You're Not Stuck. You're Just Talking Yourself Out of It!

You’re not stuck because of what others do or say. 

You’re stuck because of the conversation you keep having with yourself.

In this episode I share how and why capable, hardworking people keep talking themselves out of the life God has already made possible.

What we say has profound influence over what we see show up in our lives, but what most are not aware of, is what controls what we say, in the first place!

In this episode, I break it all down so it makes sense and you have a actual blueprint for breaking out of the cycle of stuck-ness.

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What's one thing you've been talking yourself OUT of?

Transcript

Treveal C.W. Lynch (00:00)
Welcome, welcome, welcome. Once again, this is the place, this is the space. You know what it is, you know where you are. Yes, yes, yes. This is the I am the possible podcast experience. Yes, this is the place, baby, where possibilities become.

Perspective. Guys, I'm so excited. Welcome into the space, into the place. Once again, before I jump off on anything, I just want to say, listen, I want to even take my glasses off. I want to pause for the cause. I ain't done this in a while, but I want to thank you. I want to thank you for showing up. I want to thank you for tuning in, for listening, for watching. I want to appreciate you because you're the reason I do what I do. You are the cause. So I want to pause.

For the cause that is you, you're the reason I show up. You are so brilliant, so full of possibilities. You are so gifted, so talented, so amazing, so awesome. There is so much potential, so much growth potential. And if I can play any role, any part in helping you.

To unlock that potential, to grow, to develop, to mature in any way I can. It's my pleasure, it's my passion, and I'm excited about sharing with you anything that is going to be of value to you to help you move forward in your life and in the area of leadership. So, guys, today we are talking about.

The conversation. The conversation going on within us. The most important conversation that we're going to have today. It is the most important conversation that you have every day. Because so many of us believe that life is being determined. Our conditions in life are being determined by external factors. So and so did this. So I'm like this.

So and so said this, so I'm like this. This happened, so I'm like this. That happened, so I'm like this. If they would have never done this, if they would have never done that, if they would have never said this, if they would have never said that, if that wouldn't have gone that way.

We think our lives, our conditions, our circumstances, we actually believe that we are where we are because of something someone else has done. Now, with all due respect, there are conditions, there are things that are a part of our lives that are there because of something someone else did or said. Absolutely. We influence, we impact one another.

But the context that I'm talking about today is your best life, the best internal life, and the best external life, holistically. What I'm what am I trying to say? What I'm trying to say is your level of happiness, joy, peace, your level of progress, your level of living and life and leadership, and the legacy that you're going to leave, all of that comes down to what's happening within you.

People can only do so much. They can only influence so much. But then at the end of the day, it's not what they do or say, it's how we respond. It's not what happens, but it's how we respond. And so many of us are making excuses within ourselves. Where, as the title goes for today, we are talking ourselves out of a great life. God has made a great life possible.

But we're talking ourselves out of it. We're talking ourselves out of the life, the potential, the possibilities that God has made possible. And how do we do this? Let me use an example. Has anyone ever offered you something? They proposed something. They invited you to something. Or you saw something. You

Witnessed something or acknowledged something that was considered an opportunity. And you could have gone for it, you could have attended, you could have tried, you could have accepted it. Whatever it is, as I like to say, you name it, you frame it, you put it into your context. But there was something that was presented, an opportunity, a chance. There was a door that was open for you. There was something.

That you could have taken hold of or participated in or shown up for. And you didn't. You didn't do it. You didn't go. You didn't accept it. You didn't say yes to it. Somehow, some way. Maybe it was on your job, a promotion that you shrunk back from. Maybe it was at your church, a new role in ministry that you passed on. Maybe it was a relationship.

Someone showed a little affection and you backed off. Whatever it is, and you know what it is for you, because it's already starting to tap you on the shoulder as I'm as I'm saying this. Whatever that thing is for you, you said no. And maybe you didn't verbally say no, but you said no within yourself. You talked yourself out of that opportunity, and you didn't know where that opportunity was gonna go.

