Ashley On - Dealing with Grief and Loss with Siobhan Maguire

We welcome Siobhan Maguire back to the show to discuss how to deal with grief and loss in these trying times.  Siobhan is a cancer surviver who healed herself through the power of faith and now helps others through her work at HealthySelfTherapy.com.  Siobhan's faith-based work is focused on helping her clients eliminate fear and learn how to forgive themselves.  Enjoy the show!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:00

Hello and welcome to

SPEAKER_00: 0:24

the show. Today's show we Welcome back, Siobhan McGuire. And we talk today a lot about how to deal with grief and loss. It's a topic that I think is very relevant for a lot of us who've, you know, in this days of negativity that are happening, if we've lost a loved one or we've lost a job or we've lost a home or whatever it may be, and we're experiencing grief, there's the five stages you have to go through. Siobhan actually shares a some quite insightful tips and guidance that I hope can help anybody that's listening to this or anybody that wants to forward this along to someone in their family who is dealing with grief and loss. I hope you enjoy the show. Thank you so much. focused around strategy, leadership, and team development, as well as AI implementations to streamline effectiveness or marketing solutions or app development, and then leadership development from our Fire and Rain leadership development team, focused on executive leadership experiences and experiential learning. Check it out, morrisonalley.com. Thanks. Hi, Siobhan McGuire. Welcome to the show. Welcome back.

SPEAKER_03: 1:38

Oh, thank you for having me back again. It's wonderful to be here this evening.

SPEAKER_00: 1:42

Awesome to talk to you. I wanted to talk to you today about grief and loss. We touched on this after we wrapped up our last segment together a little bit and wanted to follow up. So thank you for joining today. And with that, I'll turn it over to you. I

SPEAKER_03: 1:57

mean, grief and loss is something that every single one of us is going to have to deal with in some stage in our life. And grief and loss to me comes naturally. in a number of different forms. Obviously the very first thing that comes to mind is the loss of a member of our family. Also it can come as the loss of a pet, beloved pet, but also the loss of something that we've put an emotional energy into that we have an investment of some sort in. So it can be the loss of a relationship, the loss of marriage, the loss of a job. A number of people actually experience that feeling of grief or loss when they retire from a job they've worked in for a long number of years. And grief can be experienced very much on an individual level, but then there can be group grief. So, you know, if an act of God, an earth movement or something happens and there's... know a big event a big earth event there can be some quite large loss of lives and then there's a group feeling of loss uh and grief as well so it can be quite complex uh grief and um i

SPEAKER_00: 3:09

mean just grief just grief for humanity is that yeah i mean just thinking about like the world and the negativity and sometimes i feel that uh myself just Yeah,

