Is This Why You Aren't Getting What You Want?

Have you ever prayed for something, worked hard toward something, and still felt like you couldn’t receive it?

In this episode, I’m talking about one of the biggest unknown and unaddressed reasons we stay stuck and fail to get out of life what we want.

Sometimes the issue isn’t that the blessing, opportunity, breakthrough, or change isn’t available. Sometimes the issue is we'll talk about today!

I’ll break down how to stop sabotaging yourself, get unstuck, and start living with greater confidence, capacity, and quality of life.

#SelfTalk #SelfConcept #GetUnstuck #RenewYourMind #ChristianMotivation #MindsetShift #PersonalGrowth #Confidence #iAMthepossible

Transcript

Treveal C.W. Lynch (00:00)
We are live. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Once again into the space, into the place. This is the I Am Possible Podcast. Experience the place where possibilities become perspective. Guys, welcome once again into another experience. So happy and excited.

To be with you guys today. Today's topic: why you don't get what you want. Why you don't get what you want. Today we're going to be talking about what I believe is perhaps the number one blocker of blessings, blocker of our desires, the things that we want so often in life. And maybe you find yourself there today. You've been praying for something, you've been.

Working on something, working towards something, and it just seems like it's not happening. It's not showing up. Whatever that thing is for you is just not happening, not manifesting, not materializing, not coming to past. Today I want to highlight and I want to really draw your awareness to something that maybe we don't talk about enough. We don't unpack enough. We don't explore enough.

And that is unworthiness, the idea that I'm not worthy of it. Sounds simple, but I find that we don't always use that word, I'm unworthy. But the more you dig, the more you discover what's at the root of a lot of our issues and a lot of the reasons why we don't attain what we're after.

I've learned, I've discovered that it's this sense of unworthiness. We live in a world where everything has to be earned. Everything has to be qualified for. I mean, just think about our culture, right? Before you get anything, let's say you want a new home, you have to qualify. They have to do a background check. They have to do a credit check, rather, right? ⁓ so

You want the house, but you have to do something in order to qualify for the house. Let's say you want to take out a loan at a bank, right? What do they do? They check your credit history or they they they run something, right? They they check into something concerning you to get a better idea of your character, spending habits, right? Credit history, whatever it is, right? You get the picture. We're always in a in a position where whatever we want.

There's these powers that be. There's these walls. There's these doors. There's these pre qualifiers. There's these prerequisites. There's always something in between what we want and where we are. Even with God, right? Let's just keep it a book. Even with God, many of us, many of my audiences or the folks that are, you know, a part of my audience. ⁓ many of you guys are Christians, right? People of faith.

And sometimes we can pray and pray and pray and pray and ask God and beg God and plead with God and do backflips for God and you know, do everything that we think as Christians we need to do in order to qualify for God saying yes, for God releasing God's blessings upon us. Whatever that looks like for you, you name it, you claim it, put it into your context, as I always say. But my point is that.

We always feel like we have to earn someone's respect or approval, or we have to do something outside of ourselves, outside of who we really are, out of how we really flow, in order to qualify for something. And many times in life, at an early age and stage, we we we learned this alteration or we altered the concept that we had of ourselves.

in order to get something or to fit in somewhere, but what it did on a underlying level at a on a on a subconscious level, it it it wrote a story, right? We wrote a story about ourselves that said, I'm not worthy of this. I don't I don't I don't qualify for this. This isn't a part of my life. I I'm I'm I'm I'm not supposed to have this unless I do X, Y, and Z.

