Awakening Your Inner Power and Mastering Your Mind Discussion with Dr John Demartini: EP 11

Dr. John Demartini is proof that by awakening this inner power, you can achieve more than what you previously thought was possible in your life.

At the age of 12, John was told he would never be able to learn to read, write or communicate effectively due to learning difficulties. 

Undeterred, he was determined to unlock his own genius and find a way to show others that they could do the same. 

Decades later, he’s an internationally published author, a global educator who has shared the stage with Sir Richard Branson and Deepak Chopra, and is the founder of The Demartini Method, a revolutionary tool in modern psychology.

Dr. Demartini has helped hundreds of thousands of people transform their lives according to their highest values and has now made these tools available to all who have tried but failed to create change in his 7 Treasures book. 

Dr Demartini discusses how people can benefit from knowing their own personal values, how to discover what they are, and to learn to live by them for success in his latest book, The 7 Secret Treasures: A Transformational Blueprint for a Well-Lived Life

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Website: https://drdemartini.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drjohndemartini/

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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drjohndemartini/

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Transcript

0:11

Welcome to another episode of the Business Growth Mindset podcast. I'm your host, Kristen loboc. And I'm incredibly excited to welcome our guest, Dr. John Demartini. On the show today, Dr. John Demartini is proof that by awakening his inner power, you can achieve more than what you previously thought was possible in your life. Now at age 12, Dr. Demartini, was told that he would never be able to learn to read, write, or communicate effectively due to learning difficulties now, undeterred, he was determined to unlock his own genius and find a way to show others that they could do the same. Now Dickens later, he's an internationally published author, a global educator, who has shared the stage with Sir Richard Branson, and Deepak Chopra, and is the founder of the Demartini method, a revolutionary tool in modern psychology. Now, Dr. Demartini, has helped hundreds of 1000s of people transform their lives according to their highest values, and has now made these tools available to all who have tried, but failed to create change in his brand new book, the seven treasures. Okay, now I have to have a caveat here. I have had actually already downloaded and read the book before Dr. Demartini, his team reached out to me. So I just want to make that really clear. And I fully endorse the book. I love it. And I've read other works of Dr. Demartini. And I'm a bit like a kid in a candy store, guys, I and we had a little chat off air. And so right now I just want to welcome Dr. John Demartini. Welcome to the Business Growth Mindset podcast. And thank you. Thank you, thank you for having me on your show. Oh, look, I think all my listeners are wondering, Christian, you don't interrupt anyone like that? What is going on? And? And look, the truth is, I am a bit like a fat kid in a candy store. And, and I can't wait to get you to get some answers and questions going. But more importantly, what I want to do for those of you who for our listeners who have been living under a rock, okay, who may not know who you are, I want to give you just a little opportunity to tell us a little bit about you. But I'd like from from you to tell us a little bit more from where you came from, to where you are today. If that's okay with you. Okay, you want to very brief version? Oh, yeah. Well, we'll get into the detail, I'm sure through the podcast, but whatever. I mean, I just know that you're a great storyteller. And I think that and that story comes from the level of education and knowledge that you've acquired over the years. So please, I could just sit here and listen to you quite comfortably and I'm sure everybody else too. Well, I was born in 1954. So I'm 68 now I was born with my arm and a leg turned in. I ended up having a speech impediment. Starting at age one and a half I had to go to speech pathologist had to wear a brace his arm and leg until I was four. When I got to elementary school when I was six going on seven in first grade, that's when the teacher told me that I would never be able to it wasn't 12 is actually six going on seven. Wow. When went up. It's trying to learn how to read. I couldn't read. And no matter what I did, it just wasn't working. So I was started in the normal class went to a remedial class and had to wear a dunce cap. I only made it through school with the questions I asked the smartest kids. And that worked till I was about 12 I was able to pass some of the classes with asking smart kids and befriending teachers and other strategies. Then my parents moved from Houston, Texas to Richmond, Texas to a very low socio economic area where we there wouldn't be smart kids. And I failed. So by the time I was 13, I was out of school and forget that while I tried to go on to a different school by myself hitchhiking to a different place, but it didn't work. So I became a street kid at 13. And beach kid and I had picked up surfing at age nine. And so Texas wasn't the surf capitol. So I wanted to go to California and why. So at 14 I hitchhiked to California and down into Mexico. So I could serve I lived there till I was 15. Then I panhandled enough money to make it on a flight to from Los Angeles to Hawaii to Oahu. There I lived under a bridge and then lived in a park bench. Then then in a bathroom and then abandoned car, I kept social climbing, eventually a tent. And from 15 to 17, almost 18 I was a surfer riding big waves in Hawaii. And I dropped out of school. I still literally still hadn't read a book from cover to cover had a very limited vocabulary. And then I nearly died. From strychnine poisoning. Surfing a big wave one day, my diaphragm stopped. I couldn't breathe. Wow. And so for three and a half days, I was unconscious. And luckily, they got the breath going. And in recovery of that I was led to a health food store. Which led me to a yoga class where Paul C, Bragg was speaking. And in one night, one hour, this one man with what he said inspired me to believe that maybe I could overcome my learning problems and challenges, and speaking problems and learn how to speak and read. someday become intelligent. I was pretty good at surfing, got into some surf magazines and movies and stuff. But I wasn't academic. But that night I met him. I had a dream. And I saw in a vision that I would stand in front of a group of people and be able to speak and speak clearly, intelligently. And that was the beginning of a change in my life that has now gone on for 50 years. Because that was 50 years plus ago. And so that led me back to take a GED high school equivalency tests, eventually figuring out how to pass that eventually learning how to read a dictionary in order to grow my vocabulary, memorizing 30 words a day or with the help of my