SPEAKER_03: 3:20

I guess grief can be decided. I mean, there's an overall feeling, I think, at the minute, there's a lot of sadness in the world. And that sadness is connected to sort of a depression. And I mean, the reality is, it feels like our human bodies are actually dying. And the reality is that we are dying. Our material body is actually changing into a light body. So our physical body is going through a death and a rebirth, which is a painful process. And also, you know, Gaia Earth is transforming as well. So there's a big shift at the minute. It's massive. So there is a death process going on. in humanity and also mother earth. And there's been a big rebirth. So people are talking to me. I know my own channel about God, Siobhan, is this the end of the world? And I go, it is. And there's lots of people who said it's the end of the world as we know it. It's, it's, it's, it's an ending, but it's also a rebirth of something much more beautiful to come. And I think a lot sooner than, than people think. But just on a, on a personal perspective, just talking about my own experience of grief in my life and, I mean, I'm 54 now and I would say, you know, I've been through quite a bit of grief. I mean, I grew up in Northern Ireland in the 1970s and it was a war zone. You know, there was, we were in, it was an occupation really of the British military was there. So I grew up, you know, with military around us and, you know, incendiary devices going off and bombs and, you know, groups of people being killed. And so it became a sort of an everyday type of thing. It was an expected thing. And I remember only being six years old and we got off the school bus and within 10 minutes, there was a massive explosion and our school bus was actually blown up and the driver with it. So I guess from a young age, I was conditioned, should we say, to, you know, that death was a very real thing. And it wasn't something I was ever, I would say, scared of. It became more, I guess, of the norm. But I guess I grew up on a house that my parents were Catholic. And so I grew up with a very strong belief in God and faith. I know in Ireland as well and communities in Ireland, I think it's very important when we look at how people deal with grief, we're all very different in how we deal with it. And I know what really helped me through personal grief in my life was the faith I had that I was actually born into. But not only that, in Ireland, there's such a celebration of death. Because, you know, when somebody dies in Ireland, the whole world seems to descend, the whole country seems to descend on the household where the grief is. And there seems to be huge support and also a celebration of the life of that person. And it is seen as a celebration with lots of laughter and music and joy generally associated with it. So to me, it was quite a healthy aspect of the death process and of the grieving process was seeing the celebration of the life that was just lost. So I guess it's very much, I think how one deals with grief is very dependent on the initial programming as a child. So I guess, number one, I didn't feel when somebody passed, it was the end of them. To me, they went to another place. And I know, and I guess Irish households, there was a lot of superstition as well, but we were very much... I grew up in a house that it was quite normal for the spirits of loved ones to come back and talk to you or leave a message or angels coming and seeing a feather or little pennies was going to be a message from heaven from a loved one. So I grew up in that sort of tradition. And to be honest, that did help me through the grieving process. And I know when it was 2016, I lost my dad. In the February, I lost my sister in the June and I lost my mom in the September. So within six months, it was it was bang, bang, bang. So it was that was quite tough. And then in the December of that same year, so just within 10 months, I lost my 15 year old Labrador dog. He was like my first baby. And people go, gosh, I mean, to be honest, that was. That was the icing on the cake. That was the biggest thing that really knocked me because she was there with me every day. That dog went everywhere with me. But that was the big crescendo for me. That hit me hard. That hit me so hard. Whereas I guess I could start to, I was rationally, I guess because of my belief, my faith, I could rationalize my father was 77. He died very quickly. He was diagnosed in November and he died in February of cancer. My sister then died in June of cancer. She'd been diagnosed a number of six, seven, eight years before that. And so there was an expectation. And then my mum was nearly 80. So I guess in my head, I had, there was an expectation built up there that it was coming. So there was a preparation to that. And then my dog was out of the blue, but that was literally, I would say the straw that broke the camel's back because I'd been very strong the whole way through until that happened. And I still, I would say, people would say to me, gosh, Yvonne, you must have the heart of a lion. How can you keep going? How can you keep functioning? And again,

SPEAKER_00: 9:10

I think- How did you go through that?