You thought you did. You projected as we do, right? We're not living life as it is. We're living life as we project it, right? So you didn't really know how things were gonna pan out. You didn't know how the dominoes were gonna fall. You projected based upon what we're gonna talk about today. You thought you knew and you said no. You shrunk back, you backed off, you closed the door yourself. It could have led to your breakthrough, it could have led to

you leveling up. It could have led to some new relationships. It could have led to so many different things, but you'll never know because you said no. You talked yourself out of it. So today's episode, experience, is all about talking yourself out of a great life. Because at the end of the day, it is the internal dialogue, the self talk, that is dominating and controlling your life.

What you are saying to yourself is determining what you are letting in or pushing away. At the end of the day, now I know that rhymes, right? But at the end of the day, what you say is a red light, a green light, and yeah, sometimes a yellow light. If we use the traffic traffic light analogy, you can either just say no to something, you can say yes to something, or you can like

Slow the process down a little bit. you you'll say, you know, let me wait, let me think about, let me consider it. You get what I'm saying. You get the point, but it's your self-talk. And many of us have not mastered the internal dialogue. We've not mastered that inner conversation. And here is why. And this is what I want to share with you today. This is how I wanna empower you. This is how I wanna equip you.

Where do you think that conversation is coming from? How do you think that conversation is being framed? Where do you think the approach to that conversation starts?

It starts with the concept that you have of yourself.

A little bit about my signature framework. Concept, conversation, capacity, change, or continuation. That's a snippet of my overall signature framework. This is how it works. The concept. What I see in myself determines the conversation. What I say to myself.

Which determines the capacity, what I sustain for myself, which determines whether you change or whether you continue. It means change, you succeed, you have progress, you move forward, you tap into your possibilities, or you continue with the old self, the old ways, the old patterns, the old cycles.

The old stuck in the mud, the old way of living, the old way of life, the old way of leadership. That's the bottom line, as my man Steve Austin, right, Stone Cold used to say, and that's the bottom line. That's the bottom line, man. You're talking yourself in or you're talking yourself out based upon what you see in yourself, your concept. So today I want to equip you, man. Let me take this analogy. I wear glasses and I've taken my glasses off for a reason.

Right now I'm not wearing my glasses. There are some buttons that are on my screen. Lord, please don't help me push But I don't see very well on this computer or my or or or on my phone without my glasses. Okay?

When I put my glasses on, I can see very well.

What are they called? Lenses, right? This is a lens. This lens improves my ability to see. If I put these lenses on, now I can see very well. But if I cover the lens up, I can't see anything. Your lens, the lens through which you see life is determined by your concept. And if your concept

Is distorted, then your conversation is going to be distorted, and your con and your and your and your capacity is going to be limited. Let's let's stick with the L's. A limited concept is a limited conversation, is a limited capacity, is a limited ability to affect change, and actually makes it more likely for you to continue staying stuck. I hope and pray.

That makes sense because that's all this really boils down to. The lens in which you are looking at life, the lens through which you look at life is determined by the concept that you have of yourself. Now, one of the things that I teach are the four words that completely change your life, because these are the four words that will completely change your concept.

I am a. The fourth word, whatever you fill in that blank with, that becomes the frame through which you look or the lens through which you see life. I am a, and whatever you fill in the blank with. Those four words are the foundation of your life. What you believe you are determines what you believe you are able to do.

are able to have, are able to receive, are able to give. It determines the in flow and the outflow of your life.

What you are to you makes all the difference. So let's take this back a bit. Let's say we're dealing with a poor self-concept. Concept is made up over years based upon experiences that we've had, the meanings that we've attached to those experiences and the people involved. Those meanings then, without being addressed and exposed.

And dealt with, then they become what I call conclusions. Those conclusions are what you conclude about yourself. Those conclusions begin to then over time, because it's not just one of them, there's many conclusions, because there's many meanings, because there's many events that you experience.

Those begin to shape your values, your beliefs, your personality. It begins to build a concept, the idea, the image, even how you imagine yourself, what you believe is possible for you. I'm an introvert, I'm an extrovert. I'm good at this, I'm not so good at that. All of that inner working comes out of this.

