Is Your Past Holding You Back? 5 Step Strategy To Move On!

Most of us are stuck reliving our past wounds, trauma, and limiting beliefs—without even realizing it.

What if I told you that the key to breaking free isn’t trying to ignore your past, but investigating it?

In this episode, I share some of my childhood struggles and how I finally overcame years of playing small, shrinking back, and giving in to everything everyone wanted from me just to feel accepted.

Finally, I’ll provide you with the same powerful yet simple framework I used to break free, so you can begin using it, as I did, to revisit and redefine the hurtful things that were done to you—so you can move on and move beyond them.

The things I share in this episode aren’t based on theory. They’re based on my real-life experience—a tried-and-tested blueprint for genuine freedom that will help you live out your potential with boldness and authenticity rather than continuing to be held back by your past.

Transcript

Treveal C.W. Lynch (00:00)
Today, guys, we are talking about how to move on and how to get past your past. All right. How to move on beyond the past. How to get unstuck from the past. However you want to name it, however you want to frame it. We're dealing with how to overcome the past hurts, the trauma, the drama, the things that

Keep coming up and keep keeping you stuck. Guys, if this is your first time joining us, this is the I Am the Possible podcast experience, the place where possibilities become perspective, and your change is possible through the practice I'm about to show you today.

Guys, if you're anything like me, you grew up and you had some things done to you, said to you. And because we have these things called memories, we remember what was done. We remember what was said. And many times, just because the way of our culture, the way that our culture kind of works, is we kind of grow up and we limit our lives based upon.

Or at least we believe we are, limiting our lives based upon the things that were done to us, the things that were said to us. Many times we played the victim, and many times we say, Well, that person did this, so I can't do this. Or that person said this, so now I can't, I can't do this. Today's episode is for the person out there, you are struggling with moving forward. You are struggling with getting unstuck. You are struggling with proceeding. You are struggling with

With launching, you know how we say failure to launch. You're struggling with launching, going for it, seeing progress, consistency because of the things that have been done to you and the things that have been said to you. But today I want to give you a framework. Today I want to provide you something that I believe is going to open up truly a world of possibilities.

Because the problem is not the problem. See, the problem is not what we think it is. And today I'm going to reveal what the real issue is, what the real problem is. It's not what we think. So let's jump right into this. Many times we think when we're being held back, when we don't feel like we're able to move forward, like things just aren't going to change for us. Many times we believe that it was due to the actual events.

That happened. I was molested as a child. I'm I'm I'm I'm gonna just use my own example today. Okay. I was abused and misused. I was I was bullied all of my childhood. But a part of that abuse, right? Miles Monroe always said it. Anytime that you use something other than other than the purpose for which it was created, it's called abuse, abnormal use. So I was abused.

On so many different levels as a child. But today I want to focus on and just give you one example because I intend to continue to share my stories and continue to unpack my past and to show you how I've gone from where I was to where I am. But today we're going to focus on sexual abuse. I was I was abused multiple times sexually as a child. And if you can identify with that,

If someone touched you in the wrong way, you were molested, you were, you were, you were sexually abused, you were sexually assaulted, ⁓ then you can understand where I'm coming from. Many times we think that the problem was the event, the experience that we had. And that's legit. It happened and it wasn't a good thing. It wasn't a positive thing, right? So let's

Start by just validating the fact that yes, I feel you. It happened, just like it it happened in my life. But what I wanna help you with today, and I wanna use the bulk of my time on is unpacking a framework that I didn't even know I was utilizing, but it's come to to light. And now I wanna begin to teach this framework to help ⁓ you know, serve and support other people that have gone through the the problems that that that I've gone through.

Right, who have had similar struggles in life. So multiple times in my childhood, I was sexually abused, amongst other things, but I was sexually abused. And what I've come to know is that the event wasn't the problem. Here's what the problem really was. You ready for it? It was the conclusion. It was the conclusion that I made.

About myself because of the experience. The conclusion is what's holding me back. Not the event itself. And I want to unpack this for you. I'm not discrediting what they did. I'm not saying that they get off the hook. Those people did what they did, and they shouldn't have done what they did.