SPEAKER_03: 9:13

The very first thing I would say to people is have a reason to keep going. And my reason to keep functioning was I had two young children. I had a six-year-old and a nine-year-old and they needed me. So I had a purpose. I had a reason to still get up every morning and look after them. So I guess at that stage, I was going through the first, they talk about the five stages of grief and the first being that denial. Yes, this has happened, but I busy myself doing something else and resisting, I guess, looking at the reality of what has just happened, you know, because there's only so much. the human psyche can deal with it at one time. But it was then at that stage, we actually moved countries. So I actually moved with my then husband and my two children from Ireland to England. And that's when it started to hit me because it wasn't just, it was, I then lost my home. that familiar surroundings. So it was a whole new group of friends, a whole new different community. So again, it was change, change, change. So that was monumental, really. So it was just adding another layer of trauma, to be honest, because I would say at that stage, I was very much functioning. Put it this way, I couldn't afford too much pressure at that stage. I literally was able to get up out of bed, focus on my kids, get my kids out the door, but give me too much more stress. And there's no way I could have, I could have coped with anything else, but I still was very much able to be capable, functional, rational at that stage. But I knew, right, please don't give me anything else, you know, to deal with. But yeah, I would feel my father's presence very strong around me. I'd feel my mother's presence very strong around me because I've just had that strong faith my entire life. And that was a great comfort. I could feel their energy. Sometimes I'd wake up in the morning, I'd feel my father standing by my bed, really. And I knew I was incredibly close with him and I was incredibly close with my mum. So I knew they were with me and supporting me and also supporting me with the kids as well. But I would say then it was only a matter of months later. My marriage fell apart. And to me, that was the ultimate. I actually went into, I would say, post-traumatic stress then. Because it's like your whole foundations in your life now have been ripped apart. So I would say the next two years of my life were the toughest years of my life. Because... It was like I had to start from scratch again. And a good friend of mine said this, and it's so, so true. Sometimes you have to become nothing to become something more. And I literally, my heart was in a thousand pieces on the floor and I had to figure out how am I going to put this heart back together? How on earth am I going to put this heart together? And the thing is, I had to acknowledge that my heart was broken. I had to acknowledge that this had happened. So I was moving out of the stages of denial going, you know, this is very real. And then you move into the anger stage. Why? Why is this happened to me? Even talking to God, what have I done so wrong for this to have happened? This is way too much for any human to possibly try and bear. And it's not really when I look back on it, it was a process. And And I wouldn't be who I am today. And I wouldn't be able to help people the way I do today until I had gone through this whole process myself. And what I would say to people is that I had to take, I would say it was like being a caterpillar. I had to go into a chrysalis. I had to completely rebuild myself. And number one, I had to be incredibly gentle with myself because it's very easy to go into the guilt, the shame, the blame, you go into that lower vibrational mode and you don't want to go there because you'll go into a state of depression. And I would say at both of just, only for my kids, I would say sometimes I'd go, what's the point of all of this? I've lost everything. And then I thought, no, I haven't. I got the gold in the marriage. I got my two kids. And they were the two cornerstones that literally helped build me back up again. I had got these two gifts in God. And I remember the day I actually I actually left my marriage. My daughter, we were walking up the road and she was only six years old and she was swinging my hand. She was skipping and she says, don't worry, mom, we came here to rescue you. And I remember the immediate feel of guilt to me. This is my six year old daughter who I'm supposed to protect, who I'm supposed to provide for and nurture. And she's saying to me, don't worry, mom, we came here to rescue you. But they were they were my strength. My kids were my strength and they helped lift me up and give me purpose every day to keep going. And I did. And it was like brick by brick. I rebuilt my house again. But some days it was hard. to do more than just get them out to school and keep them going or whatever, because you have to allow yourself and it's very easy to deny it, but you have to allow yourself to grieve. You have to let yourself feel the pain and you have to sit in that emotion and allow yourself to feel it and to release it. Because otherwise, I mean, that, you know, if you don't allow yourself to shed those tears, you know, the organs are going to weep. If you keep that pain suppressed, it's going to cause the organs to weep. So it's so important to allow yourself to feel the pain and to release it, to acknowledge it, because you can stay the whole time in that denial stage, which is stage one, because you want to come out the other side of it. But you'll never be the same again. And I know anybody who's lost mom and dad, it doesn't matter what age you are. And I was I was 48 years old when I lost mom and dad. And That's old. But I was orphaned that year. I felt my life will never be the same again. Because when you have mom and dad, it doesn't matter how old you are. You have somewhere to run to. You know, there's someone that has your back. No matter what happens, somebody has your back. But they were gone. You know, so my runaway place was I had been taken away, you know. And that was a massive thing. It was like a huge chapter. It didn't feel like the chapter of my life. My whole book of my life had closed over. And I had to start again. I had to open a completely different book. So I would say, like, I'm 54 now. I feel, you know, through a number of stages in my life of going through cancer in my early years now, I feel I'm on my fourth incarnation within this one lifetime. There's been some very distinct chapters in my life. But When I look back now, they have made me so strong because when I look back now, I go, God, if I knew I was this strong, what would I have done in my life at certain stages? And