And now you have this thing called a concept. Just like a concept car, right? When the motor vehicle company is is gonna create a new car, the first thing they do is they create a concept, a prototype. They draw it up, a blueprint. They can see it. This is the design. And based upon that blueprint, they construct everything else. Well, for you and I, the self-concept is the blueprint.

And we construct everything else from that. So we construct our conversation. That's why it's so important. We're constructing our conversation based upon the blueprint. So if the blueprint is ⁓ damaged, if the blueprint has lines missing, if the blueprint is distorted, if the blueprint is all crumbled up, if the blueprint has markings all over it.

You get where I'm going? The blueprint isn't clear. What you think about yourself isn't clear. The concept isn't clear. You have a distorted concept. But the concept is controlling the conversation. That's controlling your capacity to create either change or stay where you are, to continue as you are. That's why it's so vital that you understand and that you become aware of the concept that you're working with. Because you actually can change, you can actually change the concept.

You created the concept in the beginning, you can create it again. That's the good news. So you got this blueprint that you're not going to construct the conversation based upon. And when you construct that conversation, now you have that inner dialogue. yeah, I know that looks good. That that opportunity. Yeah, I I could go for it, but you know, I'm I'm I'm not really that guy. I'm I'm I'm I'm not really strong in that area.

You feel me? You feeling me? you know, maybe that's for somebody else. ⁓ you know, I I'm I'm I'm I'm gonna get around to it, but not this year, because this year I kind of want to do something else, you know. I kinda wanna wanna do something else, but I'll get to it next year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next year will be better. Next year will be better. Next month will be better.

No man. Quit punishing yourself. Quit punishing yourself. Dare you not, and and I don't I don't even know if that's the way the the the right way to say it, but dare you not watch this episode, be tapping in and tuned in to this concept, to this, to this, to this, you know, information and and and and and and learning about your concept. Dare you not hear this episode and then choose to still

Play like you ain't got no control over that conversation. Because that conversation is being birthed out of the concept, which is something that you created. It was created at a time when you didn't understand that you were creating it. Most of it was in our childhood, didn't have the cognitive capacity, didn't have the skill sets. We weren't mature enough to understand what was happening.

So we made up a meaning that was probably distorted and limited. And then we made these conclusions. We concluded some things about ourselves that were a little distorted and incomplete because we didn't have enough years of experience. We didn't have enough life experience. We weren't old enough to really process it. And so it got us where we where we are. That's fine. That's cool. But the good news is.

If you can construct it based on bad, limited, poor information, my God, you can reconstruct it. The process is revisit, redefine. I'm giving you my whole framework right now, by the way, in little bits and pieces, right?

This is it, man. This is the magic. Revisit, redefine the concept. But the way you think about yourself is controlling this conversation. If you don't walk away with anything else, understand that your concept is something that you created and you can recreate, which means that you can then recreate the conversations that you're having with yourself, which then can lead to a recreation or an elevation or an expansion, my favorite word. Expansion.

Of your capacity, that internal fortitude, that internal strength, that internal power, you feel me? That internal wisdom, that internal discernment, that internal navigation, that internal ⁓ management to take on the new things that you desire in life, that that change. All right. So, how do we do this?

I'm gonna give you two right now. Bonus. Check it, check it out, check it, check it out. Check it, check it out, check it out. You didn't know your boy was an MC back in the day. I I I was, I was an MC back in the day. ⁓ but here it is, man. I'm gonna give you some right off the what they say, hot off the presses. You ain't gotta even think about this. I'm gonna, I'm gonna feed you some concepts. Like, you ain't even gotta come up with them. I'm gonna give them to you right now.

This is where we want to start. Now, if you want to take this further, then that's when you hire me as a coach. You you want to take this further, then that's when you download my free masterclass that's on IamThePossible.com. If you want to take this further, if you're an event planner or someone ⁓ clergy, you want to bring me in to speak, you want to bring me in to train your, your, your, your, staff, your leaders.

