The 3 Words That Killed My Need for Control (Instant Peace)

Are you a man who feels stressed, overwhelmed, or out of control? 

This episode offers a practical prayer practice I've used over 15 years, that helps with stress management and foster mental health. 

This daily prayer can help you find calm and learn how to reduce stress in your life. This resource is for any man seeking to improve his well-being and lessen anxiety through faith. 

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Transcript

Treveal C.W. Lynch (00:02)
Hey guys, today I want to talk to you and I want to speak specifically to men who may be feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, out of control. And I want to offer you today a prayer practice that I've developed over the last maybe 10 or 15 years that has helped me

to deal with the stress, with the overwhelm, and with the loss of control.

As a husband of 25 years, as a father of four adult children, I know a little something about stress. And that is certainly not to say that my wife is stressing me out or my children are stressing me out. But it's this idea for many of us, especially as men, we desire control. We desire to be in control.

we desire to ⁓ control things and often control people. For some of us, it looks really evident, like it's really apparent that we're trying to control things and manipulate things. For others, it's more subtle. It's more passive aggressive. But before you tune me out or move on to the next video, I want to be clear about something.

I empathize because I've not only lived it in my own life, gone through it in my own life. The one thing that we can honestly say about this is that whenever we are trying to control something, feeling overwhelmed by something, stressed out about something, it's because there's an element and a root of fear.

Fear makes us desire control. Fear makes us desire to ⁓ grab on to something and steer it in the way that we want it to go. And so many times as husbands, we're trying to steer our spouse as fathers, we're trying to steer our children in a certain direction because there are so many unknowns in this world. And just with today's climate,

with the things that we're seeing in politics, the stuff we're seeing on social media, the uncensored violence and hate and crime and brutality. It can get numbing, but it can also put you in a state of continual fight and flight. And what it does is it makes us want to dominate situations.

rather than what I'm gonna talk about in just a moment, rather than truly letting go and letting God, because it's so easy for us to say, let go, let God, trust God, give it to God, leave it at the altar. Those are things that we say and we mean well when we express those things. We have a sincere heart, we mean it, but saying it and doing it, like really doing it, it's totally two different things.

And so today I just want to share with you a very simple prayer practice that I've developed. I don't remember where it came from or how I developed it. ⁓ If I had to pinpoint anything, it probably just came from me taking on a more contemplative prayer life and learning to steal my body and my mind and just quiet my soul and be more reflective and just be more contemplative.

in my approach to my relationship with God, my wife, my children. And let me just say this as well, because I've kind of pointed out the husband part and the father part. This is a prayer for all of humanity. Because if you're anything like me, we can get stressed out and overwhelmed by a desire for the world to be a better place, for society to be a safer place, for people to, as we would want to say, do right.

I find myself often just thinking and saying, man, I just wish that we felt safer in our country and just in our world. I wish that it wasn't so violent. I wish that there wasn't so much crime and hate and divide. I wish that the world was a more peaceful place. And so this goes beyond...

being a husband and being a father. And I just wanted to make that clear because your concerns may be as mine are, ⁓ our concerns are a lot larger. The scope of our concerns is a lot larger than just within our home. So with that being said, let me share with you this prayer practice. It's a very simple prayer. God help us.

Three words, God help us. Now you may be saying to yourself, man, that's a short prayer, simple prayer, it can't be that easy. What about the specifics? What about the prayer requests? What about what I desire? What about what I'm thinking about? What about the issues, the problems? Here's what I've learned. When we are overwhelmed, stressed out, ⁓

desiring to take hold of something. We're all worked up and gassed up on fear. The last thing we need is to, and I really want you to lean into this. The last thing we need to do is to treat prayer as another way to attempt to control situations. I don't know if you're anything like me, but I've prayed

prayers with great specificity, like bless them like this or ⁓ help them not do this, like very detailed, very specific prayers. And what I find is, sometimes without knowing it, we're actually praying in a manner with the intent to actually control God.

and get God to control the life of someone else. Like really pause and think about that. When you pray with great specificity, very specific, there is an expectation within you. There is a desire in you to see it go a certain way, to see them, whoever you're praying for, do a certain thing. It's very controlling if you really pay attention to it.

Now again, you may be saying to yourself, yeah, I'm praying for them. I want the best for them. Totally get it. But I want you to consider this element of control from a different perspective. Control in and of itself is you being the driver, you steering the ship, you determining the destination. And this God help us prayer for me, it returns me to my proper position. I am

creation. am not capital C creator. God knows best. God knows how to get them where they need to go. They're God's creation. Who knows them best? Who knows where they're going best? Who knows how to get them their best? See, many times in our very limited thinking and perspective and biases, by the way,

We think we know what's best for ourselves. God bless me like this. God do this. Open this door. Help me like this. We think we know what's best for other people. God do this for them. Stop them from doing that. Open this door for them. Help them get this. Help them do that. We're the captain. And to be honest, it's not as humble as we may think we're being. And so...

God help us. It's trust. It's dependency. It's truly resting. It's, get this, it's being still and knowing that He's God. Because with those three simple words, we're letting God be God, man. And you know what that does?

at least what it's done for me, it has created a space where I can regulate emotionally. I can return back to a place of stability, psychologically, spiritually, emotionally. It resets me. It recalibrates me. It revives a trust and a ⁓ spiritual zeal in

God's ability to let this thing, you know, unfold the way that it's supposed to unfold. Because again, guys, we weren't created to control everything. There was this element in our makeup where there is this surrendering and this element of submission to a greater will, a greater path, a greater...

way, right? Jesus, right? He is the way. The Christ is the way. And so there is a greater way to do life, to do marriage, to do fatherhood, to do ⁓ business, to do ministry, to do whatever you're doing. And so God help us says, I don't need to know everything. I don't want to know everything. I wasn't designed and created to know everything and to control everything and to, in a sense,

Replace God. That's too much for these shoulders to bear. That's too much weight to carry. You know how we say in the scriptures, know, God's not gonna put on us more than we can bear, right? Well, we can certainly put on us more than we can bear. We can certainly take on too much. And if you're listening, you're watching, and this is speaking to you, then you're like me, man.