it makes you stronger. And they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And it really is true because you really realize, you know, I think that when you have a heart of love, when that heart is broken, when it comes back together, It is so much more compassionate. It is so much more empathy. You have so much empathy for people. I mean, I need to have empathy. Like I'm a therapist and work, but when people come to me with stuff now, you know, I can understand where they're at. I can empathize where they're at and I can give them hope. Listen, you're going to go through a process and you are going to come out the other side. And you have to allow yourself to experience this physical emotion. because we all have to go through it. It's part of the human construct. It's part of the human experience and it's a necessary process of, you know, death and rebirth again. And I mean, I know when I'm, you know, I'll give an example of, you know, how beautiful it is sometimes, like in my work, I'm able to channel in spirit from the other side and something very profound this year, there was a lady had come to me and she'd lost her very young child. And she couldn't move on in her life. She just absolutely stuck. And that's what we call in the therapy world, complicated grief. When somebody is finding it very hard to function after six or 12 months, right? This is running a bit longer than the normal process of, you know, people having shifted along the process. They're stuck. They're stuck in that denial. They're in anger and they can't get out of that stage. And she was very much at the stage. She just couldn't let her son go. And this is 30 plus years later, you know? So when... we invited in the higher, you know, the, the, the spirit of that child in, it was just to say to anybody, when the spirit of that soul comes in, the love that you feel is immense of a child in the spirit world and your heart can't help, but just, oh my goodness, it's just so incredible. And what her son actually said when he came in, he said, mom, You've got to, we say for exact argument's sake, his name is Joe. Mum, you've got to let the personality of Joe go. That was only one small fragment of who I am as a soul because his soul was still being tethered down to earth and he couldn't move on in the spirit world to do the healing he needed to do to be able to evolve on the other side. So he was like, mum, if you can let Joe go, this aspect, which is only one part of me to be released. then I can come back and assist you energetically as the whole part of me, all these other aspects of me, I can bring in and come back and assist you to make this life easier for me on the other side. And it was such a beautiful message. I thought, how profound was that? And, you know, I... I get this a lot. And sometimes when it's so important to let a loved one be released, you know, to completely acknowledge that they are no longer in the physical. But that doesn't mean we can't feel their energy. We can't feel the vibration and allow ourselves to communicate with them. I mean, I know my dad, you know, my dad has passed eight years now and I still talk to him regularly. I still have conversations with him about things. And I'll go, dad, I need your help with this. I need your help making a decision or whatever. And he comes in as a spirit guide for me now. And a lot of times when we lose a child, they come back into us as a spirit guide. And it's such a beautiful thing. Or we lose a child as a miscarriage or that. They're coming in and they're a spirit guide. They're available as a spirit guide to a mom. And they've such incredible love. for the mom and the family that they were to be birthed into. So from a spiritual perspective, when I do that piece of work with a client, it's so powerful. There's another aspect of grief, and it's really sort of step three. It's that bargaining thing. What if I would have done X, Y, and Z? And there's also guilt and shame, especially if we lose someone and we go, we weren't friends with them before they died. if we had lost the relationship with mum and dad, you know, we'd fallen out with them or, gosh, I should have went to see them. I haven't seen them in three months or six months. There's a lot of that sort of guilt scenario that goes on there as well. And a number of people will come to me and they'll go, I feel guilty. I wasn't there for mum and dad when they passed. So when we invite spirit in, you know, of those souls, it's just amazing. there's not judgment in the other side. They're just so delighted to have communication, you know, and all of that just is released, you know. So wherever, there's no judgment you see on the other side because they're looking down in spirit and they see the bigger picture now, you know. So to me, to me, I look at grief as a necessary thing It's just a necessary part of the human involvement is to experience it. And the reality is that our loved ones are never gone. It's not the last communication. And the thing is when it's time for us to go to the other side as well, and I know this with my work, they're all lined up waiting to welcome us home. And a lot of times, Say, for example, if we were in hospital before we passed, they will come and go and come and go, calling us and coming to prepare us weeks before we even pass. So we're never alone. You know, we're never alone when we die either. You know, there's a whole posse of family waiting on the other side to help us step through that doorway to the other side. And the reality is it is just a doorway. They're on the other side of the doorway. And just because we can't physically touch them. I mean, some days I will go, God, I'd love to have a cup of tea with mom in a chat. I loved having a cup of tea in a chat with my mom, just going over and being able to do that. And some days I go, gosh, I'd give so much to have a cup of tea in a chat with my mom. But still, I talk to her. I'll chat to her. You know, I'll even go down to the sea. And I just look out to the sea and I'll chat to her. And you see times as well, triggering grief. is Christmas, when Christmas is coming, you know, there's not that person sitting at the table and it can trigger all that pain again. And that's just normal. It is because we miss them and we have memories of them and we miss them. And that's a completely normal, natural thing. Or we hear their favorite song or we see the movie on and there's lots of these little triggers, but they're beautiful things as well, you know, because it means they're not gone. They're locked in our soul's memories, you know. So even though they're physically not out there, they've never left us really. They're still in our memories and they're still around us in spirit.