And so many times the things that we're wanting, they are available. Everything is available. Life is available. Everything is there. It's anything that you would possibly want, it's already there. Many of us are just not aware of where it is, or we're not giving ourselves access to it because of our own unworthiness. Think of it like this. And I'm going to give you some really clear advantages.

examples of how I believe this is often playing out in our lives. But think of it like this. Let's say you want something. I'm gonna just use something off the cuff. I want a new car. Okay, I want, right? Whatever that is, right? You fill in the blank. But I'm just using this as a as an example to kind of paint a picture for us. Okay. I want a new car. That's your desire. Currently you don't have the car. The car is something that you want. The concept that you have of yourself, this

unworthiness. I'm not worthy of this new car. You don't know that it's happening in the background, right? You don't know that it's happening at the subconscious level. On the conscious level, you know what you want. You've identified what you want, but on a subconscious level, you you're not worthy of it to you. That's the story that you're telling yourself. I'm I'm I'm really not worthy of it. I I I really ⁓ am not good enough. I I haven't worked hard enough. I haven't achieved enough. My income isn't

Where it needs to be. Like whatever it is that you're filling in the blank with, it boils down to you're not worthy of having that to be a part of your life. And so you want that thing. But when you go to attain it, whatever effort, whatever effort you're putting forth to go and get that thing, in that process, you're complicating matters, you're complicating your effort.

You're complicating the process. You're derailing and you're sabotaging yourself. You're talking yourself out of it. You're back, you're backstepping away from it. You're coming up with a reason. I don't know if you've ever been those types, if you're that type of person, ⁓ because I've been that way and I've certainly seen other people this way. They want something and they get right up to the moment where it's gonna happen. Like right up to the moment where they're gonna attain the thing. And

Dog on it, something happens. Every single time, something comes up. Plans change magically, right? Something falls through. Someone didn't come through. Some something didn't happen. But at the end of the day, whatever it is, because the mind and life loves to align. Right? Your life loves to align with your most dominant belief and thought concerning you. And so some way, somehow.

On schedule, something happens and it derails the plans and you don't get the car. For whatever reason, it's not that the car isn't available. It's not that you don't really qualify for the car. It's not that you couldn't have the car, like in terms of possession. But you don't feel worthy of driving that nice of a car. You don't feel worthy of managing and maintaining that new car.

And so you find a way to not have that to be a part of your life. I want to speak to specifically one that really touched my heart, those who are of the faith and those who pray. ⁓ because this all boils down to the self concept, right? There's this concept of you that is unworthy. Many of us pray and we ask God to bless us with something. We ask God to help us in a particular area in our lives.

And some of us, right? Some of us are waiting for it to fall out the sky, type of, you know, answer to our prayers. But some of us are sincerely willing to ⁓ you know, work for that thing or find that thing in life. And so we pray, we ask God for that open door. We're asking God to to to show up in some particular area of our lives. And what we're unaware of is that your brain is wired.

By endless biases. You've developed biases over your entire lifetime. And there's one particular one called a confirmation bias, right? This confirmation bias just basically says that your brain is number one, its mission is to ⁓ protect you, right? Self-preservation, right? To keep you safe. And the perceived ⁓ danger can be extreme, like ⁓ a pit bull running towards you.

Or it could be a perceived danger like embarrassment. I just don't want to be embarrassed, right? But the brain doesn't dis the brain doesn't say, well, that's a pit bull and that's embarrassment. It just says danger. So it wants to protect us. And so knowing that it's just wired for protection in general, it's it's going to, by default, make sure that it's hyperaware of anything that's going to cause you pain.

That's going to cause you suffering and you're going to avoid it. But on top of that, we have this confirmation bias that says, whatever I already believe, my brain is wired to continuously confirm that to be true. Now, I don't know enough about this. I'm studying it and ⁓ I'm I'm I'm I'm really fascinated by it. But there's also these dopamine hits.

That we that we get. I'm sure you've heard about dopamine. It's just that feel-good hormone that says I'm accomplishing or I'm working toward what I'm accomplishing. ⁓ I see evidence, I see progress, right, towards the things that I want. And it's just a hormone, it's a chemical that's released in the brain that just makes you feel good, that keeps you motivated, that keeps you alert, that keeps you on point because you feel like you're making progress towards a thing. And progress to us as humans, it just feels good. And so many times.

