Learning to overcome people-pleasing, procrastination & perfectionism

In this episode, I introduce The Permission to Proceed, a new community created for people who are ready to grow beyond people-pleasing, procrastination, perfectionism, and self-doubt.

I share the heart behind this space, who it’s for, and why giving yourself permission to move forward matters so much. This conversation is about personal development, spiritual growth, and learning how to overcome the inner patterns that have been holding you back from what God made possible for your life.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, delayed, or disconnected from your progress, this episode is for you.

If you'd like to join the community, click here

Transcript

Treveal C.W. Lynch (00:00)
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, whenever, however, you are tuning in today, if you are on YouTube, if you are on LinkedIn, or most importantly, if you are tuning in live in the new Facebook group community, I wanna welcome you guys into today's episode and into today's

really intro video and sort of a overview of what I've created. And I'm going to share with you a little bit of the background and really some information that I think is important for anyone who is looking to be a part of this community and to share in the conversations that we're going to create. First off,

I just want to express my gratitude for your presence. I believe that the greatest present that anyone could ever give us is their presence. I used to open up my old show that, you know, your presence is the greatest present that you could ever give someone. And I still hold fast to that belief. So if you're watching, if you're on right now live,

⁓ Or if you're going to catch this later on at some point throughout the day, I do value greatly your presence. If you are joining live or on the replay, no matter what platform you're on, please drop a comment. You can drop an emoji. You can say what up. You can say good morning. I do see the comments and this is meant to be interactive. And so there will be time for Q and A.

and some other things that I have lined up for us. So please let me know that you are in the space and that you are in the place this morning. I want to really kick this off by breaking down four points that I had today. I'm going to go over the purpose of this new community and format. I'm then going to go over sort of kind of what the platform is.

what I've envisioned for a while. And then I've got some promises that I'm going to make. And then I want to share a lesson. I want to coach right out the gate. I want to provide a perspective on a pain point that I think many of us have wrestled with over the years. So let's jump right into this man. Number one, the purpose of this community.

I broke it down into two points. Who is it for, right? Who is it for and what is it for? Who am I doing this for? I'm doing this for the people pleaser. I'm doing this for the procrastinator, right? I'm doing this for the perfectionist. I'm doing this for who I've been for the last 40 something years. I'm doing this for the people that I can speak to most.

the people who I understand the best. The people who are like me, we share in similar struggles. We suffer in the same way. We stress out in the same way. Now I've gone on to learn some things and to educate myself to plug into experiences and environments and levels of education to prepare myself.

through interpersonal skills, soft skills, spiritual development, my own personal growth, my own personal evolution, my own personal inner work. And I've gotten to a point where I know that I must begin to contribute in a meaningful way. Not that I've not been doing so, but I need to do it in a meaningful way, which means I need to

serve those who I'm called and created to serve. And so I believe that I'm called and I'm created to serve you, the people pleaser, right? The perfectionist and the procrastinator. I want to be very clear about those things. And those are not derogatory terms. I'm going to get more into that in just a moment. It's not about that. It's about being able to use words and ideas, concepts that you can

you can identify with, that you can say, yeah, that's what I call myself. Yeah, that's what the world calls me. It's not that it's about diminishing yourself, but it's a way for you to quickly and easily say, he's talking to me. Because you, the perfectionist, you continue to do and redo and redo and redo things, and you never actually finish or get across the finish line, as we say.

You, the procrastinator, you keep pushing it off, pushing it off, kicking the can down the road, doing something else, finding something else to do, to occupy your time, to distract yourself with, and you never get the main thing done. You, the people pleaser, you continue to, as I love to say, I heard this a couple of months ago, you continue to bend so that others don't break, but the things that matter most to you, they never get addressed.