We got this Superman thing going on. We want to save the day. We want to ⁓ advise everybody. We want to see it go the way we feel and think and believe it should go based on our interests. I want my son to go to this school. I want my daughter to do this. I want my son to marry this. I want my wife to take up this or for her to go here. It's all you, you, you. And when you say God,

not you, God help us. You let go of the controlling and you give yourself the greatest gift you can give yourself. Peace. For me, it reminds me that God knows all, knows best and is best equipped to help all of the things and all of the people that I care about most. God can do it. God's done it for me.

I can testify, I can go back over time and look at how God orchestrated this, brought this together, help right here, ⁓ made a way out of no way, as we like to say. Well, you get to return to that, you get to reflect on that, you get to remember that, the more you let go of control, because control can consume you. When you're busy controlling, or at least attempting to,

control everything. You're so consumed with that control that you've got these blinders on and you're missing all of the beauty and the majesty and the mystery and the miracles and the magic. Yeah, I said it, the magic, right? Something being done and you not knowing how it's done. That's all magic is. Something happening and you not knowing how it's done.

You return to the magic of God. I don't need to know how the seed turns into a sprout, turns into this with some leaves on it, then gives forth fruit. I don't need to know. He just said, the seed, right? It's like, it helps us to return to our proper position and our proper protocol. What am I to do for the day? And I can serve best.

I can show up best in the world when I'm not trying to control the world. Let this again. I can show up best for my wife when I'm not trying to control my wife. I can show up best for my children when I'm not trying to control my children. I can show up best for humanity when I'm not trying to control humanity. I can show up and be the best version of myself when I'm not trying to control every little detail.

of every little thing around me. And so again, if you're stressed out, overwhelmed, and feeling like you have no control, perhaps control is the last thing you need. You just need to let God be God, man. God help us. God help us. ⁓ Let me just check my notes here. As I thought about this,

recording and this episode I took some notes. I just want to make sure that I touch upon everything that I wanted to touch upon.

Yeah, let me end with this. For those of us who just need a little bit more ⁓ meat or just a little bit more creativity, if you want to try this and maybe just saying those three words, it's hard, right? Whenever we're transitioning from one thing to another and maybe you've been doing the controlling prayer.

God do this, God do that, right? You're trying to guide God, right? And you want to transition from that. But jumping in, right? ⁓ Or, you know, kind of stopping cold turkey is too much of a disruptor for you. And you just want to kind of ease into this. Let me give you an acronym that might help regulate you, that might help settle your soul a bit, okay?

And you can certainly play with this, right? You can make this whatever you want to make it. But the acronym HELP, right? HELP US, God help us. The H can be for healing, right? There may be people in your life that you want to see healed. Whether it's physical healing, they're in the hospital, psychological healing, they've been through some trauma, whatever that looks like. But the H can be for healing, okay? The E...

That can be for educate, okay? ⁓ Some people are in positions in their lives, they're in places and spaces that they don't belong, or they're just living below what they desire and deserve because they've not learned something. It's something that they're unaware of, something that they don't know yet. ⁓ And they need to be educated, not just by traditional institutes.

but they need a spiritual education. They need a download from God. And so the E can just be for educate, right? And you don't have to say this to God. You don't have to pray this, but you can meditate on this. As you're saying, God help us, you can be thinking of the H, heal, heal, oh God, right? Educate, educate, oh God. And you're still letting God be God because you're not giving God these specific details and avenues in which to do these things. You're just...

Or you just organically say however you want to do it, however you want to do it, heal, however you want to do it, educate, okay? The L can be for loose, right? Or let go, right? Some people are captive right now. They're bound up, right? Cognitively, right? Thought patterns that have kept them bound or they're in situations physically.

They're in jail. They're incarcerated. They're in some sort of a institution or something along those lines where you want them to be free or they're in an abusive relationship, right? You want them out so the L can just be for loose and then P, the P can be for promote because some people are living below the life that God has made possible for them.

and they need some elevation, right? They need to be promoted, whether it's on their job or ⁓ just their name, right? It just needs a little pushing up, right? And they need to be encouraged or they just need to receive some promotion, some push-up in whatever spaces they may be a part of. And so ⁓ they may need a raise on the job or they may need a new position or a new level of responsibility, whatever that looks like, right?

So I'm just giving you some framework to utilize to help you get started. H, heal. E, educate. L, loose. And P, promote. And you're thinking about your loved ones. You're thinking about your spouse. You're thinking about your children. You're thinking about these people as you say, help with the acronym in mind and thought. Help us. Right? Does that work for you?

Does that make sense? ⁓ I hope and pray that it does. And I hope and pray that this has blessed you and given you some guidance on how to be less stressed, less overwhelmed. yeah, even upgraded your ideas and perspectives around controlling, right? Because for so many of us, that control freak thing is real. And sometimes we acknowledge it, sometimes we don't.

but it's still at work within us. And I hope that this has given you some relief. All right? So that's it. I love you guys. I'm praying for you guys. I believe in you guys.