This confirmation bias works against us because the thing that we're praying for often goes against our current reality. Where we're currently at, where we're what we're currently doing, what we currently ⁓ lack or don't have, it wants to confirm that to be true. So if you feel like you're unworthy, then the brain wants to continuously show you.

Yeah, you don't need to have that in your life. Yeah, that that's not a part of who you are. Your your self-con your self-concept is always driving what you are aware of. I think I shared this a couple of times on some other ⁓ might not have been a podcast episode, might have just been some social media stuff that I was I was releasing, but there's this area in the brain, this medial prefrontal cortex. And this area in the brain, it it it is responsible.

For making decisions. And one of the most powerful decisions that it's responsible for making is what you're going to pay attention to throughout the day. What's going to show up for you? What you're going to be hyper aware of, what's going to be revealed in and through your day. It's like a filter. It filters out the things that are not so important. And it makes sure that you that you pay attention to and that you call out and that you identify and that you see very clearly the things that you

You already believe about yourself. And so if unworthiness is working in the background, if the concept that you currently have of yourself is the concept of unworthiness and you're not aware of that, you can pray all day. You can, you can ask God, excuse me, you can ask God all day. You can want for something all day long. But if you don't feel worthy of having that thing in your life, then the self-concept, right? It's going to communicate.

With that medial prefrontal cortex is going to communicate every morning when you wake up. You're going to pray, God bless me with blank. And then because you're not aware of the concept that you have of yourself, and you're not aware that a part of that concept is unworthiness, this is where the frustrating cycle happens, where you start to doubt yourself. You start to doubt God. You start to doubt your faith. You start to doubt if God loves you, if God's there, if if if if God's going to show up for you. You start to doubt.

whether or not you're gonna ever see change in your life because you're not aware that you even have a self-concept and you're not aware that that self-concept is one of unworthiness. And so you want something, but that's not, but that's the reason that you don't get what you want. Because you you have not upgraded, you've not improved, you've not altered, you've not calibrated the self-concept. And so the the concept, because the pre for the cortex is

It's it's it's getting its information for making decisions from the self-concept. It's like it's communicating, it's literally communicating. It's saying, Hey, who do you believe you are? What's the story of your life? What's supposed to be in your life? What's supposed to show up in your life? How does life supposed to go? How is your day supposed to go? Think of it as two people communicating, right?

That media prefrontal cortex, it's communicating with your self-concept and saying, okay, regardless of what he's asking for, regardless of what he wants, who or who he or she, ⁓ who do you believe you are? And based upon who you believe you are, that's what we're going to pay attention to. So the blessing, the breakthrough, the access to the thing could be right in front of you, but you filter it out.

You don't see it. You don't notice it. You don't pick up on it. And even if you did, then it goes back to what we talked about earlier. You talk yourself out of it. You work yourself out of it. You deny yourself permission to have it because the concept does not align. The concept is not congruent with the thing that you are wanting and desiring. And so is this bulletproof? Is this always the case? No. But I have discovered that it is the case more often than we know, than we think.

And I just want to continue to press the point. I want to continue to expose this and to and to and to talk about this because I don't think enough of us respect the idea that we have of ourselves, how important it is, how vital it is, how it is literally playing such a vital role in what shows up in our lives and what we what we what we get in our lives.

Something else I want to talk about when it comes to this unworthiness. If you are experiencing this, right? If you can really talk to yourself and really say, man, yeah, that's that's speaking to me. I I don't know if I really feel worthy of having some of these nicer things or getting free from some of these things, right? Because you have this at some point in your life, at some age and stage, someone said something to you, someone, you know, did something to you, and ⁓ or you observed something, right?

Always talk about the three E's, right? Your environments, the things that you are around that you're picking up on, your experiences, the things that happen directly to you or that are said to you, and your events, right? Your events, the things that you are, that you are a part of, right? It may not be personal, but you're a part of something collective. And those things, they are forms of education.

Because at the younger ages and stages of life, we don't have the cognitive skill sets yet to properly interpret and properly ⁓ identify what those things are and to assign them a meaning that is responsible, right? That that keeps us emotionally healthy and emotionally regulated. So we just embody those things, we inherit those things, we adopt that pain, that suffering, and it just gets trapped within us, right? Because we haven't dealt with it.

