How to get kids to respect you as a parent

Are you a parent, struggling to get your child to respect you?

Here’s the truth: respect does not come from your (position) alone. Your child is not just responding to the title you hold as mom or dad. They are watching the (person) you are being.

In this episode, Treveal C.W. Lynch shares why parents must practice being respectable — respect (able) — able to be respected.

This is about self-leadership, integrity, character, communication, and modeling the behavior you want your children to follow. Because children often listen more with their eyes than their ears.

If you want them to mimic it, model it.

Your home is their first church (faith), classroom (education), and community (relationship navigation). So instead of only demanding respect, begin creating a culture where respect is consistently demonstrated.

With 26 years of parenting experience and four (emotionally regulated and economically responsible) adult children, Treveal shares practical wisdom to help parents communicate to their teens with greater clarity, congruency, and confidence.

Your change is possible....with this practice!

To hire Treveal for coaching, workshops, or speaking services, click the link https://bio.site/iamthepossible

#ParentingAdvice #RespectfulParenting #SelfLeadership #LeadershipInTheHome #ParentingTips #FamilyLeadership #iAMthepossible #TrevealLynch

Transcript

Treveal C.W. Lynch (00:00)
Hey, mom and dad, you're having trouble getting your child to respect you. This is what I want you to do. I want you to practice becoming respectable, respect able, able to be respected. And here's how it works. I want you to know that just as it is in, let's say, corporate America, you have leaders and then you have managers. Leaders lead by presence. Managers kind of dictate.

Based upon position. See, anybody can go to college and get a degree and hold a position, but it doesn't make you a leader. Respect comes through leadership. So here's what I want you to do: I want you to practice and work on the person that you're being. See, many times as parents, we're looking at the position. We're trying to parent through the position. I'm the parent, they're the child.

They should respect me. Sounds good. It really does. It's like a perfect path, right? But reality check. It's not how it works. Remember, your child is a person and they're looking at your person. They're looking at the person that you're being. They're not considering the position that you're holding. So let's work more on the person that you're being versus just trying to force them to do something based upon.

Your position. So how does this work? It's called self-leadership. It's focusing more on leading yourself than it is trying to force them to do anything. It's about showing integrity. It's about demonstrating discipline. It's about showing them what it looks like to consciously and to intentionally make a decision that's in your own best interest. Choosing things that are not only good to you, but they're good for you.

Demonstrating the discipline that you desire from them, showing the respect to other people, even to them that you desire for them to show you. It's all about going first. It's all about modeling, being the example. It's all about you demonstrating the things that you want them to do. If you want them to mimic it, model it. It's so much easier.

To see a picture of something, to have a reference for something, than it is to just simply listen to someone tell you to do something. So create a culture in your home. Remember, your home is the first church, first classroom, first community. Take that seriously. Create a culture in your home where respect flows naturally, organically. It's a part of the thread of all of your communication. It's a part.

Of just how things happen in your home. Make it a foundation. Something that not only you demand of your children, but something you demand of yourself. Remember, you're trying to parent from your position, a position that they're not considering. They are considering the person who is mom being, who is dad being. They're looking at the person that you are being consistently.

You may have a good day here or there. You may do something, you know, here or there that that that they can look at and say, ⁓ wow, mom, dad did something awesome. But it's like, where is the awesomeness on a consistent basis? And this is not about going above and beyond every day and doing things that are just out the norm. This is not trying to win their affection. This is about integrity and character. This is about you being this because you're choosing to be this. Now your words.

Carry weight because they're watching you. When they can watch you, your words then carry weight. When they can see you doing it and doing it first and doing it consistently, when they can see you showing up every day, disciplining yourself, communicating with yourself, making decisions, right? Making choices within yourself.

And then you go to discipline them, you go to correct them, you go to communicate with them, you go to connect with them. It becomes so much easier because you're doing the thing. Remember, a picture is worth a thousand words. Your children, as I've always told you, they are listening more with their eyes than they are with their ears. They will do what they see you do.

Faster and more often than what they hear you say. So let's focus on self-leadership. Let's focus on integrity. Let's focus on character. Let's focus on doing the things that you want to see them doing because you're actually doing them, because you actually value doing them. This is called self leadership. This is intrapersonal communication, intrapersonal centering, intrapersonal connection.

Because the more you lead yourself, the easier it will be to lead them. The better you communicate with yourself, the easier it will be to communicate with them. The better you connect with yourself, the easier it will be to connect with them. This is 26 years of parenting talking. This is four adult children who are highly regulated, who are responsible citizens in this world. Not the perfect family, but we're doing pretty good. And many people have told us that we're doing pretty good.

And that's what gives me the confidence. And that's what gives me the courage to begin to communicate these principles more often. I look at my family and I say, I know where we came from and I know where we are. And I just gotta believe that there are some parents out there that would love some of these principles, that would love some of this information, that would honor it, that would then apply it, and they too would be able to see some good results happening in their lives. So

That's what I wanted to share today. I am a certified life coach by profession. I've kind of fine-tuned that to be more of a leadership capacity coach, more specifically, because I see that where people struggle is the capacity as a leader. Everyone's a leader. If you're breathing, you are a leader. You are leading someone. You are further along on the journey than someone else, and someone is watching your example.

Right. That's why I stress modeling so much and demonstrating so much. So I'm more of a leadership capacity coach, leadership in the home, on the job, at church, wherever leadership happens. I'm focused on building your capacity, or rather, helping you to build your capacity as a leader, which means even as a parent, the capacity to lead your children, the capacity to connect with your children, the capacity to communicate effectively.

with your children. I teach this coaching, workshops, talks, lectures, what have you. So I am available. I say all this to say I'm available. Click the link in the description. If you're interested in one-on-one coaching or if you are someone who can bring me in to do a workshop, a talk, you're interested in getting some real life experience and examples flowing and going.

in an environment that is conducive to vulnerability, conducive ⁓ to real life, long-lasting transformation, because I've been in the trenches, I've been there, I've done that, I've got the stories, I've got the scars, I've got the struggles, but I also have the success to help parents go from being stuck and feeling stuck to being successful. All right. So I am available to show up, serve, and support you.

In this particular area, and I would love to do so. That's it. That's my spiel. as they say, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. All right. So I love you guys. I'm praying for you guys. I believe in you guys. ⁓ and please know, man, from the bottom of my heart, your change is possible. All right. Your change is possible with this practice. When you practice, all things become possible.