We can take this further. We can break this further down. We can we can get into the weeds of it. We can do this thing. But if you just want something to just kick you off, get the wheels turning, something to think about, Number one, I am a remember, whatever you put that line

I am a whatever you put in that blank, that's your concept. Or at least that's the beginning of it, right? Number one, I am a contribution.

You're contribution. That one you can take to the bank. Now, what's powerful about being a contribution is that contributions have value. Many of you are dealing with a sense of unworthiness. That's why you talk yourself out of the great life that God's made possible. Because you have a sense of unworthiness. You don't think you're worthy.

You've bought into this concept called imposter syndrome. It's not even a thing. We just made it up. And people are claiming it. It's crazy. But you don't think that you are worthy of the good life, of the good things, because of the things that I talked about earlier. You've had those experiences, you've assigned a meaning to them. You concluded something about yourself based on that. And now you're living out of that lens. But

The good thing about being a contribution is that it carries value inherently. If you're contributing to something, it means that you're bettering something, you're improving something, you're adding to the whole. Something was missing. You're the missing piece to the puzzle, so to speak. Now, let me prove it to you. Because now sometimes we need some proof. You're a contribution because

Think about this. We all came from a mother through a womb. Where were you before you came through your mother? You were in your mother. What happened the minute your mother and father, if you were blessed to have both parents in your life, what was the first thing that happened as soon as they knew that you were even conceived? You were a little speck on the ultrasound screen.

What happened? They began planning for you. We're gonna have a baby. We gotta get new jobs, move to a bigger house. ⁓ we gotta start saving, we gotta start planning for a baby shower, XYZ. My point is this because you can take that list and just expand it as far as you want to go. But here's my point from the moment you were conceived, ⁓ my god, you've been contributing.

When mom and dad started making plans for you, you were contributing to the economy. Baby bed. Someone makes a baby bed. Someone sells a baby bed. They bought the baby bed. That was a contribution to the overall economy. I got examples for days. Think about that. Baby bottles, formula, clothes, shoes, doctor's appointments.

You were contributing before you even knew what contribution was. You were contributing before you knew you was. You were also contributing to their emotional state. Some mamas and daddies were happy. Woo-hoo, we're gonna have a baby. Some mamas and daddies, unfortunately, they were terrified.

But you were already contributing to their emotional state. You were already influencing their emotional state. Loved ones, relatives, friends, family members, the dominoes, man. The moment you were conceived, the dominoes began to fall. You changed mom's body. Her belly got bigger. Hormones changed. ⁓ eating patterns changed. You get where I'm going? So I share that just to share.

This is a no-brainer. You are a contribution. Now, what you do is you take it further and you begin to say, in what other areas of life have I always contributed, and how am I contributing today? That is an instant boost in your self-concept. I am a contribution. And I like to say this when I coach, you are a contribution to the betterment of society. Claim that.

I am a contribution to the betterment of society. That's dope. Can you imagine what you say to yourself when you wake up every morning and you say, I am a contribution to the betterment of society? Woo! When you start having them internal dialogues, internal conversations, that self-talk start coming up on you. Okay, if I'm a contribution to the betterment of society, then what am I gonna do today to make life better?

For somebody else. my God. Now we're on purpose. Now we're on vision. Now we're on doing something at a greater level that's causing you to elevate, to expand yourself. You get where I'm going. I'm so excited. I'm about to jump through screen. Are you feeling me? Are you feeling me?

Let me give you two more. I am an idea. Actually, I'm gonna stop with this one, but break this down in two different ways. I am an idea. Why are you an idea? From a faith community, folks. We believe that there is a creator. And we believe that that creator created us. Well, another way of looking at that, another lens through which you can look at.

The fact that God created you is that I am an idea because anything that is created had to start in the mind of his creator. And what is in the mind of creators? Ideas. Bing! Light bulb. Like your boy Gruel ⁓ on ⁓ and I forgot the doggone name of the of the movie, right?

