Anger Management (what they don't tell you)

Anger isn’t the enemy, nor is it evil and it's certainly not a "demon spirit" as some have foolishly deemed it to be.

Too often, society paints anger as the “bad guy,” but the truth is, anger is human, natural, and deeply meaningful. The real challenge isn’t anger itself—it’s how we understand it and how we choose to respond to it.

In this episode, we break down the misunderstood role of anger and explore why emotional intelligence is key to living with clarity, confidence, and control. 

If you’ve ever struggled with managing your emotions—or felt guilty just for being angry—this conversation is for you.

You’ll discover:

Why anger is not your enemy

How self-awareness transforms your ability to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.

Practical ways to educate yourself about your emotions so you can strengthen your relationships and decision-making.

Transcript

Treveal C.W. Lynch (00:01)
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of the I am the possible podcast experience. This is the place where possibilities become perspective and where liberation lives. Guys, I am your host, Travail CW Lynch, Mr. What, what, and I am here to restore human value. Guys today, I want to share with you.

about emotions. want to share with you particularly about the emotion called anger. Okay. I'm at a season in my life or rather I'm in a season in my life where I am really starting to hone in and really starting to understand what it is that I am to contribute to this world, what I am to stand for, what I am to be about, what my voice is to be used for. And so anything that's going to cause you and I to devalue ourselves, ⁓

I'm against anything that devalues and demoralizes and dehumanizes ⁓ the human experience, the human ⁓ existence, man, right? And I'm standing for, as a great man once told me, it's not about what you stand against, but what it is that you stand for. I stand for the value vision and the voice of humanity. If you are breathing, you are a human, you are alive.

you are God's image, creation, idea, expression, extension, you are here, then I champion your vision, your voice, and your value. I champion that. That's what I stand for. And so one of the things that goes under the radar is things called misinformation and things called miseducation.

In other words, the education that we missed, the missed education, the missed education ⁓ of so many of us, particularly in the area of emotions, emotional intelligence. There's a book right here, I'm showing it. Emotional Intelligence 2.0. Life changer, game changer. You need to read this if you have not. I highly recommend it. They're not paying me a dime. I'm just saying it changed my life.

I believe that this is one of those recommendations that I can make that's universally applicable. I think everyone needs to better understand and navigate and relate to their emotions. Why? Because there's something that we all have. Right? I feel confident in saying that ⁓ emotional intelligence is something that is universally applicable to us all. We all should understand it a little better. We all should have a base foundation understanding of it because...

by not having a base understanding of it, by not understanding emotions, by not understanding what they are, what they do, how to use them, how to navigate them, how to relate to them. By not, then it leaves us susceptible to so much suffering, conflict, drama, and trauma. Emotions have been demonized for far too long, and particularly anger. We even have something called anger management classes.

We don't have happiness management. We don't have ⁓ joy, peace, happiness, know, ⁓ joy or peace management. We don't have, I don't know, tranquility, you know, serenity management classes. No, but we have anger management classes. And today I want to talk about anger because that seems to be the one that is so polarizing. It seems to do the most damage. It gets demonized. gets, it gets.

the bad rap, right? You couldn't control your anger. So you did X, Y, and Z. And I think that's a part of it. This idea that we're supposed to control our emotions, right? And so I'm not going to do a deep dive in this episode, but I just want to bring awareness, some, some awareness, man, to the fact that there's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing wrong with your anger is that you haven't been

educated, you haven't learned what in many ways you are and in many ways what emotions are. And so it's the lack, that's the gap. It's the lack of education, the lack of understanding that's leading to the suffering, that's leading to to the, to the, you know, to the recklessness that's, that's leading to the poor outcomes, that's leading to us doing things and saying things that we regret. If we knew how to navigate and relate to emotions,

We would do a much better job of relating to others, relating to ourselves, relating to God, relating to our environment, navigating our environment, navigating life as a whole, being able to make decisions that create and produce outcomes that are favorable for us, that align with our values. If we had this one tool, we would be able to fix a lot of the problems in our lives. So let me just jump right into it. Number one, I

feel you and I understand you because I grew up having a lot of anger issues and I did a lot of bad things, a lot of things I should not have done. lot of crimes I committed, a lot of things that I won't go into right now, but I was truly a minister to society before minister society came out. Okay. That was who I was. and it was because, you know, emotional intelligence wasn't a part of my curriculum. wasn't a part of the educational system.

