the LIE that's holding men back!

Most men are silently suffering, hiding the pain behind a mask of toughness. 

But what if the key to being the man you aspire to be starts by appreciating and admitting you need help, too?

In this raw, powerful episode, Treveal C. Lynch shatters the stigma around male vulnerability and mental health. 

He opens up about his own journey—from childhood trauma to breakthrough—proving that healing, growth, and strength start with honesty.

If you're tired of pretending you're okay, feeling trapped by past wounds, or overwhelmed by societal pressure to “suck it up,” this episode is your wake-up call. 

Treveal shares eye-opening statistics: nearly 34 million children in the U.S. face trauma, and countless men carry these scars into adulthood. 

But here's the truth: trauma doesn't define you unless you let it. 

The real power lies in confronting it, unpacking it, and choosing a different path.

You'll discover how toxic masculinity keeps us stuck, why vulnerability is the ultimate strength, and practical steps you can take today to prioritize your mental health. 

Free tools shared in the video 👉 https://bio.site/iamthepossible

Ready to end the cycle, embrace vulnerability, and become the man you’re truly meant to be? 

Hit play. 

This isn’t about talking, it’s about transforming!

Your mental health, your future, and the legacy you leave depend on it.

Transcript

Treveal C.W. Lynch (00:00)
today I just wanted to talk about something that

We don't talk about nearly enough as men, and that is needing professional help. Therapy, counseling, mentorship, coaching, even sitting under a pastor in a very intentional, systematic, consistent way.

We as men for the majority of us.

We deal with these societal stigmas, these cultural stigmas about what it means to be a man and how to be a man, what it means to uphold your manhood. And as a man, as a husband of 26 years, 28 years together,

as a father of four adult children, as a man who is currently in therapy after 47 years of living, I have some skin in the game and I believe that I have a voice for this topic. I want to share with you before I get into my story and just some other things that I wanted to share today in support of men.

Because ultimately what I want to do in this time is inform, inspire. I want to educate. I want to encourage. I want to empower men to take greater ownership of your mental health and the ability for you to manage your inner state.

your emotional state. Because ultimately when we become men who can better manage our minds, emotions, states, then we're better prepared to be the men that we want to be ultimately. We're able to create the capacity to be the men that we desire to be. Our culture, society, it says

to you and I as men, it's good enough to fake it. It's good enough to pretend. It's good enough for you and I to act like we're good. Whether it's in church, when someone asks you how you're doing, whether it's on your job, whether it's within your home, we are taught it doesn't matter how you feel. It doesn't matter what you're going through. It doesn't matter what's really going on.

What matters is your ability to pretend that everything is okay and to keep grinding and to keep it pushing. And as a man who can speak to this, I don't agree with that. I think it's foolish. I think it's garbage. And I think it's time out for it. It's time out for it if you care about not just pretending to be okay.

but to actually be okay. And I'm learning at 48, about to be 49. I'm just now learning how to really be okay. Not act like I'm okay, pretend like I'm okay, trick myself into believing that I'm okay. I'm actually, for the first time, dude, in, well, I would say 24 years, because my whole

in a sense, life transformation started around 23 and I'm going into 49. So I don't know how many, I don't know what the math is, but for 20 plus years, I've been learning. And in the last couple of years, I actually feel like I'm really starting to see some breakthroughs and what it means to actually be okay. Now I wanna share with you some statistics, man, real quick.

And I really want to focus on this thing, this ACE, adverse childhood experiences. In other words, it's the trauma that we experience when we're children, whether it's sexual abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse, neglect, whatever it is, it equals some sort of traumatic experience.

you as a young man, you as a, and I'm not speaking necessarily to women today, if there's any women viewers, this is applicable, but I am speaking to men today, more specifically. But whether you're a young man, a young woman, in our formative years as children, we experience things in the environments that we either find ourselves in or our caretakers place us in and

They are not the experiences that we were created to have. It's not okay that you were sexually abused at seven. It's not okay that you were bullied all of your years in elementary. It wasn't okay that you tried drugs at 11 and got strung out. It's not okay that you witnessed, like in my case,

domestic violence for years. It wasn't okay that I witnessed, like, you know, for me, drug use, alcoholism, that did something to me. And in the description, what I'm talking about today is through that trauma, we're trained to limit our lives in particular ways.