mom, eventually going back to school. And after doing 30 words a day, if you do that for a couple years, that's 20,000 words. So my vocabulary grew pretty good. Brilliant. I learned how to read. And I never stopped reading from that day on. I mean, you've read over 30,700 books. How many Yeah. 30,700 books now. That's that's just that's mind blowing. and amazing. So so I've been leader and I started teaching at age 18. Anybody that would listen to me, I would be inspired to share. And now I've gotten to speak 186 countries and to millions, in fact, billions of people now, but but I, you know, if you if you stay with something long enough, you build momentum. And you get better and greater at it. So I I hope to get greater at it as I still go. I'm still working on it. I still got a few more countries go I made a commitment at 17 to go to every country on the earth. So I'm working on it. So Wow. So how many how many have you done now? So far? Well, I spoken on 186. And there's still a few more this year. Right now I'm in the Red Sea. I'm sailing in the Red Sea, as I mentioned. It's just just to the to the right of us is patriot. And then right below us is Ethiopia and Somalia and Yemen is off to the left and Saudi Arabia is off to the left. So we're sailing down there. And I'm speaking as I'm going I'm, that's where I'm speaking from right now. So it's funny, because I didn't know you were on a ship, when, when we jumped on. And we had a couple of challenges getting on and I'd said as a joke, I was like, Well, you know, you can be stuck on some ship somewhere and you're like, Yeah, I actually am I'm on a ship in the Red Sea. So it but I think that that's that's that's testimony of the person you become and who you are. You know, I mean, one of the things that I've always loved about your work, it's it's very deep. And I think that the synergy that I have with your works is that I'm very values driven and any my clients, my audience, the people that I'm surrounded by, know that and you know, obviously my strap line is live with purpose. And and I think that's really important. I have a question around that. Because I have read your works. And and and I'd love to hear from you. What is the key and this is where I've broken already my rules and the questions that I asked. But Dr. Demartini, what is the key to living your best life? Every human being, regardless of age, gender or culture has a unique, evolving set of priorities or values that you live your life by things that are most to least important in your life. This set of values or priorities is fingerprint specific to you. It determines how you perceive how you decide and how you act. Whatever is highest on the value list. The thing that's most important, you are spontaneously inspired from within to fulfill it. You don't need extrinsic motivation to get you to do anything about it. Mine is teaching. I do it seven days a week for 50 years. And you won't find anybody that tend to motivate me to do that. If you need motivation to do what you say is important, what you say is important is not important to requires no motivation. Motivation is a symptom never a solution for human beings. So finding out that one thing is Gary Keller calls it that one thing at the top that is truly most meaningful and inspiring and fulfilling. The thing is spontaneous, that nobody has to do and structure your life. And prioritize your life in a way where you're getting to do that in a way that is meaningful, and sustainably fair exchanged with other people as a service. And delegating the rest away to people who would love to do the things you'd love to delegate is the key to and most inspired life. You're not going to live an inspired life doing low party things. Anytime you do low party things, you devalue yourself. But anytime you do the highest party thing, you value yourself, and so is the world. So I teach, I research and write, and I travel. That's it. I haven't cooked since I was 24 have cooks, I haven't driven since 32 years ago, I have driver almost 33 Now I don't fly pilot, I have specialists to do everything other than what I do what I love, which is teach research and write, to travel the world. So I learned to delegate everything. Now I jokingly say that because I I tell my girlfriend, look, if I was to delegate lovemaking to George Clooney, would you still love me? And she says I would love you even more. You're joking. I'm not I'm not going to do that when I'm joking about that. And she's Oh, no, but but the point is that if you're not delegating lower party things, you're going to be doing low priority things. And you're going to scatter and dissipate your potential to do extraordinary things. So prioritizing your life and living by the highest priority. If you don't fill your day with high priority actions that inspire you, your day fills up with low priority distractions that don't, and the low prior to distractions that don't or they're designed, by no mistake, to guide you, to frustrate you to get you back on to what is truly important to you. Everything that goes on every symptom in your life is trying to get you to be authentic and your authentic identity revolves around what you value most. That's, that's the best answer I could have asked for and anyone that's listening. That was a really great way of bringing together the reason why, you know, doing the one thing but also it comes from within. i That is that is magnificent. And it's interesting. You talk about exactly that in the book, the seven secret treasure, it's in one of the chapters and I I like yourself was was was deemed illiterate and pretty much told I was stupid. Through most of my schooling and you know, I obviously didn't have the same challenges physically through birth, etc. But mine. Mine was just my upbringing. And, and I'll never forget, I woke up one day and said no, no, I you know, and I went through the school of hard knocks. Same thing but different, not as extreme. And one day I woke up and went hang on a minute, I'm not stupid. And it was a it was a mindset switch and mine wasn't a near death experience, Mom was more that I kind of had lived this incredible life and had achieved so much down a path that was completely different to everybody else. And yet I was completely and utterly unfulfilled because all I was searching for was achievement to validate this, this thing called life. And then I lost everything. And I became homeless. And my listeners know the story, but it's for the purpose of what I'm going to get to as it comes from within the moment you wake up and you realize what you stand for in this world. And what you can do, like you said, you're motivated to just wait, yeah, I don't need motivation, either. You know, I don't need an alarm clock to wake me up, I get up and I go and do what I do. Because I love it. And I love doing it for people that love what they do. And that's the message on the business growth mindset. It's, and I think that you've just summarized that better than anyone has before. 