Stop Trying to Fix Your Quirky Brain (It's Not Broken!)

🎙️ The Quirky Brain Club - Episode 4

In this episode, Jo gets fired up about the endless stream of "solutions" promising to fix neurodivergence. Spoiler alert: you're not broken, so you don't need fixing!

What we cover:

• Why the quest for universal neurodivergent "fixes" is problematic
• The truth about psychological studies and neurodivergent exclusion
• Why that "perfect" planner might stop working (hello, dopamine!)
• The importance of understanding YOUR unique patterns
• Why experimentation beats perfectionism every time

Key Takeaways: 
✨ There's no one-size-fits-all solution for neurodivergent brains 
✨ Your lived experience is valid - trust it 
✨ Focus on building systems that work WITH your brain, not against it 
✨ Progress over perfection (even when your brain wants all-or-nothing thinking)

Resources Mentioned:
📝 Download Jo's free Energy Mapping Kit at jocasey.com

Website: jocasey.com

Quotes from the Episode:

"You cannot fix something that's not broken."

"The goal isn't to become less neurodivergent. It's to build a life and a business that works with your brain, not against it."

Jo Casey is an Autistic and ADHD speaker and business coach who helps other neurodivergent entrepreneurs make more money with less overwhelm and more joy in their work. By aligning your business strategies with your unique brain wiring, we'll transform your neurodivergent traits into powerful assets for growth and fulfilment.
Connect with her at Jocasey.com or follow her on Instagram

Transcript

Hey guys, it's Jo Casey. Welcome to the Quirky Brain Club podcast. I was going to talk about all kinds of things today, and then just as I clicked record, I thought, don't talk about that. Today, I want to talk about this  drive, this need that there seems to be,  not just on the internet, I think I sometimes call it, Blame the internet for so much of just society, culturally, to find definitive one size fits all solutions to fixing neurodivergence. 

And  I want to be really clear, this isn't about denying the challenges that can come from being neurodivergent. There are definite challenges that come with it. There are many challenges that come from  the fact that, you know, We are neurodivergent in a world built for neurotypical people. We live in a society which measures success and achievement and validity as humans  by neurotypical standards.

We live in a world that is  by and large driven by capitalism, which  requires a certain set of  skills and energy levels and ways of being that are neurotypical and

that are a lot more challenging for us neurodivergent folks  and I don't want to deny any of that  because they are very real things. There are also some very real challenges that come from being neurodivergent in and of  themselves. And that is,  Uh, you know, that could be things like  anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, , there are a lot of co morbid,  um, conditions that come along with being neurodivergent.

So I don't want to deny any of those.  And I am so tired of seeing so many ads and so many recommendations for things to fix. Neurodivergency, whether that be,  um, diets and supplements or planners, I am bombarded with at planners right now  and  there's a lot of  coaching language about how to coach people and give people's strategies to  effectively be less neurodivergent.

And I think there is some, some nuance in the discussion. So I wanna be really careful and say that. This certainly isn't all coaches at all. I know some amazing, um, ADHD coaches. I know some amazing, um, folks who work with people of all kinds of neurodivergences.  But there's a real difference between the sort of work that, that the good one's doing, the sort of work that, the sort of approach that I come at things from,  which is, there is nothing innately wrong with you. 

Your brain works differently from what is considered the norm. And as there's about 20 percent of the population who could be considered neurodivergent, it's not even that much of the norm, you know? There is things, there are things that  we bring to the table, and there are things that we are challenged by because of  the state of the table.

Does that analogy work?  We have a society that, that That basically sees neurotypical traits as being more valuable by and large.   

 Think a lot of my,  my kind of very strong beliefs about this come from two places,  three places. The first is I'm a late diagnosed neurodivergent person who has spent the vast majority of their life up to the age of 48 years old. Believing that I was somehow defective and spending over 20 years within the personal development industry, trying to find solutions to fix myself.

So there's a big personal thing around this. It was when I discovered that I was autistic and  initially back five years ago now, um,  I had  a whole range of thoughts, but.  One that came to me very quickly was, Oh, I'm,  I'm not broken. There's nothing wrong with me. I can't be fixed. And then, Oh, I'm not broken.

There's nothing wrong with me. I can't be fixed.  This is it.  All of the challenges that I have, all of the struggles that I have, there is no hack that is going to help me get past the person that I am. And so  I've spent 20 plus years trying to fix  something that was fundamentally unfixable. And yes,  obviously, I  very strongly believe that. 

