Why caring so much, keeps you stuck

Sometimes, caring so deeply keeps us stuck—paralyzed by the weight of worries that weren't ours to carry in the first place. 

What if the secret to freedom isn’t learning to care less, but learning to care correctly? 

Free tools shared in the video 👉 https://bio.site/iamthepossible 

This raw and honesty episode about the chaos of caring too much—about others, about the world, about things outside your control will help bring insight and inspiration to anyone struggling with their lives.

This isn’t just a feel-good talk—it’s a wake-up call for anyone exhausted from trying to control the uncontrollable. 

If you ever felt overwhelmed, powerless, or stuck in a cycle of fixing others while neglecting yourself, this episode is your breakthrough. It’s about loving fiercely without sacrificing your freedom and purpose.

Perfect for faith-driven hearts, caregivers, entrepreneurs, or anyone craving a fresh start—because caring less might just be the most caring thing you do. 

Ready to unburden your soul and embrace possibility? 

Hit play now.

Transcript

Treveal C.W.  Lynch (00:08)
Hey guys, did you know that you can care too much? Did you know that like you can actually care too much and by caring so much, you can actually get your life stuck? Today in the I Am The Possible Podcast Experience.

we're gonna be talking about you just caring too much. And that's why you're stuck. And I can make this claim because I'm talking about myself. And perhaps you can just relate to it. But today I'm gonna be sharing the fact that for years, 40 plus, I've cared too much. And in certain areas of my life,

I have been stuck and maybe you'll be able to relate to this. So welcome. Welcome to the I am the possible podcast experience. Yes. The place where possibilities become perspective guys. Welcome into the space, into the place. is your host, Javelle C.

Mr. What What. And my mission is to provide, to offer perspectives on life that give life to what's possible in life. Your life.

You can care so much about the wrong thing that your life will be put on pause.

That's where I've been. Maybe you didn't notice because you only get to see certain parts of my life. But I can promise you, and I'm gonna be sharing about that today, that there are areas in my life that have put, or that have been put on pause because I've been so consumed with caring about

other people's issues. The way I like to put it, I've been caring too much about other people's cares. See, the Bible tells us, cast your care on Christ, because he can carry it. The cross can carry it. The cross ⁓ can bear the weight.

guess what cannot bear the weight? You and I, at least we're not supposed to, we're not even supposed to attempt to, but we often do. So I think somebody out there is going to be able to relate to me today. Here's my scenario. Here's the pain point. You go through life with this intention to want to help, to want to do good in the world.

And then that intention becomes unknowingly a desire to save the world. Like you want everybody to do well. You want everyone to thrive and to evolve and to live out their possible. And that's not a bad thing unless you become consumed by it. That's where I've been for the last 40 plus years.

consumed with caring about other people's cares, taking on other people's burdens, taking on other people's lives, weighing myself down with the weight of my perceptions of what other people are thinking, processing, going through, possibly will go through.

You know, I'm a very heady person, as I like to say. I'm just an over processor. I just think too much. And that's a part of my makeup. That's a part of my avatar. That's a part of my character. I get that. Because when used right, it's like a superpower. I can do some real good in the world when I use it the right way. But when I use it the way that I've been using it at some points in my life, it can torment me. It can hold me up. It can...

prevent my progress. And maybe you're that kind of person as well, at least to some degree. Like you find yourself worrying about what worries other people. You find yourself maybe scrolling through social media and everything that you perceive to be negative, your heart breaks.

So your heart just breaks over and over and over and over and over. You cut the television on, the news comes on, and they're full of negative stuff. And every story you hear, your heart breaks over and over and over and over. And again, there's nothing wrong with this. But where I'm going with this is too much heartbreaks or too many heartbreaks breaks you emotionally. That's a part of the reason that I'm in therapy now.

I got a therapist, got pastors, I've got mentors, I've got a wife, I've got adult children. I have got friends, family members. I've got some very trusted people that have surrounded me that are in my life that I can go to, that I can confide in, that I can have really ⁓ quality conversations with. And for the last month, I've been very intentional about doing that. And you know what they've all told me, and now I'm going to tell you.