So was nothing that I was ever exposed to. And those that came before me, my parents or my grandparents, or those even in my immediate area and circle, they had no grip on this tool either. So they couldn't pass that information on. So I was left to my emotions. I say that to just say that if you're listening and you deal with emotions in a negative way, or you're struggling to maybe get a grip on not...

you know, kind of going off the rail or kind of spiraling out. I feel you and I understand you. Okay. It got me in a ton of trouble. to jail multiple times and just been in some very difficult situations. I've been homeless. I've been on drugs. It's been a crazy life because I didn't know how to navigate my inner world, right? Where emotions live. So the first thing that I want to share with you guys is again, the book.

Again, please, if you have not read Emotional Intelligence 2.0, please grab the book, the audio book, the phone version of the book, whatever it is, man. get a base level understanding, right? A base level understanding. I'm not telling you that you got to read the book cover to cover. I'm not telling you that you have to start taking courses and go back to college and learn. I'm telling you that it might be in your best interest to get just a

baseline understanding. What are emotions? Where do they come from? How do they work? What are their purposes? How to navigate them? Just some basics, right? And that's gonna give you that awareness so that you can do much, much better in navigating the drama and the trauma in your life, okay? Because everything is connected to an emotion, right? And I'm gonna show you how in just a moment. ⁓ Every decision.

is an emotional decision. You ever hear someone tell you, ⁓ you're getting all emotional? Yes, I am, because we're all are. We're never not in a state of some sort of emotion. Like emotions don't get shut off and then cut back on. You're perpetually in an emotional state. It fluctuates. It goes from this one to that one, but you're never not emotional.

So even that statement, you're getting emotional. Bruh, we live in an emotional state. It just matters which one you're in. So even that, right, part of my job is to debunk some of this foolishness that's out there that just makes us feel crappy about ourselves. So someone tells you, you're getting emotional. And then you go off because you ain't got no skillsets in this area. You go off and you feel bad about yourself because they said something.

that was a direct, ⁓ what's the word for it? They brought allegations against you, right? They condemned you with their statement and you had nothing to fire back with because you have not been educated in this area. And so all you can do is go off and feel bad about yourself because you don't know how to combat that with an understanding of what emotions really are and what's happening within you.

See, this is about empowerment. This is about educating and this is about edifying yourself so that you can stand up under the bullying and the attacks from other people who really don't know much more than you do, but they're using terms to get at you. But because you're not equipped, you don't know how to fire back. And you don't even really need to fire back, but you don't know how to combat it within yourself. That's the most important thing. Not about.

battling back and forth with the person, it's about battling that inner critic. And you do that through understanding and knowing what these things are. So hope that all makes sense. right. All right. Let's jump into this, man. Emotions. And if you're not watching on the tube, you should be watching on the tube. But if you're just listening to me, you hear me flipping pages in the book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0. All right. I just wanted to show this illustration. ⁓

There's a picture of a brain on this particular page. If you're not watching, you're just listening and it shows, ⁓ it shows basically the three areas of the brain, ⁓ where, information, enters into the brain, which is at the spinal cord. And then there's this limbic system of the, of the brain, which is like the lower part of the brain where emotions are felt where that information is felt. And then it gets up into the frontal cortex where.

Logic can then happen where you can think logically and rationally. Right. And what most of us don't understand and here, me show it to you on the screen. Right. Information goes in here and it has to be felt first. It has to be felt. You have a feeling, fight or flight, whatever it is. In our case today, we're talking about anger. let's, you know what, let's walk this through. Someone says some, you know what, someone says something to you.