SPEAKER_00: 24:28

So it's really a choice then in terms of how you want to perceive that moment that you're dealing with.

SPEAKER_03: 24:37

Yeah, I think it is. But I think, to be honest, it does depend, I think, on, let's say, using the laws of grief of a loved one, how it happens. I think if it's a very traumatic situation, somebody dies very suddenly in a car accident, oh my God, I can think, or a young child dies, it's so much harder to for us to try and how do we even rationalize that all of a sudden somebody's there that morning having breakfast and then they're gone you know that's challenging I remember a work situation I was working in London and I'm sitting at my desk and the next cubicle a guy he has a heart attack and starts choking in the in the cubicle beside us and and and one minute you know he's chatting on the phone and the next within a couple of minutes, he's lying on the floor, you know, and that's how quickly, you know, it happens to us. So all the more reason to, you know, life is so precious and every day is so important and it's to live in the present moment. It really, really is because another thing I'd say to people, you know, a grief and loss, it's, you know, one thing the spirit tells me all the time, do not covet things. Because it's very important for us to be aware what is important in our lives, what is necessary in our lives and what else is just wallpaper. You know, what else is just nice to have, not necessities. How many pair of shoes do you really need? How many cars do you need? How many holiday homes do you need? All nice to have, but not necessary. And I think if humanity just, right, you know, if I said, Right, next week, a tidal wave is gonna hit. You need some, you need to get yourself your basics. What is it you really need to get in the car, to go and drive somewhere else to be safe? What do you put in the car? What is it in that bag that's the most important thing to you? Anything else, do not covet. Because I would say the loss of losing those things, even though they weren't absolutely necessary in your lives, You're going to feel that loss a lot more dramatically if you have an emotional attachment to it. You feel you need that. So when they're taken away, if they're ever taken away from you, you're going to feel that loss massively, you know, and from somebody who's been through a divorce and anybody's been through a divorce knows all of a sudden from having a certain house and certain little toys and cars and that all of a sudden everything split down the middle and all those things that were We just they were there one day and they're not there the next day. And you're going, wow, you have a whole new appreciation for things, you know, because we have an expectation that it's always going to be there. And the reality is we do not know what tomorrow is going to hold, what tomorrow is going to bring us, how the world is shifting on a daily basis, an hourly basis at the minute. Who knows what tomorrow brings? So, you know, family is precious. Time is precious. Treat our lives that way, you know. What do I really need? You know, what have I a lot of that I actually could give to those that don't have very much? You know, get some balance, get some perspective in your life. What is necessary and what is just, you have it, you know, to be seen to have it. You know, it's good to keep up with the Joneses and that. It's just, it's really just a reality check. And I think every single one of us now, if we really lift up our heads and look around what's happening in the world, we all need to have a reality check. What is that I actually need in my life and want my life to make me happy? What else is just stuff? And we have an awful lot of stuff, you know. So if we don't covet all these things and give an emotional attachment to these things, if our life suddenly flips overnight, then the sense of loss is dramatically reduced because we don't we're not attached to these things. They're there. But you know what? I don't need them. I don't associate myself with that. It's a nice to have. And it will dramatically reduce the sense of loss if overnight we have to lift and shift and move somewhere else. It will completely make a huge difference to people.

SPEAKER_00: 29:09

Yeah. And I didn't mean, I should say, I didn't mean a choice. It's simply a choice. I didn't mean it that that's really... It's that easy. But it's more like the old adage of be thankful that it happened rather than sad that it's gone. I mean, it's looking at the other side of the coin, in essence, which is a choice. It's just hard to get there, I think, for a lot of people because it's so, like you said, it's so traumatic and so final in a lot of ways to a lot of folks, which I think is part of what you're doing is so wonderful is helping people to realize that it's not final. You know, when you lose someone.