Most specifically in ways that keep us, that prevent us from being the kind of man that we want to be. The man that shows up for our family, the man that shows up on his job, the man that creates the thing that he believes that God's called him to. There's this lack of permission for us to be as we are, to create the things that are in our lives.

There's this limitation that we impose because the trauma trained a limited version of ourselves. See, in those formative years, you and I, we didn't have the language, we didn't have the mental capacity, the cognitive skills to be able to deal with what we were witnessing or experiencing. As a child, you don't have that experience, you don't have that knowledge, you don't...

You don't have that contrast. You haven't learned those things. You don't know what you're witnessing. You don't know where to place that emotionally. And so the biggest thing that I want to really say and share is that, bro, that ain't a woman issue. That's an us issue. You dealt with that.

If I'm speaking to you, you dealt with that. You saw some stuff when you were a child that hurt you, that disappointed you, that made you afraid, that attacked your nervous system and that junk stayed in your body. Someone did something to you like they did me. Someone said something to you like they did me. You saw something, you heard something, you were a part of something, you were in an environment.

You had experiences that wrecked you emotionally, that wrecked your nervous system. That happened. That was real. And then we get older and we're in this world, this culture, this society, we're online, we're around other guys who have gone through similar things, if not worse. But yet we're all pretending and acting

Like we're all good because society says stupid stuff like big boys don't cry. Suck it up. Stand on your own two. Grind, ball, hustle. Do whatever it takes. We watch movies that perpetuate this foolishness. We listen to music that perpetuates this foolishness. I'm speaking from experience.

And some of this is resonating. Some of this is hitting home. I know it to be true. I've been there. I've done that. I'm just tired of us not being real about it. I'm just tired of us acting like it didn't happen, acting like it didn't affect us, acting like we can work through it. No, you're not working through it. No, it's not okay. No, you can't forget it. Even if you mentally convince yourself that you've gotten over it.

your body hasn't gotten over it because that trauma gets trapped within our bodies. Listen, I'm not some licensed therapist or whatever. I am a certified life coach. So I do know a little about this and I am very self-studied and self-learned and self-educated. So I know a little something about this stuff, but I'm not claiming to be some doctor or some therapist. What I'm saying is I'm a man who has

been through the mud, who has been through the junk, man, the worst of the worst. And I made it through God's grace. I made it through some, you know, by some good decisions that I've made later on in life. But I'm here to now say, I'm here to now offer.

Information, that hopefully, hopefully my intention is to inspire you enough, inform you enough, encourage you enough, educate you enough, empower you enough, right? Engage with you enough. If you're, if you're online, you can drop questions in the chat. can, you can, you can chop it up with me in the chat. There's, there's, there should be a chat to the right of the screen or, to the left side of the screen. I can see your comments.

I will respond to you if you're on live, but if you're catching this on the replay, it's all the same, man. So let me share these little statistics with you. As of 2026, as of this year, it's been reported that 34 million, almost half of the U.S. childhood population will experience at least one adverse

childhood experience, something that leads to trauma. The statistics are right now currently, one out of every three girls will experience this. One out of every 13 boys will experience this.

The reason I share those statistics is because chances are you've experienced it. And if you haven't, then you know someone who has. And if you are a father and you have boys, you have children, it's likely that they have or likely that they will. Especially if it's one of those generational things where my dad was an abuser or my dad went through whatever and then...

you know, his dad went through whatever and then my dad and just kind of gets passed on and it's just kind of replicated until someone breaks the cycle, breaks the chain, until someone makes a decision to be honest and to want better and to do the work to do better and to be better. And that's what I'm calling for today. I'm not calling because I know, brothers, we have enough going on in life. We have enough weight on our shoulders. We have enough baggage. We have enough things that we're working through.

What I'm saying to you is I'm not trying to give you more things to do. I'm not trying to give you more work. What I'm looking to do today is to simply say, can we just start being honest? Can we just start with the honesty? I can't save the world. I can't save you. I can barely help myself. But one thing I do know is that when we started having conversations,

Honest, open, genuine, transparent. Yes, here comes the big word. Vulnerable conversations. We get better.

