Broken Relationship? Try These Perspective Shifts

Most relationships break down not because of grand betrayals, but because of simple misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and an overactive ego. 

If you're tired of guessing what someone really meant and ready to stop arguing over misread signals, this episode is your game-changer.

This episode is MUST listen for anyone who’s ever felt misunderstood, hurt, or frustrated by broken dialogue. It’s a call to action — to look within, practice humility, and rewire your inner world for healthier, more loving relationships. 

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Your change is possible... with THIS practice!

Transcript

Treveal C.W. Lynch (00:00)
Welcome, welcome, welcome. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, whenever, wherever you may be tuning in. This is a bonus track, a bonus edition of the I Am the Possible Podcast experience. Yes, this is the place where possibilities become perspective, guys.

Welcome once again into the space and into the place. I is your host, Trevelle C.W. Lynch. Mr. What What? And guys, today we're talking about what breaks relationships and what fixes relationships. Today, in this bonus track, I want to give you a few things to think about. Three things to consider when desiring to reconcile a broken relationship.

a strained relationship, or even if you just sense that the relationship is headed in the wrong direction, just kind of how to get out in front of it before it even completely tanks. Okay. And as always, I like to work from the inside out. So I want to just share with you three internal workings, three internal perspectives, practices that I think we all need to be aware of when it comes to relationships.

You know, we we today we live in a world, man, where the the speed of information is just amazing. On one end, it's super positive because you can get information as soon as you want it. But on the other side, because we're so inundated with information, we don't often take enough time, and you may be guilty of this.

To really receive what someone is saying or attempting to communicate because we're so busy, we're so inundated with other information, we're so inundated with so many things that we have to do for the day, for the week, the month, the year. We're always forecasting in the future, we're always looking ahead, we're never really present, we're always ⁓ thinking about something.

Right. In the East, they call it the monkey mind. We're never settled or still. We're always moving, even if we're not moving physically, we're moving in here. And I I share that just to kind of set up what I want to share because when you have this issue with your attention, it's so easy to read something or read into something and never consider the three things that I'm going to share with you today.

So I want to put this in a context of my pet peeve. I don't know if you guys know this or not, but I've got like a real issue with text messaging, man. I have a love hate relationship with text messaging. Of course, I use text messages. Of course, I send them. Of course I receive them. But I have this ongoing love affair and hate affair with text messages. And here's the reason why someone can text you something.

Just like that. And when you receive it, it's completely random. You could be in a good mood. You could be in a bad mood. You could be busy. You could be settled and still. You like it's endless in terms of when you receive it and how you receive it. Now, stick with me. I'm talking about relationships in general, but I'm using my own personal story about.

my relationship with text messaging because text messages or sending messages, receiving messages, or even emails, but this receiving information from someone else that you're in a relationship with. It may be your spouse, your significant other, it may not be, it may be your child, it may be a coworker, a friend, someone at church, it may be anyone, right? But the context is you're receiving information because relationship is built on what? Communication. All right. Our ability

Our ability to get out information and get through to the other person with that information. Everything is built on communication, right? No communication, no relationship. All right. So as a foundation, I'm using text text messaging because it's a form of communication. It's a way to share your information, to share what you want to say, to share your ideas or whatever else that you want to share with the with the other person.

And so the reason I don't love text messaging all the time is because I could receive someone's text message and I know that I can send someone a text message and I don't know the condition in which they're receiving it. I don't, they don't know the condition in which I'm receiving it. And because we're so inundated with information, because we have so many people texting us, we're getting so many emails, we're reading so many different things, we're on social media, our mind is going a million miles an hour, and we're trying to

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Can either fail to respond in a time frame that they feel is adequate, or vice versa, they could take a long time to respond to something that we're sending. Stick with me, stick with me. This is all gonna make sense in a moment. Or they could respond very quickly with just a few words, and vice versa. You could respond very quickly with just a few words, and you could respond with a whole book.