That was me. And in many ways, that is me. This is not about me arriving and now I'm the guru and now I sit above you and I'm teaching down to you. This is about me just getting to a point in my growth and development to say that I'm far enough along to begin to reach back. I'm far enough along to come alongside. I've always been that way, actually. We're always that way. We're always a little further.

than someone else. We've always, you know, been developed in a particular way, ⁓ in a way that can serve and support someone else. But because I've been that people pleaser, perfectionist and procrastinator, it had to click in my own mind. And that's what I'm going to be talking about. Let me go back real quick. ⁓ I should have opened up and let me do that now. I should have opened up with.

why I named it what I named it, the permission to proceed. And I think that actually ties into my next one, right? The purpose. So I covered the who, but for what? What am I doing this for? What I have learned is all roads lead back to you and I at some point, at some point, and it may actually be continuing, but at some point you and I,

We've been, we find ourselves in environments and experiences. Those are my two that I always lean to, right? Environments and experiences that have trained us, conditioned us through trauma. These are trauma-filled environments, trauma-filled experiences. And they've trained us psychologically, cognitively. They've trained us to develop patterns

that hold us back. And the reason I created this community was to come alongside to serve and support your progress, your proceeding. Because one thing I know for certain is that we have learned to not give ourselves permission. We just don't give ourselves permission to proceed. We just don't give ourselves permission to move forward. And so this whole community

is about learning how to give ourselves permission to move forward. Because if you are a people pleaser, at some point you're going to continue to prioritize other people's priorities and you're never going to proceed on what matters to you. If you are a procrastinator, then you're someone that overthinks and you continue to complicate within your mind and within yourself those simple things or those things that you could have already gotten over and gotten through for various reasons.

But ultimately it tells you, it signals to you, I cannot yet proceed. And the perfectionist, you keep doing the thing over and over and over and over and it's never quite good enough. It's never quite, quite ready. And even when you do like me push the go button or the send button or the launch button or the post or the whatever you're doing, as soon as you do it, you go back, you look at it, you find flaws, faults and failure.

with it and with yourself. See, I don't need notes for this because I've lived this. I understand this and so I understand you and that's why I created this community. Secondly, the platform. What is this platform about? It's about podcasting. So right now I'm live but I'm gonna continue to use these live coaching moments, these live

coaching conversations. I'm not going to reveal people's names necessarily when someone's asking a question because I'm going to convert this content into my latest podcast episode. It's a way for me to live out and to actually demonstrate in real time ways, because that's what I'm going to be providing, perspectives and processes to help you to see the progress.

to help you give yourself permission to proceed. I'm gonna also, and that's the biggest thing I can do, is literally be an example, actually live it out before you. And so one of the things that helps me to proceed, to see greater progress, is to simplify and minimize the effort that it takes to get something done. One of the things that I do is I podcast. Well, I actually...

want to coach and I want to go live and I want to be able to create a community. Well, I can do all of them at once. This is something that I've thought about, dreamed about for a long time. My daughter and I, we've had conversations about this for many, many years. Like, man, what would it look like for you to do the thing, the thing that you really want to do? Well, it would look like me having a community, whether it's in person or online or a combination of both, but I would be able to

podcast and get this message and this conversation out beyond my physical reach. At the same time, be able to serve in a more intimate way and a more connective way. And so this is me launching. This is me testing it out, trying it out, seeing if it works, seeing how it works. ⁓ I'm giving it some time, right? I'm going to be going live each week and providing you with these coaching sessions through the podcasting.

and through the personal development techniques that I'm going to be sharing with you. And then I'm going to be taking your questions and I'm going to be having conversations with you again as my way of showing up to serve and support your success. Because I believe at end of the day, that's what we all are. We are contributions to the betterment of society. But we do that in a very specific God-given way, a God-gifted way. And the way that God's gifted me is through the art of communication.

And I love to podcast. love to have conversations. I love to communicate. And so that's what we're going to be doing. All right. ⁓ Number three, my promises. The first promise is I'm going to make this a conversation. Right. When people join live and they have questions and they hit me up, then we're going to have some conversations. All right. Let me hear. Let me actually let me ⁓ see if I got any anybody on here. Let me see if I got from hitting the right button.

Let me see. I just want to make sure. Okay. Yeah, let me go over here to the chat. Make sure if there's anybody that's on, I can see it. All righty, cool. ⁓ All right. So yeah, I'm going to be ⁓ creating this in a conversation style. Okay. My life has changed through conversations. Things have changed for me in and through conversations. And so I'm just going to take what I know.

and just begin to work from there. I can't wait till I know everything. I can't wait till all the pieces of the puzzle nicely fit together, you know, or perfectly fit together for me to launch. This again is a part of me demonstrating, showing you that you can't wait until it's perfect. There is no perfect. There's only progress. There's going to always be room for you to find something to point the finger at. But what we could be and should be pointing the finger at is our progress.