You cannot fix something that's not broken. But there was still a grief in there because I had been so conditioned to think  that I just needed the next technique or the next modality that, that, that would fix me, that would help me overcome the challenges that I faced. And Whether that be things like  what I thought was just being disorganized and not being able to get things done and not being able to fill in forms and not being able to be consistent with things were actually issues around executive dysfunction and the fact that I'm dyslexic and the fact that, um, you know, my brain works differently.

And so there are always going to be things that I'm going to find just  Don't make sense. I can work them out. I can get help with them, but  I was trying to fix the wrong  I was trying to fix me. And I think so much of the personal development industry is about fixing the person rather than looking at, okay,  what if we take as our basic tenant,  the, the, the idea of we're not broken.

We are all  humans trying to do our best. So  second  thing that, that, that kind of I bring to this is the fact that I'm a parent of two neurodivergent. Young people,  and I have seen both of them struggle. I have seen both of them being told that they were the ones who were wrong because they were  struggling with school or they were struggling with friendships or they were being bullied and were told that, you know,  sometimes some kids just find friendships difficult when it was out and out.

Physical violent bullying, and I've been told it was a friendship issue, um, when it clearly wasn't a friend, a friendship issue, but because of the, the whole neurodivergent thing, it's like, well, they just don't socialize very well and things like that. And being just absolutely  furious and incensed at the lack of support and understanding still for neurodivergent young people, certainly in the UK.

I, I hope it's different in different countries, but I'm not a hundred percent convinced of that.  And then I suppose the third thing I  approached that feeds into this is my background as a coach. I've been a coach for over 20 years and my coaching philosophy and coaching, coaching approach was shaped a lot by,  um, Rogerian counseling.

So I, uh, there was also, I did some counseling training. a certified counselor because I realized that wasn't the route for me, but that, that kind of route and that, that connection with the, the kind of the coach training that I did and coaching approach is based on the work of, of Carl Rogers, which is the idea that we hold each person we work with in highest unconditional regard  and condition in  unconditional.

 The Fog

 is the work of Carl Rogers and the idea that we hold each person we work with in the highest positive regard, unconditional positive regard, that we put aside our judgments as much as we can and we take a very humanistic, holistic approach  to working with that person. And so it's completely at odds with my whole coaching philosophy to look at, okay, how can we fix this person? 

And so I've always really struggled with some of the, I suppose what I call the, the kind of the harsher kind of coaching, which is more bootcamping, which is more, maybe comes from kind of sports coaching around, you're going to do this and you're going to work this and you're going to drill this. And this is the new thing you're going to do.

And you're going to practice it each day, um, rather than actually my, my role as a coach is to help you work through this and unpack it and find the best route forwards for you.  So I suppose those three things combined, combined really make me quite  against this whole idea of  You know,  I suppose some of the ADHD coaching, I see some of the, the, the like neuro  divergent coaching that I see in seeing being advertised and some of these kind of, these hacks and these tricks and the, you use this system or you use that system.

Because the truth is, and I know this from experience both personally and with working with numerous people over the years.  There is no one technique, there is no one hack, you cannot mindset yourself.  Out of being neurodivergent, you cannot find the perfect planner that will help you overcome your executive dysfunction every single time.

You will find tools that work for you  that may not work for other people. You will find tools that it will feel like everybody is raving about, but they don't work for you. And then the trick is that the tricky thing is then to kind of go, well, what's wrong with me? It's nothing wrong with you. It's the.

There is no one universal tool. The people who say this is the definitive way of doing it, it's like, that's the definitive way that worked for them.  One of the ironies of being autistic is we're told that we don't have  The ability to see things from other people's perspectives  and challenge that, but also  it's like pot kettle.

I see so many other coaches and practitioners sharing the definitive way of doing it, the, the,, these are the things you have to do is show you how to go up at 5am. You have to use this planner. You have to drink this coffee. give up this food or take this supplement or whatever it may be.

And they are so vehement about it because it worked for them. And it's like, it blows their mind that they cannot understand why this isn't working for other people. And therefore they conclude that those other people must be lazy or just not trying hard enough. And so the whole cycle of blaming neurodivergent people for.

not being neurotypical or not being the person that is sharing their, you know, their plan or their program or whatever it may be, just continues and perpetuates.  And so I am really  against this idea that there are, there is a, A series of tools or hacks that are going to work for everybody.

I can share what's worked for me. I can share what's worked for some of my clients.  I can share ways of. Understanding yourself, because I think that once you understand yourself, once you understand your, the things that you are great at,  and the things that you find  more challenging, then we can work with that.