They've told me that I can't control those things. And because I can't control those things, those cares that I should be given to Jesus, that I should be offering at the foot of the cross, that I should be giving up every morning, those cares that even sometimes I'm delusional and I think that I'm actually giving over to Christ, but I actually keep them, right? Sometimes we actually pray and we think we're casting our cares upon Him.

but we're actually not, holding on to them. How do we know? Because we're still worried about them. We're still emotionally exhausted and drained by the end of the day because 80 % of our thinking is projecting and processing other people's lives while trying to also process our own, right? And so what has been happening for me as I've had these conversations is I've been asking people, man, where do you

this in your life? Like how do you manage to, you know, because from the outside looking in, I'm looking at my wife, I'm looking at my mentors, I'm looking at my, you know, folks that are in my life and I'm saying, man, they look to be thriving, they look to be going on and on with their lives, they don't seem to be weighed down by the world's problems. And the theme that keeps coming up has been you can't control that, you can't control them, you can't control the situation. And part of me

wanted to hear it and a part of me didn't want to hear it. But, and I'm gonna be sharing in just a moment what has clicked for me, what has helped it click for me because what clicks or what helps it click for you may not be what helps it click for me, right? And what helps it click for my wife or my mentor or someone else may not be the same that helps it click for someone else because the information is what it is.

You can't control other people. You can't make anything happen. All you can really do is use the things that God's giving you and the time that he's giving you. Sow your seeds, know, try to contribute positively, you know, try to do your thing. But at the end of the day, even the Bible says one will plant, one will water, neither makes it happen. It's the Lord that makes it grow. All these scriptures that they've been sharing with me, all these scriptures that keeps

coming to mind, but it didn't stick. It didn't click. Even though it's the truth, even though it's very clear, even though it's very logical, it didn't click. Nope, your boy still wanted to save the world. And by wanting to save the world, by caring too much, your boy has been stuck. Where, where ministry, where...

Contribution is concerned. Where are my dreams and hopes are concerned? Where some of the things that I feel most called to are concerned? Because here's one thing, and I don't know if you know this or not. ⁓ When I first moved here to Southern California, we were evicted after a couple of ⁓ months because we had little money, right? were just newlyweds just getting started. We were young folks.

⁓ but we came out here, you know, Southern California, believing God's called us to come this way. And we still very much believe that, ⁓ you know, God, God has been faithful to help us grow and to go from where we were to where we are right now. But, at that time we have very little money. And so I joined this little day workers thing. I believe I was still working somewhere else, but on my.

or my day is off or in my free time, I will go down to this place called Labor Ready. It was a work today, get paid today situation. And I remember, and I tell this story for a reason, all right, I'ma tie it all together in just a moment. ⁓ I would go out five o'clock in the morning, put my name on this little board, know, different businesses would call and you'd go out and work for a day. And then they pay you at the end of the day. Well, there was this one time out in Pasadena.

I was working, I forgot what the company was, but I was working in a ditch about the size of a house. Me, several other men were down in this ditch digging through rock and clay and earth. so, but I remember, and maybe this was just my youth, I don't know, right? But I remember very distinctly ⁓ working all day and just being cool with it.

Like, okay, I put my day's work in, bet. And then I was like ready for the next day. And I was able to do that. I was able to be a part of the church and have parts, you know, I would do the ministry thing. I would do the work thing. I would do the, you know, raising children thing. And the energy levels were there. And I remember in hindsight thinking many years ago, the more I started to struggle emotionally, the more I started to struggle mentally, and these things began to pile up.

all of this people pleasing, all of this, you know, taking on the world's burdens and trying to be this, you know, Superman type guy. A thought came to mind for me, and it may be of value to you. You know, physical labor is not what wears us out. Physical labor is not what sends us to the mental ward. Physical labor is not what, you know, kills us at 43. Physical labor is not what

is not what robs you of your life. It's the mental. It's the internal. It's the emotional. It's psychological. You can be 23 years old and commit suicide. It's not because your job was too much to bear. It wasn't because the labor that you were doing was so difficult.

but it was what you were perceiving. It was what you were thinking. It was what you were feeling emotionally that caused you to take your life. Now, I know that's a grim, ⁓ you know, illustration, but the truth is you cut social media on and you're gonna find someone's dead every day if it's up to TMZ, right? I they are, I heard one comedian even make a joke one time and it's almost true.

