Where Are You 'Playing Not to Lose'?

Stop Playing Not to Lose: Shift Your Perception & Unleash Your Inner Legend (Living Lucky® Podcast)

Ever feel like you're holding back, focusing more on avoiding mistakes than seizing opportunities? Join Jason and Jana Banana for an insightful exploration into how our perception often traps us in a "playing not to lose" mentality, even when we're already winning.

Discover Jason's eye-opening realization about fixating on stock trading losses while overlooking consistent gains, and Jana's tendency to dwell on rare speaking missteps despite numerous successes. Through relatable stories and powerful analogies—like the baseball player who doesn't run that extra base and the narrow view through a fence—we illuminate this common cognitive bias that limits our potential in investments, relationships, and careers.

Learn the profound wisdom of Wayne Dyer: "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change," and see how Jana's puzzle-solving experiences beautifully illustrate this principle. Most importantly, we challenge you to identify areas where you've become too cautious after achieving success, protecting your gains instead of continuing with the bold approach that got you there. It's time to remember: "Legends don't play safe—legends play because they love the game." Tune in and rediscover the joy of playing to win!

Nuggets:

• The Perception Trap: Why We Focus on Losses More Than Wins.
• Playing Not to Lose vs. Playing to Win: Understanding the Difference.
• Widening Your Vision: Seeing Opportunities Beyond the Immediate Challenge.
• The Power of Reframing: How Changing Your Focus Changes Everything.
• Unleashing Your Inner Legend: Embracing Boldness Over Caution.
• The Joy of the Game: Rediscovering Your Passion and Drive.
• Shifting Your Questions: Focusing on What You Have and What's Possible.

Why do I focus on my failures more than my successes? How to shift from a "not to lose" to a "play to win" mindset. How to overcome the fear of losing what I've gained. How to play bolder and take more opportunities. What does it mean to "play like a legend"?  How to change my focus from what's missing to what's possible. Why do I remember failures more than successes? What is the 'playing not to lose' mentality? How can I change my perception? How to overcome fear of failure after success? How can I be bolder in my

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*Previously Recorded

Transcript

Creating Your Luck

Jana Shelfer 0:00

Are you ready to create a life you crave? Let's spin that doom loop of negativity into an upward success cycle and start Living Lucky®.

Jason Shelfer 0:14

Good morning.

Jana Shelfer 0:15

I'm Jana, I'm Jason and we are Living Lucky®. You are too.

Jana Shelfer 0:20

When you're creating your luck, perception is everything.

Jason Shelfer 0:25

So true.

Jana Shelfer 0:26

And this morning Jason was looking at his stocks. We've been pretty adamant about learning the stock market. I wouldn't call us day traders. I would call us swing traders.

Jason Shelfer 0:40

We're swingers, not that kind of swingers, swing traders.

Stock Trading Mindset

Jana Shelfer 0:43

Swing traders, swing traders, and so we look at the stock market at least for an hour every morning.

Jason Shelfer 0:50

Every morning yep.

Jana Shelfer 0:55

And.

Jason Shelfer 0:55

Jason was looking at his stocks, and what did you say? Well, what I noticed immediately was that I recognize my losses way before and way more often, and I give them more weight than my wins.

Jana Shelfer 1:05

Because you're actually pretty good. You do better than I do and I'm the one that sits in the class Like. I listen to all the webinars and I sit and watch the daily trades.

Jason Shelfer 1:19

Yeah, don't overthink it, that's for sure.

Jana Shelfer 1:22

However, you tend to remember your losses.

Jason Shelfer 1:28

And that was an awareness for me this morning because I did really well last year.

Jana Shelfer 1:33

And I tend to remember my wins I get very risky. I get very risky. I make bold moves.

Jason Shelfer 1:44

But they're also informed moves.

Jana Shelfer 1:46

I noticed yesterday you were like whoa, whoa, whoa, that's too rich for my blood. I was like are you kidding me?

Jason Shelfer 1:55

Just a thousand dollars.

Jana Shelfer 1:57

Let's go.

Jason Shelfer 1:58

Let's do it. Yeah, so it's very interesting, well, I think the reason for that was because having the awareness this morning that I give so much weight to my losses that when I think $1,000 lost there it could be big, Like that would hurt what I'm trying to do and you were looking at, well, it's $1,000 that you could lose, but it's also $3,000 you could make.

Jana Shelfer 2:26

Right.

Jason Shelfer 2:27

I look at what I could make, so that's an awareness that I now get to play with and explore, because it's so bizarre, though, because I feel like in real life we're kind of the opposite. Right.

Jana Shelfer 2:44

You make bold moves in career and in coaching in life in general, whereas I tend to be a lot more cautious.

Jason Shelfer 2:58

Just cautious, reserved stay just outside your comfort zone, but not like forget it. Leave it in the rear view at least.

Jana Shelfer 3:09

Yeah, I kind of feel like, yeah, I'm not going to bet that much, right.