Then we can look, okay, how can we mitigate those things that you find challenging? How can we look at,  are there some tools that might help? Are there some things that could be brought in to help augment what you're already doing? And how can we do more of the stuff that you're really, really good at?

Because actually that's going to be easier. So that's why I talk a lot about things like energy mapping, and being able to understand things like what energises you, what activities energise you, what activities drain you,  what activities drain you. It's just like, Oh, I hate that  because if we can do more of the stuff that energize you and you are good at and less of the stuff that drains you or you hate them, then if it's just all going to be that much easier, it's going to flow better.

But if we're still trying to convince ourselves that we have to follow this pattern or I have to use this planner and I have to work these hours or do these tasks,  then we're always going to come up against,  I'm the problem. Okay. And it's not that you're the problem, it's that the approach that you're taking, or the strategy that you're using,  or the planner that you're using, just isn't the one for you, or isn't the approach for you.

 And so that's why I think I'm really pissed off at the fact that  there are  still all of these people  selling these hacks, selling these  They're maybe not always calling them cures. I think I'm probably, um, not quite as dark onto that side of the internet. I'm sure there are, I'm positive there are loads of cures out there  for neurodivergence, but, I am astonished at the audacity of people who will talk about this is the cure.

This is the fix. This is the one true way of doing things.  Just the,  how can you be that,  that certain? How can you be that, that?  that arrogant  with things. How can you be that uncurious? 

Apart from the fact that scientifically it's, it's impossible for everything to work for everybody.  Um,  it, it, it kind of blows my mind and still disappoints me a lot. 

For example, did you know that  the most  psychological, um,  experiments So within the fields of psychology, it was just something that I had a huge passion for, and I was going to go into at one point, I told you the idea of doing my conversion course for a long time to become, um, a psychologist in the UK, because I was really, really fascinated by all this stuff.

And like I say, I spent 20 years within personal development  that I  discovered that.  The vast majority of studies in the field of psychology  explicitly excluded neurodivergent people from  the trials.  And, and  those tests.  are done on neurotypical people, explicitly neurotypical people.  Within that group, there will be some undiagnosed neurodivergent people for sure.  But  how can we then,  I don't know, I'm just ranting today.  How can we then trust  so much of the psychology?

How can we then trust  these, these personal development hacks when they weren't even  assessed on us, when we weren't, in, uh, Excluded from the trials. 

So it really  pisses me off  to have this slew of  The only ADHD planner you'll ever need. And  because I've tried so many planners and if you have a planner that works for you, that is brilliant.

I don't want to take that away from you at all. I also do not want to be still having conversations with people about.  You know, what, what's the best planner to use? The best planner to use is going to be the one that works for you.  Um, maybe you're not that great at planning. Maybe a Google calendar. It's all going to be an experiment to find out what is the thing that works for you.

And also,  um, especially for those of us who  have ADHD, how much of that is linked to novelty?  Because what a lot of ADHD folks find is you'll find the thing and it works brilliantly until it stops. And very often it stops working because the dopamine's run out. 

 Okay,  

 let's talk about some things that you can do, some constructive takeaways. Firstly, if you are feeling frustrated  by solutions that aren't working for you, you're not alone and you're not the problem.  Instead of seeking the perfect system,  let's take a slightly different  approach, something more self compassionate.

Um, and it starts with self understanding, really getting to know  yourself, Use tools like my energy mapping kit. If you are not aware of it, I have a free energy mapping kit. You can go to my website and download it. I'll also include a link in the show notes and that will walk you through some ways to start to understand your patterns around energy.

And I don't just mean when you are tired and when you are awake. I mean activities that.  Are draining to you or activities that are energizing to you so that you can start to understand what actually works for you, not what should work for you. Because then once you have that,  you, you have more information, you have more knowledge.

You are able to be way more attuned and strategic about how  you run your business and how you take care of yourself in the midst of all of that.  Also pay attention to when and why certain strategies maybe stop working for you. It's very common for you to have something that it's so frustrating. I've just said it's really infuriating, but it's, it's very common, especially if you're someone who's dopamine driven, especially if somebody's ADHD,  particularly to find strategies and think these are working brilliantly.

And then. It almost runs out of steam. It's like, why doesn't this work in the same way?  Try and look at, okay, what was working other ways that you can reinvigorate it, get some more dopamine in there, get some more novelty in there. Or is it a question of looking for something else instead? And, and let go of the self recrimination.

