it. It may not get a lot of engagement initially, but I've had videos that I posted years ago or, you know, podcast episodes I posted years ago because they send me these statistics and these statistics show up and it's like, I made that video in 2023. It's 2025 and someone just downloaded it yesterday because it meets them when they

They need it. So you're just releasing it. You're putting it out there and then you're letting it go. You're trusting that people on their journey will come across it. They will accept it. ⁓ They will get it whenever they get it, however they get it. And we don't get to decide. We don't get to choose. We don't get to try to force it on anyone. We just pay it forward. However we feel best and whatever aligns with who we are. ⁓

and we just let it go, but we don't let it not do something beneficial for someone else. I think it's therapeutic. I think it's encouraging. I think it's inspiring. And I think it's purposeful. I think it's a part of our purpose as we, and I'll end with this. know, without death, there is no birth. You can look at it in nature. You can look at it in...

relationships, you know, one season dies off so that another season can be birthed, right? You look at the acorn that becomes the oak tree. It has to break open its shell. It has to sink within the soil. It has to die to its current state and form in order for the greater state and form to emerge. There has to be death in order for life to be. Is life after death?

Right, you can chop that up a million different ways, right? As we say, that a preach. There's always life after death. You have to let it go. You have to die to the expectation. You have to die to the attachment. You have to die to desiring and wanting someone to do something for you in a particular way. You have to die to expecting the best of other people.

You have to die to expecting people to treat you the way you treat them. You have to die to expecting people to show up for you the way that you're showing up for them. The gift that you have and the gift that you offer to the world at some point in time, if you're going to be happy, if you're going to live a joyful life, if you're going to live a life that is fulfilled and satisfying, you're gonna have to come to a decision, to a point, to a state within yourself.

that the giving of the gift in and of itself is truly enough. And that takes time, that takes practice, it's not easy.

think it's worth it. I think it's worth it and it's a journey. And I want to take that journey with you. I want to walk with you. I'm in this thing with you. Right? So don't be so hard on yourself. When we miss the mark, we just take another shot. That's it. All right. I hope you guys have been encouraged by this episode and it has added value to you whenever you come across it.

Alright, that is it for today. Love you guys, praying for you guys, believing in you guys. This is Trevail C.W. Lynch. Mr. What What. This has been another episode, another experience of the I Am The Possible Podcast. The place where possibilities become perspective. God bless you.