⁓ after they cut you off, right? You're driving, someone cuts you off and then they yell out the window, you know, Hey buddy, watch where you're going. I don't know. They just say something. Right. ⁓ that's, that's information. You were cut off. That's information. Now they're yelling at you. That's more information. That information goes in through the spinal cord, through the base of the brain. Okay. It goes into your limbic system. You start to feel it. It triggers a feeling. Now you're angry.

You're offended. You may even feel fear because he cut you off. You might've gotten into an accident. So now you feel fear. Those areas or those, that information has to be processed through a feeling first. Now this is where it gets tricky. If you don't have an understanding that that emotion A is temporary, B that emotion does not have to

inform you to respond in a reckless manner, then if you don't have that understanding and you don't have the understanding that that information is continuing to travel through the brain and make its way up to the frontal cortex where rational, logical thinking can happen, right? You can get your wits about you.

where you can breathe in Woosah and be able to process your decision, how you are to respond. If you're not equipped and knowing that that's literally happening in the moment, can you see how easy it is for you to leave everything in that emotional realm? Or should I say this? It doesn't get left there, but you can see how it's so easy that if you're not equipped with that information continuing to travel up,

to where you can make a logical, rational ⁓ decision, how you can just allow the emotion that you feel to be your guide, to be your captain, right? To ⁓ be the one calling the shots. This is not bulletproof. This is not 100 % without failure. Listen, I know all of this. I've read this book several times. I've studied this stuff for over 20 years and I can still get triggered.

and I can still fly off the handle. I can. I'm not saying that we become perfect. Lord knows I'm not. You guys know I'm not, but none of us are, right? What this does is this improves our ability to do a couple of things that I want to point out. Number one, it improves our ability to give ourselves grace, to understand that we are not our emotions. I am not.

angry. You're an angry black man. You're an angry this, you're an angry that. No, I'm not an angry anything. I am a black man with emotions, just as you are a whatever you are with emotions. I am not an angry black man. I am a black man with an emotion called anger that I may be not currently able to successfully navigate.

and leverage, or I can be one that is able to successfully navigate and manage and relate to, depending on what I've been educated with. You feel me? You are not your emotion. You are what you are with an emotion. I think that's important. It's important. You can say, you know, when people say I'm angry, what they're saying is I'm currently experiencing the emotion.

of anger, that's fine. Ain't no problem with that. What happens is when you identify and you internalize the emotion that you're feeling and you claim that to be what you are, the better statement would be, man, I'm feeling angry right now. Or man, you know, ⁓ I'm feeling some frustration right now. Just a little tweak.

in your language, a little tweak in the way you say it makes all the difference. I am not angry. Nope, I am Trevelle C.W. Lynch. Currently experiencing anger. Yeah, that way I'm acknowledging the truth. I'm feeling that anger, but I'm also acknowledging that I am not my anger. That's the first point. Don't demonize yourself.

Don't demoralize yourself. You feel me? The second thing is, which makes this so important, do you know how much grace you can extend someone else? Do you know how many conflicts you can resolve? Do you know how many arguments you can defuse? Because you will allow yourself to feel what you feel, zip it, keep them lips shut. Don't react. Don't knee jerk.

react don't don't autopilot react nope zip it let the rumbling happen within couple deep breaths

What's really happening? What's the best route to respond? What do I want to see as an outcome?

What do I want to represent in this moment?

Respond.

That little breathing, that little pause, usually about 10 breaths. Those deep, hold it for 10 at the, or hold it for a few seconds at the top.

exhale fully, you do that a couple of times, it's literally regulating your nervous system. I think it's called the empathetic nerve or the sympathetic nerve, it's literally regulating your nervous system. It's allowing you to reset. And then you can with rational, logical, reasonable thinking.

for my faith community, the wisdom of God, the word of God, you can allow it to then rush in and help you to process and to make a quality decision. That's powerful. That's powerful. And that's off of one concept, just knowing how the brain works. One portion of how the brain works. Obviously there's a million different topics I could...

talk about with the brain, but this is just one. I said, get a baseline understanding because once this gets on your radar and it gets in your mind and you know it and you're aware of it, sure, you can continue your education, you can learn more about it, but if you just have that, just that alone operating in your mind and your consciousness, right, then it'll come up when the emotion gets triggered.