But what they did is done. It's past tense. It was already done to you.

They're not doing that anymore. So why does what they did past tense continue to have influence on your now, on your today? Like for me, I don't even remember how young I was, but it was around maybe seven or eight years old the first time. I'm 49.

Why would that still have an effect on me forty-two years later, 41 years later? Because it's not what they did. It was the conclusion that I made concerning myself based on what they did. Conclusions are what create, and here it comes, the concept, the concept we have of ourselves.

We're not living life based upon reality or what's real or any of those things. I'm sure you've heard this before. We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are. We're projecting, we're seeing life through a lens that is constructed by our concept. And our concept is constructed by the conclusions.

That we've made concerning ourselves over time based upon the experiences and our interpretation, the meaning, what we assigned it, what we concluded about ourselves because of the experiences and because of the events.

Let me break this framework down for you. Let me show you on the screen. I want to show you on the screen. Let me share my screen with you. Let me put my glasses on so I can make sure I'm hitting the right button. But I want to show this, show you this, man. This is fascinating stuff here. This is really fascinating stuff. And I think it's gonna really unpack this for you. All right. Check it out. This is from my signature framework. All right. This is not the official framework.

But it it's it's it's taken from it and it kind of gives you the full picture. Okay, the first thing is we have an experience, all right? I'ma I'm gonna go through this framework and then I'm gonna give you how to go about getting unstuck, how to go about giving yourself permission to move forward, how to go about succeeding and you know really seeing the progress.

That you want to see. I'm going to show you how to go back and how to redo this thing so that you can begin to see yourself in a way that allows the things that you want changed in your life to change and the progress that you want to see in your life to take place and the good things that you're praying for to manifest. All right. So, number one, we have these experiences. So, in my case, I was sexually abused. That was the experience.

Now, the experience in and of itself is not my problem. But this is where my problem begins. Through the interpretation, the meaning that I gave what the experience was showing me. Now, many times, as you've noticed, I talked about childhood. For many of us, right? The trauma and the drama happens in our most

Vulnerable, most underdeveloped, most success, ⁓ accessible ages and stages in life. And we're drawing conclusions at an age and stage in life when we have no business drawing a conclusion. That's why it gets messy. Because we as a child, as a seven-year-old, eight-year-old, we don't have the cognitive framework, we don't have the cognitive capacity.

To rightfully understand or to discern or to interpret or to address or to process the experience. So as a child, when I'm being sexually molested, that's the experience. But where the problem takes root is the meaning I give it. Now, the meaning I give the event, and get this: the meaning that I give life itself.

This is where our reality begins to be shaped. This is where the construct of reality begins to be built. All right. So the meaning I gave it, and I'm just taking you through my life's example. The meaning that I gave that was the world is full of bad people. People cannot be trusted. People are going to do you dirty. People are going to do you bad. That was the meaning I gave that.

Adults are are wrong. I can't trust myself around other people. People, people can't be trusted, right? That was the meaning that I gave that. Now, was that true? No, not of all people. Because of course, there are people in this world that can be trusted. But at that age and stage, without the cognitive capacity to be able to say,

Those folks over there can be trusted, but these people over here can't be trusted. I gave that event and life and people the meaning, the interpretation that, you know what, people can't be trusted. They just can't be trusted. And I gotta watch my back. And people are gonna do me wrong at some point. So that began to give way to, and here it comes, the conclusion. What did I conclude about myself?

Based upon that experience. What I concluded was because they took advantage of me, number one, I'm too weak to defend myself. That was the very first thing. Like I took time to go back through this experience and revisit those moments. Cause I remember some of the spaces and places that I was in. I don't have a vivid memory of like the person or the faces, but I I can remember the moment.

Where we were and kind of what what took place. Like I I got some, right? So so I'm working with some memory. And I I took the time to go back to ask myself these questions. What meaning did I give that? And what did I conclude about myself? Right. So I'm I'm just I'm I'm just sharing my story, my life. I concluded for Trevale, I'm too weak to defend myself. I I I cannot stand up for myself. ⁓

I don't have the right to tell people no. Because again, they were they were taking advantage of my body, my personal space. They were teaching me. That's why I always say experiences are as educators. Experiences are like educators. They're a form of education. They're informing your your brain, your beliefs, and they are educating and they are informing your your body, your behavior.

