Why Affirmations Don't Work (Try This Instead)

In this eye-opening episode, Treveal C.W. Lynch delves into the reasons why affirmations might not be working for you. 

Drawing from personal experiences and insights, Treveal explores the disconnect between traditional affirmations and authentic self-talk. 

Discover how to transform your mindset by embracing truth and integrating genuine self-awareness. 

Tune in to learn how to replace ineffective affirmations with empowering additions that align with your true self.

Transcript

Treveal C.W. Lynch (00:10)
All right, guys, today we're going to be talking about why affirmations don't work. Maybe you started to use affirmations. Maybe you've tried them in the past, or maybe you're just now trying them for the very first time and they're not really working for you. You heard about them. You did some research on them. You even gathered a few of them. And initially you were a little excited, but after a while things just stayed the same.

They didn't work. They didn't keep you motivated. The fire kind of went out. Initially, you were thinking to yourself, okay, well, maybe if I get some affirmations and I begin to say them in the morning, I'm gonna feel better about myself. Or maybe if I start my day off with a few affirmations, I'm gonna have a better day. I'm gonna take on challenges. I'm gonna be able to overcome obstacles. I'm gonna be a better version of myself. If I just start my day with having

this list of affirmations, I'm going to have these things, I'm going to write them out each day, I'm going to read them out loud, I'm going to embody them, I'm going to envision these things. And it just didn't work out. If you're that person that you're searching for ways to improve yourself, improve the way that you feel about yourself, improve

the way that you take on challenges and your ability to overcome obstacles in your life, the ability for you to get unstuck and to move forward in your life. If you're that kind of person and you've subscribed to Affirmations, but Affirmations have not been working for you, then today's episode I dedicate to you. I'm someone who's used Affirmations in the past. I'm that guy who...

got on YouTube like anybody else and looked up meditations, looked up affirmations, got into visualizing, got into all of the mantras. I've done it all, man. And so I can kind of speak from a place of experience. And I'm not saying that affirmations in and of themselves, that they're bad, they're evil, they're wicked, they're against God, or they're just ineffective altogether. I'm not saying that. But today I want to share with you why they're not working for you.

I'm gonna share with you something that you can do that's similar to affirmations, but much more effective. So let's start off with why affirmations don't work. Affirmations don't work because there's a huge disconnect. Usually, in most cases, we're taking these one-liners that someone else wrote

And we're trying to speak them or say them over ourselves. Well, the thing, the gap, the disconnect is number one, someone else wrote it. We don't know who they are and what their intentions were, but someone else wrote those and you, you tried to adopt them. You tried to kind of bring them in. ⁓ so they're not really yours. didn't, they didn't emerge from you. They're not authentic to you. That's number one.

There's someone else's. But then you try to say them or speak them over your life. There's a disconnect because in most cases, these mantras or these affirmations, they say to say them in the present tense, right? Get into the emotion, get into the feeling tone, get into the vibration as we like to say, get into the energy of the affirmation, say it in the present tense. Well, not that I'm

and all of that because there's bits and pieces of that that I subscribe to as well. But in this context, the reason that that doesn't work is because there is an element of truth within you, a desire to be congruent within you, that when you say those affirmations in the present tense and that thing within you that's saying, that's not really me, that part of you, whether you are aware of it or not,

It also speaks as you're speaking. I am ⁓ confident. I am bold. I am a generous, know, whatever it is that you're that you're saying, there's something within you that desire to be congruent within all of us. All of us have ⁓ a, a internal mechanism, a desire to be congruent, a desire to be of truth, of alignment with what really is.

And when we say these things that aren't what we really are at that moment, there is a disconnect because the inner person, that true self, that essence is saying, that's not who I am. That's not true. No, that's not true. It's just not true. I don't know a better way to put it. You're not speaking truth. You're kind of lying to yourself.