But yeah, man, ⁓ what's it called? Despicable me. That's what it was. D Despicable me. Gruel, right? Homeboy, light bulb. You're a light bulb, man. Maybe not in the mind of Gruul, but you get my point. You're a light bulb, dude. Ma'am.

You are a brilliant idea. You're a brilliant idea. Catch that concept. my God. I'm an idea. Here's why. Because you began in the mind of your creator and you manifested the invisible, came the visible. You started as a concept in your creator's mind. He thought about you, imagined you, envisioned you, and now you are.

And what does any idea represent? Two things. Solution to a problem. Answer to a question. That's what you is. You is an idea. Therefore, you is a solution to a problem. An answer to a question. my God. If you woke up every morning, come on now. If you woke up every morning, let me make sure I ain't screaming through this doggone thing. If you woke up every morning, yeah, I'm loud.

If you woke up every morning and you said to yourself, I am an idea. I am a solution to a problem, an answer to a question.

How do you think your conversations are gonna begin to change?

Here are some excuse me, here are some ideas that came up for me when I think about idea.

It means that I'm wanted. Because if I think about it and you become the light bulb, it means that I'm wanted. I'm needed. I'm necessary. Heck, I'm vital. I'm important. I'm not a mistake. I'm not here by chance. my God.

That's an upgrade. That's an instant upgrade in your concept. Now you take that new concept and you parlay that sucker over into your new conversation. Cause now you're working with something. When the troubles of life, the issues of life, the compli the complexities of life, whatever you're focusing on, whatever you're working through, whatever, whatever it is.

You're now taking a new concept. I'm a contribution. I'm an idea. I'm a solution to a problem. I'm an answer to a question. This is what I am. This becomes the new framework in which you're now looking at life, the new lens through which you look at life. So now you're not just a man or a woman. You're not just a boy or a girl. You're not just whatever old dry, boring convers ⁓ concept you had before, or the worse ones.

I'm a failure. I'm a nobody. I'm not important. Who am I? I'm just waiting to die. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're starting to train a new concept. So now you're starting to train a new conversation. ⁓ okay. I am worthy of good things. ⁓ I am worthy. I ⁓ that that that thing is possible for me. I I do give myself permission to move forward. I do give myself permission.

Permission to enjoy life, to enjoy myself, to enjoy this thing, to enjoy my spouse, my children. ⁓ I I can elevate on my job and I won't break and it won't overwhelm me. Because I now know the formula to forward progress. The formula. You're now aware that the concept, the poor concept, is just a reflection of.

Of the conclusions that you made about yourself based upon the meanings that you assigned yourself in life, based upon the experiences that you had at a stage and age in life when you could not make that decision responsibly. You were not responsible at seven years old, eight years old, nine years old, ten years old, when that person said that to you, when they did that to you, when you witnessed that thing. You were not responsible.

You were not response able, able to respond in a proper way. So give yourself grace. Give yourself grace. Remind yourself I concluded something about myself at a time in my life when I was not prepared to make that kind of decision. And I acknowledge that I did, and I acknowledge that I am where I am because of it, but I also acknowledge that I have control, autonomy, agency.

Over going back, revisiting, redefining, creating a new concept so that I can have a new conversation with myself that produces a new level of capacity for myself that then allows me to experience the change that I desire. Boom. That's that's it. That's money right there. That's gold. Take it to the bank.

That's what I wanted to share. Stop talking yourself out of a great life because you don't have to. You don't have to keep talking yourself out of a great life. You don't, you don't have to keep doing that. You don't have to keep punishing yourself. Change is possible, like I like to say. Change is possible with this practice. It's a practice, it's a daily practice. And the more you practice what happens with anything else, you get better at it. So start today. Start today. Let's start getting better today.

There is no tomorrow. You don't have a tomorrow. Even the Bible tells us. Don't be counting them days. You don't know that you got tomorrow. You don't know that. Stop acting like that. Stop acting like you got tomorrow. I don't know if I got tomorrow. This might be my last podcast. It might be. So I gotta give you my my best because this might be my last. Of course I don't want it to be my last. Of course I want to live as long as I can live. Of course I want to do this forever. Of course. But let's take a reality check.