A whole laid out, you know, explanation of something, great details, taking great care in the way that you try to communicate it. And it could be overkill for the other person because the other person just ain't got time in their minds to be reading all of that information. Where am I going with this?

Point number one, the thing that I want you to be really aware of when it comes to relationship in and of itself is that we have something called an interpretation. I know. I know. You ain't never heard that, right? I know, I get it. What I tend to find is that it is these simple things. You know, common things are not so common. Simple things are not so simple, right? The things that we take for granted just.

Sometimes they're the most profound things when you really step back and you really start to analyze it. We have this thing called interpretation. And many times, with my example of text messaging, if I text you something, depending on how you feel, where you are, the time you have to truly digest what I'm saying, and the word use that I use, you.

Will unknowingly, unless you are hyper aware of this, you will simply interpret what I said based upon who you're being. You know how they say we don't see things as they are, we see things as we are. The same is true when it comes to communication. We don't read things as they are, we read things as we are. We don't read emails.

As they are, we read them as we are. We don't read text messages as they are, we read them as we are. We don't read even in person when someone's saying something to us yesterday. My wife and I, ⁓ we were out and about yesterday, ⁓ and we were having some great conversations with some folks, and it was about three or four different conversations within a short period of time. You're reading body language, word use.

Facial interpret ⁓ facial expressions, your mind is going a million miles an hour because you're trying to process, you're trying to interpret. Is this person genuine? Are they real? Are they fake? Are they phony? Do they have an agenda? Can I trust them? Can I not trust them? All of these different things are happening. You're living through a filtered interpretation, not truth. Why is this so important? And why is this principle number one?

Because the other person could have an intention, but you're reading interpretation. All right? They could have an intention.

Of just simply saying, hey man, I need X, Y, and Z from you. Right? I I need X, Y, and Z from you. But when you receive it, whether it's a text message, an email, or an in-person conversation, when you receive the information, you're interpreting that based upon who you are, who you're being, all of your insecurities, all of your past experiences, ⁓ what mood you're in. And if you're not aware of this, you could take something someone said.

And twist it all up, make it something completely different than what it actually is. This leads to so many broken relationships. Do you know how many times people get into arguments because they interpret something incorrectly? And they don't do what I'm about to share with you. They don't do these things. They just say, you know what? That's what it is. you feel that way. you're gonna say that to me. that's how it is. You ain't even stopped to really be aware of the fact that you're interpreting something.

That's not truth. That's your interpretation. So if you want to fix a broken relationship, you got into an argument. There was some some trust broken. There was some there was a misunderstanding. Be humble enough to acknowledge that you have an interpretation. We all do. We're all in the same boat. We have these things called interpretations. They're not truth. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to understand that that's your interpretation. That's not their intention necessarily.

I'm gonna give you some practices to to follow this up with. But understanding the first principle, you have interpretation and you have intention. What a person intends through their communication may not be what you interpret.

What someone intends to communicate may not be what you interpret. And I want you to be aware of this. Number two, this is all setting you up for the practice. Number two, the second awareness. You are a meaning maker. All right. If you didn't know that, we are meaning makers in this world. What I mean by that is that we assign meanings to everything unknowingly.

You know, a quick story. ⁓ I've been watching the the NBA finals, right? The NBA finals have they've just been amazing. And you look at some of the reactions of these New York fans, right? I became a bandwagon fan this year. I'm gonna just be honest with you, right? I like I like Carl Anthony Towns and just to see him win, it was it was it was it was pretty dope. ⁓ however, watching the the New York fans' reactions.

Some of these folks literally in tears. Spike Lee and and and Ben Stiller and you know Fat Joe and you know Stephen A. Smith, all all of these Hollywood, you know, folks and you know, you know, A-list actors and whatnot, they're all, you know, courtside every game and just, you know, they're balling in tears and they're taking pictures with the trophy and they're just falling out on the floor, all of this emotional outpour. Why do I share that? You do realize that basketball.