Especially at that age and stage in life. So your brain is being educated, your body is being educated, your beliefs are being being created, your behaviors are being created, being cultivated, patterns are being built without you even knowing it. Because I concluded I'm not safe in this world. I concluded I cannot stand up for myself. I concluded that that that I'm unsafe.

That I cannot say no. I concluded that I'm too weak. I'm too small.

That I'm ⁓ for everyone else's use. If you've ever seen me speak live, I I take around this little ragdow, this Raggedy Ann and Andy doll. And because that's how I felt in life. Like life, like for me, I was a ragdow because people use me and abuse me so much. I felt like I was just life's ragdowl. So that meant people could just use me any other type of way that they wanted to use me. I I didn't have any agency, autonomy.

That was what I concluded. So, how do you think that now works out for me? I built a concept around that. The concept of me now, because that conclusion, and this is one example of many, but you gotta imagine if I'm being bullied, I'm being rejected, I'm being ⁓ you know, you know, I'm I'm always the kid, last picked.

You know, on the playground, I'm always the one being bullied and, you know, ran home. I'm always the one being molested. I'm always the one being made fun of. I'm always the one, you know, always on the outs, never fitting in. And so now my concept is I don't fit in. I'm an outsider. I'm not accepted. I'm not welcomed. My concept, my beliefs, my values were I'm gonna do me, I'm gonna.

stick to a small group of people, if anyone at all. I'm gonna be a loner. You know, and a lot of people say, well, I'm an introvert. I don't know if people are really introverts by nature. Maybe we are, maybe so. But I think a part of my being an introvert is safety. If I'm by myself, I'm I'm the safest. No one can harm me. No one can hurt me.

So now I got this concept where I don't want to go, as they say, outside. I don't want to be around other people. I'm not very social. So now I have this concept of myself where think about this. If I'm going into business or if I'm going into corporate America or if I'm going into a church or if if I'm going into something where being social is important or building relationships is important, I'm having a hard time with that because I don't trust anybody.

I'm just waiting for you to trip me up. I'm I'm just waiting for you to stab me in the back. My relationships in life, they've been so strained, so random, so inconsistent. I only, to this day, to this day, I only have a few people in my life that I can say, Yep, I truly trust that person. A few people that I meet with on a consistent basis, a few people. And maybe that's a good thing, depending on how you, you know, think about it. But

Again, I'm just letting you know how it has affected me. So my concept now is one that I can't trust people. ⁓ you know, I I'm I'm I'm I'm not outgoing. I'm not social. I like to stick to myself. I mean, even when I started teaching and preaching, I always saw that it was easy for me to get up on a stage and preach, or get up on a stage and teach. The room could be filled, hundreds of people, thousands of people.

I have no problem getting on a stage. Even as a youngster, ⁓ my grandmother got me into acting. And, you know, the house would be packed. I would do all of these ⁓ stage plays, and the house would be packed. I mean, just hundreds of people. Yet, when I got off the stage, I stuttered. On the stage, I didn't stutter. Off the stage, I didn't want to mingle, I didn't want to do any small talk.

I wanted to just go straight to the car or straight home or straight to the back. But on stage, I lit up. I could perform. I could speak with clarity, with power and authority. I could act out the role with perfection. Just like preaching and teaching. When I'm on the stage, I can do my thing. But coming off the stage, I don't want to mingle. I don't want to be in these small ⁓ you know groups because I don't know what to say. I don't know how to connect. I don't know how to do that because I don't know if I can really trust you.

See how that can really hinder the things that you want to do in life. And then the conversations that I began to have with myself, right? The inner talk, the inner dialogue, it moves from the concept, it goes into the conversations that you have for your have with yourself, right? And so those those conversations were: yeah, ⁓ you better not, you better not try to plug into that group because

You know it's only a matter of time before someone does you wrong. You know how many groups I've started and stopped? You know how many groups I've been in for various reasons. Like training groups, small groups, ⁓ personal development groups, Facebook groups, you know, meetups, networking events.

I never did well and I never stayed long term.