10 times better than how I could ever put it together. And what I loved was exactly that point. And it's, it is that, that singular focus, but it was really great, because if you want to learn more about this, you have to pick up the book because there are two chapters in particular that are dedicated to the things that you just kind of summarized for us. In answering my question. You talked about in when you answered that question, you were talking about taking back control, or being in control. If we're our listeners who might be stuck, or might be in a place, that's a place where you and I once where we're where everyone's telling us what we can't do, right? What advice have you got for them? Well, when the voice in the vision on the inside is louder than all opinions on the outside, you begin to master your life. I love how you put that so simply. And so powerfully. Thank you. Yep, absolutely. I refer believer, you know, I've been studying physiology for many decades. And I'm now convinced that, as Walter Cannon wrote in his book, The wisdom of the body, many years ago, 1932, he talked about homeostasis, that the world around you perturbed you, but you keep an internal milieu, an internal environment that stable, regardless of the external world. And you have feedback systems, negative feedback loops, to try to keep you stable. And this is occurring in physiology, but it's also occurring in psychology. And all the symptoms of the body, if properly interpreted, is a guiding mechanism towards authenticity. And notice, let's say that we meet with somebody and we put them on a pedestal and we infatuated with them. And we minimize ourselves in term comparison. And we put them on a pedestal they represent pray in our brain, a parasympathetic activity and autonomics. And we have the seeking impulse. And we want to consume that individual, and minimize ourselves. And we'll sacrifice ourselves to get that. And we'll minimize ourselves in it, put it on a pedestal and inject some of those people values in your life cloud that clearly have our own mission, and distract ourselves trying to be somebody we're not trying to be infatuated with this individual. So anytime we put people on pedestals, and we try to live in their values, we have futility and frustration and we create symptoms in our body to let us know it. And when we resent somebody, and puff ourselves up, because we're too proud to admit what we see in them inside us. And we activate the fight or flight sympathetic response, we create a whole nother set of symptoms, to let us know that our judgment of other people isn't accurate. And we're now trying to change them into being like us, which is futile. So anytime we judge and we exaggerate, minimize others, and minimize and exaggerate us in return. We lose our authenticity. We create symptomatology, if properly understood what that symptoms really represent and not just suppress the Simpsons with palliative medical care. The symptoms are guiding us back to a loving, balanced appreciation, reflective awareness where we have authenticity. All the symptoms of our body is trying to help us maximize our potential in life, all of our intuition and whispering inside of our negative feedback systems whispering because if we're infatuated, we're are whispering is saying too good to be true. Watch out. If we were resentful. There's got to be a meaning and reason for This, we have an intuitive feedback system, homeostatic feedback system trying to get us back to authenticity where we level the playing field and have equanimity within ourselves and equity between ourselves and others. That state liberates that state dissolves the and heals the symptoms. And it confirms when we're authentic to help us maximize our potential objectively in the world. So every symptom in our physiology, psychology, sociology, our business, if properly interpreted, is constantly trying to get us back to our authentic self, where we're most objective living by our highest priorities, and uncertain about that, I mean, I, I could go for days on the how and why that and where that how that works. So are we literally being guided, but what happens is we're taught so many moral hypocrisy is about how life is supposed to be, instead of honoring the way it actually is, we're missing out on the feedback. That's what life offers us. We get rid of, you know, our pains by taking something that gives us pleasure and avoid what the pains are trying to teach us. And I'm a firm believer that if we listen wisely to what our physiology psychology and sociology are guiding us to do, we will do extraordinary things, and we'll see life on the way not in the way and will be grateful for life instead of ungrateful. And we'll be doing what we love instead of not. So I'm a firm believer that our everything is going on in life is trying to help us maximize our potential on planet Earth. I look I, I I'm almost lost for words. And that's, that's actually very hard to do. And I think that's because listening to you say that. It just made me realize something that we talked about with another guest a while ago. And but he said it really well. The key is to live in our authentic self as often as possible. And not allowing those negative feedback loops, or people for that matter, to kind of divert us away from that authentic self. And I think the other thing that really, and maybe you can elaborate on it. We've got to live in our values, and not compare ourselves to others. Yeah, I mean, we hear that a lot, right? I'm at least in my world, I hear that a lot. And I'm assuming you're a practitioner and teacher in the space. How do we get people? Dr. Demartini? How do we get people to actually understand the importance of that statement, that we need to live by our authentic values, and not actually try and compare ourselves to others? Well, we're not here to put people on pedestals or pitch, we're here to put them in a heart. Because they are, they're a reflection of a part of us that we're disowning. If we're if we're too proud or too humble to admit what we see in others inside us, we're disowning parts, and disempowering ourselves with those voids of emptiness from the judgment. But let's take a look. And let's think about a moment in our life. I mean, we're two men, but there could be more women out there with the same thing, the thing of a time when you have been infatuated with somebody, I'm sure you've had at least one of those. Some of you really infatuated. And you really put them on a pedestal and you're thinking, wow, there's way more advantage and disadvantage of this from this one's unique, and that's kind of thing. And then look about how many of the things you did in order to fit into their lives, how many things you stopped doing what you normally do, and how many things you did to try to please them for fear of loss of them, initially in the first few weeks of being together. And that's a good example of what can happen. If you put people on pedestals and compare yourself to them and are too humble to admit what you see in them. It's inside you. You'll sacrifice what's important to you to try to please them. And then what's happening is you'll build up units of resentment doing that, until eventually resentments equaling the infatuation stick say I want my life back and I want to do the things that I really want to do again, but I've seen people during the infatuation phase sacrifice things that they normally