And at the very least, it will give you an opportunity to say, yeah, you know what, I am feeling this right now, but hold up. Let me just let it fade. Most emotions, actually there was a study done. I should start to have ⁓ some of these numbers just off the cuff. ⁓ But there was some surveys done that I've read where

There's an average time span for emotions. So let's say someone cuts you off, says something pisses you off, you get upset. That anger only lives for X amount of minutes. The problem is because we're not educated in emotional intelligence, even though that anger was going to only last about a minute or two, we knee-jerk respond within that timeframe. The guy cuts you off.

says something crazy. Now you hit the gas and you start to tell that guy and now you're doing road rage. And let's say you get a mile down the road and he spins off and now you guys crash and now there's someone hurt or a life loss at worst or damage to your car. And now there's regret and now there's money involved and yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. Something that if you would allow, okay, let me say this really, really slowly.

Something had you allowed to defuse within you.

a minute, two minutes, if you would have just allowed it to defuse within you, you could have saved yourself all of this additional heartache and heartbreak and financial repercussions or possibly hurting someone else and then a ripple effect of issues. Or let me just take it to the grimace part.

In today's society, what if you trail that guy, road rage, he pulls out a gun, shoots you point blank range? Like, that's not out of the realm of possibility anymore. We see this happening every day now, like literally. So it could save your life, the life of others, or just additional drama and trauma.

He cuts you off, he says something crazy. Okay, I don't like that. I know it's not easy to do, but it's possible. This platform ain't about easy. This platform is about what's possible. I can't make you do any of these things, but I can share them with you. I can help you become aware of them by just using my voice to share this information and to share out of my own personal life, but I can't make you do it. So am I here to say, oh, so easy?

Or you may be listening, Trevill, that ain't easy to do. That ain't easy to do. Fine. It's not easy to do. Never said it was. Never said it would be. But it's possible. I bet you it's possible. And now you're held accountable. internally you're accountable now because you've heard the information. So you do with it what you want to do with it. But the purpose of today's episode and what I really wanted to communicate was for anyone out there struggling with

Self indictment. Man, I'm angry. I'm an angry person. I wish I could control my anger. And you're some type of way about yourself and you've labeled yourself and you're living that label. And it's just a mess. I'm talking to you today. You are not your emotion. You are not your anger. You are a person, a human, God's image, God likeness with

and emotion and a temporary emotion at that. That if you give it time enough, that it's gonna pass. So let's not create moments of regret because you reacted so fast when it's within your ability to learn a few simple principles ⁓ about emotional intelligence that can help.

to prevent and to avoid some of this stuff. Okay? Number two, I just wanted to share this because again, not only is it gonna prevent the self indictment, but I feel that whether it's your marriage, whether it's your relationship with your children, whether it's your interpersonal ⁓ relationships on your job, society, within your friendships, within your church.

This is universally applicable, man. This goes with you everywhere. Everywhere you go, emotions go with you and they will show up at every turn. And so I just feel like the better you are with knowing your emotions, relating to your emotions, navigating your emotions effectively, the better ⁓ of a person you are in society and the better relationships you can cultivate, the better you can navigate.

⁓ decisions that, you know, are constantly coming up in your life. And I think that positively affects you and those around you. So it just has so many benefits, man. ⁓ and I just wanted to share that with you guys today. All right. ⁓ love you guys, man. Love you guys, praying for you guys, believing in you guys. That's it. Until next time guys, please let's continue to love ourselves, love our creator.

love those that God has placed around you. This is Jarell C.W. Lynch, Mr. What What, here to provide a place and a space where possibilities become perspective, where liberation lives and where I have an opportunity to help to restore human value.