It's not you. That's the problem. It's simply the system's not working anymore.  Secondly, embrace experimentation.  Try different approaches. And I always think that running a business is, is like this lovely little puzzle that you're trying to, um, you're trying to, to solve. It's what are all the pieces that I have, and if something's not working, it's not,  In fact, it's not usually that it's something you're doing wrong.

It may not be, Oh, we need to tweak that approach or take a slightly different, you slightly different strategy with that. So  having, uh, uh, uh, uh, an approach of embracing experimentation, letting go of, of, of a heavy attachment to the outcomes that can be  really.  A really helpful mindset shift rather than just think yourself better with it.

Actually you think, okay, it's, it's all, it's all an experiment.  Similarly, when something doesn't go right, because You will have things all of the time that don't work in the, in the way that you want them to, you'll have things that do, but part of running a business is understanding and being able to roll with the punches when things don't go well.

And you're able to tweak it. You're able to look at, Oh, Oh, there's some feedback here. There's some data here. It's not a failure. It's like, well, what, what was it that wasn't working about this? It could be any number of things. And being able to take that. Helicopter view, take that higher view and look at it and think,  did I not have the numbers in there?

Was there something wrong with the messaging? There was some, does the messaging need to be dialed in and be a bit clearer? Am I approaching the wrong people? Um, I really understanding my audience. Am I finding that I'm sharing my message in ways that I actually feel draining. And so that's coming across in my demeanor. 

Keep what works. modify what doesn't,  literally just let go of. The things that just feel wrong, there are so many ways to run a business that you do not have to keep following systems that make you feel broken, that make you feel deficient and aren't working for you. 

Thirdly, trust your experience. Your experience is valid. Your lived experience is valid. I think one of the, one of the things about, especially being a late diagnosed neurodivergent person is you've had A good chunk of your life being told that you're the problem.  There's something wrong with you because you should be able to do things a certain way.

And  discovering your neurodivergence is discovering that that's not the case. And yet it's not quite as simple as just suddenly shedding yourself with those years  of  negative self belief and self talk and, and kind of. Gaslighting, societal gaslighting that's been going on. So  give yourself permission to trust your experience.

What works for other people might not work for you. That's okay. What works for one neurodivergent person might not work for another neurodivergent person. That's absolutely okay. That's absolutely normal. We are not a  monolithic group, um, where everything is going to work for everyone.  I know it sounds like a cliché, but focus on your progress and not the perfection.

One of the things that I, um,  Really try and lean into and coach my clients too. And I have to say, I don't always get it right, but it's building in a habit of reflecting on things that have gone well, even the small things that have gone well. There's something called monotropism. 

That a lot of us neurodivergents have, which is we can get very, very focused in on one particular thing. I mean, it's great because we can have hyperfixations, we can have hyperfocus, we can get loads done. But it can also mean that we get tunnel vision around what's going well, what's going wrong. badly.

And so when things are going well, it's like, yay, everything's going brilliantly. It will always be this way. And when things aren't going so well, it can feel like it can be really hard to remember that it isn't always like this.  And psychologically that can be really, really brutal to live with.  And so one of the things that I find  particularly helpful for me, and I know that I've talked to clients about this, is keeping some kind of record of the ups and the downs,  but especially the ups.

 Even the small things like what, what did you plan on getting done this week? You were going to send up three emails. Did you send up three emails? Brilliant. Did you get the, you know, what, did you get replies from people? Did you, what did you sell? What great conversations did you have? What did you deliver that you're proud of?

All of those kinds of things can be really, really beneficial to, to help you see that you are making progress, to get out of this. Black and white all or nothing thinking and be able to appreciate the journey. I don't know that sounds very coachy.  The goal isn't to become less neurodivergent. It's to build a life and a business that works with your brain, not against it.

It's to build. Uh, a life that is built on your vision of success and not what other people tell you, you should be wanting. And that could be around the amount of money you want to earn, the amount of time that you want to spend working, whether you have hobbies, whether you are able to spend time doing things that nourish and nurture yourself. 

It's about  looking at the big picture about why are you doing this? Why do you want to be doing this?  I'm building things out from there in a way that's going to nurture you in a way that's going to sustain you in a way that is going to fit you.  If you want to explore more about this, then I highly recommend the energy mapping kit.

Um,  it gets loads of great feedback and it's absolutely free. So I'll include the link in the show notes or just go to jocasey.com and click on the link at the top of the menu. That is, uh, ng mapping kit  and until next time, keep embracing your quirky brain, my love. Speak soon