do that are important to them to fit into a relationship. And people think oh, when I'm infatuated them that's puppy love. That's not love. That's an infatuation to dopamine rush. And you can see what that does it makes you in a sense, diminish yourself, exaggerate the other individual sacrifice what's important to you to be now with them for fear of rejection of them for fear of loss because anything you infatuate you Fear of the loss of and you just diluted your potential, try to be somebody or not. And then when they don't, you know, match up to the fantasy you had, and now you're angry at them, the whole thing is an illusion you started with. But the same thing can occur in reverse. Because when you resent somebody and put them down in the pit, you want to fix them, you want to change them, you want to get self righteously proud and tell them what to do and how to be. And you should do this, and you want to do that. And now you're trying to get them to live in your values. And anybody in a marriage knows, if you try to get your spouse to be like you, you, you'll get castrated, it's just a matter of time. So, so you know, people want to be loved for who they are not who you want to make them. And you want to be loved for who you are, and not who you think you need to be to be with somebody. So anytime you infatuated, resent, you disempower yourself, you spend energies on utilities, and it creates symptoms in your life to try to get you back to judging less and loving more. And when you finally realize that to see or the scene in the scene is the same whatever you see in them, you got see I went to the Oxford Dictionary 38 years ago, and that big dictionary, in paper. And I went through page by page by page line by line neurotically and look for every human behavioral trait, I could find it. I found 4628 individual traits in this book. Wow. And then I looked at, okay, who do I know that Excel displays that behavior the most. And I wrote their initial out to the side from where that behavior was kind, cruel, mean, you know, whatever it was honest, dishonest, whatever I wrote down, who is it that I think of that really represents that. And then once I did that, then I looked at where in my life, I said, Oh, John, go to a moment where and when you perceive yourself displaying or demonstrating that same behavior. And keep doing that until you see it as much as you see in the most extreme person, you know. And I went through and owned all 4628 traits that took months. And I realized that that way, instead of having to avoid people or seek people, because of my infatuation, resentments, or whatever, I can just be present and realize that I have all that nothing's missing me. The true you has nothing missing in you. You're the hero and the villain that he had the saint to sinner, you're all the above. And when you finally love all parts of yourself, and don't try to get rid of half of yourself, and don't try to be something of one sidedness and put on a facade for society. Now you can be at the authentic self. So I went through there and found out where I had every one of those traits. So somebody said, Well, you're mean, yes. I mean, at times, while you're in concert, yes, I'm in considered at times, and in your life, or something I've lived at times, and then there's no button on it. And I don't have to hide, I was just able to be me. Because I realized trying to get rid of half of yourself is going to be futile. I never got rid of any trait. And I never gained any trade. I just realized I had every trade. And that was an eye opening and your spirits 38 years ago, and I've been taking people through, you know, my Demartini method in helping people realize that there's nothing you'll see in other people you don't have inside yourself, the moment you have an equally to what you see in them, you no longer put them on a pedestal or pit and no longer get in authentic. You just love them. You just embrace them too, because you realize that they're just you. I mean, that is that is fascinating. The fact that the process that you undertook is mind blowing. And I'm I know, our listeners are thinking, Where did you get the time? Right? Like, you know, that's, that's the biggest thing that everyone always says right now, I know, I probably know the answer, right? Because it's the same answer I would give, but I rather than it rather than me verbalize what I'm thinking? Do you want to comment on that statement? You know, to those people that are sitting there saying, I just don't have the time to do that? Well, it depends on their mission. You know, I'm on a mission to be a teacher in a human behavior fields. So that would be pertinent to me, if I was going to be a hockey player, that may not be pertinent to me. You know, it depends on so I had the values that aligned with doing some crazy thing like that. But I realized that whatever I was judging another people. Last time I was I was talking to myself as I was judging him and I was going to, you know, and I was aware of it. I would tell people, you ought to be doing this. I think I'm talking to myself here. And I thought I thought you know, this is this is kind of crazy. So whatever I'm seeing in them, I have in me and when I realized that when I'm when I'm too proud If you're too humble to admit what I see, and others inside me, I'm automatically just owning myself and being inauthentic. So once I got that, I was I don't know, I was 28 years old or something. Once I got that, I realized, why wait and have to react to 1000s of people over my life and learn it by trial and error, why not have a preemptive strike and just go to the dictionary and figure out these behaviors and find out what they are. And then when somebody pushes your button, you already own the trade. So you don't you don't have the button. You know, button is only a disowned trait. That's all it is. It's when somebody makes you feel good or feel bad. It's only because it's reminding you of something you're too proud to. too proud or too humble to admit you got when you finally own it. Okay. I had a lady come up to me and says, You're a terrible father. And I said, Why do you say that? So we hardly see your kids. And he said, Why would you want a terrible father seeing his kids? Ah, I had a great response. She goes, Oh, you have an answer for everything? Well, that's my job. I'm the teacher. And you know, and she said, Well, you with another guy come to me and says, You're right, just, you know, really, you know, I so thank Thank you. Because if I didn't have that, I would be full of crap. And I need that part too. And I just learned that no matter what anybody says, it was true, might as well use it and take it, don't take it personal. And boy did that allow me to defuse a lot of stuff that people were trying to use to try to distract all of our distractions or things we infatuated resent all the impulses and instincts of the amygdala, the amygdala assigns a valency, and causes us in our hippocampus to remember all of the judgments stored in our subconscious mind. All of those are meaningless. And they're just imbalances that we haven't owned. If we own them, they don't run our lives. So I'm a firm believer in taking the time to clear those