SPEAKER_03: 29:47

Yes. And the reality is when it's our time to go, it's our time to go. And that soul has completed whatever they have needed to complete in this lifetime. So they're on a soul level. They're good to go. So we've got to respect that. That was their chosen moment to leave because I do believe that we do choose the time and we know when we're going on a soul level and when it's our time to go, it's our time to go. And I know at the lowest point of my life, I mean, I didn't know if I was going to be here the next day because I really got to that level. I didn't want to get up and I just thought I can't do another day. And that's when actually Jesus came down and lifted me up out of my body. And when he comes into me and I do channel his vibration, he says to me, thank you, Siobhan, for choosing to stay. Because it is a choice for some, you know, sometimes when we get that low and I would say to people as well, please don't give up on yourself. Just know you can make it through. It is a process and you will come out the other side. And, you know, we go through that, those five stages, you know, it's denial. We go through the anger. Why me? You know, what have I done? You know, we go through the bargaining. What ifs? You know, and then you go through the depression, which is the pain bit, the real pain bit. And as well, what's the point of it all? You know, so you do have to go to these places. It is part of the journey. And then you coming out the other side and you accept it. And your world will never be the same again without that soul in it. It's different. But you evolve, you evolve your life to around that. And they're no longer in the same physical realm as you, but you evolve as a soul. So I know when I had a number of very traumatic things happen to me within a short window of time, I completely had to actually take myself out of, let's say, the normal world. And I had to go into this cocoon around me. It was a protective force around me to really figure out who the hell I was, why I'm here, what am I here to do, and make, understand why I had to try and rationalize why this had happened to me. And you can't rationalize why something like that has happened to you. You've got to feel and understand it's a process. And I knew at that time this was preparing me to do something greater. So I literally had to go through that pain and suffering to, I guess, gain wisdom and to gain strength and to gain courage to come up and out the other side. And I emerged as this butterfly. So much bigger, so much stronger, so much more powerful and colorful than I ever possibly could be if I hadn't gone through that before. So I You know, it makes you stronger and it makes you look at life from a completely different perspective. You know, and if today is my last day, I'm I'm ready. I me myself, I am ready to go home if it is my last day. I guess my only question would be, you know, God, please look after my kids. Because they would be the two that I would say, you know, and I've immediate known sisters as well, but I would go, I just please look after them all. But apart from that, I go, I'm ready to go myself. Because I guess with my work, I've channeled so much of spirit through for people that, you know, when I take people into their soul's records, I've had so much experience with vibration from the other side that I've no fear. Because the reality is there's nothing to fear. There's nothing to fear anymore. passing through another doorway. And it really is. It's your soul's evolvement. You know, you're complete in this life here. What you were here to do is complete. Your time is complete here. And you just evolve and you move through to the other side, you know. And it is the loss. It's always the aftermath that that departure leaves behind. That is the more challenging thing, because you're looking back and you're going, are they going to be OK without me? You know. And that is the one thing that pulls souls back down a little, is that they're concerned about the loved ones that they've left behind. But apart from that, they're very happy to go up, you know?

SPEAKER_00: 34:19

Yeah. No, I feel that anyway, like just in my own personal life, you know, the older my children get, the more, the less of that concern I have, right? Like, I guess I, so I'm more prepared for that. that because i feel like i that they're more prepared um at this point which goes back to your original point that when something happens unexpectedly like that's often much more hard to deal with you know and thankfully i've not had to deal with that in my life i've dealt with more expected types of loss where you know it was the time and my dad passed away of cancer and he had a really horrible blood cancer that uh was very aggressive and it was only about nine months that he lived with that but even that that amount of time gave us all time to come to grips with what was happening so when he did pass we could get to be more you know frankly i got to be more joyous because i felt like he was not in pain anymore and he was yes he was moved on um And I think that, you know, I don't know if you have any other words of wisdom for those who have lost in tragically sudden ways that, you know, obviously you have your counseling that you can do. And I would encourage anybody that's listening that's gone through that to reach out to Siobhan at siobhanmcguire.com to explore this if you're dealing with that. But, you know, Siobhan, like what would you say to someone who, first, you know, the first thing that you would say to someone that had experienced something very sudden that happened? I