It's like it's scary that it's almost true. It says TMZ will discover that you're dead before you know that you're dead. I mean, they are first. I mean, first responders, man. mean, TMZ is like you. You don't need no news broadcast at all. Just, know, you got a TMZ feed. They don't keep you up to date with who's dying. All right. But my point to that is and I mean.

didn't really want to go on that tangent. But my point is, is that it's not the physical that weighs us down in life. Because today's episode is talking about that we care so much that it stunts our growth, it stunts our progress, it stunts the possibilities of our lives. It keeps us held back. It keeps us stuck from moving forward in a particular area in our lives. It weighs us down.

burdens us because we care too much. We should care. We should have empathy. We should be compassionate. We should be like Christ, moved with compassion. We should have a passion. We should have ⁓ a fervor. We should care about the state of humanity. We should care about our neighbor. We should love others, right? We should want the

best for others, that in and of itself is not a bad thing. It becomes bad, like for me, when it becomes chronic, when you try to control things that you have no business controlling or even attempting to control. And we will fool ourselves. People like me, we will fool ourselves. We will talk ourselves into

why it's okay to keep investing emotionally, investing mentally, psychologically in the lives of other people. We want so bad for everyone to be so good that we lose sight that we're not good. And that's where I've found myself for the last 40 plus years. I'm not doing so good because I want...

so bad for everyone else to be doing so good. And I won't go into all of the reasons why I'm working it out with my therapist, that that's something that we're still unpacking, that we're still deep diving on. There's a lot in there. But if you find yourself, and this is the point, and I'm gonna share something with you in just a moment. But if you find yourself in this position where you're trying to cover every base, trying to show up for everybody, trying to be Superman,

and some superhero for everybody. I'ma tell you this, like it's been told to me a million times, but it didn't click until what I'm gonna share with you in just a moment. But.

Maybe I should just share with you what I'm gonna share with you and maybe that'll give you the best illustration. Yeah, let me do that, let me do that. Let me share my screen with you. Yeah, let me just go ahead and just share it. I think that's gonna be the best. That's gonna do the best job for you.

as one slide.

I've kind of already talked about this, kind of jumped the gun. I already kind of talked about this. You care too much because every care equals a weight that you must carry. That's one perspective that you should have before I get to the other real point, right? This is my mission to offer perspectives on life, to give life to what's possible in life. Well, one of the things that is possible in your life, if you're anything like me, one of the things that's possible,

is for you to stop weighing yourself down with the cares of other people and truly begin to cast your cares, which are really other people's cares, on to Christ at the foot of the cross. Leave them there. And even if you don't believe in Christ, even if you don't believe in God, the fact that you can just come to the realization that if for everything that I care about,

that ain't even mine, that is weight that I'm carrying. I want you to get an image in your mind. Maybe I should have put it on the screen, but get an image. You remember back in the day when you went to school, you had a backpack, put a book in the backpack. Yeah, we good. Put two books in the backpack. Yeah, we good. Heck, three in the backpack. Yeah, we still good. Okay, let me put 10 books in your backpack. Now we got a problem.

and you gotta carry that sucker from class to class, and then you gotta walk home from school with that thing? Okay, now we have a problem. That's the way I want you to envision this. For every book, for every care that you keep adding to your backpack, it's becoming harder and harder for you to journey through this thing called life. And it's unfair to you. It's been unfair to me.

And no, life ain't about fairness. I get that. But in this context, you hear what I'm saying. You're robbing yourself. Like this has had to be the conversation that I've had to have with myself. Travelle, this is unfair to you. For as much as you talk about being I am the possible, for as much as you talk about self-worth,

For as much as you talk about valuing yourself, for as many podcasts, episodes as you've made, for as much content that you've put out, trying to empower others, encourage others, educate others in the area of valuing themselves, for as much as you talk about that, you're not doing the best job that you could be doing of living that out for yourself. Can I be that honest, guys? Can I be that transparent?

Your boy ain't been doing that great of a job, doing it for yourself, doing it for myself. And I know that that sometime tends to be the thing, right? We want to give it to someone else without giving it to ourselves. But understanding that for every care that you carry, that is a weight on your shoulders that has no business really being there.

In this context, in the context of you exhausting yourself, wearing yourself down and getting yourself stuck like quicksand in the muck and the mire of cares and concern for everyone else's issues and problems in the world that you cannot control.