Perception of Success and Failure

Jason Shelfer 3:14

And that's just something now I get to explore Because, looking at what happened last year and even looking so far, what's happened this year, I've had success. It's been a progression. I haven't lost. However, in my mind it felt like I've lost so many times that I must be losing. And then I look at the gains report and it's like, oh no, you're in the positive.

Jana Shelfer 3:44

I am so glad that we are bringing this to your awareness because and people who are listening to this, I'm going to bring you inside our marriage real quickly because, when it comes to Jana and her speaking career, I tend to look back and I remember all of the failures I do. I remember all the failures all the times that I have left the stage going oh my God, that did not go as I expected. I was looking at an audience and they just had their mouths open. They looked like they did not.

Jason Shelfer 4:20

They looked like they were comatose.

Jana Shelfer 4:21

Did not compute, did not compute. Do you know what I'm saying?

Jason Shelfer 4:25

On occasion.

Jana Shelfer 4:28

No, it was like almost every time.

Jason Shelfer 4:31

From the audience, though I felt like people were in it. They were on most, almost all of them. There were like two that I can name where they're like what's she talking about?

Jana Shelfer 4:42

I had people falling asleep. I remember one speaking occasion where I was like are you asleep? Like I literally said that.

Jason Shelfer 4:49

Are you with me here? Are you awake?

Jana Shelfer 4:51

Hey, wake up, wake up. And I called them out on it and then I was like, why did I do that? That was bad. You don't call someone out, because then it just brings attention that he was falling asleep. Well, I think that.

Jason Shelfer 5:03

So I got called out this morning on my perspective on what success looks like in my stock trading, which I thought was huge, because I think you do great. I do.

Jana Shelfer 5:15

I mean you're like oh my gosh, I'm up and I'm like really, and then you tell me the percentage that you're up and I am like go you, and for anyone listening, when you first start trading, for anyone listening when you first start trading. We only take. It's almost like play money for us at this point, because we are learning, so you know the majority we're paying for our education. Yeah, the majority of our finances are being handled by a professional.

Jana Shelfer 5:51

However, we take a little portion for ourselves so that we can learn, and eventually, within the next five years, we want to be able to handle our own finances, and so we spend at least an hour a day. Most of the time, we spend a lot more. It just has become fun for us.

Jason Shelfer 6:16

It's like a game and also, I think, for me especially, the more risk that I perceive, the more time I will spend kind of analyzing, thinking, wondering, worrying.

Jana Shelfer 6:26

And it's so interesting to me because I find myself I mean I go big, I go really big to the point where when I lose, I lose really big.

Jason Shelfer 6:39

Yeah, Well, this is what I'm also recognizing now is that I leave a lot of money on the table because I'm like I'm happy with a 5% gain or 6% gain.

Jana Shelfer 6:50

You're very safe.

Where Focus Goes, Energy Flows

Jason Shelfer 6:52

But then I also beat myself up, and this might be where I see where my mental capacity feels like I'm losing, because I think, oh, I got out too soon, which means I've lost the additional, and what I'm not doing is giving myself credit for the gain that I made mentally.

Jana Shelfer 7:13

Yeah.

Jason Shelfer 7:13

So if I consistently say I left money on the table, I'm basically believing that I've lost this money and I haven't. I've already gained five, 6% on my investment, which is huge in a couple of days, but in my brain I'm going. I just lost an extra $300.

Jana Shelfer 7:38

Okay.

Jason Shelfer 7:39

And I didn't lose it. Think of it like this I didn't lose anything.

Jana Shelfer 7:41

Think of it like this you were playing baseball and you hit a really good ball out into left field Right and you only ran to second base when you really could have ran all the way to third. Or you only ran to first base, or you might have been able to run to third. When you could have run to third.

Jason Shelfer 8:04

Yeah, you could have gotten thrown out at third.

Jana Shelfer 8:08

But at the very least you could have gone to second, yeah, and you stayed at first going. No, I'm just going to stay here. I'm safe. I know that I got to first.

Jason Shelfer 8:17

I got a base here, I got on base, I got on base. And I'm not winded.

Jana Shelfer 8:20

I'll just stay right here. Yeah, I'm safe, I'm safe right here.

Jason Shelfer 8:25

This gives me a lot of space to just get curious and start being more aware of what I'm thinking or feeling. I guess is really what it is.

Jana Shelfer 8:38

What are those feelings that are coming up during the trades, and it might also give you a little compassion for your wife.

Jason Shelfer 8:44

Maybe We'll see.

Jana Shelfer 8:46

I don't know.

Jason Shelfer 8:48

I'll listen to you. I just know what an amazing, outstanding person you are. You are. But you understand now how it works and how your mind can play tricks on you like that, yeah, definitely, and a lot of times we don't recognize where our mind plays tricks on us until it's pointed out or there's that pinpoint of awareness that's made available.