Essentially is taking a inflated piece of plastic or leather, whatever that ball is made out of, and throwing it into a rim, a basket. You're taking a inflated piece of material, and you're putting it into.

A cylinder. Now, I know there's more skill to that. I know there's more skill to that, right? More ⁓ well, let's just stick with skill because I'll be all day trying to think of other words. I know that there's other skills to that, right? The footwork, the shot selection, ⁓ all of the different stuff that goes into basketball. I don't want to spend time trying to think of all of it, you know, everything that kind of goes into it, but you get my point. I know that it takes a ⁓

A high IQ to be able to do that consistently, right? I get that part. What I'm saying is let's boil it down to what it really is. No matter how spectacular it is, Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Kobe Bryant, my favorite. Doesn't matter who it is or how they do it, at the end of the day, at the end of the day, all they're doing is putting a basketball into a rim, a hoop, a basket.

They're not saving the world. They're not, no, they're playing a sport that they love and they're enjoying it. Here's what makes the difference the meanings that each of these people are attaching to it. That's why they could sell tickets at $6,000 a pop for the finals. Tickets were $6,000. Yeah.

$6,000. Why? You can charge that. Why? Because they understood the meaning that you are attaching to this game. I'm preaching now. Meaning makes the difference. You're a meaning maker. And you may not be aware of that, but that's why you're willing to pay $6,000 or $50,000 to be courtside. It's not because they're doing anything spectral.

It's not because they're doing anything that's saving the planet or saving humanity or solving some of the greatest and most impactful issues our society is facing right now. No, man, they're putting an inflated piece of leather into a cylinder. But they can charge thousands of dollars, put thousands of people in debt, have thousands of people standing outside.

In the cold at night, cheering, losing their minds, losing their brains, ⁓ in tears, hugging each other and just falling out and just losing all composure. Why? Because of meaning. We attach meanings to everything. I use that just to say that when you're in a relationship, you are unknowingly attaching all kinds of meanings to everything, including what someone communicates to you.

It's not what they necessarily meant, but it's the meaning that you've attached to the communication. It's what's getting you in your mood. It's what's causing the conflict. It's what's causing the issue. It's what's causing the separation. It's the meaning that you are attaching to it. And this is all leading up to something that I'm going to have you to practice. It's just the meaning that you're giving it. It's not that it.

It's truly any of those things. You're just making it up until you do what I'm gonna share with you in just a moment. Number three, I want you to be aware of something else that you and I do. You and I. This ain't just you. This is me. I'm I'm talking to me right now. We tend to assume that we are correct.

You ever notice that? Someone text messages you something, you read it, you just go off. They email you something. Somebody says something to you in your face. man, who you talking to? Man, you don't even, man, you don't, right? You actually think you're right.

You do. You think you're right. We assume we're right. We actually think we're right. We don't even take a break. We don't even take a breath. As soon as we make the meaning, attach it, boom. We are correct. We are judge, jury, and executioner. Instantly. It happens so fast. This brain of ours is so dynamic. I could do a whole year worth of podcasting just on the power of this little sucker right here.

This brain of ours. Rapid fire. Rapid fire. Because it's pulling from, remember earlier, we're not looking at life. We're not doing life. We're not interpreting life based upon how it is. It's being determined, filtered by, and determined by and filtered by. I'm just repeating myself, based upon who who we are. Right? So a lot of that interpretation is just us. A lot of those meanings is just us and the audacity to believe that we're right.

That's just us. We lack awareness. We lack self awareness. We lack we lack the fact that we're doing these things. We're not aware that we're doing these things. They're on autopilot. And the the pattern, the cycle, it's never been interrupted. I'm here to interrupt the pattern. I'm here to point this out. I'm here to bring some awareness to the things that are happening on the inside. Remember, I like to work from the inside out. These things are happening on the inside. The relationship, the broken relationship.