SPEAKER_03: 36:01

mean, to me, it is just very important to don't lock yourself away. Don't feel that you have to lock it all inside, you know, that pain. There is a process that we will go through that, you know, that immediate denial. You're in a state of shock. You are in a state of shock initially. But allow you, allow people to support you, allow people to love you and comfort you. It's so important. If it's a group situation, you know, if it's a bigger group tragedy, somewhere work together, be involved in, be involved yourself in something bigger than just you, but bigger than just your own personal grief. If there's a whole group of people experiencing the same thing, join together, work collaboratively to build the new together, to organize each other, to sort each other out, because that will pull you up and through it rather than allowing you to get stuck and paralyzed in that stage of denial, grief and immediate shock. And because that is enough sometimes to even take people themselves. They're in such a state of shock, post-traumatic stress. that they're locked in that. You don't want to do that. If you can help them be part of a bigger piece with other people, that I would say that's a good way, a good way to lift you up and move you along so you're not doing it alone. Because one of the biggest things that going through grief and loss is feeling that aloneness, feeling lonely. You know, go and meet people, go and have a couple with people. Talk about how you're feeling. Don't lock it inside. And people go to me, God, it's been two years since I lost my daughter, two years since I lost my my mom or dad. And God, I don't feel it. But still, I mean, you know, they were always your mom and dad. If you're feeling you need to talk about it, please talk. talk about it to people because grief is not something that goes away. You learn to manage and get through life and you get other things in your life that fill some of the voids that person has left. But life is, you never get over, I would say. You never forget that person. You evolve your life and rearrange your life without them. But nothing's ever the same again without that person. So don't try to pretend that you've shifted on and you're just in a hole and that person's forgotten because that's a state of denial. And why would we want to do that to anybody? It's still honoring the life that that soul was part of our lives, but you just rearrange your life in that you're able to get on and then you're able to bring other things in your life to fill your life. So you know, get involved with some groups. I know initially I actually got involved. I, through work I'd done previously before grief, I used to do flower essences. I actually took some very powerful flower essences, which were all about helping getting over the grief. And then I worked with some drug addicts. One day a week, I volunteered to counsel them and administer a flower essence in them. So by helping them, that was helping me lift myself up and out. So I would say to people, give yourself a purpose, give yourself a bigger purpose than just you to get you up and out every day and just get you back into living your life. Because when you're in that state of grief and loss, you forget to live. You just exist. You exist. Getting through every day in that survival mode is sometimes as much as you can muster. But you want to lift yourself out of that situation and get yourself to a situation that you're starting to live. Even if it's only five minutes a day, 10 minutes a day, you allow yourself to bring joy back into your life because that's what's taken away. We feel a loss of joy in our lives. And it's introducing that back into ourselves. increments back into our life again.

SPEAKER_00: 40:19

What advice would you give to someone who understands that and is trying to find their purpose, but is having a difficult time in doing so?

SPEAKER_03: 40:32

What I would say, find something that gives you, that you enjoy doing. And you know what? I remember when my mom, you know, lost her mom and that, and she would have been close. It was like, My mom used to bake cakes and it gave her joy with people enjoying her cakes. And I know that sounds quite a trivial type thing to do, but that was a basic thing that she did. Well, I'm a good baker and she would make cakes and cakes and cakes and she would gift them to people and that give her great joy. All of a sudden, you know, that give her a purpose, something as simple as baking cakes. You know, it can be the smallest little thing, but it all of a sudden gives you a purpose. And then she started her own little cottage industry at home of making cakes, knitting orange sweaters, making jams, making preserves. So it grew into something bigger. So from taking something as a way of just giving you a purpose and giving you a little bit of joy again, that built up into a cottage industry for her. So it's just fine. It can be the very simplest thing that you get joy in doing that gives you pleasure and just doing that every day. And then you don't know what that can possibly bring into your life. Just don't think it has to be a big thing. Little things that give you joy. The little pleasures in your life are usually always the best anyway. It

SPEAKER_00: 42:05

creates the magic of possibility, it sounds like.

SPEAKER_03: 42:08

Absolutely, absolutely. I think when we lose loved ones or a situation where we've lost a marriage, we have lost a job, something we've invested so much energy, so much time in, and all of a sudden it literally is like the carpet pulled out from underneath of us. We go, what? What am I supposed to be doing? What is my purpose in life? Find something that it could be even going back to childhood. What gave me joy as a child? A hobby, something. You start working on that and it has to be something you enjoy. It has to be something that gives you pleasure. And it doesn't matter what it is. It really doesn't. But you're allowing yourself to put your energy and focus into creating something. And that's really important for us. to create something because we feel we can see something. It's there. We've created it. And that gives us an immediate pleasure, a sense of achievement. It can be something very small, but we created that. You could have painted something. You've created something, you know. So that's what children love that, you know, get them away from the tech and get them creating things. And one way with my daughter, getting her away from the tech was she loved Threads beads together and she makes bracelets for people with their name and little mottos and stuff like that. But she gets great joy creating things now. You know, it's just, you know, it's a great way. It was a great way to distract her as a kid. Instead of being on social media, get her a box of this for Christmas last year. And all of a sudden she's making this thing. She's got a business going on, selling them at school. You know, all of a sudden she's got a purpose for something. You know, and then it's, you know what I mean? So it's just, to me, it's just, it can be something really small, but you're creating something and that gives us satisfaction, soul satisfaction, you know, at a very basic level, you know? No,