out. That's why develop the Demartini method to clear those baggage that baggage out. So you can just own the traits and get on with your life. I always say at the level of the Soul, nothing's missing in you, at the level of the senses, things appear to be missing. And the things that appear to be missing are all the things you're too proud or too humble to admit you have, that you see in other people. And that judgment is what leads to the emptiness and voids that we have in life. And our love is what brings our fulfillment. So we're here to love. And we're here to take the path that is most effective and efficient, and dissolving the voids and helping us have fulfillment life. That's why our highest value is so crucial to have fulfillment life. Because it's the most objective and we're objective, and we're neutral, we're not judging. I mean, that is if we do if we do the most important thing each day, and we stick to the highest priorities, we have the most fulfillment. And if all of a sudden we come home and there's chaos at home, we don't react. But if we don't do priorities, and we're putting out fires all day, and we come home with a bunch of emotional stuff, we're going to react, because we're not we're in our amygdala, we're not in our executive function where we have self governance and executive functioning. That is, that is, it's, it's it, I look, as I said, I, the way you you're able to convey, like you as I'm listening to you, and I'm hoping our listeners are doing the same. You know, we have a lot of very successful business people that listen to the podcast. And by success, I don't mean wealth, I mean, as human beings, giving philanthropists and, and what I what I think everyone will or I'm thinking rather than speaking on other people's behalf, is I'm seeing glimpses of my behavior in my life as you speak. Right. And I think, you know, I always talk about self reflection, self awareness being one of the most powerful gifts that we have, or abilities that we have. And and it's undervalued and never really taught, right? I mean, business schools are now finally starting to put a lot of emphasis on, you know, as a great leader, you want to be a level five leader, you know, I think Jim Collins kind of no really started that trend with his research at Stanford. And yeah, that was what in the 90s and it's taken so long for people to acknowledge, right, but as you speak, I'm being so aware. And I'm thinking myself, wow, you know, putting people on pedestals is, is something that I you know, I once did in a relationship, and it almost destroyed me. And when you were talking, I thought to myself, well, I've done all the reflection and all the, you know, I've done all the bits and pieces I needed to do to truly understand that thing because I wanted to understand it. Like, you know, I love I'm just trying to understand why I've done the things that I've done, you know, the lot of stupid shit in my life. And I've always wanted to understand why did I do that? And you know, I'm Know that the beginning of my life, I kept seeking validation from everyone. And that's why I went in search of victories right of achievement. And when you lose everything, and you wake up one day, and you go and find your purpose in life, and you don't mind, I love teaching, I absolutely love it. It's, it's something that inspires me, that drives me. But I still lack the discipline, and maybe it's imposter syndrome. But you know, I lacked the discipline, that real focus discipline, because I'm still deeply an entrepreneur. Right? So I'm constantly looking for the next thing. And it's only been in the last few years since I had children, we're not iron, since my wife had children. And that that focus has really become more singular, because you start to value your DT value. So how will I really want to be a great father, but I'm not born to be a great parent. It's not, it's not so much in my makeup. Because, you know, I've got to fulfill all these other things that I've got to do. But at the same time, I want to be there for my children. And so it's about finding this balancing act. But it's just, you know, as you speak, I've got 1000 things going through my head, because they've just been thought prompt us constantly. But if I may, how do you align? And this is, this is a very selfish question. Okay. How do you then align the psychology and our soul? Right, so how do we bring together our mind and our heart center? Right, I'm I'm really big on intuitive intuition and setting intent. And, you know, I do a lot of meditation. You know, something I couldn't do. Dr. Demartini, like, you know, two minutes of meditation for me was, was like a lifetime of work. Now, it's an hour, right? And it's in it's quite easy for me to get into a state. But how for our listeners, how do we, how do we kind of align out the way we think, to our heart? Okay, a perfectly calibrated mind opens the heart. Mind, anytime the mind is polarized, with an infatuation or resentment, the hearts closes. Yeah. And many people confuse infatuation with an open heart. And this is what's misled. So many people, they get a dopamine rush. And I think that's an open heart. There the you have what is called different types of brainwaves. And the beta brainwaves, which are about 13 cycles per second up. And the delta waves which are around three cycles, or lower, have a midpoint when they're completely balanced with an Alpha Theta cycle, which is around eight. When they occur, a special thing in the brain occurs, a gamma wave occurs, and synchronicity throughout the brain occurs, a phase locking of the brain. When this occurs, a eureka moment AHA occurs. And not only does it do that, it also synchronizes in a rhythm with the heart itself. Because the parasympathetic goes on for the Delta, the sympathetic goes on for the beta. But you put those in perfect balance, you get a perfect autonomic, which allows the sinoatrial node at the inter cardiac network to synchronize the heart and the heart feels ludie it feels like it opens. Because there's a synchronicity between that and a phase locking in the brain, they lock together. In that moment, you get tears in your eyes of gratitude, you get a Eureka, you get an insight, and you discover the hidden order in what was once apparent chaos, from a judgment. So anytime we bring autonomics into balance, anytime we bring our mind into balance, we open our eyes. We have a mystical experience in some case. Now, I'd like to talk about intimacy for a second, because you talked about it. Most people think of intimacy they think of, you know, making love or something. But that's not really what intimacy is because some people can make love like, you know, it's not really an intimate, yeah, we see eye to eye Heart to Heart or you got the Canadian mounting reflex. You know, it depends on what type of meeting you're doing. But I want everybody to just think about this. Anytime you're looking down on somebody and resenting them and puffing yourself up, and projecting your values onto them and weighing them to change, and you're too proud to admit what you see them inside you and you have a disowned part. That disowned part separates you from them. And that proud and looking down on