The strained relationship, the misunderstanding, the conflict that you're having right now, the external, that's a reflection of the internal. Because you you you you are not you're not aware. You're not pausing to be aware that that hey, I'm interpreting. And my interpretation may not be their intention. Hey, I'm I'm a meaning maker. I make up meanings. So I gotta, hey, I gotta I gotta know what

I think this means may not be what they meant. And then number three, I'm autopilot correct. I I just believe that I'm right. And maybe, maybe you're not. So here's the action plan. Something called a clarifying question. I want you to assume, I want you to assume that you don't have enough information.

The minute someone offends you, the minute someone pisses you off, the minute someone tells you something that you don't like, assume that you don't have enough information. That gives you a pause, a break, a woo-sah moment, right? Remember Martin, woosa. Woo-sa. Sometimes all we need is a woo-sah moment. You just need a break to get off that train, because it's moving 100 miles an hour called the brain, the mind.

Is calculating 100 miles an hour and you just going. Assume that you don't have enough information. And then I want you to backtrack all three of these things. The the first one is remind yourself that I have an interpretation and they have a intention. Simply remind yourself of that. That's giving you more time to process. That's giving you more time to pause. Secondly, I want you to remember that you are a meaning maker.

Acknowledging, you know what, this is what I think this means, but it may not be what they meant. Right? Number three, I want you to instead of assuming that you're right, get this. Assume you're wrong. Assume you're wrong. Assume you don't have enough information. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You don't have to react to something so fast. You don't have to even respond to something immediately.

Give yourself out of respect to you, out of respect to them, out of respect to God and this thing called life that is dependent and built upon communication, which leads to relationship, which leads to the success of anything and everything. With respect to that, give yourself time. You don't have to fly off the handle. You don't have to react. You don't have to get a leg up. You don't have to get a word in edgewise, like.

You know, you don't you don't have to. This is not a competition. You don't have to prove them wrong. You don't have to put them in their place. You know who who are you to do that? Who am I to do that? For what? How is that working for us? Where has that gotten us? Right? I'm speaking out of out of out of experience. I've been on this planet, this earth thing for a little while. For a little while.

And I've had some relationships, and I've I've had some of these moments and I've worked through them. And these are some of the things that I've pulled from them to then pass on to you. So I want you to assume that you're wrong. Go into it humbly, like I gotta be wrong. Cause the way I feel, the way I'm interpreting this, the the meaning that I'm trying to assign this.

And the audacity that that I'm trying to exercise in this moment, I've gotta be wrong. Let me get it let me give this person a chance. And here's how you give them a chance. All right, you ready? It's called a clarifying question. It's simply you going back to that person and saying, Hey, you know what?

I just want to clarify something. When you said this, what did you mean? What what what was what was your intention? What what is it that you're trying to communicate to me? What is it, what what's your deepest desire? What is it that that that you really want me to know or to do or to believe or to think? What is it that we're that we're doing here? With love, with grace, not with an edge, not all pissed off.

Hopefully by you by you doing those other three considerations based upon the new awareness that you have, you've been able to bring it down from a ten to about a two. And you're you're now able to say, Hey, you know what? We're all human. We're all in in this thing together. And ⁓ maybe I'm wrong about this. Can I can I ask you a clarifying question? What is it that you meant by that? What did you mean by that? I'm just trying to get a

Clearer understanding, a clearer picture. I'm trying to really comprehend what you're saying. I don't want to just read into it. I don't want to just assume this is what you meant. Say these things to that person. Help them understand that you're exercising empathetic empathetic listening, empathy. You don't just listen in person. Someone could text you, email you, send you a voice message. You're still practicing empathetic listening if you're just listening to what they say. All listening isn't audible.