Because I was always afraid someone's gonna do me wrong, someone's gonna take advantage of me, who's gonna backstab me? I'm always on the lookout, I'm always fight or flight. But see how those limitations, those inabilities has held me back for so many years from doing the very things that I needed to do to get me where I wanna go. And perhaps you're perhaps this is bringing up something for you.

You say you want to go somewhere. You say you want to do something with your life, but the very steps that are necessary for you to get there, you're not taking those steps because those steps terrify you because of this very process right here. Second, ⁓ not secondly, but then lastly, we move into capacity. Having that internal ⁓ fortitude to be able to manage and maintain new things that are introduced to our lives without.

Melting down without ⁓ overload, without overwhelm, without stressing out, without anxiety and depression and ⁓ you know, all of those different things that happen internally that that just wreck our our quality of life, right? Remember, the quality of life is not determined by the things that are happening externally. The quality of life is determined by the things that are happening, happening internally, right? Because I can give you a mansion.

But if you're miserable inside, you have a poor quality of life. I I I can give you the the the greatest, best, newest car in the world. And it could be worth $250,000. But if you're miserable on the inside, that car doesn't mean anything. Right? So I don't have the capacity. I didn't have the capacity to network and the capacity to

be outgoing and the capacity to do things that I that I needed to do in order to get to where I wanted to go in life. And maybe you can, maybe you can you know, resonate with this, right? You feel like, yeah, I know the steps, but I'm not taking the steps. Or I take one step and then I take two steps back because I shrink back. I shrink from the moment, right? As they say, we don't rise to the occasion. We fall to the level

Of our training. Well, the level of our training is an internal training. We've been trained by the conclusion that we made about ourselves based upon the meanings that we gave, the experiences that we've had. Okay. And so then the last thing is really the result. There really should be an equal sign for change because all of this determines the change or the possibilities or the breakthroughs or the progress or the success.

That we're trying to attain in life. So now you can maybe see if you're trying to succeed in a particular area of your life and you're wondering why you keep getting stuck, why you never take the steps that you need to take, why you never move forward ⁓ with any consistency or clarity or confidence, it all goes back to what have you concluded about yourself? What have you concluded about yourself?

So, how do we solve this? How do we solve this problem? First off, I want you to think of your problems not as problems that stop you, but think of them as like a math problem. If I gave you a math problem, two plus two, you would look at two plus two and you would say, okay, two plus two equals four. You wouldn't look at two plus two and get mad about it, right? You would just look at it and say, okay, well, I just need to solve it. And I want you to look at this.

At this problem in the same light. It's just a mathematical problem. It's a formula that you just need to be aware of, and then you just need to begin to practice. As I like to say, with the proper perspective, the proper practice, and the proper prayer, you can tap into any possibility. Possibilities are endless. Everything that God created for you, everything that God has made possible, opens up.

If you have the proper perspective, the proper practice, and the proper prayer, all right? The perspective, how you see things, practice, how you do things, and prayer. At the end of the day, respecting the fact that at your core, you are created as something good, and there is a creator that sees you as something good.

And wants nothing but something good for you. So you pray you reconnect with the source that's going to reconnect you back to who you really are, what these things really mean. So let's break it down. How do we solve this? We reverse engineer it, we revisit, and we redefine these things that have happened in our lives. All right? Get that, write that down.

Revisit and redefine. So now let's play it back. Let's take my example of being sexually abused as a child. Let's go right back. Number one, experience, right? The experience. I was sexually abused. Got it. That's the event. The meaning. I assigned it, the world is dangerous and people can't be trusted. Is that true? That's what you're doing. You're questioning it. Is that true?

Is the world dangerous? Okay, yes. But is it also not dangerous? Yes. The law of polarity comes into effect right now. There are some things that are not safe, and there are some things that are safe. But the idea that the world blanket statement, totality, all inclusive, is unsafe, that's not accurate. So we cancel that out. We consciously cancel it out. That's not true.

There are some things that are safe. There are some things that are unsafe. There are some people that are safe. There are some people that are unsafe. So this now opens you up. This begins to chip away at that conclusion. You see? You're chipping away at that hard shell. You're chipping away at that callousness. You're chipping away at that conclusion. And you're making a pathway, a way to the possible. You're making a way for you to begin to see yourself and see life and see.