them separates you from them, there's no intimacy, there's an ecstasy if I want to come up with a word. But then when you infatuate with somebody and put them on a pedestal, and are too humble to admit, what you see in them is idea. And now you're minimizing yourself and exaggerating them, you're also distant, you're also disowning a part, and those disowned part is a void and emptiness. That's why anytime you judge somebody, you have emptiness. But the moment you realize that what you've seen them, the seer you, the seeing and the scene are the same. And you're not too proud or too humble to admit what you have, that you see in them, you see that they're equal, and you have equanimity within yourself and equity between you and them. In that moment, you're not minimizing you're not exaggerating, see, you're authentic. And you're not separating and disowning anything you own. Whatever you see in them, you have pure reflective awareness. Now there's no void or separation between you and them. That's true intimacy. True intimacy is pure reflective awareness. If you're a reflective awareness, in that state, if you do make love, it's mystical. It's i It's hard to heart, you're present. You cannot be present when you're judging. Because you're going to be worried about what's going to happen in the future. or feeling guilty about the past, you're going to be in emotions, there's a difference between emotions which are polarized, and truth, synthesize transcendental feelings, which are the ones that allow you to have true intimacy. So there's an art a science to intimacy. And it's in I teach people how to ask a series of questions. For instance, if you're judging somebody and you're resenting somebody, if you ask the question, what specific trait action or inaction do I perceive this individual displaying or demonstrating that I dislike or despise most, and narrow it down to what it is that they're doing that you're too proud to admit you're doing it you think somehow is causing more drawbacks and benefits to your awareness, it's challenging your values, then you go inside and reflect, John, go to a moment when when you perceive yourself displaying or demonstrating the same specific trade action or inaction that you perceive in them. Now, most people who are proud in our amygdala wants to be addicted to pride and pretend like oh, I don't do that, I would never do that. Those people don't grow. But when they actually go in there and hold yourself accountable, and I've done this, over 100,000 people and just the predictor, when they go and identify, you will not perceive and other people, any behavior that you don't have. And any behavior you resent in them is nothing more than a reminder of something you've done in the past you feel ashamed of and they're reminding if that's why you're wanting to avoid them. And any behavior that you admire in them is representing a part of you that you're proud of, but too humble to admit that you've done. But when you actually hold yourself accountable to go find out where you did when you did it, who did you demonstrate it to and who perceives you the same way as you're perceiving them. And keep doing that until the quantity and quality are equal, you've leveled the playing field. You're no longer too proud or too humble to admit that you have it. And you just busted the illusion that they are different than you. And you now got yourself back into authenticity, self reflection, pure reflective awareness back into love and the voids of what you have been disowning are gone, and now the fulfillment comes. And this is increased in probability the second you live by highest values because highest values are more objective in the brain less subjectively biased, and more reflective. That's why the executive center in the forebrain systems to thinking is way more powerful at reflective awareness than the amygdala is emotional response of hindsight, and survival. If you want to thrive, it's reflective awareness that gives you thrival. And meditation can lead to that. Over time, it can lead to that if you're if your intention is for reflective awareness, it can lead to that. But if you are judging something you're automatically polarizing. I always say the, the animal mind will automatically polarizing and polarizable is divided the individuals label the and labels name the inevitable and separate in separate bowls inside the human psyche, which then divide the full consciousness into conscious and unconscious habits, which robs us of our fulfillment. I'm not going to even try and repeat that last sentence. That was his, in terms of words, but I really love this pure reflective awareness and, and how it links to authenticity, and ultimately fulfillment. And thank you for sharing that. I'm I know, am I correct to say that is in secret number four, that you talk about intimacy, and the power of intimacy and sort of, I'm just thinking of anyone who's got the book that might want to be able to go back, but I know you talked about intimacy, love and family dynamics in that in that chapter, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're thinking, you know, as long as we're superior to our spouse, and thinking that our values are more important than theirs. And we're careless in our communication and talking down to them, we're going to have futility. Because they're not feeling appreciated, and were cocky. And anybody who's above equilibrium, and projecting values onto people will eventually be castrated and knocked down and challenged, and humbled pride before the fall. Because that's not what's at all the symptoms in our relationship are feedback mechanisms to guide us back into authenticity, where we're level, you know, when you're looking for a maid, if you're with somebody that you think is inferior to you, you keep your options open, because she can't, this isn't a match. And if you feel that they're way above you, and you're infatuated with them, you're enamored, and then you end up they often usually go off with somebody else, because they're not a match. So you know, teaches you to find a match and it because then you have a bantering that goes on. But if you're if you're talking down to somebody, or talking up to somebody, you're not talking across to somebody, there's no dialogue as alternating monologues, no dialogue. And it's the dialogue and the bantering of people that can both support and challenge each other in a balanced way that builds relationship. When you're infatuated. Some of you are afraid to say the downsides because you want to lose them. If you're resentful them you don't want to mislead them with all the positives. Because you already know this isn't a long term relationship. But if you're having somebody that's really a match, you are able to bring out the fullness of both sides of your nature, your positive and your negatives, and you can just be yourself. And people want to be whole, they want to be loved for that. And that's why reflective awareness and true intimacy. And the having a balanced state is what allows people to have fulfillment. I think you're I would I wouldn't know I was just thinking about my wife, Lucy, and our relationship when he was saying that now, everybody knows that