Wow, look, I did it anyway. Wow, look, I went live today. Wow, look, I wrote the book anyway. Wow, look, I launched anyway. Wow, look, I started the business anyway. Wow, look, I started the ministry anyway. Wow, look, I took a chance anyway. I walked up to that person and spoke to them anyway. I shot my shot anyway. That's the only thing that we should be pointing our fingers at is our daily progress. Okay? And this is not about materialistic things and having everything that you want, doing everything that...

That's not what I'm communicating. What I'm communicating in and through these conversations is that God has given you something that's on your heart, that's on your mind, that you've been putting off or ignoring or suppressing or making excuses why you can't do it. You've written narratives as to why you can't do it. You've blamed other people. I've done all these things. I understand that struggle, man. I get it. I get you. But

As I have been able to work through it, you are able to work through it. You can get there. You can get there. In fact, you're, I'm gonna save a lot of that for later, but you are there. You are there. You just have to give yourself permission to believe that. So this whole space is about you giving yourself permission. All right? The other thing that I promise, all right, to not only have conversations with you, meaningful conversations,

I also promise to not bring dogma, stigmas, religion, anything that's going to tradition, ⁓ labels, judgment, criticism. We talk a lot about safe space nowadays. And what I've discovered is a lot of people don't know how to create a safe space. And online is pretty difficult, to be honest.

There are some techniques that I've learned and I do know how to create and facilitate safe spaces in person, but the online space is a little tricky. So I'm not going to promise you a safe space. I'm going to promise you a space where I will refuse to judge, criticize, practice dogmas, subscribe to stigmas, perpetuate the problem. I take full responsibility for what I do and say. And I've set up parameters within the group.

to minimize or completely eliminate that garbage from happening amongst the members. If you want to debate and argue and bring drama and trauma, you're not gonna be a part of this group. I'm not gonna allow it because we've experienced enough of that mess. There's more than enough of that available in other spaces and places. It ain't gotta be here and it won't be here. right? So lastly, man, let's jump into one. Today, I wanna...

share with you a pain point and I'm going to share with you a perspective and a process that I've taken. And if there's anybody that's jumping on live, anyone has any questions, I can see them and I can answer those questions as well. But the first pain point that I want to address today, and I call these your progress preventers. right, anything that prevents your progress, those are the things that we're going to tackle. All right.

But if you're anything, well, because you're something like me, I don't have to ask that question anymore. If you're anything like me, no, I know that you're like me because you're in this group, okay? You're watching, you're tapping in. So because you're like me, you understand that we have, for the majority of us, if you're in America, I can't speak for other countries, I haven't been to other countries, but for the good old US of A, we...

know a little something about being conditioned through a culture of comparisons and consumerism. Consumption and comparing. And what it does is in the area of success, we've been trained from as small as we can remember to look at other people's examples. And we've actually been conditioned and trained to believe that if we're going to succeed, that we've got to do it their way.

And what that does is it creates comparisons, detrimental comparisons, right? Because you can't do it their way. You can follow systems, you can follow little formats and things like that. But at the end of the day, you're not them and you'll never succeed in the way that they succeed. And that's okay because you're designed to succeed in the way that you are designed to succeed. But the pain point is we compare ourselves to death and we consume ourselves to death.

We're on social media, we're watching TV, we're around other folks, we're in different communities, we're constantly being bombarded and inundated with information about someone else. And I'll be going more into this in later episodes, but what I've also discovered is that from birth, we have been trained and conditioned to buy into, adopt, believe, to just completely

What's the word for it? ⁓ Completely, ⁓ and I have a little pop-up over here. Sorry about that. That's what happens when you go live. Had a little pop-up over there. ⁓ We have been told and sold on the idea of building a relationship with everyone else and everything else except for ourselves.

And so what happens is because you are not building and cultivating a healthy relationship with yourself before trying to cultivate a healthy relationship with everyone else and everything else, you either A, lose yourself or in most cases you never even get to know yourself. And that's why maybe in those midlife years, that midlife crisis, we're trying to find ourselves.

because we were never taught ourselves. We were never given the space and we were never allowed the freedom to learn ourselves. And so we're trying to learn how to live someone else's life. You see how deep the rabbit hole goes? And so what happens is when we're trying to learn how to live someone else's life, then we're consumed with consuming other people's lives. And we're consumed with comparing our lives that we don't know very well

to someone else's life who's very well developed. We do it all the time. If you're an up and coming whatever, you're looking to those that have gone before you and you're comparing yourself saying, man, I'll never be like that. I'll never do it like that. And even if you're not having these conscious conversations, they're not truly top of mind. They're not truly conscious. You're not really aware that you're having this dialogue with yourself.