I hope and I pray that you hear what I'm saying when I say that. Let me share with you guys what clicked for me because like I told you earlier, so many people talked to me about not being able to control this and that I had to take care of myself and that I was just doing too much. Check this one out. This one comes from Tony Robbins. Stick with me. It's going to all make sense in just a moment. Your values.

I'm the one that put your, okay? Cause you gotta make it personal. You can't just say values and believe like you gotta make it your values and your beliefs, okay? So that you can own the process, right? To some degree, you have to own the process of your own healing. You have to own the process of your own journey. You have to own the process. Not that you ex out God and those things or that you shovel away other people.

go into some little cave. No, what I'm saying about owning it is when you own it, just like a home, when you own the home, you can change anything about it. The color of it, you can tear down a wall, you can build up some new stuff around it, you can do the landscaping, you ain't gotta ask nobody. But when you're renting, everything is a question. Everything is a process. Everything is filling out paperwork.

Everything is, check this out, waiting for permission. But when you own it, just like this process, when you own it, you get to give yourself permission to move forward and to see the kind of progress that you desire in your life. So let me read this to you. If I can move my little, yeah, move this over here real quick.

This is what Tony Robbins says, and it just resonated with me. The two forces that control every thought you think, every emotion you feel, every experience of your life. He says, what are they? Your values and your beliefs. Those two forces literally control every decision you make.

Now let me break this down for you.

Part of my value system and a part of my belief system is this. Value. I value contributing to the life of other people. I value the human experience. I value progress.

My belief, I believe that we were all created to do something quite amazing. I believe we were all created in the image and the likeness of God who is an awesome God. Thus we are an awesome creation. I believe that we were all created with a purpose that serves as some sort of service and support.

system to the success of someone else. I could go on and on but I wanted to give you a flavor of my values and my beliefs because I want to share with you what finally clicked for me.

I just share with you my values. I just share with you my beliefs. This little idea down here, these forces, my values and my beliefs, they're controlling my every thought, right? They're controlling my emotions, right? They're controlling my experience, right? They are literally contributing to controlling the decisions that I make, right?

So now you can start to connect to Datsun to see how I was able to torment myself for so many years with caring about other people's Because I value other people so much and I believe in other people so much that I can actually create a narrative in my head because we're all contributions after all, and we're all here to serve and support the success of other people after all.

See how I can start to position myself under a burden that says I have to serve and support your success. And I have to be a part of giving permission to what's possible in your life. And by doing so without a proper and a healthy perspective over all of this, I stay stuck.

I continue to write a narrative to myself that says it is okay for you to wear yourself out, to emotionally exhaust yourself, trying to solve everybody's problems. See how that works? So what clicked? What clicked was, aha, if values and beliefs

are the forces behind my thinking and my feeling and my choosing, then that means all I need to do is connect the dots from my current values and beliefs to my current suffering.

Identify what that is, which is what I just laid out for you. And then develop new values. Develop new beliefs. Or in my case, acknowledge current values and current beliefs that counteract the ones that were keeping me stuck.

Let me lay this out for you.

I have a value that says, I value the human experience. So I want everyone to experience an amazing existence. Now, the former thinking was, I have some sort of say, some sort of control, and I need to be heavily emotionally and psychologically invested in ensuring that you

Enjoy your life's experience Well, that's a fantasy and that's gotten me stuck and worn out and that's not healthy But what else do I value I value my own personal piece I value my own progress I value Effectiveness

in the work that I believe God has called me to. So now that I am conscious, I am aware that by me over-emphasizing a concern for your concerns and how that has prevented

the value I have for my own personal piece, my own personal progress and my own personal effectiveness to what I believe my creator has called and created me for, it now allows me to give myself permission to back off trying to control your cares and your concerns and ultimately what's controlling you. See how that works?

Does that mean that I don't care? Nope. Does that mean, here, let me stop. I think I can stop sharing here. Does that mean, let me go back to my screen and make sure I'm back on my screen. Where's my layout? Give me to a layout. Boom. Okay. I think I've stopped sharing. Okay. Yep. So I should be back to my screen. Does that mean now?