Listen, get what you're, I get the intention of the affirmation. You're trying to improve your thought patterns. You're trying to improve the way that you think. You're trying to improve your self-awareness. You're trying to improve your confidence and your courage ⁓ in this present life. I get the intention. What I'm saying is, that affirmations are saying something in the present tense that's not true in the present. It's not true. And so,

A better way to approach this is to not subscribe to affirmations as much as you subscribe to additions. Okay? Additions. Let me get right back to it, right? Let me just get straight to it. Additions. Additions goes something like this. Man, you wake up in the morning, you start your day. Man.

My day is about to suck. Like that's the truth. And maybe that's not the truth, right? I'm just kind of using some example, but my point is say what it is, right? Cause that was kind of off, right? My day is about to suck. Let's go ahead and scratch that. Okay. That's not a great example. Let's use something different. ⁓ Here's one.

Today I'm gonna face a challenge that I know about and it sucks. I don't wanna do it. I don't want anything to do with this situation. The affirmation would be, I am bold. I take on challenges courageously. That's not true. You hate challenges, you hate obstacles and you are not looking forward to what's about to happen. That's the truth. Say the truth, be honest, but add.

Here's the magic, here's the secret sauce right here. The addition, the addition is today I got this obstacle in my path. I don't wanna deal with it. I don't wanna take it on. It sucks, I don't like it. but I'm gonna give it the best I got. And I'ma feel good about giving it the best I got. Because the more I give it the best I got,

the better I'm gonna get at it. Because I know that the more I do a thing, the better at that thing I ultimately will become. Let me give you an example of this. I used to, when I first started working out, I loved Rocky. I'm a Rocky fan, a big Rocky fan. And I loved watching Rocky workout. ⁓

The parts of the movie when Rocky was like working out, right? He got into it with Drago or he got into it with Apollo Creed or he got into it with Clubber Lang, right? And they got this beef and they're gonna have this great fight. And then it goes to the training montage. It goes to the training portion of the movie, boy. And that music get to playing and...

Rocky doing this thing and I don't care what movie you ever watch. Rocky's one through five and Creed and everything else. At some point, my boy Rocky, he gonna start jump roping. Hoo, that jump rope boy.

And then he get his head going. And I used to love Apollo Creed's. Apollo Creed had a dope little cadence. And whenever I was watching boxing, like real life boxing, Floyd Mayweather had a dope cadence to his jump roping. ⁓ Canelo, who's got a fight coming up soon. Canelo Alvarez watching his jump roping. Anyway, I love boxer's jump roping. I loved it. It was dope. It just looked cool. But I didn't know.

how to jump rope, right? I didn't know what the heck I was doing. And so I remember going to Dick's Sporting Goods and buying my first jump rope. I went back and I looked for a boxing jump rope, right? I had to find a boxer's jump rope. And I remember buying several jump ropes over time because when I first got it, I thought something was wrong with the rope because I tried to do what I saw in the movie and it sucked. Now, an affirmation,

in early on, right? If I was to say, I am a great jump roper, I jump rope just like Rocky. I ⁓ am a superstar jump roper and fall over my feet and do it again, fall over my feet, right? The affirmation would start to lose its sizzle, its pop, its motivation. Why? Because I'm saying something

as if it is in the present tense. Now I know a lot of you who are from the faith community, we love to speak things as though they were. Words have power, words create worlds. Speak it so that it's so, speak it into existence. I get all of that, dude, I feel you, I get it. But can you... Here's a better thing. How's that working for you? Okay, if it's working for you, cut me off. Shut me down right now. Just...

hit the next button or delete it or stop it or whatever platform you're watching it on. If it's working for you, then you've tuned in. I'm sorry that I've wasted your time. But this is for those of us who have played the game of trying to speak in a present tense, something that just was not present. Okay. It was just a lie. All right. It's not true. And I don't care how many times you say it, it ain't. What changes things is behavior.

trial and error, practice, doing it over and repetition, right? Over and over and over and over. You get good at what you keep doing. You get better at what you keep trying, okay? Because you become more familiar with it, right? And so the way that you can become more familiar with anything that you're going through the same way I became more familiar with jump roping was every day in a gym, I would just try a little more. I would try a little more.