We get better. And society says, you're a man, don't you dare be vulnerable. That's a woman's word. That's a soft word. Don't be transparent. be letting them brothers in your business. That's a woman's word. That's a soft word. Don't go to therapy. You only know counselor, what you need to shrink. You're gonna be sitting on a couch. Someone gonna help you with your problems. No, man, suck it up. Do your thing. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah.

That's why you stay enslaved. That's why you continue to suffer silently Because we're buying in to these stigmas we're adopting them and Then we're adhering to them All I'm saying is it stops When you decide that it stops and you start to say to yourself, I'm not alone

If I look to my left, if I look to my right, one of these brothers that I'm around in my circle, one of them got the same story I do or something similar. So I think I've stated my case. Let me share with you quickly my story. Not a long one. I got a million stories, but I just wanted to give this some context and then a quick just word of encouragement and then I'm going to be done. The reason this is home for me.

because like I told you earlier, I've been sexually abused by family members, sexually abused by total strangers when I was a child. I witnessed drug abuse. My mother for years was addicted to crack cocaine and alcohol. My father, and I'm not putting him out there, ⁓ he dealt with his own things. I didn't grow up with my father. By the grace of God, I have an amazing conversation.

amazing conversation. have an amazing relationship with my father today, currently now, but God reconciled us. He brought us a mighty, mighty long way. Okay. And so I don't know what everything my father dealt with, but I'm sure he dealt with his, his own demons. ⁓ I've experienced abandonment. I've experienced, being bullied for years.

When I was a child, I didn't have a lot of self-confidence. I didn't believe in myself very much. I was made fun of and picked on a lot. So I had my whole self-image and my whole self-concept destroyed. I then, early on in high school, I began to use drugs. I began to sell drugs. I began to abuse myself, abuse others. I began to do the same things that were done to me. And so the cycle continued.

I've experienced every kind of abuse when you list out the abuses, sexually, physically, emotionally. I check them all off. And that's why I'm so passionate about this, because I understand that when we're kids, we didn't have the strength, the power. We weren't men yet. So people abused us, people took advantage of us, people did things to us and said things to us.

that we couldn't defend ourselves against. And that's why I'm like, yo bro, it's okay. We need help too. Men, brothers listening, men, brothers who are going to be listening later on, you need help too. I needed help too. And so I grew up that way. And I always like to use this phrase, trauma trained versus truth trained. For the first 23 years of my life, I was trauma trained.

trained by what trauma told me about myself. And I was in the gutter mentally, emotionally, psychologically, physically.

At the age of 23, right, when I became a Christian.

I was introduced to truth. Truth to who I really am. Truth to what I really am. Truth to why I am. It was through that truth that I began the journey that has brought me to current day. It's not overnight. It's not quick. It's not a quick fix. Depending on the level of drama and trauma that you've gone through, it takes some unpacking, right? Excuse me. And so,

I know what both sides look like. I know what it means to be on the trauma side. I know what it means to be on the truth side. And the truth is helping to deal with and manage the trauma. The trauma really never goes away. I'm going to always remember what they did, what they said, how I felt. Never truly goes away. It's not about it going away. It's about perspective. It's about enlightenment. It's about insight.

It's about understanding. It's about learning to navigate the inner world. It's about learning to navigate my emotions, integrating them versus eliminating them, working with what happened, working with the things that are within me to then go off and be the man that I want to be. And that's what I'm encouraging you guys to entertain. It's not about that. It's not about eliminating everything, forgetting everything, pretending like it didn't happen.

It's about engaging with it. It's about looking at it and saying, yes, that's true, that happened, but the truth about me, see, trauma trains you to think about yourself and feel about yourself in a very negative way. And it limits your life. It pops up and shows up in all kinds of different ways. The truth does the same thing. It trains you to think about yourself and feel about yourself in a way that works for you instead of against you, a positive way, a powerful way.