SPEAKER_00: 44:10

I think it's fantastic advice. I really appreciate you wanting to do this show to help folks, because I think there are a lot of people that are dealing with grief and loss and across the gamut, whether it's a personal, like you said, either a person or a loved one or a job or a variety of different things that could happen. So I really honor you for asking me to do this show because it was your idea and I want to give you credit for that because I think it's a wonderful sense that you have here. And I hope that our listeners out there that may be going through this can find some peace or forward this along to someone that they know who may need it. Is there anything else that you'd like to share? Yeah, I

SPEAKER_03: 45:02

mean, actually, what I would just say, you see, sometimes it can be just, it's hard for us sometimes when we're in this human body and we're down at street level, we're in the maze of life, for us to make sense as to why somebody was suddenly taken away from us, especially a child. or a big situation where there was a flood and thousands of people were taken away. But when we're able to see from a bigger perspective and spirit, and I've experienced this in my life when I didn't want to be here anymore. I literally, when I was in my last moments and when Jesus literally came down and he energetically lifted me up and showed me the bigger picture from up here, all of a sudden it was so clear why I was going through the pain And suffering down here, I could see the bigger purpose for this. And then all of a sudden it took away the trauma. It took away, oh, I get it now. There's always a bigger picture. So it's trying to lift yourself out of just trauma. you know, the me is the street level. And to see there is a bigger picture, you know, we may not be able to be aware of it now in this physical body, but there is always a purpose to everything. And there's a greater purpose. And every cloud has a silver lining. It really does. And things sometimes don't work out the way we want it into life. But you know what? You don't know what that thing that didn't work out could have saved you from as well. So there always is a plan. There always is a purpose. But I would say one thing to people, the biggest thing to remember is life is a choice. And every time there's a situation that arises and you have to make a choice, you know, there's a number of different possibilities and potentialities for you to choose. You know, what I've been told from Spirit, choose the golden path, choose the path of least resistance. Because a lot of times us humans choose the path of challenge. We really do. You know what? Make it easy for yourself. Choose the one that is golden and lit up. And that's advice that I've been given because sometimes I would go, I'm made of tough stuff. I can handle it. After what I've been through so far, I go, do you know what? I'm choosing the easy path all the way home now. You know what I

SPEAKER_01: 47:26

mean?

SPEAKER_03: 47:27

So it's just... Just know there is a purpose for everything. I mean, I personally, it's just my personal faith. I have such a belief in God. I was being taken out of my body several times in this lifetime. I've been shown the most incredible, beautiful things in spirit. And the thing is, as well, we're never alone. And even when we've lost someone, the soul of that person is usually around us and they're looking at us. They're going, I'm here. I'm OK. You don't need to worry about me. You need to look after yourself. You know, you need to start moving on with your life. Your life is taking away. Mine is complete. I'm up here having a great time. You know, you need to get on with your own life. And they want us to see us moving on and being successful. And they also, if we ask them, They can't interfere unless it's the law of free will. But if we ask them, they actually can help us from spirit. They can make things easier for us. They can give us messages to help us make wise choices. But it is a choice. It is a choice. Do you believe? And do you know what? People listening to me may not believe in God, but just believe that There's some sort of a higher part. Try it one day. Ask. Go. If there's a God there, show me. You know, if somebody is listening, please help me. You know, and I can tell you will get help. You really will. But ask and you shall receive. You will get help.

SPEAKER_00: 48:56

Chauvin Maguire, that's so beautiful. Thank you for joining us. Please stick around. I think this is a good place to wrap, but I'd like to chat with you a little bit more. So thank you so

SPEAKER_03: 49:04

much.

SPEAKER_00: 49:05

Chauvin Maguire dot com. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03: 49:08

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 49:10

Hello, this episode is brought to you by Morrison Alley. Morrison Alley provides consulting focused around strategy, leadership, and team development, as well as AI implementations to streamline effectiveness or marketing solutions or app development, and then leadership development from our Fire& Rain leadership development team focused on executive leadership experiences and experiential learning. Check it out, morrisonalley.com. Thanks.

UNKNOWN: 49:40

Music

SPEAKER_02: 49:40

Thanks for listening to Ashley on Nothing But The Truth for a better you and me.