And then I started to get a nice little, ⁓ I can do this for 10 seconds without tripping over my foot. I can do this for 30 seconds without, I can do this for a minute without falling over my feet. I got two minutes in. ⁓ it took me about a ⁓ year to get super dope at jump roping. I got so dope at jump roping. I was jump roping with my eyes closed. I was jump roping.

⁓ you know, crisscross up and down, different cadences. Literally, I'm not bragging, but this is just the truth. I would start jump roping on one foot, alternating one foot. I got so dope at it. I began to like get creative and I started to do these, these little rotations where I would, I would jump rope forward 20, you know, reps or whatever. Then I would, I would, I would pivot. would continue to jump rope, but I would pivot to the side, baby.

And now I'm jump roping to the side, baby. And then I would go that way, right? And then I would come back around and now I'm jump roping to this side, baby. And then I'm coming back to the front, right? I was dope with it. I was dope with it. But you know why I got dope with it? Because I kept doing it, man. I just kept doing it. I kept freaking doing it every freaking day. just did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it because I wanted to look like Rocky, man. I wanted to look like Apollo Creed, baby. I wanted to look like the

people I saw on the freaking movie. So it meant enough to me. So I just kept trying it. I didn't need any affirmations. I didn't need any ⁓ words of power from on high. I just needed some good old fashioned, I'm gonna just keep trying this thing until I get better at it. So instead of these affirmations that are like, you're like frustrated because nothing's changing, no magic, no.

pixie dust, right? Nothing magical is happening. No transformation is taking place, right? You're not feeling any better about yourself. You're not taking on challenges with courage and power. No, you still feel like crap and you still don't like yourself. And the reason why is because you're lying to yourself. See this whole thing, and this is what I really want to dive into more and more in the work that I do. This is about reconnecting ourselves to ourselves.

This is not about a magic pill, a magic trick, ⁓ some spiritual mind hack. This is about relating better to ourselves. And the best way to relate better with ourselves is to begin with truth, begin with where we actually are, begin with actually telling ourselves and saying to ourselves, speaking to ourselves in...

A truthful tone, a truthful yet redemptive, a truthful yet inspiring, a truthful yet motivating tone. And that's through additions. Say where you really are and then add on where you're going. I don't like taking on blank, but, and then add it on, but I'm going to continue to work at it because I know that the more I do something, the better at it I will become.

I currently am overweight. That's true of me right now. That's a battle that I'm actually going through. Today, actually literally, the same day that I'm recording this, I have a conversation with someone today at 12 o'clock that's going to advise me on some things that are going to help me to begin to move physically in a better direction. I have to acquire some information.

It would be foolish for me to get up every morning and say, I am thin. am thin. I am thin. No, Travelle. You're not thin. You're not. No, man. You're overweight. But addition, but I'm becoming healthier because each day I'm going to do something that's going to improve my health. That's real. That's real talk. This is all self talk.

When you decide to take on affirmations, what you're really doing is you're trying to improve your self-talk. Something within you is saying, I don't like the way that I speak with myself. I don't like the way that I talk to myself. I don't like the dialogue. I don't like this inner dialogue. And you're trying to fix it. And I applaud you for looking to fix it. Today, I'm just coming alongside you to say that perhaps ⁓ affirmations is probably not the best route for you.

because you're speaking against what actually is. Don't try to eliminate what is, integrate what is. When I took my coaching certification a few years back, one of the things, one of the principles that I'll never forget that my coaches taught me, that those that were teaching me how to become a coach, the main thing that they taught me, one of the best things that they ever taught me was don't eliminate, integrate.

Don't eliminate, integrate. Why? Because everything has utility value. Everything has utility value. When you attempt to eliminate something that is you're lying. And whenever you lie, I don't know about you, but you know, when you lie, there's just something about it. It's just, you kind of feel icky. It's just, it's not aligned. It's not authentic. It's not real. It's not just something.