You could be reading something and listening to the words that they're saying. So you're still practicing empathy. Let them know that. Let them know that you're trying. Right? Again, is this bulletproof? 100%. Is this going to always work? I'm not saying that because sometimes you're dealing with somebody who just ain't right. And their intention is to hurt you. And their intention is to break your heart. And their intention is to betray you. And their intention is to get at you.

If that's the case, then you handle that accordingly. Once you get the clarity, then you can remove yourself from that relationship. You can, you can back off. You can say, you know what, this is unhealthy for me, unhealthy for you. Let's take a break or let's go ahead and end this. Like, like do whatever you need to do once you have the clarity. What I'm trying to get at is you don't just autopilot, respond. It's worth clarifying. It's worth you getting the clarity for, right?

If it was worth getting into the relationship with that person, then it's alert, then it's worth getting the clarity that you need to either continue the relationship or to go ahead and cut it short. But that's how you fix relationships. That's how you reconcile. 99.9% of relationships end because of something someone has said. You know, some end because of something someone's done, and that's for a different show, a different topic, a different time.

can't solve all the world's problems in one podcast, especially a bonus track like this. But I thought this was a really great start. I think most people are not aware of these things. They're not practicing these things. ⁓ and again everything comes down to communication. Cause even if someone does something to you that's crazy, that's still communicating something to you. Right. And even when they did it, maybe their intention wasn't to hurt you or harm you. So maybe they did it. And let me just say this whether it's verbal or physical,

Borrowing some of the most heinous things like domestic violence, physical abuse. I'm not saying that, right? That that that needs to be treated as such, right? That's a 9-1-1. That's a get out of there, right? That's a level 10 emergency. That's not that's not good. That's not healthy. But I'm talking about these conflicts where someone said something, email something, text message something, verbally said something, and y'all just you're just at odds with somebody because

Of something someone has said or offended you, or you you think they say, or you think that's what they meant. 99% of relationships end like that because we're not communicating with each other. We don't take the time to consider these things. We just fly off the handle. We just react. We just knee-jerk respond without considering those things. I'm I'm an interpreter, I'm a meaning maker, and I'm full of audacity. I'm full of thinking that I'm right.

Right. I just got this ego. I just think I'm right. And if you could just take time to consider those three things and then practice asking a clarifying question, what did you really mean by that? How would you have me to interpret this? What meaning would you have me to assign this? What do you want me to take away from what you said? Right? Well w what's the heart of the matter? By just doing that, it's gonna open up a door for so much healing, for so much reconciling.

For so much conversation, for so much clarity. And then you guys can move on from there. All right. Just wanted to share that with you guys, man. ⁓ that was really it. ⁓ I'm going to shut it down. as always, there's a link in the description. Hit me up. Let me know. ⁓ if you have any more questions about this topic, drop me that anonymous question. I would love to follow up with another bonus track to answer that question so that not only you can benefit.

But everyone else can benefit. If you're in the market for a coach, life coach, someone to help you to deal with some of these inner, inner workings, inner conflicts to begin to help you to work from the inside out, then that is what I do. Click that link below. Let's get on a call. See if we're a good fit for one-on-one ⁓ life coaching. I would love to be able to show up for you in that space and in that place, serve and support your success in that way.

if you are a event planner, someone who is watching and you're in charge of putting on events or you're someone in charge of bringing ⁓ a speaker in for some sort of training or facilitating or panel work, I would love to be able to connect with you if you're interested in my services in terms of relationships or conflict resolution or communication. I would love to show up and serve.

And support the success of you and your staff as well. Again, click that link. Everything is in that one link, one space, one place to find your boy to come out and show up for you, man. All right. ⁓ as always, man, share this out. As always, let someone know this information is available. ⁓ I would just love, man, to be able to reach anyone that needs this information. And sometimes it's not my direct reach, sometimes it's you sharing it.

To someone you know and love that might be in need of this information. So do me that favor. All right. Until next time, I love you guys, praying for you guys, believing in you guys. And please remember: your change is possible with this practice. God bless.