Everything around you in a whole different way. So now when you start to chip away at that meaning and say, okay, ⁓ I said people are gonna do you bad. Well, will some do you bad? Sure. Will some people keep it a buck and love you and support you and show up for you? Yes. Law of polarity, right? There is no one-sided piece of bread, there is no one-sided coin for every good, there is a bad, for every evil.

There is a righteous for every up, there is a down. For every left, there is a right. For every, you know what I'm saying? So you gotta open it up. You gotta open it up. You've concluded. See, when you conclude something, you lock and load. It's final. It's like a judge banging that gavel. You know what I'm saying? It's like once that judge gives the sentence, boom, they hit that gavel. Ain't nothing else to be said. The bailiff is doing, you taking the person and putting them cuffs on and

Or whatever, or setting them free. But whatever the outcome is, it's final. Ain't ain't nothing else to be said. It is done. So you have to understand that in many ways you're the judge and you have concluded something that has kept you trapped, that has kept you in prison, like a judge sending someone to prison. You sent yourself to prison for all these years, cause you banged the gavel and you concluded, by the way, at an age and and at a stage when you had no business banging that gavel.

You didn't know any better. You were doing the very best you could do with the information that you had. This is not about judgment. This is not about pointing the finger at you. This is not about condemning you. This is about opening up and helping you see what happened. But here's the good news. Because you were able to do this before in a way that works against you, you are able to now do this again, all over again, in a way that works for you. So let me go ahead and break this down and wrap this up.

So, experience. I was sexually molested. Got it. Meaning it used to be unsafe world, unsafe people. Is that true? No. New conclusion. The new conclusion is because the old conclusion was I'm weak, I'm small, I can't defend myself. I can't say no. I don't have autonomy. I don't have agency. I'm a ragdow. Is that true? That's the only question you're asking yourself. Because now you're working with something.

As a child, you weren't working with very much. Today you're working with a greater awareness. Today you're working with new experiences. Today you're working with new evidence. So now I'm I'm like, yo, is this true? Well, yeah, for some, but for others, no. Because I have people in my life now that have never done me wrong, that have never treated me bad, that have never considered me a ragdow, that have done nothing but love and support me, that have done nothing but accept me just as I am. I've got new evidence now.

Now that experience isn't my only educator. I've got new experiences that have become educators of new things. So now I can consider those things. You feel me? See how this is starting to work? So now I'm concluding something new about myself. I'm concluding people can attempt to do me wrong, attempt to backstab me, attempt to abuse me, but I am no longer that seven-year-old. I am no longer that eight-year-old.

That has to put up with this, that has to tolerate this, that has to give in to this. I no longer have to ⁓ people please. I no longer have to be a perfectionist, scared to put things out and scared to take chances and tear, scared to take risks. I no longer have to be worried about someone doing me bad. I can now pick and choose the company that I keep. I can now move forward, knowing that I can stand up for myself, knowing that I can tell people no, knowing that I can defend myself.

Intellectually and physically. And you're you're you're thinking through this, you're meditating through this, you're practicing this. Remember the perspective and then the practice, you're practicing this, practicing this over and over and over and over and over. Again, this is the framework that has come out of me over the last year or so really going inward and really unpacking what has been my transformation journey. And I didn't know that I was doing these things.

So this has been my transformation. And I still got ways to go. This has helped me tremendously and break through all kinds of cycles in my life in certain areas. And then there's other areas that I'm still working through. But I got the framework to work through it. So every time it comes up, I can revert back

do the same thing that I'm teaching you to do right now. So now that you have a new conclusion, you have a new concept of yourself.

Now I am able to move forward. Now I am able to network. Now I am able to reach out to folks. Now I am able to stand up, as I say, to stand up in myself, in the presence of people, and not shrink back and not fade into the corner and not avoid the crowd. I can come off the stage now and I can look people in their eye and speak with clarity and say, hey, this is this is where it is. Right. And and be able to do those things that I know that I need to do in order to get to where I want to go.

conversation that I'm having with myself now is yeah, I I can I can choose to put myself in in places and spaces where there are people that think like me, where people can be trusted, where people are looking out for my best interests, and where I can contribute and they can contribute to me. That's a new conversation now. Like, yeah, that's possible. Right. So now I'm able to have the capacity, right?