And that's why ⁓ going to therapy is so important, right? And so I'm a product of that. Therapy has has changed my life ⁓ because it helped me to process some things that had that just had never been processed. ⁓ but my point is here is ⁓ that we we really want to we really want to be aware ⁓ that the idea of of worthiness

Is something that we make up. All right. It's something that we make up. Being worthy of something, who gets to define that? Like, have you ever thought about that? Who gets to define worthiness? Like the qualifier? I'm unworthy. You may feel worthy. Why? What have you done or not done? Who are you or

Or not that you get to feel worthy. Who am I? Or what am I not? Or what have I done? Or what have I not done? For me to feel unworthy. It's subjective. It's not truth. It's not facts, as we say. Unworthiness or worthiness is a product is a product of our own thinking.

Excuse me, depending on the things that we've been exposed to in those environments, experiences, events. Those things were interpreted and assigned a meaning that then gave way to either I'm I'm still good, I'm worthy of whatever, or you know what? I'm not, I'm not worthy, I'm unworthy. But that's subjective, that's from person to person. So the first thing that I want to do is I want to just

I want to debunk debunked the idea of worthiness. There is no earning of worthiness. You're alive. You're a human. You're here. You're worthy because you're alive. There is no qualifier to be worthy or to be unworthy. You get to decide that.

Treveal C.W. Lynch (19:24)
Because again, remember, when they happened, you were at an age and stage in life when you couldn't properly process it. You didn't have the cognitive skill sets. You didn't know any better. Now that you know the information that I'm sharing, you can go back to those moments and take each one and basically interrogate it.

Like a cop, right? You you you get somebody at the station that you think ⁓ is the criminal, they're the they're the you know person that committed the crime, right? Cause sometimes these these these experiences that we've had, they're like they're like crimes against us, right? And so you you're you're you're capturing that thought, you're capturing that that event, and you're saying, okay, what else could this mean? When I was a child, I thought it meant that I was no good.

When I was a child, I thought it meant that I was not worthy of love. I was not worthy of acceptance. I thought it meant that ⁓ the world hated me or that the world was against me, whatever it was, right? You go back and you say, okay, this is what I thought formerly. Now that I consciously want to improve my life and I consciously respect the fact that I have a self-concept that is communicating with my brain.

And it is literally controlling what I see and what shows up in my life and how I live my life and what I give my per what would I give myself permission to receive or not receive in my life because I'm aware of this. I am now going to choose a new meaning to assign this. One that is going to work for me and not against me. One that is going to encourage me and not discourage me. One that is going to build me up and not tear me down.

One that is going to move me forward and help me build a concept of myself that gives me permission to receive the things that I want in my life. That's it. That's where you start questioning those things, man. Because as a child, you didn't question them. You adopted them. You accepted them as truth. And as you got older, you never addressed it. You thought you forgot about it. You thought you pushed it away. You thought it was over.

But it wasn't. It stayed. It connected. It built something in here that continues to show up and derail you and sabotage you and keep you from your best life, keeping you from the things that you're praying for. So, no, God is not against you. The world is not against you. But your concept can be: it can be against you getting what you want. And you can you can change that concept. So, guys, I just wanted to bring some awareness to that today.

⁓ please click the link in my description. I'm actually going to be coming out with, and that's going to be a part of that that link as well. But I'm going to be providing you a script that's going to just help you. It's just a quick download, couple pages, just a script for helping you to rewrite the narrative, to rewrite your story, to begin to do what I just explained how to do, how to go back to those instances and say, Hey, that's not that's not working for me.

Because again, remember, we are meaning makers. We are meaning makers. We make up the meaning. Nothing is inherently anything until we assign it a meaning. This is why we can take the cup, half empty, half full. It's subjective. It's whatever that person assigns it. It becomes whatever that person assigns it. And again, it's been proven. We all know this.