Does that mean that I just don't care about anything and about anyone at all? Nope. I still get to care. Yeah. I still get to have passion. I still get to be heavily invested in presenting podcast episodes, keynote speeches, Sunday morning sermons, ⁓ small group facilitations, one-on-one coaching services, right?

I can continue to write my next book. I can continue to communicate this message of I am the possible that is aimed at helping to build you up, to edify you, to empower you, to encourage you, right? In believing in yourself and pursuing your possibles and giving yourself permission to be the very best person that you can be. And at the same time, recognize.

and acknowledge that that's as far as I have to take it. You're witnessing in real time breakthrough. We talk about it in church all the time breakthrough, deliverance. Hey, you're witnessing it. I'm in real time practicing. I'm in real time connecting the dots. I'm in real time.

acknowledging and most importantly, accepting what has been told to me for over 47 years. We're not really told to me over 47 years. The first 23 years, the world beat me down and made me feel like crapping and maybe set me up to care, right? To give me this passion, to set me up to have this fuel, right? Because ultimately,

When we talk about our misery becoming our ministry, all we're really talking about is taking our childhood trauma and drama and finding a way as a mature, ⁓ know, ⁓ evolved, right, educated adult, ⁓ going back to serve the inner child, going back to serve that inner trauma. That's really all we're doing.

Right. But it comes across like we're preaching to a, to, an audience or we're speaking to an audience where we're preaching to a congregation where we're going live with a podcast. All we're really doing is going back to that little guy inside or that little gal inside and saying, it's going to be okay. It's going to be all right. Come on. I'll take you. I'll take you under my wing. Come on. We're going, we're going, we're going to move forward.

That's the whole misery to ministry thing. Childhood taught us how to be miserable in some specific area of our lives. We got a little older, a little more educated. We lived a little longer. We saw some things. We were able to cross-reference some things. We became aware of some things. We matured in some ways. Now we've gotten to the point where we can at least start to reach back on the inside.

And then we want to kind of reach back on the inside of others. But now that reaching back simply means, even as Jesus did it, it just simply means presenting. And if you choose, you choose. If you do, you do. If you don't, you don't. But I can't save you. I can't rescue you.

I can't heal you. I can't fix you. I can't deliver you. It's not my work to do. But it is my job to care just enough, to have just enough passion, to have just enough concern to keep going live, to keep showing up and presenting, availing,

my life, my struggles, my stories, my successes, in a way that I hope and pray is...

Something that you can learn from, you can glean from, you can pick from, you can pull from, just a little to help you in some way. But even that helping, it's up to you. You're actually helping yourself, like a buffet. Help yourself. We can lay it out, but you have to pick it up. Yeah.

Hope and pray that in some way what I've just shared has helped you to care less so that you can get unstuck. Love you guys, praying for you guys, believing in you guys. This is Travell CW Lynch. Mr. What What, this has been another episode of the I Am The Possible Podcast Experience, the place where.

possibilities become perspective. Guys, before I get out of here, I just want to remind you that in the description there are links, some free resources, please help yourself. Please, if you're watching on the tube and you should be watching on the tube, drop me a comment. Make sure that you subscribe. Make sure that you share it with someone that may be in need of this information.

If you're listening on a podcast platform, I would love a review. The good, the bad, the ugly. It's all good. If you really love what I'm doing and the work that I'm doing, we now have an ability to become a sponsor to help with the monthly expenditures or expenses, I should say, of this podcast. It costs to put this podcast on and I would love.

your monthly contribution to help offset some of those expenses. We've now got that set up as well. That's down in the description of any podcast platform that you're watching or that you're listening to this on. And then also finally, I would love to get a question. If you have a question about anything that I shared and you would like me to create a personal podcast episode for you.

I am now doing that. There's a link right at the top of the description of this episode where you can click it and you can drop me an anonymous question. Won't share your name, won't share your phone number. I think you put in just a little bit of information and your question that generates it over to me on the backend. I'll be able to see it and I will create a episode, especially for you to answer that question. All right.

would love to serve you in that way. In all these things, just know that I am continuously praying for you and continuously believing in you and just hoping and praying again, like I said, that you would find something of value in and through this episode. All right, until next time. Remember, let's continue to relate better to ourselves so that we can.

create better for ourselves and most importantly, those around us. God bless you.