I'm incredibly vulnerable. I'm always happy to share where I'm at. And, you know, I always believed that Lucy and I was just well meant to meet. And, you know, I never believed in the whole love at first sight. You know, I was happily single in my mid 30s. And then I met Lucy, and I just went, Wait a minute, this is the woman I want to marry. And I'll never forget, I went home and I said, Mom, went over to my mother's house for dinner. I said, I met the woman I want to marry. And she just laughed. She's like, I don't believe this. And I said, No, I do. Now I've just got to find her again, right, because we just met. And nine months later, we got together we met and but all the things you said, you know, it really resonate, because we have a very mutual respect for one another that, you know, we always try and avoid diminishing each other's positions, you know, and we're always she's always trying to lift me up and I'm always lifting her up, you know, and I don't mean that as a negative. I mean that as a positive. We're always encouraging each other, to follow our dreams, our aspirations, and we try and do them together. And, and I think for us, that really works because it you summed it up, we're not diminishing one another. We're not. We don't put each other on a pedestal. We treat each other as equals. I mean, you know, I have the privilege and honor that 85% of my clients are women, successful women who have families and successful marriages and I always say to myself, and my team sodomy, Christian, how is it you attract all these women in your life, and they're all stable, successful, compassionate and kindness it will like it attracts like, right? You know, that's always been my theory is that, you know, I put myself out there as my authentic self, as much as I can I make a lot of mistakes being my authentic self. And now I can truly say, I also agree that it's fine to make those mistakes, because I'm not going to judge myself. Right? That's who I am, you know, I, I have said things in the past that I embellished and an embellishment landed me on front page of a newspaper. Fun, I did it, I have to own it, I have to move on. Right? You know, and the reality of it is you learn from those experiences and you realize, hang on a minute, why did I do that? Why did I say that. And at that moment, in time, I realized that I was feeling very insecure about myself. I am, I felt, you know, kind of my grandmother, who was my closest person and mentor, just passed away the day before, and I was giving a keynote in front of some five 600 people. And I made this comment, and it was just on the fly. And, you know, we're now listening to this. And I realized that again, I dealt with it, but I wasn't aware that I was dealing with it in a method that you have validated and put science behind and, and theory, and it's probably through the books that I read that you've written, that I actually did that subconsciously. Does that make sense? And clearly not at the level that you would do it. But I think it's so powerful. Just listen to you being able to say that, because, and I hope that everyone listening today is a and if you read Dr. Demartini, his work, that this is really hitting some notes. Because, you know, this this idea of, you know, self reflection. Today, I think, for many listeners, and for me, and particularly the pure, reflective awareness, it just takes what we do to another level, right? I'm conscious that we're going to run out of time. And I don't want to I don't want to run out of time without asking you some quick, some other questions. So I hope that you can indulge me. What was your biggest failure? So in terms of and failure, whatever that might mean to you, but what was your biggest failure? And what did you learn from that experience? Well, I filter life, I don't use the term success or failure. Always, the idea of success is a deep purposing language. And failure is a repurposing language. I see them as two homeostatic feedback responses, that's all. But I did have a test that I took when I was 18 years old, that I got a 27 on that I needed to have a 72 to pass. And I got a 27. And when I got that test, that was the first test I ever tried to take in college. And when I got to 27. And I kept looking for as my name was my name, and I couldn't find it. It was down at the bottom all by myself. I was bit distraught. And I was embarrassed. Because I didn't want that to be seen. You know, who's this guy that's down there. That's not even the rest of the charts up here. And I remember going to my car, and crying and driving home crying. And I curled up in a fetal position underneath his Bible stand in my sunken living room at my mom's house, a parent's house. And really having a low moment, thinking, maybe I don't have what it takes, after all, maybe I won't be able to read, write or communicate. go very far in life, like my teacher told me. And was really having a soaking moment assuming what maybe I'm just going to go back and surf because I know I can do that. And my mom came home from shopping and she saw me on the floor crying. She hadn't really seen me cry for a long time because you know, I left home when I was 13 and all of a sudden she sees me they're crying some what happened? What's wrong? I said, Mom, I've I've failed my test. I got a 2790 to 72 just to pass. That's a big jump. I said I guess I don't have what it takes. I guess I won't be able to read, write or communicate or never amount to then go very far in life. That she just pause for a second. As I was running my little ranting story for a second and feeling down. And then she said something that only a mother could say She said, Son, whether you become a great teacher, and travel the world, like your dream. When you return to y and write giant waves like you've done or returned to the streets, and Panhandle as a bum, what you've also done, I just want to let you know that your father and I are going to love you, no matter what you decide to do. Now, when she said that, I need to hear that that was a moment of unconditioned love, no judgment, no superiority or inferiority. I'm over authenticity. She was grateful she had love. And when she did that, my hand into a fist spontaneously. And I looked up, in my mind, and I saw the vision I saw the night I met Paul Bragg, me standing in front of a million people speaking. And I said to myself, I'm in a master's in called reading and studying and learning. I'm gonna mask this thing called speaking and teaching. And I'm going to do whatever it takes, I'm gonna travel whatever distance I'm gonna give what, pay whatever price whatever it takes to cross this world, and share my mission and message. And I'm not gonna let any human being on the face of that or stop me, not even myself. And I had this moment where human sovereignty and divine providence met. Where there was a feeling that there is no option. There is no turning back, we're moving forward. I got up and I hugged my mom. And I walked into my room. And I got the funk and Wagnalls dictionary out. And I made a commitment to memorize 30 words a day. And I started to go to work. And my mom was gracious enough to help me and make sure that 30 words a day, were memorized, I had to