And so I just wanted to offer that. Now I'm not saying that you got to become a Christian if you're not a Christian already. That's your choice. Faith, religion, that's going to be your call. Jesus worked for me. Becoming a Christian worked for me. Getting in the Bible worked for me. And a lot of that has been, ⁓ you know, I've gone through some evolutions with that as well. But the truth is, when I look at Jesus and I look at the life that Christ lived,

and the hope and the belief and the faith that I have in Christ, that was the game changer. That was the catalyst. And then I began to learn and study the mind, learn and study the body, learn and study and take courses and become a coach and become a personal trainer. And I'm a pastor now and just learning these different things. Now I'm in therapy, right? I have a therapist and they're helping me.

work through these things and work on these things. And I'm more confident now than I've ever been. I've got mentors in my life, men that I trust, trusted voices in my life that I go to on a regular basis and spend time with these brothers where I can be honest, transparent. Yes. And here comes that big word again, vulnerable. Things change when you get vulnerable. You want to stay the same? Don't get open. Don't be honest. Don't share nothing.

Keep it to yourself. But if you're listening, you're watching, and you are ready for a change, vulnerability is going to be a part of it. There's something magical, there's something special about opening up, about sharing your story and sharing your life with someone else. Because you'll find out that if they're a real friend, they'll either A, have gone through the same thing as well and be able to empathize.

or two, they would have not gone through the same thing. But if they're a real friend, they'll still be able to empathize, support you, and love you through whatever it is that you need to work through. So guys, my call to action today as I wrap it up is get the help that you need. On this live, I don't have the links yet placed in the description. As soon as I'm done live, I'm going to go back, put the links in the

Description, I've got services, I offer services, and this is not some sales pitch or some big sales thing, but I am a licensed coach. I am a certified coach. I provide coaching services. Every coach needs a coach. Every therapist needs a therapist. So this is not about me arriving and having to then know it all and have it all and be it all to be able to help someone else. I've learned from wise men in my life. I just need to be a few steps ahead.

And for some of you, I'm a few steps ahead of you and I can reach back and I can help you to get to where I am as I have men in front of me that are helping me to get further along as well. Each one, for real, each one reach one, each one teach one. But also, I've got some other free resources, some very ⁓ useful, easy to use guides, different things that can help you to just get. ⁓

familiar with some of the language, with some of the things that I'm sharing. And so I'm going to put that link down in the description. Won't cost you anything. It's just some resources that you can click on to start to get familiar. this is what a cognitive bias is. ⁓ this is what trauma is. this is what's going on here or there. And then if you want to take a step with me, with coaching, by all means, let's get on a call, on a clarity call. I call them, let's get clear about if we can work together or not.

because I can't work with everybody and we can move forward there. Or if nothing else, you can just hit me up with questions and I can share with you some resources. I can point you in the right direction to say, hey, you might want to consider this. Hey, you might want to consider that. All right, so I'm put the link down in the description as soon as I'm done going live. But that was really it. I just wanted to come alongside, share my story, share my life.

meet you where you are, encourage you to get the help that you need. Man, we need help too. It's not about all of this foolishness and nonsense that's keeping us in a space that we don't want to be in. We could be thriving, man. We could be building. We could be creating. We could be doing things.

that make us feel good about ourselves and the legacy that we're leaving, but so many of us were not doing it because we're still trapped here and we're not free here. And if you want to begin the journey, the process,

getting free here, man, getting free here and learning, acquiring the skills to better manage your inner world, your inner life, right? Because out here is just a reflection of what's going on in here. If you want that information, like I said, click the link that I'm going to put in the description. If you haven't already, subscribe to this channel because this is the kind of content and the information that I'm going to continue to offer.

I'm going to be coming out soon with a community platform where we can begin to have conversations where men can join these conversations and we can just be honest about where we are and about where we want to go and how we can support one another. ⁓ Because again, I just really, really believe that the catalyst is conversations. Conversations, conversations. So much can be be.

accomplished when we come to the table and Are honest about where we are and about where we want to go. All right men you me we Need help to all right. Love you guys praying for you guys believing in you guys Remember on till next time The better you can relate to yourself

the better you can create for yourself and most importantly, those around you. God bless you.