To do the things and to go into the places and to bring in into my life the new things that I need to bring into my life and sustain those relationships, sustain those connections, sustain those groups, sustain those work habits and those and those and those ⁓ disciplines, right? In business and those disciplines in ministry and those disciplines on my job that are necessary for me to see the change that I desire to see.

This is what you're going to do. This is what you're going to do. This is it, guys, right here. This is what you're going to do. That is the process. And if you're really smart, you say process. That is the process, right there. I gave you the process. You're going to just go back and you're going to write down, take a pen, take a pad, and just write it down. Whenever you

Experience failure to launch. Whenever you know the things that are required to get you where you want to go, and you go to take a step and you shrink back and you don't do it, you can begin to ask yourself, where did that hesitation come from? Where did that hesitancy? Where did that feeling stuck come from? And you can begin to go back and say, where is the root? You can begin to pray. Where did this start?

What did I conclude about myself that's making me stop? What did I conclude about myself that's that's that's hindering my progress? What did I conclude about myself that's that's getting in the way? What have I concluded that I am or am not that continues to communicate to me? I can't give myself permission to see that kind of progress in my life.

I can't give myself permission to receive those kinds of things into my life. I can't give myself permission to experience those kinds of relationships in my life. It's getting past the past. It's moving beyond the past. It's getting over your past. Your past is real. It's legit. I validate it. ⁓ I confirm it. I, yeah, like everything that you absolutely, we're not pretending that the past didn't happen. What we're doing is.

We're learning to live through a new lens concerning the past. Maybe the past events and experiences didn't mean what they originally meant. And perhaps you can begin to conclude something new about yourself based upon those new meanings. And perhaps you can begin to build a new concept about yourself.

Based on those new conclusions about yourself. And maybe you can start to have new conversations with yourself based on the new concept that you have of yourself. And maybe you can begin to develop and cultivate a new capacity within yourself based upon the new conversations you're having with yourself, based upon the new concept you have of yourself, and perhaps, just perhaps.

The change that you've been looking for, praying for, desiring can begin to flow into your life because you would have given yourself a chance. A chance. Sometimes that's all you need is to just to give yourself a chance to win, man. To give yourself a chance to win. For those of you who are into basketball, ⁓ right now the New York Knicks are playing the San Antonio Spurs and

In multiple interviews from both both teams, this phrase keeps coming up when they're interviewing these players. I trust my training. I trust my training. They're like, We're too far in the season to abandon all the work that I've put in. I trust my training. I put the time in, I put the work in. I'm in my bag, so to speak. Now, what I know about the training is if you don't.

Then you're gonna allow something else to train you. If you don't train yourself, something else will. And there's no getting in your bag if you don't put anything in your bag to get when you go in your bag. This framework is something you can use to train yourself with. And this framework is something that you can put in your bag. So when those moments come up for you, you can go back into your bag and you can begin to practice rewiring your brain.

Opening up new pathways, giving yourself new belief systems, developing new behaviors that are congruent, that align, that serve and support the success that you are seeking in your life. You can do this because I've done this. Is it easy? It's easier. It's easier. It makes change possible. This practice makes change possible. And sometimes that's all we need.

Is a fighting chance. Sometimes that's all we need is consciousness, awareness to something that will help us, that will give us a fighting chance. I would never get on here and give you some hundred percent money back guarantee type mess. Different things work for different people. This is what's worked for me. And I believe if the entire system doesn't work for you, there are elements of it.

That are applicable to anybody. So find the value in it. Use the whole thing or just use components of it. However, you need to do it, whatever works for you. But I just wanted to offer that to you today and hope and pray that you find value in it and that you can apply this new practice in your life. All right. Love you guys. Praying for you guys, believing in you guys. This is the I Am the Possible Podcast. Experience experience.

Yes, the place where possibilities become perspective and where your change is possible with this practice. God bless y'all.