And that little disconnect, that little gap, that's what haunts you, That's what haunts you. That's what sticks with you and makes you not actually ever move forward. Because not only are you ⁓ taking on these affirmations ⁓ to kind of convince yourself of something that's not there,

but you're like piling on because now you're adding additional complexity because not only are you taking them on and you're lying to yourself ⁓ through the affirmation. ⁓ So you're never really dealing with what actually is, but now you're piling on because now you have to wrestle with, well, the expert said, if I did this, I would be fixed. Well, the guru on YouTube or the video or the course or the class,

that I took or paid for or watched, they seem happy. They seem, it seems to be working for them. They, they seem to be Zen like, they seem to be in this great space and place in their lives. Let me let you into something real quick and then I'm gonna go ahead and wrap it up. Cause I've said enough. We all got problems, dude. We all got problems. We all got issues. We all got some real serious struggles. And I once heard that the only thing that makes that that's really different between

You and I and those who are like on social media or in the public's eye who look pristine and perfect and Airbrushed and you know life is so perfect. They've gotten better at hiding it They've gotten better at hiding their mess They're just not as for forthcoming. They're just not as Transparent they're just not as authentic. They're just not as willing to share

where they actually are and what they're actually struggling with as perhaps you and I are. So let's not get caught up on ⁓ this social media or Hollywood version of happiness and joy and peace. ⁓ Cause we're all in the same, same mess. We all have struggles. We all have downfalls. We all have pitfalls. We all have blind, blind spots. We all have things that

We have no idea where it came from, how to fix it. We're all struggling with something. We're all simply getting up each day and doing the best we can. Even with me creating this piece of content, sharing this podcast episode with you, this is just me doing the best I can to take from my own personal life, my own struggles, and to share with you a piece of that. And perhaps there's something that I've said ⁓ that you can then take and apply it to your life.

and somehow improve. And then the next person that comes into your life, maybe there's something that you can then share with them. And then they can take a piece and maybe they can improve. you know, it's the each one teach one, each one reach one, you know, is just a little bit of, you know, it's just, we're just, you know, sowing seeds. We're just, we're just sharing. We're just hoping. We're just, we're just doing our thing, man. Okay. So don't compare yourself to the airbrushed, photoshopped

⁓ you know, nowadays AI enhanced everything. AI enhanced everything from the way someone looks to the way someone sounds to the way someone

portrays themselves, all right? Not so much affirmations, additions, add on. Say where you are, face that, and then add on by saying that you are determined to do whatever you need to do in order to address that thing, and allow, allow the try, allow you doing the thing, allow the addition to be your motivation.

because that'll never change because each and every day that you wake up and get out of that bed, you're gonna have to try. I mean, unless you you know, you're just giving up, but if you're listening to this, you're probably trying. So every day you're gonna get up and you're gonna try. Let the try be your motivation. Let the practice, let the repetition be your motivation. Today I'm overweight.

But today I'm gonna have a phone call with someone who's gonna give me information that I'm going to apply. And by applying that information, I'm going to improve my health. That's a pretty good affirmation. That's a powerhouse affirmation. I've stated where I actually am. I am aligned within myself. I am congruent within myself. I am being truthful within myself. There is no falsehood in me. I am being...

I am being honest about where I am and then I'm being honest about the steps that I'm going to take. And then I'm allowing the addition, I'm allowing my try to be my motivation. You can't beat that. You cannot beat that. You cannot beat that. That's good self-talk. That's creating a better relationship with yourself. As I've always said, if you want a better life for yourself,

Build a better relationship with yourself. I'll say that one more time. If you want to create or if you want to build a better life for yourself, create or build a better relationship with yourself. The life that you are creating is a reflection, it's emerging, it's coming forth from, it's a wellspring of the relationship that you have with yourself. All right?

There's so much more that I want to share on that, but I won't go down that rabbit hole. I'll save that for another episode. Hope and pray that this is all made sense. I love you guys. I'm praying for you guys. And I believe in you guys until next time. This is Travail CW Lynch. Mr. What? What? This is the I am the possible podcast experience the place where possibilities become perspective guys until next time. Let's continue.

to love ourselves, love our Creator, and love those that God has placed around us.