spell them properly. I had to pronounce them properly, I had to put them in a sentence that had meaning. And this was not easy for dyslexia. And I had to go through there and make sure that it was flawlessly done. And I would not go to bed until that was done 30 words a day. And I grew vocabulary 30 words a day. wasn't very long before I was starting to pass school. And then not only passed, but start to excel. And then not only excel, but for some reason started to attract students that wanted me to teach him. They saw that there was a commitment and a determination to learn. That was different than a lot of the students. A lot of kids in school and college, were going there because the parents said you need to go and they weren't really sure where they wanted to go and just passing school you this kind of thing, partying. I didn't care about that. I wanted to learn. So I lived in the dictionary. I lived in the encyclopedia, I lived in the library. And I started reading. And just months on I was getting ready to turn 19. And my mom said to me, Son, Son, what do you want for your birthday for Christmas? Because I was born on Thanksgiving Day. I said, Mom, I want the greatest teachings on the face of the earth, the greatest writing humanity's ever created from the greatest minds who ever lived. She said, You sure you don't want a t shirt? And I said, I said no. I want the greatest teachings on the face of the earth. She said, Well, let me see what I can do. So she called her brother who's a professor at MIT, was a chemist and physicist, very bright guy. Uncle Ralph, we called him and he told well, she told him what my dream was. I'm not sure how he did it. But he said to giant six foot by six foot by six foot wooden crates on a flatbed truck to our house. I went out with a crowbar when they put them on the ground and unloaded them out of the ground and opened up these crates and carried 1000s of books into my room and filled my room and stack these books and started to go to work. They were in every imaginable field, science, religion, philosophy, mechanics, optics, astronomy, chemistry. And I started to devour every one of those books. I just wanted to understand the laws of the universe, and how it related to human behavior and how to maximize human awareness and human potential on the planet and in the world. So my so called failure, which I don't believe there is such a thing, it's just feedback was a an important moment in my journey. to catalyze a clarity of determination of what's really priority. Whenever you feel that you have a failure, it's because you're infatuated with success. And whenever you're infatuated with success and fearing failure, you're in your amygdala. A real executive mission, a real primary objective, embraces the pleasures and pains of both sides of the pursuit. So you don't get attached to the pleasure you don't get attached to the, to the pain, you don't label it success or failure, because you understand that there's going to be both. You know, when you go to Mars, like, Elon Musk goes to Mars. He knows he's going to have 1000 setbacks, he knows he's going to have it. And he's anticipating that and mitigating the risk of fantasies. The executive center is designed to transform fantasies into true objectives, and fantasies or, and nightmares as the amygdala, and I classify of success and failure in that category. So I'm not interested in those titles. I don't call myself a successful man. I call myself a man on a mission. And my mission embraces both of those suppose and feedback mechanisms to guide me to something more meaningful. So I'm a man with meaning, a man with a mission. And the idea of successes is as Keo from Coca Cola Company says, the second you think your success, you're on your way down? Yeah, you've limited your view, you've compared yourself to other people, instead of focusing on your mission. So I'm a I'm a man on a mission. i People like to label me success and failure, but I don't get distracted by those labels, because they're, they're unproductive. I see myself as, as just a man that keeps the phonics ticking away at doing what I love doing. And you could certainly see it and hear it and I'm, I know that we're just about out of time. And I know that you are sailing it across the deep sea, and, or the Red Sea. And and I know that you've given up a lot in an hour of your time. And I'm very grateful. What I'd love to do. Before I let you go, is we got to do a Fast Five. So five questions. very spontaneous. Ish. So, Dr. Demartini, what makes you feel inspired? making another discovery of the laws of the universe and sharing it in a way that brings tears to people's eyes. Amen. That's awesome. What is the best compliment that you've ever received? Thank you. And if you could be remembered for one thing, just one thing, what would that be? My method, the Demartini method on transforming whatever you perceive in the way and perceiving it on the way to help you find that hidden order and the apparent chaos in your life, that dyad out of the 40 some books that you've written, which one is the best book recommendation you would give to someone that doesn't know your method right now? I still think that the values Factor Book is probably the most well rounded contribution to somebody's life that I've written. I just came up with a new book. It's about to come out any day now. It's called the resilient mind that I think will also be a value to people. Okay, it has the method and also the outcome. But I think the values factor is something that every human being can benefit by, regardless of who they are. Absolutely. And finally, and probably not a question you're gonna want to answer or like to answer, but if you could have a billboard with anything on it, what would it say and why? No matter what you've done or not done, you're worthy of love. I love it. I love it. Well look, Dr. John Demartini, it has been an absolute pleasure. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart, it's been an absolute pleasure to have you on the show. And thank you. And I want to take this time to thank all of our listeners, we value you. And we know that there are hundreds of 1000s of podcasts that you could be listening to, but you listen to ours. And I want to make sure that you visit the show notes. Because Dr. Demartini has some free gifts for our podcast listeners. There's a workbook on empowerment. There's some free master classes. And there's also the Demartini determination value process that you'll be able to download as well. But I invite you to purchase his latest book that was launched in October, I believe, the seven secret treasure, it is a transformational blueprint for a well lived life. And, and I did in early November, and I can't recommend it enough. And we got to listen to some of the things that are in that book. And also encourage you to look at the other recommendation, which is the value factors book but also keep an eye out for the resilient mind which I'm sure he's going to be a tremendous, tremendous book, a massive shout out to my team, because they put up with me and also to Dr. Demartini steam for connecting us and putting us together and to all of you. Until next time, live with purpose.