It doesn't matter. It's still just as effective because that inner dialogue is beneath the surface, is subconscious, and you're having that dialogue and you're defeating yourself. You're denying yourself per mission to be yourself, to do you, to move forward, to be everything that God's created you to be. And so today's pain point that I want to cover is the fact that there is nothing new under the sun. Okay? Well,

That's not the pain point. Let me say the pain point one more time and then I'll share sort of what the solution is that I practice. Okay? The pain point is comparisons and consuming other people's lives and then defeating and deflating and denying yourself as you compare and as you consume. Because you haven't learned

how to consume yourself. You haven't learned how to navigate yourself. You haven't learned how to assess yourself. You haven't learned how to evaluate yourself. You haven't taken any assessments. You don't know what you have. You're looking at someone else's gift and trying to emulate, that's not the right word, trying to duplicate, trying to replicate, trying to copycat someone else's giftings or talents, the things that God's given them, and you don't know what yours are.

And so you're out of alignment. You're trying to align with someone else's design and that doesn't work for you. So the key really is alignment with your design, getting aligned with your divine design. Okay? And so one thing that I've learned is embracing the idea because it's true, but only you can decide if it's true. I've adopted this idea because you can adopt and you can train

consuming others, comparing yourself to others and trying to copycat others. That's one option. The other option here is you can train, can accept, you can adopt and you can grow in your awareness of the fact that you are God's innovation. You are God's innovation. Truly, God's innovation. Like literally, you are the innovation of God. Created,

in the divine likeness and image of your creator. To be you. But being you is innovation. Why? Because by definition, innovation is presenting old things in new ways. That's why I began with there's nothing new under the sun. There's nothing new that I'm saying right now.

I'm just saying it in the way that works for me, the way I flow, that I'm the possible way. I'm just being the best version of me. There's all kinds of self-development books, personal development books, gurus, teachers, ⁓ mentors, speakers, prophets, teachers, pastors. You got all kinds of people saying similar things that I'm saying, but I say it in the way that's unique to me.

So my job is not to be like them, copycat them, compare myself to them, contrast me to them, consume them. My job is to really put a pause on so much comparing and consuming and learn how to look within, to assess, to take account for, and this is what Renata taught, to take account for what

I've been given and what I've been created as and given as. See, God's given us gifts, but we've also been given as a gift. And that's when it gets special. That's when it gets special. That's when chains break. That's when deliverance happens. That's when revelation comes rushing in because it's like, yo, that's why that person dances like that. That's why that person sings.

like that. That's why that person builds businesses like that. They're fashioned for it. They're designed for it. They're created for it. And instead of comparing yourself to them, you can actually begin to celebrate them, which actually creates a greater level of energy within yourself and for yourself ⁓ and your creativity because you're not all in the mud because you're comparing yourself, but you're actually cheering other people on. You're actually celebrating the godness that is them.

And then you're able to look at the godness that is you, which is your identity, your design, your divineness, because you are an extension of God. You are an expression of God. You are God's creation, child. You are God's contribution to the betterment of our society. See, these are concepts that I will teach, that I will continue to lay out on this platform.

and in this community and break down further so that you at least have the opportunity to understand that you have another option. And when you begin to work these things in your heart and in your mind, you're going to begin to give yourself permission. You're going to begin to give yourself the allowance that is due you. You have to allow yourself to live. You have to allow yourself to express yourself. You have to allow yourself.

to be yourself because the world won't do it. The world will not give you permission. They will continue to sell you programs. They will continue to push content down your throat that continues to tell you that, you made a little progress, but there's always more. Yeah, you made a little progress, but there's always more. Yeah, you're doing okay, but there's always more.

And you're never giving yourself permission to just fully embrace and just fully be, to be satisfied, to be content, just to be you. And this is why I created this, this community, because I'm passionate about sharing these concepts, because I know that they're life changing. They changed my life. I know that the right one at the right time will help

change your life. So I want you to understand that you are God's innovation. You are like a filter. Think of it like, I don't have an example in front of me. ⁓ Maybe I can use this coffee cup, but it's like this little coffee cup I got from Hawaii. ⁓ This isn't the best example, but at least it has an opening on the top where you can pour something in. Think of yourself like this container.