We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are. We are projecting from the inside out. Again, this is why you can want something so bad and continue to miss it, overlook it, believe that it's just not there. And it actually could be there, but you're not, you're not picking up on it because the brain is filtering based upon the projection that is based upon the concept that you have of yourself. Does that make sense?

Does that make sense? So, how do you solve all of this? You solve it at the root. You change the concept. You change the concept, you change the internal conversation between your concept and your and your medial prefrontal cortex, the concept between you and yourself. You change the concept, change the conversation, change the conversation, you change your capacity, you begin to expand, you begin to grow, you begin to develop, you begin to have more.

Internal space, in internal storage, so that now you can take on the new responsibility. You can now manage and maintain the things that you're praying for. You can now give yourself permission for those things to come into your life. Whereas before, your concept was saying, No, no, no, I can't take on that responsibility. Because every new thing that we're praying for, every new thing that we're desiring, every new thing that we're looking for, it comes with responsibility. Are you able to respond to the weight, the pressure?

The requirements that come with that new thing. Well, the better you improve your concept, thus your conversations, thus your capacity, the more you'll be able to say to yourself, Yes, I can. I can manage and maintain that thing well without overwhelming myself, without becoming depressed, without becoming ⁓ judgmental, without without sabotaging myself, without derailing myself, without pushing others away. This is it, guys.

So I hope and pray that you hear my heart. ⁓ I wanna go ahead and wrap it up there. But I really wanted to meet someone where they are if you're dealing with these thoughts and these feelings of unworthiness. Remember it's an illusion. It's an illusion. Nothing is i is is not real.

Who says you're not worthy? You? Okay, well, that's good news. If you're the one that's saying that you're not worthy, then change what you say. And you can begin to change what you say by changing the concept that you have of yourself. And you begin changing the concept that you have of yourself by addressing the things that got you to that point. And by choosing consciously to say, where I am today is in process. I am

Practicing coming out of the old, coming into the new. And the new is aligned with the evidence that I can begin to give myself. Such as just like you go back to those instances, those environments and experiences and those events that once told you that you're not worthy, you can now go to instances because we all have them, where we have overcome, we have, you know, won the war, won the battle, we've persevered, we've been resilient.

We've gotten some things in life. We've achieved some things in life. You start to go back to those things, right? Tony Robbins says, we don't get life. We get the life that we focus on, right? Right. So it is focusing on the wins, focusing, you know, as we say, a win is a win. Focus on your wins. Focus on what you have done. Focus on what you have achieved. As small in your mind as it may be. But the more you focus on it, guess what? The more it amplifies. Like a magnifying glass, right?

Right? The more you focus, the more amplified it becomes, the bigger and the larger it becomes. And that's what you want to do. You want to begin to reconstruct your concept based upon your ability, your capability, your giftings, your talents, the things that God's given you, the fact that you have done some things. And simultaneously, you're going back to the old and saying, That's not true. Let's rewrite that story. And you're also

Focusing on what you have done so that you can begin to present to yourself the evidence that you need to begin to speak better of yourself and to begin to see better of yourself. Right? So that's it, man. That's the framework. I'm gonna be coming out with workshops on this. I'm gonna be coming out with some online workshops, some in-person workshops. Cause I'm so excited about really teaching and and and really unpacking this framework with as many people as I can. All right. The framework, concept.

What I see in myself, right? That's the self-concept, which lends to the conversations, right? What I say to myself, right? That then leads to the capacity, what I sustain for myself, right? Which then leads to the kinds of change that we desire, right? What I am able to succeed at long term. And that's it, man. That's the magic.

Right? That's the blessing, right? And it's all in your control. It's all under your autonomy, under your agency. God has given you the ability to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And a part of that renewal is renewing the self-concept. No one gets to tell you, including yourself, that you are unworthy of anything.

Anymore if you choose to accept this mission. All right. It is not a mission impossible. It's a mission possible. Your change is possible. Love you guys. Praying for you guys. Believing in you guys. Until next time.