We don't know. We do not know. You ain't got tomorrow. In the famous words of Rocky or ⁓ Apollo Creed, there is no tomorrow. There is no tomorrow. It's kind of funny, but it's real talk. There is no tomorrow. Stop putting off your best life for tomorrow. No, no, no, no, no, no. Not when it's possible right now. Not when the best life is possible today.

Stop punishing yourself that way. Stop doing that to you. Stop doing that to you. And stop making it about others. Stop making it about others. They have limited access. They have limited influence. You are ultimately the deciding factor. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. Not them. You are. Take back your autonomy. Take back your agency. Take back your governance.

Not above God, but in alignment with the dominion God has given you over yourself. You are the domain. Just like WWW, I am the possible, that's a domain. You are a domain. So begin to rule yourself, govern yourself, lead yourself, change yourself with the grace and the wisdom and the mercy.

And the talents and the gifts that God has equipped you with. And a part of it is the concept that you are able to construct of yourself, which then gives you access to a new kind of conversation that you're going to have with yourself. And then all bets are off at that point. All things become possible at that point. All right?

Last thing I'll say to my Christians, to my to my faith community.

I'm gonna be careful with this.

Keep praying for whatever you're praying for. Just add, God, give me the grace to accept my role in bringing that thing to pass. I'm gonna leave it there. I'm gonna leave it there. Guys, if you want more information, you wanna work with me one-on-one. ⁓ if you want more information about the things that I've shared.

Again, if you are a event planner, ⁓ church leader, a pastor, someone ⁓ that's in charge of putting together events, putting together ⁓ trainings for your staff, for your leaders, this is what I do. This is what I do. I'm available. I would love to to meet with you, speak with you, see how I can show up, serve and support the success of your church or your nonprofit organization. I would love to be able to serve you in this way.

If you are an individual, I call them my capable but constrained leaders, okay? My capable but constrained. You are capable of so much more. And you know that you are capable of so much more. But something keeps getting in the way. I want to work with you. You're responsible, but you're restricted. You keep showing up for your family. You keep showing up on the job. You keep showing up at church. You keep showing up.

In the spaces and places that you need to, but you're crumbling inside. You're breaking down inside. You're putting on the face, you're smiling on the outside, but you're suffering on the inside. Your capacity is at its max. Perhaps you're even over your capacity. I want to work with you. I'm letting you know that I'm available. I'm availing myself. Click the link in the description. Let's get on a call. Let's see if we can work together.

I would love to show up, serve, and support your success as well. All right. ⁓ a few more things that I don't want to forget as I get used to marketing myself a little bit more properly. and I'm gonna do nothing but improve from here. ⁓ if you want to support this podcast, if you want to support this platform, there is a link in the description that I'm gonna leave after ⁓ I shut down the live.

Or if you're listening to this on any podcast platform, there is a link to support financially. ⁓ all of this stuff costs. And if you want to be a part financially, a partner, you want to partner with me financially to support this podcast, you believe in what I'm saying, you believe in what I'm doing, ⁓ if you believe in what I'm doing, doing, ⁓ and you want to contribute, then I wanna I wanna make that available to you. ⁓ lastly, as I always wanna say, please subscribe.

Leave a comment, ask a question. There's a link for asking questions anonymously. And then share. Share with someone. Share with someone that you love, that you know might be struggling, that you know ⁓ might be missing it, man. Missing out on their best life, missing out on their potential, missing missing out on all that God has made possible for them. If you know those individuals, share the link. It takes you two seconds to share this link with somebody, to push it to someone else's page or

Or to to hold it down and copy it and text messages to somebody. Get it out there. Let's get this word out to more people because people are hurting. They're suffering. They may never say it, but you can see it when you look in their eyes. And I want to be able to expand and go and be of service wherever I can. So please help me out in that way. I know I'm forgetting something else, but that's why I keep recording them because I get better every time. All right.

that's it for now. Love you guys, pray for you guys, believing in you guys. Until next time, please remember your change is possible with practice. This practice. God bless you.