Like you're like this coffee cup. And right now inside this coffee cup, we got some coffee. And there's a little lid right here that I can just kind of slide over and I can drink the coffee out of. And I want you to consider you being God's container.

No container like you. No one's shaped like you. I got a cabinet full of coffee cups. But this one's blue. This one's got this little signal or this little symbol. This one's got this kind of rim. This one is made out of this kind of material. This is my favorite cup. Although aesthetically, I've got some

dope cups from Starbucks that look way better aesthetically to my eyes, way more pleasing. But I keep using this one. Why? Because it keeps my coffee amazingly hot. Like I can put some coffee in this at like six in the morning and it's nine o'clock in the morning, three hours later. And I promise you, it's either still hot or like accept, acceptably hot. Right. If that's a word, but you get my point. But I use this one.

Because of what it's made of, for whatever reason, it retains the heat, like no other coffee cup I have. And I'm a coffee drinker, so it's a value to me. That's another show. You're valuable because of your design. Because of the way that God's created you and designed you, you bring value into the world inherently, intrinsically. But that's another show. But consider yourself being this container. And the creativity is poured into you.

The stuff that ain't new under the sun is poured into you. You get a hold of it. Well, when it's poured into you and the cap is put on, when it gets poured out, there's a different experience. Remember, I told you, I use that coffee cup because of the experience that I have with that coffee cup. I could use other coffee cups, but the experience ain't the same. Some of them have lids, some of them don't. Some of them are white, some of them are gold, some of them are copper color.

Right? All different colors, shapes, sizes. You get my point. You get where I'm going with this. And they all provide a unique experience of, get this, now I'm preaching, the same coffee.

It's the same coffee, The coffee didn't change. What changed? The container. Mm, mm, mm.

The same is true for you. While you're busy controlling, or not controlling, but just like me, while you're busy, I'm busy, we're busy comparing ourselves and consuming others, whatever they're doing, we're losing precious time being the container that we've been created to be and receiving the

content, the stuff that ain't new under the sun, receiving that as downloads from God Almighty, from the infinite, from the divine, receiving that revelation, receiving that creativity into our container so that we can then release it, present it, offer it, be of use with it to someone else, that it will

serve and support. And that's what I'm trying to do in real time right here, right now, baby. What you're watching, what you're listening to is me in real time receiving the content into my container so that I may serve and support you. You will do this just in your own unique

God designed divine innovative way. And that's what it's all about. So I hope and pray that that made sense. ⁓ That's really all I wanted to share today, man. That was actually a lot, but that's what I wanted to share today. I don't know if there's anyone that is on right now on any of the chats. I'm looking at the public chats. I don't see anybody on right now.

So hey, even if you catch this on the replay, hit me up with your questions. Let me know if you have any questions about anything that I shared and I will respond within the Facebook community. If you're on YouTube, please drop a comment, feedback, questions there. I'll follow up there as well. And if you are listening on a podcast platform, then of course, as always, please leave a review. You can email me at Travell.

at I am the possible dot com travel at I am the possible dot com. Let's see. don't think I have.

the nope, did not put up my information. Yeah, I'll get that set up for next time where I can put that on the screen. But Travelle, T-R-E-V-E-A-L, Travelle at Iamthepossible.com or just head over to Iamthepossible.com. All right. And you can hit the contact link and go ahead and shoot me any questions, emails that you may have, any feedback that you may have. I'm not again, I haven't arrived.

I don't know everything. So if you have suggestions, if you have comments, ⁓ I'll entertain all of it. I'll listen, I'll read them. And I'm just trying to be better. I'm just trying to be the best I can be for the community that I've been called and created to serve and support. All right? But that's it, man. Hope and pray that again, it's been enlightening, edifying, educational, that it's built you up.

that is given life to you, that this information that I shared can be of value, can be of use to you in whatever ways that you see fit. But ultimately, I just want it to be permission for you to proceed. All right? Because it's time for you to see some progress. All right? You don't have to keep people pleasing. You don't have to keep procrastinating. You don't have to keep pushing off and

and postponing ⁓ what God has made possible for you. You don't have to. You do have a choice, and I want to help you to make that choice. All right. Well, until next time, I love you guys, praying for you guys, believing in you guys. And please remember, give yourself permission to proceed on all that God has made possible.

God bless you.