Playing Like Legends

Jana Shelfer 9:12

I have friends who often say that they're lacking love. Right, Because they always remember where they feel like they got the short end of the stick in some sort of relationship and I look at all of the areas where, oh my gosh, you have love all around you. Do you know what I'm saying? 100%.

Jason Shelfer 9:41

And they're not seeing that it's because we want it this way this specific way yes, so that's all I'm looking for it is in that specific way looking at what they've lost it's like going up to this fence that uh like a chain link fence but there's a sign on it and you, there's a little hole in the sign. You're like I'm gonna look through this little hole because that's the only place that I want to receive love through and receive the vision through, when everything else is pretty much wide open. We're just deciding to look down this little narrow hallway. Yes, yeah, I find myself doing that sometimes, like in situations where I feel the harder it gets, the more narrow my vision and I start thinking it's this way, this way, this way, and it takes you talking to me or another coach talking to me it says, hey, there's a million other solutions out here and I do this with my clients, but I don't.

Jason Shelfer 10:34

When you're in it, it's hard. Like you start digging your own trench, you start creating your own um narrow mindedness.

Jana Shelfer 10:43

So I guess for today's podcast, I just really want to just nail it in perception. Perception what are we? What are we focusing on? Are we focusing on what we have or what we don't have? Are we focusing on what we've lost or what we've gained? So big Are we focusing on what's missing or what's coming? Are we focusing on, do you?

Jason Shelfer 11:08

see the difference.

Jana Shelfer 11:09

Yeah, 100%, there's our successes or our losses, the problem or the solution.

Jason Shelfer 11:16

And when you change your focus, you change your feeling.

Jana Shelfer 11:19

And you know where. One more analogy, where this really stood out to me is when I went through my puzzle phase. I went through a puzzle or puzzle phase where I did so many puzzles and I learned so many lessons from that. But one lesson was when you're looking at a puzzle and you're really trying to figure out where the puzzle fits, and you're looking at the piece and you're looking at the edges of the piece, and so you look at the little knobs of the piece the legs, the arms, the head.

Jana Shelfer 11:51

When you change your perception, you kind of you literally like change your gaze, to kind of fuzz out the piece and soft gaze a soft gaze and then you focus on the negative space. Now, all of a sudden, you've changed the way you look at this piece, and wayne dyer always says when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change, yeah, 100%.

Jason Shelfer 12:22

It hits me differently so many times, in so many different ways.

Jana Shelfer 12:25

All of a sudden, that puzzle piece will stand out to you differently and you will find it immediately.

Jason Shelfer 12:33

It's almost like it will find its own spot, which is crazy. It will just find itself.

Jana Shelfer 12:37

It will just pop out and you're like, oh my gosh, there it is. And it's the same way with your stocks when you focus on all of the losses that you've had, it's a different game.

Jason Shelfer 12:50

It's a different mindset.

Jana Shelfer 12:51

It's a different energy and if you can open, your awareness.

Jason Shelfer 12:57

It's playing to win versus playing, not to lose. Yes, that's exactly what it is, and I recognize just actually in this conversation that I play not to lose.

Jana Shelfer 13:08

Yes, and I do the same thing in my career. In my career, I have been extremely uber successful and it feels to me like I'm at a point where it is really hard for me to just put it all out there and say Hail Mary.

Jason Shelfer 13:31

And hope there's not an interception Right.

Jana Shelfer 13:34

Because it feels to me like you know I have. I just don't want to do anything to ruin everything that I've gained thus far.

Jason Shelfer 13:55

It's so crazy, but we need to start thinking like a rookie in a way. That's a big recognition because when you put it like the Hail Mary in the football game, you're already winning, like you're winning in all these areas, and you have a couple, you have these plays left, so you've got another quarter.

Jana Shelfer 14:13

Yeah, and so I, I'm, I play safe, and I need to stop playing safe because legends don't play safe. Wow, legends play because they love the game.

Jana Shelfer 14:26

So big and they love to play.

Jason Shelfer 14:29

Let's be legends.

Jana Shelfer 14:31

Right.

Jason Shelfer 14:31

Let's just keep being legends. Let's just play to have fun the funny thing is, we've been legends so far, so let's just play.

Jana Shelfer 14:38

Like when you look at the life we've lived, we've been legends so far.

Jason Shelfer 14:41

So what's changed? Been legends so far. So what's changed there? And I think it's us putting a timeline perspective on what we're looking at and saying we've got the fourth quarter or we've got the second half of the game now and it's it's wanting to hold our lead. I know and it's time to just increase it.

Jana Shelfer 15:01

A lot of areas of our life.

Jason Shelfer 15:03

Yeah, I'm recognizing this now. So let's this now. So let's start playing like legends and increase our lead, because we love the game.

Jana Shelfer 15:11

And that's a great ending Legend. Thanks for joining us.

Jason Shelfer 15:15

Keep Living Lucky®, bye-bye.

Jana Shelfer 15:18

If the idea of Living Lucky® appeals to you, visit us at www. LivingLucky. com.